The last thing you remember was being blown out a hole in the side of a crashing star cruiser, catching fire in the upper atmosphere and falling to your death upon an alien world below, yet there you are, whole and mostly unscathed and without a clue how you got there. But just because you survived the crash, it doesn't mean you're anywhere near out of the woods yet. With nothing but your power armor, rifle and wits to guide you, can you survive the depths of the swamps and forests of Everfree? And even if so, what about beyond?
[Second Person POV] [Sci-Fi]
Chapters (2)
EPICNESS
MOAR
Moar!
Interesting, but quick question:
How come the first hostile creature encountered in almost every HiE fic I've seen is a manticore? Not knocking your fic at all, it's just something I've noticed.
I don't really like 2nd person stories, but this is an exception!
Well thats was epic! I'm not a huge fan of 2nd person stories, but this one lookes interesting. Ima just watch this and see were it goes. Good luck!
Awesome! I will watch it grow! And feed on the brains of others...
Godspeed and goodluck!
Liked and faved, please write more.
Awesome I love when a HiE doesn't have a goodie* good hero who wanna be loved and protect everything
(plz make more chapters for this)
This is awesome.
Although I think when you type 'strait' you mean 'straight'.
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I have to say I noticed that as well. Good story Though. make sure to continue it!
Sir, I demand MOAR!
This is an epic piece of fiction, and I want to see where this goes!
Wow guys. I gotta say, I was not expecting this kinda response, at all. In truth I kinda threw this together to get a plot bunny out of my head, but I didn't expect this kinda response. To that, I say thank you. I'm glad you like it, hehe.
To answer some questions while I hammer out a real plot here, I chose manticores because, well, why not? Honestly I need to brush up on my mythology a bit, especially that of the Grecko-Roman period. Combination of them being convenient and established is what cemented them, but don't worry, they aren't the last or the least of what ancient mythology has in store.
As for the other thing, with the spelling, I'm going to be honest. I run a spellchecker and do a quick read through just to make sure it all sounds okay and so that I don't have any hanging sentences or missing punctuation or anything. If it looks right, I'll run it as it, you know? Little things slip through the cracks, so I appreciate any help in finding them. Thankee
I must say that i really liked way you described mankinds relationship with fire, you sure do have a way with words.
What is this?
Yet another human in Equestria, but without glaringly obvious cliches? Seemingly competent main character? A human who was not trampled by a manticore? Explained tech? Only a few understandable typos?
Surreal.
Please continue this exempt from Sturgeon's law.
This story seems oddly familiar for some reason...
*scratches chin*
Hmmm...
profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-ash2/276485_223745744347909_871916503_n.jpg
ZOMGWTFBBQ!!!!1!! NEW CHAPTER!!
"With nothing but your power armor, rifle and wits to guide you" you call that nothing!? The rife alone should be able to one shot most everything (if not everything) in the Everfree
OH, HELL YEAH! New chapter.
It's -> Abbreviated form of 'it is'.
Its -> Something belonging to it.
"You notice it's eyes are ringed with a kind of pinkish-purple paint, that it has feathers that hang over it's face dipped in a similar dye, styled, apparently, in that fashion."
All of the above should be 'its' instead, see?
...Yeah, might want to fix that. Anyway, so far so good. Nice work!
Thank you for the new Chap.
No glaring problems that I could see....so good job
Good lord. Is that the influence of David Weber or John Ringo I hear in your writing? Please say yes.
This is...most fabulous. And interesting.
Have a 'stache or two
(maybe 
)
Holy shit, that was amazing. I don't get this very often, a story that's really good even though it's in second person. Oh hell yes there's another chapter.
And now that I read the two chapters fully....
Good job sir. Keep it up!
That is one SWEET set of armor, wow.
Awesome chapter, too! Great work here.
EDIT: ...Again. "It's =/= Its" thing.
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in my story the first hostile creature is the royal guard
Damn
. That was so incredible I can't find the effort to hate on the second person view. It is that riveting. You are ruining my schtick.
You said before that you weren't sure if you were going to continue this. I think it is fully within our ground as readers to suggest that you not writing more may be grounds for severe violence on your person.
Sweet.
Also, damn fine fight scenes, though pretty gory.
I'm looking forward to the rest
>>"but he needed silicone for repairs to your suit"
you probably meant "you needed"
Hrm. This is pretty interesting! Will wait for more.
However, you seem to have a lot of trouble with it's versus its.
To quote Strong Bad:
Also:
That's... not what expunged means. I think you meant to say "extrapolated."
You have to give the griffon team credit, if I saw that shit I would not have stayed around. That is 'nuke it from orbit' level bad news.
Edit: I actually have to feel sorry for Gilda. What could have been going through her head at the end, before the protagonist put away his blade? "Oh shit I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die," I imagine. He's so advanced compared to pretty much everything in Equestria, the reactions should be amazing from this point out.
This is some badass armour
I had this in mind until it described
images.wikia.com/crackdown/images/4/47/TheAgent_art--article_image.jpg
793549
Yeah, three meters tall is kind of going beyond just powered armor, and is more along the lines of 'walking tank'.
LOVE IT
Love the scientific detail.
If they both talk to each other in english I swear I'm going to kill someone.
Dear god, THANK YOU for having them speak different languages. Convenient same language use in HiE fics is one of my biggest pet peeves, and I like this story too much for it to be ruined like that. Also, I thought the armor would be alot... smaller than the picture you linked to. Still badass though. So, this is a first contact HiE story where they speak different languages and doesn't jump straight to Ponyville. You've managed to fit all my favorite things together! Really looking forward to more of this. I know the translator in the suit will eventually lead to communication, but try to stretch the language barrier as long as you can. Also, if you can keep the story away from the actual ponies for a while, focus on other races, you'll make my week.
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You know, while I'm with you where Equestrian is different than English you do know that's totally non-canon? The show is in English so stories that have everyone speaking English are the correct way of doing it? It's the boring way but we've even see them write in English characters so that is, technically, the standard.
Just saying, because this way is way more fun.
794259
Sure, when the ponies are in another reality or in the show it makes sense that they'd speak English because that's what we get in the episodes. But when you make it so the show doesn't exist your story's cannon and Equestria is another planet, it's ridiculous to think that an alien species would have the same language as us. If anyone wants an example of language done "properly" look to this story: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/13616/Arrow-18-Mission-Logs%3A-Lone-Ranger
794340
Yeah I like Arrow 18, it's a little wonky but pretty good. For something a bit more surrealist where it looks like the language barrier is impassable might I suggest Words Spoken on Canvas, or with comedy and more "modern/normal" feel Over the Edge and Through the Woods (may not be able to beat the language barrier in that one as well). There's also A Different View of Equestria but the protagonist eventually learns the language through months of study and effort.
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Read the second one. Otherwise, Yay! New stories!
794374
I highly recommend all of them (Ok I'm editor for Words Spoken on Canvas so I'm biased) but the author of "A Different View of Equestria" is an admitted professional author and he writes like one too so for just quality of work I have to recommend that one alone.
Always happy to spread around more good stories (oh god I need a life
).
TO FRIKKING AWSOME!!!
Character seems like he might be a bit to ridiculous in the bad ass department, but at the same time sci fi tends to do that. Love the writing as well. Heres hoping for more
First off, I just wow. I'm blown away by you guys. I seriously didn't think that I'd get such a positive response with Steelboy. Honestly, I'm speechless. Again, thank you all for your support.
793218
Actually this is a good example of just why I need a skilled editor. A lot of the time I have problems seeing things like that, even on second and third rereads. I'll try to go back and correct them as I see them but a lot of that comes more from the fact that I'm not connecting the proper It in my mind with what I'm writing. I'll try to work on it though.
793376
This was an oops on my part. For a couple of paragraphs I fell into third person without noticing it. Embarrassed Finch is Embarrassed
793478
Expunged? Wow, that was a bad one on my part. Thanks for pointing it out. Ima go hunt that down now.
is he a space marine? or a spartan? or something you made up yourself? i cant figure it out
wow that armor is badass
Nice. A fantastically well-written story with plenty of jargon that makes my sci-fi reader's heart soar.
I look forward to more.
Interesting story, although if I had to choose an armor and weapon, it would be this one.
I'm a big fan of overkill.
Liking and loving it, nuff said.
Liking and loving it, nuff said.