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Pronouns typically refer to the last named person who fits that gender, which in this case is Celestia, but the pronoun here is referring to Clawdius. Since she says her name here, saying her name in this preceding sentence would also be cumbersome. Ergo, I recommend changing this to "The pharaoh bowed to the ponies."
Same thing, here, except I'd replace "She" with "Amenti."
This should be "destabilized" rather than "unstabilized."
There's no hyphen in "hind paws."
They hold all the cards, "or" at least most.
I'd change "further" to "more." The use of "further" is ambiguous if she means "further discussions" or "further in the future."
6066936 Typos fixed, though I only just realized myself that if Luna had shown up when originally intended, she would have spoken to said father and possibly avoided the entire situation. Damn it, Silver!
Teleportation will always be useful.
6067012 Always. It's far beyond time Silver learn this trick.
This series just gets better and better!keep up the great chapter .
6067036 Thanks for the kind words. :)
6067043 As if personal struggles and family management weren't enough you throw in political intrigue... Very nice and well done so far!
6067194 And yet it felt extremely important to not have Silver just... kinda know what to do here. He has no reason to have a good answer for this, though it doesn't stop him from wanting to help.
the plot is thickening I am really liking how this is going.
Harts Fire
6066970 Reading over this chapter, I have distinctly mixed feelings about how the political intrigue is playing out. It's clear that the story is trying to present a complex, multifaceted situation, but I have some doubts about how well it's working. Specifically, the backdrop against which the current dynamic is set feels incomplete, and the immediate conclusions that are being drawn feel premature.
Before dissecting these further, I want to take a moment to underline that I am a fan of the direction that the story is moving in. I think that political intrigue, with its ability to easily lend itself to highlighting the differences between what characters want to do versus what's best for them to do, is rich with dramatic potential. Moreover, it's an area ripe with intricacies that are easily turned into narrative fodder. I'm really, really glad that we're finally seeing more of this - we haven't had much of this since Silver was an ambassador for the humans, so long ago - and I don't want my criticisms to come across as dislike for the idea as a whole. Rather, I want the fic to keep striving to up its game in this regard.
With that said, the immediate issue that I'm running into is that the nature of the current problem - in terms of the situation in Anugypt - is still largely undefined. While we've been told that the country's situation is precarious, the only specifics we've been given in this regard are 1) that Amenti, the pharaoh, has no real political power, and 2) is begging Equestria to shore up her rule. That's only the tip of the iceberg - in order to appreciate the scope of the problem, and thus judge potential ways to tackle it, we need more information about the opposition that she's working against. Specifically, three things: we need to know who has power in the country if Amenti doesn't (it need not be a single individual, or even a single faction, but the power-players in Anugypt aren't unimportant; someone is running the country), we need to know how they're leveraging political power (e.g. do they have control of the military? Are they incredibly rich to the point of being able to control the nation's wealth? Do they have foreign backing in some regard?), and we need to know why they're doing this (e.g. what are they trying to accomplish? Why do they not feel that Amenti is their ally with regard to their schemes?).
It's worth noting that many of these same questions can be applied to Amenti, as well. While meeting her answers the "who," we still don't know much about the "why," beyond that she wants to apparently do right by her people and honor her father's memory, which is rather diffuse...and leaves the question of "how" entirely open. To be fair, the "how" of it all is clearly the main question that she's struggling with, and was hoping that Celestia had the answer for her.
Having mentioned her, I do think that Celestia's portrayal here was slightly off in terms of the feel of her character. While she was stating the proper position in terms of "my country comes first," it felt a little awkward that she was so matter-of-fact about it. I'd have expected her to act in a more apologetic manner, since that's sort of the expected tone to take when someone asks (or practically begs) for help, and you have to say no. I feel that she should have been "I feel for you, but my hooves are tied," rather than "there's nothing I can do. Deal with it." It also felt rather odd that she was analyzing the situation to Silver right there where Amenti could hear. That's not only rude, but it lets Amenti have insight into Celestia's thought processes - you never want to let another country's ruler see the manner in which you make your decisions, simply because that lets them have insight into how you think.
That's the problem with the setup so far. The remaining issue I had was with the conclusions that were drawn, insofar as the idea that "we can't help, or it'd start a war." That might be the case, but only if the situation was extremely precarious in a variety of ways...which, again, the premise hasn't spelled out for us. Without that backdrop, there's no reason to presume that Celestia was right when she affirmed Silver's idea that helping Amenti would have meant going to war with Anugypt.
That's because there's a wide amount of latitude between "nothing" and "war" that can be taken advantage of, should Celestia be so inclined - that doesn't mean that they'd be good ideas for Equestria, necessarily, but she does have options that could likely be exercised without things degenerating into an armed military conflict. Specifically, she has economic, financial, and political powers that she can flex to help support and strengthen Amenti's regime. This would not be hard to do, since we've already established that Equestria and Anugypt are trading partners (which makes sense, given that Anugypt is centrally-located for that part of the world, and that Equestria has "allies" that are presumably in the region...such as Saddle Arabia).
In fact, those allies are among the primary methods by which Celestia would use to try and stabilize things in Anugypt. She already has a working relationship with the king and queen of Saddle Arabia. She could very well encourage Saddle Arabia to make a show of support in favor of Amenti's regime, playing it up as being in both country's (Equestria's and Saddle Arabia's) best long-term interests to have her on the throne (though that would require that she be able to demonstrate the reason why it'd be in their best interests), and/or by cutting a deal - or even making a veiled threat - for them to support Amenti. Equestria can't be accused of interfering with Anugyptian politics if they do so indirectly through a third country.
But then, she doesn't even need to do the indirect route. If Equestria is already a trading partner with Anugypt, then they already have myriad ties that she can manipulate in order to strengthen Amenti's position. For example, they could agree to expand their trade agreements in a fashion that would benefit Anugypt (something that would support the poor would be especially popular), and then hold a joint public announcement where she gives Amenti credit for striking such a lucrative deal. Alternately, she could announce that her government is going to invest in Anugypt's economy via a series of loans given in parcels over the next ten years or so, making sure to emphasize (implicitly, not explicitly) that these are contingent upon Amenti's regime being in charge.
Alternately, Celestia could talk to the opposition and use a stick instead of a carrot. She already said that she could warn her people to stay out of Anugypt; if she tells them that she'll do that if Amenti is overthrown, what effect would that have on their economy? Would trade be crippled (though that would hurt both countries - the logistical question would be which country would be hurt less, by having trade with other countries pick up the slack)? Would that hurt tourism? If she threatened to publicly announce a loss of confidence in a non-pharaonic regime, what would that do to Anugypt's military security, since other countries would know that Anugypt wouldn't be able to appeal to Equestria for aid if they were attacked?
Any one of these could buoy Amenti's standing. From there, she could try and court political allies from among pretty much anyone who already isn't in bed with her opposition, particularly if they had enough influence to affect local politics (e.g. people with a great deal of money, a large amount of public popularity, influence with the armed forces, etc.).
In short, Celestia still has a lot of clubs in her bag, insofar as affecting Anugypt's domestic situation goes. The question of which of these are feasible - and what the effects would be on Equestria for each one - depends entirely on the specifics of the situation. Hence why we need more background on what, exactly, is happening in this country. As mentioned, however, that doesn't mean that exercising these options are necessarily good for Equestria. Loaning money to a country can be risky if you don't think that the loan will be repaid (though that can be ameliorated by demanding that some assets - usually a chunk of land - be put up as collateral), for example. Still, Celestia is far from powerless, here.
I should mention, I don't think that any of these options would necessarily result in Anugypt going to war against Equestria as a consequence. There's a reason why war is typically used as a method of last resort among nations. Not only is there the risk that you'll lose (potentially everything), but even if you win it requires a major investment of time, money, resources, public goodwill, and citizenry (e.g. the soldiers you send to fight). Moreover, a war is predicated on the idea that the end-goal being fought for is worth attaining. In terms of a war of aggression - for where Anugypt would attack Equestria - that's a pretty hard sell. An intervening ocean is a major logistical barrier when fighting a war (all the more so if there's no pre-existing friendly territory that can act as a beachhead for your invasion, requiring you to fight as soon as you reach the shore), and what would Anugypt gain even if they won? Sheer distance from home, and being outnumbered by the local popularion, make it completely unfeasible for them to colonize any portion of Equestria. Likewise, I can't imagine what would be worth capturing, plundering, or otherwise taking as spoils that would be enough to make going to war a worthwhile investment. Simply put, Anugypt declaring war against Equestria wouldn't earn them anything in terms of net gain.
Anugypt might be able to justify a war if they proclaimed that it was undertaken to defend themselves from Equestrian aggression, but that'd be a really hard sell without something that was both obvious and provocative to shock the public into feeling that they were in immediate existential danger (e.g. they were told that Equestria assassinated the previous pharaoh), which is far and away more than what Celestia would presumably be doing to try and aid Amenti. Even then, that would only settle the question of what the war was being fought for (which would be some degree of punishment, e.g. making Equestria surrender, etc., rather than any substantive material gains); it wouldn't deal with the logistical issues, which seem like they would hurt Anugypt far more than they would Equestria...after all, Anugypt has less stability at the moment, and would need to bear the greater costs of being the ones to cross the ocean in order to attack.
To summarize, the political situation that this story is presenting us with is, so far, still incomplete. We don't know what Anugypt's current status is, and so it's hard to judge the merits of what Celestia is proposing. More work needs to be done here. The good news is that Silver is perfect to act as a stand-in for the audience here. Since he's ignorant of the political situation - and politics in general - he can ask the questions that we, the audience, want asked, and Celestia can explain it to him (and, by extension, us).
I should mention that Silver wasn't wrong to recommend Amenti take a diplomatic approach with the opposition. Simply put, she has very little to lose by doing so, simply because she doesn't have much left to lose. Presumably he was right in terms of her still have the "legitimacy" card to play, but that's largely dependent on the public's view of the office of the pharaoh. If she still has some degree of not-inconsiderable public support (her popularity with the servants might be a hint of that, here), then she still has that going for her, in terms of what she can bargain with.
Of course, even then she needs to be careful. The bit about her father not being old but dying of a sudden disease - and with things having been deteriorating even before then - raises several flags that point to "he was murdered; it was poison." That could very well be Amenti's fate as well, particularly since she has siblings that could be installed as figureheads in her place. She still has a little bit of room to maneuver, but she'll need to be careful not to play her hand strongly enough that she makes her opponents think she's more trouble than she's worth dealing with.
Leaving the political aspects of the story aside, it was nice to see the dichotomy between a castle and a palace mentioned, even if it was just to lampshade it. I still appreciated that it was talked about at all. Similarly, the mechanics of the teleport spell were interesting to hear about - spell-design is often played as "it's a spell; it works as an absolute," so going the other way lent a nice in-character consideration to the mechanics of spell use and design...which is sort of Silver's schtick anyway.
Overall, this was an imperfect chapter, but still a step in the right direction.
EDIT: Well, that's embarrassing; I wrote a review that's longer than the chapter!
6067552 I'm at my weekly RL Ponyfinder game, but wanted to toss out that Celestia has a reason for her actions. She is not being a careless person, er, pony. She said what she said because those who needed to hear it would hear it.
The walls have ears.
6067602 Believe it or not, that did occur to me - I didn't mention it because it seemed superfluous; if that's true for the pharaoh's throne room, then it's certainly going to be true in the quarters where Silver and Celestia are staying. As such, that means that there's currently no place for Celestia to speak honestly without fearing eavesdroppers (unless she has a spell for that).
6067625 Think outside the box. They have the tools. Celestia has plans.
6067206 I'm not arguing that point in any way, it just makes too much sense seeing as how Silver has had a few body swaps that he would be somewhat confused, not to mention the male/female swap and reversal... and the total lack of political immersion. Yet after all this he hasn't changed by much. Sure he still tries to be nice and help, but when push comes to shove he more than carries his own weight in a fight.
6067028 I've recently read a one-shot story called "Blink". It's about Twilight and her teleportation spell and I recommend you to read it.
6069100 I promise nothing! I keep wasting all my time writing.
The best kind. The servants are everywhere and everyone ignores them. The servants hear everything. If the servants love you, just ask and they will give you your enemy's on a platter. As pharaoh, you are the one who ultimately pays them. If you have their loyalty and their love, ask them to come to you with anything they find and they will. The servants and the "common folk" are the ones who really run the country. Or rather the only reason the people on top are there is because they allow them to be. The "King of the Mountain" is only on top until the mountain decides to move. So yes, the best kind of pharaoh.
6583315 Amenti is trying to do right.
was also very common.
Not that teleportation isn't useful, but lock-picking seems like it would be easier. Then again, that's not a very Solar skill.
That doesn't sound good, possibly 'I trust nothing untoward has happened?'
Seems a bit non-committal, maybe 'we will yet discuss more in the future.' not sure about the 'yet'. Sorry if we're picking on this statement but I think Amenti could you use a confidence booster right at this point.
I wondered when the teleportation spell would come in to his repertoire, you would have thought the warlocks or Twilight would have trained him in this in preparation for this trip.
I retract my earlier "spiked wool" comment, but I reserve the right to taunt her if she goes all Grumpy Cat.
6067552 See, as I said your reviews are almost a chapter to themselves. No matter what the problem in one country's politics, it simply isn't possible for another to step in to directly try and fix the problem, even with an invitation from the current head of state. If Tia steps in to try control this, the opposition could then rely on hidden allies to pronounce war on Equestria directly as a result. Politics is never easy and extremely convoluted, plans within plans abound. This is why the U.S. is always reluctant to step in to somewhere like Syria, Turkey, Iran or Kuwait without weighing up it's choices & knowing who will support or reject their efforts. Plus they need to have some simulacrum of an idea what will be the outcome of their actions that will limit bloodshed. All that said this is why diplomacy is the better option over direct action any day.
Silly Pharaoh, The keys to power are important, but there is no greater power in any kingdom than the loyalty of the servants that make it function. Though wielding such power may have great costs and challenges.
If that marked a song, that would've been really funny and fitting