The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza

Sidekicks Scuddle

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" so that colored text is legible. Thank you.

Mama-mia... let's-a go...
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, DEATH Battle channel, and Nintendo.
---

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

(A Death Battle Parody)

Who is the younger one again?

Heroes come in all shapes and sizes. Many of them are so iconic that they're the first thing to come to mind when thinking of various adjectives. But few of these heroes would stand as tall as they do today without some help from their sidekicks.

Luigi, Mario's younger brother...

... will be facing Spike, Twilight Sparkle's number one assistant and dragon.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

~~~Death Battle~~~

Luigi

-Full name: Luigi Mario
-Plumber and younger brother to Mario
-Taller, faster, and more agile than his brother
-Personal items separate from Mario: His own Ultra Hammer, the Poltergust 5000, a last resort Negative Zone, and the god of thunder's lightning hands
-Has survived many conditions that would kill ordinary men
-Weakness: Cowardice

When you do your fair share of the work and yet your brother still gets all the credit for saving the day, life isn't easy.

No crud. Luigi's got it rough.

Still, he doesn't seem too bothered to take a step back and let Mario be the hero. If anything, he's more proud of his brother than anyone else is.

I smell an abuse story just waiting to be uncovered.

What we do know is that Luigi is taller than his brother, slightly faster than his brother, and can jump higher than his brother.

It's almost like he's compensating for something.

*Ahem!* While Luigi is durable enough to survive more than one aggressive hit from an enemy, he doesn't quite have the courage that Mario does. His fear has spread to encompass many of the things he encounters on a regular basis, such as ghosts, water, sports equipment, and... a bunch of other stuff.

Luckily, his paranoia leads to being prepared with a bunch of different items. He carries an Ultra Hammer for smacking fools, the Poltergust 5000 for exorcising the undead, and frigging lightning hands taught by the god of thunder(?).

There is also his secret ability of weaponizing the darkness he has dwelt in for a little too long. In a desperate fix, he can bring the Negative Zone into the physical realm. With it, he can force enemies to hallucinate and act unpredictably. Side effects may include damage over time and tripping over absolutely nothing.

Well, screw the white powder drugs! I should call up Luigi and see if I can grab a spot in the Negative Zone!

B, that's ridicu- ... Hmm. On second thought, have fun.

"Oh, yeah! I-I-I'm... the winner!"

~~~Death Battle~~~

Spike

-"The Dragon"
-Hatched by and personal assistant to Princess Twilight Sparkle
-Scales that resist pain, fire, and lava (see episode "Dragon Quest")
-Fire breath that can melt stadium-crushing icebergs... or be precise enough to ignite a small fuse (see episode "Equestria Games")
-Wings that allow brief periods of flight
-Most level-headed when the plot demands his pony friends act crazy and insane
-Weakness: Child naivete and deep-rooted dragon instincts

So... how was the Negative Zone?

Shut up, W. Just shut up.

Heh heh heh. Dragons are used in many legendary tales as one of the big bads. Naturally, dragons are aggressive, territorial, and symbols of avarice. The Judeo-Christian myth of the Devil is sometimes depicted as a dragon.

But then you've got shows like Dragon Tales that just sort of turn the cool dial down to one. When did sharing and caring become synonymous with cold-blooded, fire-breathing reptiles?

I'm surprised you know what the word "synonymous" means. Well, in the world of the fourth generation "My Little Pony", some of that ferocity returns, with the exception of a singular dragon birthed by a pony named Twilight Sparkle. His name is Spike.

Really? That's what they decided to call him? We have neighbors' dogs who are called Spike. I guess I can't get too upset. At least they didn't give him some girlie name like they did for almost the entire cast.

Huh. That Negative Zone really did a number on your mood. Maybe I should send some of my test subjects into it.

Did you say something?

I was just getting to the part about how Spike grew up as Twilight's loyal assistant. He re-shelves her books, cooks her food, cleans her home, and snaps her out of bouts of insanity. He's practically her butler.

Can I get a butler that's also a dragon?

Sadly, no. You're not a unicorn and you don't attend Celstia's school for the magically gifted.

Darn it!

Although most of Spike's life was in the company of ponies, he did go on a couple journeys specifically tailored to the dragons of the land. Once was to discover that he didn't need to be one hundred percent like other dragons. The other was to answer the, at-the-time, Dragon Lord Torch's call for the Gauntlet of Fire: a sort of passage of rites to determine the next Dragon Lord.

Spike didn't become the next Dragon Lord, but he did help make way for a fellow dragon named Ember, someone who decided that a leader should be smart and tactful, not just strong and reckless.

And after an... interesting molting cycle, he gained a pair of wings.

It only took him eight years of screen-time! Sheesh! This show made its main character a princess with wings after three. What took them so long to make this physical change?

Anyway, flight is not Spike's only capability. He has scales that are capable of taking the pain of several needles and other damage, his tail can strike hard enough to dig into the ground, and he can breathe fire that can be used both for obviously burning things to ashes or not so obviously for sending messages between members of royalty.

Can he still be classified as a baby dragon?

Well, he's still physically younger than most of the other dragons that have been shown on screen. With that comes the weakness of less life experience and more gullibility. If he doesn't have someone less sane to comfort and talk sense into, he can often fall for tricks by others or by his own imagination. Discouragement strikes harder when his self-esteem is fragile.

But apparently, falling prey to his own dragonic greed can bulk him out to a size that rivals Godzilla. How the hell does that work?

"You know, it's kinda weird. No matter how many times others tell you you're great, all the praise in the world means nothing if you don't feel it inside. Sometimes to feel good about yourself, you gotta let go of the past. That way, when the time comes to let your greatness fly, you'll be able to light up the whole sky."

~~~Death Battle~~~

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

~~~Death Battle~~~

This arena's sky has clouds with little faces on them. Most of them are smiling. One briefly looks like it is winking before switching to the default smile of the rest of the clouds. Down below on the ground, Mario is leading Peach safely out of Bowser's castle.

His brother opens the latch to a hot air balloon basket and politely gestures with his hand. With a smile and a nod, Mario takes Peach by the hand and leads her into the basket. He then proceeds to pulls the latch closed without a word. As the balloon floats up, the basket and its two passengers follow suit, leaving the brother to trip over when he tries to step into a basket that is no longer there.

With a brief sigh, the brother in green goes for a quick jog in the direction of home. Along his path, he sees a giant green pipe. It has a sign on it with hastily scratched letters that reads, "Shortcut". Giving it little mind, the brother takes a giant leap and drops into the pipe.

A giant paintbrush pushes the sign away, revealing an illustration. What is pictured looks like a cloud with a rainbow on the upper-right side of it. A bluish outline of a pony is painted on the lower-left side. The childish voice of Bowser Jr. chuckles evilly at the prank he has pulled.

---

"~Twilight's away at school
To teach new students friendship
Time to dust every nook
And cranny in the castle...~"

A little violet and green dragon is singing under his breath. He slides a ladder over near one of the doors and grabs a feather duster. He continues to hum as he climbs up and waves the duster along the door frame. A strange noise echoes three times down the hall. A question mark briefly pops over the little dragon's head before he puts his duster away.

He hops off the ladder and opens his wings. Gliding slowly toward the floor, he aims himself toward another door in the hallway. Landing with barely a sound, he presses the door open.

"Twilight? Is that you?" He looks around before flicking his claw at a light switch.

The room gets a lot brighter and looks like a bathroom, or perhaps a water closet. Either way, there's a large green pipe sitting on top of the toilet that was not there earlier. A short man in green and overalls hops out of the pipe before landing on the crystal floor. He grunts in a questioning tone, looking around an unfamiliar setting.

"Augh!" The dragon yells while pointing a claw at the intruder. "Sewer monster!"

The plumber's eyes open wide as he spots the young dragon. Likewise, he screams in fear. The dragon continues to scream. The man keeps screaming too. The camera keeps flipping back and forth between the screaming dragon and the screaming plumber.

...

Okay, that's enough.

"Okay, Spike. Calm down," he mutters to himself. "You can't let this sewer monster get loose. It's up to me to take care of it." He shows off his claws with as much intimidation as his small stature can allow.

"Mario! Help!" The other one yells. No one responds. He sighs and holds up his fists while the rest of his body shakes in place. "Mama-mia..."

FIGHT!

Luigi starts by jumping up. Surprisingly, there is a lot of aerial space in this restroom. He somehow increases his air time by shuffling his legs underneath him. Once he gets into a favorable position, he somersaults into a foot dive.

Spike flaps his wings once, pulling him backwards. This leads Luigi to stomp on nothing but tile floor. Luigi tries this maneuver a few more times. Spike continues to narrowly avoid the kick by flying out of the way. Each time, the combatants fly further out of the bathroom until they're in the crystal castle's halls.

The man in green looks around the surroundings in awe, before returning his attention to jumping on the foe. This time, Spike's wings don't respond. Instead, the young dragon turns around and holds up his tail at an angle. When Luigi's foot makes contact with the tail, there is a "twang" sound effect.

In pain, Luigi hops back while grabbing his briefly pierced foot with both of his hands. The boot appears to pulsate in a red glowing beat. Luigi nearly tears up at the pain. Spike takes advantage of this opening by rushing in and scratching with his claws a couple times. The bleeding pain compounds with the foot pain as Luigi falls onto his rear.

Spike inhales before expelling a green ball of fire. The dragon gasps in shock when the plumber also somehow generates fire of the same color with nothing but a gloved palm. The fires of similar color collide in midair before fizzling out. Determined, Spike takes a deep breath. Meanwhile, something akin to an electric field surrounds Luigi while his eyes are closed and he stands back up.

After waiting a second, Spike breathes out a much larger fire breath attack. At the same time, Luigi points one finger up while his other hand points in front of himself. The plumber unleashes a blast of lightning. These elemental attacks collide and push against each other. Green flames start turning red and look like they're swallowing the blue lightning.

Visual edits make it look like a spark of instinct briefly flashes above and below Luigi's person. Next thing the camera catches is him charging through the air, headfirst. His own lightning surrounds him as he jumps through the fire. The man collides with Spike, causing the dragon to crash his back against the wall. Luigi rushes forth and crouches down. He follows up with an uppercut that sends his opponent straight through the ceiling, leaving himself to land upside-down with his hat on the floor.

Above the castle, Spike halts his sudden launch by steadily flapping his wings. "Whoa!"

Back inside, Luigi does a couple arc "planking" motions on the floor. Spike dives down before pointing his tail like a hornet. Before Luigi realizes it, Spike is imitating a jackhammer along the plumber's spine. After hollering in pain for a few seconds, Luigi digs through his pockets and pulls out a reflective orb with a vaguely "4"-shaped symbol. He crushes the orb in his fist.

A large sphere surrounds the immediate vicinity of the two combatants. Everything inside turns photo-negative while a "high" tune plays in the background. Luigi does a slow dance on his toes while a flower pops into existence on top of Spike's head. The dragon slips on absolutely nothing before he starts flying upside-down. Luigi uses this time to get in a few jumping punches.

While Spike is still woozy from the Negative Zone, Luigi pulls out an entire vacuum cleaner from his inventory. Don't ask me where he keeps it. He turns on the Poltergust and pulls in his enemy closer. The zone's sphere is shrinking with its time being almost up. As the color around them returns to normal, Spike shakes his head before seeing his enemy trying to suck him up. He breathes out a ball of fire that flies into the Poltergust's tube.

The entire gadget glows red. Luigi yelps at the sudden burning sensation in his hands and on his back. Hastily, he unstraps himself and tosses the vacuum cleaner off. Several parts of the device melt on the spot. Spike manages to get a foothold on the floor and glares at his foe.

Luigi shuffles through his overalls one more time. He pulls out a giant, black hammer and runs while holding it over his head. Spike tries another giant breath of green fire. Even as Luigi screams at the scorching pain, he continues his downward swing of the hammer. It collides with the dragon's face.

An X-Ray visual picture shows Spike's skull caving in as well as a fang falling out.

Back in normal vision, the crushed dragon's body falls onto his belly. Blood pools along one side. Meanwhile, the plumber breathes heavily before taking a seat in exhaustion. His skin is covered in scratches and much of his clothing is charred black.

He mutters, "Luigi, Number 1," before closing his eyes.

K.O.!

~~~Death Battle~~~

I see Luigi's D&D class is the Brawler.

This was a tough call. Both Luigi and Spike have been known to be afraid of many things and are younger than their more prominent family members. Both of them have taken action in spite of their fears, and each is tougher than their demeanor initially reveals.

But even though both are great moral support, Luigi brings just a little bit more in the way of physical ability.

While Spike often has to run to keep up with Twilight's galloping speed, Luigi can run as quickly and often surpass the running speed of Mario. Spike can fly, but Luigi can jump fairly high and briefly maintain his height with the Scuddle Jump. Therefore, the aerial advantage wouldn't last throughout the fight.

Technically, Spike's jaw is comparable to Luigi's fists in terms of what kinds of rocks they can break. Unfortunately, the little guy's claws and feet can't say the same.

Additionally, Luigi has had to face a number of enemies and conquer them while Spike typically has an option to run away from most of his troubles. Although Spike's fire breath is very impressive in melting an entire cloud made of ice and saved a stadium full of ponies, his options for combat were fairly limited. On the other hand, Luigi had several tools that were unusual and made his tactics unpredictable and more difficult for Spike to counter. Ultimately, Luigi had a slight edge in terms of speed, strength, and versatility.

In the end, Spike had to face defeat.

The winner is Luigi.

~~~Death Battle~~~

---

Author's Note:

Reminder: Verdicts do not necessarily coincide with my personal preferences. Often, I've watched as some of my favorite characters face the simulated death sentences (Twilight Sparkle's loss to Robin, White Snow's loss to Weiss Schnee, etc.). Other times, I've twitched in agitation at watching some characters I don't particularly care for triumph (See the times I've declared Discord as the winner for examples).

Bottom line: I try to focus on capabilities and equipment rather than who I like more or who other people like more.

Comments

[Dirty Bit]

It only makes sense that Luigi would come out on top. And I don't just say that as a Luigi main.