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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Silver's being dreamy
Have a cookie everybody. (if you're allergic to cookies it's not my fucking fault)
6070554 Cookies, my worst enemy!
6070593 Fixed, what'd you think of the chapter?
It seems that the plot thickens. I hope that Silver has a faster learning curve now then, when he was learning the Magic letters.
Keep up the good Job you are doing.
Dragonfox
6070625 Well he's getting some mileage out of that teleport spell.
6070597
The combo sex/strategizing scene was quite amusing. Very fitting for Silver, and fitting for Celestia as she has become in this arc. (The lust for Silver is relatively new, but properly established by this point.) Made a lot of sense and overall well executed.
I'm slightly disappointed Silver didn't think of a way to disguise his dreamself before popping into the pharaoh's dream, even after Celestia just told him to, but I can see Silver making that mistake. The obvious choice would have been to become a feline, of course. I know it's not something Silver's practiced, but it seems like it should be easy enough for him to do a passable attempt. Now the pharaoh and her dream-invaders know she has a dreamwalker ally and believe it is a pony, and there aren't many viable possibilities as far as ponies in the area, even if they didn't specifically ID which one. They probably aren't paranoid enough to realize it could be a fellow feline disguised as a pony to steer them in the wrong direction.
Also:
After what the dreamscape, and thus the reader's minds, have been filled with all chapter, this is an amusing choice of words. Took me a while to get my mind out of the gutter on this one.
Dream sex and strategy session. I guess that's one way to save time. Not to sure if it was wise to enter Amanti's dream, but can't change that now.
Eeyup!
6070638 They didn't invade her dream. They invaded her room and woke her up. Silver feared another assassination attempt and teleported to her. As much as I'd have liked for him to have donned a disguise, he didn't have time.
6070645 It seems to be running gag that Silver ends up with a female between his legs when he teleports. This is the second time.
Capitalize the first letter of the first word.
"Amenti" is the center.
They were probably worried we'd "throw our support in" quickly with her sad tale.
Change "has" to "have."
Change "Amanti" to "Amenti."
Remove the space between "--" and "of."
Hyphenate "belly to belly."
The use of "exposed" twice here is a bit awkward. Change the first instance to "bared."
Explaining how he "came" back with two slaves.
You need to be consistent in how you use your dashes, at least within the same chapter. Since you used them before, make them double-dashes with no spaces between the words they appear between.
Hyphenize "belly to belly," again.
"Amenti."
Again, "Amenti."
Same thing with her name, here.
(I'm going to overlook further instances of her name being misspelled, simply for the sake of not going over the same thing again and again. The point remains that every instance of her name in this chapter needs that second "a" changed to an "e.")
6070686 1,000 years dungeon for all typos!
6070684
Oops, you're right, I misread that!
first I love the chapter name as it is one of the few times Fluttershy sings and shows us he gorges voice of Corse Sweaty Bell can sing really good also.
as to the chapter a promise is made. quote We'll return to Equestria with my womb quickened, or with the knowledge that it simply isn't possible."
I am hoping Silver lives throw the attempt, and I am also hoping it works but how will Luna tack the news. or if I remember I think Luna kind of knows from the derma world. not sure on that one.
this chapter really goes in to the running's of a kingdom and all of the happening in the back ground.
will Amenti finger out who her savior was? or will Silver keep that to him self?
Harts Fire
6070713 In this chapter, Celestia shows us her hoof as she and Silver are finally able to talk. In doing so, she puts a great deal of the previous chapter in a new light, showing that she's been playing her cards quite close to the vest. Several other topics are also touched upon, before Silver goes to visit the princess, interrupting another group of clandestine guests.
I have to admit, I'm slightly chagrined that I didn't foresee the use of Silver's dreamwalking to secure a place where they could communicate without fear of being eavesdropped on. That seems so obvious in hindsight, and works so well here, that it seems not only natural, but entirely expected. I have to applaud the ingenuity of application for that particular talent, here.
Insofar as Celestia's explanation goes, it did a very good job of throwing her words in the previous chapter under a new light. This was very well done, as it didn't waste any time in bringing the audience in on the explanation for what happened in the preceding chapter. Misdirection that goes on too long runs the risk of being forgotten, and thereby confusing the audience when it comes back into play - that's a general guideline rather than a rule, but here I appreciated how quickly we were shown behind the metaphorical curtain (though Celestia could still have been a bit warmer to Amenti while saying that she couldn't help).
My one critique of Celestia's explanation is that it portrayed her as being still very much in the dark regarding the political situation in Anugypt, as well as with regard to the other power-players in the nation. Simply put, I have a hard time buying that; Celestia really should have a fairly firm grasp on the basic lay of the political landscape. I say that for two reasons - the first is that she and Ambassador Doublebrush spent quite some time on that ship together, and I can't bring myself to believe that it was all just playing cards and making smalltalk. To be sure, Doublebrush is a servant of Anugypt, and not Equestria, and so she wouldn't reveal anything remotely sensitive about the nation...but at the same time, it doesn't serve her goals to keep Celestia entirely ignorant of it, either. As an ambassador, her goal is to foster prosperous relations between her country and Equestria, and for that to happen some exchange of information is not only expected, but necessary.
The second reason is the flip-side to the first: since there was an Anugyptian ambassador in Equestria, there must also be an Equestrian ambassador in Anugypt. This ambassador, while obviously given free reign in many regards, would still have been sending missives back to Equestria every few weeks or months. Moreover, they should be near the capital to the point where Celestia could visit them and be brought up-to-date on the current political climate. In fact, Celestia was missing for much of the previous day, if you'll recall (the day that Silver enslaved the Windsong sisters)...my guess is that she was visiting her embassy there to do just that.
As it stands, Celestia seems to have made up her mind that she wants to support Amenti, but I haven't heard if be definitively declares that that's what's best for Equestria. True, the opposition so far has been painted as murderers, and that's a big strike against them, but at the end of the day governmental policy is what makes or breaks an administration. Even if they root out and destroy the cats that are undermining Amenti, if she can't run an effective government then nothing can save her.
Of course, all of this was discussed cordially while Silver and Celestia were getting it on in her dream. Once again, her arousal was on full display - courtesy of her "being receptive" - and she was once again rather forceful in claiming what she wanted. Given how she acted last time this happened, one can only assume that she'll be cutely shame-faced when the morning arrives. That's not just because of her wild libido, either, nor even because of her aggressive drive (to the point where she was practically forcing herself on Silver). Rather, she went overboard with her demand that Silver try and put a foal in her by the time they leave.
At that point, she crossed the line. If Silver mounts her while she's in her season, then he's quite literally taking his life in his hooves (or other body parts), which means that she has no right to demand that of him. This is Celestia at her worst, though it's entirely in keeping with how we've seen her before, and given what we've seen of her when she's in a sexual high, I'm quite certain that she'll be mortified with herself when she comes to her senses.
Ironically, Silver has a method of calming her down if all else fails: talk about her sister. I'm still not sure if he mentioned her having a lunar foal on purpose to try and kill the mood, or if that was him being completely unable to read the situation (like it was with Luna when this exact same exchange played out). Either way, mentioning their sister whenever either alicorn is overly amorous is quite clearly the quickest way to cool them off, short of upending a bucket of water over them. Though I have to wonder if Celestia, of all ponies, would have a lunar foal. It's difficult to gauge that...though we know that "solar" (that is, "normal") ponies predate Celestia anyway, so it's not like she's the "solar All-mother" the way Luna is for the lunar ponies. Still, that doesn't tell us much.
I was glad to see Celestia chastise Silver with regards to the Windsong sisters, though. Not only was she right about keeping them in the dark for their benefit - I really can't see them being in a position to get involved with the political aspect of this trip - but it was quite wise of her to finally throw the word "slave" in Silver's face. He's clearly uncomfortable with that, but I suspect that this is one of those areas where he's going to have to come to terms with the fact that what he wants isn't going to be feasible. Equestria may frown quite severely on the practice of enslaving ponies, but there's a reason why Celestia is so nonchalant about the whole idea.
My guess, in that regard, is that Celestia recognizes that this is a difference in cultural norms and attitudes, and that there's really no way to tell someone else that their cultural practices - at least not ones that they've accepted, or even take pride in, the way the sisters seem to be doing here - are morally unacceptable. That's little different from impugning their entire culture as being a bunch of uncouth barbarians. Not only is that guaranteed to piss the other person off, it's also a terrible habit to get into when you're a prince, the way Silver is. Maybe if he hadn't engaged in the practice, he could have at least ignored the issue, but he didn't and now he's committed. I suppose he could always set them free after taking them back to Equestria, but it's becoming increasingly clear that they don't want that...Aila's comment in an earlier chapter about "using them and then throwing them away" was a clear indicator of that. It'd be far kinder to them to keep them as his slaves for the rest of their lives, since they clearly regard it as an honor, rather than freeing them.
Indeed, as was broached in the conversation between Silver and Celestia, Shei is making no move to hide the fact that she seems to be growing more and more happy with the situation as she grows acclimated to it. She clearly doesn't attach much ideological weight to the idea of not being owned, instead focusing on the prestige of being the second servant (her sister is the first) to such an important figure, as well as being kind, handsome, and generous. He's even going to teach them magic! As Silver knew and Celestia underlined, Shei would, at this point, do anything Silver said quite eagerly.
I mention all of that because I'm having a hard time understanding the basis of Silver's objection to availing himself of Shei, sexually. Maybe it's because having sex with a slave-girl feels too much like rape? Except that can't be it, because even Silver stated that he knew that Shei would eagerly consent. Maybe it's because sex without an established relationship feels too impersonal for him to be comfortable with? Except that can't be it either, since he's studding mare after mare...indeed, he did it with a mare whose name he never even got just before he went on this trip. So...what's the problem?
To be fair, I can empathize with Silver's feelings, here. His bemoaning that he can't have a "normal" relationship is something that rings true instinctively, since it feels like quantity necessarily comes at the expense of quality (in terms of emotional commitment). However, once again Celestia was right to chastise him, as he chose this for himself. However, there's a more fundamental lesson to take to heart, here. While Silver's reluctance to avail himself of everything he's earned is understandable, it's ultimately based on an illusion. To put it another way, I think that he's afraid of success, because having something that seems too good to be true makes us instinctively feel that it therefore must be just that. When viewed logically, there's no reason that I can think of for Silver not to have sex with Shei...I doubt he could articulate why he's hesitating, but if he tried, I'd guess that it was something along the lines of "I don't want to make a mistake, again." That's all well and good, but erring on the side of caution is still erring. There are some cases where it is appropriate to simply take what you want - and the reflexive twinge that comes with saying that is what needs to be overcome.
It's also notable that Aila was mentioned only briefly, in terms of Silver thinking that he's "annoying" her. Silver, you come from twenty-first century Earth, where you were a pop-culture geek. Did you never come across the term "tsundere"? Aila is practically holding up a sign that says "I want to be seduced!" (Her sister's sign, by contrast, reads "Ready when you are!"). This is another case where Silver's deference to caution is not going to serve him well. While it might feel very awkward and alien to him, he's the dominant one with regards to the sisters, and they're sending all of the signals that they apparently can that they're aware of that and are fine with it, albeit in their own ways. The next move is up to him.
...to put all of that another way, Silver needs to "man up," at least with regards to the Windsong girls.
The chapter ended on a rather dramatic note, with Silver going to visit Amenti's dreams and being suddenly interrupted. I was glad that Celestia suggested that Silver conceal his identity - a very wise suggestion - but if he's going there incognito, why go there at all? If he's not going to be engaging in diplomacy, then what's the point of visiting her dreams, unless it's to spy on her?
It was a moot point, however, as she awakened in fear and Silver rushed to her side. His appearance was enough to scare off the trio of baastians, whose demeanor practically screamed "ill intent," so it seems likely that he was playing rescuer here. Still, I can't help but remember how Amenti grabbed his legs in the dark, with him having appeared over her. Given that a male's sleeping body tends to react when having a sex dream, I can't stop the amusing vision that what Amenti grabbed wasn't his leg...
Oh, and Silver? Wanting to remain anonymous after rescuing the pharaoh is cute and all, but she recognize that you're a pony, and you teleported in and out of her room, which is some fairly hefty magic. Pretty much the only thing you did is make it uncertain for her if it was you or Celestia, but she'll definitely be able to figure out it was one or the other of you.
Overall, this was a strong chapter, and definitely moved things along quite well! It advanced the intrigue, though only a bit, but balanced this out with more character drama, and quite a bit of sex to boot! The well-rounded nature of this chapter was its major strength; let's see how future chapters shape up.
EDIT: I swear, I'm not trying to beat your word-count with these reviews. It just keeps happening!
Well silver just promised Tia he'd bed her and just saved AmentI .great chapter in sense of plot but silver might just of made the situation a bit harder for them.
6072156 I choose to accept that it means I'm inspiring you, which is fantastic and makes me feel pretty good about my efforts. I'm also running a bit of a tightwire act, not wanting the story to become too much or too little clop and really not having a clue where the happy balance lies, so I muddle though it wildly.
The conversations while screwing amuse me to no end. Why not both?! Celestia understands Silver far better than Silver understands the girls. If she keeps pressing and insisting while speaking nicely to him, he will roll over and give her what she wants, despite the risk. If someone else outside the power struggle pointed it out to her, she might be quite ashamed, but nopony's around to do that, which does not bode well to Silver escaping without risk.
Silver's pension for act first, think maybe later during crisis mode showed itself as he bamfed into the pharaoh's room and she grabbed a leg(Was it the fifth one? We may never know!). She knows a pony came to rescue her that had powerful magic. His only hope is that she doesn't just blurt that fact out in the throne room.
He's trying!
cool story man.
6073370 I do my best. Any fave parts?
6073859 I like that he is help the cat girl but .... is he going to be with cadence and Fleur De Lis
was
Moondamnit Silver you just keep forking over your agency to her.
Whatever you do, Amenti, don't turn on the light and look up! (Remember what Silver was doing not that long ago?)
Headline from the next day:
Equestria Conquers Anugypt!
"Their swords are mighty indeed, and We fear having to... face that again!" the Pharaoh was quoted as saying.
7774029 The scandal!
Ok, this time I get that Silver woke himself in response to his assumption of Amenti being in danger. But in the inn...