• Member Since 26th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

Handyman


No bio for you good sir

T

Handy is not a happy man at the best of times.

He was even less happy to find himself in an alien world that offended the very laws of physics and got injured for his own stubborn refusal to accept the obvious path fate had apparently laid out for him.

For his trouble he is now on a journey, with the long term goal of finding his way back home, only to find himself involved in plots and machinations so far above his head and cares that he quickly becomes a pawn in a game played by powers who care not for his well-being.

Quite like his life back on Earth if you think about it.

Needless to say, Handy does not care for any of it. He is much more preoccupied with the more immediate and pressing mundane concerns of day to day life a human needs to worry about while in Equestria.

Obtaining a new pair of shoes for example.

All this and one almighty hangover, what's the worst that could happen?

Rated teen for harsh language and minor violence

Proofread by JBL, Jude and Usurper

Chapters (72)
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Comments ( 5080 )

Interested to see where it goes.

Fucking lovely Monday this bastard has had, bah ha ha ha. Fucking brilliant, just enough pain and narcissism to make it just that extra fucking believable.

Good to hear you guys enjoy it so far, I'm really trying to play up Handy's rationalization and fear, HiE usually has the human far too readily accept that he is in a world where everything he though he knew about the universe is wrong.

In some cases demonstrably so.

Sunbutt for instance.

This story is awesome. Well written with memorable characters.

The part with the cockatrice was hilarious. And if they were to meet again some time in the future, say for a rematch. I'd very much like that.:moustache:

Beaten, utterly defeated, pinned against the ground, facing an angry goddess who is restraining her desire to turn him into a red stain in the paviment... and yet he is smiling at her.
I love this guy.

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I wouldn't be adversed to such an arrangement.

Ok. This story is growing on me a bit.

And Handy's wrath shall be terrible indeed!
Btw, did he do something like The Stare back With Rex? Or is this something completely different that will return later in the story?

And releasing that voice will of course have no repercussions at all, right? Right? :trollestia:

Anyway, liking the way this story is going so far. Really great story telling. You manage to make the characters believable and likable.
A good amount of drama, comedy, adventure and romance. Keep up the good work.

Have a moustache for your efforts. :moustache:

I can certainly say what passed between Rex and Handy had nothing to do with Fluttershy's Stare.

Heh, gotta say, I like this story so far. Good chapter btw, nice comedy.

Hm, how about making Handy meet Trixie?

Also, let Joachim and Handy wander into a city when heat season is on, making them have to hide from the masses of mares like in 'The Walking Dead'.

“We…” Handy said, a shocked expression on his face, as far as he knew, that was actually one of the bigger questions about the evolution of homo sapiens, why exactly did we lose almost all of our hair? “We… Don’t know actually. It’s one of our mysteries.”

Our ancestors were persistent hunters in the African Savanna. We dropped the fur to be able to sweat and regulate better our loss of inner heat, very useful when running after the prey, sometimes miles of distance. We use clothes to protect ourselves in colder climate areas, and our pudeness may be related to the fact we cannnot hide our "things" under the coat or sheats like ponies and griffin do.
Not so difficult, Handy.:twilightsmile:

Comment posted by Handyman deleted Feb 16th, 2014

This is a great story!:pinkiehappy:

Hope You continue it.

Handy, the dragon slayer!
He managed to get out of that predicament, to bad Chrysalis had the last laugh in the end there. :trollestia:

3970470 I will be, however not for some time, all the chapters from chapter 3 onwards are in serious need of proofreading so I can fix all the greivous gramme rand spelling errors that have been bugging me before I continue.

Oh my, what has happened here?

Just barely escaping dying of dehydration in the badlands, Handy ends up in a backwater frontier town, where he ends up confronting a maddened Minotaur.
This leads to him seemingly getting embroiled in the business of a noble griffin, which may lead him into another disaster altogether.

And meanwhile, in the shadows, the group who pulled him into this world finally know his whereabouts.

And Luna is still hot on his trails, eventhough it seems like his blood may be a drug to her guards.

Luckily Handy is about to upgrade his equipment a bit, with some full plate armor!


How will this lead to Handy cursing the universe once more?

FInd out, in the next Bad Mondays! :trollestia:

I must say I'm really surprised this story hasn't received more attention, it's really rather good. :twilightoops:

Well, as usual a great chapter, and you churn them out fast. Looking forward to the next!

gross incandescence

He's Solaire now, huehuehue.

or B) Sparkle like a faggot.

I can see a potential use for this, just like I could use the blinding effect as a weapon.

He was left standing there trying to calmly reassure a blubbering blacksmith that she was, in fact, not worst pony.

Hell, he'd better be. I'd pay a metric fuckton to have armor like that, even if I looked like a sparkling faggot on top of being the largest target on a battlefield.

reserve shitlist for potential shitlisters.

I need this.

You know, as a purely precautionary measure.

Always have a plan, a backup plan, and a backup backup plan.

I am honestly wondering if he's going to blind with his armor as a fighting tactic now that I've pointed that little bit out...

you know, i want to make a 'Zombie Survival Guide' reference here, but im not sure how id relate it to your chapter...

3988396 Go ahead, I'm curious as to what reference you'd make

And this is where you, dear reader, discover that the expensive brick is an asshole. And you will love him for it.

I thought he was narrating his adventures to Luna :rainbowhuh:

3990681 My apologies, the hint at the prologue is not him recounting his tale to Luna, but rather a snapshot of the future. The narrator is talking to you, personally, as the reader, not Luna.

3990135 sorry, cant think of a way to make the reference make sense and still be funny. also i seem to have lost my copy. sadface

..... how the hell is 9,000 words a chapter, little. :rainbowhuh:

3992211 Little by my standards.

Damn, was hoping he'd cave in a pony head or two or at least rip that ones throat out entirely... drinking his freaking blood.... that's freaking akin to rape imo.

Either way, amazing action scene. One of the best I've read on fimfiction.

Well I enjoyed it. There were a few errors here and there especially near the end. But nothing major.

Still had fun reading it though!

I cannot imagine the shitstorm that is going to be unleashed in Canterlot:
-The batpony guard commanded an unathorized assault against a gryphon diplomatic group, which included a cancellor and a prince, without orders from her superiors, and she drinked blood from the human bodyguard.
-The human blood seems to power up creatures like batponies. Problem is, he drinks blood from them too.
-Handy was suspected of being in connivance with griffin and changelings. Now, there is a misterious third party with strange magic who also wants a piece of him.

A bad monday for being Luna, it seems.:scootangel:

i can not wait for the next chapter, this is one of the greatest human in equestria stories I have read.

Holy shit...

So not only did Handy here beat the ever-loving hell out of the guards, he also drank some of their blood, and destroyed an elemental. And the guards still want to go after him? Not to mention the political ramifications of attacking a Prince and Count of the Griffon royalty. Oh lord, Celestia is going to be drowning herself in tea.

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Glad you guys approved of this chapter, I was actually kind of worried I went overboard even though I had been building up elements for a confrontation like this for the past few chapters.

3997122 I particularly liked the whole 'drink vampony blood, get super powers' bit.

3997126 A bit of world of darkness inspiration there, I'll admit.

aww FINAlly! those chump mane 6 will get a hell of a thrill ride

Chrysalis´s letter in the end as too much :rainbowlaugh:
And that´s how Handy drived the princess of Equestria into alcoholism.

P.E: So, the guy is a vampire, sparkles... and yet is a badass :applejackconfused:?

3998470 Handy could kick the Cullens's ass with both arms and a leg out of order. Without his armor on.

Handy is not a badass, he is THE badass!

I have not read the letter yet, however.... I see fun events in his future.

is handy's ability just leftovers from breaking the ghost out and then his subsequent wish?

3999629 No.

To clarify: Handy's fortuitous power up in the previous chapter was a combination of factors, his own adled mind from having suffered severe head injury coupled with severe, truamatic blood loss, the magical effects of the salamander salve being ingested which caused a rather extreme mental and physical reaction further unhinging Handy further and altering the magical effects the vampony bite had and then the clincher; the vampony blood itself which he consumed. Had Handy been in his right mind he'd never have even considered taking the blood which had an extreme effect on him for reasons literally no one understands at present and won't for some time, but its going to have severe consequences that I'll explore in the coming chapter.

The deal he made with the spirit in the cave of diamonds was just for the terms expressed, break the stone, the spirit saves them, which it did, the spirit isn't going to go out of its way to interpret the deal more liberally in Handy's favour, what kind of salesman would that make him? He's out for profit.

The abilities the armour is expressing is nothing to do with Handy himself, and everything to do with the alterations Grave Danger made to it. I am usually careful to foreshadow or justify events before they come into motion so hopefully when people spot something questionable, I have something to point back to to prove I was not just pulling something out of my ass. Such as I did with leaving the effects Handy's blood had on Onyx and Shimmer an open question in an earlier chapter to foreshadow chapter 8's events.

4000573 well i was just thinking there was a ton of magic used so it wouldnt have been far-fetched for handy to have absorbed some.

Chapters, chapters everywhere. I'll be reading this when I'm done with the other one I'm reading ATM.

Well, that was certainly interesting. Handy gets into a lot of weird problems...

my only question is, why cant we thumbs up more?:rainbowhuh:

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