• Member Since 13th Aug, 2012

Sarcastic Brony


Give me one reason Celestia isn't best pony. Pro tip: You can't

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Celestia, the ever regal and gentle princess...

Celestia, who along her sister, rules over the land for eons...

Celestia, holder of unlimited knowledge and the power over the sun itself...

Is still a mare. And a very lonely mare.

She always wanted a foal to call her son, but she was a princess. Something desirable by many, approachable by none.
So what happens when Celestia finds a young colt?

Why she will adopt him of course. And she will love him forever.

Despite his cursing, senseless mumbling and apparent delirious mind.
Yes, she will love him, even if appearances can be deceiving...


Adam, the ever lazy and impulsive teen...

Adam, who wants nothing more than some peace and quiet, even if he's doing jack-shit to achieve anything...

Adam, holder of limited knowledge and power over his own laptop...

Is a pony. Or a colt, more precisely.

He was not always like that, though it doesn't change the fact that he is now. So, what will our human do in a foreign world, trapped in a foreign body?

Why he gets adopted of course.

And despite his cursing, senseless mumbling and apparent childish mind.
His adoptive 'Mother' will love him.

And why does her sister looks at him that way?

Chapters (17)
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A human baby, weak and fragile, is found by queen Gaia, the ruler of Equestria.Together with king Solaris, the two adopt you as their son.
Join our little prince in his times of joy and in his times of strife. With friends by his side and his little sisters, our prince will understand that friendship is magic. For he is, after all, the elder brother.

Insipred loosley onThe monster of Canterlot and (very loosley on...) The love of the sun (can't add a link because it's against FimFiction rules, go figure)
A little something I wanted to share, hope you enjoy...

Chapters (17)
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Disclaimer: Not a real-life religion, so there's no need to get all up in arms over a fic with the 'comedy' tag.

Post-Conversion Earth is a calm, peaceful place. However, it lacks the certain kind of chaos that only religion can bring. Enter a single, fanatical human from space to dish out his own kind of conversion.

Religion is coming to Equestria, brought by a single, oblivious, fanatic. On a divine mission from his God (at least that's what he thinks), this lone human will not rest until he saves the souls of all. With zeal in his heart, a holy tome in his hands and unyielding faith, he shall bring the true meaning of conversion back to Equestria.

Whether the ponies like it or not.

So grab your prayer beads, strap on your finest missionary boots and prepare for a preachin' you won't forget.


Arse-covering:
1. I'm not taking any shots at religion here, it's a shame that I have to point that out but better safe than sorry.
2. Any references to actual religion is purely for comedic purposes.
3. Not a hate-fic, I just can't resist the pun.
4. Disregarding the above points is considered heresy, and punishable by eternal damnation.


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Chapters (8)
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This story is a sequel to Nigel M Chalmers, Emperor


(15/10/2015) Turned status back to incomplete pending an Epilouge and Alternate Endings chapter as per comment suggestions.

After being banished by Celestia for his misdeeds, the alien Emperor of the Crystal Empire is back... and out for revenge.

Emperor Chalmers is not a happy space man. After being stabbed in the back by Equestria, he was sent to the depths of the Underworld. Kicked out for causing too much trouble for the wardens, Nigel now has the chance to take back his empire and show Celestia just how disappointed he is with her.

This time things will be different. This time he has friends.

Chapters (15)
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We all know how this goes, don't we? Some unlucky schmuck goes to a Halloween party or convention dressed up as someone evil, gets sent to Equestria, and then ends up antagonizing the locals.

Well my story goes a bit differently. My name is Isaac Donohue, and after a night of drunken partying that I STILL can't remember, I wake up in Equestria fifteen hundred years before the events of canon with five seemingly random superpowers:

Angelic Physiology, so I'm frickin gorgeous now. Oxygen Independence, so I don't need to breath. Asexual Reproduction, just call me Mister Mommy why don't you...Bubble Breath, something useless that I rarely use. Power Replication, otherwise known as a game breaker.

So anyways I befriended everyone's favorite draconequus Discord, and we made such beautiful chaos together. Well, it was more of me trying to reform him before he got stoned by the Princesses in an effort to change history for the better. What a waste of time that was, and as a result of this I got petrified as well for being his accomplice. Can you believe that?

Since I'm free, I've decided to settle down and rule a kingdom of my own. I'm sure there are enough tyrants in the world that need to be overthrown despite Sunbutt's best efforts. But if there aren't any, I'm pretty sure I can steal the Crystal Empire from Sombra before Shining Armor and Cadence do.

The only problem is, THE LAW WON'T STOP CHASING ME!

A LoHAV story that I'm writing as I go on.

ANNOUNCEMENT 6/4/2017: I'm sorry, but this story is cancelled. This has been a long time coming. As I've progressed as a writer I look back on this story with increasing amounts of disgust. Still, I know people enjoy it for some reason which is why I'm leaving it up for posterity's sake. Maybe I'll completely rewrite it from the ground up in the future, but that time is not now.

Chapters (24)
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The year is 2806, and Humanity has long left the loving embrace of their planet. After defeating the fanatical Enlightened, a warmongering alien race who had come to destroy them, many thought that an era of peace and prosperity was to come.

But that was not the case. Earth was lost in the war, and Humanity was divided.

A galactic civil war is raging in the galaxy, and three notorious pirates seeking to leave that life depart on a voyage to find the long-lost homeworld of Humanity: Earth. But complications arise as their destination is far more colourful, and far more occupied than originally expected…

Follow the tale of the Cerberus Pirates, and their struggles on a foreign world with nothing but the technology on their persons and the wreck of their ship to work with. Striving to get back to Mother Earth, and doing whatever it takes to achieve that goal.

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[Gore tag is more of a warning that things get a bit intense, but not to a sickening degree. Merely a word of caution, as it were.]
[The Team: Dumbgamer99 (Slayer), SovietBacon (Yuri), and Shadow Horizons (Drake)]
[Current Beta-Readers (thanks a tonne, you guys!): Rokkurin, PhiliChez]

Chapters (12)
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TTS Reading of the entire fiction: Courtesy of the FanFiction Reader on Youtube.

Character List: Courtesy of TruthHut (A work in progress)

Handy is not a happy man at the best of times.

He was even less happy to find himself in an alien world that offended the very laws of physics and got injured for his own stubborn refusal to accept the obvious path fate had apparently laid out for him.

For his trouble he is now on a journey, with the long term goal of finding his way back home, only to find himself involved in plots and machinations so far above his head and cares that he quickly becomes a pawn in a game played by powers who care not for his well-being.

Quite like his life back on Earth if you think about it.

Needless to say, Handy does not care for any of it. He is much more preoccupied with the more immediate and pressing mundane concerns of day to day life a human needs to worry about while in Equestria.

Obtaining a new pair of shoes for example.

All this and one almighty hangover, what's the worst that could happen?

Rated teen for harsh language and minor violence

Proofread by JBL, Jude and Usurper

Chapters (72)
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TV TROPES PAGE! Show it the love, people!

Tartarus: the fabled prison said to hold all of the demons of Equus at bay.

Few truly know what lies behind the impenetrable doors Cerberus guards. Some say that it is a pit, infinite in it's depth and darkness, from which there is no return. Other claim it to be a hellish plain, filled with fire and pain and suffering, to punish the demons for their sins.

All of them are wrong.

Tartarus is small. An inescapable cell for a single prisoner. But the tales about it's purpose are not false.

For this captive human holds the key to unleashing upon Equestria forces which have not been seen for centuries, forces which predate Equestria by many an age.

And soon, he shall be free.

EDIT: Featured on 5/25/14! SUH-WEEEEET!

[img]http://i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png[/img]

Chapters (29)
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When the ad for a roommate was answered by a pony, Louis was more than a bit surprised. He had heard about them in the news, and how they had come from another world. But what Bronies had wished for wasn't exactly what they found. Now the real ponies are visiting earth, and he has one living with him. How will the straight laced normal guy learn to deal with a hyperactive pink pony, and how will she learn to live in a world without magic?

A bit of a sitcom style slice of life, where the real ponies are as different from the show as we are from cartoon humans. Rated PG13 for innuendo and language. Expect foul language, F-bombs, sexual innuendos, and tons of low-brow dirty humor.
Featured! 2/7/14
Room for Rent: FAQ
Edited by Zyrian

Chapters (14)
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Twilight, seeing that her friend needed a little bit of companionship, decided to help him get a date.

But boy, did he aim a little too high for her taste.

Now, her and Spike need to help this putz of a human snatch a date from one of the most undateable beings on the planet, Princess Celestia.

Needless to say, they're doomed.



Cover art used with permission by Lydia-Rawr


Warning: Story will contain horrible romance clichés, cutsieness, and all around silliness.

You have been warned.

Chapters (25)