The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza

Shield & Sword

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I don't know how well I can pull this off, but I'll give it a shot anyway.
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Konami, and Kojima Productions.
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The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 2

A true warrior makes good use of his hands. You use both for your weapon. Impressive.

If there's one thing that the video game universe tries to prove, it's that swords are just as deadly and impressive as the typical gun.

And if there's anything that cartoons try to teach us, it's that shields are still a relevant defense in the modern era.

Is the best defense a good offense?

Or is the best offense a good defense?

The most over-the-top sword will be carried by Raiden from Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance.

Defending the title of best shield will be Shining Armor from Equestria.

He's B and I'm W, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Raiden
-AKA Jack the Ripper, White Devil, Snake, Mr. Lightning Bolt
-Calm under pressure, adaptive, and somewhat critical
-Superhuman strength, speed, and endurance
-A cyborg made of steel and artificial muscle fibers
-Optical implants to display things in a HUD
-Weapon: High-frequency blade
-Believes that he is only useful in the battlefield; believes he has no free will

"One sword keeps another in the sheathe."

Jack is a Liberian-American, formerly a soldier in the special forces. He is the adopted son of Solidus and currently operates as a mercenary.

He reminds me of John-117 "Master Chief" because of his harsh puberty in being transferred to FOXHOUND and everything that happened to him after that. Even as a child soldier, Jack started racking up the kills and slicing up throats. This, among other things, earned him the cute nickname "Jack the Ripper".

During the Big Shell Incident, Jack was briefly given the codename "Snake" before the Colonel chose to refer to him as Raiden to avoid confusion with the terrorist leader who was also using the name "Solid Snake" at the time.

~'Cause I'm Solid Snake. Yes, I'm the real Solid. Now would you do me a solid and let the real Solid Snake please sneak up. Please sneak up, hiding in a cardboard box.~

*ahem* Late in the Big Shell Incident, Jack had to utilize a High-Frequency (HF) Blade. Doing so piqued his interest in the Japanese art of swordsmanship and honor.

Just think how much more awesome that katana could be if it was made of light saber. Oh ho ho, man. The things I would do with that vibrating toy.

But while working with the Paradise Lost Army, Jack was captured and forced to undergo several cybernetic experiments. The PLA eventually rescued him and Dr. Drago Madnar was able to perform the surgery necessary to remove the nanomachines from his body. However, the implanted enhancements were too deeply embedded to safely remove. Unable to resume normal life, Raiden vanished from the life of his fiancee Rose.

Yeah, there are just some things that don't feel the same when you do it with a machine.

Despite his heavy backstory, Raiden is usually calm under pressure and can adapt quickly to new situations. Though, there are times where he can be overly critical regarding himself and others.

His weapon of choice is the HF Blade which can break down molecular bonds. In his hands, this sword can cut through just about anything, though it can't immediately sever nerve endings that are purely electrical like Monsoon's.

Thanks to his studying of the samurai, Raiden has mastered this sword to its fullest potential. With the right pressure points, he can finish off the toughest of obstacles in twenty quick strikes.

If plain old slashing and stabbing don't work, he can catch his enemy off guard by stabbing right through himself to perform a fake-out suicide and take them with him. His steel and artificial muscle fibers prevent instant death from even the sword.

He occasionally carries EMP grenades, but usually prefers to rely on his sword to get the job done. He is strong enough to lift several tons, and much faster and more endurant than any normal human being.

But man, oh man. This guy can get messed up in the head really easily. His left arm was directly connected to this cyborg's cranial nerves and caused him to have intense flashback moments when it was removed. Not to mention, his eyes glow red when his optical implants sense his deadly maneuvers or insane laughter.

... You want those red optical implants, don't you?

Well, duh.

"I think it's time for Jack... to let 'er rip!"

---Death Battle---

Shining Armor
-Known to Twilight as her BBBFF
-Captain of the Royal Guard; Prince of the Crystal Empire
-Unicorn with extremely high level defensive spells
-Can maintain a barrier spell the size of Canterlot
-Also has levitation and magic beam options
-Often needs saving by Cadance and/or Twilight
-Suffered casualties against three of Equestria's supervillains (Chrysalis' brainwashing, Sombra's horn-blocking rocks, and Tirek's magic-stealing power)

"The burden of keeping Canterlot safe and secure rests squarely on my shoulders."

Shining Armor is a unicorn who was born and raised in Canterlot. He trained in and eventually rose to the rank of Captain of the Royal Guard.

You know, for somebody who is supposed to be a best friend to his only sister, she sure didn't talk about him a whole lot for the first half of the year she spent away from home.

By way of marriage to Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and later a discovery of a lost civilization, Shining Armor now presides as Prince of the Crystal Empire.

Never once, in all of his royal duties, has he ever lost his surfer dude accent.

Through his life and his training, Shining Armor has mastered high levels of defensive spells. His largest magical force field is enough to circle around the entire city of Canterlot and can hold back several invading enemies at once. While his offensive options are a bit lackluster, he can still fire beams of magic and levitate objects as well as any other unicorn can.

His power isn't just in that forehead boner. He's got enough back strength to lift and toss his own wife like a javelin. You've got to have something under that skin if you're going to throw someone that's about equal to your own weight.

Shining Armor has a rather lousy win-loss ratio. Three out of five major villains have been able to put him out of commission in some way, leaving someone else to pick up the slack.

To be fair, though, these were the kind of enemies that required Deus Ex levels of solutions in order to ultimately vanquish. How many succubi, shade-demon ponies, and giant *eff*ing centaurs have you killed without an *ss load of luck and convenience on your side? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Are you implying that you could take them on?

Don't be stupid, W. I know my limit, and it's one blood-sucking ex-wife with a shotgun tied behind my back.

Fair enough.

"Come on, gang! Are we gonna gallop, or are we gonna trot!?"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

The newly built, life-sized model of Counterfeitlot acts as the source of action today. At about the city's center stands one proud, armored stallion. An aura of pink is released skyward from his horn. After a few seconds, the stream spreads out to cover every inch of the city. It shimmers a bit before settling as one giant force field.

A helicopter beats the outside air into submission as it flies toward the scene. As it comes within twenty feet of the edge of the force field, a blurred something jumps out of the whirlybird's side. It's difficult to tell from this angle, but it kind of looks like a man wearing thin, black armor. Little does the audience know that this is really his cybernetic body and joints.

...

Oops, I wasn't supposed to say that.

The cyborg taps lightly on one side of his head. A small holographic screen illuminates in front of his face, revealing an elderly man of sorts with glasses.

"I see the target, Doktor," mutters the first man, "but does it really pose a threat?"

"Oh, yes," insists Wilhelm Voigt on the other end, "It's a hazard code white. Your mission is to eliminate the target."

"Fine," says the cyborg while shutting off his HUD screen. "I wanted to kill something anyway."

Back at the base, Doktor smiles lightly at the hung up screen. His eyes illuminate in a sickly green. A nearby shadowy figure laughs like an autotuned Trixie.

"Yes, Shining Armor," the figure coos, "Let's see how well your ridiculous sentiment works against this."

"FIGHT!"

Swiftly, Raiden pulls out his sword. He stands poised at ground level... well, the ground of the cliff on the mountainside. Anyway, three straight lines shine brightly, indicating his quick swings. He holds that finishing pose for a second. One crack along the force field multiplies into three, nine, and finally twenty-seven. A crashing noise gives way to a gaping hole in the shield. Raiden rushes in.

Shining Armor gasps as his opponent stands at the other end of the road. Jack lets out a quick chuckle before tossing in what looks like a small fragment. Shining Armor gallops in one direction as the object bursts with a loud bang. The cyborg gives chase after the pony.

A few auras of pink send various objects flying behind Shining. But Raiden's eyes key in, giving the illusion of time slowing down. Two significant points let the sword slice a barrel to ribbons. One more point pierces a box into smithereens. Without even blinking, Raiden slashes through the next object in seven key areas. The results are the scattered remains of a vegetable cart.

"My cab-!" a nearby pony yells before taking a good look at the nearby cyborg. He then proceeds to toss the one leafy green in his possession. "Oh, forget it."

Just for fun, Raiden slices that cabbage neatly into halves before continuing his afternoon jog. Meanwhile, Shining Armor is breathing heavily at the side of another road.

"So, you done running yet?" calls Raiden.

Even though he pants, Shining Armor doesn't lose the determination in his eyes.

Raiden resumes his smirk as a metal mask slides over his eyes. "Don't worry. This won't hurt... much."

As the cyborg quickly runs forward with his sword at the ready, the unicorn concentrates a lot of magic at a single point. It is then released as a relatively small pink shield around himself. Within about a foot's reach, Raiden's quick actions go to work. He audibly grunts with every rapid swing from his sword against that shield. A loud clang can be heard with each collision. Shining Armor grunts, holding onto his concentration for life.

The screen goes dark upon the sound of something shattering.

A lot of swirling air can be heard as a sword's tip is driven into the ground a few feet away. Raiden grunts questioningly as he switches up his attack. He frees up his fists as something crackles through his artificial muscle fibers. He starts punching the shield at a rate that would make Neo from the Matrix jealous. Shining Armor crouches a little, but his shield holds fast.

The screen blacks out again when something snaps.

Cybernetic arms fling out away from the combatants. Raiden suddenly opens his mouth and starts saying some incoherent nonsense as he falls to his knees. Shining Armor releases his shield and focuses a different spell. This one shoots out in a thin stream and right through the uncovered parts of Raiden's face.

The cyborg is flung across the street onto his back. He screams no more.

Jack... Jack? Jack!

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Dang, did you see how many pieces he cut all of that debris into?

Raiden's strength alone is intense. After making a few readjustments for error, we've determined that the average swing from his sword can have a force of impact of 17 million newtons. This one strike would be strong enough to break the 16 million newton limit that 1000 changelings took four minutes to break.

Hey, Chryssy? How 'bout you try cyborgs next time?

However, this only accounts for Shining Armor's city-wide shield that covered all of Canterlot. If he were to make a shield much smaller, say just around himself, he could concentrate a much larger portion of his magic and therefore make it denser. A shield big enough to contain him would withstand a force of 6.2 billion newtons. Even Raiden's maximum power strike of 57 million newtons wouldn't be enough to break such a highly concentrated defense.

Even if he did use that much force, his sword and arm would break long before the shield would.

As we've said before, losing his arms has a severe flashback effect on Raiden's mental state which left him wide open. That's not even accounting that Raiden's other options were unsuitable for this fight since EMP grenades were designed to take out electronic equipment, not living ponies.

Looks like Mr. Lightning Bolt just struck out.

The winner is Shining Armor.

Author's Note:

Good gosh. Arrell makes real math look so easy. I give props to the guy for having the patience to pour hours into his research that he's done so far.

Unrelated note: I was actually kind of rooting for Raiden in this fight. But just because I want someone to win doesn't always mean that they will.

Comments

[Dirty Bit]

"My cab-!" a nearby pony yells before taking a good look at the nearby cyborg. He then proceeds to toss the one leafy green in his possession. "Oh, forget it."

[ShadowLDrago]

All right Shining" My guess, the Doktor was Chrysalis impersonating the Dok.

[SudokuBrony]

"Oh, yes," insists Wilhelm Voigt on the other end