The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza

Ch. 92: Season 3 Outtakes Reel #1

It is up to you to change the "Light" to "Dark" or vice versa.
A/N: Properties belong to their respective owners.
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Outtakes and Gags of Season 3 (Volume 1)

Start running over those hills, Benny!

---Freeing Discord's Hostages: Take #1---

Ugh! Ptooey! That gag tasted butt-awful.

Blegh! I know. Mine tasted like my father's sweaty palms. I can't imagine what yours tasted like.

Like my ex-wife's *ss.

... Do you want to talk about your life during marriage?

B lies down on a recliner.

Well, it's funny you should ask that. You see after our first kiss...

*Fourteen hours later*

Anyway, long story short, that was the stone I passed.

... Could we just erase all of that from the final cut? I need some mind bleach.

---Gear Change? Side-Take #1---

"Bye!" mocks Jet as he approaches a grind rail. "Gear change!"

A strange light engulfs the anthro hawk. His hover board vanishes and he's suddenly coated with Sonic and the Black Knight armor. His confidence is replaced with confusion followed quickly by panic as he falls out of the race track.

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A/N: Cut!
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"Boss!" hollers Storm.

"Come on!" yells Wave as they rush down via their own Extreme Gear.

---Cabbages: Alternate Takes---

"My cabbages!" yells the poor veggie stand pony. "This place is worse than Mare-Tonia."
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"Not my cabbages!" yells the poor veggie stand pony. "I demand some ponies' heads be chopped off for this: one for each head of cabbage!"

"Would that include your own head?" asks Raiden casually.

The pony stares at the cyborg in fear. "Uh... never mind. We're good here."
---

"My cabbages!" yells the poor veggie stand pony. "Six whole weeks of harvest wasted..." He sobs.
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Come on, say it.

"No."

Why not?

"I can't work under these conditions. This character... It just isn't me."

Please?

"Oh, all right." *ahem* "My lettuces!"

Psst. That's the wrong line.

"What? Oh, for Pete's sake!"

---A Summoning Gone Horribly Stupid---

"Snips!" yells Snails between Mikey's nun-chuck strikes. "Do the thing!"

Snails concentrates a yellow light at the tip of his horn. "Blue Twilight, we your humble servants call out to you!"

A big, blue Ursa Minor stomps into the arena and roars loudly. It shakes all three of the combatants.

"That's not Blue Twilight," says Snips.

Everyone runs away from the space bear.

---Volt Tackle vs. Tornado: Take #4---

As the electric mouse charges, the sparks racing around his body grow brighter and brighter, almost white. Meanwhile, Lightning Dust shakes herself from the dizziness and starts flying around in quick circles. A large tornado is created by her winds. However, she appears to be shaking against those winds. Pretty soon, she ends up spinning through the air... and lands right on top of Pikachu mid-Volt Tackle. The electricity seems to vanish as mouse and pony go toppling over each other. Both end up lying on their backs with dizzy spirals in their eyes.

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A/N: Cut!
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---Crossbow: Take #2---

Hans pulls out a crossbow and aims. As he fires his bolt, Blueblood disappears in a bright light. He reappears slightly off to the side. Hans fires again... but this time it is a long stream of greenish bolts. Blueblood gets blown away by the unusual attack.

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A/N: Cut! Hans, whose crossbow is that?
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"Well, the box said something about Link's Crossbow Training, so I assumed it was a practice weapon."

---
A/N: Son of a gun... *sigh*... Props team! Get your butts over to the set. We have an equipment mix-up. Tell Link we found his automatic firing crossbow.
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---Lovely Style Change: Take #5---

Zelda is knocked back by Cadance's swift landing on her position. Though, she quickly regains her bearings and waves some white light in her hands. A unique twinkling noise follows her motion. In an instant, Zelda is replaced by... an exact likeness of Cadance.

The surprise is apparent on her disguised face. The real Cadance holds a hoof over her mouth, but fails to completely hide her laugh.

Zelda blushes. "Hey! That's not funny!" she exclaims in Cadance's voice. In response to the outburst, Cadance guffaws even louder as she rolls onto her back.

---Unexpected Visitor---

The siren's wail is overwhelming. Firebrand slides backwards. The sound actually flings him up and over, causing his entire woodwind section to be crossed out on the bottom of the screen. He sighs in resignation. He really doesn't want to take this measure.

"Hades, I need you!"

"Is it time for me to blow doors down?" asks the ruler of the Underworld.

"You heard me, Hades," says Firebrand, "Now's the time to blow doors down."

"You've got no moves!" declares Adagio. "It's the end of the showdown!"

"I'd feel more threatened facing off with a gay clown," comments Hades.

"Hurry up and take that sucker down!" hollers Firebrand.

"I've got more than enough balls to take her to brown town," brags Hades.

An entire electric guitar section takes the place of the fallen woodwinds and picks up the music's pace.

"This can't be happening!" exclaims the worried Siren. "How do I take them down?"

"We're going to beat you, Adagio!" cackles Hades. "Though I must admit, you made quite the show."

"Beware you viewers in the front row!" warns Firebrand to the crowd. "There will be splash damage. We're about to blow!"

~We're gonna blow (repeat X 17)~

Adagio gets overwhelmed by the explosion of sound.

---Magicians On Their Off Hours---

"Pick a bomb, any bomb!" demands Merasmus.

"Pick a flower, any flower!" demands Trixie.

"Pick a nose, any nose!" hollers Snips and Snails.

"Get the heck out of here!" Merasmus and Trixie tell the two posers.

---Mean and Deadly? More like Master and Crazy!---

A giant disembodied hand that resembles a white glove glides through the air. Its color stands out against the night sky. After a few seconds, it comes across a sleeping pegasus pony atop a cloud. The fingers on the glove curl up until only the index finger is pointing out. The glove pokes the pony.

The pony slowly lifts her head. She blinks in annoyance before laying back down. The glove rearranges its fingers' positions. The index, ring and pinky fingers extend. However, the thumb and middle finger curve into an "O" shape. In an instant, the middle finger extends. The pony is sent spinning slightly before regaining her balance in flight.

A slightly more sporadic gloved hand floats down toward the ground. Somehow it cackles loudly without a mouth and performs a rapid tapping motion against the head of the other combatant.

Then, the gloves run into each other as if clapping. In doing so, Grayscale Force and Zor get smacked, squished, and batted every which way possible in the air space between the clapping hands. Once the gloves are done, the combatants float down to the ground in groaning piles of limbs.

---Go to bed, W---

One of the invaders chosen to participate in Operation Doom was Zim. Unfortunately, his eagerness to destroy worlds got the better of him and he ended up destroying all of the other planets as well as a good chunk of his invaders' planet. Er, wait... *shuffles page* That's not the right line. It's "all of the other invaders" and "chunk of his home planet". G**, *eff* it! Ha ha ha ha ha!

---

One of the Zims chosen to operate in Participation Doom was Invader. Unfortunately, this... *pfft* Unfortunately, that wasn't even close to the right line. Dang it! Ha ha ha.

---

Unfortunately, his eagerness to destroy planets got the better of him and he destroyed ending all of the other worlds... What?! Ha ha ha ha ha... That wasn't right at all! D*** it, *ess* g**!

---B, are you trying to tell me something?---

So... everyday magic for ponies acts like booze and martinis for him? Oh, whoops...

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So... everyday magic for ponies acts like whiskey and rye for him? ... Dang it!

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So, everyday magic for ponies acts like shots and pinot noir for him? ... What the *eff*? Why can't I say the line? *Eff*!

---The Sensitive F---

These augments aren't just for show. Bon Bon knows just about all the ins and outs regarding usual aug enchantments, normal degradation cycles, and standard deviations... the type of math that F could never quite grasp.

... Why do you have to be such a big meanie poo-poo face?

F, this is just the script I was given. I'm supposed to read these lines with the direction of being as straight-faced yet slightly mocking as possible.

Well, you could do it without being so mean! Hmph!

*facehoof* Why do I even bother trying to explain these things?

---Fake Steroids That Didn't Make the Cut---

Bruce Banner!
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The Thing!
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Wolverine!
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Clark "Kal-El" Kent!
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Robocop!
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The opposite odor of Rebecca Black! ... Oh, no. That sounds way too sexist. Let's not use that one, okay?

---Impenetrable Honeycomb---

Chrysalis' fangs show in a crooked smile. She holds out a hoof straight in front of her. The changelings fly up before performing five simultaneous aerial dives. Green plumes of fire surround their fronts.

The impact is embarrassing. Five changelings bang into the Combee and sound like they ran into anvils. With the way they flinch away from their attack, you'd think they actually did hit anvils. ... Hold on.

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A/N: Cut! Whose bright idea was it to paint Combee faces on those anvils?
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---Arguing Frequency---

"Um... FRIENDSHIP!"

"Friendship? ... Again?"

"What are you talking about? This is the first time I've said that word all season."

"No, but... you've said that at least twice in the other seasons. I was just questioning the reality of you saying it once more in all of time."

"Oh, really? What exactly would you call it? I don't see you being forced to sit in the same seat every day having to say the word 'FIGHT' at the beginning of every one of these battles."

"Hey, don't get all huffy with me. We're both disembodied voices, right? We should be cool, like cucumber brothers."

"Son of a birch! You're making me hungry. Stop using food-related metaphors!"

"Actually, it was a simile."

"Does this look like the face that cares?!"

"... You don't have a face to begin with."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
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Author's Note:

I'm done with Finals' Week for Fall 2014 and this is what I'm posting as a sign of my relieved mood.

Comments

[sonicfan21]

Which one is Arguing Frequency supposed to be a reference to?