The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza

It's More of a Purple Realm

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" to ensure that brightly colored text is legible. Thank you.

Silence! ... I'm just saying.
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Toei Animation, and Kazuki Takahashi.
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The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season the Seventh

I activate this card! Well, I activate that card! Then, I play this card! Then I activate this!

Magic: the supernatural or even technology that is too advanced to be comprehended by modern-day science. However, this time we'll be focusing on definition one.

The spells, charms, and pew-pew kind of magic that people use to try and knock each other out!

Twilight Sparkle, Equestria's Element of Magic.

And the Dark Magician, Yugi's go-to trading card from Yu-Gi-Oh!

Some liberties will be taken while interpreting what has been presented as their on-screen capabilities.

So if you want to go out there and write a fic that results in something completely different happening, more power to you. But as for here, this is our show! Anyway, he's W and I'm B!

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

///Death Battle\\\

Twilight Sparkle
-Species: Unicorn (originally); Alicorn (currently)
-Strong enough to break wood with one hoof; capable of flying without excessive fatigue from Canterlot to Ponyville and back again
-Bearer of the Element of Magic; Princess of Friendship
-Magic arsenal: Levitation, beams, illumination, teleportation, magic shields, semi-intangibility, transfiguration, gravity manipulation, dark magic
-Quick study and can replicate spells that she has previously seen in action
-Positive emotions make her magic stronger
-Loss of friends reduces her power significantly
-Prone to freaking out

Well... here we go again. Freaking ponies somehow keep eating up the screen time.

Come on, you can't possibly still be letting that bother you.

Why not? It means I can no longer show my beautiful face for all those adoring fans.

Um... we don't normally show our faces anyway.

That's what I said! We are not showing our faces on screen and that's final!

Okay! Let's, uh... get back to talking about the combatants.

Good! Just don't show my face.

As we have mentioned previously, Twilight Sparkle is Equestria's chosen bearer of the Element of Magic, fueled by the Magic of Friendship. After a life-long journey, she has earned the title and alicorn body of the Princess of Friendship and has even moved on to teaching at her own School of Friendship.

Wait, what?! That sounds like a demotion! Leader of the most powerful magical concept in the land? I know! My next big step should be moving on to be an underpaid employee at an institution whose system is broken and doesn't really give the student body anything important in life. Pah!

Yeah... it's definitely not a life choice I can recommend. We'll mostly be focusing on what she could do at the peaks of her story. For starters, Twilight has a lot of magical capabilities. Her memorization and magical potential have allowed her to pick up new spells on the fly, even if she only saw them once before. Among her humble spell collection is levitation, teleportation, illumination, shields that can ward off enemy spells, vocal amplification, gravity manipulation, partial intangibility, and object transfiguration.

Apparently she can just change species if she concentrates hard enough. And... did she actually turn a book into a bird's nest full of eggs? One of them hatched?

It looks that way.

Holy crap! She can create life!

Darn it, she beat me to it.

Did you say something?

Uh... no! I was just... contemplating how many times she and her friends have managed to save Equestria from supernatural threats. She has faced off against and survived encounters with a dark alicorn, a full-grown dragon, a draconequus, a hoard of changelings, a magic-stealing centaur, and a unicorn who technically knows more spells than she does now.

Jeesh... I'm getting tired just looking at that list.

But don't mistake her ability to take a lot of punishment as invincibility. While she has a lot of light and dark magic capabilities, she is not without a crucial weakness. She is neurotic and finds it difficult to think straight after making a mistake or being faced with something she doesn't fully understand. This has led to landing her in trouble as often as her quick mind has gotten her out of it.

So... screw her over with a division sign over zero and she'll become a blubbering mess?

That's oddly specific, but yes. She can often spend excessive hours straightening out her already completed schedule well beyond what the average person would consider sensible. Plus, she really doesn't have a good way to overcome magic-resistant enemies by herself.

Still, it says a lot about a character's potential when you have to write a no-magic enemy in order to give your mostly magic protagonist a challenge.

"Because that's what friends do."

///Death Battle\\\

Dark Magician
-Normal Monster Card
-Dark-Attribute, Spellcaster-Type, 7-Star, ATK: 2500, DEF: 2100
-"The ultimate wizard in terms of attack and defense."
-Primary spell: Dark Magic Attack (AKA Burakku Majikku in Japan)
-Other related spells/traps: Magical Hats, Magic Formula, Thousand Knives, Dark Spear, Mystic Box, Magic Cylinder
-Rival: Blue-Eyes White Dragon
-Student: Dark Magician Girl
-Original identity: Mahad, Pharaoh Atem's closest servant
-Anything that can destroy a monster card can destroy him (battle, card effects, etc.)

In the world of Yu-Gi-Oh, many decisions in life are decided by the outcome of the card game Duel Monsters. Whether it's the mundane disputes or preventing the world's destruction, the ending is decided when the last card is played.

Come on! It's a children's trading card game! How the hell does that determine the fate of the world as we know it?

Believe it or not, it begins in Ancient Egypt. Thousands of years ago, a nameless pharaoh locked away untold power to prevent his country and people from falling to the Shadow Games. It was said that the one who would solve the Millennium Puzzle would inherit this terrible power for themselves. So... naturally, it ended up in the hands of a high-schooler who was animated to look like a little kid.

And apparently the shadow power involves an injection of temporary puberty that increases your height and testicle size dramatically!

B, it has nothing to do with his private organs' size! It's just Ancient Egyptian magic.

Have you seen Yugi's balls stay the same size?

Why would I...? No!

Well then, you can't prove me wrong. Ha ha! Check and mate.

Ugh... anyway... it turns out that the Pharaoh's power and spirit weren't the only things to make it to the modern era. So did the Pharaoh's right-hand man and servant in the form of one of his most powerful Duel Monster spirits: the Dark Magician. This monster is a Level 7, Spellcaster-Type monster of the Dark attribute. He's described as "the ultimate wizard in terms of attack and defense."

It's a pretty fitting description. Every time he launches a spell with his green staff or even just the palm of his hand, the entire screen goes photo-negative before his enemies literally shatter to pieces!

That isn't exactly unique to him. Every monster in Yu-Gi-Oh breaks apart like glass shards when it's destroyed. Although, I guess they sometimes turn into sparkles before fading out of the physical plane of existence. It's a weird show.

The Dark Magician is practically Yugi's ace in the hole. Hey, there's a card game pun! I should write that down.

Please, don't. *sigh* He normally has enough striking power to take on any monster that tries to defend against him. Though, there have been a few exceptions shown on screen such as the Millennium Shield, with about 500 more defense points than Dark Magician's attack points.

So... Dark Magician has a power level of 2500 when attacking and 2100 when defending? Eh, not as impressive as Goku.

No, listen... when it comes to comparing "real" feats with its stats in the card game, the power levels are meaningless. When forced into tough situations, the Dark Magician has survived encounters with dragons, evil serpents, and all kinds of monsters big and small.

But can he bench-press a planet?

You're not listening. I see that now. In any case, the Dark Magician is impressive, but he rarely ever fights on his own without some special tricks up his purple mage sleeves. For quick escape artist tricks, he has the Magical Hats that can hide him and shuffle him around on the field and the Mystic Box which can alter his position while simultaneously stabbing another monster on the field repeatedly with swords out of thin air.

If he needs a little extra striking power, he can pull out his Magic Formula book to pump up his attack strength and his Dark Spear to really pierce his opponents' defense.

The Magic Cylinder trap allows him to negate an enemy's attack and deal an equally strong amount of damage to his opponent.

Or if he just needs to get rid of a monster without setting off its Flip-effect, he can summon a Thousand Knives to turn that monster into a pin cushion right before it dies. Fun fact: these knives were once used to see through another spellcaster's illusion spell to try and destroy it outright.

There are a few other Spellcaster-specific cards that are often paired with him, but they require at least one other Monster Card somewhere in order for them to work. I don't think we'll be using those as part of the final analysis.

Still, this guy has accomplished a lot for being a thousand-year-old dead guy. He has been in fusions that have taken out fairies, dragons, and living jars... oh my.

"Well remember: as magicians, there is no trick that we cannot pull off."

///Death Battle\\\

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

///Death Battle\\\

The day seems to be pleasant enough over Ponyville. Clouds are being pushed away by the pegasi, birds are being led in a choir, and one pony is watering the petunias. Our camera guy gets a good panning shot of the town and its assortment of simple houses, a bridge over a small river, and a cottage currently spinning over itself.

...

Oh no.

Zooming into the cottage, it appears that Discord is visiting and making himself at home. A number of objects inside of the owner's cottage keep falling down, due to the shift in which way the house is facing. Pots break, books get folded wrong, and Fluttershy has to fly more than usual just to remain still. In an idle yawning motion, Discord tosses a random playing card out the window with his eagle talon.

At that moment, the local princess trots by. However, when she stops and sees the cottage rotating by itself, she decides to give her two friends some space. That sounds like a solid plan, but it gets interrupted when a small piece of decorated cardboard smacks her in the face. Apparently, wind resistance is nothing more than a myth.

She pulls the card off her face and it lands illustration-side up on the road. The card suddenly glows in a golden light. Surprised, the alicorn backs up several hoof steps and stands in a defensive posture. Out of the card, a ridiculously designed purple robe carries the face of a serious man. He spins his green staff in front of himself and then holds it high.

"FIGHT!"

Dark Magician points his staff down and unleashes a spell. The whole screen goes into opposite colors for a brief time. An orange-ish dome surrounds Twilight Sparkle as her horn ignites. When the screen returns to normal colors, it looks like the green blast dances off to either side of her actually magenta shield. She tries firing her own bolts of magic at this new foe.

The monster suddenly vanishes as four giant top hats with yellow question marks on them appear. Twilight's three scattered shots blast three of the hats into dust. As she makes a confused noise, the fourth hat flips over and reveals the Dark Magician. He smiles and performs a tsk-tsk motion with his index finger.

Grunting indignantly, Twilight takes flight to hover at the same eye-level as the levitating magician. She casts what looks like an orb of light that floats around. The Dark Magician follows with his sight. This orb hits the remaining mystery top hat. In an instant, the hat warps into the shape of a large vampire bat and opens its fanged mouth at its former wearer.

In a silent gasp, the monster points the palm of his free hand at the bat and casts his Dark Magic attack. After the screen shakes and tilts around, the giant bat shatters into a bunch of glass-like pieces before disappearing entirely. While his back is turned, Twilight lights up her horn again. This spell results in the tall man catching on fire.

Some black dust appears around Dark Magician and extinguishes the fire with a life-sized box that covers him from crown to toe. Like the hats before, this box is adorned with yellow question marks. Twilight looks around and yelps when a similar box surrounds her. It appears both of them are trapped.

A twinkling from the sky grows into at least five swords. They jam themselves right into the first Mystic Box. The various angles look like they can guarantee the skewering of its occupant. The second Mystic Box opens up and the Dark Magician levitates out unharmed. But an instant later, he is surprised to see a magenta flash and the appearance of an equally unharmed pony.

"Heh, I can teleport too, you know." Twilight flaps her wings while charging up another spell.

This time, several objects along the path float up. Rocks of varying sizes and a mailbox all float up in Twilight's control. She launches them all at her enemy. The Dark Magician sweeps his staff from right to left. His motion seems to summon two giant cylinder objects just above his head.

First, the cylinder to his right acts like a vacuum cleaner, sucking up all of the flying debris into itself. Dark Magician spins around and points his staff at Twilight. The cylinder on his left magically shoots back the debris all at once. Twilight flies down and rotates herself to avoid the gist of the debris. Though, a few stray pebbles tap her at speeds that sting a little.

Dark Magician magically conjures five knives in his free hand.

"You think a handful of knives are going to be enough to take me down?" Twilight raises her brow.

With a few "whooshing" noises, another nine hundred ninety-five knives appear around the air in front of the Dark spell-caster.

Twilight's face droops as her eyes open wide. "Oh..."

With a flick of his wrist as the signal, all of Dark Magician's Thousand Knives fly through the air. Their pointy ends are directed straight at Twilight.

"Hang on, Twilight!"

Another mare teleports in front of Twilight. This unicorn casts a rather large, diamond-shaped shield spell that surrounds the two ponies. Every knife pounds into the shield like a hailstorm. However, none of them get through before shattering themselves. Twilight looks at her student in surprise.

Starlight keeps herself floating in a levitation spell. "When you didn't come home, I did a little searching across the map when I suddenly felt a huge surge that resembled dark magic." Her shield fades out. "Is that creature the cause?"

"Looks like it." Twilight nods. "Ready to put that power to a practical use?"

"I was ready a year ago." Starlight smiles proudly.

"Bond Between Teacher and Student!" shouts another voice.

Dark Magician looks to his side as light brings forth another monster. She resembles a blonde lady wearing a rather gaudy outfit of several pinks and blues. She winks and twirls around before floating next to the first spell-caster.

"Mana! What are you doing here?" asks Dark Magician.

"I sensed you were locked in battle, Master." Dark Magician Girl smiles gently at him. "I couldn't just sit around and wait for you to return." She looks forward and her eyes comically turn into valentines. "Oh my gosh! Those ponies look adorable!"

"Don't get too distracted," warns Dark Magician. "They may look harmless, but they carry within them a magic that may very well be as strong as our own."

"Oh really?" Dark Magician Girl's eyes return to normal as she rotates her wand around. "Let's see if they can avoid Diffusion Wave-Motion!"

Both humanoid magicians hold their respective tools forward. Multiple spell blasts are released from their ends. In response, the two ponies teleport around the battle field to various positions. Although craters form in the ground and a passerby pegasus nearly loses her tail, none of the magic attacks appear to be connecting with their intended targets.

Dark Magician and Dark Magician Girl cross their staves. Twilight and Starlight teleport to hover next to each other. A double-cast of Dark Magic Attack is met with a double-cast of a magical beam. All four combatants look at their action with determined eyes. Eventually, the air being compressed by these four spells can't handle the pressure and blows outward in a blinding explosion.

The two ponies teleport behind the discorded tree cottage to catch their breath. At the rate this battle is going, raw power isn't going to decide anything. Starlight gets an idea and teleports away. Three sparks go into a spell being charged at the end of her horn. She aims it straight at the back of Dark Magician. He can't even mutter a yell when his eyes suddenly shrink in the whites.

"Listen, Dark Magician! Hear me and obey! Destroy yourself!"

Dark Magician Girl casts her Dark Burning attack in the direction of the unicorn. Starlight puts up a small shield to rebound the attack. Meanwhile, the Dark Magician is still looking the other way as his staff transforms into his Dark Spear.

His student turns to look at him. "Master Mahad?"

Without warning, he tosses his spear straight up. Gravity soon takes over and points it straight back down... right through his head. The ultimate wizard breaks apart into glass-like pieces. Dark Magician Girl yells out at the sight.

Twilight teleports next to her own student. "Starlight! What did I tell you about using Persuaderi?"

"What?" Starlight looks incredulous. "Was that guy your friend?"

Twilight exhaled. "Not yet, but he could've been!"

Starlight rolls her eyes. "Right, because nothing says friendship like throwing a thousand knives at your face. Come on, Twilight!"

Twilight rubs her head. "Okay, okay, you've made your point."

...

"One down, one to go." Starlight charges up one more spell, aimed at the remaining spellcaster.

Dark Magician Girl points her wand down. "You've activated my trap: Dark Revival!"

The ground shakes violently. A large, decorated coffin rises up from the dirt. As Starlight releases her spell toward the Dark Magician Girl, the coffin folds open from four different hinges. A curious mist flows out and bounces the spell away from the female monster. But that isn't all that is happening. This same mist starts surrounding Starlight and pulls her toward the coffin. She yelps and tries rapidly casting spells at the mist and herself. All of them fizzle out.

Twilight attempts to cast spells at the mist too. They seem to have as little effect on the mist from the outside as Starlight's are having from the inside. Starlight screams as the mist shrinks her down and absorbs her into the foreboding hole in the center of the coffin. Twilight tries flying in to physically grab her friend and student, but the mist magically pushes her away.

Dark Magician Girl levitates herself into the mist from the coffin. "Master, I offer you another chance with the sacrifice of one enemy... and myself!" She closes her eyes and smiles thinly as the mist does the same thing to her as it does to Starlight. The coffin's four-part door slams shut.

Twilight's eyes water and she lifts her head to look straight up. "Starlight!"

The coffin slowly opens back up, drawing the attention of a distraught Twilight. The unicorn and the female magician are nowhere to be seen. Instead, a purple-clad mage pulls himself out. He holds his green staff across his chest and looks to the side.

"Mana..." He mutters. "I will honor your sacrifice. Magic Formula!"

A large, locked tome appears in front of Dark Magician. It opens up and reveals its secrets only to him. Somehow, this increases his power just from reading it. Meanwhile, Twilight's eyes grow dark as does the magic dancing around her horn. She stares at the monster that dared to take her friend away. This emotion is hurting her, but she doesn't care.

While holding his book in one hand, Dark Magician takes aim with his staff. He launches the Dark Magic attack. However, the pony disappears and four familiar top hats materialize. The Dark Magic destroys one of the hats, but appears to have little effect on anything else. He gasps, then takes a moment to study the hats carefully.

He takes aim at the Magical Hat on the far left. When the material is pulverized, something inside sucks in the rest of his Dark Magic attack. He realizes too late that this pony somehow copied his Magic Cylinder. He takes the full force of his volleyed Dark Magic attack. His face is erased to an outline before getting brushed away completely. The Dark Magician is destroyed.

The other two Magical Hats disperse, leaving a crying Twilight Sparkle on the ground.

K.O!

///Death Battle\\\

Jeepers! There's nothing left of that guy!

Yeah, and they even lost their friends. This is rather messed up.

Says you! Triple the casualties means triple the fun!

While adding an ally to the Dark Magician's side might have increased his mathematical power, it wouldn't make a whole lot of difference in his favor against an enemy like Twilight Sparkle. Unlike most of the Dark Magician's enemies that are content to stay perfectly still as he destroys them, Twilight prefers to get out of that danger as soon as possible and has more consistent options to do so.

Yeah, even though Yugi really likes this trading card, he tends to accidentally get it destroyed... a lot.

Additionally, most of the Dark Magician's special spells and abilities are limited to one use per duel. Whereas Twilight doesn't have such restrictions and can even pick up new spells when the plot demands it, such as learning Rarity's gem-finding spell or Starlight Glimmer's crystal-prison spell, or Celestia's singular on-screen use of dark magic.

Basically, she's an ever-evolving character while the Dark Magician is kind of limited to his lore, which is pretty much stuck in the B.C. years.

In the end, his arsenal and experience were just no match in comparison to Twilight's.

And it all brought his Life Points down to zero.

The winner is Twilight Sparkle.

///Death Battle\\\

---

Author's Note:

It's amazing what a few re-watches of some older show scenes can make a man think about.

Comments

[Dirty Bit]

That was a crazy fight. Almost expected Twilight to lose to Dark Magician like she did to Raven.

At least it was balanced enough.

[leslie2000]

Aku (From Samurai Jack) Vs The Pony Of Shadows

[leslie2000]

Nyx (From Past Sins) vs Atreus (From God of War 2018)