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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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this chapter is just perfect for a first date time to just enjoy life.
Harts Fire
Daaawwwww, that's so sweet it's gonna give me the diabeetus. Rough tumble eats fish? I know lunar ponies are omnivorous, and all ponies CAN eat fish.... but I thought it was a rare thing. And while on the topic of ponies and meat, silver-cannon question, I know cows, pigs, sheep, and goats are all sentient and eating one would be tantamount to cannibalism, and I assume that eating mamals in general is at the very least highly taboo. So where does poultry fit into the sceme of things?
6503144 It was noted Fish counts as an exotic kind of thing. A pony -can- eat it, and really fancy ponies think it proves their fanciness. Lunar ponies dig it.
Chickens: Their eggs are totally up for grabs and are eaten on their own and as part of many other recipes and baking.
Two of these is not like the other, was this chapter *snickers* a rough draft?
Feels like it should have a comma after me or the second away should be tossed. Example: She ran away with me, away from everything she knew. Example2: She ran away with me from everything she knew.
6503788 Fixes applies. Hope you enjoyed the chapter.
6503834 Yup I sure did.
I noticed you didn't change beg to bag though. so it still says they put it in a little beg =p
Unless you meant this kind of little beg?
orig12.deviantart.net/bc23/f/2013/008/9/1/dashie__hugs__by_tomdantherock-d5o3zvb.gif
Should be Rough Tumble
6504014 Already fixed that one. :)
A nice quiet time.
Keep going! ;)
I think that punctuation after "uh" should be a comma and not a period.
Put in a little "bag."
6505629 Fixed!
6505647 This was a sweet chapter. Finally Tumble is getting (more) of the treatment that he deserves, without interruptions or some (more and more common) insanity breaking things up. It's nice that all of the commotion from before didn't cause his date with Silver to get lost in the shuffle.
I was a bit amused that Nefertari's intense training was an obstacle course. How did she even get something like that set up in the course of a day? I admit that I thought it was be something more along the lines of her fighting him while holding back most of her strength, coaching him as she went. Of course, her little talk about how it wasn't unknown for Anubians of both sexes to passionately engage with each other wasn't surprising; that fits with their culture quite easily. That said, I suspect she threw out that bit about her having sex with other (presumably female) shamans was for Silver's benefit. I'm really starting to think that Nefertari is deliberately playing up her sexuality when he's around, though she does so in a very different manner than Fast Change does.
The scene with the "flower trio" was amusing, but seemed like it skipped the punchline. We see them reacting with shock to the idea that Tumble is dating a brother-sister pair, and the next line offhandedly mentions that they've fainted, but that shouldn't have been mentioned so casually as part of something else. Rather, them passing out - which is kind of their joke - should have gotten its own line of direct exposition. Otherwise it's kind of a buildup without a payoff.
That said, the real meat of this chapter was Tumble actually relaxing with Silver by the lakeside. I'm a bit miffed that Night Watch is butting into their date, though. She really couldn't stay in the truck and let the boys have their space? That's doubly true for the fact that, almost as soon as they get there, she's wondering if Tumble's "really" gay or not. Given that he's had plenty of time for introspection - remember that he thought he might be a mare in a stallion's body for a while, but came to the conclusion that he wasn't - I wonder if her questioning his preferences was a bit unnecessary...
That was my initial reaction, at least. The problem is that there was another angle by which this part of the conversation could have been approached from, and wasn't, which is that both Night Watch and Silver have slowly transitioned towards bisexuality (very, very slowly for Silver's case, whereas Night Watch did so fast that it wasn't ever really touched upon). As such, that part of the conversation should have been them remarking on learning to become more open with whom they loved, so that they were making "I" statements rather than "you" statements, which would have removed even the appearance of pressure on Tumble for him to do the same. It was a missed opportunity (doubly so, since that would have given us some insight into how Night Watch felt when she accepted Fast Change's love so long ago).
It was to the story's credit that Tumble, who has the most reason to want all the pleasure he's so long been denied, was the one to slow things down here. It was very insightful to have him mention that he wants love, real affection, more than he wants sex. That's what he's been lacking for virtually all of his life, so it was nice to see that put front-and-center here.
Hopefully the rest of the date will be this nice.
6505693 It feels odd to hear 'I saw the joke and punchline' 'You didn't give the punchline', it can't really be both of those things, but you say it is. It might have been a lame joke, sure, but you clearly saw the joke, and its punch line.
He has plenty of time for introspection? Well, yes, of course he has, in lonely misery. This is not the most productive introspection one can have, or so my personal experience whispers to me, even if I have had breakthroughs during the dark times. In the end, no one was judged or forced for wanting what they wanted, and despite any exterior finger wagging, those in the scene were comfortable with one another and much snuggling was had. Nothing went wrong, which was a change of pace. I don't think it was a 'mistake' to speak what's on their mind. Better to speak than to hold things in. They've all lived with repression for too long. Let their love be strong enough to withstand any silly thing they might say, and the time Fast Change rushes in with a tub of whipped cream and a wild new idea to celebrate Winter Wrapup will be accepted gently, even if they decide it may not be appropriate and let her own gracefully.
6505728 I was trying to say that while the punchline was there, the delivery needed work; it was too offhand.
Didn’t see that coming!
And not a single bottle of brainbleach were needed. Nice.