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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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My respone to the Typos and their typos...
Found a big error in here:
When two people (or ponies) are talking don't have them in the same paragraph. See underscore.
Also you have like an enter space or many spaces at the last sentence. See bold.
6196728 Good thing we found those before going to Turkey.
Silver and his mare problems.did he really just get a concubine as a gift? And we await words from the birds. Why do I got a sinking suspension that more then one hen is going to try to get in bed (or should I say nest)with the lunar prince?
6196775 Silver does not want. Bird anatomy, why?!
6196780
Cloaca is nasty
That doesn't give a good impression "to" the King and Queen.
There's no punctuation at the end of this sentence.
6196902 Typos shown the mercy of the sultan.
6196853 i bet if you're open to idea of smexing a sapient pony youy can find something in other sapients as well. At least furries know how to make everything hot. Dem birbs, unf.
new
A Turkey femme named Silver Snood (?) putting the moves on a pony? Don't see it...spent too many summers working in a turkey processing plant. Unhh uuh. They made Philomena at her worst look purty good. >_<
Makes me wonder if they can try Song Magic on the turkeys. Would they be amused?
Keep going! ;)
Fiddah she sounds beautiful and it looks as if she will fit in to the little herd / well not really a herd more Silvers servants I just don't feel good calling them his concubine even if that is what they are I just never liked that word.
now on to turkey how will this go will Silver find the missing 1/2 to get that dam bangle off of his body.??
6196915 Reading this chapter over, I wanted to like it more than I did. Really, I wanted to enjoy what was here...but in the end, I came away feeling vaguely disappointed more than anything.
This chapter was dedicated near-entirely to the introduction of Fiddah, a concubine donated to Silver from Wajdi, which was a development that I'd pressed for previously. I did so because that seemed to be the perfect intersection between sex and politics; that is, it made something intensely sexual (e.g. a harem girl) be at the center of political concerns. It seemed like the perfect idea for where this story wanted to go.
This chapter, however, removed the politics from her introduction entirely (which is consistent for how this fic has only seemed to go into political concerns timidly). That weakened Fiddah's character considerably, because it essentially reduced her presentation as a character to just being a new sex-toy for Silver. While the issue of "she's a gift that can't be returned" was still present here, it was downplayed to the point of being almost a non-issue.
Indeed, every part of this chapter treated Fiddah's introduction in a manner that implied that the political aspects that she brought with her were something to be avoided, rather than reveled in. She did try and engage in her role as a skilled manager of a royal harem, only for Silver to block her at virtually every turn. That by itself was frustrating, but I get the suspicion that this fic isn't sure how it wants to handle that aspect of her character from the beginning; that is, that the story isn't sure how to answer the question "what does managing a harem - especially this harem - look like in a practical context?"
To a degree, this is understandable: Silver's harem currently consists of Fiddah plus two other mares, both of whom are in an intimate emotional relationship with Silver. That's likely to be the opposite of what she's used to, and so there's going to be some element of her needing to find her place. At the same time, this doesn't mean that she has no skills to bring to bear in this regard. That's because her job is essentially to be a manager regarding Silver's concubines.
In a practical sense, that means that she's the one who helps them with their day-to-day affairs, makes sure they're sexually pleasing for their master (Silver might object to this, but at the end of the day nobody doesn't want to be sexy for their mate; the problem comes when they do so in a disingenuous manner, e.g. they act sexy in a way that isn't natural to them), scouting for potential additions to the harem (such additions would be considered not just for their sexuality, but also for what other skills they have that Silver could make use of), liaise between the harem and other members of the royal hierarchy (this is important, since technically the harem belongs to Silver alone and not the other princesses, which could cause chain-of-command issues), keeps Silver informed about what the girls are up to and how they're feeling, etc. In essence, she should be somewhere between a big sister and a boss.
This is important, because whether Silver likes it or not, his concubines are growing in number. He had Shei and Aila, and lost Aila only to gain Bright Eyes. He lost Bright Eyes, but gained Bottom. Now he's gained Fiddah as well. It may be in a "two steps forward, one step back" manner, but the progression is clear. At the end of the day, he's going to go back to Equestria with a stable of girls around him, all kept in legal servitude to him for explicitly-sexual purposes. What can't be forgotten is that this is still a political position that they're all holding, and needs to be managed as such; going at it with the idea that love will fix everything is extremely naive. Fiddah has essentially gotten in on the ground floor of a new enterprise, and there's a lot to be done to build up the infrastructure here.
I'm just hoping that the fic realizes that - and that we get to see some mild political wrangling between Silver (and maybe Celestia, for added amusement) and Wajdi and Jawa as they subtly spar (with pleasant words, of course) over how he'd like to return her, but they won't let him - in the next chapter or so. Politics is the art of exercising power over others (ideally without violence). Silver needs to step up his game in doing that in ways besides falling in love with them.
6200356 Was that really all that happened in this chapter? I thought the interaction between Silver and Bottom were pretty vital to their ongoing relationship.
6200423 I politely disagree...well, somewhat.
The scene of Silver telling Bottom to turn around and raise her tail for him was brief, but felt like it was meant to be the culmination of the pathos they've had (mostly on Silver's part) about Bottom becoming a mare for him. Saying that he wanted to mount her, in other words, was his way of saying that he accepts her as a "her" now.
That's sweet, and it's certainly what I'd expect of him after her outburst in the previous chapter, but unto itself it's a very quiet resolution to that particular plot-thread. There was no exposition as to the impact of that decision, either for Bottom's state of mind or Silver's. With no context presented, the story doesn't seem to be presenting this as any sort of important moment at all. (I suspect that there's some element of "the readers should fill in the details as to how that likely feels for the two of them," but I find that to be an excuse, rather than a reason.)
If this was supposed to be the moment when Silver and Bottom reached a place of understanding, then the story should have shown us that. It didn't, and so it feels all too easy to overlook that entire aspect to this chapter.
6200686 They said some words? You appear to have gotten really distracted by the new mare.
6200786 I'm not sure what you're implying I'm missing. Silver apologized to Bottom and strongly implied that he's accepted her decision, and then they had sex (apparently quite a lot). What did I overlook?
Nice to see him finally showing a modicum of restraint.
6462311 He can learn. Bit by bit.
6462357
oh you.
Edit: (Huh, I didn't expect it to allow an empty comment.)
Silver seems to have similar luck to Navaroneā¦no cats though.
Huh. Another Silver. Who's not silver at all. Names are funny things, eh?
And now I had to look mine up. "Steward of the Estate, Ardor/Giant/Rhineland inhabitant/Undergrowth/Cobbler" Depending on where my last name originated and why, apparently.
I doubt she used a typewriter to type it. So, it can't really have any of these accused 'typos' as you call them. Well, at least she wrote it and not Silver. His penmouthship is squiggly at best, so turkeys might have confused it for fancy worms and peck 'em out of the scroll.
9396618
Truly the worst ending.