The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza

Street Fighter vs. Rock Farmer

Please make sure that the "Formatting" setting is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

Poem, you are a poem. Paper, you are a sheet for a poem, which you are. Poem.
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Capcom.
---

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 2

(28)

Oh, Legs, you so fine! You so fine! You blow my mind! Go, Legs! *random clapping*

Are we really doing this?

Yes, yes we are.

Just checking.

Strength and power and come from just about anywhere when enough care is given.

Chun-Li from the Street Fighter series will be fighting against...

... Maud Pie from the Pie Family rock farm.

This isn't some late April Fools' joke, is it? 'Cause I really didn't appreciate that fake invitation to Honest Trailers gag you pulled on me the other day.

He's B and I'm W, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Maud Pie
-Earth pony
-Interests: Rocks, family
-Hobbies: Identifying and classifying rocks, writing rock-focused poetry, playing games with rocks
-Has a pet rock named "Boulder"
-Strength: Enough to toss a large rock over twice the length of Ponyville's lake; enough to turn a gigantic boulder into pebbles
-Dislikes: Candy
-Working on her "rockterate in rock science"

*sniff* *sniff* "Hmm. Sedimentary."

Maud Pie is Pinkie Pie's sister and one of her closest friends. But unlike Pinkie, Maud stayed on the rock farm and has dedicated the better part of her life to understanding everything about rocks inside and out. Currently, she is aiming for a rockterate degree in rock science.

Oh my g**d. The pun, it hurts!

Whether it's determining a sedimentary from an igneous or writing the perfect haiku, you can always be certain that Maud's focus will be on rocks.

This pony is more obsessed with her field of study than geologists.

It's a bit difficult to determine how she feels about anything due to her monotonous voice and low-energy reactions. However, her love for her sister is genuine.

Just hold it together, B. You can get through this.

B takes a breath.

Ever since early childhood, she and Pinkie Pie have made it a tradition every year to string together pieces of rock candy made from secret rocks and then trade the finished necklaces.

Traditions of exchanging hard candy necklaces aside, she has one of the most abnormal stamina pools I've ever seen. She can toss a dense rock over a distance of more than fifty-five yards with an aftershock strong enough to cause a tsunami in a lake about eighteen yards away.

Additionally, she can punch a large boulder so rapidly that the entire thing crumbles to pebbles. Her punching force is powerful enough to imitate a jackhammer.

You think she could give Dig Dug a run for his money?

Maybe. Though, I doubt she'd even notice herself doing so.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't show my enthusiasm for things quite in the same way my sister does."

---Death Battle---

Chun-Li
-Height: 5'6"; Weight: Redacted
-Trained with Gen; Skilled in Tai Chi and Kenpo
-Detective for Interpol
-Lightning Legs, Axe Kick (Hazanshu), Spinning Bird Kick; Kikoken, Kikosho
-Placed 6th in a national shooting competition; does not carry a gun normally
-Martial arts teacher
-Never won a tournament in the main storyline

Strider Hiryu briefly appears on screen.

"Never thought I would meet a detective that has such grace and beauty."

Chun-Li is a detective working for Interpol. She has received basic police training as well as martial arts training from Gen. She is very skilled in Tai Chi and Kenpo and her fighting style focuses on speed over strength.

She's the first woman of the fighting game genre and an abuser of the "Thigh Master". I love how fast and powerful those legs can kick her opponent and pressure them into submission. I mean, those things can kick a person through a wall of bricks.

Her trademark moves include the rapid-striking Lightning Legs, a nearly instantaneous axe kick, and the physics-defying Spinning Bird Kick.

My ride tonight goes "swa-swa-swa-swa-swa".

*ahem* When M. Bison killed her parents, Chun-Li swore vengeance and traveled the world over in search of him.

Too bad Gen was a dick and left her before she could finish her training.

Still, she was able to train her ki abilities on her own. These developed into the slow, precise Kikoken projectile and the large, forceful Kikosho ultimate.

The Kikosho is strong enough to stop a speeding car.

After her travels, Chun-Li took up teaching as a martial arts instructor. However, she hasn't won any of the major tournaments and has failed to kill Bison.

Not to mention, Guile has to save her behind a lot. Still, as the strongest woman in the world, she's not someone you want to mess with... unless you're as perverted as I am.

What?

"Speed is something more important than strength!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

The surface of today's arena is quite rough. I'd probably have trouble navigating such a terrain, and I'm just a voice. One of the combatants stands tall with her fists clenched. She's clearly ready. But her opponent is...

"Hmm. Igneous."

... preoccupied.

A question mark briefly appears over the first combatant's head.

"There are an awful lot of igneous rocks here," says the gray pony monotonously, "The soil is probably good for cultivation, possibly for metamorphic rocks years down the road."

The blue-clothed woman shakes her ox-horns and reestablishes her fighting stance.

"FIGHT!"

"I'm not interested in fighting," says Maud as she stands up and trots away.

A thought bubble with an ellipsis appears over Chun-Li as she lowers her arms in disbelief.

"Default."

---Death Battle---

Well, that certainly beats the American Dragon's fight in terms of record short. Wouldn't you say so, B?

...

B? Hey, B! Where'd you go?

---Death Battle---

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Something blurred to look like a pink missile rushes past a surprised Chun-Li. She looks behind her to said projectile that's off screen. Something explodes, leaving behind a cloud made out of pure confetti.

She did it!

Chun-Li turns around to see a slowly approaching Maud Pie.

"You hurt Pinkie," says Maud, still with her deadpanned eyes, "You won't like me when you hurt Pinkie."

Crickets chirp as Chun-Li tries to fully comprehend the situation. Is this pony actually angry or is she just saying that? Either way, the martial artist lifts her fists one more time.

"FIGHT!"

Despite her disinterested appearance, Maud makes the first leap toward her opponent. She throws a few hoof jabs, but Chun-Li blocks off the worst of the chip damage. Chun reverses the situation with an upward kick before giving Maud a couple of good slaps with her open palm. She then goes to work with her really fast lightning kicks.

The speedy thigh combo sends Maud hurling before landing on the rough terrain. She shakes it off and starts throwing some of the igneous rocks around her. After taking two hard hits against her body, Chun-Li wises up and holds her hands open in front of her.

"Kikoken!"

Small, bluish energy balls start emerging from thin air. Although they aren't moving very fast, the pure energy is enough to grind the rest of the incoming rocks into dust in the wind.

But then, the same cannot be said for the large boulder being flung in her direction. Chun-Li takes a flying leap and extends her leg forward. In a flash of light that temporarily blinds the cameraman, the rock is split in two while Chun safely moves in the direction in which she leaped.

Maud Pie looks surprised with an exclamation point above her.

No, she still looks pretty deadpanned to me.

"Spinning Bird Kick!"

The woman's declaration is simultaneous to her spinning upside-down while her legs are fully extended. The pony gets caught in the whirling motion as well as a few kicking strikes to her side. She gets forcibly thrown through the air to the ground yet again.

Her legs struggle to stand, but Maud doesn't even look like she cares. Chun-Li steps forth as an aura of ki energy surrounds her.

"Ready for this? Kikosho!"

A giant sphere of energy swirls in front of Chun's extended arms. The rotating energy seems to hit Maud in multiple places considering how she convulses left and right. The pony is launched off the screen.

"Ahhhh," she says in that tone just shy of robotic. The sound of a landing is heard a second later.

"Hi, Maud! Oh, no! Your legs are all limb and numb. You need a sugar transplant, stat!"

"Pinkie, what are you doing?" Maud asks.

"Up, up, and away!"

Maud's eyes open in surprise while the pink missile from earlier flies into the sky. Both gray and pink disappear from sight entirely. Chun-Li stares up before looking forward with her eyebrow raised.

"Player has disconnected."

---Death Battle---

Sorry, I had to use the john. What did I miss?

I saw you throw Pinkie Pie before.

No idea what you're talking about.

Fine. In that case, you can shut up and let me do the talking.

Okay!

B puts up his feet and kicks back in his chair.

While Maud Pie does partake in games sometimes, she never does so for the sake of winning. It wasn't until her sister was in danger that she seriously used her strength.

Heh heh heh.

However, bursts of strength for the sake of familial protection cannot compare to consistent strength. Even though turning a giant boulder into rubble is impressive, Chun-Li can perform similar feats with her quick reflexes and pressure point strategy.

And as soon as Maud realized her sister was no longer in danger, her desire to fight left her.

How do you know that? There's no monitor in the restroom.

Um... Hey look! An unannounced winner!

B runs away while laughing like a maniac.

Son of a... ugh. The winner is Chun-Li.

W can be heard shouting, "Get back here!" while giving chase.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

W doesn't make mistakes. He will, however, update old information when he deems it necessary to do so. So what Death Battle information will be updated this time?

*flap* *flap* *flap*

Well, you'll just have to find that out next time.

*Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep*
---

Author's Note:

I like it when I can write outside of the usual "somebody must die" formula. It's very refreshing.

Comments

[trahzo]

Dante from Devil May Cry vs Hell Boy
Ryu from Street Fighter vs Spongebob
Metal Sonic vs Mecha Naruto
Kurama vs Amaterasu from Okami
Gokai Red vs Kamen Rider Decade
Mega Charizard X vs Toothless
Ed Edd n' Eddy vs PPG
Mario Vs. Sonic Vs. Megaman Vs. Pacman battle royale.
Mare Do Well vs Masked Matterhorn.
Kamen Rider Ichigo vs Bravoman
Filly Second vs the Flash
Shadow the Hedgehog vs Sunset Satan.
Pit & Palutena vs Twilight Sparkle & Celestia
Teen Titans vs Mane 6
Optimus Prime Super Mode (Cybertron) vs Rainbowfied Twilight.
Chibiterasu, son of Amaterasu vs Spike
Red Buster vs Scootaloo.

[Dirty Bit]

Dick move, Boomstick. Dick move

Honestly, I was rooting for Maud due to her immense strength.

[Lag Incarnate]

YES! I was right for once!