The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza

Chapter 68: Season 2 Outtakes Reel #2

Formatting needs to be set to "Dark"... I've told you this bit already!

All properties belong to their respective owners.
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Season 2

---Another Outtakes Reel---

Hit it!

---Outtake #16---

“I need Dragonzord power!” Tommy exclaims. He holds his dagger up and starts moving his fingers around in the fashion of a flute player. Why a trumpet decides to play in the background is beyond me.

Something large disturbs the ocean’s gentle tide cycle. After much bubbling, the head of a large mechanical dinosaur appears followed by the rest of its body. It slowly wanders onto the beach.

Without warning, a spinning disk-like entity flies in while projecting fire jets around itself. The Dragonzord gets hit in the head several times before falling onto its side. Limbs pop out of the disk-like entity before revealing itself to be one of the largest ninja turtles in history.

~Gamera... Gamera...~

---Outtake #17---

The camera zooms in on a speeding target down the street. It seems Fili-Second is galloping with a determined look on her face. It's a good thing that the replay cameraman is on duty. The audience gets to see the pony headbutt the ranger three times in a row even though it's really just one headbutt.

"Ow... my head..." Fili-Second moans as she lies down. Her hooves hold against her mane.

"Ow, my rear," mutters the Black Ranger as he rubs the pain underneath that suit.

---Outtake #18---

According to a particular source, the Masked Matter-Horn has always been a Pegasus pony.

... Daf*q are you talking about?

Didn't you notice the color of her costume? Did you also notice that her horn is the same color as the rest of her garments? How could she be casting spells through a headband without directly hitting the band itself?

Wait, that horn is an artificial attachment?

Precisely. That's why her magic and range of spells are so weak in comparison to the average alicorn or even a well-versed unicorn. She can only cast elemental beams from her horn because that was all it was designed to do.

Li comes up and whacks N upside the head.

Keep yo' faux pas head-canon outta mah DBP, capiche?

N whimpers and looks up with big, teary eyes.

---Outtake #19---

As quickly as each piece of the impromptu tea set approaches her, she lifts a leg or arm to strike it away. The scene kind of reminds me of how Ryu Hayabusa was able to quickly disassemble Strider Hiryu's battle robots.

The Yellow Ranger quickly follows this impressive display by making an aerial dive through the onslaught of... and she gets pushed back. Oh geez... I think some of those forks are stuck into her. That wasn't in the script, was it?

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A/N: Cut!
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A quick medi-gun blast is given to Trini. I hope we don't have to redo that scene too many times over.

---Outtake #20---

Back inside the tornado, Kimberly tries an unusual move of wielding a pink bow. She takes aim into the same direction as the wind and fires. The laser arrow flies around the storm creating a bright, pink circular section of the tornado. She alters her aim slightly. After a few passes of the first arrow, she releases a second shot.

The stop-motion camera reveals that this shot makes a direct hit against the first arrow. The collision creates a laser explosion... along with several sharks for some reason. As the unexpected fish flop around and start chewing up the landscape, the Pink Ranger and Zapp let out loud screams while scurrying away from the scene as quickly as humanly possible.

---Outtake #21---

In case it wasn't obvious of exactly what her heroine persona is a rip-off, here's the "too long, didn't read" version. Combine Ms. Marvelous's name with Wonder Woman's Lasso of Truth, Batman's batarangs, Robin's wonder boy get-up and Applejack's southern twang.

Wow, you're not wasting any time, are you?

We can't afford to. We already used up most of the speaking budget in that overblown introduction of this chapter.

But we don't even get paid.

That's exactly what I just got through saying. We're not getting paid and that's final!

Okay, let's just continue our analysis of Mistress Mare-velous.

Good! Just don't pay me.

---Outtake #22---

I know. It’s because I rule.

*muttering* Is it too late to bring back those ponies?

Ah, you can talk to your two girlfriends some other time.

Wait, what?! They're not my girlfriends!

Oh, don't act so shy, W. You were eyeing that fiery unicorn chick when you thought I wasn't looking.

The sound effects guy hits the 'George Michael saxophone' button.

Uh, B, I'm not sure how to tell you this but... F is a guy.

What? That's crazy! ... I mean, uh, I'm not judging you for being-

I am not ho- stop! How did we even get on this tangent of conversation?

No clue.

And could somebody turn off that darn sax music?

Sorry.

---Outtake #23---

"Heh, you're not as bad as I thought you'd be," comments Vegeta. His smile grows slightly. "Let's see if you can handle this."

The Saiyan starts growling as energy begins to radiate around his body. He starts yelling out a single syllable as the gathering energy becomes a yellow color. However, before his hair can follow suit, some kind of light blue energy hits him in the backside. His concentration on his power gather is broken and the move putters out.

"What the hell?" he asks as he turns around. "Who threw that?"

A whitish anthro hedgehog glides over. Its gloved hand glows in that same light blue color as before.

"I have to destroy you before you kill Shadow!" announces Silver.

"That already happened," says Vegeta.

"Oh," says Silver in realization, "Wuh..." He levitates a gun and clicks it. "Give me the Senzu bean."

---Outtake #24---

Modern media has taken great efforts to ensure that the position of princess does not always equate to damsel in distress waiting to marry a stranger who happens to be a prince.

Heck, if you even tried to save these princesses in that way, you'd get your *ss set on fire... or electrocuted... or magically blown to cinders... or frozen... or pulled apart limb from limb... or kicked in the head several times... or lectured... or stared at... or banished to the moon... or locked in a prison hold on the moon that you were banished to...

I think you've made your point, B.

Hold on. Hold on. Not just yet. Where was I? Oh yeah. You could be drowned... or be squeezed underneath a giant crusher... or shoved into the meat grinder... or exploded... or exploded again... or-

You can't explode twice. It's scientifically impossible. Once you explode once, the original you is no longer a thing that can go through any explosions after that.

---Outtake #25---

Something seems different today.

What are you talking about?

I don't know. The atmosphere just feels... flipped.

Maybe it's because we're girls.

Whoa! What the heck?

What? What? What is it?

...

Dudette, is that even normal?

AK-47 facepalms and groans.

---Outtake #26---

The American Dragon performs a cross between the moonwalk and the Egyptian walk.

"You've been hit by," sings Jake with headphones on, "You've been struck by... a smooth dragon fire."

---Outtake #27---

Solar Fla-

Leona's voice catches in her throat. The screen splits to show both Celestia and Luna with their shocked faces. When the camera finally pans down, the blade with a lunar symbol is shown with its pointy end sticking out of Leona's chest. She quivers a bit as her eyes turn to look behind her.

"I told you to stay out of my way," says Diana with a straight face.

Leona's eyes go wide as a very childish noise buzzes somewhere down below. Diana suddenly lets go of the blade handle and starts waving in front of her face.

"Why did you eat that junk before the fight?" she wonders while trying unsuccessfully to wave away the smell.

"Sorry," Leona says with a blush.

The screen splits to show side-by-side images of Celestia and Luna unable to contain their laughter.

---Outtake #28---

Maud Pie is Pinkie Pie's sister and one of her closest friends. But unlike Pinkie, Maud stayed on the rock farm and has dedicated the better part of her life to understanding everything about rocks inside and out. Currently, she is aiming for a doctorate's degree in rocket science.

Oh my g**d... wait. W, you didn't do it right.

What are you talking about?

Your line is, "Currently, she is aiming for a rockterate degree in rock science."

What? That's ridiculous. There's no such thing as a rockterate degree.

I know, but... that's the line.

That is so stu- That's it! I'm going to my trailer.

W hollers something about not wanting to be disturbed.

Okay. I guess I'll just play Candy Crusher or something while you do whatever.

---Outtake #29---

After several seconds of her fists of fury, Blossom floats in one place panting heavily. Twilight quickly flutters over and delivers a kick. The girl slams down against a corner of the pavement and a building. She opens her eyes and stares at the pony approaching on the ground.

"The game isn't as fun when you're losing, is it?" asks Twilight.

"Well, you just lost the game," retorts Blossom.

Twilight's eyes widen before she slaps her face with a hoof. "Celestia d*** it!"

---

Author's Note:

Mishaps. Glorious mishaps.

Comments

[Dirty Bit]

Freaking Sharknado...

"Oh," says Silver in realization, "Wuh..." He levitates a gun and clicks it. "Give me the Senzu bean."

Senzu bean! *tosses one*

[SudokuBrony]

Love that SpongeBob reference you put in there!

[Lag Incarnate]

~Gamera... Gamera...~

~Tibby... oh, Tibby...~