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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Should be: bit his hand
Silver took or shook out his hand not hook.
6272114 Fixed that, and another typo close by. Two for one!
Man...Silver is much much much stronger than that....what the fuck happend?
6273085 I'm not sure I follow what you're asking?
6273140 He seem oddly weak and puny compare to what I have seen him cacaple of....And his potential is great too.
6273154 He won the fight, and was already hurt. Don't you think you're being a bit harsh?
6273159 Harsh? No...I'm not saying or doing anything that can be considered harsh.
Saying someone oddly weak and puny compare to what they seem to be able to do isn't harsh. It is pointing out the fact.
6273237 You seem to have ignored the more important part. Silver was already hurt and got pressed into a sudden and unexpected battle. He won the battle, and even earned a grudging respect from his challenger for it.
Why is this puny for him? Should he have just cocked a brow at the challenger and exploded him?
6273260 I'm not much of a peacemaker so I would probably have ran a spear through the guy's heart/neck or slash a sword through his major blood vessels?
Isn't this why they wanted him to have a wider repertoire of memorized spells? Fire can only go so far?..
Keep going! ;)
a short sweet and to the point chapter. and it has beaten back the typos rather good.
Harts Fire
Don't capitalize "kicked."
His ears "were" homed in on Silver.
Silver's "still-sore" legs.
Before he "spun" around.
Sending him back several "feet."
He "spun" with a speed that seemed...
Fighting "alongside" us.
Turning them back at the "border."
Capitalize "i."
6286410 Typos left behind in Saddle Arabia.
6286447 Reading this chapter over, I'm not entirely sure what to make of it, because it seems to have only a single goal with regard to the overall story: introducing Firm Touch. Other than that, it's simply a minor lull between Silver's realization of what's about to happen and what he can do about it, and the Anubians marching off to what will likely be their last war.
In that regard, Firm Touch seems like he has the potential to be an interesting character - keeping a single, aggressive Anubian around might be interesting - but at this point, we don't know much about him. He does seem to respect Silver, despite (or rather, because of) that terrible wound Silver gave him, so it's fun to think that they might end up being close friends in the future (and heavens knows that Silver could use some male friends...presuming that Firm won't be interested in him sexually!). That said, he's largely a blank slate at this point; how much he develops is up to future chapters.
Beyond that, the fight scenes were fairly well-done, though I was surprised at just how long it took Silver to stop fighting so reluctantly. He's already established that differences of opinion are resolved via trial by combat, so it made little sense that he kept holding back so much. I suppose this can be attributed to his general lack of experience with his new "war form." Beyond that, the fight went rather well.
At this point, though, there's little left to be done but save those that he can, and leave the rest to their fate.
6286565 Man. People don't do things they knew they should all the time. Just because, intellectually, Silver knows what needs to be done, it doesn't mean emotionally everything will fall into place. He doesn't like fighting. He really doesn't like fighting. It's uncomfortable for him, arguably more uncomfortable than being thrown around. Bloody pacifist.
He did get over it though, as he had to. Firm was not going to let him get away without total defeat or victory, so the fight happened. Silver feels awful for the wound he inflicted, even if it was the 'right' thing to do. That is something that Firm doesn't like. Silver needs to get over it, or be run over.
I'm really digging this Anubian arc, much less sexing up everything and more action. Good stuff and well written to boot.
6339047 Turkey had a lot of sex in it? Their gloriously insane king doesn't rate?
taking
"Growling"? Or "growing"? Either could work.
"Spun."
I wonder what they'll think when Silver walks off with their head magic-user...
7782612 Fix'd!
He's so weak! Omfg!