• Published 10th Jun 2014
  • 22,375 Views, 1,481 Comments

Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold - Dropbear

After being banished by Celestia for his misdeeds, the alien Emperor of the Crystal Empire is back... and out for revenge.

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A Change For the Better

“There you are sir, there are more being prepared in the kitchens as we speak.”

“Thank you Fields, but I think this will be more than enough already.”

“Very good Emperor, please let me know if your require anything else.”

Strategy focused on the huge stack of buttered pancakes that dominated his plate, and he smacked his lips in anticipation. Not even glancing towards the waiter as the stallion trotted back to the kitchens, he forced himself to sit patiently and wait.

His ears pricked up at the sound of hoof steps from behind him, a grin gracing his face when a certain mare moved to the spare seat beside him after giving him a peck on the cheek.

“Morning,” he greeted while Sparkling joined him. He glanced towards the datapad she placed down on the table, its electronic screen filled with a flurry of information. “I didn’t want to wake you, considering the time you were up to last night.”

“I know,” she sighed, immediately reaching for the coffeepot in front of them. “Still, all of the crop reports are finished at least. At this rate, the storehouses won’t be able to keep up with production and we may actually have to think about trading it off to Equestria.”

Strategy smirked at that, before carefully taking a bite of pancake. Chewing, he glanced over as Sparkling touched her nose to the pad’s surface. A new screen popped up, the mare studying it intently.

“You know, you don’t have to do that stuff anymore.”

“I like it,” she replied with a smile. “Strange I know, but it just feels right when I do it myself.” Her smile grew. “Also, we’ve gotten a report from Chrysalis. It seems like they’ve found a seam of gold as well in the latest shaft, bigger than the others so far. They’ve already begun to dig it up and will be ready to start transporting it shortly.”

The news caused him to roll his eyes. “Let me guess, she wants-“

“It’s only a few extra items,” Sparkling cut in. “A bigger bed, some new and fancier bedsheets, one of those ‘simulator pads’ that she’s seen in those human magazines…”

“A simulator pad? Are you kidding? Have you seen the price of those things?” His mind went back to the advertisement he had seen, likely the same as Chrysalis. “Sure, it’s amazing and I want one myself, but for Chrysalis?”

“She’s been good, and the mines are going really well.”

“Still,” he huffed. “We both know that it’s just because she’s so terrified of the Lead Researcher coming back.”

Sparkling shook her head at him with a sigh. “Okay, how about I talk to the trade official and see whether we can get a deal for two, hmm?” He gave a grumble in response, Sparkling leaning in closer. “Come on; if we give her this then maybe there will eventually be no need for the threat of the Lead Researcher. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

When she gave his neck a brief nuzzle, he could do nothing but give in.

“Gah, fine.”

Sparkling hummed and pressed her nose against the datapad’s screen a few more times, before she pushed it away and began to help herself to a large platter of breakfast fruits that was off to the side. “On that topic, I still can’t believe that it’s been two months. You’d think we’d have heard something by now.”

Strategy grunted, a small smile on his face. “Who knows, they’re both probably on some far-off planet somewhere and have forgotten about us.” He gestured towards the datapad in the center of the table. “After all, it’s not like we don’t have the means to be contacted by them.”

Just as he had said those fateful words and was about to take another bite of delicious breakfast, there was a knock on the stone wall behind them. Turning around in their seats, both Strategy and Sparkling laid eyes upon a very nervous looking human male who was standing in the corridor.

“Uh, good morning Your Highnesses,” the man greeted, one hand running through his short brown hair while the other gripped the handle of a large silver case. Strategy gave him a quick once-over, the off-white lab-coat clearing marking the newcomer as some kind of scientist.

“Good morning,” Sparkling returned with a warm smile before tilting her head. “You’re new, aren’t you? I make it a point to meet all of the scientists that arrive.”

“Yes, I am,” the human answered, standing a little straighter as he tried his own smile. “My name is Jay Hsu, and I just arrived earlier. I’m actually on my way to join the rest of the geological team based at the west mines, but I’ve been asked to do something before.”


The scientist placed his case on the ground and unlocked it, before he pulled out a flat rectangle that was a dull grey. It fitted easily into his hands, and he carefully walked over to present it to them.

“A man gave it to me in the spaceport before I took the transport here, and asked me to deliver it to you.” He glanced around as Sparkling carefully took the rectangle from him with a raised eye. “I think he was ISA,” Hsu whispered. “Going off the way he knew who I was and where I was going. So you can see why I wasn’t going to argue with him or refuse.”

He backed away and picked up his case, warily glancing at the device that Sparkling was examining. “Anyway, I’m sorry for interrupting your breakfast, Emperor and Empress. I must be getting to the camp before I miss too much.”

“Thank you so much,” Sparkling bid farewell. “Have a good trip.”

Hsu smiled once more before giving a quick bow and leaving from the way he had come, silver case in hand.

Watching him turn a corner, Strategy looked back at Sparkling and peered at the rectangle. “What is it?”

“I think it’s a… ah! There we go!”

Light flicked on as the screen of the device lit up. Both leaned over to stare at it, the picture quite shaky to start off with.

“Nigel, come on, it can’t be that hard.”

“Don’t rush me, I got this. A little to the left… and there!”

The picture cleared up, revealing none other than a smiling Chalmers and Reflection. Both seemed to be outside on a beach, waves slowing lapping at the sand while a red-and-white umbrella provided shade. Nigel was wearing a loose-fitting blue shirt and shorts while he faced the camera, while Reflection was lounging on a beach chair with nothing but a towel and a large pair of sunglasses.

“Only took ten minutes,” Reflection murmured with a smirk, Nigel glancing back at her.

“And I’m sure one such as yourself would have had it done in a flash,” he fired back, Reflection merely taking a sip of an ornate fruit-laden cocktail with a giggle. “Anyway,” Nigel continued, looking back at the camera. “Hello Sparkling and Strategy, or as they say on Perchav Seven, ‘Nuk-nuk Kowowie’. Sorry for not calling earlier, but me and Reflection have been a little busy.”

On the screen, Nigel sat down in his own chair.

“By now you’ve most certainly seen the Judge and read the instructions we left, so I hope the whole ‘rulers’ thing is working out for you two.” He chuckled, looking back over towards Reflection. “Eh, who am I kidding? They’re probably doing a far better job than we ever did!” That earned a laugh from Reflection, the changeling adjusting her spot.

“They can keep it,” she dismissed with a hoof wave. “I’ll gladly trade power for beaches and booze.”

“Evidently,” Chalmers muttered with a grin, turning back to the camera. “Moving on, I guess you’ll want an update. Well, let’s just say that all charges were dropped, certain guys in Legal got really pissed off at my boss, and those gems are really making it big with R and D. I’ve copped some flak and me and Reflection have been getting some stares and comments, but after I nearly killed this one guy with a table people are more curious than outright judgmental.”

“Pfft, I had it under control,” Reflection huffed, before she lifted her glasses with a hoof. “So same from me, hope you two are doing well. We plan to drop in some time to visit, but as you can see there’s some things we need to take care off still.” Grinning, she gave them a wink. “Nigel still has to take me to a snow planet like he promised, so I can try this ‘skiing’ thing.”

“Ha, it’s going to be utterly disaster free, isn’t it?” Nigel muttered the last part, Reflection rolling her eyes at him before focusing back.

“Anyway, Nigel said that his boss has set you up with some cool trade deals, so I hope things are going well. I would talk for longer, but the sun is only up for five hours on this planet and the nights are colder than a snowstorm. I’ll have to bring you both gifts when I get back.”

“Same here,” Nigel butted in. “Anyway, good luck guys.” His smile dropped slightly. “Running that place, you’ll need it.”

“Nigel, stop teasing them or I’ll-“

The screen fizzled out, with Strategy and Sparkling left to stare at the blank panel with a million thoughts running through their heads.

“Good to see nothing’s changed,” Sparkling murmured with a shake of her head, before she picked up her data pad and left the table. “Come on, we’ve got Morning Court on in five minutes.”

She trotted out of the room, Strategy giving one last mournful look towards his rapidly cooling (and half finished) plate of pancakes.

“Coming,” he sighed, sliding out of his seat and making to trot after her. “Missing Court would be such a harsh blow to my day.” Continuing to grumble, his mind drifted off to earlier memories.

‘It almost makes me wish I was still Captain and Chalmers was Emperor.’

“Gah,” he grumbled while he shook his head at the thought. “Something must be wrong with me.”

With that, he put the sour thoughts out of his mind and instead focused on the coming day of running a successful and powerful Empire.

The End.

Author's Note:

So, that's the end of the fic. No doubt there will be some disappointment that the Crystal Empire didn't end up conquering the world in a bloody orgy of pony-limbs, but they've certainly come out on top.

A profitable trade deal with a powerful ally, Chalmers is no longer in charge and thus two clear-headed rulers are in his stead, and Chrysalis looks set to get a simulator pad.

What more could you want?

*Braces for the 'you should have done this' comments*

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