• Member Since 29th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 20th, 2019

Angelus Alvus


T

While returning from a raid, Queen Chrysalis came across a strange egg in the middle of the desert sand. She took it with her and, for her surprise, the egg turned out to be a dragon's egg.
Now, she'll raise her new minion in order to help her achieve her own goals. Or will she think of him as something more?


this story has been approved by the Black-light Library
http://www.fimfiction.net/group/202196/blacklights-library
[img]http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/377/554/bd5.png[/img]

Chapters (14)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 251 )

(Reads description)
Oh god, yes.
FIRST COMMENT!

well dude got to give it to you, this seems like it will be a very interesting story. It has greatly captured my attention. I can't wait to see how different Spike will develop being raise by the Changling. So many things could change. To be honest i hope he ends up getting a nice little changling girlfriend, I would love to see him bring her home to me "mother" lol. :pinkiehappy: anyway keep up the great work, can't wait for your next update.

Spike raised by Chrysalis? :unsuresweetie:
OH HELL YES! :moustache:

Throw in some Spilight and I'll favorite this!

An interesting premise, and certainly one I haven't seen before. While I'll reserve judgement until more is written, it's a good start

4053204 this is one of the hardest things to do as a writer: keep a story interesting. I hope I can keep up with everyone's expectation.


4053113
I'll think about it

4053468 Have you read Prince Spike by any chance?

Then you understand that this could be the darker (while still romantic) version of that.

4054120 I'm not very good romance writer. I've tried do it once with a xiaolin showdown fanfic and it turned out to be a mess (But, that was my very first fanfic and I was a silly teenager back then. But I've never gave romance another shot ever since. I'll consider your sugestion and see how it can be used within the plot I've planned so far).

Now this... will be epic. :rainbowdetermined2:

4054134 Go for it. I find that with authors that have enough experience putting together a story, plot devices like romance become easier. Generally its near impossible for someone with experience writing to screw up romance

4054134 I like this, take a follow.

It could use some proofreading and some tabs at the beginning of paragraphs for readability, other than that I like the idea and i want to see where you're going with it.

4056274
now better but you could just make use of tab
example you can make it like this and use spacing with changing of perspective or character

The Celestia’s Sun shone in the sky mercilessly over the desert area. The sand was scalding under the hooves of the strange pony-like creatures walking on it.
These creatures resembles ponies, but they had no fur, their faces resemble insects, they all had horns and insect-like wings and all of them had some holes on their bodies. Also, their size was very similar to an average pony.

They are called Changelings. The reason for this is because they have an unique ability of shape shifting into any creature they had set their eyes on.

4056320 And the weird part was that I did use tab...when I wrote on word. For some reason when I copied and pasted it, the format got weird.
I've just fixed it too. I guess I should be more careful. Because, as you said, a text wall is unpleasant to read.

This looks really interesting. It's in my read later, so you know. I'm constantly busy, so I can't read it right now. But I will.

This is a mildly interesting premise.

its so touching that queen chrysalis is described caring in your story because I believe everypony has a good side I like that she hatched the egg this makes an interesting story:twilightsmile:i hope you continue to write it. I only saw one mistake when you spelled caste instead of castle

4058605 I'm glad you liked it so far. Man...I hope I live up with everyone's expectation here.
:applejackconfused:

So spike is going to be an adult whe he meets with the mane 6?

4059757 kinda. He'll be in his 20's, but he won't be a full size dragon. He'll be just a little taller than Garble.

L4

Such an interesting story I wonder what Twilight will be like and I can't wait to see a brand new Spike!!

This was a great chapter. I love seeing her bond with Spike but still keep her personality. When Spike gets older that is will it will get really interesting. How will this change effect how Spike will see the world and act. :moustache:I would love to see you do this will all the Villains:trixieshiftright:

4062869
I don't see anything resembling to butterfly effect

4063028 Instead of Celestia finding the egg (or whoever found it really) Chrysalis finds it. :ajbemused:

4063049
Alternative universe, still this is nothing about butterfly effect.

4062845 One of my major worries was to not portray Chrysalis OOC.
Also, I intend to make a few chapters telling what happens with Twilight and other ponies in this universe.

4063174 I think i've heard about this Butterfly effect thing, but I've never really took a deep look at it. The only thing related to the subject was a movie called Butterfly effect where a guy looked at pictures and could go back in time to the point when the picture was taken and he changed the past many times (most of which resulted in things getting worse.

4063196 I know a brony who explained it better than me on youtube. I could give you a video of it. :pinkiesad2:

Why did she shove him away when he hugged her? He's giving her love, so I don't get her reaction

none can resist the cuteness of baby Spike! :rainbowkiss:

4063287 Well, I figured Chrysalis isn't used to have anyone to love her. Plus she never really loved anyone, but herself, before.
Remember how she treated Shining armor and how she behaved in the comics?
I don't want to deviate from her original personality, but I don't want to make her heartless either.

Not even chrusalis could resist to pikes cuteness

4063419 I don't read the comis (I don't even know if they're available here in my country)

val

4063106 its difficult to not make her a OOC because in the episode she seemed to care about her race trying to go here for power
but she also might have went a bit power crazy during the episode

4064150 I know. that's why I'm trying to portray her as someone who cares mostly about her own kind and don't give a damn about other races.

val

4064164 now I really want to know why spike was in a desert

hey Angelus Alvus i guess spike will be call prince spike and might have a cold hearted personalty.Nice! hope for a chapter three.

4064221 This bit will be revealed much later in the story.
:rainbowdetermined2:

4064578 I don't think "cold hearted" will be the definition of what Spike will become.
:moustache:

Ok, even though there's no guarantee that there will be Spilight, I'm favoring this because it's soooooo good.

Max

"Whos my little killing machine?" That line... i loved it so much :rainbowlaugh:

4064675 ooh, ooh me me!:pinkiehappy: is it um......... badass?:rainbowhuh:

L4

:heart::heart::heart:

It just keeps getting better <3 I wonder if we'll get strong changling OCs.

I just love this story so much

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!