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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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o I must say this chapter is sad and happy at the same time. yes there parents are gone but auntie Patty Windsong is there to help.
and now we have a new traveler and a new seamstress for some ware in Equestria.
Silver has a huge hard problem and with the huge magic blast he used I have a feeling it is not going to be going away for a long time.
this chapter just shouts slice of life and I love it.
Harts Fire
6175037 Don't you know you can't have adventure and slice of life in a story?
6175049
It's Slice of Undeath, which is obviously adventure. :P
Should be "Prince"
I am Prine Silver Stars -- Prince
Equestria has less flying carpets -- fewer
6175049
yep just something about that chapter, it was touching I think the locket that Patty Windsong gave Shei Windsong made the hole chapter for me. a little something from her loving mother.
6175127
6175167 Typos buried with Shei's father, may they both rest in piece.
That should just be "sultan." A "sultanate" is the domain ruled by a sultan, the same way a county is the domain ruled by a count, etc.
End that sentence with a question mark, rather than a period.
Eliminate that first period altogether.
I suspect that "Hades" should be capitalized.
His "heart crystal" shone bright purple.
6175809 Typos deported to Yakyakistan.
Huh...So the prince of darkness can manipulate souls? Oooooo
Not someone you would want to mess with.
His soul got dragged to hell.
6176162 Nothing so grand. It was literally drawn into the ground, entombed. Silver has no idea what forces are at play with the afterlife in Equestria.
6176178 Awww...not as dark as I hope a prince of the night, of darkness to be.
6175813 Now this was a twist! Seriously, this was the best sort of curveball; one that gives no advance warning but makes complete sense when it happens. Moreover, this succinctly wrapped up the issue of informing Aila's parents about what happened to her, giving the entire thing a great deal of closure (though full closure won't happen until Aila herself is laid to rest back in Equestria...something which I think will be one of the very last scenes in this fic). Finally, we have the introduction of a new character, one that seems like the perfect opposite to Oman, for which I'm thankful.
Looking back over this, I'm again struck by just how perfect this particular twist was presented. We had always taken it as a given that Shei and Aila's parents were still around, and so we were expecting Shei's fears about confronting them to come true...but there was never any reason why that had to be the case. What happened then was that the group's - and, by extension, the readers' - expectations were pulled out from under them, simply because the underlying presumptions were disproven. That's how you surprise your readers.
The other bright spot in this chapter was the introduction of Patty Windsong (though I find the name "Patty" to be rather prosaic, having neither the exotic-sounding flair of a Saddle Arabian name the way Shei and Aila did, nor the title-like name of a native Equestrian). Simply put, Patty is a maternal figure that I think the group desperately needs. While Silver has a warm relationship with Celestia, Shei, and even Bottom now, there's a difference between being friendly, or even loving, and being truly nurturing. Other than Silver trying to build up Bottom, there's been a distinct lack of that in Silver's life for a while now, and I can see Patty rapidly becoming a surrogate mother for much of the group.
It may sound strange that I keep mentioning Silver so much in that regard, since Patty is Shei's aunt, and they quite clearly have a good relationship. However, Silver is the one that Shei loves and is in service to, so it's not like Patty will be all that distant from him (even if he didn't have the tendency to make himself the center of whatever group he's in anyway). Moreover, I really think that Silver needs a warm and loving mother-figure in his life, especially since he doesn't seem to have had much of one even back when he was human. I can very much see Patty filling a void that Silver doesn't even realize is in his life. That's especially true since she seems to be lonely, as Shei noted, so it makes sense that she'd de facto "adopt" the younger ponies around her.
As for the ghost of Shei's father appearing...that was unexpected, and his presentation was so abruptly inserted (and with such little impact, since he showed up just to utter some cruel words) that it felt a bit awkward. I'm bringing my own preconceptions to the table here, but ghosts tend to be more active, at least within given parameters (usually haunting their old residence), rather than remaining quiescent until something like the prayer of a family member happens to "activate" them. Moreover, they're typically more malevolent than just a mildly-upsetting tirade. I'm not quite sure how it could have been done, but this would have worked better if there'd been some exposition (perhaps from Patty?) about how nobody had wanted to live there after the Windsongs passed away, letting that be a hint that the house was haunted (hence why it was abandoned).
As it is, the presence of the ghost unto itself did fit with the theme of the chapter, which was Shei's painful reconciliation with her past. It would have been more powerful if Shei had been the one to stand up to her abusive father - who was clearly an awful person if he hung around after death, not just out of spite, but petty spite at that - and banish him by denying that he could hurt her anymore. As it was, I felt that Silver's use of earth pony magic to "entomb" the ghost was a bit of a stretch insofar as what could be intuitively accomplished via that kind of magic; that is, what it could do without a specific spell. I get that there's a narrative connection there with regards to the earth itself (e.g. the dead are buried; "return to the earth," etc.), but given that the magic of earth ponies is typically connected to bodily endurance and agriculture, this was a tenuous connection...I also agree with a previous poster that this is likely to leave Silver very needy, to the point of leaping on the first willing pony he can find once they get back to the ship.
Still, this leg of the journey, painful though it was, is behind them at last. Now there's little to be done besides meeting the royal family.
6176320 There's still time for exposition after the fact, though you bring up some good questions that I'll try to bear in mind if my scatter-brain allows me the luxury.
Also I figured 'patty' is short for something.But what? She'll let us know when she feels like it. While it would have been stronger for Shei to confront him, she was not ready for it. She was barely ready to hide behind Silver and Celestia and hope they managed it.
Great chapter to the Saddle Arabia arc.plus one two the party and Silver stomped a stupid soul. May the sands of Tartarus give that jerks hell.
And It sounds like gma smith will get a new friend to add the social circle of Ponyville.
Why do I get a feeling that trouble is brewing in the shadows that follow silver and his motley band.
Well that's one way to beat a dead horse...
I'll let myself out now.
Keep going! ;)
An excerpt ripped off and modified in the name of fair use on dear ole dad, heee hee hee hee...:
They put you in a big black box
And cover you up with dirt and rocks.
All goes well for about a week,
Until your coffin begins to leak.
The typos crawl in, the typos crawl out,
The typos play pinochle on your scalp,
They eat your eyes, they eat your nose,
They eat the jelly between your toes.
A big green typo with rolling eyes
Crawls in your stomach and out your sides.
Your stomach turns a slimy green,
And pus pours out like whipping cream.
6177185 Granny Smith could always use a few new friends!
6177253 Death only grows more horrific.
6176397 Hmm. Former human perhaps? Patricia? Though it would have been rather pun-ny if her name had been Patty Cake instead.
fears of their rejection
That was so racist!!