• Member Since 4th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

TundraStanza


The Poetic Frost makes mistakes so that you don't have to. "Dance, Sode no Shirayuki!"

T

"I've seen enough isekai to know where this is going."

Okay, sure. It's another 'human gets thrown into Equestria as an existing character' story. Still, that doesn't mean 'Chrysalis' has any idea what to do. She doesn't remember everything from her past life, but she is pretty sure she was once a human from Earth.

She wakes up to see Starlight Glimmer, the one who lead the small team to destroy her throne, holding out a hoof. The unicorn is offering a chance for Chrysalis to lead the changelings properly. Logically, she should take that offer. The future of not accepting friendship yields an end written in stone.

But there's always a choice.
---
The idea of what would happen if Chrysalis hadn't been so gung-ho on revenge at the end of the Season 6 finale wouldn't leave me alone. In real life, I don't deal in what-ifs. In fiction, I'm a bit more open to the prospect.
Quick warning: There is an attempt at suicide and bodily harm in the first chapter. Just thought I'd point that out so you'd be prepared.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 54 )

will she become the ruler again after coming to terms with things and earning the respect of the hive back

An interesting story, I enjoyed this.

---(Third-Person POV)

Why is this done? I see it a lot, and it doesn’t make sense. If you are so insecure about your writing capabilities that you do not believe you can properly transition between points of view, remain in third person for the entire story. If you are switching from first to third you should not need to have text declaring that you are doing so. All it does is disrupt the flow of the story. A transition in sentence structure should be clear enough. You even make it clear that the narrator has lost the ability to continue her narration. Stop your nonsense.

why not keep pulling apart season 9?
make each one have something like this where they lose their motivation to do evil?

0

Cute and enjoyable.

10250193 No, I think that ship has sailed. Becoming an advisor to Thorax might be on the cards. After all s(he) does have useful knowledge.

10250338 While I agree that explicitly telling us about the change of viewpoint is un-necessary, you could have been nicer about it. This is a very well done story, and one poor stylistic choice shouldn't overshadow the things it did right.

Pleeaaase tell me you’ll continue this story in some shape or form :raritydespair: I am loving it and would like to see more interactions between Chrysalis and others characters (mostly Thorax and Ocellus).

Keep up the good work.

Enjoyed it quite allot, any chance on a sequel?

Hey. Just letting you know I liked this. The ending was a bit sappy but other than that I did enjoy my time reading this. So make another. If you have more ideas bouncing around in that head off yours just put that shit down and have fun

Will you be making a sequel? Maybe with chryssy going to ponyville with ocellus?

I thought the first chapter wasn't bad. Chrysalis is not really herself right now. One sentence in particular seemed odd to me though.

Water leaked from Starlight Glimmer's horn, and she whispered, "I'm sorry."

I have a feeling some words got accidentally deleted otherwise it would just seem comical. As for announcing the swapping of viewpoints I am not usually a fan but I have seen it in other stories that were pretty good otherwise. Then again I have also seen people unable to stomach having the viewpoint change without it/ever. I usually don't mind it changing myself though as long as it isn't swapped too much. But that may just be me.

The delivery is good, but I found this story unsatisfying. Sticking a human in here doesn't add anything, and makes the protagonist's choices seem odd. If you simply wanted to write a story about Chrysalis being stricken with guilt and making a different choice and thereby redeeming herself, you could have done that. Sticking the human in there doesn't help with that, and if you were to entirely remove the HiE element from this story...nothing would be lost.

At the same time, it would probably be better, because then we wouldn't be left with the perpetual question in our heads...why? Why is he doing any of this? If you were stuck in Chrysalis' body at that moment would you immediately try suiciding on her behalf? I don't think so. You eventually get around to atermpting to justify it by explaining that Chrysalis' memories are still in there with him...and possibly even Chrysalis herself, given the scene with the mirror. But once again, if Chryalis is in there...then why not just have this be a story about Chryalis? Having a human in there adds nothing except implausibility. Why would a human suddenly placed in her body do and say all the things you have him say and do?

Then...having the Maulwurf conveniently show up to give Chysalis the opportunity to once again "prove" that no really, she's good now...it's contrived and unnecessary. It almost comes across like you were in a hurry and just needed something to puncutate the ending. I understand that this is a Fix Fic, but as fix fics go, it leaves me feeling unsatisfied.

nice story but at this point you might as well just get rid of the human aspect and have a repentant chrysalis, he not really got personality, he not shocked he in her body, he not confused, he accepted her crimes as his own, he not interested in asking help to get his body back and go home

This is less an Isekai and more of an alternate universe story, so far.

The person who has bodyswapped into Chrysalis isn't acting in any way similarly to a person being supplanted into a new body; she's just being a slightly different Chrysalis.

If you woke up one morning as a cockroach, would you immediately turn to your cockroach wife, apologise for forgetting her anniversary and rip off one of your legs and give it to her? Or would you instead maybe wonder why you're suddenly a cockroach and what the hell's going on?

It was meh, characterisation was very out of place, suicidal person don't act like that. Overall it was just boring

I don’t really get the point of the human part of it but otherwise it was a good story that ended too soon.

Why couldn't this just be a repentant Chrysalis?

10251519
Not gonna lie, I kinda want to read the story about this person and their cockroach wife.

10251624
Indeed, her being a human is counterproductive, preventing any serious feel from this story.
Not only that, but her weird reactions makes it all the more dragged down.

Interesting story, not sure what the point of the human angle was.

10251817
media.discordapp.net/attachments/328977853075161089/714526239892963348/Papa_Roach.JPG?width=528&height=904

Not sure about writing a story, but since you asked about it, I've drawn a cover for this hypothetical cockroach guy idea.

The crown was part of... oh god now I'm thinking of someone ripping their own hair out... and the skin coming off with it. Well I'm gonna add this story to my favorites list and hopefully forget about her ripping the crown off. That's gotta hurt. Tho it's not the worst thing I have imagined nor seen. I think seeing my cats litter box is more than enough to trump imagination. As well as destroy my appetite.

Honestly.... I *really* wanna see more if thism.

It’s a crying shame this is only three chapters long. I would love more!

10251519
Well, I guess it depends on how chrysalis was replaced, was it a brain transplant? Were the neural connections rewritten or just new ones added? Nothing like this has ever occurred, so can we really say how someone should behave beyond speculation?

10252303
Yes, hypothetically someone could, in some fictional way, be body swapped with someone in such a way that they act exactly like that person only more penitent. However, that is such a slight and essentially pointless change more analogous to someone having a change of heart than having entirely changed brains.

As many people have already pointed out, the HiE part of this is just not needed. The results could be achieved more easily and with a more coherent main character if it was simply Chrysalis herself seeing the wrongness of her actions.

As it happens, the core premise of this story involves someone getting isekai-ed into the body of a character. That premise is functionally ignored by the story. This is not a good way to handle an idea.

There are ways you could maybe do this idea without taking out the human in equestria concept. Maybe making a very clear conflict between the emotional need to act one way and an intellectual wish to do another. Or maybe the swap causes drug-like symptoms that makes the character more prone to extreme self harm. But that would need to be something expressed in the story. It is not as written.

I do hope that the author does carry on writing and learn from this, though. More writing is more good.

That beginning was just fascinating. Imagine you've been isekai-ed into Equestria, and you are inside a person who did terrible things, and you've lost your memories and acquired hers, which makes you basically her...but you retained a personality that's different from hers, and you feel so bad about what you/her did, you immediately go on to kill yourself. That's so bizzare it's almost comical.

Comment posted by Nemezja deleted May 25th

PLEEEAAASE GIVE US MORE!!! :raritydespair:

Yeah I imagine most creatures in universe would find it hard to imagine a worse action as punishment.

Nice. Though I don’t think you did enough with the isekai angle to warrant it, it could just as easily be an epiphany of sorts because of her failure.

Please continue. No really, continue. You got a patron or PayPal I'll give you money just please continue.

This feels like the prologue of a much larger story. Still interesting enough for me to like.

This is... weird. They don’t behave like someone stuck into a different body. Where is the confusion? Shock? Or anything like that at the situation. I know that they have lost a lot of their memories, but they still need enough for it to be an Isekai, otherwise it’s just a bizarre AU.

I dunno, but I think that the insert having a bit of freak out as to what is going on and everyone assume Chrysalis had some sort of amnesia or hysterical episode would have made the start more interesting. You could even still have the story explore the feeling of inadequacy and dysphasia and not wanting to be the Queen anymore, or trying to learn how and people not really trusting her at the start at least. Just without the random suicide right at the start of the story.

Well, as a lot of people said, I don't really see the point of the usual "reincarnated into x", but I really dislike when the human take over, so it's a non issue. I think the story is a tad too fast on the first and last chapter, still it's nice, no unnecessary drama, a good evolution, it was an enjoyable read.
Bravo mister.

Mmm, this one was interesting, if a little short. I'm curious about what you have planned to change for season 9.

10250338
I agree with what you say except for how you come across as though the author kicked a puppy.

I think it would have been more extreme even if there not the queen but with no memory but a sense of an outsiders perspective and an idea for complex emotions of the darker nature original memory of what happened her experience and loss is not so easy to overcome and make there own so fast probably would trigger extreme emotions and reactions between the old mindset against the "normal" civilian mindset can give sane mind stress and extreme whiplash when they attempt to meld

I like it!

But I think the whole incarnation bit was kinda unnecessary?

:rainbowhuh:

There was definitely some pus running along the bottom of it.

Why would there be any pus? Does she have some kind of serious infection on her head?

There was a tearing noise. I felt like I was ripping out multiple hair follicles at once. Yet, I kept casting my spell. No matter how much it hurt, no matter how loudly I screamed, I kept casting. Then, with a loud shred and a splat, it was over.
I sat down, breathing heavily. My crown was laid unceremoniously on the floor. There was definitely some pus running along the bottom of it. I think I was sweating along the top of my mane. I didn't particularly care at that moment.

Flurry Heart tried to lighten the mood by babbling cute nothings. But, she could tell that her parents and the others weren't exactly relieved. Shining Armor patted his foal until she burped. Cadance took her back and rocked her around.

She is doing her best...

"Sure, I'll follow his rules." Pharynx spat. "But that doesn't mean I have to like them." [...] He sighed and walked away. "Fine, long live Thorax, weakest changeling of the tarring century."

I guess that's the best we could hope for.

Do you think the tags match the story? I can't always pinpoint which ones fit best.

Not sure about "Adventure", but the rest is okay.

The plant life wilted, as if rapidly aging and drying up. I tried to cough back up, but I had already absorbed that magic into my very being. Within ten feet of where I was standing, an entire circle of dry rock and dirt was all that remained.

That explains why the badlands are the badlands...

"I'm an alien named Guilt, and I kicked Chrysalis out after her second defeat to the ponies."
Ocellus leaned back. "Wha...?"
"That was a joke." I chuckled. "I guess it didn't land very well."

I wonder if we will see the actual Chrysalis again later.
Or had it been implied in chapter 2 she was destroyed for good?

I'm very annoyed this is only 3 chapters long

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