• Member Since 4th Feb, 2015
  • offline last seen 24 minutes ago

Skyboss


Returning with a vengeance ▬▬▬▬.ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅​|̲̅̅=­­­­­̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı.​▬▬▬▬ And a beat

T
Source

I believe introductions are in order:
I am or rather was Leon Ghost, a great engineer and family man with my loving wife Jasmine and my three kids, two sons and a daughter, but I'll give more detail on them in another time. I somehow ended up in another world, likely another universe entirely after buying an Eliacube replica from a strange looking merchant at comic con. I have become the character I was dress as which was Nox from Wakfu, but these days I am known as Nox(imilien) Chronos. I have been trapped in a time stasis for exactly 1126 years, 7 months, 2 weeks, 1 day, etc....being a wielder of time gives you a ridiculous ability to near perfectly keep track of any time. I was trapped because of these xenophobic ponies and their idiotic, hothead, paranoid, xenophobic rulers.
These ponies are also foolish, they believe me to be frozen forever and set me up like a trophy in a garden. How I was trapped is a story to be told at a later time. Soon I will be released and I will find my family, and I swear on the name of Xelor that I WILL be free and NO ONE will stop me this time. I went easy on them the first time trying to be the good guy or neutral guy by taking only enough wakfu so they wouldn't suffer any ill side effects.....I am a patience and fair man and they are really pushing my merciful limit.



Credit to Qweeli for the over art

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 123 )

thank you kindly sir for doing this and for choosing the Eliacube :rainbowkiss:

Awesome story can't wait to see where you take this.

I hope there more wakfu elements in this story!

Ha ha ha! I loved that! And that entrance! he he he! defiantly looking forward to more!

and wasn't there more Wakfu displaced around here? I though I saw another...

Ahhh the star trek reference and someone booing it :pinkiehappy:

Good very good. But still fall in the blah blah, imprisoned, not truly bad guy, missed understood plot line. Not saying anything wrong with that plot line, just say it seemed like this story could fall in the same old song and dance as other displaced fics. However I found it enjoyable, and a good read. Can't wait to see how it turns out since I have high hopes for this story.

At first I thought. "Oh shit he looks cool!" I was referring to Dage then I remembered Dage from another story and thought wot? Scrolled down and I blanched. The last image... he looks terrible!

6547743 It's hard to come up with an original concept these days, I could've gone with Nox getting destabilized form the timeline, but I decided that might be overly complex. And thanks for the pressure, I'll do my best, I do have some major plot points planned.
6547198 There will be

6547875 You lost me, which character image are you talking about?
6546521 No problem, Nox was always an interesting character to me
6547096 I can't wait to see where I take it either :pinkiehappy:

“Don’t worry you guys I can’t handle this freak”

:derpytongue2:

6548071 cool! I hope there will be monster or the elicube opening a zap portal to the world~!

Constructive criticism: you could work on your grammar and sentencing. Having an entire paragraph be a single sentence is wrong on every level.

Actual criticism: Your protagonist is an edgy self-insert Mary Sue and nothing in either of these two chapters shows any redeeming factors whatsoever.

LoHAV is a cancerous blight upon this website and should be purged with fire, don't go that route. You can be a better author, and better person.

Everything is uninteresting, even skimming the story feels like a chore, and the constant embedded links and images completely shatters any traces of immersion or flow that this story might've had. If you can't portray it through words, learn to do that instead of using images or the such.

I'm sorry to say it, but this isn't even "so bad it's good", it's just a plain old terrible clichéfest.

6547875 the picture with the legion blade? The person holding that is just a player not Dage

6549578 Thank you for the criticism, Nox won't actually be a villian, just seen that way until his goals are revealed. I've been told I should be more descriptive and so I shall do my best on that subject. Lastly, what sort of redeeming factors would you recommend?

6548389 Thanks for pointing that out

6549578 News flash; LOHAV started as good, with several good stories. It was those trying to make poor imitations of them that created the mess of unfinished stories and the abomination called 'Displaced'. So while I agree that most LOHAV stories are no better than dog shit, appreciate the rare gems that came before it was ruined by amateurs.

“Awesome, but that doesn’t I have his strength

Missing word between doesn't and I. My gues would be *mean*
Saw another one but forgot to note it down.
Like the story so far :D

6550254 Thanks for reminding me. Glad you like the story, but it's far from excellent, I will be making improvement to current and future chapters. I already have the next 5 planned, I just need details and character development.

6549802 Then I guess I don't want to see the coolest thing then because if that mere player was that good then oh my god...

6550059 An actually interesting and fleshed out character, for starters. Yours is a wandering cliché brimming with edginess. I'm serious, he's incredibly one-dimensional and not relatable to in the slightest. It's something a fifteen-year old might consider "edgy and cool", but it's not going to captivate any reader with reasonable standards.

Secondly, it would be nice with more of a substantial plot. This is just "character X goes to Equestria as character Y and things happen." Whilst it may sound interesting in your head, it's not compelling to read about since there aren't any conflicts or goals to look forward to. When writing a story, the first thing you should try and come up with is:

1. A theme - The theme of the story, shouldn't be more than maybe three words. Example: Grief
2. A motive - An important event that's necessary for the plot, for example the murder in a mystery story.
3. A fable - A summary of the events in the story, in chronological order, that does not contain any descriptions of characters, environments or details in general. This one can be a tad tricky, and isn't obligatory. But it can help if you want to spend time and effort into it.
4. A setting - Where should the story take place? Remember that environments can affect the culture and psychology of your characters as well. Example: slums of London, 1942.

This is a decent basis for a story, you can probably use Google to learn more about what these terms mean. And keep in mind: how does your story affect the characters? Character development can really make or break a story, it's important to keep in mind.

Your story is, essentially, the vast majority of all LoHAV stories in existence except with a different coat of paint. Same nonexistent plot and same one-dimensional main character.

A good character is relatable, they would react to situations in a way that, if not like the reader him/herself would react, makes sense and seems logical for that character.

You suffer from the same issues that plague Michael Bay's movies: there's a lot of focus on constant action and things being "cool" or "funny", but as a result the story, characters and actual humour (if you intend to have any) falls flat.

When writing a character, try thinking to yourself "how would I react?" It can help you tone down the over-the-topness and bring your character to a more relatable level.

eyes were popping out of heads at how was standing there.

who?
Like the story so far.
The protagonist is a bit OP atm.

6550330 I ask that you be one of my proofreaders :pinkiehappy:

6550161

News flash; LOHAV started as good

It really, really didn't. :ajbemused:

6550388 As much as I love helping out other authors, real life is a bit too busy right now, can't even really find time to write my own stuff.

If you need a proofreader, don't be shy to ask around though. The worst that can happen is that you'll get a "no".

6550395 I'm talking about a few stories, not the genre in general. These days, it's shit. Two or five stories were worth reading, only one that i'm reading is the active one while another was completed ages ago. So, Yes, it started as good, but people made it bad. It went bad fast and hard......

6550161

LOHAV started as good,

Not entirely true, as the concept itself is heavily flawed.

LoHAV started out, and never actually got anywhere else, as an excuse to write about edgy self-insert Mary Sues. This basis allows for minimal substance in the plot and minimal character development.

At its core, LoHAV is a tool for authors to:
1. Write wish fulfillment stories about self inserts.
And
2. Injure, maim, torture and/or kill characters from the show they happen to very strongly dislike.

This alone actually gives LoHAV stories an "ancestral sin", if you want to get philosophical, whereas they need to prove their quality from a much lower minimal level than a regular fanfiction. Unfortunately, nobody has succeeded in doing this, aside from perhaps one story that took the concept of LoHAV and wrote an absolutely brilliant piece of satire about it, perfectly displaying why and how the entire concept is as flawed as it is.

I saw a forum post about this guy on the Hie group a few days ago...
Holy shit, word gets around fast.

6551155 my story? Could I get the link?

6550513 LoHAV isn't a single story, but a large number of stories with the same premise.

It stands for League of Humans Acting Villainous, this is the group dedicated to it:
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/204138/league-of-humans-acting-villainous

An active time manipulator besides Max? Holy crap, time to go immerse my self in the relevant lore! That aside, long distance wakfu draining is probably inherently inefficient compared to direct draining. Though, spreading it across an entire population would probably actually improve its efficiency, plus make it harder to track him. Then again, him being mad about his designs being copied is probably distracting him from thinking tactically. Then again, he should of challenged miss speed demon to a race and walked it. Not without abusing his time control of course. Completely crushing her at the one thing she is good at is probably more spirit crushing than getting her friends hurt. Loyalty or not, some one doing the thing that only you are good at to the level where you might as well not even have bothered has to be damning.

6552369 I will be using your ideas, thank you

6552369 Max?? can i get a link or name of this fic. :pinkiehappy:
6551323
I think that would be me.
http://www.fimfiction.net/group/20/human-in-equestria/thread/214893/hie-with-time-stoping-powers
Your fic so far is exactly what i was looking for, so for now a fav like and waiting for more.
Cheers.

6558113 No, search wakfu and watch the show

6558918 The title is Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey? Nope Just Max

This. Is. AMAZING!!! :rainbowkiss: I normally don't ask this, but, PLEASE UPDATE SOOOOOOOOOOON!!! :twilightblush: Heh heh, I'm just excited

Great it was finally made. I was thinking about writing a Nox displaced story myself, but now I don't have to worry about that anymore. :yay:

I like it that you made him have a family. This suits Nox good and it may drive him to do some dubious things to see them again. I wonder if he will try to gather Wakfu for this cause? I better continue to read and find out! :pinkiesmile:

I enjoy it greatly. The fight against RD was great and fit perfectly. I'm already thrilled for more! :yay:

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