Lightning Round: We Couldn't Fit It All In
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Burst Lightning Round!
All of the fights are settled before an analysis can catch up.
All fighters!
All action!
No research!
Lightning Round!
Start the clock and... go!
---A Pinch of Salt---
Starlight Glimmer (MLP: FiM) vs. Dan Hibiki (Street Fighter)
Nobody blink!
Clash!
Dan jumps up in the air. He hollers and that somehow makes him stay up for some extra time. When he lands, he holds his fists apart. The screen briefly glows dark and some kind of a spark flashes in Dan's eyes. He rolls forward and performs a finger taunt. He rolls forward again and holds his fists in a fake-out pose. He rolls forward yet again and grunts while pretending to uppercut. He leaps into the air while hollering.
"Piece of cake!" He lands and gives a thumbs-up to his unseen audience.
Starlight Glimmer deadpans and ignites her horn. A light aquamarine field of magic surrounds Dan, swinging him back and forth. Starlight slams him on the floor on either side of herself. All the while, Dan screams in terror. The only interruption is him occasionally yelling "ow" whenever he face-plants into the ground.
The unicorn eventually lets him go and fires a magic beam at her foe. Dan shakes while holding up his open hands just in front of his chest. A small bit of ki energy builds up where he points. At the last second before the beam approaches, he jerks his left hand out.
"Gadouken!"
When the tiny energy ball makes contact with the magic beam, the two attacks dissipate. Starlight's eyes open wide. She can't fathom how such a small effort stopped her spell.
"Behold the glorious Saikyo!"
Dan's eyes glow red against a suddenly dark atmosphere. He yells in an inhumane voice and rushes forward fast enough to reach the sound barrier. Starlight twirls on her back left hoof and scrambles to run away. But then... Dan trips and crashes into her at an angle that hurts himself just as much as it does her.
Conveniently, they both land on a set of tracks just as a subway train rushes through.
Double K.O.!
Ladies and gentlemen, we have... a tie!
---
---Drunken Master---
Berry Punch (MLP:FiM) vs. Rock Lee (Naruto)
It's a relatively peaceful day in the Hidden Leaf Village. The mountain with five Hokage faces is devoid of any graffiti stains. People are walking around and talking about smaller troubles. The camera pans around to a table in a generic, Eastern diner. Guy-Sensei motions that he'll be right back after a trip to the restroom. His prized pupil with an almost-as-bushy brow gives a salute and a smile.
Idly, the boy grabs a cup and sips from it. He appears to be in deep thought about something else. However, his face quickly turns a slight shade of pink and he coughs a bit. When he looks closer at the cup, his eyes widen at the realization that it was actually his teacher's saké. But as quickly as he realizes this, his eyelids droop slightly as a small grin plasters his mouth.
There's a shout from a nearby table. The clueless boy looks over in confusion. In his drunkard state, he isn't surprised that he perceives the other customer as a slightly purple pony. And... are those fruits tattooed on her hip? Fruit doesn't go on the hip. They go on the trees or the breakfast table. Why is she shouting about wanting more beer when she has fruit on the wrong end of her body?
He feels irritated and tosses the empty saké glass onto the floor. The boy stomps over and attempts to articulate his frustration about the incorrect placement of fruit. From the realistic perspective, he is actually barely managing to form syllables, much less complete sentences. The pony chugs down the last of the questionable liquid from her bottle and slams it onto the table before getting up off her seat.
Let your fists do the talking!
Begin!
Both combatants are rather tipsy at the moment. Their respective limbs wobble around at the lack of bodies cooperating with their judgment. Yet somehow, Berry Punch manages to sweep a hoof into the boy's ankle and trips him. Rock Lee lands on his head and briefly turns into a helicopter. His feet, though shaking, spin around fast enough to kick the pony six times in the face.
Berry Punch ends up landing on top of her table, cracking the furniture in half and collapsing it beneath herself. She growls a little and grabs her empty bottle. She leaps off the table and attempts to slam it on her new enemy. Rock Lee trips backwards, narrowly avoiding the bottle near his face. Small droplets of spit escape his mouth against the bottle.
Miraculously, Rock Lee catches himself out of the trip by slapping the floor with an open palm. He then twirls around with his other hand and ends up swatting Berry on the rear. There's a shocked horse noise from the sound booth as the mare's eye opens wide. She quickly turns on her hind leg and bucks the boy for good measure. He ends up doing a couple back flips before bouncing himself off a wall with his heel.
Berry shakes her head a little, the dizzy bubbles not quite leaving her vision. She swings to the left with her hoof holding the bottle. However, Lee flies far to her right side and ends up smashing up the table that he was sitting at earlier. He yells the battle noise of a crazed lunatic. One of his hands jerks out a shuriken and tosses it upward. The metal throwing star bounces off one of the ceiling lights and hits the pony's bottle, sending glass shards all over the floor.
This still leaves her with half of a broken bottle in grasp. She decides to spin in place and tosses her weapon like a discus. Although Rock Lee trips upward into a flip, a piece of the sharp glass slides along his cheek. When Lee lands on shaky feet, a small trickle of blood runs down to his chin. He doesn't seem to notice as he twirls around the restaurant's floor.
Before the pony can figure out where her floor is again, the drunken ninja zooms right over. He slams against her stomach with his foot, sending her flying toward a wall. But he cartwheels ahead and kicks her away from that wall. Then, he darts around for another kick. Berry turns into a pony pinball with how fast and randomly Rock Lee is kicking her around.
"Primary Lotus!" Rock Lee yells as his final kick comes from above.
In a blink, the pony is sent crashing through the floor and deep into the ground underneath the establishment. The boy does a few weird poses before collapsing onto his back on the floor. He chuckles with a creepy grin and wiggles his limbs at angles that disturb the other customers huddled at the intact tables.
Guy-Sensei walks back in from the bathroom and gasps at the destruction wrought upon the place. He runs over, picks up Rock Lee, and hurriedly runs out of the restaurant as quickly as possible.
Destructive Finish!
This round's victory goes to... Rock Lee!
---
---His Smile---
Pinkie Pie (MLP:FiM) vs. Asriel Dreemurr (Undertale)
Once upon a time, there was a world ruled by humans and monsters. For hundreds of years, they lived in peace-peace-peace-eeeee...
*The screen glitches out and clicks off.*
A creepy laugh goes along to the black screen. "You... idiot."
Flashes of light point out the faces of seven creatures: Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Spike, and Starlight Glimmer. All of them are stuck in the grasp of big, thorny vines. A little flower with white petals pops up just underneath their suspended position. A face appears on its center with beady eyes and a small smile.
In front of this sight, a lone earth pony stands and watches in confusion. When she tries to take a step closer, the flower smirks and the vines squeeze harder. It results in a yelp from at least one of the captured friends. Only when the pink pony resumes her original position does the flower release a little strain in his vines.
"Wait... how in hay did you manage to capture all of them?" She wonders while rubbing under her muzzle. "Twilight and Starlight alone have enough magical force to rival Equestria's stand-ins for gods."
The flower deadpans. "You're the fourth-wall breaker here. You tell me."
"Hmm..." She suddenly gasps. "You kept loading a SAVE file right before fighting them so that you could study their fighting styles and find an exploitable weakness?!"
"Bingo." The flower sticks out his tongue and winks.
"Hey! I don't have a wea-KAAAH!" Rainbow Dash screams as the vine around her suddenly tightens.
"I don't know, Ms. Roy-g-biv." Flowey glances back at his captive. "The joints in the space between your wings and your rib cage seem rather fragile to me."
"You let Dashie go right this instant!" The standing mare demands. "I mean, let everypony go right this instant!"
The flower chuckles wickedly. "Listen here, Diane. I finally have seven souls on par with humans in my grasp. If you think I'm going to give up after coming this far..." He leans his stem forward to slightly darken the top half of his face. "... then you really are an idiot."
There's a cacophony of splashing noises all at once. The friends' cries of pain go silent. Seven valentines of differing colors float from within their bodies. These 'souls' travel along the vine and circle around the flower's main body. The screen flashes in tints of red and white. A shaking sensation rumbles the entire screen.
...
A small creature stands by himself. He wears a light green sweater with a single yellow stripe going across the middle. He has long white ears, clawed hands and feet, and the face of a beast. He opens his true eyes for the first time in a while.
"Howdy. It's me... your best friend."
White light flashes by really quickly. The creature is replaced by a much larger version of himself. This form has horns, a purple robe, and black markings along his face. He grins with malicious intent.
A S R I E L | D R E E M U R R
There's only one way this can end!
Fight!
*This is the beginning of the end.
Despite his intimidating presence, Asriel Dreemurr gives his enemy the courtesy of making the first move. He just floats there... menacingly! Get out of there, Pinkie Pie! Wait, no. She's just typing in a section of the screen labeled "ACT" > "Check".
*Asriel Dreemurr
*ATK: ∞ / DEF: ∞
*Legendary being made of the SOULs of your closest friends.
For his turn, Asriel sends forth a double-helix composed of small magic flames. Pinkie Pie hops, skips, and jumps over any fire that approaches her position. There's a flash of white light that whips over the screen. Then, it all goes into a mix of every single color of the rainbow that dances across space and time as Asriel floats left-and-right within the fight.
Pinkie Pie taps the option "ACT" > "Dream". She blinks as a sudden weight adds itself to an empty slot in her hammer-space inventory. She pulls it out and it makes her eyes twinkle in fascination. But she puts it away for later. Her opponent is attacking again.
When Asriel raises his hands to either side, a pair of wicked swords flash into existence. He swings them left and right across the screen. Pinkie narrowly dodges each of the swings. Eventually, Asriel's swords explode into tiny sparkles. One of them hits Pinkie in the side and it stings.
The dream pops back out of Pinkie's hammer-space and she swallows it whole. Immediately, she feels full of somebody's desire to be free. Her health is restored to maximum. She tries pulling out her Party Cannon and fires a big shot of supplies. Although she was locked-on target, the "FIGHT" space registers the impact as a "Miss".
"Why do you continue to struggle?" Asriel pulls out his Chaos Blaster and fires a flurry of mini-bullets. "I'm going to reset all of your memories back to zero... you and your friends... can be stuck going through it all... again and again."
Pinkie jumps and ducks around. However, a wall of exclamation points appears on the ground. After a few irritating beeps, the floor fills up with magic lightning bolts. The pony's body falls to pieces.
...
*But it refused.
Asriel's body dims from sight as his head twists a little against a dark area. Big stars rain from the sky. They explode into waves of smaller stars upon contact with the floor. Pinkie Pie zips around the field. As soon as the barrage of attacks ends, Asriel's face suddenly grows into a more grotesque version of itself.
The monster's jaw opens wide. It acts like a vacuum, sucking in a bunch of diamonds from all directions. Pinkie Pie darts around, trying to avoid the onslaught of precious stones. The rainbow lights fade into white. Eventually, it's impossible to see anything.
...
Pinkie Pie struggles against an immense field of gravity. Before her, a giant monster Asriel hovers with plaid wings, white claws, and a circle with a valentine-shaped hole in its center. When the monster spreads his claws wide, several comets shoot out and home in on the pony's position. She yelps as she's peppered into mulch.
...
*But it refused.
Asriel laughs deeply. "You can feel it, can't you? Your past, your experience... every time you die and come back, a little bit more fades. How do you expect to SAVE your game if you can't even SAVE yourself?"
Pinkie grunts and breathes heavily. Even as more comets approach, she pushes herself back onto her hooves. It looks like it's straining her, but she opens her mouth and calls out... to SAVE something else.
---
The scenery changes to a dark room. When Pinkie Pie looks on, there are two souls standing there. Both of these souls' faces are being blocked by white, digital clouds. One soul teleports around the arena, taking pot-shots with magenta beams of magic. The other breathes attacks of green flame.
"All of these silly friendships are getting in the way of my studies."/"What kind of dragon am I supposed to be?"
Pinkie Pie conjures a tree with an ugly face carved into it. When she laughs, the carving vanishes into a normal tree. She then pulls out a cupcake with blue frosting and several sapphires embedded in it. She presents the treat to the second soul. Something familiar resonates in both of the souls. When it does, the digital clouds clear.
Twilight Sparkle opens her wings wide. "Thanks, Pinkie Pie. We're always with you."
Spike smiles and holds up his claws in a fist. "We believe in you!"
---
In a flash of light, two new souls with clouds blocking their faces appear. One soul spins a rope with an apple tied in one end around like an old slingshot. The other soul magically pulls up jewels of several colors and throws them at Pinkie. She hops, skips, and jumps around while trying to plan on the fly.
"The Apple Family don't need no pony else."/"These all look horrid. Maybe fashion isn't what I'm meant to create."
"But we might be family!" Pinkie Pie pulls out a copy of Goldie Delicious's family history. She then spins around and puts on a familiar dress with candy-shaped decorations. "Your first dress gift for me was perfect! I'm sorry I tried to force you to change it."
Lights go off and restore color to the souls.
"Yee-haw! Show that Asriel fellow what for!" Applejack spins her hat atop a hoof.
"Win with style, Darling!" Rarity smiles and takes a short bowing motion.
---
The next two souls blocked by digital clouds fly around at different speeds. The first darts around, attempting to smack Pinkie Pie every which way possible. The second soul summons a swarm of butterflies. These butterflies gather together and lift Pinkie up, leaving the pony with little wiggle room between herself and the ceiling.
"How do you know these things? Are you a spy?"/"Oh... no. I'll just stay at home in my cottage."
Pinkie Pie manages too squeeze herself back through the bugs down to the floor. She pulls in Cheese Sandwich from nowhere and does a little jig in front of the standing microphone. Then, she pushes that to the side to put on roller skates and compliments the other soul's Nightmare Night scare. Faint memories flow back into the souls. They each recover their colors and their respective wings.
"Yeah! Kick that monster's butt!" Rainbow Dash smirks while punching her front hooves together.
"But, try to show mercy when you get the chance," insists Fluttershy while hugging her own tail in front of her.
---
The seventh lost soul radiates a magical force across the arena. It unleashes a large beam of cyan magic. This beam cuts across the battlefield, slicing it in half. It cuts through again to make it quarters. One more cut leads it to shrink to eighths. Pinkie Pie has to squish herself into a narrower and narrower posture to fit.
"A cutie mark lost me my friend. I'll get rid of every mark to achieve harmony."
"But you have your mark!" Pinkie points to her own flank for emphasis. "And even so, you don't have to be alone! Please don't make me belt out one of Twilight's speeches!"
There is a whispered "Hey", but it's quickly lost in the wind of the "FIGHT". The digital cloud clears away from the remaining unicorn waving her hooves wildly in front of herself. She pushes away the curl from her mane for a second.
"Okay! Okay, I get it. Have a heart, Pinkie Pie!" Starlight blinks before clearing her throat. "Ahem! I trust you can get us all free."
---
Although there is still an immense field of gravity, Pinkie Pie seems to be ignoring it as she takes steps toward her opponent.
The monster gapes. "What?! Impossible!"
Asriel Dreemurr unleashes another barrage of magic comets. Pinkie Pie looks covered in new scrapes, but she's still trotting forward.
"What are you doing?!" He throws twice as many comets homing in on the pony.
Despite numerous explosions and one of Pinkie's mane hairs catching fire, she continues to trot forward.
"Get away from me!" Asriel cups his giant claws below his spherical chest. "Just let me win!"
A non-copyright claimed Kamehameha is unleashed in all colors of the visible light spectrum. Pinkie Pie keeps trotting forward. Her HP drops to a single digit... that just keeps moving further to the right from the decimal place.
Pinkie Pie takes a tall leap... and gently pokes a hoof against Asriel's nose. "Boop!"
---
A kid-form Asriel rubs his eyes and sniffles. Pinkie Pie gives him a big hug and gently rubs his back. They share this embrace for a few seconds. Too soon, they must let go and look at each other.
"I know." Asriel slowly nods. "I have to... let them all go. They all really care about you, and each other." He looks down. "But, after I do that... I'll turn back into a flower. I'll lose the ability to feel all of these emotions again."
"Challenge accepted." Pinkie Pie smirks.
"Huh?" Asriel looks at her in confusion.
"I don't care if you lack a monster's soul." Pinkie clenches her hoof. "If there's enough of you in Flowey to plead with others to leave the underground alone at the end of your game, then by golly! You've got a lot more feelings than other heartless monsters we've faced."
Asriel chuckles sadly. "You're a good friend, Pinkie."
He holds out his clawed hands to either side. The seven valentines dance around in a circle behind him to some epic guitar music. As quickly as it starts, the scene fades to white and the friends are all restored to normal.
Friendship!
Friendship? Again?
This Lightning Round's winner is... Pinkie Pie!
---
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How'd you come up with the title?
Thanks for reminding me how sad Undertale is
Deltarune's good, too. Though, I haven't played for myself, yet.
9299423
Swarm of the Century, Golden Harvest's response to Twilight Sparkle's question about the banner: "What happened to the rest of her name?"
9299979
You're... welcome? I mean, I'm sorry?
9299997 Don't worry, I wasn't being too serious.
I just remember how sad the true pacifist ending was...