Chapter 26. Rowdy Discussions
“Aw, yeah!” Rainbow Dash cried out, slamming her now-empty mug of cider on the worn table in front of her, the changeling that had challenged her slumping to the floor. “And that’s why you don’t challenge Rainbow Danger Dash if you don’t want to lose! At anything!”
The surrounding crowd let out a hearty combination of cheers and jeers as the assorted ponies and changelings waved their mugs, bottles and hooves in the air.
The tavern Rainbow Dash was in had attracted her the moment she saw it. After all, in a city made mostly of crystal, a humble wooden building stood out like the oases of the Saddle Arabian deserts. The interior was decorated in dark oak, smelled faintly of whiskey and smoke, and was filled with tables and chairs worn with use but also lovingly maintained.
And above all, cider. Very good cider at a maximum discount thanks to the ongoing party.
Sure, she’d gotten a mixed reception upon her arrival, more cold shoulders than warm. But she didn’t let that stop her from challenging the first pony to insult her.
The patrons had started to warm up a bit to her after her third conquest, and her fourth just now only helped to cement matters.
Rainbow cackled lightly as another round of cider was delivered to her table, snatching it up in her hooves and waving it in the air. “So, who else wants to get their flank kicked? Or are you all too turkey-winged to actually do anything?”
She chuckled at the renewed round of calls as she knocked back the frothing mug...
“I think I might take you up on that offer.”
And barely managed to actually swallow the drink instead of spray it all over the table when an all too familiar voice spoke up behind her. Rainbow whirled around to see Gilda standing just behind her, looming above with her wings half-spread, her armor glinting menacingly, and her gaze hidden behind the glare of her goggles.
“Except!” She continued flatly. “That it’ll end with your flank kicked.”
As she started to prowl around the edge of the table, the griffon’s beak twisted into a smirk. “By the way...” She taunted. “I could’ve sworn that your middle name was actually Mi-”
“Finish that sentence and I’ll use your beak to hammer in every rusty nail in this bar.” Rainbow snarled, though with only three-quarters of the heart she usually put into stuff like this.
Gilda’s smirk dropped into a scowl as she herself sank into the chair opposite the pegasus.
The tavern fell silent as the crowd of onlookers eagerly watched the tense conflict between the two wills, sparks seeming to fly in the air between them.
Finally, Gilda raised her talons and snapped them.
One of the barkeeps dashed up to the table, slid a pair of mugs he’d been carrying in front of the duelists, and darted back in an instant.
Gilda and Rainbow both grabbed a mug without looking, their eyes never wavering from their locked gazes until they knocked their heads back and drained every drop they could. The last drop had barely made it down their throats when they rammed their mugs back down on the wood simultaneously.
“Another.” Gilda grunted.
The empty mugs were replaced with full ones, and they too were emptied and slammed with equal fervor.
“Another.” Rainbow huffed.
Another pair of mugs, another nigh-instant slam.
“Another!” They both roared, causing the barkeep to almost stumble and drop the drinks in his haste to appease them.
And so it went, their conflict dragging on for uncountable minutes and almost a dozen mugs between them.
Ultimately, though, the silence could not last forever.
“So.” Rainbow Dash spoke up blandly as they waited for their next drinks. “Yell at any mares just minding their own business lately?”
Gilda snarled into her drink as she swallowed the cider before nearly cracking the mug in two as she rammed it onto the table. “My humblest of apologies, milady,” She sneered with as much condescension as physically possible. “I wasn’t quite myself that day on account of being royally ticked off by the bureaucratic shithive that you graciously call a customs bureau, and the way your humble guards chose to glare at me like I was going to eat them alive.”
She slammed the mug down, actually cracking this one. “So yeah.” She drew her beak back in a furious snarl. “My temper was a little short that day. I beg milady’s pardon for the inconvenience.”
Rainbow’s wings flared slightly, but froze as she hammered her temper down. “So you got a bad bureau, so what!? It happens, Twilight’s shared some of the horror stories she has about bureaucracy. That still doesn’t excuse you yelling at Fluttershy!”
Gilda let out a bark of harsh laughter. “Beggin’ milady’s pardon, but you don’t know jack shit about what it’s like to be a griffon living in a pony world.”
“Stop calling me that...” The pegasus growled.
“Hm?” Gilda tilted her head in faux innocence. “To what does milady-?”
“I said stop calling me that!” Rainbow snapped.
“Why?” Gilda demanded. “I thought milady’s people liked it when their lessers showed them proper respect. After all, that’s how it’s done back in Loondon! Hell!” She spread her arms wide. “It’s how it’s done in all of Eagleland, if not the entire Aeolus-damned world!”
“Ponies aren’t like that!” Rainbow Dash shouted, ramming her forehooves on the table and nearly upending her forgotten cider. “Nobody would let a pony act like that, Princess Celestia wouldn’t-!”
“Your pasty-assed Princess!” Gilda roared, leaping to her paws and clawing into the table as she leaned over it to glare at Rainbow Dash. “Hasn’t been seen outside of Equestria and has barely, if ever, left her gods-be-damned Canterlot for the past millennium! She’s been so focused on protecting her precious little ponies from the rest of the big scary world that she hasn’t bothered to protect the world from her ponies!”
Gilda’s claws started to cleave furrows in the wood of the table as she curled them into fists, her rage mounting with every word. “Does your little yellow friend know just how many animals have been driven to extinction by your farms and cities? Does the bookworm know how many cultures collapsed under that stupid scourge you call harmony? Does the prissy pisspot know just how much art has been lost, either to harmony or the flames? And if that spat between the farmer’s family and the Buffaloes was an isolated incident and they all ended half as well, I’ll eat my wind-damned wings!”
The table shook and let out an alarming groan as Gilda pounded one of her fists on it. “The only damn reason why I don’t say it’s all happened on Celestia’s watch is that that fucking nag hasn’t been watching anything, period!” She spat. “She betrayed her duties as an Oligarch, and she’s failed as a ruler! Miserably!”
“CELESTIA IS A GREAT PRINCESS!” Rainbow Dash screamed furiously, her wings snapping open in outrage. “She’s protected us! She’s protected us ponies, and the mules, and the donkeys, and even the horses! She’s been kind! She’s been peaceful! She’s a better ruler than anyone! Better than that flank-ugly bug of a nag you call a queen and better than that pasty, scaleless freak of a-!” She suddenly cut herself off as her mind caught up with the words coming from her mouth. “A... I, ah...”
Slowly, she cast her gaze over the now-silent bar. Sure, the place had fallen silent while she and Gilda were arguing, but that had been a silence of hushed anticipation. But now... this silence was tense. Furious. A fact emphasized by the smoldering glares the majority of the changelings and crystal ponies were throwing at her.
Gilda let out a tired groan as she rubbed beneath her goggles. “Zeus damn it, Dash...”
Rainbow Dash swallowed heavily as she warily took in the crowd. “Ah...”
BANG!
She then nearly jumped out of her skin and feathers when an extremely heavy-set and well-armored Crystal Earth Pony slammed his forehooves, one of which was holding onto a mostly-full bottle, onto the table next to her.
“Wut did y’jus’ say?” The pony growled lowly, the slur in his voice speaking volumes about how inebriated he was.
“Ah- I-I-I...” Rainbow Dash stuttered helplessly as the relatively massive equine loomed over her menacingly. ‘Celestia’s glorious white ass! What the buck do they feed these guys, other ponies!?’’ “L-look-!”
She was cut off by the pony dropping his empty hoof on her shoulder, hard.
“‘Cuz y’see...” He growled, leaning in close enough that she could smell the booze on his breath. “It sounded lahk y’jus’ insulted th’ good Duke Seath. Y’didn actually do thaaat, did ya?”
“List-GRK!” Rainbow Dash hissed in panic as the pressure on her shoulder increased, effectively pinning her in her seat. It wasn’t enough force to actually break anything, but as an athlete and... ‘experienced technician of hard landings’, Rainbow Dash knew exactly what was the limit on how much punishment her body could take. It was a limit the Earth Pony was approaching at an alarming rate.
“‘Cuz y’see...” The Earth Pony repeated, this time with a lot more vitriol in his voice. “We citzens o’ Vitrum? We like th’ good Duke. E’s been kind to us, bene- ben- nice-like. A great guv’ner. And ‘cuz ‘e’s such a great guv’ner, well...”
The pressure from the hoof became ever more dangerous, and a few hints of magic began to spark up the pony’s leg.
“We don take t’ kindly to folks up and insultin’ the man- drak- drag’n- wutever. ‘Specially not trech- treacherous, cod- coddled, weak-boned, soft-hoofed pieces of manure like you! ISN’T THAT RIGHT BOYS!?” The stallion’s speech had become considerably more coherent in the middle of his rant as his helmet slowly lit up with an array of engraved runes, culminating in the honestly, not just drunkenly, furious roar he directed at the crowd of patrons.
Despite her usual swagger and confidence, Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but quail before the might of the nigh unanimous bellow of approval that answered the soldier.
“So...” The Earth Pony snorted darkly as he glared down at her. “I’m going to ask you again...” He leaned in close, their muzzles inches from one another. “What. Did you. Say.”
Rainbow Dash shook in her seat as she searched for an answer that wouldn’t land her in an even deeper mess. She slowly opened her mouth...
“Hey, buddy.”
And promptly shut it with a click as a talon tapped the stallion on his pauldron.
The soldier cast an annoyed look at Gilda. “What the hell do you-?”
“Mind if I borrow that for a sec?” Gilda jabbed her thumb at the bottle the Earth Pony was holding. Without waiting for an answer, she grabbed it out of his hoof and up-ended it, draining its contents into her beak. The stallion made to say something, but she silenced him with a single raised talon.
Finally, once the bottle was empty, Gilda swung her head down and let out a massive breath. “Wow, that was some good whiskey... Now then.”
She then flipped her grip on the bottle and rammed it across the stallion’s skull with a meaty thunk, knocking the pony flat on his ass.
The bar became even quieter than before as the patrons stared at Gilda in dumbfounded shock.
Gilda raised her eyebrow as she gave the bottle she was clutching an appreciative glance. “Huh. Strong stuff. Neat. Anyways...” She tossed the bottle over her shoulder, knelt down and grabbed the heavily dazed Earth Pony by the front of his breastplate, hauling him in close to her snarling beak.
“Let’s make one thing clear here, mud-horse.” Gilda growled. “I’m the only person in this dump that’s allowed to beat that nag’s rump black and blue, and don’t you forget it.”
And with that, she switched her grip to his helmet and slammed the pony’s skull into the floorboards, hard. The stallion gave a final pained groan before allowing himself to slump onto his side in a boneless heap.
Gilda slowly cracked her neck as she rose to her feet, calmly observing the dumbfounded crowd that was staring at her. She then widened her stance, flared her wings, spread her talons and roared. “ANYONE ELSE WANNA MESS WITH ME!?” She bellowed furiously.
A moment of stunned silence. Then...
Gilda blinked in surprise as she was answered by a cacophony of screeching chairs, the vast majority of the bar rising to their hooves and taking to the air, magic flaring and weapons singing as the patrons attempted to immolate her with their gazes.
“Well shit...” The griffon tsked under her breath as she fell into a more combat-ready stance, lightning starting to dance over her armor.
The bartender, his head whipping back and forth as if on a swivel, hastily discharged a burst of magic from his horn with a loud bang, attracting the attention of everyone in the bar. “Hold it! Just a moment!” He demanded.
Taking advantage of the momentary lull in hostilities, the Unicorn proceeded to rap his hoof on the bar three times in quick succession. In response, a multitude of lines ran out from the point of impact, running up and over almost every available surface there was to be had and through the air directly behind the bar itself. As soon as the glyphs ceased moving, they let loose a flash of energy before vanishing without a trace.
The bartender heaved a sigh of relief, wiping his forehead with his hoof. “That was close...” He then shrugged and waved his foreleg carelessly. “Alright, back to it, bounce her skull off the table or whatever it is you were planning.”
That was all the patrons needed, and the tavern erupted into a flurry of movement.
Gilda met the rush of foes with an equal amount of fervor, if not moreso. She lashed out with her talon, grabbing a changeling by his armor before he knew what was happening and swinging him around into an Earth Pony, sending both tumbling through a cluster of chairs and into the far wall. She then snapped both her wings out to their fullest extent with as much force as possible, catching a pair of Pegasi by surprise and striking them from the air, where they landed amongst their fellow fighters and added to the general madness of the situation.
Ducking under a blast of magic, Gilda snapped her talon out and sent a retaliatory bolt of lightning at the caster before pumping her wings once with enough force to launch her into the air, allowing her to pounce upon a Pegasus that had been attempting to divebomb her. Landing upon a table, she hurled the dazed flyer into an unfortunate pair of changelings. Catching sight of someone behind her in the periphery of her vision, she pumped a burst of energy into her tail and lashed out with it, an action that rewarded her with a yelp of pain.
Gilda swept her gaze over the rush of attackers that was swarming around her before hastily backstepping as an Earth Pony leapt onto the table alongside her and took a swipe at her with his hoof. She retaliated with a swift backhand and scowled as the blow went ignored. Thinking fast, Gilda snapped her claws twice and concentrated her magic between her talons.
‘A bit more...’ Gilda thought to herself as the charge built up in her gauntlet. ‘A bit more...’ Finally, she smirked victoriously. ‘There.’
She jabbed her talons forwards-
“LOOK OUT!”
And nearly lost hold of the lightning as a blur of blue shot through the air above her and rammed into a pegasus holding a chair that she had sworn wasn’t there a few seconds ago. Gilda only just managed to catch herself and successfully blast the Earth Pony into a charred and unconscious heap before leaping off the table and onto three ponies.
Rainbow Dash scowled furiously as she landed, the chair-wielding pegasus planted face-first into the floor under her hooves. “Damn it, Gilda, you always do this!” She shouted. “Every time we get into a fight, you get so drawn in that you don’t notice the simplest bucking details!”
Rainbow Dash pumped her wings and rammed her shoulder into the jaw of a changeling. “Every!”
Another flap and she’d flipped herself in such a manner that her rear hooves cracked down on the back of a pegasus’s skull. “Single!”
A trio of flaps and she’d rammed her entire weight onto the back of an unprepared Earth Pony before taking off with equal force. “TIME!”
Gilda clacked her beak in exasperation as she grabbed a unicorn by his horn and barrel, lifted him above her head and flung him into the crowd. “Me!?” She demanded incredulously. “What about you!? All it takes is a single bottle of cider or ale or whatever and your tongue gets so loose that you always hang yourself with it! And every time you write a check you can’t cash, who saves your sorry hide? Oh, that’s right!” She stomped a paw on the face of an Earth Pony that had been trying to sneak up on her with another chair. “Me! And let me tell you, it is so!”
She tore through a ragged mixed line of ponies and changelings, knocking several away like ragdolls as she stomped up to a table.
“Fucking!”
She grabbed the edge of the table.
“AGGRAVATING!” She roared, flipping the table up into the air.
Rainbow Dash barely managed to spin herself over the wooden projectile, allowing another pegasus to be creamed in her place. “Hey, watch where you’re throwing those things!” She demanded, absentmindedly ramming her elbow into the nose of a changeling.
“Oh, please forgive me, milady!” Gilda sneered, even going so far as to mock-curtsy under another blast of magic. “But in case you didn’t notice, we’re in the middle of a gods-be-damned bra-ARGH!” She was cut off by a bottle flying through the air and cracking against the side of her beak, prompting her to roar and unleash an omnidirectional blast of lightning. “ALRIGHT, WHO THE HELL THREW THAT!? I’M GOING TO PUMP YOU SO FULL OF LIGHTNING THAT YOU’LL SHIT CHARCOAL FOR A MONTH!”
“STOP CALLING ME THAT!” Rainbow Dash screamed as she zipped from aerial enemy to enemy, outmaneuvering them and debilitating them in quick succession. “SWEET CELESTIA, IF YOU HATE PONIES SO MUCH, WHY WERE WE EVEN FRIENDS!? WERE WE EVEN FRIENDS, OR WAS THAT A LIE TOO!?”
“OF COURSE WE WERE FRIENDS, YOU FEATHER-BRAINED IDIOT!” Gilda screeched, snatching a bottle from a Unicorn’s aura before slamming it across her muzzle in a spray of blood and teeth.
“THEN WHY!?” Rainbow Dash demanded.
“BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WERE FUCKING DIFFERENT!” Gilda screeched, flapping her wings so that she was suddenly in Rainbow Dash’s face. “BECAUSE YOU NEVER LOOKED DOWN ON ME LIKE THOSE OTHER SHITS! BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS TREATED ME EQUALLY, LIKE I WAS FUCKING WORTH SOMETHING! BECAUSE YOU MADE ME FEEL FUCKING WELCOME! LIKE I HAD A FUCKING FAMILY AGAIN!”
Rainbow Dash blinked stupidly, her mind trying to process what the griffon had just said. “Wha-WOAH!”
“SON OF A-!”
The duo were forced to hastily flap backwards when a chair sailed through the space they’d been occupying moments ago.
“Hey!” Gilda snarled in aggravation. “Do you fucking mind!? We were having a moment here!”
“Sorry! Don’t mind us!”
“Yeah, go ahead, we don’t mind!”
Gilda and Rainbow Dash blinked in surprise as they finally acknowledged the state the bar was in.
By and large, most of their attackers were outright unconscious, and those that weren’t were either too busy licking their wounds and crawling away to safety to try anything or off on the sidelines cowering or observing. As it stood, only two changelings remained ready to fight. Two symmetrical, well-armored and spear-wielding, very familiar smirking changelings.
“Rotfang? Lacewing!?” Gilda sputtered.
“What the buck are you two morons doing here!?” Rainbow Dash demanded.
“Uh, hello? Big-ass barfight? Why wouldn’t we be here!?” Rotfang cackled.
“But anyways, please, do go on!” Lacewing waved a hoof freely. “We’ll even go a little easy on ya, so you can continue talking while we fight.”
Rotfang cast a shocked look at his brother.
Lacewing rolled his eyes. “Not too easy, obviously.”
Rotfang’s smile returned with renewed vigor.
“Aaaanyways...” Lacewing’s smile mirrored his brother’s.
“Ready or not, here we come!” They chorused as they leapt at the pair, wings buzzing heavily.
Rainbow Dash barely withheld a curse as she batted away the tip of Lacewing’s weapon and started dodging left and right around the flurry of jabs the Changeling unleashed at her. “W-what did you mean? About me treating you equ-ACK!” She flinched as an unexpected twirl of the weapon brought its butt crashing down on her skull, to which she responded with a lightning-fast buck. “Equally?! Back in flight camp-!”
“Back in flight camp, I was lucky to get the time of day!” Gilda growled, lunging in an attempt to grab Rotfang as he danced around her, zipping from chair to upended table to what-have-you and sneaking in the occasional slash and thrust, which only served to irritate Gilda further. “It was always cold stares and whispers and ponies moving to the other side of whatever path I was on. And those were the cordial reactions! I wasn’t welcome in Equestria, and everyone went out of their way to make sure I knew it!” A bolt of lightning and half a table gave Gilda enough breathing room to cast a look up at her old friend. “Everyone but you.”
Rainbow Dash gaped at her openly. “Wh-!” She bit her tongue and hastily looped out of the way of Lacewing’s charge, ramming a swift double-tap from her forehooves between his shoulders. “What are you talking about!? Why would anyone care about that?! I mean, come on! You’re an amazing flyer, you’re better at handling storms than most Pegasi I know-!”
“No one saw that!” Gilda snarled, grabbing Rotfang’s lance in the middle of a thrust and pumping a bolt of lightning into the shaft, an effort that proved to be in vain as the changeling countered with a stream of magic from his horn. “All they saw were my talons, my beak, the meat I ate for lunch, that I had to hunt myself! And even when they did see that, it just made things worse because then I was just showing them up! But you?” She chuckled sardonically. “You didn’t see ‘Gilda the Griffon’. You only ever saw ‘Gilda, the awesome flier who’s my friend’. Who cared if you were a pony, why the hell wouldn’t I want to be your friend?”
The griffon’s expression soured drastically, her smile slipping into a grimace. “Although... I guess that feeling isn’t mutual anymore, is it?”
“HEY!” Rainbow Dash snapped, dropping out of the air and hovering in front of Gilda’s face. “I didn’t-!”
“Move!” Gilda snapped, shoving Rainbow to the side and out of the way of a stab from Lacewing. Dash hastily recovered and returned the favor by kicking a swing Rotfang had aimed at Gilda’s back askew.
Rainbow huffed angrily as she flapped back to back with Gilda, parrying Rotfang with her hooves. “I didn’t care that you were a griffon, you idiot!” She snapped. “I cared because you were a royal jerk to my friends!”
Gilda grit her beak as she and Lacewing traded equal blasts of magic and lightning. “Fine, so I was a bit harsh with Klutz-!”
“I WILL PLANT MY HOOF SO FAR UP YOUR ASS, I SWEAR-!”
“Fluttershy!” Gilda amended, albeit semi-reluctantly. “But I’m not apologizing for the lame pink dweeb! She had it coming!”
“She was trying to be nice! She was trying to be your friend!”
“I WASN’T THERE FOR A ‘FRIEND’, DAMN IT!” Gilda roared, launching herself up towards the ceiling and slamming Lacewing out of the air with her mass before wheeling around to sneer down at Rainbow Dash. “I WAS ONLY IN THAT LAME TOWN FOR YOU!” She breathed heavily for a second before allowing herself to calm down. “Plus, some offence, but her attempts at being ‘nice’ sucked. I definitely saw some hay in those cupcakes she was trying to give m-ACK!”
Gilda squawked in panic as Lacewing locked his legs around her wings, sending her crashing to the ground. He grinned as his horn slowly lit up...
CRACK!
Then went cross-eyed with pain as he was slammed headfirst into a barrier of runes just behind the bar, courtesy of a nigh transonic flying kick from Rainbow Dash.
The pegasus huffed heavily as she watched the changeling in order to confirm that he was definitely incapacitated. “Well... it really wasn’t her best attempt at being someone’s friend, I’ll give you that...” She grumbled before landing next to Gilda. She hesitated a moment before proffering her hoof. “But I helped her set it up because I wanted it to work. Having two friends is pretty cool... but having those friends get along would have been cooler.”
Gilda stared at the hoof numbly for a few seconds before reaching out and taking it. “Twenty percent cooler?” She smirked.
Rainbow Dash returned the smile as she hauled Gilda to her talons and paws. “At minimum.”
Slowly, the pair turned their gaze towards the last changeling standing.
Rotfang swallowed nervously as he shifted his grip on his spear. He cast a nervous look towards the bar. “Ah heh... a little help, brother?”
“Arghspblbr...” Lacewing slurred.
The bartender raised his eyebrow at the downed changeling before giving Rotfang a flat look. “Yer done, son.”
Rotfang’s eyes widened in panic. He snapped his attention back to the pair, but it was already too late. Before he could react, his spear was snatched from his forehooves, leaving him desperately flailing his forelegs in an attempt to balance on his hindlegs.
Rainbow Dash held the spear upside-down in her hooves and tightened her grip. She reared back...
CRACK!
And slammed the shaft across the back of Rotfang’s skull before he could react, sending him falling down...
Face first into Gilda’s waiting, lightning-charged knee.
A crack of bone and a sound not unlike meat sizzling rang out as Rotfang was flung spinning head over heels, ultimately landing on-
SMASH!
Correction, smashing through one of the last tables left standing.
Gilda and Rainbow Dash huffed and panted heavily as they watched the Changeling, guaranteeing that he was indeed down and out.
Finally, Gilda smirked triumphantly as she allowed herself to relax. “Geeze...” She sighed. “Remember the last time we got into a fight like this?”
Rainbow Dash snickered drunkenly as the memory played out in her head. “Supertrough XXXVII. We were in that old bar in Cloudsdale, the Rusty...”
“The Stormy Blizzard.” Gilda corrected smugly.
Rainbow Dash blew her off with a psh. “Anyways, I drank, said a few things...”
“You said that the Cloudsdale Colts were going to be picking the Trottingham Tornadoes’ horseshoes out of their own manure by the time they were through with them. In a bar where every other pegasus and then some was wearing red.”
“Alright, so I said a lot of things!” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “To be fair, the Colts did win 48-21, half of which they got in garbage time.”
Gilda snorted and rolled her eyes. “Long story short, they got pissed, I saved your ass, yes you saved mine,” She cut Rainbow Dash off. “A few times. And when we were through...”
“We were laughing and laughing in the Cloudsdale Keep’s lockup, I remember,” Rainbow Dash smiled.
Gilda allowed herself a moment to chuckle... before slowly becoming somber. “When did things change?” She asked quietly. “When did our lives become some... some fucked up teenage romance novel?”
Rainbow Dash bit her lip uneasily as she slowly shook her head. “I... I don’t know. It all happened so fast. Or... maybe it was just too slow...” She hung her head as she landed absentmindedly. “I wish things could just go back to the way they were...”
Gilda’s beak tightened as she clenched and unclenched her talons. Finally, after a minute... “The Academia’s modus operandi is to make the word impossible redundant, and the wildest dreams and wishes come true.” She whispered.
Rainbow Dash stared at her blankly for a moment. Then, her mouth dropped open and her eyes widened slowly in shocked understanding.
She made to say something, anything...
But before she could, the bar started to light up with runes.
“Hey, what the-!?”
“Ah, keep your feathers on.” The bartender rolled his eyes as he pressed his hoof into the bar. “I’m just putting everything back in place.”
“What are you-OW!” Rainbow Dash yelped as she felt one of the bruises she’d accrued during the fight burn. She whipped her hoof to the spot and froze in shock when she felt nothing. She was even more shocked when all of the K.O.d fighters began to writhe and moan in pain and the bar’s fixtures repaired themselves, blood and teeth and wood and glass flying through the air and reaffixing themselves to their rightful positions. “What the heck?!”
“You didn’t really think that we just try and kill each other at the drop of a hat, did you?” Lacewing groaned, shaking his head as he peeled himself from the bar.
“We use this kind of stuff in all the bars and training grounds. Not discriminate enough to use for actual fights though...” Rotfang groused as he rubbed the back of his head and the bottom of his jaw.
Dash and Gilda glanced at each other nervously as their foes picked themselves off the ground, and they slowly positioned themselves back to back.
Finally, all of the bar’s original patrons were back on their hooves, staring at the griffon and Pegasus with unreadable expressions.
“You managed to beat each and every last one of us.” Rotfang stated simply.
“There’s only one proper response to that.” Lacewing said firmly.
The twins crouched in a ready position…
And promptly fell on their faces, forelegs spread before them. “ALL HAIL THE QUEENS OF BRAWLING!”
“ALL HAIL THE QUEENS!” The rest of the crowd cheered.
Before either Dash or Gilda could react, the crowd swept them up and hoisted them upon a blanket of hooves and shoulders.
“Wha- hey!” Gilda protested as they were carried towards the door. “What the hell do you think you’re doing!?”
“We are placing our queens upon their thrones!” Lacewing chortled as he hovered above them.
“We shall then throw a feast in honor of your immense prowess at the art of smashing other’s faces in!” Rotfang guffawed. “There shall be much merriment, right guys?”
“ALL HAIL THE QUEENS! ALL HAIL THE QUEENS!”
Rainbow Dash and Gilda glanced at each other in a dumbfounded manner...
Then they started to smile.
“WOO! HAIL US, BABY!” Rainbow Dash waved her hooves in the air and laughed happily.
“Bring on the booze!” Gilda crowed. “Let’s eat, drink and party!”
And so the merriment returned to the bar a thousandfold, and though the animosity was momentarily forgotten, the consequences would be felt for a long time to come.
-o-
A few blocks away, the dulcet tones of off-key and slightly drunken singing wafted over the partygoers sitting in a far calmer and more restrained tavern, where a mixed table of changelings and crystal ponies were belting out an enthusiastic, if not particularly skillful, rendition of a popular Concordian ballad, about a brave warrior overthrowing a conqueror and saving a princess.
Onlookers whooped and hollered, mugs in hoof and raised in the air, offering gasps of horror and amazement at the proper moments, and choking with laughter or groaning depending on the quality of the humor when it came.
Finally, applause filled the air as the impromptu chorus finished, flopping face first on the ground in their attempts to bow.
With that bout of entertainment over with, the patrons of the bar turned back to their drinks and their conversations. Everyone was in some sort of group, interacting with each other, stories and jokes and laughter merging into a comfortable sea of background noise.
In the end, though, the homely atmosphere did little to assuage Applejack’s dour mood.
The orange-colored farmer muttered sour, incoherent words into the mug of cider she was nursing as she sulked in a dark and lonely corner of the establishment.
She had entered the bar quietly about a half-hour ago, hat drawn down over her eyes in an effort to remain anonymous, and she’d maintained that anonymity from the second she’d grabbed a mug from the far end of the bar and seated herself at the most secluded and out-of-the-way table she could find.
Applejack glared silently at the varying partygoers, dark and acidic thoughts flitting through her head. Finally, her frustration reached a peak as a changeling happened to stagger just a bit too close to her in the midst of his drunken dancing.
Quicker than one might expect, Applejack reached out and snagged the insectoid equine, bringing his face very close to hers. “Tell that ugly varmint you an’ yers call a queen t’shake a leg an’ get down here right fast,” She growled venomously. “Otherwise, ah’m gonna start knockin’ every buggy ah can find for a loop they won’t ever ferget.”
The moment she was done, the Earth Pony released her grip on the Changeling and allowed him to scamper off into the festivities with a panicked whimper. Applejack felt a momentary pang of regret at her actions, but this was replaced by a sense of vindication when every other changeling in the immediate environs moved to give her table a wide berth, even those that couldn’t have possibly seen the altercation.
Suddenly, she was snapped out of her thoughts by the sound of a seat pulling out from her table.
“Well it’s about-!” Applejack’s words caught in her throat and died when she caught sight of the blank faceplate staring at her, her expression souring like a rotten apple. “Oh. You’re not Chrysalis. You’re one’a those bodyguards o’ hers, the... what? Faceless?”
The armor-covered changeling didn’t react. It merely continued to stare at her impassively.
Applejack shuddered slightly as she forced herself to remember that this thing was actually a living creature before crossing her hooves and looking away with a derisive snort. “Well, whatever y’are, you can go on an’ git. Ah know that Chrysalis is hearin’ me through that weird ‘hivemind’ thing y’all have going, so ah know she can hear me when ah tell her the same thing ah told that changelin’ I was hoof-wrasslin’ with: ah ain’t speakin’ to one’a her flunkies, ah’m only gonna speak to her.”
Applejack ground her teeth in frustration for a second. Then she noticed that the Nameless hadn’t moved an inch.
She shot the changeling soldier a furious scowl. “What are ya, deaf or somethin’!? Ah said-!”
The changeling suddenly flashed green and was replaced by the imperious form of the changeling matriarch as she leveled a flat glare at the farmer. “I heard you the first time, you incessant nag. Be glad I agreed to this in the first place, what with you employing that tone of voice. Honestly, where did you learn how to conduct business, a seedy back alley in Mystha- ergh, I mean Mane-hattan?”
Applejack blinked in surprise before scowling again. “Ah said-!”
“Yesyesyesyes!” The Chrysalis-faced-changeling emphasized each word with a shake of her hoof. “No flunkies, only me, blah blah blah.” She rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Do you have any idea just how busy I, a changeling queen as well as an Oligarch, am? I’m conducting almost a dozen conversations like this one as we speak, and frankly, you’re lucky to have actually garnered my attention in the first place.”
Applejack leapt from her seat, slammed her forehooves on the table in frustration, opened her mouth and-!
Only just barely managed to snap her jaw shut on her tongue. Applejack blew a snort of exasperation through her nose as she fell back into her seat and hastily chugged her mug of cider. She let out a sigh of relief even as she ground her teeth in exasperation.
“Ah... ah apologize fer that...” Applejack grit out with visible difficulty. “It’s just that... what ah need to talk to you about is very... it’s incredibly... look, the questions ah’ve got, they’ve been weighin’ heavy on mah mind for awhile, alright? Ah need you to be straight with me on this.” She narrowed her eyes at Chrysalis. “And don’t you try lyin’ to me, you hear? Ah’ll know, and if you do, ah swear-!”
“I am a gold-plated dragon, weighing in at approximately one thousand tons and capable of breathing lightning and uncut opiates.” Chrysalis deadpanned flatly. “Additionally, the sky is blue, you have a little brother who is a rainbow Unicorn, and Celestia is a massive, raging bitch of a-!”
Applejack slammed her hooves on the table again, this time out of desperation. She flared her nostrils silently for a second before finally managing to respond. “W-wha...” She swallowed heavily. “What was th’ point of all that?”
Chrysalis shrugged absentmindedly. “Well, the first bit was part of a funny story about a cartel Solum Nox and I took down back in the day, the second bit was pure fact, obviously, the third a small figment of my imagination, and the fourth was more a personal opinion of mine, but honestly I think we both know that-”
Applejack was almost certain that she snapped an incisor with how tightly she was gritting her teeth. “Ah swear to every last one a’ my ancestors, if ya don’t tell me how an’ why y’did that, ah’ll play hoofball with your-!”
“How? Please, I’ve lied to, cheated and deceived beings far older and more powerful than you in my sleep. You’re impressive, not exemplary.” Chrysalis snapped with obvious exasperation. “And second, if I’m going to be answering your questions, I want you to judge whether or not I’m telling the truth based not on what I say, but on how you feel about what I say. I could tell you the purest facts, truth as clear as spring water, but they would mean absolutely nothing!” She struck the table viciously with her hoof. “If you were unwilling to accept them. By the end of this, you won’t learn the truth from me. You’ll merely see if what I say is what you’ve known all along.”
Chrysalis drew herself up to her fullest height, towering above the simple Earth Pony in all her regal splendor.
“Do I make myself clear?” She intoned firmly.
Applejack quailed before the queen’s imposing presence before steeling her nerves. “Ah...” She nodded slowly. “Yes... Yes, you’ve made yerself clear. Just... answer mah questions, alright?”
Chrysalis crossed her hooves on the table. “I will do my best. Now... your question?”
Applejack sucked on her teeth uncomfortably before slowly nodding. “B... before me an’ the girls came up here... t’help Shining Armor an’ Cadance... Princess Celestia told us about why she an’ Luna an’ Cadance did what they did. She told us about developin’ harmony, testin’ it, y’all gettin’ mad... She told us the truth... the whole truth... nothin’ but the truth...”
“Is there actually a question coming?” Chrysalis demanded neutrally.
Applejack’s expression wavered slightly, but she forged on. “An’ then... she told us about the trolls. An’...” Applejack swallowed heavily. “She told a lie. Just... just one lie. Small one, not even that many words.”
Chrysalis straightened up instantly, the distracted look in her eyes replaced with a hard-nosed focus that prompted the mare to continue.
“She...” Applejack reached up and lowered her hat over her eyes. “Princess Celestia said that she never wanted to harm anyone. That she never attacked them, that the trolls always did nothin’ but attack. And that... that was the truth.”
Chrysalis said nothing, neither confirming nor denying the statement.
“Princess Celestia said that she would do anythin’ she could t’ take it back, t’ make sure that tragedy never happened. That was... the truth.”
Chrysalis kept her peace as she watched the Earth Pony.
“She said that what happened to the trolls was one of the greatest tragedies in the history of Mundus. She promised us that it was one that has never, ever been repeated.”
Applejack slowly raised her gaze to meet the queen’s, eyes dead and expressionless.
“She lied.” She stated in a dead voice. “She lied to our faces.”
Chrysalis’ expression remained neutral as she gradually receded into her chair and leaned back in her seat, hooves crossed over her chest. She stared at Applejack impassively for a moment before speaking.
“The djinn.” Chrysalis started emotionlessly. “Spirits of fire who resided in the country that would one day become Saddle Arabia. It wasn’t always a completely gods-forsaken hellhole of a desert, only most of one. The djinn changed that when Equestria came for them. The djinn decided that rather than suffer an ignoble defeat, they would take a literally pyrrhic victory. They expended all the energy they had in themselves simultaneously. The results shaped the nation as it is today.
“The djinn weren’t the only ones consumed by flames. The wolf-like lupen and the spider-like arachne... so full of pride for their species, it’s quite shocking that neither we nor the Equestrians saw it coming. They lead protracted guerrilla wars against Equestria for as long as possible, but when they were finally cornered they set fire to their dens and webs with themselves inside rather than so much as entertain the possibility of allowing themselves to fall.
“And then there were the kirin...” Chrysalis trailed off as a thought struck her. “Tell me, have the ponies been exploring the jungles to the south of the area where my people’s capital is, I believe you call it the Badlands?”
Applejack blinked in confusion. “The Amarezon Rainforest? What’s that got to do with-?!” She cut herself off as an uncomfortable realization hit her. “The...the fossils mah cousin Crab Apple keeps findin’ in the ruins beneath his orchard. Y-ya can’t mean-!”
“Elongated muzzles close in size to a horse, consistent horns with varying lengths, larger-than-average canines?” Chrysalis deadpanned.
Applejack nodded weakly. “T-the experts, they all said that they were our ancestors, early ponies...”
“No, definitely the kirin. Close relation, but not direct. Their discipline in all that was medical was beyond superb.” Chrysalis heaved a heavy sigh as she inspected one of her hooves. “They displayed that aptitude a final time with the plague they devised. They will be missed. Them and others.”
Applejack stared at the changeling with silent, open-mouthed horror.
The queen reached out and accepted the mug of cider that was wordlessly passed into her hoof. She took a satisfying sip before swirling the rest, pensively observing the contents. “To be fair, you were right: she didn’t lie to you about anything else apart from the number. Everyone who died achieved that conclusion on their own. They chose to die free and awake rather than be forced to fall into an eternal slumber. Were it not for my duties as a queen and Oligarch, I’d most likely have joined them. But, then again...” She shrugged indifferently. “Celestia and I consistently butted heads even before this mess began. I might be biased.”
Shakes and shudders began to slowly wrack Applejack’s body as she clutched at her hat. “Ah... th-that...” Horror and numb shock crept into her voice and eyes as she moaned miserably. “Why... Why would the Princesses do that? Why would they hurt so many so badly?”
Chrysalis observed Applejack’s breakdown impassively before finally sighing heavily, a lifetime of weight leaving her in that one breath. “Because we drove them to it.”
Applejack’s head snapped up instantly. “What.” She breathed in shock.
The changeling matriarch ground her fangs in frustration. “How much did Celestia tell you about why Equestria went to war?”
The earth pony blinked in confusion. “Ah... she said... she said that y’all were threatenin’ Equestria ‘cause of the harmony and ya scared ‘em somethin’ fierce.”
Chrysalis snorted sadly and looked away. “Just like Celestia, always being overly generous towards her friends. As Scholar is fond of reminding us, some things never change.”
“W-what’re ya-?”
“Let me show you.” Chrysalis sighed. Her horn lit up with a green aura and Applejack’s world was engulfed in a flash of verdant energy.
When the light cleared from her eyes, Applejack gasped in shock. She and Chrysalis were still sitting at the same table they’d been sitting at throughout their conversation, but now said table was firmly situated on top of what appeared to be a miniaturized model of Equestria, granting them both a bird’s-eye-view.
“First, you must understand...” Chrysalis drew attention back to herself with a regretful tone. “Back in the days of Concordia, we took traitors very seriously. A person could retire with little worry, a person could argue orders or do what they felt was right, sure... but traitors?” A shudder ran the length of her body. “Every traitor in Concordia, every person who has turned on us and intentionally tried to harm us has invariably caused untold devastation. Boar the Ravager carved a bloody scar into whatever land he passed through when he gave into his bloodlust and abandoned all pretenses of civility. Hurnix’s hordes of plague-ridden beasts and monsters rotted nations at a time... to name but a couple. As such, we have never dared to suffer the existence of traitors in Concordia.”
Chrysalis stared out over the display of Equestria dejectedly. “When Equestria and the Princesses betrayed us... Well...” She clenched her eyes tiredly. “They were our friends. Or... rather... More than friends, really. After all, we’d managed to forge an empire together. It’s... hard to just be friends after such an undertaking. The bonds we shared were extremely deep. So for them, with whom we’d gone through so much with, with whom we’d stood side by side, to commit the ultimate sin in all of Concordia, and shatter the peace we had forged with blood and fire from the inside-out?”
The queen bared her fangs with ill-suppressed fury and self-hatred. “Our rage overtook us. Blinded us. We didn’t want to hear their excuses, their petty reasoning. We wanted them to pay the ultimate price at all costs. We wanted to make them suffer. We wanted them dead. Them... and all associated with them.”
She pinned Applejack with a frigid stare. “Have you ever seen the true wrath of a god, little pony?”
Applejack shook her head mutely.
“Then allow me to describe to you the close second we planned to unleash upon your ancestors. What we intended to do and would have done had Discord not gone mad... madder and thrown the world into disarray.”
Suddenly, a noxious haze began to spread over the map of Equestria, starting in the bodies of water and sweeping the land.
“Serpense and the rest of the hydras would have poisoned everything. The water, the air, even the very ground itself. A miasma more vicious and more hideous than any previously concocted.”
The map began to shake and shudder violently. Vicious cracks appeared in the nation as the landscape split open. Mountains rose and mountains fell in an instant.
“Minos led the tribes deep underground. They planned on shattering the tectonic plates upon which Equestria rested, literally ripping it to shreds.”
Far, far away in the distance, the horizon suddenly became as black as the night, a wall of pitch-black stormclouds obscuring all else, their sole illumination the flashes of lightning that flared and roared within.
“The cyclopes concocted the mother of all storms. A maelstrom whose viciousness and sheer scale for devastation dwarfed any other to date. Had they had their way, the Turbine Brothers would have unleashed it upon Equestria.”
Slowly, the lands past the borders of Equestria started to light up with blue flames. Miniscule in size though they were, there were more than enough of the sparks that before long Equestria was encircled by an inferno of ethereal blue.
“This one was truly shocking. Prior to this point in time, the wraiths and the wights were... recalcitrant, to say the least, when it came to any wartime contributions. But when this tragedy occurred... they provided the grandest army of revenants in history. An all but literal ocean of the undead, each and every last one sharing in their masters’ rage.”
Out of nowhere, an immense multitude of dark spots began to appear across Equestria. The spots converged on the different towns and cities throughout the nation and swarmed over them.
“My changelings and I would have been particularly sadistic. We would have infiltrated your nations’ cities and capitals... and we would have devastated them, gutting them from the inside-out with disinformation and deception.”
“Stop…” Applejack choked out.
The sky high, high above Equestria lit up with orange light. “STOP!” Applejack shouted, jerking to her hooves and balancing on leaning over the table.
“The dragons... Pyrae Daemos never did tell us what he intended to do. He merely repeated a single phrase whenever he was asked...”
Fire, pure, unadulterated fire rained from the heavens above, engulfing Equestria entirely.
“He just said ‘they would burn’.” Chrysalis’ voice was devoid of emotion as she watched the immolation. “And those were just the more central peoples. Who would you prefer to hear of next? The arboreals, who wanted to turn your crops against you and slowly crush the life from you? The kirin, who had even more noxious and virulent afflictions than the one they killed themselves with waiting in the wings, tailored specifically for your kind? Or maybe-?”
“ENOUGH!” Applejack screamed, slamming her hooves hard enough on the table to crack the wood. The illusion froze around them. “W-why!?” She demanded. “What was the point of this! Why would yah tell me this!? All of this!?”
Chrysalis breathed a heavy sigh through her nose as she slowly rubbed her hoof over her muzzle. “So that you would understand. This war... the devastation... the suffering... all of it. It wasn’t just the fault of the Princesses. It was ours. We... the Oligarchs that is... we forced the Princesses’ hands- or hooves- as it were. Because of all of our rash actions, the world was thrown into devastation. Perhaps if we hadn’t...” She trailed off for a moment before shaking her head. “But we did. Dwelling on ‘could haves’ and ‘what ifs’ is a wholly useless endeavor.
The queen met Applejack’s panicked eyes evenly. “You want the point of all this, you ask? Here it is: you now have as close to an unbiased account of what happened over two thousand years ago as there ever will be. You have all the facts you wanted and more. Whatever decisions you come to, they will be your own. That’s why I told you.”
Applejack sputtered incoherently. “B-but ah-! That’s-! This is just-!”
“Yes?” Chrysalis cocked an eyeridge.
“It’s all just so... stupid!” Applejack flailed her hooves helplessly.
Chrysalis shrugged. “This is war. It’s stupid by its very definition. What of it?”
“Ah-ah mean-!” The farmer desperately sought out the words. “Y’all both know what you did was wrong! Yer both sorry! Why can’t we all just- just stop this!? All of it!”
Chrysalis’ expression collapsed darkly. “Because both sides, us and Equestria alike, have done things that neither of us can take back. Neither of us is in a position where we can feasibly back down. On the one hand, several species are... simply put, gone. Someone needs to answer for that. On the other, Celestia, Luna and Cadance would put us back into our slumber out of a sense of self-preservation and a desire to protect all of pony-kind.”
Chrysalis shuddered violently before allowing an air of cold fury to seep into her being. “I went through that for over two thousand years. It wasn’t unpleasant, it wasn’t torture, but...” She shook her head definitively. “No. I see why the djinn and the trolls acted as they did. I shall die on my hooves awake and screaming curses at Celestia before I dare live a second longer on my knees in her dream, and that is a promise.”
Applejack stared at her in quiet horror. “So... there’s no way of stoppin’ this?”
“Don’t you think we would have used them if we had any!?” Chrysalis snapped tersely. “None of us want this war, but it’s the only option left available to any of us!” Slowly, the tension and frustration started to leak out of the queen, leaving her hunched over the table and looking empty and... tired. “I... We don’t want to fight... after all they did... after all that’s been said and done... they were still my friends... We were still Oligarchs...” She slowly turned away from the mare. “But the fact remains that we are beyond that point. It isn’t that we won’t stop this war... it’s that we both can’t. No matter how much we desire it.”
Chrysalis heaved a weary sigh as she stared off into the distance, magic absentmindedly flowing out of her horn and into the pair’s surroundings.
“Honestly...” She breathed, almost as if to herself. “What I wouldn’t give... to have one more day back...”
Applejack shifted nervously in her seat as the changeling’s magic slowly wound its way through the illusion’s frozen flames, obscuring her sight with a hazy green fog.
“Just one more day... with my friends...”
“AAAAAND IIIII, WIIIIIIILL ALWAAAAAAYS LOOOOOOOOVE-!”
THUNK!
“OUCH!”
Applejack jumped when a terrifyingly familiar voice belted out of the mists, only to be interrupted by the dull thunk of wood hitting flesh.
“Put a sock in it, Discord!”
Slowly, the mists cleared to reveal an entirely different scene. A large dining hall, with a high-flung roof and wooden tables both long and round alike. A bar was set up against one wall, though no one was manning it, and a massive bonfire crackled inside of a hearth fit to hold it. Lining the walls were a variety of weapons and armor, from shields to helmets to spears to swords and everything in between.
There were a variety of individuals peppering the hall. A large, gruff minotaur was sitting at the bar silently, nursing a mug of dark liquid. An extremely serpentine seven-headed hydra and what appeared to be a floating ragged bedsheet with skeletal arms were situated at one of the tables. The wraith and two of the hydra’s heads were clutching playing cards. Two more of the hydra’s heads were staring flatly at the cards it was clutching in its heads while the remaining three were resting on the table and dozing.
A giant gray dragon, with cracked stony scales, was lazing by the fireplace, his head balanced atop his crossed forelegs as he lazily observed the going-ons of the hall. A trio of cyclopes with armored heads were sitting around another table, talking quietly amongst themselves.
Gavrill was also present, her feet propped up on one of the tables and a large jug clutched in one hand. She was scowling darkly at a stage set up on the far-side of the hall, where Discord was clutching a microphone and scowling as he rubbed his skull where a flung flagon had struck it.
“Was that really necessary?” He whined.
“It is when you sing like a fucking skinned cat!” Gavrill growled. “Could you do us all a goddamn favor and shut the fucking hell up?!”
“It’s a dark day when I find myself agreeing with the savage.” Minos grumbled from the bar.
“Come on, Discord!” “Bad enough that the portals froze over in that Odin-damned blizzard and we can’t get home!” Serpense’s free heads grumbled. “The cards we’re getting are making this night bad enough as it is!” “Don’t make it worse on us.”
“Even the joy of parting this fool from his credits is starting to wane...” Solum Nox bemoaned. “We beseech you to not sour any further enjoyment we might derive from the endeavour with your caterwauling.”
“‘Caterwauling’!?” Discord gasped in an insulted manner. “I will have you know that I am an excellent singer, thank you very much!”
Humor swept across the length of the hall, ranging from light snickers to derisive guffaws.
“Discord, there aren’t a lot of ‘facts’ when matters concern you...” Daemos chuckled like a rumbling volcano. “But you being far from anyone’s definition of a ‘good singer’ is assuredly one of them.”
The draconequus’ mouth flapped open and shut in shock for a few moments before he finally settled on a miffed scowl. “Well, we’ll see about that!” He grinned malefically as he scanned the hall. “But I’ll need some help...” Finally, he grinned exuberantly as his eyes alighted upon the cyclopes. “You’ll do! Come on up, Lightning!”
SNAP!
“Hey!” The middle-sized giant yelped when he suddenly appeared on the stage, clad in a business suit and fedora and clutching a comfortably-sized harmonica.
“Thunder!”
SNAP!
“Woah!” The largest cyclops blinked in shock when he found himself dressed like his brother and situated behind a drum-set.
“And Thunderbolt!”
SNAP!
“Uhh...” The smallest storm-crafter stared at the accordion in his hands in confusion.
“Alright, boys, just like we practiced!” Discord’s grin was actually splitting his face, only a small layer of skin at the back of his neck holding his head together as he snapped his fingers again.
The cyclopes jerked and blinked in surprise before slowly looking at one another.
Finally, Thunder shrugged and twirled his drumsticks. “What the heck.”
Thunderbolt nodded in agreement as he tested the keys on his accordion. “Might as well.”
“It’s not like we’ve got a better way to pass the time!” Lightning chuckled good-naturedly.
Discord snapped his fingers again and seated himself in front of a grand piano, a microphone hanging in front of his grinning mouth.
The spirit of chaos started to tap his feet rhythmically. “Come on, guys! A one, a two, a one two three four!”
And with that, he started to play, a lilting tune wafting from his instrument and filling the hall.
The Turbine Brothers followed his lead, matching the rhythm he was setting with their instruments.
Gavrill scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Come on, dumbass, can’t you take a fucking hint?!” She hauled back the arm with which she was holding her jug. “You can’t fucking-!”
“IT’S NINE O’ CLOCK ON A SATURDAY!” Discord belted out, his voice ringing out to fill the hall.
Gavrill squawked in shock as she jerked and lost her balance, tumbling to the floor while the rest of the Oligarchs snapped their full attention to their mad compatriot.
“THE REGULAR CROWD SHUFFLES IN!” He went on, revelling in the attention being focused on him.
Suddenly, the doors to the hall burst open, allowing Scholar, the Princesses and all of his remaining creations to rush in, accompanied by a gust of snow-laden wind.
“Hel’s saggy tits, it’s cold enough to freeze an ice giant’s balls off out there!” Scholar cussed vehemently as he slammed the portal shut. “Could someone please get me some rum before my... toes...” He trailed off as the tune of the music reached his ears. “What the... I thought you could only play Weird Al Yankovic!”
“I’ll have you know that I can do a lot of things!” Discord cackled. “Why should I just do what I told you I can do?”
“A fair enough point.” Celestia laughed as she ruffled her wings in order to dislodge the snow that crusted them. “Come, let’s find a table. I’ll take some mulled wine, if you please.”
“Brandy for me.”
“A bottle of gin, please.”
“Once again, rhum!”
“WOOF!” Cerberus barked gleefully, padding across the hall to snuggle his ‘mass’ by the roaring fire.
“You got it!” Nix and Null crowed as they darted behind the bar and started rifling through bottles.
“Remind me, why do we, an assassin and a surgeon, the best in our fields, always act as servers whenever they want to get drunk?” Veronica grumbled.
“Because the more sauced they are, the less chance there is of anyone starting a fight and getting hurt, and I’d prefer not to spend my free time stitching everyone up...” Fran hummed as she accepted a variety of bottles from her older siblings.
“Oh, right.” The youngest homunculus rolled her eyes as she picked up a platter.
Meanwhile, Discord suddenly appeared on a stool next to Minos, the bar transfiguring into ivory keys beneath his fingers as he continued to play.
“THERE’S AN OLD MAN SITTING NEXT TO ME,
MAKING LOVE TO HIS TONIC AND GIN!” He crowed eagerly.
Laughter rippled throughout the hall as the minotaur shot a dirty glare at the draconequus, but he had a hard time hiding his smile in his mug.
“HE SAYS, ‘SON, CAN YOU PLAY ME A MEMORY?’” Discord sang as he sprang from the bar and swung through the air, piano and all.
“‘I’M NOT REALLY SURE HOW IT GOES!
BUT IT’S SAID AND IT’S SWEET AND I KNEW IT COMPLETE,
WHEN I WORE A YOUNGER MAN’S CLOTHES!’”
“That was a few centuries, you old slab of beef!” Gavrill cackled as she righted herself, eliciting a new round of laughter as Minos shot her a very specific gesture.
“LAAA LA LAAA, DI DAA DAAAAA,” Discord crooned into the microphone.
“LA LA, DI DA DA DA DUMMMM...” The Oligarchs hummed along.
“SING US A SONG, YOU’RE THE PIANO MAN!” Discord burst out, followed along by a few of the Oligarchs who were swaying along to the tune.
“SING US A SONG TONIGHT!
WELL WE’RE ALL IN THE MOOD FOR A MELODY!”
“AND YOU’VE GOT US FEELIN’ ALRIIIIGHT!” Nix and Null chorused as they refilled Minos’ drink.
“NOW JOHN AT THE BAR IS A FRIEND OF MINE!” Discord snapped into being in front of Daemos’ nose, the dragon bobbing his head along with a soft smile.
“HE GETS ME MY DRINKS FOR FREE!
AND HE’S QUICK WITH A JOKE, OR TO LIGHT UP YOUR SMOKE!”
The hall’s other residents cackled at that statement, even Daemos letting out one of his rumbling laughs.
“BUT THERE’S SOMEPLACE HE’D RATHER BE!” Discord swung his hand over his face in faux lament.
The chaotic being made to continue, but before he could Daemos slowly rose to his feet and rumbled out, “HE SAYS, ‘BILL, I BELIEVE THIS IS KILLING ME...’"
“AS THE SMILE RAN AWAY FROM HIS FACE!” Discord added in eagerly.
“‘WELL I’M SURE I COULD BE A MOVIE STAR!’” Daemos rose a claw high into the air and preened as best as he could, causing many of the onlookers to collapse into hysterics.
“‘IF ONLY I COULD GET OUT OF THIS PLACE!’”
“There’s not enough makeup in the world to make that happen, fire-spitter!” Scholar hooted.
“Please, you’re killing us!” Luna choked out as she hammered the table with her hoof, tears of laughter streaming down her face.
Discord giggled at the dragon’s overblown actions before falling back into the song. “LAAA LA LAAA, DI DAA DAAAAA...
LA LA, DI DA DA DA DUMMMM...”
He dropped into a seat between Solum and Serpense, the wight and hydra eyeing him with varying levels of eagerness and wariness.
“NOW PAUL IS A REAL ESTATE NOVELIST!” Discord swung an arm around the wight’s shoulders, drawing him in close.
“WHO NEVER HAD TIME FOR A WIFE!”
“Hilarious.” Solum Nox droned over the raucous laughter of the others.
“Only because it’s true!” Cadance cried out eagerly.
“AND HE’S TALKIN’ WITH DAVY, WHO’S STILL IN THE NAVY!” Discord went on, using his other arm to grab one of Serpense’s head while his feet continued to play the part of the table that had become his piano.
“AND PROBABLY WILL BE FOR LIFE!”
“I could have told you that.” Veronica rolled her eyes as she slid the platter of drinks she was holding onto Scholar and the Princesses’ table.
She then shrieked and attempted to cover herself with her arms when she noticed that she was suddenly wearing a frilly black and white outfit cut entirely too short on the chest and skirt.
“AND THE WAITRESS IS PRACTICING POLITICS!” Discord crowed from above her.
“Oh my...” Fran breathed as she looked over her new attire.
Scholar laughed heartily as he grabbed up a bottle and took a swig “Oh man that is-!”
“AS THE BUSINESSMEN SLOWLY GET STONED!”
Scholar promptly spit out his drink and looked at the new suits he and the Alicorns were wearing in shock for a moment before collapsing into hysterics along with the rest of his friends.
Veronica cursed and struggled with the maid’s outfit that was clinging to her with devilish tenacity. “Someone get me out of this thing!” She demanded.
“Why the fuck should we, pipsqueak!” Gavrill demanded through her laughter. “I actually think that looks pretty fucking good on you! Better than that piss-ugly thing you usually-GAH!” Gavrill’s taunts turned to a roar of pain as Veronica tackled her to the floor, Fran on her heels with a long-suffering expression on her face.
“YES THEY’RE SHARING A DRINK CALLED LONELINESS!” Discord grinned as the siblings fought, Fran struggling to wrench her sisters apart.
“BUT IT’S BETTER THAN DRINKING ALONE!”
“SING US A SONG, YOU’RE THE PIANO MAN!” The Oligarchs reprised, everyone swaying along with the rhythm by this point, even Minos and Solum Nox, their baritones mixing in with the song.
“SING US A SONG TONIGHT!
WELL WE’RE ALL IN THE MOOD FOR A MELODY!”
“AND YOU’VE GOT US FEELIN’ ALRIIIIGHT!” Nix and Null concluded, slamming a large casket on the bar, from which they started passing mug after mug to everyone in the hall.
“IT’S A PRETTY GOOD CROWD FOR A SATURDAY.” Discord went on, gleefully watching the Oligarchs laugh and drink alongside one another. “AND THE MANAGER GIVES ME A SMILE!” He saluted the madly grinning Scholar. “‘CAUSE HE KNOWS THAT IT’S ME WHO THEY’RE COMIN’ TO SEE!
TO FORGET ABOUT LIFE FOR AWHILE!”
“Only on the coldest, darkest, most gods-forsaken night of the year, you deranged bastard!”
“VERONICA!”
“GAHAHA! There’s hope for you yet, kid!”
Discord reappeared back on the stage with a flash and a bang, pounding away at the piano for all he was worth.
“AND THE PIANO, IT SOUNDS LIKE A CARNIVAL!” He hollered.
“AND THE MICROPHONE SMELLS LIKE A BEER!
AND THEY SIT AT THE BAR AND PUT BREAD IN MY JAR,
AND SAY, ‘MAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN’ HERE?’”
Suddenly, Scholar jumped on a table and held out his hand. “Come on, Chrysalis, whaddaya say? It’s the final refrain!”
Chrysalis jumped in shock at the sudden interaction, and before she could react her magic had already fizzled out and the illusion collapsed around her.
Applejack blinked slowly as she processed what had just happened. She and Chrysalis were back in the bar...
And every one of the patrons was staring at them in numb, silent shock.
Chrysalis’ eyes widened slowly as her expression became of of shame and horror. She then clenched her eyes shut and slumped over the table, tears of regret streaming down her face. “Damn it...” She muttered vehemently. “Stupid... stupid... damn it...”
The queen wallowed helplessly in her misery for what seemed like an eternity.
Then...
“Oh... laaa laaa laa di da daaa...”
Chrysalis’ head snapped up and stared at Applejack, a litany of emotions playing across her face.
Applejack flinched at the motion, but hastily swallowed and went on. “La la, di daaa...” She trailed off in an off-key tune.
Silence reigned over the bar, until finally...
“Oh... laaa laaa laa...” A Crystal Pony started, his voice low but certain.
“Di da daaa...” This time a changeling, who slowly stood up from his seat and swayed to an unheard tune.
One after another, pony after pony, changeling after changeling, Concordian after Concordian got to their hooves and started to hum and sing, following along with the song. “La la, di da...
New instruments were passed to those who could play, and a certain steady tune started to fill the bar.
“Da da dum...”
Chrysalis stared at the Concordians in shock, processing what was happening around her, trying to determine how best to react.
Finally, as the music started to crescendo, she came to a decision.
“SING US A SONG, YOU’RE THE PIANO MAN!” She shouted as she sprang to her hooves, her voice ringing clear and loud over the patrons.
“SING US A SONG TONIGHT!”
“WELL WE’RE ALL IN THE MOOD FOR A MELODY!” Applejack led the ponies in crying out, nodding her head along to the music. “AND YOU’VE GOT US FEELIN’ ALRIIIIGHT!”
“LAAA LA LAAA, DI DAA DAAAAA!” Chrysalis cried.
“LA LA, DI DA DA DA DUMMMM!” The Concordians replied.
And so they went, for the rest of the party, singing and singing and singing, screaming their defiance at the hopelessness of their situation for as long and as powerfully as they could.
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Nice chapter. The scene with the song was quite entertaining, and seeing Rainbow and Gilda thrash everybody in the bar was quite enjoyable as well.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
I really loved this chapter. The brawl scene was touching and fun to read at the same time, while the song at the end got me feelin, and it's great to know what Candace was lying about. Also, history!
5947649 Dang beat me to first comment
5947658 dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
I like this chapter. We're finally getting back into more serious things instead of senseless slapstick. I also applaud you on making this a Grey and Gray Morality setting; while we're more sympathetic towards the main characters, they themselves acknowledge that they're to blame as well for what happened. I'm looking forward to seeing more chapters like this.
I STILL can not feel any thing but disgust and contempt for tia, luna and caddy. The actual reason IF there is one for the harmony miasma still has yet to be put out for us read. For all that had been planned to happen to equestrian, as long as the three alicorns were the last so they could see what they brought on I'm numb to it. I believe in karma
Loved Gilda's and Rainbow's barroom fight
5947694 the reason I think it is, is that she stopped thinking about the big picture the entire world and stop caring about anything but her little pony's she says she is sorry for the extinction for the other race but she lies that she would take it back, she would do it again.
tia, luna, and caddy are the ones that started this they are the root of the problem, remove them and the rest of the world can heal
5947694 it sound so far that the harmony field was put up because it affected the ponies the LEAST but the other races are crippled
Oh yay, yet another "Equestria is all an evil lie" abuse-the-cast porno. Huzzah. how FASCINATING.
Thumbs down and you lose all internets forever.
Discord singing Weird Al and Billy Joel. I imagined John de Lancie's voice the whole time and it was awesome.
5947873 Okay, it may be somewhat unoriginal, but it's well written enough that it's still a good story.
5947873 if that's what you talk away after reading this then A: you haven't read this chapter or any other chapter of this story
or B: you just you just skimmed this chapter didn't even read it all the way and just automatically assume you know everything about the story what the authors going to do with it where he is going with the plot line how it's going to end. so to sum up what I'm trying to say here is either you haven't read the story at all or you're so ignorant and arrogant that that you automatically assume the worst without even taking the right look at it
5948005 It's a bluff, he just looks pissed off enough at the moment that Celestia and Luna aren't willing to risk it.
Would it be too spoilerific if you put what this was crossing over with in the description? Because if I jumped into this thinking it's a crossover with D&D and it turned out to be crossed with something else, that would kill my desire to read it, even if it is good.
5915814
Actually, the game was referencing an older meme.
vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/warhammer40kfanon/images/c/cd/Drive_me_closer_i_want_to_hit_them_with_my_sword.png/revision/latest?cb=20091011115912
Freakin' Commissars...
Everything in this chapter made me smile... Eventually
There's a difference between protecting and coddling.
I teared up this is it you have made me feel all of the emotions with one story sadness, happiness, anger, humor. All my internets belong to you.
>5947873 Those in glass houses should not cast stones: Two words DARTH VULCAN your story also falls prey to your criticism and to be honest until I see some form of apology to Xomniac for your hypocrisy I will not be able to enjoy your story.
Awesome chapter.
There comes a day when we must all pay for our sins and the price is always the same death the time of the celestial sisters is over and cadence must shoulder the burden they have given her i dont want this to end in some unbelievable happy ending where they are all friends too mich has been lost and the time of reconing is here.
the more I know celestia and luna but I want them to be defeated and humiliated all started for them hypocrites damn I hope this defeat close
and apparently some of the mane six begin to doubt with that celestia lose their elements faster than it looks
I wonder how to react twi twi know the truth celestia be so blind as to follow worshiping and believing it is the perfect and benebolente celestia
or the blindfold is removed and start thinking for herself
You've stepped up your game, sir. Nice to see this story retain some seriousness.
5949422 Just because it decides to have some fun some times does not mean that this story has forgotten its roots, or that I have forgotten where this story is headed. Do try to remember that, dear readers.
(Seriously though, thanks for the comment, I hope you enjoy future chapters.)
The ending was more than beautiful. Seriously. I can barely see the screen through my tears. Good show, good show.
Um... sorry to be "That Guy", but there's actually a rule against having music lyrics in your story. It's shown whenever you go to create/edit a story.
It's under guidelines and rules.
5949807 Thanks for the catch. If Xomniac doesn't already know, I'll go alert him.
5947873
Really Reality? I usually would simply ignore this comment, however, you have written a story with similar beliefs. Also, this story isn't simply "They're evil, they must die", it explores the rather understandable reasons for why this happened, in a biased view as Chrysalis said. I hope you apologize to Xomniac, but if you don't, I, and the writer probably, don't care. Have a nice day!
Beautiful. I see the Elements joining Scholar. Until he realizes what they really are. Then I see chaos to rival Discord's madness.
^Almost everything after seems to be in bold. Was that intentional?
No...no, Chrysalis' opinion is still biased.
5950244 Yeah, it's meant to indicate a flashback, or events that occurred in the days of Concordia.
God damn! ALL of the feels!
you sir, have done something incredible. You made me sing along to Piano Man. i was never a big billy joel fan, but the way this scene works so perfectly, I could not help but sing with the mighty oligarchs.
Probably one of the best chapters in a story that i've read in a while. All the feels, all of them.
I kinda want to see the rise and fall of concordia.| I love this story.
Poor Chrysalis, you could praticly feel her just aching for the Days when they all were friends and just had fun.
As much as I love this chapter for all the feelz and silliness and seriousness. All I can think after reading Gilda and Dash's scene is "Get a Fuckin' room you two"
Nice exposition man. Although, I can't help but feel that the plot is becoming a little too... Bulky. Especially with the addition of the Elder council.
I understand if you don't agree, but I fear the story is losing it's momentum. Don't abandon character development entirely, just try to stick to the essentials for now. I just feel it unwise to spend too much time in Vitrum, as awesome a city as it is.
I'm going to have to disagree with Chrysalis there, war can(occasionally) be a good thing. If the Allies hadn't gone to war with the Nazis, what would the world be like now? For one thing, the Great Depression would still be raging. There'd be no internet. No Neclear power plants. The Eugenics Movement(monsters that they were) would still be in power, as would the Nazis themselves. And communism would still be the law of the land in Russia.
Is it wrong that I started laughing when Chryalis started describing their plan?
5950493
Update?
I enjoyed this chapter. ANOTHER!!!
6027270
6051108
We're working on it, keep your shirt on.
5994437
We're going to be moving on from Vitrum soon, don't worry. Two more chapters, at the very worst. And rest assured, I will be riding herd on Xomniac to try and keep the story manageable.
6056610
Thanks, I'm very glad to hear that. I just wanted to make sure that he knew the story was going to go.
It just seemed to me that he was going off on a little tangent is all. If you say you've got it under wraps, I'll believe you.
You lost me at the barfight scene, but the song portion at the end was really nice.
6165848 Because they are childreen? What do childreen know about the higher workings of the world, emotions, opinions?
Everyone threttening the world to bath in blood, because his own family was hurt, is a Hippocratic fool...
And he is no excuse.
5948789
HAAAAAAAA!!!! OWNED AND BURNED SUCKAAA!!!
I really hate it when stories as good as these die D:
6185561 It ain't dead, I'm just taking a break and focusing on other projects. Chapter 27 was started awhile back and I intend on continuing. If this story dies, then I'll tell you it's dead.