Hell Hath No Fury
This can only end in tears! -Bartok
So another day dawns in paradise. Early to rise, early to work, coffee in hand and off to the slave pits of retail employment. I roll into work amid the normal greetings. Everyone loves me for some reason. Some for my frank outlook on life, some for my sales numbers, some just because I showed up for work. I am awesome, and the fact that I didn't show up with an automatic assault weapon makes everyone’s day so much more bearable.
After the prerequisite ass kissing and uniform polishing, I slid into my place as the happy corporate drone and started my day of servitude. Don was the official apple polisher for the day, leaving me as the tech troll. I liked that just fine, and relaxed into my element as technological savant. I fixt tings.
“So that's five more virus removals this week, three only go to Stalkerbook, and two have no idea how they got infected. You ready for this?” Don grinned at me with his usual lack of fucks to give, as he prepped me for the day’s misery. “I can do the tech if you wanna man the floor today.”
“Hell no. I really am not in the mood to deal with customers today.” I returned, feeling better adapted to hurting customers than helping them. “It’s been one of those weeks.”
“I hear ya, man. It’s been one of those lives.” We both nodded in agreement, and fist bumped, to seal the pact. And with that, he was on the floor, playing defense, while I played offense and fixed the computers. He kept the customers away, so that I could work.
The day wore on in this manner, until it was time for one of us to take a break. I drew the long straw, so I went first, and enjoyed a small break from the chaos as I ate my crappy meal in peace. All too soon my brief respite was over and I returned to the pit from whence I came.
“So, anything explode while I was gone?” I nonchalantly asked, as I clocked back in.
“Naa, just the usual customers that never remember the ink to their printers.” Don groused.
“Yea, I know. ‘Oh, can I see your printers? I’d know it if I saw it!’ If it’s more than six months old, we don't have it, so go home and find out, dipshit.” We both laughed at my mimicry of the average customer.
“Oh by the way, I have a treat for you. I feel like shit for what happened at the bar the other day, so I helped hook you up.” Don grinned. “You know your wingman always has your back, and since you don't wanna date a pony, I helped you out.”
“Aww man, not that internet dating shit, again. Those people creep me out.” I shuddered at the last encounter, trying to get back on my feet after the messy breakup with my ex.
“No, no, not that! Remember that chick from copy center? Well turns out it’s not against the rules to date her, as long as she isn't your boss. And it turns out she’s interested.” Holding his fist up for a bump, I just stared at it in shock, like it was a poisonous snake.
“Wait, you mean Amanda? The sexy redhead?” She was as real cutie, but I never had the balls to talk to her. Not to mention, I didn't want to get fired for sexual harassment.
“Yeah, she came over while you were at lunch, asking about you. She asked all sorta stuff about you and Pinkie, and I told her she was just a roommate. She seemed happy that you were single. I told her all about you.” He grinned and put his fist back up for a bump.
“Well damn, I never knew. She never even said more than ‘hi’ to me before. And didn't she have a boyfriend?” I bumped him back, still a little confused at the sudden interest.
“That's the best part, she totally ditched him a few days ago, and you know she’s ‘Down with the Brown’ after dating him, so you totally have a shot.” Giving me the thumbs up, he winked at me.
I just rolled my eyes in disgust. “Dude, stop being so friggin racist. That’s so wrong.”
“Bah, I’m not racist, and you know it. But everyone knows she only dates black guys. Why do you think I never hit on her?”
“Because her boyfriend was a pro athlete, and would stomp your chubby white ass.” I couldn't help but grin. This may turn out to be a good day after all. And with a real girl in my life, maybe Pinkie would get a clue and back off. Besides, I hadn't gotten laid in over a year.
“Yeah, whatever. You should totally talk to her.” He made shooing motions, and grinned wider.
So I checked my shirt, gathered up my courage, and swaggered over to the other side of the store. Luckily, there was almost nobody in the store, and Amanda was busy messing with her phone. I leaned on the counter and waited for her to notice me.
“Oh, hi Louis! What’s up?” She smiled sweetly at me and put away her phone.
“Well, Don tells me you were asking about me. Anything I can help with?” I smiled my best salesman smile, putting genuine warmth into it.
“Oh, umm. I was just wondering what you were up to tonight.” Suddenly she seemed a bit flustered, and I smiled even wider.
“Well, as a matter of fact, I don't have a damn thing to do tonight. What you have in mind?” Cock eyebrow, stroke goatee, smile smugly.
“Well maybe we can go see that new movie that came out, ‘Rise of Thrackerzod’ I heard it was good.” She actually fluttered her eyelashes at me. I almost laughed, but she was to hot to tell her how funny it looked. Also, I had no idea what movie she was talking about, nor did I care.
“Well then, that sounds like a date. I’ll meet you after our shift ends.” I winked, and slowly swaggered away.
“So, how’d it go?” Don was practically bouncing as I approached.
I carefully kept my back turned so Amanda, as I gave one of my massive psycho grins. “Fuck yea, date tonight, gonna go see a movie!”
“Awesome! What movie?” he leaned on the counter, matching my hushed tones.
“Rise of Crackergod, or something. Fuck if I know. All I know is some hot chick wants to go out with me, and my dry spell is over! Looks like I owe you one.” I reached up and gave him a high five.
“Dude! That's totally a brony movie. She may be testing you. It’s about some evil pony god that takes over a filly and tries to destroy the world. She may be trying to see if you really do have a thing for ponies.” He shook his head, looking over my shoulder at Amanda.
“Fuck man, what if she’s a brony? Do I act like I like them, or play it cool?” Suddenly this didn't seem like such a good idea. “And since when did they start making evil god, destroy the world movies about ponies? I thought that pony shit was all; friendship and rainbows.”
“Naa, I’ve never seen her as into Ponies, its gotta be a test. And since the real ponies arrived, they expanded the demographic to finally include adults and ponies. They have a few coming out that are PG-13, and even an R rated horror flick. There’s trailers all over BluTube. You really are outta the loop concerning ponies, aren’t you?” He gave an exasperated sigh and threw his hands up. “Only you could live with the greatest discovery of our entire civilization, and not care.”
“Meh, I’m just not that into ponies. It it ain’t got tits, it ain’t worth shit.” I snarked, laughing as he walked away muttering. “Just be lucky I talk to your ugly ass.”
The movie was good, the popcorn was overpriced, and Amanda was smoking hot. She wasn't all clingy, and actually made me happy to hang out with her. And best of all, she didn't even know it was a pony flic, so it wasn't a test after all. When we were done, we decided to go out to get some real food, and maybe a few drinks.
“So, this is the place that gave you shit for having a pony friend?” As we walked into my old watering hole. I couldn't help but grin.
“Yea, I thought it would be funny to see the look on their face when they see me walk in with a hot date. Do you know anyone interested?” I joked, getting a punch in the arm and a grin. That was when she leaned forward and we kissed. It was so sudden, I was taken by surprise, and it ended far too soon.
“I like you, you’re funny and cute.” Smiling sweetly, she pulled me inside the bar.
I saw the manager from last time, and made sure he was looking as I pulled Amanda into another kiss. We took a seat, and waited for the server, and I was pleasantly surprised to see a cream coated pony with some serious emo-striped hair head our way.
“Hello, my name is Bonbon, and I will be your server today!” She gave us our menus, and took our drink orders. The entire time I waited to see the reaction from my date, but there was no change in her bubbly mood.
“Hey, Bonbon, any idea what happened to the server we had last time? She got all in my face about having a pony friend.” I carefully inquired.
“Oh, you must be the guy that Pinkie is living with! I heard that bitch got all in your face about it, then she quit. Did you and Pinkie break up or something? I heard so much about you from the last time she came to town, that I decided to visit myself and try my hoof at a little interspecies romance.” She stopped talking as she saw my hand race toward my face, and Amanda start to give me weird looks.
“No. I don’t know what Pinkie has been saying, but we have never been a couple. She’s just renting a room from me.” I turned to face Amanda, and try to explain. “She’s a sweet kid, but not wrapped too tight. She still seems to have a crush on me or something.”
“Aww, Pinkie Pie is harmless, and you could do much worse if you ever dated a pony. You should meet my ex some time. Certifiably nuts.” She grinned at the two of us. “Well, at least Pinkie has good tastes.” Focusing on Amanda, she patted her hand with a hoof. “If half of what I have heard about this fella is true, you are one lucky girl.”
“Yeah, I am kinda getting that feeling myself.” With a sly grin, she looks over at me as the waitress trots off to get our order. “So, a pony has a crush on you? Anything I should be worried about?”
“Hell no. I have no interest in ponies. I am however interested in redheads with beautiful smiles and a nice round bootay.” I leered back at her, getting a big grin in return.
“Well that’s good. I’ll let you know if I meet one.” A good chuckle later and our drinks arrived. We ordered our food, and I was rather happy to see my date had a healthy appetite. Skinny, salad-eating twig girls just ain’t my thing. Amanda ordered a double bacon burger with fries, and I had the same, and a few more beers later we were both feeling damn good.
After leaving a nice tip for Bonbon, who got a bit huggy as we left, (apparently its an earth pony thing) the two of us headed out. I debated asking her over my place, but then the decision was taken out of my hands as she asked me herself.
“So, are you gonna invite me over? I’d love to see that amazing house Don told me about. Did your dad really design it?” She practically gushed as we made our way back to work where we had left her car.
“Oh he told you about that eh? Yea my dad was some big shot architect for the military back in the day. Made alotta money, met my mom, decided to change jobs and went into real estate. Now they are retired in Florida, and left me the old house.” I summed up my parents rise to prominence. “Now its just me in a big old house. Well, me and Pinkie Pie. Decided to rent out one of the rooms, and she showed up.” I shrugged, leaving the rest unsaid.
“That's awesome! I wish my parents left me a house. They are still renting the same apartment I grew up in. I finally had to move out and try something new.” Shrugging, she looked out the window as the streetlights drifted by.
After getting her car, we headed to my place, giggling like a couple of kids as we made our way to the door. I fumbled the keys, getting even more laughs, and soon we were inside. She made the appropriate noises at the size of the place. It was modest, but still one of the larger ones in the neighborhood, and I kept it in good condition.
Suddenly, out of fucking nowhere: Pinkie Pie.
“Welcome home Louis! I was starting to get a little worried!” Amanda almost jumped into my arms as Pinkie managed to appear right in front of us. “Oooh, who’s this? Is she a friend of yours? Can we be friends? I love making new friends!”
“Heya Pinkie, yea I guess you can say this is a new friend of mine...” I looked to Amanda for support, and helped her unwind from around my neck.
“Yes! I am his new girlfriend.” And with that, I was being kissed harder than she had done before. I leaned into it, and felt my heart leap in my chest as the meaning behind her words sank in. I had a girlfriend. A hot, redheaded, sexy girlfriend. Yes indeed, the dry spell was over!
As we finally came back for air, I remembered we were not alone. “Oh, by the way, Pinkie, this is Amanda. Amanda, I would like you to meet Pinkie Pie.”
Looking over to my roommate, I saw she has frozen in place with a look of shock. Slowly this faded to be replaced with one of the scariest looks I had ever seen. Lidded eyes and a straight edged frown made her look positively menacing.
Suddenly she stepped forward, standing on her hind legs to look Amanda in the eye as she slowly growled, “I. Will. End. You.”
Reaching for a conveniently placed water bottle, I broke the spell by spraying her squarely in the face. “No! Bad Pinkie! Down, Back off. Now go to your room!” And just as suddenly, she dashed off, yelping like a kicked puppy.
“What the hell was that, Louis?” A very shaken Amanda demanded.
“I don’t know, I’ve never seen her act like that. Maybe its her pony period of something.” I shrugged lamely.
“I think I better go.” She grabbed her purse from where it had fallen, and turned for the door.
“Wait, no! Don’t go. I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding.” I begged as she opened the door.
“Louis, your pony friend, who you admit has a crush on you, just threatened to end me.” She rolled her eyes and took a step backwards through the door. “Obviously you two have some issues to work out. I suggest you deal with them before our next date.”
I stood stunned as she walked away, before mentally smacking myself in the back of the head and running after her. “Wait, you said second date? As in you still wanna go out with me?”
“Well duh? You think that this is the first time I have had to deal with a jealous ex girlfriend? You just need to put a muzzle on her if you want this to work out between us.” she quickly kissed me on the lips, and slipped inside of her car. She was speeding off as my brain unlocked and I could think straight again.
“YES! Second date with a redhead!” I shouted to the sky. I quickly dashed back to the house. I needed to have a talk with my roommate.
I had to forgo my talk with Pinkie, since she had locked herself in her room, and I was too distracted by my current love interest to care. Shower, shave, and off to bed, feeling on top of the world, I awoke the next morning to the amazing smell of food.
“Oh heya Pinkie, making breakfast again?” I smiled and took a seat as she slid a plate in front of me.
“Yeppers! I wanted to make up for being all meanie Pinkie to your friend yesterday. I don't know what I was thinking, but we all need our friends, and I shouldn't get upset that some of your friends are girls! And I then I thought, what was the best way to make a man happy? And then I remembered you didn't wanna do that. So I thought, was the second best way? And I remembered, Granny Pie always said the way to a man’s heart was under the ribcage, but if you got squeamish about the blood, then try through his stomach!”
“Umm... okay. Your Granny sounds like an interesting woman.” I honestly could not tell if I was being seduced, or threatened. Also, the way she put emphasis on the word ‘friend’ set off an alarm in my head.
“Oh definitely! She was so much mare that she wore out three husbands before she had my pappy and settled down to start the farm. My momma says I take after her, because I am so full of life.” Grinning madly, she leaned her chin on her hooves and looked across the table at me.
“Pinkie, can we please dial back the creepy factor a bit. I haven't had my coffee yet and I’m just not up to it yet.” I groaned and took a bite of the huge omelette in front of me. It was full of veggies and potatoes, and I was glad to see she had remembered not to put any hay in it this time.
“Oh! yes, I forgot the coffee! Let me get that for you, Louis!” She quickly hopped around the kitchen and had a steaming mug in front of me in moments.
Taking in the aroma of the fresh coffee, I sighed in contentment. One sip was bliss, and two was nirvanna. The advantage of having a coffee addict in the house was getting access to the good stuff. But then I looked up at Pinkie looking at me from across the table with that manic grin again.
“Pinkie, if any of this is poisoned, I swear I will come back from the dead to kick your ass.” I deadpanned, and went back to my food.
Pinkie looked genuinely hurt, “I would never do anything like that Louis! I just wanted to make up for yesterday. I know you don't have many friends, and I haven't made as many as I was hoping myself, so the ones I have are important to me. That means your friends are important to me, because you are my friend.”
“Okay, that's fine. All is forgiven. Just please don't act like a creepy ex-girlfriend when she is around. I like Amanda, and she likes me. If I’m lucky we may have something special.
Frowning, Pinkie looked down at the table. “I dunno, Louis. Something about her makes my Pinkie sense tingle. I think she’s bad for you, and may hurt you. She doesn't deserve you.”
Getting peeved, I stood up from the table. “And who exactly does deserve me? You? We have been over this before. You are a great girl, a good friend, but I am just not into ponies. I can never give you the kind of love and affection you want. I actually find the idea of making out with a pony to be rather creepy, so will you please just let it go?”
As I turned to go, I heard her strangled whisper, “You think I’m creepy?” But I felt I had made my point, and went to my room to get ready for work.
Work went quickly. I was on an emotional high, as Amanda made flirtatious comments, and Don gave me shit for it. Even the obnoxious customers failed to knock me off my cloud as the day zipped past. Soon enough it was time to leave, and once again Amanda met me in the parking lot.
“So, what do you wanna do on our second date?” I asked with a smile, holding my car door open for her.
“Well, we went to your favorite place last time, lets go to one of mine?” She gave me a peck on the cheek as she slid into the car.
“Why not, where to?” She gave me directions and we set off. It was a place I hadn't been to before, being a bit more frugal minded, but she insisted it was amazing, and that her ex used to take her there all the time. I figured, why not splurge a bit to impress?
Arriving from work, I felt more than a bit under dressed, but was greeted and seated without any fuss. The menu made me twitch a bit when I realized it was one of those places with no prices on the menu. I could already hear my wallet crying out in pain. Ah, for the love of a woman, what a fool is man. And if I wanna tap dat ass, I better tap my wallet. It’s a tradition as old as humanity.
“So, you and your ex ate here alot?” I smoozed over the bread basket.
“Well, yes. He liked the finer things, and we enjoyed them often.” She smiled coyly over her wine.
“Yes, well he did have you, and you are one of the finer things I have ever seen.” I grinned back over my own wine. Not my drink of choice, but ‘When in Rome’... This place didn't even have beer on the menu.
“Oh you do flatter me so, my dear sir!” Taking on a Katie O’Hara voice, she batted her eyes at me like a southern belle.
“I only call things like I see them, Ma’am.” Winking at her I took another long gulp of my wine.
That was when the food arrived. And Pinkie.
“Hiya folks! Are you two having a good time tonight?” Pinkie grinned as she refilled our wine glasses. She was wearing a red vest and white collar with a black bow tie. She also had her hair neatly combed and pinned back into a tight bun somehow, and even white cuffs on her front hooves. The entire look made her seem like a pony valet.
“Pinkie! What the hell are you doing here?” I hissed through clenched teeth. Amanda looked just as shocked as me.
“Well, I wanted your evening to be perfect, so I pulled in a few favors and got the job here so I could take care of everything for you!” She turned to my date and gave a little bow. “Madam, I would like to apologize for my behavior the other night. It was unbecoming of me, as a friend Louis, and a representative of Equestria.”
I was startled at Pinkie’s suddenly stiff and formal speech, but Amanda just giggled and took it in stride. “It’s okay, Pinkie. We all just got off on the wrong foot, err hoof?”
“Okay! So are you ready for food?” Her normal cheerfulness returned in force, Pinkie bounced back to the nearby tray of covered dishes. “We have the steak, with steamed asparagus, well done with a side of au jus.” She presented my plate, with a well charred steak, yet still juicy judging by the small puddle beneath it. My mouth began to water at the smell that arose from it.
“And for ze lady, ve have ze Lobster Florentine, vif ze side of petite filet mignon medallions in truffle sauce.” Her sudden accent made us both chuckle, while the mention of the exorbitantly priced meal made me want to cry.
“Thank you, Pinkie. It looks fabulous!” We both grinned and dug into the food. Meanwhile, Pinkie had taken a step back, and was grinning at us as we we dug into the food. As expected, my steak was a masterwork, perfectly charred, yet still tender and juicy inside. Anyone that says you cannot have a tender, well done steak needs to go back to culinary school and learn. When you grow up with a father that teaches you how to drag your food out of the woods and cook it over a campfire, you learn all sorts of techniques for preparing meat.
Meanwhile, Amanda was starting to sweat, and grabbed for her wine glass, gulping half of it. She was bright red, her face surpassing her hair, and started fanning her mouth.
“What’s wrong, Amanda? Too is the food spicy?” Venom practically dripped from Pinkie’s words as she leaned closer, evil grin on her face.” I saw what was happening, and started to get pissed.
“Oh god yes! This is amazing!” Amanda cried out, stunning both me and Pinkie Pie. We looked at each other, then back at the redhead with matching looks of shock.
“I haven't had anything this good in years. My momma was cajun, and she used to make me spicy stuff like this all the time growing up. I haven't had good spicy food like this since her and dad split up, and he got custody of me and my sister.” She turned to the pony, a look of bliss on her face and tears in her eyes. “Oh Pinkie, I had you all wrong. How did you know?”
Looking very uncomfortable in the wake of her failed prank, Pinkie shuffled her hooved and looked away from us. “Oh, uhh. Y’know. I just asked some friends, and stuff. I kinda figured you would, umm, like things as fiery as your hair!” I had to resist the urge to facepalm at the blatant lie, but Amanda seemed to buy it.
“Thank you so much! And tell the chef this was awesome!” Getting up, she knelt down and gave Pinkie a massive hug, before retaking her seat and tearing into the over spiced food with a gusto, moaning between bites.
I managed to glare my best ‘I know’ glare at Pinkie, causing her to smile weakly, and dash off in defeat. Thankfully the rest of the meal was uninterrupted, save for the manager coming out to present us personally with the rather large bill. A week’s wages well spent.
Arriving home, I kissed Amanda goodnight in front of my house, before turning around to see a pink face glaring at us from the window. It soon disappeared, and I found Pinkie's door once again locked when I went inside to talk to her. I shrugged it off and walked back to my room to reflect on the strange evening.
Over the next few days, Pinkie remained distant, spending most of her time home in her room, or off at work or elsewhere. I enjoyed this bit of freedom exploring my blossoming relationship with Amanda. However, things were not going so well for her, and I couldn't help but think that Pinkie was behind it.
One day, she had her car towed, due to some overdue parking fines. Another day she received a letter that her wages were being garnished for not paying her college loans. Then her tires were flattened, and another time she came home to find her lawn had been fertilized by mistake, with fresh cow manure. It was like an unending series of mishaps, none of which could directly be linked, but I just knew.
Then the day came that I found her breaking down at work. She was crying in the breakroom, and I walked in. “What’s wrong, babe?
She turned to me, smearing her mascara as she wiped her eyes. “I dunno, but I may lose my job. I took an online order for three thousand prints, laminated, and didn't get the payment info. After I had them done, the customer canceled, but because they weren’t paid for in advance, they are trying to say it’s my fault!”
I leaned over and picked up one of the prints, rather simply done, with images of gems and gold, and words down the center. I read them and started to feel a sinking feeling, as I realized the words were lyrics to a rather popular song. ‘Gold Digger’, by Omari West.
“I’ve gotta go babe. I think I know what’s going on, and I’m gonna go deal with it.” I gave her a kiss and a quick hug before leaving to deal with the troublemaker.
Slipping into Party City next door, I spotted Pinkie right away, surrounded by a group of kids. I carefully kept my face neutral as I walked up and tapped her on the shoulder. Her grin dimmed a bit as she turned and saw the look on my face, and she failed to give her usual cheerful greeting.
“Pinkie Pie, I need to talk to you for a moment. Outside.” I kept my face a still mask as the children whined about losing their entertainment, but Pinkie didn't say a word as she walked behind me.
Outside, I continued around the side of the building, away from public view and stopped. As I turned around I finally let my anger show, and Pinkie took a step back, her eyes widening in fear.
“Umm, what’s up Louis? I-I can't talk long, gotta get back to work, ya know?” Nervously she shuffled her hooves, not looking at me.
“You know exactly what you did. You have stepped over the line Pinkie, and you are really pissing me off now.” I tried my best to keep my voice even, but I really was pissed. “Amanda may get into real trouble because of your shit. And I know it’s you that had been pulling the the other pranks on her.”
“Bu-but Louis...” SHe cried, before stopping. “I dunno what you are talking about.” Suddenly she tried to act cool, and looked away from me.
“Listen to me very carefully Pinkie. I consider us friends, for the moment. There are many things I will tolerate from my friends. Lying is not one of them.” I crouched down and grabbed her chin to make her face me as I spit out the words, I could see the fear in her own eyes clearly.
“I’m sorry Louis, but I am only trying to help. She’s a bad person, and she only wants to hurt you!” She started to cry, her eyes spilling tears, which she wiped away with a hoof. “She doesn't deserve you, and she only likes you because she thinks you are rich. I asked around, and everypony she has dated has been rich, and she always leaves them. I even talked to her last coltfriend. He called her a gold digging bitch.” Both hooves covered her mouse at the swear word.
I let out a long suffering sigh and shook my head. “Pinkie, every guy that has ever been dumped by a girl says shit like that. When you are hurt, you lash out.” I sat on the ground, feeling tired. “Did he also tell you he used to hit her?” I saw her eyes go wide in shock at this. “I bet he didn't. Or all the times he cheated on her?”
“I didn’t know.” She shook her head.
“Of course you didn't. Now I need you to leave her alone and stop this stupid bullshit, okay?”
“Mmhmm.” Slowly she nodded. “I still think she’s wrong for you. She doesn't love you like...” Suddenly her eyes went wide, and she turned tail to run. I saw a flash of pink, and then she was gone around the building.
“Dammit Pinkie. What the fuck am I gonna do with you?” Sighing again, I got off the ground and headed back to work.
For the next few days, nothing much happened Pinkie stayed clear of me, and nothing happened to Amanda. It was decided that it was the customer’s fault the order was canceled too late, and we would not be taking any more orders from them.
Me and Amanda were growing closer all the time, and finally it was time to step up our game. Instead of heading out to some fancy place, I was cooking dinner for her, and we would spend the night at my house. Pinkie was out for the night, and I got to work. Some of my mother’s cookbooks gave me all I needed to make her famous spicy jerk chicken, which I knew Amanda would love.
Dinner went flawlessly, as did the drinks on the couch, watching old kung-fu movies and making out. After we were all hot and heavy, we moved things into my bedroom for a night to remember. She wasted no time tearing my clothes off, but then slowly teased me as she peeled away each garment.
“So are you ready for this?” She purred as she slid the last piece to the floor. My nudity left no question if my readiness.
“Damn straight I’m ready! Girl, get your fine ass over here and gimme some lovin!” I grinned my best grin as she crawled onto the bed, slowly sliding her body against mine, until she was face to face. We kissed, hard and fierce, before pulling back panting.
I looked her in the eyes, and felt my heart ready to burst. Some other parts of me wanted to burst as well, but I paused, putting a finger on her lips to stop her a moment. “Hold on, hon.” She just looked at me confused.
“Pinkie. Now I KNOW you are not thinking of interrupting us, because if you did, I would be forced to rip your fucking tail off and feed it to you.” My only response was the soft clopping of hooves away from my door, as Amanda looked at me in shock. “Now where were we?” I grinned at her and we continued our dance. It was glorious.
The next day I awoke feeling like a new man. Amanda was sleeping in my arms, and the future seemed full of possibilities. Getting laid can do that to you. Even the scratches and bruises from a hard night seemed to melt away with the morning sunshine.
Slipping out of bed, I made my way to the shower, getting cleaned up for the day. Halfway through, Amanda joined me. We got a little dirty while we were getting clean, but it all came out in the wash. We walked into the kitchen to find Pinkie smiling over a table full of food, and sat down next to each other, giggling like kids.
“Hey folks, I bet you guys are real hungry after last night! You kept me up, with all your groany, moany, spankyness.” She made a face, then stuck her tongue out with a grin to let us know she was teasing.
“Thanks Pinkie, sorry about the noise. You never know till it’s too late if someone is a screamer.” I chuckled as Amanda punched me in the arm.
“Hey, I warned you I get loud. Next time warn a girl before you grab her nipples!” Smacking me in the back of the head with a laugh, she started to fill her plate, and I filled mine.
Suddenly, Pinkie was right between us grinning, and I felt a bit of a chill go down my spine. Her smile was just a bit off, and her hair was a bit too straight.
“Well it’s about time you two finally sorted things out. I thought it was going to take forever before Louis found somepony else to play with.” Smiling, she gave me a little peck on the cheek.
“Someone else?” Amanda said darkly, giving me a suspicious look.
“Oh yes! Now I get to share him with somepony else, and we can have all sorts of threesome fun games! Having Louis to myself was nice, but games are alway more fun when you SHARE.” Smiling lecherously, she leered at my girlfriend, while licking her lips.
“Pinkie, what the hell are you doin? Didn’t I tell you to back off?” I pushed her away from us, and turned to Amanda, whose face was turning as red as her hair.
“Oh fuck no! That’s just sick, the both of you. I don’t give a shit how rich you are, I am NOT sharing you with a fucking pony!” Amanda had stood up and was backing away from the table.
“The fuck you just say?” My heart sunk as the words hit home, and I could see the realization that she had screwed up in her eyes. Meanwhile, Pinkie was sitting on her butt, grinning like an idiot at us. “Who the fuck said I was rich, and what’s it matter to you?”
“Your friend, Don. He said you have filthy rich parents, and live in a big ass house.” She had the nerve to try looking indignant. “I mean, not that it matters. I love you and will always love you, but not if you are screwing around with some fucking animal! What kind of diseases could she carry? Is that even legal? You need some serious help.”
She started walking toward the door, but I stopped her, grabbing her arm and turning her to face me. “First off, I have not, nor would I ever fuck a damn pony. Pinkie knows that, and I have no idea why she’s fucking around saying that shit. Second, I don't have shit. My parents are rich, but they made me work for a living like they did. I got this house from them, but not a damn penny since I hit 18. One of these days I may get off my ass, go back to college and get my masters, and become some big shot, but until then I am just an average guy trying to chill in life.” I stopped to catch my breath, before continuing. “Are you really that stupid? Do you think I LIKE working at a shit ass job fixing broke ass computers? It pays the bills, because nobody else is gonna do it.”
At this point, her look went from indignant fury, to cold loathing. “I fucking shoulda known. Another broke ass nigger trying to look good. Why the fuck do I bother with you people? My parents were right I shoulda-” Her tirade was interrupted by an open palmed slap to the face.
“Get. The fuck. Out.” There are many things that annoy me in this world, but few will make me lose my cool. Racism is one of these. Anyone growing up mixed understands, and this stuck up, racist, white bitch just crossed that line.
“Fuck you! Have fun fucking your damn pony bitch, you sick FREAK!” Grabbing her purse, she ran out the door. I got a final view of her nice ass as she tripped and face planted running down my walkway, but I was too upset to enjoy it.
I walked out the door, watching her get into her car and leave, before hearing Pinkie walk up behind me. I turned to see her eyes brimming with tears as she looked up at me with a forlorn expression.
“I’m so sorry, Louis. I didn’t know what else to do. I just knew she was going to hurt you, so I had to make her go away.” She started to cry in earnest. “I-I d-did it for you. You are my fr-friend, and I couldn't bbear to see what she was doing to you.”
I felt numb, the adrenaline wearing off as my anger bled away to be replaced with a cold emptiness. For a short time I had been happy, and now it was over. I slowly knelt down and opened my arms to the pony, and held her in a hug until she stopped crying. The stillness ate at me, and I felt a painful ache like I hadn't eaten in days. Finally I pulled back and looked her in the eyes.
“Pinkie, thank you. You are a good friend, and I will always value that friendship. You kept me from making a big mistake, and for that I should be grateful.” I stopped and stood up, looking down at the pink furball that had been sharing my home and my life for the last few months. She looked up at me, smiling with a glimmer of hope in her eyes.
“I should be grateful, but I am not.” I drew back my mighty pimp hand of justice, and a crack rang out, my hand going numb as I delivered a mighty bitch slap to the person, the pony, who had destroyed my moment of happiness, no matter if it was real or not.
Coldly, I glared down at her as she rubbed her cheek in shock. “I don’t care if you are my friend, Pinkie. If you ever interfere with my love life again, I will kick your ass outta my house so fucking fast, that even your friend Rainbow Dash won't be able to catch you before it hits the curb. Am I clear?” Slowly she nodded, and I turned away.
As I walked away from my house to search for a bottle of something to drown myself with, I could almost hear the sobbing of the filly over the sound of my own breaking heart.
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Well handled chapter, especially that end, though the words escape me on how to properly express the amount of violence to emotional duress of the protagonists for something like this. Although, I'm pretty sure it's not a single word and is probably a whole phrase, leaning towards a french one for some reason.
Yay! New chapter!
Hey, firstly I wanna say thanks for updating again, I have been following the story since the first chapter and I LOVE it!
And this chapter was amazing work like usual! Wow, the conflicts present in the chapter just made me wow, what's gonna happen now?
Anyways, good work once more and CANNOT WAIT FOR MORE! Hope to see the next chapter soon! =)
I haven't seen many fics willing to take the route this did towards the end.
...It's awesome.
Great chapter, and I look forward to the next.
This was supposed to make me tear up? I laughed my ass off, I am a sadistic Basterd that wants to rip out the gut of all the people I know except for like 10, Then procede to strangle them then paint the worlds biggest and most gruesome mural with their blood.
Keep that pimp hand strong.
The pimp hand of justice has struck the hour.
Awwwwwww
Hmmm, Pinkie's hair is kinda red-ish. And she's probably got a degree in Smile-ology. No word yet on the bootay, though.
Look on the bright side, at least you got to bang her before you broke up with her.
4155409 I used to be dark and angst-y like you.
And then I took an arrow to the knee.
I lost it at that moment.
I'm more into athletic women myself. Maybe since I'm a gym-guy.
Ok this chapter was pretty awesome and it turned out much more realistic then I thought it would. Pinkie did go too far but that's how pinkie always is. When I think about it she always get what she wants so she is pretty spoiled. I wonder how this will change how she acts in the human world and with our resident pimp. One thing that I fell was missing he didn't get the baby powder how,you gonna slap a ho without baby powder
It really helps if you listen to Jerk It Out by Caesar to this
also I am just realising the main character is black, im not sure how to think of this
p.s . . .lolidontfukinknom8
Yeah, he gets no sympathy from me.
I'm not one of those people who preaches "never hit a girl" but neither of them deserved it. I would have told the girl to get the F
K out and Pinkie would need to crawl into the freezer to warm up from how the cold treatment she would get from me.
That made me laugh a bit harder than it probably should have.
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Well... Shit.
glad to see that Louis dropped the racist, gold digging, insentive, and artificial would be girlfriend. I think he took it a bit far with slapping Pinkie, but then again he's human and we're not the most rational beings. Nice touch with Bonbon. And I can see the talk he's going to have with Don.
I can't help but feel bad for Pinkie though. She's going through some serious heart ache. The kind that requires an honest friend, fifth of Jack, and having a place to crash for a couple of nights. It's a damnable part of life, but as my dad once said, "It doesn't matter if someoone breaks your heart or not. What matters is that you don't let them know how much they hurt you". That's more true than most folks realize.
Great job with the chapter. I am looking forward to to a pinkie one.
Very good chapter, albeit sad. However I feel like we may have a chapter of pinkie moving out now for some reason..........
4155618 ahh, marriage. They say wife's cripple you.
Damn you. I had Gold Digger all readied up in another tab to YT-embed in my comment, and then you went and killed it by referencing it in the story.
Brilliantly handled chapter. The drama is perfect.
Wow, what a way to end a relationship.
4156118 He's SOOOOO gonna get his ass sued by the bitch.....And,Following standard story development,Pinkie somehow manages to help him out of it,They form a closer bond,And Louis' heart gains three sizes that day
SHEIT SON! shit hit the fan here! that chapter was genuinely deep, and I can practically feel Pinkie and Louis' relation ship tearing apart, and its not a clean tear either, its rougher that god damn sandpaper
I feel this is pinkie at the moment: data2.whicdn.com/images/45828753/large.gif
but pinkie was helping, and it was not fabricated and he still hit her, why?
Things did get pretty serious there, as for that woman that's a good reason why I don't go for relations.
That's all I'll say about that.
Awesome chapter, and loved the song. I love that song, and then playing it right at that part of the story was just perfect :D
Can't wait for the next chapter.
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He pretty much said it himself. He was hurting badly, and he lashed out at the closest thing that hurt him.
At least he was man enough to only slap the two of them, and not punch them, although I agree that Pinkie didn't fully deserve it.
But even when you are trying to help a wounded animal, you get bit.
4157131 I've been there, I guess I'm just a better person than he is. Granted the person I gave the arctic shoulder to has been a bit distant and wary of me ever since.
Shoulda kicked that white bitch's ass ten ways to Sunday! Pardon my English, but racism pisses me off, too. Some of the nicest people I know are black, and using someone like she intended just- ERGH!
As to slapping Pinkie, I can see where he's coming from, but inner Brony now wants to bury him alive.
Still, a good chapter. At least he got laid, but then again, if she's willing to give it up to gold-mine, then she's prolly done that with every previous target, and he should check and see if he's picked up an STD from her.
God damnit louie! Pinkie wubs you!
It must be so frustrating for her.. 
Knew it would end like this. But did Pinkie get her date yet? She kinda deserves it.
Wow that's great that pinkie was right and now they'll be fre-!
...
[youtube=http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZohusSS72NQ]
[youtube=http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=w6gzOcTNKwE]
Finally someone who has good taste in movies and knows how to show it.
I had sympathy for Louis.
Then he smacked Amanda.
Men should NOT strike women unless they are defending themselves.
But I still felt a little sympathy for Louis.
Then he slapped Pinkie.
I do not like Louis very much at ALL right now. He does not deserve the friendship of a pony like Pinkie.
Wait... He's black?
4161457 You've never had your ass kicked by a woman then. I lost those sexist views at a very early age. The only difference in the capability of men and women is who can carry a child. And they are working on that.
And sometimes a bitch deserves a smack. Not saying Pinkie did, but Amanda sure as hell did.
Crushing a man's heart is one thing, but she stepped way over teh line with the recist remark.
You know what? Nah.
Since chapter one you've painted Louis as a horrible, obnoxious, self-righteous, unlikable asshole. I don't honestly know how you expect people to sympathize with him at all. And then this chapter? Forget it. I mean, seriously, the entire story consists of 1) Louis bitching and moaning, probably about something trivial, 2) Louis being a completely insensitive douche or 3) Louis doing something stupid.
I don't understand why I should read this story. I don't want Louis to get a happy ending.
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4162108 So we are all in agreement that at a bare minimum Louis screwed himself six ways to sunday?
a-hole, pinkie was just trying to help
Man you had me laughing like a freak the whole time till the end ........
He should be grateful towards Pinkie, the hug-slap thing was just fucking cruel
4163080
4161457 That woman deserved to be slapped. She was a grade-A you know what all the way. Pinkie Pie didn't, but considering how harshly that woman treated Louis, and what Pinkie Pie did to contribute to the breakup of course Louis was going to be mad.
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Amanda is a bitch. She's a gold-digger. She was with Louis because she thought she would benefit. But how would you guys have felt if Blueblood has slapped Rarity for the same reason?
There is a big difference between using words and using physical force. She deserved a chewing out, but the physical aggressor was Louis. He escalated to physical violence, not her. He did it twice! I've had my share of heartache as well, and I have actually been in a very similar situation to the one depicted in this chapter. It's very rough, but there's really no excuse to go all slappy. Especially not with someone as sensitive as Pinkie. All of my sympathy is for her right now.
I don't think Pinkie was in the right, either. She did the right thing, in the wrong way. But she hardly deserved that.
Hey Drax, Can I kill Amanda? She just pissed me off.
-What happened to not interfering, hmm?-
dammit. I forgot, Dache. Nevermind, Drax. Though someone needs to tear her spine out,......
I always say, the mark of a good writer is the ability to make the reader feel, even if its feeling pissed off. Yay me!
I still feel Amanda got what she deserved. Slapping is nothing where I come from, hell some people do it as a sign of affection. Pinkie did not deserve the slap, although she was coming very close to it. Louis had tried talking several times and she wasn't getting the hint, and I feel she went over the line implying they had sex.
Was she in the right? Hell yes! But she went about it all wrong. Louis had every right to be upset at both girls, but could have handled it better. But hell, who thinks right when it comes to love? In this case, everyone acted badly. There is no winner here, just alot of broken hearts.
But acting nice and thinking straight does not make for a good story.
Coming next, Louis gets chewed out, and things get sorted out between him and Pinkie. If not, he's gonna get his ass bucked.
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I always say, the mark of a good writer is the ability to make the reader feel, even if its feeling pissed off.
It's funny you should say that. When I was writing my previous comment, I was thinking pretty much the same thing.
All the same, I hope Louis becomes a bit more balanced in later chapters. He's not a bad guy, really, but he doesn't seem like a great guy, either. It's good for characters to have flaws and be multidimensional, but I haven't found him very likable or sympathetic so far.
I'm happy to hear he'll be getting chewed out! Hopefully, this will balance things out again, and how he responds to what happens in the next chapter will have a lot to do with how I feel about his character from that point onwards.
I'm not slamming your writing, or anything. If I wasn't interested in this story, I wouldn't say anything at all. I'm always looking forward to the next chapter.
Thanks for writing and sharing this, I'll be waiting for the next installment.
Now that we're on the second page (and not many people are likely to see this) I feel compelled to say...
I probably would have f*whinney*d the daylights out of Pinkie.
Mind. Blowing. Orgasms. I bet you anything.
The big problem for me is that I can only do so much and I'm guessing that Equestrian mares are pretty much insatiable during estrus. Whatever their pheromones do to keep Equestrian stallions going probably wouldn't work on me, as I'm sure my vomeronasal organ (if we even have a functioning one) can't get titilated by Equestrian mare mojo. Pheromones are espresso shots for the libido, and at best I could only hope for weak tea. At worst, it would just reek.
The crazy thing is I'm not even a clopper!
I just doubt I'd have the restraint of Mr. Louis. I'm sure Pinkie would most likely have little trouble persuading Mr. Happy to persuade me to do what her physiology is screaming for. I would resist at first... but... I think only at first.
4166091 I'm just gonna leave this over here...