"I was normal once. Yes! I was, don´t give me that look. Its just that the...circumstances changed, so I had to change as well."
A normal, well not so normal, but still at least a little bit normal, boy named Kyle was about to go on a costume party and on the way he ran into a certain merchant who just happens to have the last little thing that completed his Cosplay. What that merchant forgot to say though was that he would be sucked into another dimension full of cheerfull magical ponies as soon as he´d touched it. A common story right? Well, this story is a little bit different.
Chapters (3)
EDITOR! And you got the zenophobia of the ponies correct though with Gin it IS a little justifiable
5716982 definitely
5716982 I agree.
PS: it is xenophobia.
Looking forward to seeing where this goes.
hmm this seems neat ^_^
write more
Hmm… Looks good so far… Just needs to be cleaned up a little… You may wanna look into a proofreader. But besides that? It's AWESOME! Gin Ichimaru is one of my favorite Bleach captains! Maybe it's because he looks a bit too much like Yuuki Terumi from Blazblue, but that's beside the point. Seriously, just clean it up a bit, and it'll be perfect.
Yes! All my Yes!!! Haven't even read yet, and I'm lovin' it sooooo much!
not bad... aaaand keeping an eye on this story.
huh nice to see no overused 1000 years ago and getting stoned By the elements
5720899 agreed it really annoying when people think that the alicorns just stone everything or that the elements would do so against someone who is good there would be more to magic then that.
laughed at the last sentence
lol that ending XD
*Perfect
*Pony
I'm pretty sure that gin only looked like his eyes were closed cause that was their art style, not that they were literally closed all the time...
But, this is your story, your interpretation.
Only read the first chapter so far and the only thing I can really comment on is your spelling of certain words.
Other than that, nothing seems amiss. Please continue
Mentally would be more appropriate than psychically.
"my fellow ponys?" should be ponies.
"feel the chainge in her additude" Change, attitude.
"I could only discripe as a thrown room" Describe, throne.
The merchant looked like this, didn't he?
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwn9odf0iC1qahx69.jpg
When someone different talks they should have a new paragraph, otherwise it could get confusing on who's talking even if you put who is talking.
Besides that, the story is interesting and I will wait to see what happens next
XD
Yeah, Discord may be a bit much I really believe that Pinkie would be harder for the average human to contemplate if ever met to meet any of the MLP
In the end Gin was good afteral. He only tried to stop Aizen but he never found the right moment. No one was able to stop Aizen until Ichigo appeared. Then again, their trust in him was shattered like a mirror; you may be able to put it back together, but you will never miss the cracks that are shown within.
This doesn't mean that I don't like him being his psychopathic self.
Earth is a terrible name for a planet. They may as well have just named it dirt. Planet Dirt.
All the other planets get named after fricken GODS! But our home planet get named Earth instead.
It's not even a fun word to say. Earth. Earth. Earth. You literally have to contort your facial muscles into a shape resembling someone who just smelled fresh cat shit just to pronounce it.
I shit you not Pink Floyd's "Young Lust" just started playing on the radio as I read this and I immediately imagined Discord taking Gin out clubbing to some pony brothel.
"I am just a new boy, Stranger in this town. Where are all the good times? Who's gonna show this stranger around? Ooooh, I need a dirty woman."
5735824 Then let's call our planet Gaia from now on! If you think Earth is a stupid name.
5739921 could also call it any of the names listed here.http://nineplanets.org/days.html
5756861 BEHOLD OUR HOMEPLANET!
THE PLANET...
Lefase!
You do know Shinigami are pretty much immortal right (They age, but really slowly - Practically immortality)? I don't know why immortality would be such a problem.
By the way, you might want to get an editor - Your story is really interesting, but grammar can really make or break a story, and I saw quite a few errors (Misspelled words, etc.).
5762401 Well see, he just recently got turned into a Shinigami and he don't fully realized yet that he is now practically immortal, so, together with the other stuff, it is still a big deal for him.
And yes, I know. English isn't my native language and I already have a proof reader, Im trying to do better.
Minimal reaction from near pinki decapitation. I think twi or pinki should say more than just instantly go into snickering.
Good work. The only thing that needs fixing was the capitalization of Bleach and the correct spelling of Character and Perfect. That's all though.
LOLZ!
Well! That could've been messy if Twi didn't interfere!
5765636 i don't know if its been said yet but gin ichimaru can open his eyes he just rarley ever does it in the anime. His eyes are sky blue by the way. he can also stop smiling but it only happens when he looses his composure or during times of great emotional stress.
Oh Hell yeah! Bleach crossover! Now I just have to catch up with the 25 seasons I haven't watched yet... Please let there be no spoilers.
5800338 Of course I know that. I just think for the storys sake it's better that way.
Lots of grammar and spelling errors, but I've read worse.
ponie should be pony
perfekt should be perfect.
Are you German? Just wondering, but based on your spelling mistakes it looks like you're spelling based off of German.
Interesting story, anyways. I'll see what you have next.
You're using the wrong characters for apostrophes. A ’ is not a ' and shouldn't be used in the place of one.
the spelling and grammar errors..... THEIR OVER NINE THOUSAND!!!!!!!!!!
it was perfekt, the perfekt size...*facepalms* oh my god.*clears throat*Yes,um you might want to fix that.
images-cdn.9gag.com/photo/2304007_700b.jpg
Quite good, but you need to indent or at least separate the dialogue between all the characters, don't lump them in with the other characters or even the same paragraph. New speaker, new paragraph. If you want more information and help, go to the story's Edit button, then look through the rules until you find a link to Ezn's guide. It will tell you most of what you need to know.
I definitely enjoyed what i read, besides a few spelling errors. Shame that you dont seem to want to continue this story. It would have been interesting to see where things would have gone.
Is the story dead and if so can someone bring it back
And this chapter breaks it for me..... Luna invading dreams is one of my pet peeves and one of the reason humans in my story’s ALWAYS hate her that and when protagonists are STUPID and spill everything to someone they don’t even know or TRUST!
9308178
but i have to agree with you.
Ill stile keep an eye on this one,
continue with this story please it's really cool even i loved this story please 👍:)
I apologise but as you cnow there are some k's instead of c's otherwise I have no problems with this story.
Who's did they really throw a room 6 times you would think that they had some more competent builders damn Harmony cost-cutting.