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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I wonder what the name will be.
maybe sun deck of solarium? She's not flying to the sun, right?
Unless "to sun" means what I just realised it can mean.
English hard. Durr.
There needs to be punctuation at the end of this sentence.
A punch between the "hind legs."
6136426 Fixed!
6136436 This was a very straightforward chapter, in that it largely dealt with the continuing grief of Silver and Shei as they struggle to cope with Aila's death. I'm personally glad for this continued focus, as it would be very awkward and upsetting if Aila's loss wasn't presented as something that couldn't be quickly or easily gotten over. While the immediacy of it may ebb somewhat, I have a feeling that this isn't going to go away any time soon.
That's something I have mixed feelings about, simply because it changes the tone of this fic. On the one hoof, as I noted, it would be be upsetting if Aila's death was treated as anything other than a major event, one that has long-lasting consequences for those closest to her. The grief that Silver and Shei feel, and the effects that that grief has on their activities and mindset, is thus appropriate in how long it's held. However, from a narrative standpoint, this is now what the fic is about. The focus is no longer on the dramatic landscape of international intrigue nor on the titillating series of sexual conquests that Silver is driven - by both duty and desire, and now his magic item - to undertake. It's very difficult to focus on sexual shenanigans or political maneuvering when afflicted with deep and lasting sorrow.
I'm not at all sure how to reconcile this, as it presents something of a paradoxical nature between how I want the characters to act, and where I want this fic to go. It may be possible to bridge the gap - as exemplified by Silver's nocturnal playtime with Luna, and the resulting emissions all over Celestia - but this will be a difficult needle to thread.
Having said that, I did like how this chapter dealt with the unfolding nature of what Aila's loss means for those who were closest to her. Shei's mistaken assumption that Silver was looking to replace Aila was a very natural one, and it felt entirely plausible that she'd think that when it came to Silver looking to become sexually active with other mares. Similarly, it was nice to see Silver have some time to "cry it out," even if I thought that Celestia did push a little hard. How one expresses grief is incredibly personal, and I hesitate to subscribe to the idea that it can be pushed along, no matter how benevolent one's intentions or how lightly they push.
More appropriate, I thought, was how Silver dealt with the ponies on the ship who were uncomfortable with what he did. He showed a great deal of humility - to the point that I'd call it grace - in admitting, simply and without rebuke, to "common" ponies that he was wrong to do what he did. That's very big of anyone, especially a ruler...but then again, availability (in virtually any regard) has never been a weak point for Silver. Celestia was right to say that he was, in that regard, acting like a fine prince. I should mention, however, that while Luna would have been wrong to hold the entire affair as being "laughable" (though I suspect that she would have been more upset), her objection does contain a good point. Royalty, and indeed all rulers, have times when they need to be strong and unyielding, even in the face of popular opinion that disagrees with them. That's something Silver has never been good at, and why Aila was so good for him, since she encouraged that particular trait in him. With her gone, he no longer has anypony to push him to take on the more dominant aspects of being a ruler (certainly not Shei; she may call him "master," but she desires a soft touch, rather than a firm hoof).
As it stands, I did notice that the passage where Silver and Shei talked about Aila's funeral arrangements was the second time where Aila has offhandedly referenced the circumstances that made her and Aila leave home, without actually explaining them. While this isn't that hard to figure out (indeed, I was the one who initially posited the circumstances fully), it's a story that should be told plainly when hints of that level are being dropped. As it stands now, those circumstances are being referenced in a manner that acts as though their history, in that regard, is already known to us. It isn't, however, and so it should be, especially if Silver is about to go and face Aila and Shei's estranged family.
6136724 Or I'm a damn tease that won't let it go until they're facing those parents. Have no fear! Hijinks ensue next chapter to enjoy, say no more.
I wouldn't want Aila to fade abruptly, like a bridge fell on her or something. She was loved, and her parting is a hurting that lingers, but recovery is happening. Promising Shei she would be taken somewhere without bitter memories is a help towards that.
Writing about emotional pain is hard o_o, but required.
the Aila this sounds like a happy place to stay just like she was.
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6136762
Oh NO, for pity's sake don't you dare even think it Dave. Not Aila-inn, especially with Silver's history!!
This to is unnecessary, it would read better if you omitted it entirely.
This should be sank.
This should be off.
I feel as if this would read better if you used the word each instead of the.
7424153 More fixes, you're burning a path forward I see.
I think it should be either “tuning” or “kicking” instead.