As I turned to face the mirror in my room, every fiber of my being screamed the same message: “Aww fuck no!”
“Fuck no, I am not going out like this.” I sighed, shaking my head.
“Awww, come on, Louis! Rarity put alot of time into these outfits! You can at least let me see what you look like.” Pinkie whined from the other side of my door as I fidgeted in my costume.
“Seriously, Pinkie, this is just insulting to wear. If I hadn't promised to at least try it on, I wouldn't even be wearing it right now.” I tried my best to keep my voice calm as I contemplated what fines I would be forced to pay if I burned the outfit.
“Oh stop being such a baby! I put mine on, so lemme see yours!” Despite her valid argument, I still wanted to punch whoever designed my costume.
As I peered into the reflective surface of my door length mirror, I could feel the shame of my ancestors mocking me. Never mind that my black heritage never really had to deal with the American civil rights bullshit, this was just wrong. Before me stood one of the most racist icons of American culture. I looked like a fucking Lawn Jockey.
“Aww come on, Louis! We are gonna be late, and I really wanted to get some trick or treating done before the party!” Her obnoxious whine set my teeth on edge as I thought of the most probable scenario to get me out of this.
“First off, I am quite sure both of us are far too old to be Trick-or-Treating . Second, I said we were going to a party. I never said we were going in costume. It’s optional, and I am really not looking forward to kicking someone’s ass when they gimme shit about this outfit.” Flexing a bit, I had to admit the outfit was far more comfortable than most of what I owned, but the shame of wearing it ruined everything. Why couldn’t she make me a nice pimp suit? At least there was a cultural stereotype I could be proud of. And if anyone said shit, I could say I was in character when I pimp-slapped the shit outta them. Hmm, I wonder if I could get Pinkie to dress as a prostitute? She already had the fishnets...
Fuck, no! Bad Heads ! Both of you need a time out.
I almost missed the vehement response in my musings. “Too old for free candy? NEVER!”
I chuckled, and decided to at least let Pinkie see how ridiculous I looked. Slowly opening the door, I saw her still glaring in my direction. Who knew she was so serious about candy? Okay, anyone that knows Pinkie for more than five minutes knows-- but fuck you, it’s still funny.
I stopped and stared, and she did the same. I’m quite sure both of us were trying not to laugh at the other. While I was wearing the striped shirt and shorts of a jockey, Pinkie Pie was dressed in an overly ornamental saddle and ridling tack. What’s worse, the number on her flank was 69, a fact that almost made me burst out laughing all on it’s own.
“Oh wow, Louis, is that really the traditional outfit for a racing jockey? It kinda looks uncomfortable.” She blushed a bit at my obvious embarrassment.
“I don’t know shit about traditional, but being comfortable is the only thing this had going for it. If your friend would take the time to do a damn Goofle search, she would know how racist this damn thing looks on a black man.” I crossed my arms, and tried my best to glare at my roommate, and ignore the fact that she herself looked like she belonged on a merry-go-round.
“But you aren’t black. You are actually kinda brown.” She gave me a puzzled look. “In fact, I remember Rarity telling me she wouldn’t mind you putting some of your coffee into her crmmpph!” I quickly grabbed her muzzle, stopping her from saying something I would regret.
“Seriously? Just no. In fact, make that a hell no.” Shaking my head, I let go of her mouth. “I only met her the one time, and got the distinct impression that the two of us would definitely be going to different parties.”
“But she’s gonna be at tonight’s party.” Suddenly she stopped, and I could almost see the gears turning in her head. “OH! I get it, she meant... Well horseapples. That isn’t gonna happen.” And what followed was a face so serious, that I actually took a step back. I mean it, when Pinkie gets serious it’s scary.
“Well then, I’m glad we agree on something.” I answered drolly. “So, about these outfits...?”
“Oh there’s no time! Let’s just try to have fun, it can't be that bad.” And like a switch, the happy Pinkie was back.
“The things I do for my friends.” Sighing, I picked up the itinerary I had made from the table. “Okay, we need to stick to the schedule. That means we do one lap around the block for candy, unless we get arrested as pedos. After that we hit the kid’s party you managed to talk me into.”
“But they’re orphans! They need a Pinkie Party to cheer them up.” Pinkie gave me sad puppy dog eyes, and I just rolled my own in response.
“Whatever. At 9PM sharp we need to get our asses to the real party. I’m told a few of your friends will be there. I plan to promptly get drunk, and pray I don't have to beat anyone’s ass because of this clown suit.” Sighing in resignation, I tucked the list in my pocket. “You ready then?”
“Oh, hold on, I need to put the rest of my costume on.” She pulled on an equine racing mask, which was the same light blue as the balloon on her butt, and matched the saddle and hoof sock things she was wearing. I chuckled, since it made her look like the world’s most ridiculous colorblind bank robber.
“Can you help me with the bit? I’ve never worn one before, and I’m still having trouble.” She handed me the metal bar, which seemed to snap into the leather straps she was wearing on her face. I couldn't help but notice that on a Equestrian pony, The whole outfit kind of looked like bondage gear, especially with it being made from leather.
“Do you really want to wear this thing? It’s meant to help control the mount, and it’s not like you need to be controlled--” I paused as a thought struck me, “Actually, maybe you do need it after all.” I grinned, imagining how hard it would be for her to talk.
“No silly, it’s just for show. Rarity took it back to Equestria and enchanted it for me.” Opening her mouth, she waited for me to slide the device into place.
“Wait, ‘Rarity’s Magic Bit’? Where have I heard that before?” I pondered, before the memory surfaced. One of the more off-color stories that Don had sent me to read. The synopsis alone made me immediately close the window, and want to burn my browsing history. And then he sent me the fan art. “This better not do what I think it does, or you are going on your own.”
“Oh stop being a silly head. Just stick it in!” She giggled, then opened her mouth again, closing her eyes.
“That’s what she said.” I muttered, as I slid the bar into place, over her tongue, and behind her rear molars. It fit perfectly like a piece of orthodontic equipment. I stepped back, and waited to see a reaction, but nothing happened.
“See! She made it so I can talk normally with it in. Yay!” Bouncing around the room, she stuck her tongue out and blew a raspberry at me.
Finally ready, we headed out into the night.
The first few houses were not too bad. Most of them knew us, and were rather friendly. She seemed to be on a first name basis with everyone we met, despite the fact that I grew up here and didn't know hardly any of them. As we moved farther away, the stares and comments grew more uncomfortable.
“Oh my, your daughter is just darling! She looks like one of them real ponies. Where did you get such a nice costume?” I just glared at the woman asking with my best ‘Angry Black Man’ stare.
“Oh I am a real pony! This is my racing costume. Vroom vroom!” Pinkie piped up, getting a smile and a pat on the head. I just kept my mouth shut.
“It’s so nice to see young couples getting out and enjoying the holidays!” Another old man smiled at us, winking in what he thought was a knowing manner. Pinkie just gave me a hug, while I pretended I was having my picture taken.
Then there were the children. So many of them wanted to take rides on the race pony, and Pinkie was more than happy to oblige them. At one point we had a small crowd of kids lining up to take turns, as the pink mare zipped along the sidewalk. The fun finally came to an end when one particularly creepy Troglodyte of a man asked if he could ‘Ride the Pony’ with a rather disturbing grin.
“Sorry, rides are over. Time to go Pinkie!” I tugged on her reins, and started to walk away getting groans from the remaining children, and a pout from Pinkie herself.
“Oh, come on, Louis! I’m having fun. I just wanna give a few more rides.” Whining, the pink mare shuffled her feet behind me, but obediently followed.
“Trust me, Pinkie. There are some rides you would probably not be interested in.” As we walked away, I looked over my shoulder to see the creeper waving to us. I was willing to bet good money I would find him on a sex offender hotlist somewhere.
“Aww, we didn't even get much candy. I used to get way more back in Ponyville!” Still pouting, we approached our house, which seemed to have a line of kids standing outside, despite having left the light off.
“Well, if you would have done more house hopping, and less “Kid Hopping” you may have gotten more. Besides, I can buy you way more candy tomorrow when all the stores put it on clearance.” I sighed, stopping at my gate to look at the kids in my yard. “Now lets find out what these kids want.”
“Pinkie Pie!” The cheer went up, and all the kids came running over to surround the pink pony. I jumped back to keep from getting bowled over by the Munchkin brigade as they swarmed my friend.
“Heya kids! Hi Tommy! Jenny, Latona, Jack, Mack, Joey, Sue, Walter...” She went down the list of names, getting a smile from each and every kid as she recognized them all. How she managed to remember so many names was beyond me. “Hey Louis, these are all the kids I’ve thrown parties for! They must have all come to see me and attend the party I had planned.” This got a cheer from the swarm of tykes, and I shook my head. I noticed that there were parents also holding back, smiling at the scene.
“Oookay. So I guess we are all gonna go to the party? Let’s get going, shall we?” A cheer went up, and everyone ran to their vehicles. I was sure glad this was a charity event, because I sure as hell didn't wanna foot the bill for this many kids.
A quick drive later, we were at the orphanage, and the look on the Headmistress’ face was priceless. She was expecting Pinkie and I not a small army of other kids. It all turned out well in the end, as the orphans had many more children to play with, and what was going to be a pathetic little gathering turned into a real party-- Well, a kid’s party, at least. And there was even plenty of catering. All it took was a call to my dad and the words ‘Tax Deductible’ to have him send me a blank check for the party.
And as for Pinkie, I can't remember the last time I saw her so happy. The kids lined up for rides around the small gym they had, and I actually had to threaten to hose her off if she didn't stop to catch her breath after thirty or so laps. The parents were mingling, and talking to the staff, and it even looked as though a few of them were thinking of adding to their own menagerie without all that nasty pregnancy stuff.
Pinkie even managed to drag me out onto the floor for a few rounds of kiddie songs, including “The Monster Mash”. I gotta say, I really enjoyed myself, even after I was talked into being a second “pony” when Pinkie finally stopped to rest. There were even a few single MILFs who were giving me the eye after they saw how good I was with kids. I may have gotten a few phone numbers when nopony else was looking. I mean, it’s not like I Hate kids, they just annoy the hell outta me. I prefer to be that fun uncle, so I can spoil them and send them home. No snotty noses and messy diapers for this cat.
Finally the Headmistress managed to corner me and coerce a promise to bring Pinkie by more often, and the party started to wind to a close. More than a few friendships were made, and heartfelt farewells were exchanged as the parents dragged their worn out charges off for home. I finally had to grab Pinkie by the reins and drag her away from the kids to make my own escape.
“Oh thank you so much Louis! That was the most fun I’ve had in forever!” Pinkie gushed, and planted a messy kiss on my cheek as we got into the car. The bit may have let her talk normally, but it caused her to drool a little.
“Yeah, yeah. It was fun, Pinkie.” I wiped my face off on my sleeve, and rolled my eyes. “But now we need to buckle up and get our asses to the real party!”
“Whoohoo! PAR-TAY!” Pinkie cheered and buckled herself into the seat, and off we went.
As we arrived at the scene of the party, I took a moment to take it in. For some reason, whoever had planned the party had booked the nearby high school gymnasium, and decorated the outside like a giant graveyard. It was pretty snazzy; with fog machines, ambient creepy noises, and blood everywhere. It was definitely one of the better haunted house setups I had seen.
“Wow, a high school? Wait, what’s so scary about a high school, Louis?” Pinkie asked.
“I dunno about you, but it was the scariest four years of my life.” I shrugged as we wandered through the entrance. A big creepy guy that looked like my old gym teacher took our tickets and gave us both armbands as we entered. “I was hated by the teachers because I was black, and smarter than them. I was hated by the popular kids because I was smarter and richer than them. The jocks hated that I was smarter and better looking, the smart kids hated that I was better looking and had money. Let’s just say, I wasn't very popular. Everyone had a reason to resent me.” I shrugged and peered around, seeing that the entrance actually led to a haunted house setup inside, which we had to navigate to get to the party.
“I don’t get it, you are a great guy! Yes, you are good looking, and smart, and funny, and even Rarity would admit you are a good dresser. Why would anypony hate you for that?” Pinkie stopped and scratched her head, and I had to chuckle as she took the opportunity to check out my ass.
“Yes, well you gotta understand something about humans, especially teenagers. They are very insecure, and anyone that they think is better than them is seen as a threat. They will band together to repel that threat.” I threw my hands up and shrugged, “I was just too awesome for them to handle, so they treated me like shit. I was so glad to get the hell out and get to college. At least then only the stupid kids hated me.” Grinning I ruffled her hair, and got another puzzled look, which turned into a grin as she nuzzled my hand.
“Lets get through this rat maze and find the real party. All this high school bullshit can wait for my next therapy session.” I turned and started walking into the labyrinth, hearing the clop of hooves catch up to me.
“Hah! You sound like Rainbow Dash now.” She piped up, bumping her hips into mine.
“”Hey, no need to be modest if you really are awesome. Rainbow Girl at least has that right.” I winked at my friend, getting a giggle.
As we made our way through the hallways of the school, we were herded through rooms that had been set up to resemble scenes from popular horror movies. There was the Hacksaw Massacre, with Pleatherface, standing over a cowering victim on one room, and then I ran into Shawn Krueger, wearing a spiked racing glove on one hand, and his trademark Flyrtle shirt. They even had some pony stuff, and I had to almost drag Pinkie away from a big ass black horse wearing silver armor that almost made her piss herself. My favorite was the display that showed Henry Gates hacking a computer, while some poor shit stared in horror at his empty bank account. Gotta love nerd humor. needless to say, Pinkie missed the joke.
Finally, we reached the end of the show, which I have to admit, was well done; The school’s art department deserved an award for the displays. We exited the final room, and saw the doors to the gymnasium before us, decked out like the old greek gates of Hades, complete with the “Abandon all hope…” sign over the doors.
“Oh no! I’m too young and cute to go to Tartarus!” Pinkie gasped, and grabbed me. I wasn't even sure if she was faking as she clung to my leg with a death grip.
“Relax, Pinkie. Me and Charon are old drinking buddies.” In fact, as we approached, I saw none other than Joe himself pull back his deep hood and wink at me, as he held out a blacklight scanner.
“Heya Louie! Got yourself a date tonight? She’s a real cutie, if yer into that kinda thing.” He straightened and waggled his eyebrows at my friend.
“She’s just my friend, and roommate, Joey. You can molest all the farm animals you want, but I’m still hooked on boobs.” This got a glare from Pinkie, which I ignored, and a dark chuckle from Joe as he waved us through the “Gates of Hell”
“Whatever you say, Boy-o. Welcome to Hell, where sin is in, and naughty is the norm. Enjoy yourselves!” A bad excuse for an evil laugh was ruined by a nasty smoker’s cough, and I just patted him on the back as we walked through the portal.
I took two steps into the room, and stopped as chills ran down my spine. I felt Pinkie bump into me, before she stepped around and looked at the decorations with a confused expression.
“What’s wrong, Louis? It isn't very scary, I admit, but there isn't anything wrong, is there?” She seemed a bit confused, but her querulous voice broke me out of my shock.
“Oh, this is just fucking evil. Whoever set this shit up is going to burn in hell surrounded by titties he can never touch.” I whispered, looking around me in horror.
“What? What’s so bad about it? I mean, for a scary holiday, it is kinda bright, but it doesn't seem very evil.” Pinkie pawed at one of the nearby tables, decorated in a bright silver and blue motif. In fact the entire room was done to resemble a fantastical undersea kingdom.
“It’s horrible. It’s sadistic. It’s just plain evil.” I shuddered as I took in the decorations. This was not your traditional Halloween party.
“What is it Louis? What’s so bad about it?” I pitied the poor pony in her ignorance, and at the same time, I envied her.
“It’s Prom Night.” And all the memories of rejection, ridicule and alienation came flooding back. This was just plain sick.
“Wait, what?” Pinkie looked baffled. I didn't blame her.
“Prom Night? I don’t get it.” I looked around the room, with it’s glittery blue and silver decorations, and the sparkly ball spreading beams of light all around. I looked back at Louis, who had the hundred yard stare of an all-night party veteran. “What’s so scary about Prom Night?”
Slowly he looked down at me with haunted eyes. “As bad as high school was, this was the worst night of the entire ordeal. I was forced to socialize with all the people that had snubbed and tortured me. I managed to not have a date, and at the time I had some really nasty acne. Add to that the fact that my dad was on the committee, and I just knew he was gonna try to meddle.” He sighed and closed his eyes. “The worst part is that almost everyone else knew too, and gave me shit for it.”
“So what, you got to be Prom King? That’s still kinda cool.” I shrugged. “I never got to go to my prom. I was so busy planning and arranging it, that I fell asleep and missed it.” Sighing, I looked down and rubbed my hoof. “I was so upset that I stayed in my room for a week. Everyone came by asking if I was sick, but I was too sad to talk to them.”
“Meh, it’s all overrated. Prom is for the popular kids to show off. I wasn’t one of them. I didn’t even wanna go, but my friend bet me twenty bucks to show up, just to piss everyone off.”
Still feeling all “downy-frowny” I sat down and sighed again. Louis wasn't making it any better. I was one of the popular ponies. Maybe not as popular as Rarity, but at least everyone waved and smiled when I walked into the room! Prom night was something I would never get back.
“C’mon Pinkie! Lets not get too caught up in the past. Let’s enjoy tonight!” He grinned and pulled me to my hooves. “If the punch isn't spiked yet, I have some work to do, and you have some of your pony friends to introduce me to.”
I felt the smile creep back onto my face, and I bounced into the air. “You’re right! This is a party, and I’m a party pony! Let’s show them how to have fun.”
“That’s the spirit!” Leaning down, he gave me a hug, and I felt my heart give a little backflip. This was going to be a good night.
Moving closer to the stage, I saw plenty of people in costumes, as well as a few ponies. I even spotted Rainbow Dash, hovering above the crowd talking to another pegasus I didn't recognize. She spotted me as I waved and came shooting over to land in front of me.
“Dashie! I’m so glad you could make it. I haven't seen you since, well. You know.” I trailed off remembering exactly why we had met up last time. The smile dimmed a bit on her face, before it came back.
“It’s cool, Pinkie. I’m starting to feel better, and trying to get out and see my old friends more. Nothing can keep this pegasus down, not even. You know...” Her smile turned brittle for a moment, before she lunged forward and grabbed me in a hug.
“Wheeeeeee!” I cheered as my hooves left the ground. Pegasus hugs were the funnest! Well, unless they dropped you. It was always a good idea to have something soft underhoof when Derpy hugged you. Just as quick, I was back on the ground, and everypony was laughing.
“Sup, Dash.” Louis held out a fist, and got a hoof bump in return. “Hows it hangin?”
“Puckered, and a little to the right.” Dash replied, and they both laughed. I didn't get the joke, but tried my best to laugh with it.
“Yea, well nobody said being awesome was easy, Amirite?” My human friend grinned and raised an eyebrow.
“Troof, ma Nigga!” Rainbow raised her hoof for a high... uh, something. Louis’s face froze for a moment, before he cracked up laughing and slapped the offered appendage.
“What are you guys talking about? And why are you talkin funny, Dashie?” I asked, feeling a frown trying to tug at my mouth.
“It seems your brightly colored friend has been spending a bit too much time among my darker colored brothers and has picked up a few of our cultural mannerisms.” Louis delivered this with a straight face and dry voice, which lasted moments before they both started cracking up again.
“Seriously, Pinkie. You need to get out and meet more humans instead of creeping on Louis all the time. There’s a whole world full of cool, fun people to party with!” I couldn't help but feel a little insulted at being told how to make friends. I was the pinkiest, partiest, friendliest pony in two worlds!
“Come on you two, let's go meet the rest of the mob.” Louis started wandering over to the rest of the party, mostly around the dance floor. Not many were dancing, but there were a few couples gliding across the floor.
“Nice costumes, guys. I didn't think you had the balls to wear that kinda stuff. Who made them?” Dash looked us over as we made our way.
“Rarity made them for us. It’s a matching set. I practically had to drag Louis out of the house though.” I sighed.
“Yea, he does kinda look like a lawn jommf?” She was pulled up short as Louis grabbed her muzzle.
“Don’t finish that sentence of you wanna keep your wings.” Louis growled in a low voice.
“Okay, okay, sheesh. No need to be so touchy. So what do you think of my outfit?” She grinned, flying backwards to give us a better look.
“Hmm, pony prostitute? See Pinkie, I told you I should have dressed as a pimp.” Louis commented.
“What? NO! It’s from the ‘Meatloaf Horror Picture Show’. I’m dressed as Doctor Wienerschnitzel.” She grinned. The black wig covered her mane, and she was wearing a racy black corset. Fishnets and black pumps finished the look, and the bright red lipstick almost clashed with her normal blue muzzle.
“Not bad. And who is playing Magenta?” Louis snarked.
“Hah! That’s the best part. I got Rarity to dress up as her!” She landed as we approached a pony dressed in a sexy maid outfit, with her mane pulled out into wavy curls.
Turning, she saw us, and her eyes went wide. “Oh my! Darling, when you asked for those special costumes, I never thought that you would wear them to the party! And look at you both, such a charming couple you make, too.” Rarity gushed, and eyeballed Louis like he was a piece of triple layer chocolate cake with buttercream icing. “And you must be Louis! I have heard so much about you.” Holding out a hoof, Louis knelt down and planted a kiss on it, getting a blush and a titter from her.
I can't help it, I may have growled, just a little.
“Ahem, party?” I piped in.
“Oh yes, Darling! We are here to enjoy this lovely earth holiday. I admit it is nice to get to dress up and enjoy it myself. Out Nightmare Night is always such a busy time with ponies all wanting an original Rarity costume. I rarely ever get a chance to go out myself.” Rarity pranced around, showing off her own costume. It was actually rather plain by her normal standards, with strict limits being placed on the amount of gemstones allowed to come through from Equestria. Still, she gave it some flair, like everything she makes.
“Yeah, I really wanna know who I have to punch in the nuts for designing the theme this year.” Louis groused, as he looked around the room.
“Hey hey, Louis! What’s shaking!” A short human stepped out of the crowd, dressed in a leather biker outfit.
“Frankie! Where ya been man? I haven't seen you in almost a year.” Louis grabbed the other man’s hand, and then pulled him into a quick hug. Greasy brown locks flowed down his back, roughly pulled into a ponytail, and a set of thick rimmed glasses were on his pale face. The small Rainbow Dash keychain hanging off of his wallet chain only slightly marred his Greasy Biker look.
“Pinkie Pie, this is Frankie. Him and I used to work together, until he got all uppity and decided he was too good for Pencils and left. He used to chew my ear off about ponies, until Don came along and replaced him as the store’s resident Brony.
“Nice keychain, dude. Not as nice as the real thing, of course!” Rainbow Dash batted at the small figurine, getting a very un-bikerlike gasp from the brony.
“Holy shit, it’s the real Rainbow Dash!” Some very girlish squee noises followed, reminding me of the time that Dash first met the Wonderbolts. “Can I like, get your autograph? Here, sign my wallet please!” Pulling out a black leather wallet, with a colorful stitched pattern of my rainbow friend, he shoved it into her face.
“Whoa, calm down there buddy!” Dash stepped back, her personal space being invaded. Some ponies think I don't understand the concept of personal space, but they are wrong. I just like to think of it as a malleable thing, like taffy, and time. Besides, everypony secretly wants a hug, even if they won't admit it.
“Well... Normally I charge for these, but since you are such a fan, and a friend of Louis, I’ll give you a freebie.” From under her wing, she produced a marker and deftly signed the wallet, before giving the stitched image of herself a mustache. “Because Rainbow ‘stache is cool.”
“Holy shit, this is so awesome! I’m never gonna wash this wallet again!” More jumping and girly noises followed, and even Louis took a step back.
“Really dude, who washes a wallet anyway?” Louis asked.
“Yea, besides, money laundering is against the law!” I chimed in, getting a snicker from Dash, and eye rolls from the rest.
“Um, yea. So you guys like the theme?I helped pick it out. Welcome to High School Musical, OF THE DAMNED!” Waving his arms in the air, he tried to make spooky noises.
“That’s all I needed to hear, prepare to be punched in the nuts!” Louis pulled back a fist, and waved it threateningly at his friend.
“What? I was asked what the scariest thing I could think of, and high school came to mind immediately.” Frankie shrugged.
Louis glared at him a few moments more, and then broke into a smile. “Fair enough. High school is like one of the circles of hell.”
“Sho nuff!” Frankie grinned, and fist bumped Louis.
“So where is the punch, and what is the current proof?” Louis grinned at his friend.
“Bah, its virgin. They wouldn't let me bring any booze onto school grounds.” Running a hand through his greasy brown locks, the biker shook his head.
“Well then, how about we pop that cherry?” And out of nowhere, Louis pulls a bottle of rum. I blink and narrow my eyes. I swear, every time I do something like that, everypony gets upset. Now Louis does it, and nopony bats an eye. As the two of them wander off in search of punchy pleasures to conquer, my friends converge on me.
“So, Pinkie dear, you said he was a bit of a looker, but you never said he was so... exotic!” Rarity smoozed over to me grinning knowingly.
“Really Rarity? I thought you were only into stallions.” Rainbow Dash cut in.
“One does not need to be an artist to appreciate fine art, my dear Rainbow. I shall have to make some more outfits for him in the future, especially if Pinkie can get him to model for me.” Grinning wickedly, she fanned herself off with the feather duster from her costume.
“Hey, just remember, look but don't touch. I saw him first!” I gave my best Pinkie Pout.
“Oh Luna, you mean you haven't put a saddle on him yet? What are you waiting for, Pinkie? You almost had him with that Annie May outfit you wore.” Ruffling her feathers, Dash gave me a consoling hug.
“I believe it’s called Anime, and i do remember it was one of my nicer pieces of work. So I take it it didn't seal the deal?” Rarity shook her head sadly.
“No, he still says he isn't into ponies. But I can wait! I know if I try to be the bestest friend ever, that one day I’ll get my chance!” I grinned and got comforting smiles in return.
“Well I wish you the best of luck! I gotta get back to, umm, some stuff I was doing. See you girls later!” Dash waved as she hovered off towards the pegasus I had seen earlier. I think it may have been one of the Wonderbolts, but without the uniform it was hard to tell.
“Yes, Darling, I need to do some more mingling myself. Sweetie Belle is trying to get into a music college here on earth, and I was talking to one of the deans. Do track me down before you leave though. I really would love to design some more clothing for your handsome friend.” And just like that, I was alone.
It wasn't so bad, not like before when I thought all my friends didn't like me anymore. There were plenty of people and ponies around, but I realized I didn't know any of them. And for a pony that is used to knowing everypony, it felt weird. I trotted over to the food table for some refreshments, giggling at the creepy spider cupcakes, and chuckling at the gross looking eyeball dip. It took me a moment to realize what I was doing, and I felt my mane deflate a little. Granny Pie had always told me to laugh at things that scared me, and right now I was a little scared of being alone. The worstest part was, I didn't know why. I was surrounded by people, and everypony was having a great time. Some music was playing and dancers took to the floor. But somehow, not being in the thick of it made me feel all downy and frowny.
I wandered over to a table, sitting and looking at the food on my plate. For once, I didn't feel up to eating sweets. Looking around, I realized that all of my friends were nowhere to be found. I wanted to talk to Louis. I wanted to see Rainbow Dash. Even Rarity would be good company right now.
Suddenly the music stopped, and the lights dimmed. A spotlight appeared on the stage, and I saw Louis’ friend, Frankie waving. At the same time, a bump at the table let me know somepony has joined me, and I looked over to see Louis grinning.
“Louis! I was starting to wonder where you went.” I smiled and grabbed his hand with a hoof.
“Well, me and Frankie were busy improving the punch, and of course, we had to test it out.” he burped, and I could smell the booze on his breath. Wrinkling my nose, I waved it away.
“Well mission accomplished, hehe.” I giggled as he smiled drunkenly. “So what’s happening?”
“Well, Frankie told me they are going to have a few dances, and then they will have a vote for the prom king and queen. I put in a vote for Rainbow Dash and Rarity.” He snickered, finding this funny for some reason.
“I don't get it?” I scrunched up my muzzle in confusion.
“Well first off, they are both girls, and second, I voted Dash as Queen, and Rarity as King!” Giggling stupidly he rocked back in his chair, almost falling over.
“Hehe, that would be funny if Rarity had to act like a stallion, since she’s always so prissy and ladylike. And Rainbow hates acting like a girl! It’s brilliant!” I laughed along with him.
“Yea, and there are supposed to be some other things happening, but Frankie says they are a suprise He shrugged, then pointed to the stage where things were underway.
“Ladies and gentlemen, ponies and humans, I would like to thank you all for coming.” Frankie spoke into a microphone as everyone gave him their attention. “We will be having a round of dances, followed by a few awards for best costume, best couple, and such. And seeing as this is the most evil day of the year, Prom Night,” This received both cheer, and laughs as he paused, waving down the crowd. “Yes, Prom Night, where even the evil popular people pretend to be pretty! Anyway, we will of course have a Prom King, and Prom Queen, so be sure to cast your votes!” This got some more cheers.
“What about a vote for Prom Drag Queen?” Somepony shouted from the crowd.
“Oh, is that what you are dressed as tonight, Jack? You shoulda wore more makeup. And damn man, shave your legs next time!” Everypony laughed at the guy, dressed as some sort of sexually ambiguous pirate, that had asked the question as he gave everypony a pair of middle fingers in response. I heard Louis guffaw behind me.
“So anyway, if the DJ will do the honor or doing what he’s being paid for, lets get this party started!” With a cheer from the crowd, the music started back up, and Frankie jumped down off the stage.
“So, wanna trot on the floor, little filly?” I turned around to see Louis finishing his drink as he winked at me.
“Oh Louis, here in public? That would be so kinky!” I replied on my most sultry voice, which I had learned from Rarity. I then giggled as his eyes grew wide and his face red. It was too bad he had finished the drink, as I am sure it would have made for an awesome spit take.
“I meant dance, dammit!” he shook his head and I stood up, offering him my hoof.
“Of course you did, hehe. Lets show them how it’s done!” I grinned as we strutted to the dance floor, and proceeded to get our groove on.
A few hours passed, and it was nearly midnight. Me and Louis had showed off our dance moves. More than a few were surprised that a pony could dance so well with a human, but we made the magic happen. We especially got some cheers for reenacting the dance scene from the Tarantino film, Trash Fiction. What can I say, Louis really knows how to shake his booty!
Finally the awards were announced, and Dash managed to get the best costume award, which really upset Rarity. Of course, she started to giggle again as they actually won the award for best couple, alongside Dash. Dash’s pegasus friend seemed to laugh even harder when Rainbow yelled that she and Rarity were NOT a couple. Her blush made me wonder though.
And after all the excitement died down, Frankie took the stage once again. The dramatic lighting came back and the spotlight aimed a double barrel at him as somepony, err, somehuman dressed in a giant chicken suit pushed a cart with a box on it on stage.
“And here we have it folks! Finally the moment you have all been waiting for, some of you since the last prom...” Some chuckles rolled through the crowd at this. “The votes are in, and now it’s time to announce this year’s Prom King and Queen!” More cheering filled the auditorium and everyone clapped or clopped as Frankie did a victory pose.
Finally, the girl wearing the chicken suit handed him an envelope, which he waved over his head, before holding it to his forehead. “I see... a pony, a pussy, and something pink!” Again, everyone laughed, and a few eyes turned my way. Frankie quickly tore open the envelope, and pulled out the card inside. He gazed over the crowd, a silly grin on his face. I felt a bead of sweat drip down my face as the tension built.
Suddenly, Frankie grinned and looked right at our table as he yelled into the microphone, “Congratulations, Pinkie Pie and Louis Morgan! You are this year’s Prom King and Queen!”
The twin spotlights spun to focus on me and Louis, and we both blinked into the glare. I heard a groan from Louis, but I was too overwhelmed by the shock to care or notice. The crowd cheered as we blinked into the glare, and the reality sank in that one of my dreams was finally coming true. Not only was I at the prom, but I had been voted by all my friends to be the Prom Queen!
“Aww fuck!” Louis on the other hand was far from happy with the outcome. I didn't let him ruin the moment however, and grabbed him by his sleeve as I dragged him towards the stage. I heard him muttering darkly under his breath, but he still followed me as we walked on stage, the spotlights following our every move.
Suddenly, my tail began to twitch, and I looked up, not seeing anything. I looked around, only seeing the crowd of humans and ponies cheering us on. Louis looked resigned to his fate as he stared at me in annoyance. “Twitchy tail!” I hissed at him.
“What? What’s wrong, I thought you wanted this?” He glared back at me.
“My tail is twitching, Louis! Twitchy-twitcha-a-twitch! Something is gonna fall!” I suddenly remembered I had never told him about my Pinkie Sense, not really. For some reason it rarely went off here on Earth, so I never had a reason to bring it up. Suddenly it was going crazy!
“Seriously, Pinkie? I don’t care how much your ass is twitching, I’m not into it. And now is not the time to be bring it up.” He shrugged and rolled his eyes. “You can have a kiss, on stage, for the crowd, but that's it.”
“No, nonono, no! My Pinkie Sense tells me when stuff is gonna happen, and right now it says something is gonna fall!” I desperately looked around, but the crowd was getting restless as we argued.
“Aww, don’t look now, but it looks like there may be some trouble in paradise! Are the two love birds having second thoughts?” Frankie’s amplified voice snapped Louis out of his funk, and reminded him that we were literally in the spotlight.
“Dammit, Pinkie! Everyone is watching us! Now get control of your ass, and let’s get this over with.” Louis growled, and actually grabbed my reins, leading me along to the stage. Surprisingly, the bridle acted like a real one, and the pressure on my jaw made me move forward without thinking. I blinked as the twitching got worse, and tried to balk, but Louis looked determined to get to the stage.
“But Louis! Something is gonna... fall?” I blinked and looked around, as I saw hundreds of balloons start to drift down around us. I felt a grin spread on my face and I laughed as I realized that something really was falling. Lots of somethings! I perked up my ears, and happily trotted past a startled Louis, as the averted crisis triggered a happy mood swing. “Oops, I guess it was a false alarm!”
Louis just sighs, and we start up the steps to the stage. Everypony cheers again as we approach the mic where the stage has been cleared. A small arch of flowers is wheeled out behind us, looking like a giant horseshoe, and Louis glares at Frankie.
“You planned this shit, didn't you?” I could see his eye twitch as he stared down his friend. “Nice fuckin winner’s circle.” I looked back again and realized that the flowers did indeed look like a winner circle from a horse race.
“Hah, it was Rarity’s idea. She was telling me about how Pinkie never got to go to her Prom, and whipped up the props. You shoulda seen the look on your faces!” Frankie laughed and turned to the crowd. “Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, your new King and Queen!”
More cheers rocked the room, and I felt warmth starting in my chest and spreading out. I didn't care that it was all made up. I was at the prom, and I was voted Queen! It was a dream come true, and when I looked up, I saw Louis gazing down at me. His face softened as he looked at me, and he began to smile as well. He must have seen how happy I was. Suddenly, I felt somepony next to me, and a large garland of flowers was being lowered over my head. The girl in the chicken suit winked at me and smiled, and my vision blurred as tears filled my eyes, flowing down my face.
For a few brief moments, everything in the world was good. Louis raised his arms over his head, and the crowd hooted. A moment later, the chicken girl was back with the rolling cart, and I saw two crowns on a cushion. We both bowed our heads, as Frankie and the girl crowned the two of us, and the crowd got even louder.
Finally, I looked over to see Louis kneeling down next to me, and my heart stopped a moment as I remembered his promise. I closed my eyes and leaned forward, as he cradled my head and pulled me into a tender kiss. The world seemed to stop, and my heart raced, and the sounds of the room fell away. The sounds of the crowd faded until all I could hear was the wild beating of my own heart.
And then suddenly it was over, and Louis was booping me on the nose with a finger. “Don't read anything into that. We are still just friends, okay?” He grinned at me, and the room was filled with jeers and wolf whistles, but I didn't care. I had everything I had ever wanted, and I could not possibly be any happier.
And then my tail twitched. It twitched hard. It felt like my tail was trying to jump off and run away. Louis saw the look on my face as my eyes widened in horror, and we both looked up just in time to get a face full of red liquid. It cascaded down, covering us both, and I cringed, closing my eyes tight. The entire room was dead silent as only the sound of dripping could be heard. Finally I opened my eyes to look over at Louis, and saw the look of utter fury on his face.
“What the FUCK!” he roared.
And then my tail twitched again.
“No!” I cried, just as a bucket fell from the rafters, and landed with a loud thunk on Louis’ head. I saw his eyes roll into his head, and he dropped like a sack of stale cupcakes.
That’s when the laughing began. Slow at first, a few snickers, one chuckle, and maybe a guffaw. Above us I heard a muttered “Oops!”, but I was too distracted to look up. As the redness dripped over my coat, a redness of another kinda filled my vision, and I felt my mane go limp. And then I started to remember...
“Red. I shoulda known it’d be red.” Bitterly the voice came from behind me, as I looked into the mirror.
“They are pink, momma. Just like my mane. I needed to make some saddle bags to carry my stuff.” I turned to see my mother glaring at me coldly.
“And where exactly do you think you are going, young filly?” Her stern look and sharp frown made me flinch.
“I-I’m going to throw a party. Some of the other fillies and colts asked me to throw one, so we can have some fun.” I sighed, preparing myself for another fight. “We talked about this, Momma. It’s my calling. My cutie mark and special talent is to make ponies laugh.”
“It’s Discord’s work, that’s what it is!” Bitterly growling at me, I flinched again at the hatred in her voice. “You go out there and make a fool of yourself, and they all laugh at you. No order, no harmony, just foolishness and the evil of Discord!” She stepped towards me, and tried to grab my bags off of my back. “I won’t have it! We will stay here, and we will pray. Pray to the Makers to forgive us for your sins and falling to the will of Discord!”
I danced out of reach of her hooves, and took a deep breath. “No momma. I am not gonna pray, and I am not staying here with you. I... I have decided that I am gonna move out.”
“What?” Screeching, she took a step back and put a hoof over her heart. “Where are you gonna go, you stupid child? You gonna live in the streets? Or will you lift your tail like a whorse and trick some colt into taking care of you?” She huffed and stomped her hoof. “No, you will not leave. You will pray for forgiveness. The evil of Discord is in you, child, and you will pray to the Makers that they cleanse you of his taint!”
I felt tears starting to form, as I knew this would be the last time I saw my momma. After tonight, there was no turning back.
“No, Momma. I am going to live with Granny Pie. She offered to take me in, and teach me how to use my special talent. She will teach me how to make ponies laugh.” My voice trembled as i tried to stand firm.
In response, my mother let out an ear splitting screech. “Noo! I have told you before, you will never mention the name of that witch in my house! Discord cursed that woman, and this family will have no part of her madness!”
“Momma! Granny is not a witch! She is good, and kind, and she is just like me!” The tears were flowing freely, and I was having trouble seeing. I sniffed and wiped my nose on my fetlock before continuing. “Granny has a great gift that flows in our veins. I looked it up, and the Pie family was once great and powerful, going back to chancellor Puddinghead. It’s just recessive genes that the power passed over you, but it was passed on to me through your blood!”
“Speak not your lies, demon! I know the way of the Makers, and reject the evil of Discord!” Growling, my mother approached me, stalking me like a timberwolf as I backed away. “I knew I should have given you up when you were born. I have had three blessed daughters, normal and grey. Then I give birth to an unholy abomination like you! Pink? PINK! You are no child of mine, and I should have let the nurses keep you when you were born.”
“Momma, please don't say that!” I blubbered, finally falling to my knees in despair. “I love you momma! Why can’t you just love me and be happy for me? just want to make other ponies happy!”
“Yes! Make them laugh. They will all see you as the pathetic mad fool, and they will laugh at you. THEY’RE ALL GONNA LAUGH AT YOU!” She screamed, inches from my face. Finally I broke, and grabbed my saddlebags before bolting out of the door. As I ran off into the approaching dusk, I heard my mother’s screaming madly that they would only laugh at me, and I would be punished for my sins. It would be the last thing I ever heard her say.
As I opened my eyes, the red haze covered everything. Red, red, red. It dripped off of my coat and mane, and clouded my vision. I looked down and saw the blood as is glistened wetly, and stained my pink coat. I looked over and saw the red stain as it spread around Louis like a slow flood of death. It splattered his face and costume, and spread father in a puddle around his head. The horror of what lay before me sent shivers down my spine, and made my mane crawl. I was so close, so close to the one I loved. I was happy. Not happy because of others, but for the first time I was truly happy for myself. I had gotten a kiss from the one I loved, and been crowned Queen of the prom. All my hopes and dreams were complete, and within my grasp.
And it was all snatched away.
That’s when I heard it. The Laughter. I heard them all laughing, laughing at me. Most of my life I had tried every day to make others laugh, to make them happy. The one time I was truly happy myself, and it was all snatched away in a moment.
And they were laughing. Laughing at me. At me...
I looked up. The crowd of ponies and humans were all cackling wildly at me and my pain. And I remembered. “They’re all gonna laugh at you!”
And then I felt it. Something broke. Not just broken, but broke free. Released from the cage I had kept it in all my life. The power I had learned to keep hidden surged forth, and demanded release. And I let it free...
With a twitch, the doors all slammed shut. Loud clangs echoed and stopped them from laughing as some realized that something was wrong. I felt a manic grin slowly spread across my face, stretching from ear to ear, and more of them stopped laughing, some even stepped back in fear. With another switch, and a flick of my ear, there was a deafening bang, and the smell of ozone filled the air as all the door locks welded shut at once. Sparks flew, and ignited nearby decorations.
“Rarity, what the fuck? I thought ponies couldn't do magic!” Frankie cried out in fear, turning to my old friend.
“This isn't magic, I’m afraid. Not the normal kind at least. Then again this is Pinkie Pie. She has always been... different.” Rarity stepped back, fear showing in her voice as she tried to rationalize what was happening.
No, this wasn't any common unicorn magic. This was my legacy. This was my curse. This was my power, passed from mother to daughter through the Pie family line. They all laughed at me, and they would all pay.
“Stop LAUGHING AT ME!” I roared. I felt the power flow up from the earth, and into my hoofsies. The room dimmed and turned red, and I knew they were glowing. That’s when they all realized it was time to run. But too late. Far too late. They had taken my Louis from me, and laughed at my pain. They would all pay.
They’re all gonna laugh at you!
Not for long.
My mane itched, and my ear flicked, as my smile grew impossibly wider. The flames shot higher and started to engulf the walls. Screams, sweet screams filled the air.
“STOP LAUGHING AT ME!” I screamed, and the power pulsed. Bodies flew like confetti, and broke like pinatas against the walls. Those that lived were burned by the flames, and everywhere the blood flowed like molten candy. The screams went on, as people and ponies beat on the doors, but nothing would budge. They were trapped like cookies in a jar, as a mighty hoof came down to crush them one by one.
Chairs and tables flew, striking indiscriminately, causing some to scream, while others were silenced forever. The laughs had stopped, but the screams took their place, and the power fed on the blood of the fallen as...
*CRACK!*
“Owie!” Pain lanced through my muzzle, and the red haze fell away. I blinked, looking up into the face of Louis, looking worried and more than a little angry.
“You’ve been watching horror movies on Webflix again, haven’t you?” he fumed, pointing a finger at me.
I felt my face flush and I averted my gaze. “I may have watched a Stevie Queen marathon last night. Ya’know, to get ready for the holiday.”
Looking around I saw the room back to normal. No fire, no blood, no bodies. Just the worried faces of people and ponies looking up at me. I saw Rainbow Dash and a Griffon hovering above the crowd, and I recognized her friend Gilda looking at me with worry.
“What happened?” I blinked again, rubbing at my face, seeing my hoof come away bloody. “The blood! So much blood!” I gasped and started shaking.
Slowly, with a very unamused face, Louis reached up and ran his hand along my muzzle. I was in too much shock to enjoy the contact, and I flinched as he brought his hand to his face and tasted the crimson liquid.
“It’s punch, Pinkie. Fuck, all that booze wasted.” he turned to glare at Dash and Gilda, who dropped out of the air to hide in the crowd.
“Punch? I stuck out my tongue, and licked the end of my muzzle. Fruity flavor immediately assaulted my mouth, before a warm tingle made it feel slightly numb. Yup, it was some seriously spiked punch! “Oh, umm.. oops?” I giggled and started to blush. “What happened?”
“DASH! Front and center, NOW!” Louis bellowed, never taking his eyes off my face. In a blur, Dash was next to him, looking a bit worried. “Explain.” His tone of voice brooked no argument.
“Umm, well. You see, my friend Gilda is in town visiting, and I told her all about Halloween, and doing pranks. We came up with this cool prank from a movie we watched, but there is no way I was gonna kill a pig for it’s blood, no matter how much she called me a dweeb. So we decided to dump the punch on whoever was prom queen and watch them freak out.” She giggled, and pointed at Pinkie. “Oh man, you had the mother of all freakouts! We thought you were having a seizure. That was more epic than the time I dumped slugs on Rarity!”
“What?! That was you?” Rarity bellowed from the dance floor.
Dash’s eyes went wide, and her pupils shrank to pinpricks, as she realized that the microphone was broadcasting everything. “Oh buck me. Gottago!” and in a blur she was gone, leaving behind a black wig and a rainbow blur in the air before me. I saw Gilda put something over her head, and immediately turn into the pegasus I had seen earlier, before following Dash’s trail out the door.
“Oh, maybe I overreacted a teensy bit. But I saw you get hit with the bucket, and I thought you were dead! I just lost it...” Sniffing, I looked at him with tears in my eyes.
“This thing? Meh, it clocked me good, but no more damage than a night of binge drinking.” He held up a plastic bucket, before tossing it aside. “Really Pinkie, you had us worried.” Shrugging, he hopped off the stage, everypony making room, before holding out a hand to help me down. I happily hopped into his arms and then he set me down gently.
“Sorry about the outfits, Rarity. Mind helping Pinkie get cleaned up, while I take care of mine?” He waved my friend over.
“Oh think nothing of it Darling! I can make you more outfits to use at home after the party. I dare say that I can make you some real costumes as well, if you two are into that sort of thing.” She put a hoof across my shoulders and led me away.
“Wait, what?” I pondered as Pinkie and her friend wandered off. “What sort of thing?”
I looked around and saw the rest of the party staring at me. “What the fuck are you all looking at? Never seen a lawn jockey wearing pink?” I then strutted off and found the bathroom to clean up.
Later that night, as me and Pinks were getting home, and I had the chance to get a real shower, I thought more about what had happened. I came out of the bathroom dressed like a Greek god in only my towel, and Pinkie was sitting on the couch wearing a towel turban on her head.
“Pinkie, that was definitely one of the best nights I’ve had in awhile. Thanks.” I grinned and sat down next to her. She giggled and immediately leaned against me.
“Yea, pranks aside, that was one of the best for me. Especially the kiss.” Her voice got real soft and I felt the need to shake the mood.
“I told you, we are still friends. But I’m glad you enjoyed it.” I sighed. Tell me though, that the hell was your friend talking about the costumes?
“Oh that, she made em for us. There was a letter with it too.” Pointing at the nearby table, I saw a piece of old fashioned parchment on it.
As I picked it up and started to read, I felt the blood drain from my face.
Dearest Pinkie Pie,
I am so delighted to hear that you have finally settled down and found yourself a special somepony. Or should we call him your special somehuman? Anyway, I just wanted to congratulate you, and send my best wishes for the both of you. I do hope that you will be attending the little holiday event that Rainbow Dash has talked me into. She has me creating some ridiculous outfits so that we may match. I honestly cannot understand that mare, sometimes.
Since I was already making costumes, I decided to make a little something special for you and your human, and did some research into some cosplay gear. If your special energy and beauty does not do the trick, I am sure that these outfits will help to add a little spice to your bedroom adventures. Do be sure to tell me how you both like them. If they work out well, I may be adding them to my new line of adult themed garments, for interspecies couples.
But remember, you got them first! Farewell for now, and I hope to see you soon.Your Fabulous Friend,
Rarity
As felt the letter flutter out of my grasp, and my eye began twitch as the realization dawned on me. We had spent the entire night dressed up in pony fetish gear. Suddenly all the offhanded comments about being in public came rushing back.
“What’s wrong Louis?” Pinkie looked up at me, with total innocence in her gaze.
“I think I need a drink...” was all I could force out as I turned on my heel and stalked towards the bedroom.