• Member Since 22nd Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Oct 1st, 2018

Dropbear


Are you a Rebel?

T
Source

This story is a sequel to Nigel M Chalmers, Emperor


(15/10/2015) Turned status back to incomplete pending an Epilouge and Alternate Endings chapter as per comment suggestions.

After being banished by Celestia for his misdeeds, the alien Emperor of the Crystal Empire is back... and out for revenge.

Emperor Chalmers is not a happy space man. After being stabbed in the back by Equestria, he was sent to the depths of the Underworld. Kicked out for causing too much trouble for the wardens, Nigel now has the chance to take back his empire and show Celestia just how disappointed he is with her.

This time things will be different. This time he has friends.

Chapters (15)
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Comments ( 1471 )
Comment posted by Lord Commissar Alexer deleted Jun 10th, 2014

I believe that this will do quite nicely :moustache:

DROPBEAR! WHAT THE FU:yay: MAN!

20k WORDS?! ARE YOU A WIZARD?! :pinkiegasp:

Just read a part with teleporters and orthadoxes.... Swear to god if this becomes like savior or destroyer on the part where they get SHIT TONS OF HUMANS, I will be very disappointed, and a little bit mad. :ajbemused:

*edit*
Oh it's just THOSE 3 people.... OK, that is pretty awesome.... Just keep the whole fleet out of it, aight?

Literally best story series ever. keep up the good work

IT BEGINS.
IT FUCKING BEGINS.

FINALLY I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS AND IT WAS BETTER THAN I HOPED IT WOULD BE

LOLOLOLOL!!! Subject dubbed "Crazy Flying Rainbow Horse" :rainbowlaugh:

Already awesome! Now I'm just hoping the story won't involve a giant human fleet again

So many words. I was expecting a 3000 word prologue maybe.

Dropbear my fine man you have outdone yourself.

I'm fucking reading up for my exam tomorrow. This will have to wait till later.. FUCK!

“Psionic Warfare Officer Elijah is annoyed by my notations,

I think you mean James.

Omg its here gonna read the fuck out of this.

I cant believe i recognised it just by the brief description XD.

Yesyesysyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesnoyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!
(\_/)
(0.0)
c(")(")- yes bunny.

Oh god, yes! xD

Ha not Richard but second shoot for his fleet was successful.

th06.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2013/079/6/b/art_by_wripple-d5yqpq5.png

And that ending was just great :D


Hahahaha instantly featured

Gahahahaha! OH BUCKING YES! GAHAHAHAHA! PURE. SWEET. REVENGE. GAHAHAHAHA! GREATEST SEQUEL EVER! ALL HAIL THE RETURNING EMPEROR! MAY EQUESTRIA BURN FOR IT'S CRIMES!

Found an error in your chapter

“Oh, rioting, assassination attempts and plots to bring down the government.” He wiped a tear from his eye while facing Elijah and Orthodox. “What did I tell you guys? My subjects adore me.”

“It appears so,” James agreed. “It’s one of the rare cases where you’re liked and not seen as a plague upon existence.”

Nigel sent James upstairs, so he couldn't be there. wanna fix that mistake?

Now that I've gobbled up everything in record timje, I gotta say my expectations were proven wrong. And oh my bloody God, that made it so much more satisfying!

So things were going to shit not just in the Empire? Interesting, I didn't think the other nations would react the way they did, burning bridges like that. Good to see they aren't as passive as the usual fanfic fare, that shows some nice forethought on your part, Bear. And there's the matter of Luna's aloofness too. Dissidences within the Kingdom? Man, this will be a handful to exploit, though she may be a bit incensed that Twilight is under Nigel's footsole, as well-treated as she will remain if well-behaved. Then again, seems like Celestia is the impulsive one here.
Nigel seems to have gotten smarter and even more devious since his jail time, but we have Orthodox's extra hot blood to make up for his lack of berserk, so until now all is good. That said, I think he got a turn for the better, which impressed me - I like to think of myself as rational and level-headed, but even I couldn't see Celestia's minions as just that: minions, and not co-horts.
The retaking of the Empire was bloodless, calm and could even be considered civil in most real life countries. I don't know whether to be impressed that Nigel had the cool head to think it up, or that an ISA squad managed to pull it off so nice and clean. One less point for Equestria's oh so competent Royal Guard, it seems. The mane six going on a visit and getting themselves held hostage surprised me as well, but it's far from being implausible, moreso because you rationalized it thoroughly enough. Cadance as the poster girl for Chalmers' return was something I was indeed thinking of, but the execution of it both makes a hell of a lot of sense and is more gut-bustingly hilarious than a Splatterhouse-style present. Not to mention the temperate attitude will sure earn the Empire brownie points for reasonability when it comes to griffons, zebras and others.

I'll post the other part in another chapter. This is becoming a wall of text already.

Now for the flaws, it's 100% execution-related thus far. You forgot a lot of words, there are missing quote marks like at the part where Nigel proposes the hot bath with wine to Reflection...

... and finally, I'll give you a fairly long correction on your maniacal vice of subordinate clauses and perspective-based paragraph breaks.
Here is what you wrote:

“You’re not going to just kill the guards?” Cadence spoke up terrified, all eyes turning to her.

“What do you think I am, a barbarian?” Nigel huffed while placing a hand on his chest. “I’m going to let them go. After stripping them of their armour and any valuables of course.” Orthodox grinned and put up a hand.

“I claim one of the helmets!” he demanded, Cadence glancing up at Nigel with hope.

“Are you going to let me and Shining go as well?” she asked hopefully. She shrank back as Nigel and Reflection fixed her with glares, the changeling’s far more venomous than the Emperor’s.

“No way!” Reflection snarled. “Not after you ordered your patsies to feed me that gem! You knew how much it meant to me!” Cadence broke down into tears, Shining hugging her as she wept.

“I thought I was helping!” she sobbed, Reflection’s gaze not letting up.

“I’m not going to kill or hurt you,” Nigel reassured before winking at a surprised Reflection. “By that I mean I’m not going to hurt you physically at least.” Cadence stopped crying but stared up at him terrified.

“What do you mean by that?”

And here is how it's worded, with both issues fixed:

“You’re not going to just kill the guards?” Cadence spoke up terrified.

All eyes turned to her. “What do you think I am, a barbarian?” Nigel huffed while placing a hand on his chest. “I’m going to let them go. After stripping them of their armour and any valuables of course.”

Orthodox grinned and put up a hand. “I claim one of the helmets!” he demanded.

Cadence glanced up at Nigel with hope. "Are you going to let me and Shining go as well?” she asked hopefully.

She shrank back as Nigel and Reflection fixed her with glares, the changeling’s far more venomous than the Emperor’s. “No way!” Reflection snarled. “Not after you ordered your patsies to feed me that gem! You knew how much it meant to me!”

Cadence broke down into tears, Shining hugging her as she wept. “I thought I was helping!” she sobbed. Reflection’s gaze did not let up.

“I’m not going to kill or hurt you,” Nigel reassured before winking at a surprised Reflection. “By that I mean I’m not going to hurt you physically at least.”

Cadence stopped crying but stared up at him terrified. “What do you mean by that?”

See? You don't have to place every second verb you use in present continuous just to make longer sentences (that's called "gerundism" and is HIGHLY frowned upon in any good literature circle), and you break paragraphs when it's time for the narrative to focus on the actions or observations of an entirely different character, and that doesn't necessarily mean that you need a paragraph break; in fact, sometimes it's essential not to have a break. By the way, the very same gerundism, in your efforts to shove everything into one single sentence, muddies the waters. So pay attention to that and see if it's interfering - if it is, axe it.

Back a while ago I'd gladly offer you my services as an editor for this story, but fuck me I barely have time to even glance at my own stories. Maybe a few months down the line I'll PM you revised versions of the first chapters of either The Fall Of The Caribou or Nigel M. Chalmers, Emperor, both of which suffer through the exact same problems as this story. If you're interested, of course.

It's...... Beautiful!!!!!

Finished, and by God it's amazing. So fuckin amazing it hurts! :fluttershbad: And no human fleet! Double the awesome! *insert Luna here*
Speaking of Luna, I wonder how she's gonna react to him coming back.... :rainbowderp:

Anyway, what's the schedule gonna be for chapters? I feel like I need to know because I want to read it the second it comes out. :pinkiehappy:

Mr. Dropbear, I am quite pleased indeed.
Let the adventure continue! I was so excited to read, I almost forgot to Like and Favorite. Rest assured, this error has been corrected.
I will waste no more of your time. Please continue, my good man!

Happily chuckling as he writes his regards,
-Human

Not one but 4 ISA agents........

I almost feel sorry for equestria...

almost...

FOR THE EMPIRE!

“Crazy Flying Rainbow Horse,” the scientist asked, leaning in further towards the bars with a gleam in his eye. “Are you currently experiencing the emotion known as rage or anger?” Rainbow couldn’t answer, too shocked at the stupid question. The human took her silence for misunderstanding.
“Oh, I’m sorry, let me put it into layman’s terms.” The human showed the slightest smile.
“Are you mad?”

BEST...ENDING...EVER:rainbowlaugh:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. I LOVE YOU FOR MAKING THIS!

Ahem. Excuse me, i just adore this series particular version of the chalmers sories and after the betrayal I have wanted new material soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo badly. I litterally howled, laughed maniacally, and waved my arms like a jester for a minute. Please continue.

Effing hilarious. :rainbowlaugh:

Say what IS Orthodox exactly? I don't think there is a description of his outside his armour.

Gods, it's at least 200% more awesome!

I can't wait for the chapter where the "message" arrives in Equestria.

I'm guessing that the reason the zebras gave in to Luna was that they were hoping to get some protection from Nigel?

Next amusing step - the griffins start fortifying their borders, preparing for war. Their replies to to Canterlot? "You've exiled one ruler and invaded his nation, we know we're next. Quit trying to lie to us."

The buffalo down south begin rebellions against Celestia, the Everfree starts to expand, and life for Celestia just gets worse. Meanwhile, Luna is drifting further and further away, her opinion obvious... "I cannot trust my sister, I am not safe. She'll exile me again, at the slightest whim."

Hopefully, we'll see the day when Celestia comes to the unwelcome conclusion "Maybe I should have let those accursed Elks die. It would have been a small price to pay for peace..."

4527315 Actually there sorta is, it was brief but it was when Nigel and his gal were in their bedroom as she notice his tattoo with the horseman on his chest, including the small story he told her. It was back in the Nigel M Chalmers, Emperor.

Subject, dubbed ‘Crazy Flying Rainbow Horse’ by ISA Agent Orthodox, is currently showing intense signs of irritation and rage towards Lead Researcher Von Barker. Lead Researcher is going to attempt to clarify the situation.”
Rainbow jolted back as the device was pointed towards her, Rainbow not knowing if it was another of the aliens’ strange weapons.
“Crazy Flying Rainbow Horse,” the scientist asked, leaning in further towards the bars with a gleam in his eye. “Are you currently experiencing the emotion known as rage or anger?” Rainbow couldn’t answer, too shocked at the stupid question. The human took her silence for misunderstanding.
“Oh, I’m sorry, let me put it into layman’s terms.” The human showed the slightest smile.
“Are you mad?”

This made my day. :rainbowlaugh:

4527362
And then the Crystal Empire forms a functioning alliance (unlike the UN) with 90% of all of the countries on the planet.

"Are you mad?"

How I saw this in my mind:
static.fjcdn.com/large/pictures/4d/c4/4dc46b_1123152.jpg

Also when next chapter?

I love how backstabbing nigel came back to bite celestia in the ass... and now I'm imagining that literally.

You have pleased me greatly.

That last fucking line, man.

BRILLIANT.

it. is. BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

Can't they just take a diplomatic approach to th-*SMACK*

SHUT UP! YOU RUIN EVERYTHING BY SAYING THOSE THINGS!

“Crazy Flying Rainbow Horse,” the scientist asked, leaning in further towards the bars with a gleam in his eye. “Are you currently experiencing the emotion known as rage or anger?” Rainbow couldn’t answer, too shocked at the stupid question. The human took her silence for misunderstanding.

“Oh, I’m sorry, let me put it into layman’s terms.” The human showed the slightest smile.

“Are you mad?”

digitaltrends.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/you-mad-bro.png
That ending was beautiful. I'm just glad the sequel is here.

:applejackunsure: How will I know that Nigel will keep his word and not harm Twilight and the Mane 6?

I am quite happy that he did not go around killing everyone that was not his subject. It seems a month in hell can give you some perspective, no?

Who needs to kill people with nukes and anti matter bombs when you can just make them laugh until they die from reading this über Hyterically hilarious story.

4526927

I blame being rushed. It's meant to be Elijah.

Why do I keep on getting the two mixed up?

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