• Published 18th Apr 2012
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The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody) - TundraStanza



Think about it like Death Battle, only with less death and more hyperactive dialogue. It all started with a fateful encounter between Deadpool and Pinkie Pie. It turned into something bigger.

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Side Battle: Strangers, Curtains, and Courage

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

If you need a reminder of the rules set in place regarding side battles, click here.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Nintendo, and Io.
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The Moment No Pony was Waiting For
Season 2
(?)

You don’t even know how many hours of sleep I lost on the research of The Blue Stranger, The Red Curtain alone. I… *flop* zzzz…

The sword is a rather iconic weapon of the hero’s journey. Anyone can pick one up and swing it, but it takes years of practice and honing to master it.

F exhales some smoke.

It’s been used as both a savior of lands and a tool of revenge. Today marks the clash of those opposing ideals.

The legendary killer Aoi shall cross blades with Link, the hero of Hyrule.

I wonder which “lazy pony” came up with that idea?

He’s F and I’m N and it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Aoi
-Full name: Aoi Myoujin
-Anthro wolf (formerly human)
-Swordsman and swordsmith
-Wushu martial arts and movement anticipation
-Wields the katana “Kokuryū no saishū-bin” (Last Flight of the Black Dragon)
-Special attacks include Zantetsuken, Tsuibangeki, Kami no Mukui, Tengoku no Girochin, and Shinigami no Toiki
-Can survive a fall from the top of a 20-story building
-Can’t beat S.W.A.T.

I must say that The Blue Stranger, the Red Curtain has a way of confusing the reader something fierce. You’ve got a setting with at least three different characters. Somebody says something, but you can’t tell who is saying it because that quote is right next to a different character’s actions.

F, we’re not here to be story critics. We’re supposed to be explaining who this guy is and what he can bring to a fight.

Fine, whatever. Go ahead and do that, N.

Aoi Myoujin is a 24-year old former human. Even though he didn’t start a formal education until the age of 13, he did study various subjects prior to that. Due to his parents death at a young age, he took up residency at one of the Asura provincial shrines. He studied kendo under the master Ryo Misuru for three years and picked up several Wushu martial arts while studying abroad in China.

Some private agency from the U.S. hired him as a contract killer. But after taking vengeance on one particular criminal, he must have gotten attention in the wrong way because the SWAT was soon on top of his **s.

A mysterious stranger offered Aoi a chance at a new life. When he next awoke, he was in Equestria and had been transformed into an anthro wolf. The Chessverse had acquired a new piece.

This wolf’s skillset is crazy. Not only can he smith swords, but he can slice and dice opponents with next to no effort.

His weapon of choice is a katana called Kokuryū no saishū-bin, “The Last Flight of the Black Dragon”. It was forged from a combination of steel and one scale from the first dragon that Aoi ever slayed. This powerful blade complements his special attacks such as the chain-cutting Zantetsuken, the earth-shattering Tsuibangeki, the far-reaching Shinigami no Toiki, and the silent but deadly Muon-Gatana. That attack literally creates a vacuum behind its swing.

Did I mention this guy can survive a fall from the top of a 20-story building?!

He’s certainly impressive in the battlefield. He doesn’t let his colorblind, blue eye bother him. Despite his killing potential, he does have some morals such as allowing his allies deliver the judgment upon their enemies. Thus, he was able to gain the trust of Keith and Eol fairly easily.

Even though Equestrians don’t normally wear clothes, Aoi prefers to wear a traditional Japanese dobuku.

And according to Eol, Aoi may very well fit the description of the legendary white wolf that shall lead his people to freedom against the tyranny of the dragons.

Well, if nothing else, I’m sure that someone will interpret his crush on Rainbow Dash as a reason to write more clop.

You just had to ruin the momentum. Didn’t you?

“Watashi wa Aoi Myoujin gozen.”

---Death Battle---

Link
-Human with the appearance of an elven race
-Marked with the Triforce of Courage
-Wields the Master Sword
-Boomerang, bombs, hookshot, Hero’s bow and arrows: regular, light, ice, bomb
-Red ring: +75% defense; Golden gauntlets: can withstand 1000+ tons of pressure; iron boots: enable Link to hold his ground against a Goron; Pegasus Boots: increased speed and jumping height
-Hylian Shield is indestructible
-10 generations worth of battle experience
-Relies on inventory more often than actual strategy

Link is the legendary, multi-incarnate hero of the Hyrule Kingdom. He has battled the forces of evil for over ten generations.

Each boy in a green tunic is “Linked” to each other by the Spirit of the Hero. This grants him the strength and combat prowess of his previous generations. He is a master of all kinds of weapons and magic. Specifically, he wields the iconic Master Sword.

The Master Sword is a double-edged blade created by the goddess Hylia for the sole purpose of repelling evil. It can deflect light-based attacks and shoot beams of light energy when Link is at full strength.

I’m not sure why that beam attack disappears after he takes a hit, but it can still use the Skyward Strike when he needs it.

Additionally, the sword draws magical energy from three medallions. However, the Master Sword is only his first weapon.

Yeah, this guy’s unreal pockets hold a hookshot that can grab vine walls or bring loose objects to him. He also carries a crap-ton of bombs, the Gale Boomerang, the Hero’s Bow and another crap-ton of arrows of various types.

To defend himself, Link wears several different items. The Red Ring boosts his defense by seventy-five percent. The Hylian Shield is indestructible and can withstand any attack of any type. The Golden Gauntlets increase his endurance and lifting strength. He also carries three different types of boots.

I’ll never understand how this guy can take off and put on shoes so fast. His Hover Boots allow him to stand in midair. The Iron Boots weigh over 130 pounds. The Pegasus Boots increase his jumping and running speed to superhuman levels.

The goddesses have also granted help to Link in the form of the Triforce of Courage. It allows him to overcome impossible odds, solve temple-sized puzzles, increase his reaction time with Z-targeting, and the strength to throw a Goron with ease.

His puzzle-solving allows him to exploit enemy weaknesses even when there is only one such weakness.

Link heavily relies on his arsenal and rarely plans ahead before a fight.

But that’s hardly ever a problem. I mean look at this guy wielding a sword twice his weight against an enemy three times his size!

There is no doubt that Link is a hero of the ages.

The Hero of Time!

In lieu of a quote, a scene is shown of Link opening an item chest.

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

This episode was brought to you in part by Sparkle Cola. Giving us all radiation poisoning 0.1% at a time. But right now, it’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

---Death Battle---

The camera pans out to view a large, open forest. Both combatants unsheathe their blades and stand at the ready. A lens flare blinds the cameraman before the bold red letters appear.

FIGHT!

The blonde in green starts running forward. The white wolf does as well, though with quicker footfalls and a slightly faster pace. He suddenly stops in place and holds his blade out to the side.

Shinigami no Toiki

With a split-second sweep, the trunks of several trees around Aoi start to timber. Link’s Hylian Shield is being held in front of himself. That saved him from the wide radius decapitation.

Link uses the noise of the trees collapsing to hide his sidesteps. He rolls around behind and delivers an upper slash at the wolf. Cut, but not beaten, Aoi quickly retaliates with a flurry of sword stabs and slashes. Although Link is forced to step back, he manages to block the onslaught with a combination of his shield and the Master Sword.

Muon-Gatana

Aoi’s next strike with Kokuryū no saishū-bin is too quiet for the audience to hear. There is a small pocket of air forming around the blade that leaves the space behind it empty. The force of the strike forces Link back a few feet, shield still taking the brunt of the blow.

At this distance, Link pulls out the Hero’s Bow and starts firing a volley of arrows. The projectiles’ speed is slowed down cinematically to allow us to see how Aoi sees them. He dodges a couple arrows to the right and a couple more to the left. He reaches up his hand-paw and catches the fifth arrow launched. Mockingly, he throws it back to its sender.

Link’s shield deflects the arrow, but this gives time for Aoi to start hopping through tree branches. In an instant, Link is wearing the Pegasus Boots and starts matching his opponent’s quick pace. With Z-target aiming, he hurls his Gale Boomerang. It’s tornado-like force grabs a large, loose branch and heads straight for Aoi.

The white wolf notices this. In a surprise move, he presses a foot against the tree in front of him and launches himself facing the boomerang and its cargo.

Tengoku no Girochin

He spins in the air while reaching his katana outward. The spinning slash cuts right through the incoming attack. The tornado is reduced to a small gust. The boomerang is in two pieces. The wood it was carrying is in splinters.

Link makes a daring leap toward the airborn Aoi. His Master Sword is held straight in front of him. Aoi, however, makes a midair somersault. He aims Kokuryū straight below him and on top of Link.

Tsuibangeki

The warriors immediately descend vertically. Upon impact with the ground, much of the rocky floor is cracked and displaced.

“Augh!”

As the dust clears, we see that Link’s eyes are closed. A drip of blood runs over his bottom lip.

Aoi gets up, sheathes his katana, and starts to walk away. The camera starts to zoom out from Link. His sword his held off to the side. His shield is held with his other hand over himself.

His eyes snap open.

Slowly, he pushes himself back to his feet. Grunting, he pulls out his bow again and fires an arrow in the departing wolf’s direction.

Aoi doesn’t even flinch as he catches this arrow in his paw. Though, his red and blue eyes quickly open wide. A strange hissing noise is emitting from the arrow’s tip.

The explosion takes away his clenched paw and sends him hurtling head over heels.

Link fires one last arrow. This one creates a layer of ice that surrounds Aoi on contact. With the Pegasus Boots still equipped, the hero of Hyrule quickly runs over and makes a flying leap. He aims his sword tip down.

“Sayaa!”

The ice shatters away. The wolf coughs blood.

As Link pulls his sword out, Aoi manages to choke up one last statement.

“You just… gave me… the most difficult fight… I ever had… and I *cough* loved every second of it. Thank you.”

Link simply nods once in response. He swings his blade a couple times to shake the blood off. He then sheathes the Master Sword and turns to leave.

K.O.!

---Death Battle---

Quick, call P.E.T.A.! Wolf down! Wolf down!

There’s no denying that Aoi is a powerful and precise fighter. The slaying of dragons by himself is no small feat. However, Link has also defeated enemies of similar magnitude.

But… samurai sword… dragon’s aura… what?

Aoi has been training to fight for his entire life. There’s no doubt that Link would have difficulty. But since Aoi’s been training for his whole life, his strategy was straightforward and more predictable.

Link’s strategy, however, goes beyond simple swordplay and depends on digging into his deep pockets for his vast arsenal of unpredictable items. And even though Aoi doesn’t take fall damage, that little convenience doesn’t protect his body from stab wounds, bomb fire, and freezing.

Though Aoi has sword attacks that are impressive and destructive, the guys of the real Death Battle have proven that Link would be able to withstand similar power house attacks from the likes of Cloud.

Looks like the Red Curtain’s been pulled on this Blue Stranger.

The winner is Link.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle…

“If it’s that important to you, I’ll do it.”

“My heart is still pounding.”

---Death Battle---

Author's Note:

Oh man. Did I ever make a mistake putting myself into this corner or what? It was hard just to skim through the chapters, figuring out which tactics really fit a style that would be fair. Though, I have to say that Link's shield plus golden gauntlets are pretty difficult to overcome with flashy force alone.

For the potential hatred from the people that will say, "Why didn't you include such-and-such? With that, Aoi would have won!" allow me to retort.

I summon the Millenium Flame Shield in Defense Position!

If it makes you feel any better, my imaginary money is on Aoi winning Y and A's Death Battle Tournament.

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