The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza

Ch. 106: Moon Knight

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Five Lightning Round

Here, all the fights are settled without slogging through the boring analysis.

Ten fighters

All action

No research

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... GO!

(Mare vs. No Mare Plus a K)

---Nightmare Moon vs. Moon Knight---

Lightning flashes across a dark castle setting. However, this bad weather does not deter the incoming helicopter. It also fails to deter its lone passenger who is currently hanging from the drop ladder. The white hood makes it difficult to determine the figure's identity. Whoever it is, they hop down and observe the castle at face value.

They step lively up to the front of the castle and open the door. Some white eyes glow in the darkness. An outline of something equine with wings can be seen. She chuckles as the lightning flashes. The white hooded figure also chuckles with the voice of a guy.

This oughta be a night to remember.

Begin!

Moon Knight pulls out a pair of bolas. He twirls the chords around before shooting them forth. The bolas whip around, snagging all four of the dark pony's hooves together. The heavy balls even cling upon completing their task.

"Oh?" asks Nightmare Moon mockingly. She phases into a gaseous state of matter. She freely flows out, leaving her would-be bindings to fall to the floor.

The man pulls something else out and tosses it. As Nightmare Moon resumes her solid form in the air, that little object Moon Knight tossed explodes on contact. She flinches just long enough for Knight to run forth and dropkick her. He then follows up with a round of quick jabs and an elbow slam. The pony crashes into the floor.

Nightmare, however, is not finished yet. She quickly stands back up. Her mane swirls as lightning from above flashes. Since Knight is currently the highest object in the room, he gets the worst of the jolt. She follows this lightning strike with a blue burst from her horn. Knight goes for a one-way trip to the far wall.

He isn't done yet, either. With a flick of his wrist, Moon Knight pulls out a grappling hook that digs into Nightmare Moon's chest. She lets out a yelp, before the resulting reaction forces pull the two combatants toward each other. He throws in a couple more powerful kicks to his move. He hooks a small device against her chest plate before backflipping himself away.

There is a loud explosion that blows out a few of the windows. As the smoke clears, Moon Knight turns and walks toward the exit. But a streaming, purple cloud flows out from the rubble. It whips out and grabs the man. He lets out a short, deep scream as the cloud sinks under his white costume straight through his skin.

Where his eyes should be, two slit orbs shine. Over the chuckling of a mad woman, he begins to throw punches against... himself! He then pulls out several grenades and pulls the pins on all of them. That is before he drops them all at his feet. The purple cloud from before seeps out and whisks away. His real eyes widen upon waking up.

Whatever he says is overtaken by the giant blast. The resulting explosion displaces the earlier rubble. A bruised Princess Luna stands up panting. The purple cloud races toward her. Her eyes widen. She yells, just as the dark entity surrounds her and reclaims its original host.

After a few seconds, Nightmare Moon stands again and cackles to the high heavens.

Finish!

This round's winner is... Nightmare Moon!

(The Dragons)

---Adult Green Dragon vs. Charizard---

The relatively small dragon flies through the sky. Its flame burns brightly on its tail. It decides to take refuge in a large cave opening. It flies in for a landing before lumbering forth on its large feet.

"What are you doing in my cave?" asks a deep voice.

Holding its tail to the side for better lighting, the small orange dragon sees a much larger-scaled dragon. However, it is not deterred by the intimidating voice. In fact, it roars in defiance, practically demanding a fight with this stronger foe. But, there's a slight... problem in communication.

"I'm sorry. Could you repeat that?" requests the green dragon.

The smaller dragon repeats its defiant roar.

"I don't understand. What do you mean 'Zard Char'?" He shakes his head. "Wait, what am I doing?" He slams his tail against the cave floor, causing the whole place to shake. "This is my cave, and you will leave."

Still, the smaller dragon refuses to leave. It roars a slightly different pitch.

"Fine, go ahead and speak that gibberish," says the big dragon uncaringly. "I'll crush you for not taking my warning seriously."

Hearts are burning bright.

Kill each other!

Huge spikes grow out of the green dragon's tail as he whips it around. The smaller and quicker Charizard flies around and easily dodges the swinging tail. Charizard uses Flamethrower. The green dragon manages to ward it off with his own flame breath.

Retractable claws shoot out of the green dragon's fingers. He attempts to slash the small enemy. The little guy isn't so quick to oblige. Charizard surrounds his own claws with a mysterious aura, and slashes back with Shadow Claw. The green dragon growls at the minor discomfort in his claws and wrists.

Charizard directs his Flamethrower at a section of the big guy's neck. The scales almost look like they're melting as the green dragon roars at the much larger discomfort. In his pained rage, he swings his claws and his tail at the area, only to swat his new burn and make it hurt even more.

Charizard flies in and uses Flame Burst on the green dragon's tail. The feral spikes sort of melt and shatter. With the threat of impalement reduced, the Pokemon grabs a hold of his opponent's tail. Surprising both the big dragon and some of the audience members, Charizard lifts him up entirely and swings him around and around. With one more loop around, Charizard releases the opponent for a Seismic Toss.

The green dragon takes critical damage upon landing. His dead eyes are locked in a single direction. Charizard roars and releases a flash of fire upward.

K.O.!

This round's winner is... Charizard!

(Flight of the Cowards)

---Fluttershy vs. Luigi---

Fluttershy sings as she tends to the needs of her animals. Suddenly, a large, green pipe appears in her path. Out pops a tall, skinny man with overalls. She let's out an yelp at the sight.

Mama Mia. Mama Mia.

Let's-a go!

Luigi shuffles around his pockets a bit. He pulls out a mug and a giant coffee pot. He pours some of the steaming, dark liquid into the cup. He holds it out with a questioning hum.

"Oh... um... thank you," mutters Fluttershy, accepting the offered beverage.

Luigi pulls out another mug from the confines of his pockets, to pour some coffee for himself. Then, he stuffs the coffee pot back into whatever black hole dimension his pockets seem to lead to. He then sits down with his legs facing to the side. He gently blows across the top of his mug before taking a sip. He sighs contently.

Um... toasty?

This round is a "friendship"... apparently. Let's move on, shall we?

(Best Offense is a Good Defense)

---Shining Armor vs. Captain America---

"Where am I now?" wonders the white unicorn.

Loud footsteps approach and reveal the red, white, and blue costumed man. "Let's settle this!"

"Not this again..." mutters the stallion.

May the best Captain win!

Engage!

Captain America hurls his shield forth. Shining Armor puts up his own magic shield. The Vibranium shield bounces off, but the Cap is quick to run over and jump to catch it. Shining tries to blast his airborne opponent with a beam of magic, but it bounces off the shield to who knows where. (Well, actually, the reflected beam somehow catches Discord's neck on fire. But, that's not important right now.)

The prince pulls out a spear from his side just as the Cap comes down for a landing. Using his levitation spell, he spins the spear around and tries to stab the enemy at various places. However, the Cap sees fast enough to move his shield to intercept each and every attack.

Captain America proceeds to get in close and deliver some forceful finger jabs. Shining Armor groans with each of these concentrated points of pain. The Cap throws in a swift bashing from his shield. The impact sends the stallion flying.

"Hyper!" shouts the Cap as he throws his shield again.

With a strain through his horn, Shining Armor grunts as he concentrates a large amount of levitation into his incoming target. The spell is enough to derail it from a decapitating path. Shining lands and slides backwards. The Cap runs forward with his eyes on his shield. However, the prince has a slightly different target in his sights as he magically grips his spear once more.

One second, Captain America has his arms reaching out for his falling shield. The next, he has a new piercing job through front and back of his head. He collapses on his side. The shield spins around on the stone wall like a coin on a table.

"Why do I keep getting pitted against these people?" wonders Shining Armor.

Match over!

This round's winner is... Shining Armor!

(Punch First, Ask Questions Later)

---Rainbow Dash vs. Raphael---

We pan over the Z's of a sleeping pony. The aptly named pegasus snores as her cloud slowly floats across a city environment. Meanwhile on the ground, the view zooms in on a manhole cover. A green limb bashes it upwards.

The metal disc flies up and smacks the cloud and its passenger. The impact startles her awake. She shakes around wildly, trying to gauge her surroundings. She then looks down with a rather frustrated expression. Back on the ground, a turtle with a red eye mask pops out and lands on his feet.

"Stupid Mikey," he mutters as he taps his foot. "I bet he got dropped on his head a lot before the ooze got to him."

"Hey!" calls the pegasus as she flies down low. "What's the big idea, you overgrown tortoise?"

"The shell is your problem?" spits the turtle as he pulls out two sai. "You want to start something?"

"Are you playing dumb?" asks the pony, "Or is that just how you always are?"

"Okay, that's it! I'm going to tan your hide, you flying blue horse!"

Triumph or die!

Fight!

Raphael jumps up. He performs a front flip right into a full jab. He sends his opponent right into the street. After coming down for a smooth land, he proceeds to jab his daggers into the pony. Naturally, she flinches at the stab wounds.

Rainbow Dash doesn't take to this standing down. She bucks a bit before throwing an uppercut to his chin. Then, she quickly flies around in circles, pulling together the winds necessary for a tornado. The ninja turtle hollers as he gets pulled into the funnel and spun around.

Eventually, he gets flung away completely. But, his quick feet land flat against a nearby building's wall before he springs off. He flips through the air a couple of times before colliding with the pegasus. She zips around for several collisions while zooming by him. He tries reaching out his sai against some of her later passes, but his attempts aren't connecting.

Her last pass collides with Raph's abdomen. He coughs up some spit upon the impact. Rainbow flies him off screen for a the blue exploding light of the Buccaneer Blaze. She flies back on screen, picks up the manhole cover, and spins it on top of her hoof.

"Who wants turtle soup?" she asks with a smirk.

Dominated!

This round's winner is... Rainbow Dash!

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Author's Note:

Warning: Do not bring impressionable children into the same room in which you may be reading this. Viewer discretion is advised.

Comments

[Dirty Bit]

Definitely loving the 'battle' between Fluttershy and Luigi

[The Sorcerer Supreme]

I'm happy you did this. I've been waiting to see this battle for awhile. Thanks