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*puts gun to head* yOU CAnT Do tHis TO Us *pulls trigger*
Hmm.... No.
Everything else mostly made sense. But an alien ship comes out, is indestructible even against 3 Alicorn gods, speaks english and has Items of power for Alicorns yet is eons old and STILL working, and is able to make anything and everything inside of it a weapon and kills the main character and ends the story...
This feels more like a cop-out excuse to end the story, and is getting a thumbs down and taken out of my bookshelves. Hopes were high, and now they are dashed. People can say it's about the journey and not the destination, but that's a load of crap people say to excuse bad endings/destinations.
I'm going to pretend this chapter never happened and that Silver just decided to live among the stars as a crazy space monkey god.
click image to enlarge
smbc-comics.com/comics/20100811.gif
hey celesta, luna. I'm pretty sure there is a spell in the starswirl wing that would help...
It can't end like this! There isn't a 'tragedy' tag! I avoid those like something that is always avoided!
...
...
...
This, may have crushed my interest... I seriously hate tragic ending...
That... it's a... huh?!?!
The last few chapters have been completely different from the rest of the story, and now this?
WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST READ!? Fuck it, I'm not sorry about caps.
Sorry excuse for an ending...This ending just make all the things he went through meaningless.
Nope this ending was way to strange, it felt glued on forced. And i will ignore it for the greater good of the story if this relly is the end.
Huh. That was. ..something.
Also how? How were you able to tug my nonexistent heartstrings?
Silver Stars you will be missed and be rote in history for ever.
Harts Fire
6511219
6511197
6511003
6511059 6510996 You were perfectly fine with the ship just one chapter ago, until it became the threat it already was. They made a mistake. It came to me rather suddenly. The Text even gave a final warning. They walked down that path. Silver is gone. His death was no more undeserved than the rest of his life. It was difficult to write, but I did, and having a bunch of screaming supposed-fans yelling in my ear that it was 'unfair' or 'pasted on' is unamusing at best.
One thing I will note is that none of these screeches have included how Silver should have escaped. There is a reason for that, I feel. No matter how much everyone rails, the story kept consistent to itself. The ship did not 'have' to kill Silver on first running into it. I try not to plan that far. It wasn't until Night Watch figured out how to become captain that things became dangerous. It wasn't until they both stepped onto the bridge that things turned lethal.
Calling the ship invincible is also... silly. The ship's clearly damaged. The computer is also clearly damaged and malfunctioning. If it wasn't malfunctioning, they wouldn't have reached the bridge. Silver would still be alive, but they wouldn't reach that bridge. You might not like the result, but every step made sense as it happened.
Respect that. It's also incredibly galling and immature to say that someone who dies is then meaningless in all actions in life. That is seriously depressing. We're all going to die, and I'd like to think we'll be remembered for what we did in life.
6511570 "When we were born, we cry while everyone else laught. When we lay down, everyone cry while we smile."
This does not have that feel.
He died with sorrow. He left behind even greater sorrow. His titles are rather bland. Wives without husband, foals without father and more, all resulted from a pyrrhic victory.
He passed many obstascles just to end up dying. No relief, no reward, no recognition and his brief happiness are all fleeting...
Calling people immature for being unsastisfied with that ending isn't exactly supporting your arguement.
Sure, it might sound like "whining" but it is only "complaining", not "whining".
All in all, it was a very unsastisfied ending and left the readers or more specifically, me, feeling empty. This is my point.
Damn it, I hate long comment. Hard to edit.
Sometimes you can do everything right and still lose. I hope this isn't the end of the silververse, and that it's world will still turn without Silver Stars himself. Regardless, it was a great ride. Dammit, Silver, why couldn't you take the obvious dire warning as the dire warning it was? WHY FOO-STEALER?????
6511622 And they say being a bad alicorn self-insert would be the key to all life's problems.
Death was never something Silver was going to accept happily, ever, in any situation. This is the same guy that started tearing up at the mere thought that he might outlive Night Watch. Of course, I am this guy, so I guess I'm a pansy about it too. I cried while writing this, but I won't step backwards. No matter how 'unsatisfying' the end, it was the end. It was his end. It wasn't a breach of logic to arrive at this point.
6511632 *sigh*
Agree to disagree, then.
You okay man? Cause you just imolated your personal fictional avatar out of the blue. Just up and killed your fictional self. I know I wasn't okay when I did that. So just gonna ask this once, everything still spinning right in the world of David Silver?
6511675 As alright as they ever are. I wasn't lying when I said the vision of how things should be came suddenly. I was showering, and suddenly it all made sense, and my muse would not shut up. I wasn't even supposed to be writing yet, it was too early, but I felt utterly certain, so I sat down and my fingers began to dance the dance of creation, even if they sung of destruction.
I would move on to another story (maybe Silver verse) but the response is so annoying I'm wondering if I shouldn't refocus myself. I'm not ultimately paid a dime for Silver verse. At least when One Step gets annoying, I am being paid to write that. No matter how trying Ponyfinder folks get, I am also paid to write that. This, this was a whimsy, a baring of my creative soul that I'm unsure I want to deal with anymore after today.
Silver was never going to get his rainbow. I'm sorry I didn't make this freakin' obvious by now, no matter how many times I used those exact words. He was doomed. He was doomed forever. It wasn't even subtle. The means of his death became clear to me, and I went with it. Not a single word spoken has shown how it doesn't work, it's just 'unsatisfying'. I'm pretty sure Silver agrees.
6511570 A few things. First, I didn't like the idea of the ship. I only went along with it, because I thought it would be a very minor thing. I thought Night would tame the ship and it would either Self Destruct after they left safely, would leave, or would break down from no fuel. Either way, I never thought the ship would stick around past these 2 chapters. Like Jake, David 2.0, and other stuff.
I never liked the ship, but put up with it, because I thought it was just filler, and even if I joked about it being Night's pet, I HATED that it just pop'd out of no where. Also:
The ship was damage, but not by the ponies. It healed all the damage done to it and couldn't be beaten. They HAD to get to the Bridge and take control. What's more the ship's Malfuctioning, never seemed to effect it negatively, except to kill off Silver and that's it.
What's more, there was a full set of the items that Silver had on the planet, and they effected his magic so were magical. Yet the ship sees them as being Badges? and that each pair of Horse Shoes It's set to a certain pony like a Badge and it couldn't tell that Silver's were not actually his? Before the big 'Malfuction' that broke it fully, it instantly saw him as a 'User' and not an Intruder, even with him wearing 3 pieces of armor.
Then when they entered onto the Bridge, the Computer attacked Silver... because he had more Pieces of armor? And with it talking to Night, refusing commands and even saying "You will be. Please stand by.". It wasn't acting like a computer. Even a Malfunctioning computer would still listen to commands. Also it was attacking Silver because he had more items on, but what does that say about anyone that out ranked the Captain? Like an Admiral? or General? or President? Each would probably have more pieces of armor. What's more, the Computer never gave any items to Night when she said she was a captain, and refused her and acted like she wasn't a captain after already setting her to Captain rank. No really, HOW would that have worked. Would the captain how to go into the ship alone to get his 'badges' and anyone else that comes with them would be murdered? How does that make sense, even if the ship was Malfunctioning.
And even if it didn't, why did they attack Silver and HAD to kill him, no matter what? And all the weapons were FINE and not Malfunctioning at all. And again, how did something like this survive for eons without Erosion except on the computer, why did it suddenly come to Ponyville and started attacking everypony, Why did it not even Register Silver until he spoke up, when it can clearly tell he has higher ranking 'badges' and even scanned him and saw he had more. What's more we know you can no remove them until you have them all. So if there was a sudden mistake, or out in the battle field and put on dead people's stuff to become even strong and win a fight, you will be killed without question?
The entire thing just doesn't make sense, with too many holes. Most likely you're just going to blame it all on 'It Malfunctioned' but that isn't enough of an excuse! from what we saw NOTHING else was Malfunctioning at all except the computer thing, and it was random chance that it would kill him? The computer didn't just shutdown and overloaded from Memory/Data? And what is powering it? What kinda power source did it have to still be around eons later? And why go and attack Ponyville? None of it makes sense! It's just... There... to kill off Silver and end the store. It's a Deus Ex Machina to end the story.
There are many different ways you could have ended the story or had Silver die, but this one was just too unbelievable and doesn't make sense.
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ps. Also something about why he had to Die. The ship refused to take him prisoner:
A Malfunction wouldn't have changed the Protocol, or if it did would invalidated it and so no punishment could happen as it couldn't read what the Protocol was with it being corrupted. So the basic protocol is to kill, even if they surrendered. But if they are killed, how can the ship prove they were an intruder? They could get the corpse anywhere, could have been a diplomat they murdered and said was an intruder, and so many other things. There is no logical reason for the answer to be Death and only death. You're making it seem like whoever created it set up many many rules they had to follow to the letter or would die, and that every single person that interacted with them where perfect beings that never made mistakes and never tripped anything. Ever.
6511752
Let's work through this.
It appeared chapters ago. Twilight pointed it out in a telescope. Everyone stared at it, then they went and did other things. It never went away. It never forgot them. I even made a note of this. This wasn't nearly as sudden as you paint.
Affect what part of it 'negatively'? What did we see it do? It had doors they had to repair to even get open, but I guess those don't count. I mean that total survey they did... nevermind. I guess you're right, it was in top form.
Please apply logic harder. It recognized Silver as a user and requested their user name. It wasn't a match. They had a badge of office, so it casually created a user account for them, which is not something it'd normally do for someone asking nicely. If Silver had been promoted to captain instead of Night, everything would have came up swimmingly, but that didn't happen.
She was captain. To the computer, everything suddenly made sense. The captain was following the orders of someone with greater magical power and holding the control artifacts. She was under his control. As soon as they got close enough to engage enough defensive power to be sure, the ship destroyed the mind controller and restored the artifacts to the rightful person. Good job!
Why should the ship be upset about not accepting orders from a clearly compromised and threatened individual?
You're not making sense. A theoretical higher ranked person would have their own badges, but way more importantly, they would be registered! If they weren't registered, they wouldn't be recognized as anything but a random person. Would it care about their badges? Not as much. These badges clearly belong to this ship. It knew them. They belonged to the captain. Silver was not the captain. This was an error. An error that had to be addressed.
Also... I really shouldn't even have to explain this, but they couldn't TAKE THEM OFF. Death was the only solution. It was all neatly, coldly, logical. The captain must have the control devices.
A lot of this is a repeat of the above. The weapons surrounding the control center were doing better than others. The only weapons it used on Ponyville was a heat ray, and it wasn't even fired very rapidly. This was not a ship at 100%. DO NOT PUT ON DEAD SOLDIER'S STUFF, oh my god. Seriously? You call that an innocent mistake? Oops, I didn't mean to put on this powerful artifact after Bob died... Don't kill me, please. This is not a casual mistake one makes mid-battle.
The fact that it didn't speak up until then was another sign of erosion. Silver had to manually register himself, and everyone else afterwards. At that point, everything was fine. If Night Watch hadn't declared herself captain, the ship would have simply assumed there was no captain, despite the presence of the control artifacts. Once there was a captain, contingencies became active.
Sorry, there was no random chance that killed Silver. It was their decisions. It led them to where it could strike most effectively, then struck. Silver died.
Meh.
That ending........uh...wow......damn I did not see that coming despite clues that everything was not going to end well.
6511694 Well, whether you go on with it or not, it was a great story. It ended. It was appreciated. You weren't getting paid for this (even though people DO actually pay you for this sort of thing), it was just you sharing your brain-meats. You set up a nice little alternate universe with well defined rules to play in. You've been nothing but encouraging to other writers (even exceptionally bad writers). You did good.
6511570 I'm not saying that it wasn't well written or a logical progression, just that I personally have an aversion to the 'tragedy' genre. I tend to read stories for the happy ending, this didn't allude much at all that it was heading in that direction. Silver had escaped so many other dangerous situations that it would not be unfathomable that he would this time as well.
I wouldn't have been quite so irritated with this turn if it had that tag as I would have known that this was at least a possibility. Perhaps it's time to modify those tags a touch?
6511867 It seems disingenuous. The story is not about tragedy. It's kind of depressing to think that's all it is now.
6511811 Hmm... You've explained away a lot of it and I am too lazy to keep trying and point out the flaws in them. I still hate the ship and ending, but it's your story, and I have thousands of others to still to read that are or could be better, like your other stories. (ps. Without this story now you should now focus on the DT&SS Ponyfinder story!)
But there was still 1 thing you said that was false, or wrong.
You do not put on their uniform or badges, yes. That serves no purpose at all and is very disrespectful. Unless infiltrating an enemy base and looting their dead. However, if the dead guy had more Ammo, grenades, a better weapon, or something of use, You will loot that bastard and take his shit! To not do so would be stupid as fuck and probably end up killing you and the rest of your platoon/squad/whatever later on because you didn't have enough or better resources.
You had the items give the wearer better magic, better magical control, and physically putting them in good shape with more energy and so on. It would be STUPID to not loot them and put them on, since they are not Gene/Magic locked so only the person they are meant for can wear them until they have been reset back in home base somehow.
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Mainly my problem with the armor pieces, are that they are a badge at all. If the 'badge' was something else that made sense, I wouldn't have a problem. But the armor pieces seem like standard wear. As soon with Silver, when you wear it all it's VERY helpful, and safe. So it wouldn't be something for Military only, it would be something everyone would wear. What's more, you can't remove it unless you have the whole set, so why is a badge only 1 piece of armor? Wouldn't that fuck up badly with everyone's magic? Plus wasn't one piece attached to his balls and making him very horny and clouding his judgement?
How would that work Military wise, or even Civilian wise, as a badge? 1-2 pieces fucks with you, you need at least 3 to balance each other out. But badges are given out as different number of pieces? WHY? It just doesn't make sense. It's like telling rank, based on the different mods that people have on their Rifle, if having less mods on it made the weapon malfunction till you put more mods on it. It just doesn't make sense Logically in any form, not even from a strict Military Society fasion, and yet these ponies, beings, or whatever are futuristic and advance enough for these magical items no pony on Equestria, even the gods that have lived for thousands of years, have any idea how to make. It's backwords flawed thinking you would see in primitive Society and not Futuristic ones. To become Futuristic with all that Tech, they can't be bloody stupid, it would make sense as if they were stupid, how could they be Futuristic?
6511928
From the start:
Why on earth would you put on an artifact that takes time to even get used to not being disabled in? This is not what you do mid-fight. This is a good way to die. Each set is carefully balanced. If one guy has one piece, it will be designed to work by itself. Shoving something else in there? Yeah, welcome to incapacitation. Remember when Silver had one? It worked out great for him! Same thing for anyone else slapping one on. Just... no. Night Watch would have been crushed if the ship actually fought back against her.
Oh, so you do remember it? As noted above, they're created as a damn set. It's like saying charging into battle in nothing but rain boots and complaining it doesn't work well. Someone who only had one piece would have a more central piece, like the tabard she just got. Would it work as powerfully as the captain suit? Hell no. Nor should it be.
Deep breaths. If you want to balance with less pieces... you could, but where are WE EVEN GOING WITH THIS ARGUMENT? We are discussing one set. One. Not 'any' set. The captain set has 5 pieces all designed to work together into a powerful whole.
Someone else's set? Could be built differently. One piece, two pieces, ten pieces, who knows! We heven't ever seen another suit, but saying it 'couldn't' work with more or less pieces is absurd.
6511973
But WE didn't know that, till you just made it up, outside of the story. We don't know that there was more than one, and that they acted differently. We don't know anything, because you explain it all away OUTSIDE of the story to explain away plotholes that didn't make sense IN the story.
It's like watching a movie and seeing so many plotholes, but if you read the book that the story was based on, or read anything from the creator, it would explain away the plotholes. The plotholes would make sense now, but they would still be in the movie, and the movie would be a failure as you should never be forced to look outside of it to explain away plotholes.
You explain away my questions, but the story itself still has those flaws and plotholes. Because since it isn't actually in the story, your explanation ultimately doesn't exist. You say it does, but the story doesn't have that information. The computer malfunctioning? That part was explained away.
But different sets, having different rules? That there are more than 1 and that they are all very different, even tho they work the same way and look the same way?
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You said in a different comment that this was a Spur of the moment thing. That the ending just came to you and you wrote it. It seems like you wrote it but it doesn't make sense, it was a spur of the moment thing and thus doesn't follow logic or rule, it just happens becase it does. So now you are trying to make up anything you can to keep that ending and fill in any plotholes outside the story, so you don't have to keep working on it. It's basically "This is the ending, I don't care how stupid or illogical it is, It stays. The end." Even the other commenters don't like it and saying it came out of no where. I'm just the only one actually trying to understand why and pointing out that it's bad, and not excepting blindly that it's how it should end, even if it didn't make sense.
6512052 You don't seem to be capable of keeping this logical.
If you want to point out a plot hole, you have to stay with the information you have. You know that the artifact we have comes in 5 pieces. You know wearing less than the full set is far from ideal, though at least 3 is reasonable. Everything outside of this? You're guessing wildly and blaming it on me for being a 'plot hole'.
Other suits? It's never implied there are any, except for the hooves that apparently just acted as RFID tags to keep ponies sorted out for the computer and that's all they, confirmably, did. Maybe they do more? Or not? We're not told, so we can't say. So stop trying to say.
6512086 What we know, is that there was only 1 set, that it was magical and created a long time ago tho we didn't know by who. There were 5 pieces and that was ALL that there were.
It was only the very last chapter, that brought up there being more pieces, that as far as we know were carbon copies of the same set that Silver is wearing.
However, the Computer attacked Silver, because he was wearing more, yet only the Shoes were given as a form of Identification, and nothing was given to Night when she was set to Captain. There was no 'Go here to get your Captain Set', no requirements, no nothing. Just 'Ok, you're Captain now'. Then 10 seconds later 'Oh wait, you're not the Captain yet, and I will not listen to anything you have to say, till this intruder is murdered painfully'.
The computer attacked Silver because he was wearing more, and ONLY because he was wearing more. There was no other explanation given such as he's wearing the Captain Set and not Night, or that the Set was required by Night, and no reason WHY that set it off. You explained why in the comments outside the story, but not IN the story. So in the story, it doesn't make sense.
You explained as well, that the Computer set Silver to a 'User' because he was wearing the shoes, and had he to do so manually, and that when we was scanned it didn't auto set him a higher rank even tho he was wearing a higher ranked set. However, as soon as he entered the Bridge, it instantly auto detected that he was wearing a higher rank set than a User, and that Night a captain was not even tho it never gave Night a set and never detected any of the sets till they manually added themselves to the User list.
That right there contradicts itself. It works 1 way in the beginning, then suddenly works different at the end as an excuse to kill someone.
We see that anyone can put on the shoes and be seen as a User, doesn't matter if the shoes are stolen or not, they just tell it to add them and if it scans the shoes, it does so. There were no restrictions. In fact, Twilight, Night, and Rainbow didn't even have any form of a 'badge', and were registered because Silver was touching them. And when it did, it Detected they weren't wearing shoes and gave them replacements.
Night, however, became Captain and NOTHING happened beyond it saying 'Ok'. It didn't check if she had the set or not, it didn't say she needed it or not, and it didn't give her a set when it detected she didn't have one yet. There was nothing to indicate that anything beyond the Shoes meant anything at all.
However, as soon as Silver entered the Bridge, it attacked him. It didn't scan him or Night, and didn't give any warning before that point. What's more, we know that without having all 5 pieces, the armor can never be removed, maybe. Even that is iffy as no one has ever had all 5 pieces.
So if the pieces work as ranks, Shoes being User and more pieces mean higher rank, why does it need a User Name attached to the person and the pieces? The ship detected Night was a captain, but wasn't wearing more pieces of armor, so attacked the person that was. However, Silver was wearing more pieces and wasn't detected as anything but a User and ONLY as a User.
So what we have is, for User, you need Shoes or be touching someone that has Shoes. For Captain you need more pieces than anyone else. If you have more Pieces, but are not a Captain, you will be killed... And yet it didn't detect or try to kill Silver in the beginning, and set him as User even tho it detected he was higher ranked. And then when someone set themselves as a higher rank but did NOT have the pieces to back it up, they detected the one that DID as the intruder and not the one that doesn't have the pieces.
The story basically just Contradicts itself.
You explained it away in comments, but not in the story. In the story, it doesn't make logical sense with the information we have. You ADD information OUTSIDE of the story, to explain it away, but INSIDE the story it doesn't work. Do you see my problem?
6512182 You keep saying things without any amount of sense or logic!
They are given the shoes by the computer. That's about as opposite of stealing as it gets. Here, have these. OH YOU HORRIBLE THIEVES!
The computer did guide her towards the captain's set... except the part Silver was WEARING! It then ripped it off his remains, and slipped it on her and offered the other two pieces to finish the job. Mission accomplished. It says, out loud, why it's doing what it's doing as it does it.
It says it does not trust the captain isn't being controlled by the huge magical thing right next to her that is also wearing the captain's suit without being the captain. There, that. Done. Please stop saying it came out of nowhere. Please stop saying it isn't explained outside the story. It is shouted inside the story.
6512197
No it was NOT!
But it was a STOLEN pair that Registered them! It never detected that Silver's were stolen! They were registered to HIM. NOT to the CAPTAIN rank.
It didn't guide Night to the other pieces. Night set herself as the Captain. No pieces or information was given, it didn't scan her for the Pieces or anything. Logically, it should have scanned her, and denied her, and back in the beginning when it Scanned Silver, should have Auto set HIM to Captain. And then after being set to Captain, Night went and set Silver and the others under her. Again, no sets or information was given. Then NIGHT said to guide them to the bridge. Nothing was said to have been guiding Night to the other Captain set, that there was a Captain set, or that it was need to BE a Captain.
Also it did not say: it does not trust the captain isn't being controlled by the huge magical thing right next to her that is also wearing the captain's suit without being the captain. It said, and I quote:
That doesn't say Captain Set, it doesn't say different rank, doesn't say stolen set. It simply says that Silver has more number of Pieces. Yet never reacted BEFORE this point. What's more, to interact it had to SCAN the person. Yet here in the bridge there was no Scanning involved!
The DOORS needed power, but yet not the Weapons or anything else on the Bridge. Anyways, It never rescanned them, or gave any information. Just as soon as they entered, it attacked instantly.
Nothing pointed out that Silver was wearing the Captain set, no error was given about it till it tried to kill him and it didn't even say it was because it was the Captain set, only that he had more Pieces than Night, which again was never stated to be a problem!
It explained they had to wear the shoes:
They were Badges of Identy. But it was never said anywhere that the Captain HAD to wear the Captain set and that ONLY the Captain can wear it.
So again, where, WHERE is it shouted inside the story?
6512280 This...
You are correct, the computer has identified that the user wearing RFID tag (NUMBERS) is to be identified as Silver Stars. Access level: User.
Who gives a flying fig? The computer knows it is murdering Silver Stars. Good on you, computer, at least you knew the name of the pony you killed. Glad that was established.
It scanned each pony as Silver introduced them. This was mentioned. So it knows the 'captain' has no control pieces.
The captain asked to be guided to the control room, a very logical request! That's where the other two control pieces are, and where its defenses are fairly active. The first part of that is revealed after the murder. The second part during the murder. None of this is me revealing new information.
It never uses the word captain set, yep. You should completely ignore the word 'captain set' as it has nothing to do with nothing. Let's stick with control artifacts. This changes... absolutely nothing.
It had a registered captain in an area where it could protect her, and attack Silver confidently, so it did so, quickly and efficiently. Murder occurred. It declares afterwards that all is now well and gives the control artifacts over to Night Watch, guides her to the other two, and doesn't resist as she begins tearing it apart.
The doors always had power. Oh my god. It's like you didn't read... Every door they ran into tried to open and grinded loudly against the broken channels and debris that blocked them. They had power! They were busted, but they had power. When Twilight applied electricity, I specifically noted it repaired the mechanical damage and the doors resumed functioning. Why would you even bring up power? Did you actually read this?
It said that TRADING WAS FORBIDDEN. But she is the captain! And the captain is supposed to be wearing the control artifacts. And it was established that the hoof arftifacts also identify them.
You know what that makes Silver? AN OUTLAW! He is wearing what he should not be. He is not a captain. He is not in control. He is an intruder. Steps were taken.
Please, stop. Just. Stop. You are wrong. Admit you are wrong. For once on this site, someone admit they're wrong in an argument.
It ist a bit like the ending of Mass Effect 3. I unterstand why you did it but his death by an angry spaceship left me laughing for half an hour cause it seemed ridiculous that he was “deleted“ like a bad typo.
6512344 ... That description. It's so perfect...
Thank you.
I feel as if you ended the story too soon. There were various plot threads that weren't addressed, a prime example being Starlight Glimmer, and her obsession with Silver. If this chapter is truly the end of this series, then I personally think you've killed off an interesting series that could have had more to offer the readers.
I know a lot of the people here have been rather upset that you killed off Silver in this recent chapter, I myself profess a certain disappointment in the manner in which you killed him, but it is, in the end, your story, and your characters, though I think you wouldn't have had this much of a backlash had you tagged this story as "tragedy", as up until this moment, we haven't really been lead to believe that things would end in this way, and this quickly.
I had honestly thought that you were going to end this story upon Silvers return to Equestria, and then start another story, which is probably another reason why people are upset as they do not feel as though this particular section meshes well with the rest of the story.
Finally, I just want to say that I feel as if you hate Silver. It didn't really dawn on me until this chapter, but looking back, it makes a certain amount of sense, at least to me. Every time Silver found some kind of happiness, you the author punished him, and this last chapter is a pretty good example. Up until now, things have been going good for Silver, he's back in Equestria, he's got a pair of foals that he loves, his wives are fairly happy and he's happy, and then, boom, alien ship shows up, attacks Ponyville, and Silver and co. go to stop it. Then, bam, Silver gets cooked alive and dies, and that's the end of the story.
All in all, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. The way you ended the story makes the rest of it feel...un-fulfilling. There is no pay off, no meaningful ending or send off. One moment he's there, next he's a pile of smoldering ash on the cold metal floor and that's it, it just cuts off and there's no more, as if I were watching a movie that was cut part way through and I'll never see the true ending.
As a reader, this leaves me feeling cold and un-fulfilled, and that is something that an author should never leave their readers feeling. I'm not sad or happy or angry, I'm just...empty, and that's it.
6512381 The story did end there. People didn't really like it ending there.
Really, there is no winning. I'm sure he'll still be called overpowered.
6512381 As for being cut off, it's about as final as it gets. Silver's story is very over. Are there other characters we could focus on? Sure. But it isn't Silver's story. He's dead, arguably as he should have been last time, as a she. That's OK, people freaked out and said I was a horrible person back then to. Every step of this journey I've been a horrible author.
That is how it works.
6512314 Ok, I was wrong about needing Power, tho I still would love to know what kinda Source they have that could last forever and a half. Anyways, onto the other parts:
I do, because The computer didn't just Register Silver and the others into the Computer. The SHOES were also assigned to them. And with Silver wearing the 'Captain set' (I'll keep using that to keep it simple and on the same page), it Registered HIM as the owner of THAT specific set.
But it never GAVE her the 'Captain set', it never Registered her a Set period! It never made a new one, nor reacted to Silver's as being a 'Captain set'! As I said before, it should have saw her AND Silver as the Intruders, and not just Silver. Night has the right rank, but NOT the identification! And yet Silver has the right identification, but not the right rank, which should have been Auto corrected when it scanned him! Also the Trading works BOTH WAYS as well, it wouldn't have just registered Silver as the outlaw because he had the set, it would have registered Night one too, because for Silver to have it, she must have traded/given it away, especially since there probably was no report of it being stolen with a replacement being made for her!
But it wasn't established as being the ONLY one. As was pointed out in the information we were given in the story, 1 piece does haywire things to the person, and to take it off you need the full set. For all we know, it could have 'malfunctioned' and only gave the shoes and nothing else when it should have, or the rest of the 'Uniform' was elsewhere and Night gave an order before it could direct them to the rest. After all, it made copies of 1, why not the others too? They were never stated to do that, or work that way. But also, it was never stated they DIDN'T work that way, and we only have Silver's pieces to work with for information on them.
Whats more, you're saying it ignored Night's own Identification shoes, that were Registered a User and Registered to her. And instead detected that Silver had more pieces, that were also Registered as User, and Registered to HIM and not Night.
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Take it as Swiping an Identification card into a Card Reader that is connected to the Database for Users and Rank.
Silver swipes his Admin level card, even tho is rank is User? Granted because tho his rank is User, He needs ATLEAST a card of User level, or HIGHER.
Night swipes her User level card, even tho is ranked Admin? Denied because tho her rank is Admin, her card is only User level, and not Admin level or higher.
It would probably log that Silver used a different Card for Security to look into and investigate, but wouldn't stop him. Night however, wouldn't be allowed in and Security would probably be alerted on the spot.
-
While this ship's computer is far more advance, if broken, it should work the same way. Because if someone gets promoted, or demoted, how would they remove/replace the pieces without the other pieces to complete the set so they can be removed? What's more it isn't just Silver is a User and needs a User badge. It's Silver is a user, and has this very specific badge. It is his, registered as his and only his. It is not Captain's Badge, or Rank's Badge, it is Silver's Badge. NOT Night's Badge, as she already has own, and when promoted to Captain, her Badge was thus also promoted to Captain. After all, if they are a Captain, why would they have an inferior User badge?
6512426 I'm just going to have to assume you don't work with computers very much. The computer registered a number, whatever crazy number the shoes return when pinged. This became Silver's user number. It didn't say the number outloud because computers rarely bother because user's often get confused by them, but almost every system with a user name also keeps a user number quietly in the background. That's it.
Was he wearing the wrong set? Yes. Did the computer care? At first, no. There was no captain. If there is no captain, then that lockdown IT TALKED ABOUT is in effect. There are no commanders. It does nothing. It keeps people out of the sensitive places. It's doing its job until a registered captain returns.
Oh wait, here's one right there! Hello Captain Night Watch. Let me get your tools ready for you. MURDER! Here they are, ignore the ash. My, you're looking good today, Captain!
Are you asking why it didn't give her ANOTHER captain set? Who said it could? Who said it even existed? It didn't. It surely didn't. It surely did not act like that was an option. It either didn't care to exploit that option, or didn't have that option. Make a choice, either is equally valid, but please god stop asking why it didn't give her a new one like it should just be assumed the ship has infinite captain sets.
Why the hell did it come from wherever it came from to find the suit if it had another just laying around? Think. Please. Damn. Think...
When Silver registered, there was no captain, and no problem.
When Night Watch redefined as the captain, problem was created. The ship corrected it as soon as it was feasible to do so.
What the hell are you going on about one part two parts? The hooves they were given were described as having no special effect, other than securing themselves. They did nothing. Great. The ship seemed happy with them and identified them properly through them. RFID tags, neat. Magical artifacts that'd throw you off? They don't seem to be that model. Why would you even assume they are that model?
You will note that when it popped the shoes over Night Watch's shoes, they merged. her tag remained correct, but now she had the 'captain set' on. All was right with the world, from the computer's perspective.
Everything makes sense.
You say she 'swiped a user card', but that shows another fundamental lack of understanding of computers. The card says 'I AM USER (numbers)' That is all it says.
The computer looks up user (numbers). Access Level: Captain. User Name: Night Watch. Access granted. That's how they work.
Your last paragraph? Sorry, I can't even start to understand it.
WTF man! This ending sucks. What was the point of all of the emotional development to get here. Not to mention all of the unfinished things that had yet to be addressed. I mean if you want a break from writing, I get it. But, seriously why did you think it necessary for emotional evisceration. And, don't tell me that it was good writing as an excuse. I agree with some of the others that if this is truly the end I will have to give this a thumbs down and remove it. If I wanted meaningless death I would read a Warhammer 40K novel not something with MLP. Also, this death is just that meaningless and contrived.
6511874 well that is what is now. a GD tragedy for no GD reason!
6512555 Why do people say things like this? If I was planning anything, why would I go ahead? I don't like caving into loud people. Remember the time everyone said they'd unsub and -1 if Silver became female? That worked out well for them.
6512563 because a pointless death is very different than a gender change. One ends the story for no reason and with many things undone. The other is merely a complication that the protagonist has to deal with.
6512649 Not to those people it clearly was not. What is 'pointless' and 'story ending' varies, a lot, depending on who you ask.
Was it the "Text"?
There are two spaces between "Silver" and "tried."
There are two spaces between these sentences.
It shuddered, then "shot" up into the sky.
6512771 As fixed as this chapter ever will be.
6512783 I write this with a caveat: I broke my own rule for this review, which was that I'd review each chapter before I read the next one. In this case, between having seen on the "Stories" page that the story had concluded, and with how this chapter had ended I couldn't stop myself from reading the epilogue (which is what the next chapter is). I'm still reviewing this chapter by itself here, but my take on this is somewhat mitigated by knowing what happens next.
In reading this chapter, I found myself simultaneously impressed and unsatisfied with how this chapter brought the story to an end. I'm impressed because "kill your babies" is - to my mind - the single most valuable piece of advice an author can keep in mind while writing. To me, one of the worst things an author can do is fall in love with his own characters to the point that he forgets that they're there in service to the plot, and that if the plot calls for them to die, then they should die in order to advance it. So in that regard, my hat is off to you for doing this.
Having said that, however, it's important to note that this isn't so much advancing the plot as it is concluding it; moreover, it concludes it in a very abrupt manner that simply doesn't feel satisfying. However, I don't believe that's because of any particular inconsistencies with the in-world logic of what happened. We knew that this ship had some sort of connection to the artifacts, and we knew that Night Watch, who didn't wear the artifacts, had designated herself the highest-ranked pony on board. Moreover, we knew that the ship was aware that Silver was the one wearing the other artifacts. That, together with the fact that the ship's computer was self-evidently malfunctioning (and given that the computer was some sort of A.I., that made its particular brand of "insanity" entirely plausible, or at least plausible enough for me to suspend disbelief), makes its sudden homicidal rampage towards Silver entirely believable.
In short, the problem I had with this story wasn't with its self-consistency.
Before I go on, I want to note a tangential problem I had while reading Silver's last words. He bid a tearful farewell to Night Watch and Twilight. He told them what to tell Shei and Tumble and Nefertari...but he had no words for Fast Change? Really?! I mean, yeah, it's hard to think of sudden goodbyes and all, but that he apparently forgot her in his last moments really rubbed me the wrong way. He should have had words to say to her!
Ahem. Getting back on topic, the problem I had with this story's ending wasn't with the in-world sequence of events. Rather, it was with their lack of narrative elegance.
All stories operate on two levels simultaneously. The first level is the in-character aspect of the story, which demands that things have internal logic and self-consistency with regards to how the world is set up and how the characters within it act. The second level is entirely meta-contextual, which is where the presents itself as being a piece of media to be consumed and enjoyed by its audience. This second level is why we have things like three-act structure and other forms of narratology. This second level is also why excuses like "it doesn't have to have a clean resolution, because it's meant to mimic real life, and real life doesn't have a clean resolution" are just that: excuses. Ultimately, it's wrongheaded (to my mind) for a story to try and escape its own fundamental nature as being a story - the entire goal of the work is to entertain its audience, whether by humor, action, tragedy, etc., and the reason why we want a narrative to maintain structure as a narrative is because that's the best way we've found for it to be able to do that.
Silver's death, here, doesn't give us that sense of narrative cohesion. It simply comes out of nowhere, presenting us with almost no narrative buildup before it happens (in terms of previous chapters, and only a little bit in this one) and only a meager amount of resolution after the fact. To be fair, it does present rhetorical significance as it's actually happening; the story does a good job of putting us in Silver's proverbial shoes as he meets his end...but that alone isn't enough to alleviate the lack of narrative meaning to this happening at all, and given that the end of a story is supposed to showcase that narrative meaning, this could not be any more unsatisfying for it. (Though the next chapter does help to ameliorate this, somewhat.)
I read your comments in reaction to this story, and while I'm normally very uncomfortable with reading into an author's state of mind based on their work, they seem to confirm what this chapter suggests: that you basically threw this fic away in a fit of pique. That's a shame because, for all of my critiques (and I admit I had many, though I like to think I was fair in them, and praised this story where it deserved it) I did like reading about Silver's journey.
I just wish it came to a better end, both for him, and for the readers.
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Silver Stars NOOOOO
Once human, once foal, once mare, once princess, once prince, once diplomat, now dead. He never got his rainbows. They never shone for him. His part in the grand play of things was over. Perhaps it was for the best. There were others who needed their time in the light. The world would spin without him, as it had before him.
He can only hope the words of his story were worth remembering. That he was worth remembering.
But he will be remember buy friends and family.
Well that was unexpected...