Tea and Cake
Captain Strategy trudged through the snow with his escort of four guards beside him, entering the city streets with no-one to meet them. There was only silence as they made their way towards the palace, Strategy not speaking with his subordinates while he trotted on with an occasional shift of the cloth bundle on his back.
‘There was nothing you could have done,’ he silently told himself once again. ‘The Emperor didn’t put up a fight, so he must have a plan of some sort. You have the Heart, once the Crystal Empire is back up and running then you can worry about it.’ He winced, despite the attempt. ‘I wonder how Sparkling and the citizens will react…’
Upon drawing closer to the palace, his ears pricked up as the sound of a large crowd met them. Glancing up at the sun that was steadily dropping in preparation for the cold night, he doubted that much would give cause for a crowd to gather in the streets.
Turning the corner of a street, he first spotted the crowd around the palace and then the park to the left which featured a number of blackened scorch marks in the grass.
‘I suppose that Agent James was taken away as well,’ he guessed, Strategy bracing himself while he continued to trot on.
The crystal ponies and the changelings at the back of the crowd noticed him first, eyes turning on him before he was set upon by a thousand frantic questions. His guards moved forwards and tried to make an effort to shield him, but the few questioners quickly turned into a tide of voices.
“Captain, more humans flew down from the sky!”
“Where’s the Emperor?”
“Is that the Heart? Did we win?”
Strategy didn’t bother to answer, knowing that it was futile. Instead he powered on, moving forwards to reach a line of clearly visible helmets.
“Move aside, let him through!”
The citizens were quickly parted at the female shout, Strategy breathing a sigh of relief when he spotted the line of guards stopping the crowd from swarming the palace. With ponies on the ground and armoured changelings in the air preventing access, the space beyond was clear. Moving quickly, he passed by the line of guards with his own four joining their efforts.
“Captain?” He slowed and turned his head, the bronze mare who had spoken wearing the rank markings of a Lieutenant. “I know it’s a difficult time, but what of the war and of the Emperor and Empress?”
“The town was taken without issue and a deal has been worked out with Equestria. After that, the Emperor and Empress departed with a number of humans.”
‘They were both arrested and dragged off into a ship.’
“He has some things to work out with his species,” Strategy continued. “The Empress left with him to assist, and I’ve been told that they expect to return although it may take some time.” He stopped completely, having almost forgotten one crucial thing.
Taking the bag containing the Crystal Heart, he passed it towards the Lieutenant. She placed it on the snow-covered ground and undid the drawstring with her mouth, her eyes widening at what it held.
“We have the Heart, though. Return it to its podium and ensure that this time it is guarded adequately. Hopefully its return will distract the populace for long enough that I can properly think of a way to explain everything.”
Glancing out at the crowd still demanding answers, the Lieutenant nodded before picking up the sack and placing it onto her back. “Yes, Captain.”
Strategy nodded before continuing on, the four guards at either side of the main castle doors opening them to allow him to enter. He made his way straight to the throne room, spotting Sparkling holding a hushed discussion with three of the palace servants. As he trotted over, his armoured hoof-steps caught her attention and caused her to glance up at him.
“Strategy!”
The relief was evident in her voice, Sparkling hurrying over to throw her forelegs around his neck in a hug.
“Easy there,” he advised, actually smiling for the first time in days. “I’m fine.”
“I wasn’t really worried about that, I knew that nothing would happen to you.” Strategy decided to not to challenge the fib, at least not at the current time. “It’s terrible, these other humans arrived in this flying ship and took Agent James away! They claimed that he was being arrested for something and I swear that there was nothing that I could-“
“I know,” Strategy interrupted. “You did the right thing. The same thing happened to the Emperor and when the Empress intervened, they just took her as well.”
Sparkling’s eyes widened. “The Emperor as well? And Reflection?”
“The Emperor didn’t put up much of a fight, and Reflection made up her own mind on it as well. Given what I gathered, the Lead Researcher has also been taken.”
“Then who is in charge?” she whispered, glancing back at the servants. Taking the hint, the three maids swiftly made their way out of the room.
Strategy grimaced at the query, biting his lower lip.
“Us, I suppose.”
“No, no way,” she said with a shake of her head. “It’s not fair, dumping us with the responsibility during a war with Equestria. We’ve got no Crystal Heart, so that means no food for most of the changelings and with the snowfall we’ll quickly join them in starvation. That means we’ll have to…” Sparkling shuddered. “Surrender to those Princesses and be ruled over by them again. Only this time it will be far worse.”
‘I can’t believe I forgot to tell her,’ Strategy internally chastised, before he raised a calming hoof.
“Relax, it’s not that bad. We easily took the town and worked out a peace deal with the Princesses.” Sparkling’s eyes widened with evident confusion, so he quickly continued to explain. “There was… a slight incident with a few of the griffons that attacked us, but we agreed to cease our attacks in return for the Heart and a promise of no Equestrian interference. The Emperor even managed to retain the captured town and its mines.”
“That’s not that reassuring.” Sparkling frowned, before sighing and making to turn for the dining area. “Come on, I think I need some tea to calm my nerves.”
Strategy followed, tilting his head. “What do you mean? We have a decent amount of leverage over Equestria now, and their Princesses know it’d be a bloodbath for their side if they attack us.”
“That’s true,” Sparkling nodded, both stepping inside of the warm dining area. “But even you have to admit that the main thing they feared was the Emperor. With him gone, what’s to stop them from attempting to overthrow two normal ponies like us?”
“Maybe I can assist with that?”
Both paused at the unfamiliar male voice, Strategy and Sparkling freezing in place when they saw the slender human at the very end of the large table.
A white-gloved hand raised a tea-cup, right as a shaking pair of crystal pony maids trotted towards the two new rulers with apologetic looks.
“We’re sorry,” the emerald-green coated mare apologised. “We don’t know how he got in, and he asked us to not alert the guards.” The maid leaned in, her voice lowering to a whisper. “We weren’t too sure if he was going to stop us if we tried…”
“Please excuse your servants and forgive me for the intrusion,” the human spoke again, Strategy looking up at the man as the tea-cup was lowered to the table. “Although I suppose that you are somewhat used to unexpected actions, given the news I have heard regarding my subordinate’s time as your apparent ‘Emperor’.”
Sparkling gave the newcomer a long examination while she tried to think of something to say.
A deep blue suit was the human’s current attire of choice and despite his sitting position was completely creaseless. A strange badge was pinned to the left side, a small silver skull with a highly stylized third eye on the forehead. The silver of the badge matched the human’s carefully combed mane and trimmed moustache, while the striking green eyes were quite a contrast.
Their unexpected visitor seemed to radiate calm, but despite his completely non-threatening appearance and posture she felt a sense of unease. Some primal instinct in the back of her mind repeated a warning over and over again as his gaze looked her over, but despite it she held her ground and tried to maintain a stoic face. Evidently Strategy got the same feeling, the Captain stepping forwards and moving to place himself between her and the human.
“Don’t be alarmed,” the human spoke again, raising a white-gloved palm up in a placating gesture. “I don’t intend you any ill.” The tea cup was left on the table. “Some introductions are in order, I believe. I am Lord Reginald Edinburgh the Seventh, but you likely know of me as the ‘Assistant Director’.”
“Nigel’s boss,” Sparkling muttered, the Assistant Director nodding with a smile.
“Correct, Miss Sparkling. I am very much indeed responsible for Commander Chalmers, and since it has proved to be such an unusual and… entertaining series of events, I decided to personally attend on behalf of the Organisation.”
“There’s not really any need for…” she paused, narrowing her eyes. “How did you know my name?”
Strategy glanced at her then back to the human, likely sharing her concerns. The Assistant Director merely maintained his smile and took another sip of tea.
“It’s a requirement of my profession to know things, Miss Sparkling, in addition to not divulging just how. All I can say is that we have ways, ways that even Chalmers doesn’t know of.”
At that, Strategy stepped forwards again with a hard look. “How much do you know?”
Sparkling gulped. ‘Oh no, I hope they don’t know anything about the whole Reflection-wedding night business…’
“Enough.” Finishing his tea, Edinburgh placed it down and sat back in the chair. Quickly, the green maid immediately rushed up to take the empty cup. “Please, have a seat, there is much we need to discuss.” Both of them hesitated, glancing towards the only two other chairs set up next to each other. “I insist, I promise that I don’t bite.”
It was then that Sparkling swore that she saw something move to her left, but when she turned her head to look there was nothing but crystal wall.
“I have others that are more than happy to do it for me, anyways.”
She was still staring at the wall, before a nudge from Strategy prompted her to look back at him. Even though he didn’t look too comfortable with the idea himself, he gestured towards the seats and began to trot. Glancing back at the area of suspected movement, Sparkling swallowed the lump in her throat and followed.
The feeling of eyes on her back was something that she was unable to shake off.
Still, Strategy pulled out a chair for her so she really didn’t have much choice but to sit. The one saving grace was that Strategy had sat next to her and chosen the seat closest to the Assistant Director, but it was a minor one.
Once they were seated the human nodded, crossing his fingers and leaning forwards over the table.
“Captain Strategy, Miss Sparkling,” he continued, still smiling. “Firstly, I’d like to apologise for the actions of my subordinate, Commander Chalmers. As you may have noticed recently, he has certain… traits and compulsions that tend to lead to issues for those around him.”
“It’s fine,” Strategy replied steadily. “He’s been the best ruler we’ve had for ages, and it’s thanks to him that we’re no longer enslaved or fearing starvation.” Strategy glanced down at the wooden table and frowned, before looking back up at the Assistant Director. “Because of that, can I ask that you spare him any punishment? I can assure you, I talked with him often and even though he acted as Emperor he had no intention whatsoever of treason against your Empire. He was always-“
“I know that he is loyal,” Edinburgh interrupted with a raised hand. “However, it is not me that has taken issue with that fact.”
“But you’re his boss? What about the imprisoning of Agent James, the Lead Researcher, and Orthodox?”
The Assistant Director shook his head, a slight chuckle sounding before he refocused on them. “Ah, yes. Well, those three certainly have raised a fuss back home. Instead of asking permission it seems that they simply decided to ‘appropriate’ some military technology from one of our bases in order to facilitate their travel to this planet. Rest assured, it’s a political fact that their respective departments will ensure that there isn’t even a trial, let alone punishment.”
The smile faded somewhat. “Both Agent Orthodox and Commander Chalmers are under my command, and I feel that you are owed some explanation of events. See, normally such theft would be pursued by my department and likely explained away due to the intent it was used for without incident, but as always in life there are some parties that wish for such things to not happen that way.”
“Wait, hold on,” Sparkling leaned forwards, her fear being overtaken by her curiosity. “So this whole thing has happened because of some kind of politics?”
Edinburgh nodded. “Quite. You see, numerous matters have caused my department to, as they say, ‘butt heads’ with certain legal sections within our Empire over the years. It’s always a complex political game really, each department and section trying to outdo the others to gain the Emperor’s favor. I myself have stepped on a few toes of the higher-ups in the legal sector, and due to that there are often ‘conflicting views’ between my subordinates and theirs.”
“The leader was in a grey suit, no markings,” informed Strategy. “He and the Empero-, I mean Nigel, seemed to know each other. In fact, he seemed very pleased with himself when he was making the arrest.”
That surprisingly caused Edinburgh to smile wider.
“Ah yes, him. One of Chalmers’ talents seems to be the profound irritation of law enforcement wherever he goes. That issue is a more personal one, and Peterson is a rather odious fellow that seeks to be a constant thorn in my side.” Smiling again, he leaned back in his chair. “I would have had him taken care of a while ago, but he has fairly powerful benefactors and to be honest his attempts are more amusing than threatening.”
Sparkling would have been more unsettled at the remark, but to be honest she’d been around Chalmers for such a time that it was less concerning than normal.
“That’s all well and good, but that still doesn’t help us. With him gone, we run the risk of Equestria threatening our city again. I think that half of the reason the Princesses even made the deal was because they were terrified of what lengths he was going to go to.”
Sparkling nodded at Strategy’s point. ‘He’s right, and who knows when Nigel and Reflection will be back. From the sounds of it, this Assistant Director guy is up to something.’
“I’ll be honest, I really have neither the time nor interest to interfere with any political issues on this planet.”
“But you-“ Strategy started, before a finger was raised to interrupt.
“However, I have learned of a certain supply of curious gems that your nation specialises in. Such gems would certainly be of interest to certain other departments, one which has a representative that you have already met, and if I came into a steady supply of them then I would certainly gain a lot more friends in the political scene.” He leaned forwards. “I like people who can make me more political friends, and my own friendship can be quite beneficial.”
“So, you’re saying that if we agree to trade you enchanted gems, you’ll help our city out in return?” Sparkling waited for a reply, Edinburgh relaxing back in his chair with a laugh.
“Ha! Well in simple terms like that, yes.” A wicked gleam appeared in his eyes. “I could always just have your nation either intimidated or outright wiped-out and your gems taken by force, and in fact that is admittedly the preferred method that many would have me take, but despite his faults I do have a soft spot for Chalmers and as such I’m quite willing to reach a compromise.” He smiled down at them, with a tad bit more warmth. “Besides, I must admit that I am already becoming rather fond of you ‘crystal ponies’ and ‘changelings’. Such innocence is a rather rare thing in today’s existence.”
“Uh… thanks?” Sparkling replied before glancing at Strategy and lowering her voice to a whisper. “What do you think?”
“I think it’s a decent choice,” he muttered back. “Besides, trading gems was something we’d thought about anyway.”
“So we should take it then?”
“Yes.”
Sparkling tried to smile, and glanced back at the patiently awaiting human. “Okay, we’ll trade you enchanted gems in return for protection and your friendship.”
Edinburgh nodded before he stood up and gripped a black cane that had been resting in his lap. Sparkling noted the silver skull handle that it had and silently questioned why the cane was needed at all.
Her attention returned to Edinburgh when he glanced at his right wrist. “A good choice. Now, you’ll have to excuse me but I’m running a little low on time. I have some legal officials to visit and some charges need to be arranged to be dropped. I’ll have some trade officials arrive later to work out the intricacies of your side of the agreement, but I already think that the relationship between our nations will certainly prove to be pleasant for all involved.” He gave a bow, before he made to leave the room via the corridor to the throne room.
“Wait,” Strategy called out after him, giving the human pause. “What about our problems? It’s not like Equestria will wait around for diplomatic talks with you if they plot against us.”
Edinburgh chuckled lightly. “Do not worry about that. Arrangements have already been made to ensure that they won’t trouble you again and that your nation will soon be the most envied on the planet. Now if you’ll excuse me…”
He continued on, and headed out of the room without giving them a chance to respond.
“Hey, wait!” Strategy left his seat and made to follow, Sparkling rushing to accompany him. “We’re going to need more info than that, it’s…”
They both rounded the corner, Strategy’s complaints dying on his lips when they stared at the empty corridor. It had been mere seconds since the human had left down it, and the only movement was two guards moving up to meet them.
“Sir, is everything all right?” one of the guards inquired. “We heard you shouting from the throne room and-“
“Did you see a human in a suit go by just then?”
Understandably, the guards looked quite taken aback. “Uh, no Captain. We didn’t see anyone.”
Strategy turned to look at her, Sparkling having nothing to say as she tried to comprehend it.
“I hope we made the right decision,” he commented, glancing back at the empty corridor while the pair of guards looked on perplexed.
Sparkling could only shake her head and let out a tired sigh.
“I guess we’re just going to have to wait and see, aren’t we?”
A snort from Strategy was soon followed by a weary sigh of his own. “I suppose, and I thought things were strange with Chalmers in charge.” He began to trot down the hallway, shaking his head. “Come on, we better go and sort things out with the judge to see just who’s running the City now.”
“Yay,” Sparkling murmured unenthusiastically under her breath as she made to follow, grimacing at the mere thought of what was to come.
“Princess, while I applaud the peace deal that you and Princess Luna made despite such a hostile response, I can’t help but feel like it was more akin to surrender on our part. A full town has been lost, and granted it was mostly burned down, but it was rich mining land.”
Celestia sighed, before smiling down at the confused solar guard Major beside her. The mare was not the first to question the nature of the difficult peace agreement.
“I will be honest with you, I can see why you would think of it that way,” she answered softly, while they continued to trot through the castle corridors. “We gave away much, but I am confident that we gained much more than lost. Remember Major, they think very differently to us ponies, and the price of not reaching such an accord would have costed us far more than the loss of some land.” She shuddered as she recalled the day, and the guilt was still raw in her heart.
‘Although, not all lives were saved.’
“I understand,” the Major nodded. Both of them turned a corner, Celestia having gotten the urge for a slice of cake to calm her nerves. Discussing the Crystal Empire matters with the Major during Court had dredged up unpleasant feelings once more.
“Any further news, Major?”
“Our investigation into who hired the mercenaries is proving difficult,” was the frustrated reply. “Unfortunately, it seems that the surviving griffons dispersed upon the news of the… death of their leader, and no-one is left to give us any leads. There are of course suspects, but we’re looking at most of the Nobility here.”
“I see. I will look into methods of hastening your investigation and will speak to my sister as well. The actions that were taken without my approval led to the unneeded deaths of many and worsened our relations with the Crystal Empire, not even considering the fact that it brought us to war briefly. I shouldn’t need to state that the capture of that said individual or group is high on our list of priorities.” She hummed in thought. “Place your suspects under a secret watch for a while, I suspect that some attempt to flee the country may be made.”
“As you wish.” Both of them trotted into the well-lit dining room.
“Good. Now, in regards to the announcement of relations to our citizens-“
“Uh… Princess?”
Celestia paused and followed the Major’s pointed hoof towards the opposite end of the room. Spotting what had caused her guard such alarm, she herself would have jumped with fright if it weren’t for her experience with unexpected happenings.
A lone human in a dark blue suit was sitting down at the end of the dining table, absentmindedly cutting himself a small amount of chocolate cake while a pre-cut slice on a plate and two steaming tea cups sat at the side. Taking a step forwards after her initial confusion, Celestia slowly veered to the left while noting that she hadn’t had the ‘pleasure’ of meeting this particular one yet.
“Can I help you?” she asked, aware of the Major quietly following behind her. At her words, the human looked up and smiled.
“Ah, Princess Celestia, it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance. In regards to your question, I was actually aiming for us to have a nice little chat and…” he gestured towards the tea and cake. “I’ve already prepared some refreshments for us.” He paused speaking, one hand resting on the handle of the cane in his lap while he took a sip from one of the cups. “Mhmm, delightful. I must admit that your tea is far more enjoyable than the blend the Crystal Empire uses.”
“Crystal Empire?”
The Major made to draw her sword with a wing, but barely a flash of metal could be seen before a mass of tiny blue dots covered her and gave her pause. While the guard looked around on herself in confusion, Celestia’s eyes widened slightly when she looked back up at the seated human.
“I wouldn’t recommend that,” he tutted before taking another sip and smiling at the Major. “I’d hate to have this meeting spoiled by a bloodbath before it even really begins.”
Celestia glanced to the guard and gave a nod. The Major, getting the hint, slowly slid her sword back in and tucked her wings up. As soon as she did so, the blue dots blinked out of existence while the tension remained.
There was a slight flicker in the candle light, Celestia glancing with her eyes to the left while still facing the intruder.
‘I swear I saw…’
She realised that there was indeed something else lurking in the vast dining room with them, but for whatever reason she was unable to pinpoint anything visible.
“Please, have a seat,” the human directed with a gesture to the chairs next to him. “There is much to discuss.”
Not seeing many other choices, Celestia cautiously made her way over towards the offered chair. “Is this about the incident involving the Crystal Empire Emperor? We played no part-“
“That situation has been resolved. However, I am here in regards to matters involving the Crystal Empire.” He never took his eyes off of her. “You and I need to discuss much about the past troubles, and prevention of future ones.”
“We have already made peace with them,” she informed, stopping just short of the chair. “And I have no intention of reigniting hostilities.”
“So I’ve heard. Still…” a slice of cake was pushed over towards her. “We can’t be too careful now, can we?”
His fingers were crossed and he leaned back, candlelit flickering off the small silver badge pinned to his suit’s chest.
“Now please, sit down.”
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For some reason...i feels anti-climactic somehow...
I think you meant candlelight not candlelit.
I'm having trouble imagining the Assistant Director without an eyepatch, cause he seems like the kind of guy who would have an awesome eyepatch
6530170
Because it's a hair's breadth from being deus ex machina. While not literally a god and not actually solving the problem that was facing them that the story was building up to, Nigel's boss is apeing Ancient Greek theatre by arriving from the sky via machine to ensure the problem is well and truly solved.
In fact, now that I think about it, after Saviour or Destroyer?, this is the second Nigel M. Chalmers story by Dropbear with a distinct air of deus ex machina.
6530438
All I can think of us Samuel L Jackson as Nick Fury.
I cant help but read Lord Reginald Edinburgh the Seventh's lines in Christopher lee's voice
Welcome to fanfiction, where everything's made up and the points don't matter
Nigel has the most badass boss ever.
6531711
He'd have to be badass to be Nigel's boss....
6533180
Nigel's boss is so badass it's scary. It's like Dropbear took all the best "Master Planner" villains, antiheroes, and heroes and fused them into one super badass antihero mastermind with a dominating personality/aura, and a smile that would make Gin Ichimaru sudder in fear.
Huh. I wonder if Lord RE was using a hologram or something and faking drinking actual tea. Or something. Or maybe an Avatar
Return Nigel to the Crystal Empire, industrialise to become the most powerful nation on the planet by far, and make sure to send a shipload of gems out every few days.
6530623 Wow, that is so random. My younger brother told me to watch that video a few days ago. Weird. Also a great poem.
Now I want to see one of those done about Nigel. "Quoth the Nigel, Nevermore." I heard a rapping, a sort of tapping followed by a violent snapping. I open the door and guard lay dead on the floor. I stare into a smooth face like death. Quoth the Nigel, Nevermore.