The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza

Chapter 23: Rejected Ideas or Questionable Thoughts (You can probably skip this. I change my mind often.)

A/N: This is another non-standard episode of a chapter. It's an assortment of random ideas for a Death Battle that I just thought to myself, "This will never work," or "I'd be insane if I wrote that," or "What was I thinking?"
So, in no particular order, here's my "Scenarios that might have happened, but won't."
Properties all belong to their respective owners including but not limited to Screw Attack and Hasbro.
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The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (Intermission 2)

---Death Battle---

No particular order #1:
Musical duel.

Octavia and Vinyl Scratch AKA DJ P0N-3 team up to take on the various musical talents of old and new. Mozart, Beethoven, the Beatles, Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson, Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Rebecca Black, and many others' musical numbers fail in comparison to the combined might of cello and record scratching.

There's not enough canonical appearances and songs by those two ponies to justify that. As I've said before, I will NOT use fanon powers if I can help it.

No particular order #2:
Derpy Hooves vs. anyone

Okay, so the wonderful wall-eyed Pegasus pony can deliver packages, speak with two different octaves, create lightning, and reduce wooden buildings to rubble with just her butt.
...
That's not exactly enough "researched" information that B and W could chew on.

I run into a similar problem as with the previous idea. Most of the information I've ever heard about Derpy (or Ditsy if you prefer) has been through fanon sources or someone else's headcanon. I will not force the acceptance of fan fictional powers, because then I have to go make the exception and allow OC characters in and make each and every one of them more powerful than is sensible within the limitations that a controlled encounter could possibly have between them.

The only reason Pinkie Pie can have unspoken powers is because she's Pinkie Pie. I can't control her.

Edit: Never mind. I've figured out what I'm going to do with Derpy. Just sit tight.

No particular order #3:
Princess Luna vs. Majora's Mask

"The Princess of the Night hurls the heart-shaped mask at the moon and then uses her unique magic to spin the moon through all of its phases in one night. This rotation sends Majora's Mask out into space, never to be seen again."

*Sigh*. I don't know. This fight itself has potential... I guess. But honestly, I couldn't possibly make Luna that overpowered, otherwise it doesn't really fit her profile. Something about it just irks me the wrong way.

No particular order #4:
Discord vs...

...no. Just no. Never again. Next!

No particular order #5:
Power Rangers

Here's where things get a bit "I'm not sure why, it just is". The Power Rangers have some pretty neat... well... powers and their megazords are all pretty awesome too. Realistically, they have been defeated before by very real threats. Unfortunately, I can't really think of a mechanical equivalent in the magical land of Equestria besides Sweetie Bot. And we all know the Friendship is Witchcraft is non-canon. As I've said before, I'm sticking to canon as closely as possible.

No particular order #6:
Q&A Episodes

The thing is, Q & A episodes on the actual Death Battle require the straight answers from B and W themselves. I don't know how they'd answer certain questions if they've never answered them on an actual Q & A episode. I can only pretend to exemplify their personalities. I can't read their minds. So that's out.

No particular order #7:
Fan Character vs. OC

I think I've explained this idea enough times. For those that were thinking TL;DR, here's the fast version.
Canon, yes. Fanon, no.
Next.

No particular order #8:
Twilight Sparkle vs. Timmy Turner

While it would be hilarious to face off Tara Strong voiced characters, here's the problem. Where does Timmy's power usually come from?
"Cosmo! Wanda! I wish..."
One-on-one means one-on-one. I can't make it a two-magic-fairies-and-human-on-one. That just wouldn't be right. Battle royales are reserved for teams that are all on opposite sides. I'm not splitting either of Timmy's fairies from him and having them join the pony side. That would defeat the purpose of the battle to begin with.

No particular order #9:
Carrot Top, Berry Punch, Colgate, Lyra, Bon bon, Raindrops, Moon Dancer, Thunder Lane, Cloud Kicker, Doctor Whooves, etc.

There isn't enough canonical information about these background ponies to really "explain" them in a Death Battle setting. Fanon information is neat but useless here.

No particular order #10:
What about your Trixie chapter?

*Sigh*. I'd rather we didn't talk about that. I learned the mistake about including powers that weren't mentioned or shown in the character's medium and the consequences it can have on viewers that want an experience that makes sense for the settings that they are in. No more fan-specific abilities, powers, ponies, or what have you. I'm done with that.

No particular order #11:
Chell

That would be interesting if pulled off correctly. Sadly, I don't think I have the imagination possible to really describe the destruction one could cause with nothing but a portal gun and a multitude of surfaces that aren't compatible with portals.

No particular order #12:
Gordan Freeman, Barney Calhoun, Adrian Shephard

For the time being, I'd like to steer clear from one-sided "guns win" fights. Maybe later when more chuckles can be shared at this random violence I'll add them in. For now, anything with them is cancelled until further notice.

No particular order #13:
April Fool's Jokes

One, it's too late in the year. Two, unlike many people, I don't like it when someone purposefully gets my hopes up or tossed around over some random joke they thought was funny at the expense of others' confidence or self-esteem. Since that's the case, it's only fair that I avoid taking part in related, reciprocal behaviors. I solemnly swear to never make April Fool's jokes in this particular work.
And just to seal the deal, I'll double up on promises. Cross my heart and hope to die.
Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my- AUGH! MY EYE!
...
You get what I'm saying though.

No particular order #14:
Enemies from games that just don't have enough information on them

In order for battles to be properly described, I need to be able to easily retrieve various facts and figures about the person/creature/thing. I don't want a repeat of the short Giygas chapter just because I couldn't find anything that could tell me what his attacks look like and what they actually do. The reason the real W and B reject so many Death Battle ideas is because there's not enough information that relates to the character. (See their second Q & A and W asks, "Who's Captain Kirk?")

No particular order #15:
Members of the 'cast' of Death Battle or TMNPWWF

The director, narrator, and cameraman are essentially fan characters. I don't use fan characters. I also will not pit W or B for obvious reasons. (F and N will occasionally be used for various outtakes episodes but not for "official" battles.)

No particular order #16:
'Fixing' the earlier chapters

I've thought about it, changing the "FIGHT" text to be red and inserting "---Death Battle---" instead of long sentences describing scene changes. But really, that was kind of the fun of doing the first chapter: not really knowing for sure what I was doing and still kind of new to FiMfiction's features. I think it has a bit of novelty attached to it and I'd like to leave it as is.

No particular order #17:
Baby fights

As hard to believe as it sounds, I'm not a huge fan of violence. (What? Are you for real?) Yeah. With toddler violence, I'm even less enthusiastic. To make them fight each other just doesn't settle right for me. It's one of those "I don't know why, it just is." So, sorry but no baby Cakes. I don't want them to die or inadvertently cause a death. It leaves a stain on my guilty conscious. (That didn't stop you from killing a baby dragon.) Oh, come on. I gave him a respectful moment of silence. What more do you want? I'm not putting him into another Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

A wanderer of time...

A pony that never was...

Which neutral ground will win?

Only one way to find out.

Stay tuned.

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A/N: Sorry if this wasn't exactly a humorous chapter. I just had steam to blow and frankly, I feel that writing/typing is the best way to express my feelings.
Next chapter, we'll return to your regularly programmed "this pony/enemy beats that enemy/pony's behind". Thank you for your patience.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. Enjoy your day/night.

Comments

[leaderofstars]

dammit.
i thought you were going to explain the lack of baby fights.

[supbrony101]

Alucard from Hellsing vs. anypony or everypony.

[TundraStanza]

568065
I edited an explanation in as #17.

[leaderofstars]

570377
could of ended with all the combatants sleeping next to each other in pure d'aw form.

[kurapica]

but i had an amazing opponent for discord

[TundraStanza]

3227661, Great. Feel free to write that battle out yourself.

[master kebene]

Can you do one With master chief?

[TundraStanza]

3265060, Do you have an opponent in mind for him?

[master kebene]

no sry