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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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yup I was right the room came with typos. That will be an additional %10 to bill. Oh the assassination attempt is not covered by your life insurance since you are your not in your network area. That another 15% to your premium
Additional charges:
5% for the mice
2% for the looking in the mirror twice
3% for the windows shut
etc etc......
6049846 I knew I should have checked the fine print...
ok I don't really have much to say after the author notes David Silver pretty much summed up the chapter.
Author's Note:
Talk about alicorn breeding, and then intrigue! It's all you need for a chapter. Oh yeah, and some typos, for flavor.
alicorn breeding I am starting to get scared for Silvers Life.
yes Twilight is with there foal but the foal was part way developed witch gave him a huge boost so that alicorn breeding does not really count.
Harts Fire
6050764 No Problem
The use of "himself" twice is cumbersome reading. I'd change that to "Silver found himself in the center of a swirling array of bedazzling jewels."
He turned his thoughts to Luna and "a" gem came through.
There needs to be a period at the end of this sentence.
Another use of "himself" twice in the same sentence.
You need to put an "s" on the end of either "fear" or "restrain."
6051377 Typos sold to the highest bidder in the market.
6051482 I have a policy of reading each new chapter twice (at least) before I post my thoughts, since I find that my initial reactions can often change after putting some thought into the events depicted in the story. That was the case here, and I had the not-uncommon reaction of changing my initial opinion after going over these events again, for the better.
Silver's dream conversation with Luna was interesting for the points that it touched on. The most obvious was Luna giving Silver her blessing to start studding the Saddle Arabians. I half-expected her to mention that he try with a few baastians/nekomata as well, but I suspect that, in fact, that thought simply never occurred to either of them. As it was, I'm glad Silver pointed out that that wouldn't work anyway unless the mares feel love for him...and it was here that Luna's reaction was notable. She seemed to be implying that mere affection, be it limerence or even just a crush, was sufficient to make a mare receptive. This is a trend that I've noticed recently, in that the requirement that the mare be in love has been subtly downgraded to something more along the lines of "she feels a sense of personable appreciation." That's a change from how Twilight first presented this particular requirement, but this way feels more believable. Nature, as a general rule, favors species with fewer barriers to successful reproduction.
More notable, however, was the revelation that an alicorn mare, in her season, can demand so much magic when in the throes of passion that she can inadvertently kill her stallion. That's rather sobering, even if it does fit with what's been presented so far. We've seen that Silver has felt a sort of "suction" followed by his releasing his magic (among other things) into a mare, which he knows signifies a successful conception...this is that, dialed up to 11. This also better explains how he tried, and failed, to knock up Luna way back when.
It's interesting to consider that this means that Silver, not unwisely, has decided to try and hold off on attempting to give Celestia a foal for now. In fact, this also explains why Celestia wouldn't be eager to "make history" with Twilight...not only is her beloved Twilight uncomfortable with that idea, doing so could result in Celestia killing her! Far better to try with Silver (though I doubt Celestia would be that deliberately callous towards his life). As it is, Celestia is quite clearly excited about doing it with a partner where she may not need to restrain herself, instead finding true satisfaction...hopefully, Silver will be able to handle it when the time comes. I also appreciated that he hit several practical limitations insofar as "measuring" the magic necessary to do the deed; he's intuitive with magical experimentation, but that doesn't mean that he'll always succeed.
Rather amusingly, I wonder if his constant studding is acting as a form of "exercise" in this regard. If he keeps straining his magic, in that regard, by donating it to mares so often, perhaps that would build it up over time to where he'd be able to "handle" the other alicorns? While I doubt that Luna would have suspected that going in (since she wanted him to stud long before he became an alicorn), that'd be an unexpected side-benefit from doing so...as well as a reason why he'd need to keep studding, and on a regular basis, for a long time to come.
That said, I groaned at Silver's stupidity in talking to Luna about breeding her sister while he was doing Luna herself. Admittedly, he tried to bring up the topic just before she became amorous, but the sheer degree of insensitivity that Silver showed there was astounding. Did he think that the sexual encounter she'd just begun was completely casual? She was quite clearly sending a message of "I've missed you, and I want to be with you now" as best she could - as he might recall, communication and intimacy aren't exactly Luna's strong suits - and his response was "I want to do your sister" while he was inside her. Was it at all surprising that she was upset?
As it was, I'm amazed that she handled herself with as much composure as she did. Even then, I suspect that that was only because she knew that this particular topic was coming, especially with Silver and Celestia alone together, and Celestia almost in season. Still, kind of a jerk move there, Silver.
Moving on from there was Aila's assassination attempt. It was here that I was referring to my earlier statement about revising my opinion for the better; that was largely with regards to the author's notes that this was intrigue. For my love of political intrigue, this near-murder scenario seemed like a poor substitute at first, but I've decided that I was being too harsh, there. This is still a very legitimate - and fairly well-crafted - new twist to navigate. It doesn't stand in for any future political shenanigans, so I shouldn't judge it that way.
I suspect that I came to that conclusion largely because we're receiving continued hints that the pharaoh of Anugypt is a schmuck. That worries me, because it seems to be tilting towards (or at least, I'm interpreting it this way) his character exhibiting a plethora of "petty bad guy" traits - that he'll be self-absorbed, egotistical, insulting, stupid, unable to anticipate/be concerned with the consequences of his actions, and otherwise be a typical pathetic character that only seems effectual because the people around him respect his office more than him personally. Again, this is just what I'm worried about, but I do worry about this with all of the foreshadowing being dropped about how he's acting. The problem with this approach is that it eschews political drama - either due to the practical conflicts between nations, or the ideological conflicts between differing systems of government - in favor of personal drama, where one person is the "bad guy" who conflicts with the good guys over personal differences. I find that far and away less interesting, so I hope we don't see that here.
Ahem. Turning our attention back to Aila, taken on her own, there's a fairly interesting character dynamic here, that of the good person doing evil because of desperation. This was a very smart way to write her character, since desperation is the quickest way to take someone to an area where they wouldn't normally go. Doubly insightful was to not give her a specific sponsor for what she's doing - if there's simply a general bounty on Celestia's head, posted anonymously in some sort of criminal underworld, then that shifts the focus off of "who sent her" in favor of focusing on Aila herself.
I also liked the more mature problem presented, in that Aila and Shei are suffering due to the persistent discrimination of simply not having their business patronized. Not only does that help to characterize the nature of Anugypt (or at least, the current climate in Anugypt), but it also presents a problem for which there's no easy answer. Even a generous payment likely won't float their business for long, and there's not much Silver can do about that, other than trying to play their business up as "the place to stay if you're a foreigner." One way or another, the Saddle Arabian sisters need a new revenue stream, and that's not the easiest thing in the world to generate. This is a complicated problem, which creates the best narrative fodder...if Silver decides to try and help them.
...but why was Alia laying on her back with her legs in the air? That's how animals show submission, and the ponies aren't animals.
Also, as an after-the-fact note, this is the first chapter where the mature tag seemed like it was coming into play, as things became more explicit during Luna and Silver's aborted coupling. A sign of things to come (no pun intended), no doubt.
6051646 The scene where Silver studded the older mare was a bit over the line for 'teen' I think, but, yes, this one was solidly in the mature territory.
Not all is as it appears! Because that would be boring. I don't usually do one-note villains. Heck, look at Starlight Glimmer. Be patient, more answers will arrive, promise!
The idea of 'exercising' his male magic amuses me to no small end. Oh Silver, what misery have you brought on yourself, that you must stud mares a plenty as a royal duty?
He did say some silly things with Luna, and thankfully they worked past it. It is telling in some ways that they did work past it, instead of it spiraling wildly out of control with a lot of hurt feelings to show for it.
Summoning a dream-Celestia was a low blow, Luna. Maybe one day Silver will get good enough at dream sculpting to defend himself from Luna and Celestia, but that isn't likely to happen anytime soon.
The latest chapter seems to have been removed; I was looking forward to commenting on it. What happened?
6053395 Fixed!
the Pharaoh's
supposed
ground against
blasé
in the dark( what light is there?)
Oh Luna, thy liberties you doth take!
Something woke him up. Indtinctive sense of Danger? The Text watching him despite saying he was done? Or another external force?
Pharaoh's