The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza

Love is a Battlefield

A/N: The episodes have had a lot of kills lately. Time to turn it around a notch. I guess I need to learn to alternate more.
...
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Nintendo.
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The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (25)

---Death Battle---

The number funnier than 24. ...*face palm* I cannot believe I just said that.

Pictures of various damsels in distress cross the screen.

"In many a heroic tale," starts W, "there is usually a princess to be saved."

"But now it's time to break them out of their lazy, personal bubbles," declares B.

"Without their knights in shining armor, which of these damsels in distress will claim victory?"

"Returning Death Battle champion, Princess Peach."

"And the lost niece of Equestrian royalty, Princess Cadance."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's out job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

A long-haired princess in a pink dress and wearing a jewel-encrusted crown enters the screen.

"Introducing," announces B, "The b**** with a powerful *ss. The girl who can deliver a kick that shattered Zelda's skull. The one and only PRINCESS PEACH!"

"Peach has been kidnapped over a dozen times," says W, "Her grace and athleticism only get her so far."

Stats appear as B says, "Somehow, from her imprisonment, she can still send mail to Mario containing extra lives and power ups. How the hell does that work?"

"She is quite a capable fighter when she sets her mind to it. She's participated in countless sports and survived hundreds of Mario Party events."

"Peach's weaponry consists of a tennis racket, golf club, frying pan, and turnips that she can somehow pull out of infertile ground."

"She wields Perry the Parasol and Heart Power, capable of healing herself and allies and putting her opponents to sleep."

"And she can focus her emotions into raw powerful abilities after touching the... pfft. Vibe scepter. Ah ha ha ha ha!"

"And as we've stated before, her Empress Peach power can deliver a kick of 15 psi, enough to shatter the human skull and cause decapitation."

"Ha ha ha ha, I've got the giggles. Heh heh heh."

A cut scene shows Peach cheering, "Mario! Luigi!"

---Death Battle---

A rather small alicorn enters the screen with colors that remind a viewer of a sunset.

W introduces, "Princess Mi Amore Cadenza AKA Cadance is a distant niece of Princess Celestia and is the wife of Captain Shining Armor."

"Mi Amore Cadenza?" asks B, "What in the hell kind of name is that?"

"It roughly translates to 'my love for rhythm'."

"Kay, got it." Stats appear off to the right while W continues.

"She took charge as Twilight Sparkle's foalsitter for one full year in the past and she's often looked at as a peacemaker."

"This is who's fighting the fatal foot?"

"As far as magical capabilities go, Cadance isn't much stronger than the average unicorn and she can perform basic levitation. Her wingspan isn't enough for the natural flight of other Pegasi, but it is enough to allow long-distance gliding."

"So wouldn't the correct term be Pegacorn?"

"Unlike other unicorns, Cadance is capable of spreading love magic which can help remind lovers of their true affection and overpower mind control spells. It can even be used to super charge Shining Armor's defensive spells."

"Shields at full power."

"It is also assumed that she has minor healing magic. Despite being old enough to marry, Cadance is a child at heart who enjoys apple pastries, the chicken dance, and floral dresses."

"She always dresses in... nah, too easy."

The cut scene shown for Cadance reveals her performing her childish dance with Twilight.

"Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves and do a little shake. Ha ha ha ha ha."

---Death Battle---

"All right," declares W, "The combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

"Time for a cat fight Death Battle!" yells B.

---Death Battle---

What a gorgeous sunny day there is in the battle field today. It looks like a very familiar, wooden bridge connecting two tall cliffs. The princess of the Mushroom Kingdom floats down holding her parasol. The young princess from Equestria floats in on the other side of the screen before landing and closing her wings. Déjà vu.

"FIGHT!"

Princess Peach pulls out a white turnip with a face out of the ground even though she's on a bridge. She tosses it to the left. Princess Cadance manages to jump out of the way and lands back on the bridge. While she is distracted, Peach runs forward and delivers a smack with her behind.

"Ah-cha!" she yells. The alicorn princess flinches from the collision but regains her composure. She gallops forward and just as she comes to a stop she reaches out one hoof out and smacks Peach across the face. The toadstool princess screams out in pain. She then returns the favor by smacking Cadance's face. Now she screams in pain. This erupts into a slap fight which I must admit looks very hilarious when half of the slaps are actually hoof smacks.

Cadance is the first to break away from this pointless struggle. Her horn lights up in a cyan, magical aura. Suddenly, Peach is surrounded by this cyan aura. She's lifted a few inches above the bridge. She comically attempts to 'swim' through the air with little success. In frustration, her eyes catch fire and she's practically surrounded by a fiery aura. I'm seriously feeling déjà vu here.

Before any other yells can be exchanged, the bridge suddenly disintegrates in a cacophony of ashes and broken pieces. Both princesses start falling and Peach's fiery anger ceases. In free-fall, Cadance opens her wings wide which seems to slow her down slightly. Peach chooses to open her parasol. The alicorn edges toward Peach in an attempt to deliver another hit, but Peach quickly pulls out her frying pan and smacks her opponent away before she gets the chance.

Upon landing on the grass below, both princesses look shaken up. Both of them surround themselves with a valentine-shaped aura. Their minor bruises are almost healed instantly. It's time for them to pull out their last resorts. Peach summons a sheep and launches it to hit her opponent from above. Cadance activates a valentine-shaped light and it floats toward Peach at an alarming pace.

As the sheep finally falls onto Cadance's head, the valentine reacts with Peach's face. The alicorn falls asleep on her feet. The toadstool princess is suddenly reminded of her love and she spins around in joy. In her dizzy bliss, she falls face-up onto the grass.

"Mario," she coos. Meanwhile Cadance is snoring elegantly. Looks like this fight won't be going anywhere anytime soon.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

"Ah ha ha," chuckles B, "What was that?"

"Peach definitely had the upper hand with a wider variety of unpredictable attacks," reflects W, "Although, Cadance held her own for quite a while. She even caught Peach off guard with her sudden use of magic. But Peach ultimately destroyed the bridge that held them up. However, this battle was over as soon as their distracting maneuvers were used. Peach fell hopelessly in love with her memories while Cadance took an all-expense paid trip to dream land."

"This is ridiculous," scoffs B.

"This Death Battle is a draw," concludes W. Pictures of both damsels appear on screen with the bold word "DRAW" underneath.

---
A/N: Okay, a few ideas hit me. Since I figured out a way for a non-offensive pony to take part in a combat-like situation, I thought, why can't I do the same with another favorite character? Stick around for next chapter, because I'm about to change my mind for the umpteenth time.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. Be seeing you.

Comments

[leaderofstars]

rock on

[leaderofstars]

i got another one.
the mask vs discord

[TundraStanza]

579432
Sorry, but I'm not doing any more fights with Discord.

[leaderofstars]

of course. discord was a pain to write. throw in the mask and its pure hell