• Member Since 12th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 5th, 2016

Ethereal Cerberus


The official joint page of SovietBacon, Dumbgamer99 and ShadowHorizons!

T

The year is 2806, and Humanity has long left the loving embrace of their planet. After defeating the fanatical Enlightened, a warmongering alien race who had come to destroy them, many thought that an era of peace and prosperity was to come.

But that was not the case. Earth was lost in the war, and Humanity was divided.

A galactic civil war is raging in the galaxy, and three notorious pirates seeking to leave that life depart on a voyage to find the long-lost homeworld of Humanity: Earth. But complications arise as their destination is far more colourful, and far more occupied than originally expected…

Follow the tale of the Cerberus Pirates, and their struggles on a foreign world with nothing but the technology on their persons and the wreck of their ship to work with. Striving to get back to Mother Earth, and doing whatever it takes to achieve that goal.

--------

[Gore tag is more of a warning that things get a bit intense, but not to a sickening degree. Merely a word of caution, as it were.]
[The Team: Dumbgamer99 (Slayer), SovietBacon (Yuri), and Shadow Horizons (Drake)]
[Current Beta-Readers (thanks a tonne, you guys!): Rokkurin, PhiliChez]

Chapters (12)
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Comments ( 186 )

Sounds promising. I'll definitely read this and let you know how i feel! :twilightsmile:

Will read shortly, this sounds like it'll be good.

Holy shit, this can only end in the best way possible... IT'S GREAT! :rainbowkiss:

YYYYYYEEEEESSSSS!!!!! I like this already!

mhhmhmhmhm OOOH DIS GUNA BE GOOD i think...:derpyderp1:

The amount of back story in this is amazing. The prologue has some very detailed bits about the history that I liked, and the chapter shows a excellent setting for any number of actual Sci Fi books.
In other words, I want MOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAR:flutterrage::flutterrage:!!!!!

I enjoyed it to a degree, although I skipped pieces of the sci-fi space battle, as the characters are rather strange for my tastes. I assume that they're military, in which case the excessive alcohol and swearing is a little out of place, especially for the crew of what is stated to be a flagship.

In addition, why would humanity keep all of their information on one computer, especially since the internet and numerous hard copies and backups would make it next to impossible to loose such information, and even if they lost the directions, it shouldn't be hard to find again. As the Doctor would say "How do you loose a planet?"

The pony history was better, if a little drawn out, with scenes such as the one with the CMC appearing to be redundant.

But your writing style is composed and manageable, without any glaring errors or faux-pas, and whilst your characterisation of the humans was lacking, your portrayal of the ponies was spot on, with Spike's little drama, and Luna's muses adding some creative flare to a scene that veterans have seen a thousand times by now.

So status report:

Engine: FUBAR
Shields: FUBAR
Stabilizers: FUBAR
Generator: FUBAR
Hull: FUBAR

Yup, definitively a one way trip.

Dude, Very nice story. Very clean in a lot of aspects, the action is just perfect, moments of intensiveness, and then lulls, just like a real battle. The part with them sneaking on board, and then cheese-ing it? Pretty cool. I can only wait to see where this story will go. Keep on going!

>>Stalking_Z0mbie

We're hoping to update it every two weeks, but we are trying to collaborate our four schedules, so that might not quite happen as often as we'd like. However, we do try to get together every night or so to work on it, so frequently is the best answer I can provide. :rainbowkiss:

834400

They're not military. They're pirates.

Great start of a potentially epic story.

844104
Shadow Horizons: A little explanation then. The ship they were on was a Syndicate Flagship. Their ship is actually a much smaller one. Would you be so kind as to point out where exactly the confusion is caused so we could examine it and possibly make some minor changes to make it clearer?

844239

Your writing style for the chapter is very flowery, which is baaad for someone who skim reads like me (as many assumptions are made).

The reader has to wait till the sixth paragraph till they get a hint that someone's hacking something, and even then it's unsaid if it's their ship or not. The title states that they're on a flagship and then switches over to a description of, stuff... assumptions are made whilst the audience are scratching their heads regarding what's happening (lack of immediate action suggests that they're in home territory).

The start of a scene is where the tone is set, the first paragraph in particular is the hook, and the first paragraph for this scene in particular is rather pointless. An immediate jump into action stating the sides, objectives and the scenario would have been preferable.

LOL loved the line
Will I Dream
cant remember where its from though
=(

For some reason, I can relate to Yuri alot. Is that bad?

I made an effort to read, and can say that you need to engage the readers with some sort of hook, especially with regards with the walk through the desert.

You see, there was a whole section where two people walked and talked about things that were of no real consequence to us, and made references to things that the audience have no attachment to. I mean :

“Since I assumed such, the amount I placed in there to hire some goons to distract the fool was transferred to my personal account in advance.”

What is that supposed to mean? It is supposed to make me feel impressed? or curious? or frightened?

It may be that this is some form of bonding scene to show the art of pointless conversation, in which case I support you fully, as such conversations help us to know more about characters, their likes, dislikes and quirks. But I didn't really get much from this conversation. However this is more like a scene in the new Star Wars trilogy where Obi wan and Anikin are going up in a lift and they're talking about stuff that they did and other stuff that happened whilst I'm watching them, hoping that someone will shoot them some time soon.

Other than that there's the thing with first paragraphs. The first two paragraphs for the chapter got the settings ready perfectly, however with regards to the last scene you didn't seem to replicate the success as there's excessive purple prose.

“Slayer!” A voice yelled across the desert, breaking the silence that had fallen. It was a lone bipedal figure [I know what a human looks like], its colors greatly contrasting against the yellow landscape surrounding it [which colours?]. Its appendages [hands!] at the end of its forearms reclined easily in its lower garment [pants!] pockets as the creature [human!] strolled leisurely. ”Slayer, where are you?” The voice called out again [Again? did I get dropped in the middle of something?], in a mocking voice as if he was looking for its pet [Doesn't look like he's mocking him]. “Slay-”

Here's how I would have written it:

The desert sun hung in the mid-morning sky bathing the sand in a harsh golden glow. A man walked across the barren plains, his green and grey attire marred with streaks of black and red where fire and blood covered his once pristine clothes. "Sla-yer" he sung, hands cupped around his mouth, eyes dancing in mirthful joy, giddy and rushing with the adrenaline that only came to men who had farted in the face of death. "Sla-yer, you bubblebutt! I know you're out there, come-out, come-out wherever you- ACK!"

Of course the last section with the humans suggested that they would walk out and begin following the tracks together so the ambush seems a little out of place with where we left them.

Other things that seemed out of place was things like :

Slayer idly gazed at his fingers, despite him wearing gloves as he continued.[how do gloves stop you from looking at your hands?]

or:

Slayer could see clearly in the dark; however, Yuri needed something to help his vision.

Because he’s incompetent, Slayer told himself, mentally rolling his eyes at his companion. [lol wut, incompetent? how!]

The rest of the chapter was good, although I do wonder why the doctor pony isn't the head of the royal guard instead of Shining Armour.

946226

Ah, I see you have several opinions on the desert scene that was technically under my 'payroll', as it were. Being the writer of Slayer, and writing alongside SovietBacon (who does the personality of Yuri), I felt compelled to answer this personally. I'll address each issue the best I can, and offer my own opinions alongside yours.

1.

“Since I assumed such, the amount I placed in there to hire some goons to distract the fool was transferred to my personal account in advance.”

What is that supposed to mean? It is supposed to make me feel impressed? or curious? or frightened?

I was attempting to go with the feeling of being impressed. I wrote this bit to try and show that Slayer wasn't some mindless, bloodthirsty hit-man. But rather, that he had intelligence and foresight to be able to analyse subjects with the skill of a scholar. Perhaps it wasn't specific enough, or perhaps it just wasn't need. This leads to...

2.

It may be that this is some form of bonding scene to show the art of pointless conversation, in which case I support you fully, as such conversations help us to know more about characters, their likes, dislikes and quirks. But I didn't really get much from this conversation. However this is more like a scene in the new Star Wars trilogy where Obi wan and Anikin are going up in a lift and they're talking about stuff that they did and other stuff that happened whilst I'm watching them, hoping that someone will shoot them some time soon.

Once again, I was going with the former. I did feel a similar sense of what you spoke up regarding the Star Wars scene, but I (hopefully) thought that it was fleshed out enough to be able for one to easily recognize that it was meant to help build characterization.

3.

The first two paragraphs for the chapter got the settings ready perfectly, however with regards to the last scene you didn't seem to replicate the success as there's excessive purple prose.

“Slayer!” A voice yelled across the desert, breaking the silence that had fallen. It was a lone bipedal figure [I know what a human looks like], its colors greatly contrasting against the yellow landscape surrounding it [which colours?]. Its appendages [hands!] at the end of its forearms reclined easily in its lower garment [pants!] pockets as the creature [human!] strolled leisurely. ”Slayer, where are you?” The voice called out again [Again? did I get dropped in the middle of something?], in a mocking voice as if he was looking for its pet [Doesn't look like he's mocking him]. “Slay-”

Ah. The dreaded 'purple prose'. One of my primary weaknesses in terms of third-person writing. To be honest, I have no rebuttals. It was overdone, and I accept that I screwed up. Your example, however. intrigues me. I would ask if I could implement it, but I'm overstepping boundaries as is with me writing this unsupervised.

4.

Other things that seemed out of place was things like :

Slayer idly gazed at his fingers, despite him wearing gloves as he continued.[how do gloves stop you from looking at your hands?]

or:

Slayer could see clearly in the dark; however, Yuri needed something to help his vision. Because he’s incompetent, Slayer told himself, mentally rolling his eyes at his companion. [lol wut, incompetent? how!]

Once again, another slip-up. I apologize for not thoroughly double-checking the scenes during my 'editing' attempt around midnight. The errors you noted were due to me forgetting a few key words that made sense of the actions and thoughts. They will be implemented soon, because for now I'm getting tired, and I fear I'll soon collapse on my keyboard.

That's all I felt I needed to address. I appreciate that you made the effort to read it, and thank you for pointing out my errors. Don't fret, for I'll fix these mistakes, posthaste!

For now, Dumbgamer99 must lie down for awhile...

947230

I may have come off a bit harsh when I said that I made an attempt to read, and would like to point out that I meant it to mean that I read the work with a critical eye, one that would have otherwise skimmed stuff and not cared about it in the slightest. I may come off as harsh, but it's cause I want to see you do good.

But with part 1, I must point out that such advanced character traits are pointless in the face of the baser ones. Seeing his haggling skills can be left for later, however a depiction of how serious he is, or how dry his humour is are things that make the character who they are fundamentally, with everything else acting as little more than window dressing. For example after the ambush Slayer could berate Yuri for getting himself lost, or being foolish enough to shout in a place where the local wildlife can pop out of the dunes and suck off his face. That would create a dynamic between the two that would make us want to see more.

I don't mind if you use my example, but rereading it I'm beginning to hate my own work (happens every time I try to write a fic), but I wouldn't want to force you to do anything that would break your group dynamic, this is your fic and here you guys are kings.

I imagine Slayer's suit looking like this
newvegas.nexusmods.com/mods/images/35130-1-1288293882.png
How accurate/incorrect am I?

The really important thing is that they still have Vodka. Without that what a grim future it would be!:pinkiehappy:

Ah, updated. Perfect! A nice ending to a perfect day.

Nice chapter, but why is it unconcious humans saved in equestria and taken to Canterlot always wake up and then proceed to knock out the doctor tending to them? :rainbowhuh: :rainbowlaugh: :facehoof:

1208295

What game is that from? I'm guessing a Fallout New Vegas mod based on the gun, but I'm not sure.

1209159 Its from the mod Reinforced Chinese Stealth Armor for FONV.

For some reason, I picture Yuri and Slayer as Shrike and BB from Zuerel's cartoons, and Drake as Mal from Firefly...

1208295

Well, I say you're in half-in-half. The mask is a full face-plate (meaning it's all shiny glass), so Slayer could be able to look at his peripherals without moving his head as much. The armour is red, and certain sections are flexible and black.

tldr.me/1w7rgml.jpg

Here it is, in view-able form (the basic form at least, some things were edited out through verbal descriptions). Though, I do like the picture you showed. So, consider that one you showed a possible camouflage for Slayer, should the situation call for it.

-Dumb

1208717 The sad thing is they left the vodka on the ship...
1208791 Thanks for enjoying it! Any sugjestions or opinions for the story?
1209048 Patience, it will come!

-Soviet

1209159
Drake has very good reasons for knocking out the doc. And the guards. The simplest way to put it without giving too much away is that he really doesn't like being captured, which, for all intents and purposes, he basically is.

What would you do if you suddenly woke up on a possibly hostile alien world only to find that you were in a guarded room and stripped of all your possessions? Especially if you were a pirate?

-Shadow

1213131

Oh, no complaints there. I was more commenting on the trope that Human Captured > Hospital > Hitting the Doctor over the Head. :pinkiegasp: :rainbowlaugh: It's getting to be up there with Twilight Wakes up with Wings > Twilight tries to hide Wings while Freaking Out. :twilightoops: :rainbowlaugh: As far as mlp story tropes seem to go.

As to your question: I'd have an anxiety attack, and with no possessions that'd mean my Ativan would be missing so... Panic, lots of blind, hiding in the corner panic. :fluttershyouch:

first you said 800 years, then you said 200, then you said almost 700. but luna's been sealed in the moon for 1000 years. something should be done ro preserve continuity :twilightsheepish:

1217751
I can't find where it says 800, but the 200 was a mistake. Thanks for catching it! :scootangel:
-Shadow Horizons

Woop! Finally getting somewhere.... Now just another 8-10 weeks for an update :D
Gone are the days when writers would update their fics every week

Huzza! Lot's of good ol' stories getting updates lately!

Well, you four took your sweet time getting this done...

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