• Published 18th Apr 2012
  • 7,352 Views, 871 Comments

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody) - TundraStanza



Think about it like Death Battle, only with less death and more hyperactive dialogue. It all started with a fateful encounter between Deadpool and Pinkie Pie. It turned into something bigger.

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Lightning Round: Hollownest vs. The End Trio

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to the settings that will make the text legible for you.
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Death Battle Channel and Team Cherry.
Spoiler warning for the ninth Season of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic as well as the video game Hollow Knight.
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Burst Lightning Round!

Here, every single fight is conducted without waiting for analysis.

All fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... go!

---

---The United Evils vs. The Power of Emptiness---

(MLP: FiM vs. Hollow Knight)

Chrysalis, Tirek, and Cozy Glow VS Hornet, The Pure Vessel, and The Knight/Ghost

---

A changeling, a centaur, and a wannabe alicorn pony walk into a bar. (She's 'wannabe' because her horn is completely made of red magic, rather than flesh and bone like natural alicorns.) They each utter a respective groan of pain.

"How does a queen lose a map?" The centaur grunts and casts his eyes.

"Navigation is a job for a lord." The changeling gives her own glare. "How did you lose the map?"

Before any more words can be exchanged, a dust cloud covers them both. Sound effects of impact complement the sight of red fists and black, hole-ridden hooves. Meanwhile, the little pony vaporizes the bar with a spell. She then looks at the scuffle between her two associates.

"You guys, stop fighting!" She flies over the dust cloud. "We need to save our energy if we're lost and want to survive."

"Stay out of this! / Stay out of this!" Both of them turn their menacing eyes out for a moment.

Some nearby bushes rustle. All three of the creatures hold their breath and look over. What emerges from the bushes looks like nothing that they were expecting. A white skull with two small horns jumps out. Its black body is adorned with a blue cloak that it quickly wraps around itself.

The starting trio blinks, completely speechless. However, the small bug is not alone. It turns around to watch another creature emerge. This one is taller and is wearing a faded red cloak. The dark eyes almost look like they are directly on a pair of white horns. Either that, or it may be a boomerang-shaped head.

Something larger stomps the ground. The sound convinces both of the newcomers to run away from the bushes. Immediately, a larger black-bodied creature emerges. This one's horned skull is serrated. Its cloak is pale, and only covers the top half of its body. There is a faint, orange glow inside this being's eyes.

"Wow... those are some ugly bugs," says the filly, "present company excluded."

"Some offense taken." The changeling grits her fangs.

"Shall we do some extermination before setting up camp?" The centaur holds out a hand to each of his allies.

The eyes of the two smaller newcomers open wide. They each spread their legs into a stance ready to charge. The smallest bug pulls out a nail. The red-cloaked one pulls out a big needle in her grasp. Already holding out a large blade-like weapon, the largest of the trio simply roars to the sky.

Triumph or die!

Fight!

Chrysalis and Hornet dash off to the left of the screen. Tirek's fist collides with Pure Vessel's blade. These two fighters slide off the right of the screen. Cozy Glow flies forward and casts what looks like a red lightning spell. Silently, Ghost flaps two hidden wings and flies over the spell. It spins its nail around before shooting a ball of shadow energy.
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"Hup! Hah! Hyah!" Hornet zooms around, swishing her needle around.

As Chrysalis is doing her best to dodge left, right, and up, her thoughts wander. Why am I suddenly picturing this creature in a green tunic?

The former queen fires a few bolts of emerald magic. In response, the gendered child throws a barely visible string at a tree branch. She pulls herself out of the way like a hero would with a grappling hook. As more green bolts follow her, she swings along her string from branch to branch. Chrysalis laughs at what looks like cowardice from her opponent.

What she doesn't see, however, is the child circling around behind her. Just above Chrysalis's back, Hornet unleashes a flurry with her string. It lashes the air surrounding her. The changeling does feel sharp stinging throughout her midsection as the strings flash for the audience's reference.
---
Tirek grabs a hold of his opponent's midsection in one hand. His other hand pummels against the exoskeleton skull. A crack forms along Pure Vessel's face. After about five punches and the crack nearly reaching the top between its eye holes, Vessel swings its black limb up and catches the red fist. Just as Tirek grunts in confusion, the big bug's blade slashes the centaur across the chest.

Pure Vessel lowers its nail into the ground. Several greatswords poke out like spikes. Some of these uprooted blades poke into the enemy centaur and his hooves. Tirek yells out and shoots a beam of orange and black magic from between his horns. Pure Vessel jumps up and shoots needles out of its person in wild directions.

The centaur holds up his arms to block the needles coming at his face. But his skin is still pierced by the multiple pins. He surrounds one of his arms with a magical aura. He lifts one of the greatswords still in the ground and hurls it. Pure Vessel wildly slashes its one blade, knocking the flying greatsword to the side. It then appears to teleport behind Tirek. It jams its weapon into his behind.

Growling in pain, Tirek grabs hold of the bug once again. He opens his mouth and breathes in heavily. Pure Vessel shakes in place. Its eyes glow orange until this light flows like a river into Tirek's throat. Afterwards, Tirek promptly drops his enemy at his feet.

For once, Pure Vessel's thoughts are not burning in radiant light. They are reduced to dull curiosities. It feels nothing. It desires nothing. Its mind and self are completely hollow. The same cannot be said of Tirek, as the lord's eyes glow and he holds both his hands against his head.

"What is this magic?!" He cries out. "What are you?!"

A new vessel is blessed with our light. Rejoice in our touch. Be happy for our union. There is no room for fear, no room for doubt. Others must bask in our perfection. Those who do not, must be destroyed.

Slowly, Tirek lowers his hands to his sides. Orange growths appear around his ears. His eyes glow orange. He turns away from Pure Vessel and stomps along.

Meanwhile, the chosen vessel slowly stands up. It looks down at its two hands. The hand around its blade's grip twitches tightly. Then, this bug chases its enemy.
---
Ghost slashes its nail around, barely missing every time. Cozy Glow flies in close before floating backward, laughing each time her opponent misses. She even casts a magic hold on it for good measure. She forces the pull on it to go up and down against the ground, then slams the bug against a tree. Said tree is knocked over in the process.

The pony flies in for a closer look. She thinks she sees it hunched over.

"Aw, what's the matter, ugly bug-ling?" Cozy crosses her front hooves and smirks. "Did I hurt your baby feelings?"

A white aura acts like flames around Ghost. After a few seconds pass, the aura fades. It stands on its legs and turns around. Whatever damage Cozy had inflicted is nowhere to be seen. She gasps and fumes.

She tries casting some more bolts of red lightning. Ghost briefly turns into a shadow of itself and dashes forth. The bolts pass through as if it isn't there. Once Ghost gets in close, it changes back to normal and starts flailing away with its nail. Every slash elicits a pained cry from Cozy.

Ghost spreads its arms wide. A shadowy presence briefly flashes around it, causing more pain to Glow. She ends up rolling along the ground. She groans as she tries to stand back up.

"Ad-ee-no!" Hornet snags Chrysalis with her needle and string like a rope dart. "Hee-ga-lay!"

The return force sends Chrysalis flying smack into her pony associate. The two groan. Meanwhile, Hornet shows up and stands next to Ghost. She laughs a bit. It says nothing and stares at the pile.

Their impromptu celebration is cut short as the ground shakes. They look over and up and gasp at what they find. It seems the Radiance can infect more than just local wildlife in Hollownest. Tirek's roar no longer sounds like a sentient male, just a feral beast. In his current state, he goes on to crush both changeling and pony under his giant hooves.

The small bugs wield their respective pointy objects, taking as fierce stances as they can muster. Hornet jumps up several feet vertically while Ghost jogs along the ground.

"Shaaa!" Hornet dives, needle-first at the enemy.

The Ghost slashes its nail weapon against one of the centaur's front hooves. The infected Tirek grabs out with his fingers, squeezing Hornet. She struggles and grunts, but she can't get out of the palm. Meanwhile, a hoof casually kicks Ghost back several feet. Vision around itself gets darker.

That darkness is alleviated by several white bubbles. These bubbles turn into exploding lights that impact with the infected centaur. Tirek roars and loses his grip on his victim. Hornet catches her breath as her cloak rises and falls. She looks around the centaur to what is behind him.

Pure Vessel is in its namesake's state of mind. It leaps onto Tirek's back and slashes away with its blade. Tirek romps around, trying to shake the largest bug loose. He proceeds to shoot magic blasts every which way, destroying several trees in the process. Ghost and Hornet dash around to avoid the explosions.

Pretty soon, Pure Vessel is forced to abandon its makeshift mount. It slams the point of its weapon into the ground. Greatswords appear out of the ground at various heights. Hornet swings around, tying some of her strings to these towering swords. She then jumps up and jams her needle right into Tirek's left eye, forcing him to lean back.

"Gitgud!" she shouts.

Ghost hops along the constructed platforms of greatswords and string. Within a few seconds, it jumps right up to meet the infected centaur's face. At this point, Ghost sheds its physical body, revealing a shade roughly the same size. Pure Vessel's own shade flies up and holds back the centaur's horns with dark tendrils.

While Hornet and Pure Vessel hang on tightly, Ghost lashes out with void tendrils of its own. Every slap against the infected centaur elicits a two-fold roar. One of the voices doesn't even sound like a real animal. Ghost does not relent, continuing to slap the enemy. As the attack rush continues, some of the hits act more like slashing damage. There is an animation of claw tears causing more damage.

Both shades grow more tendrils and lash around the centaur's face. A cloud of void pulls the three beings and the imprisoned Radiance into the darkened ground. A cross between a bird's cry and an unholy scream can be heard. There is an explosion of little lights and dark bubbles. Then... nothing.

...

...

Hornet picks herself off the ground and slowly looks around. The skulls that hid Ghost's and Pure Vessel's faces lay broken on the ground. Neither of her allies and none of her enemies are within sight. She picks up her needle and stows it away.

"La-fey new fi-nee-do." She wraps herself up in her cloak, turns around, and walks away from the scene.

Overkill K.O.!

The winner of this Lightning Round is... Team Cherry!

---

Author's Note:

As fun as it was, I'm feeling a bit of mental burnout trying to keep this particular project ongoing. Maybe I'll come back to it when I've got a really strong idea, one that I believe I can execute spectacularly. But until that time comes, this is where I turn the switch off.

Thank you, consistent readers and brand new readers alike. I'm glad you found some entertainment from these battles and some of the not-so-battle chapters.

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