Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCL · 11:06pm February 8th
Good news: The first draft of the new Guppy Love is complete! Now I’ve started the tedious work of going through it all over again. It took me a couple years (maybe three?) to finish the draft and I’m sure there are issues as a result. Things I thought of halfway through that need to be foreshadowed earlier, ideas I abandoned that need their foreshadowing removed, things of that nature.
One such example: In the FIMFic version, Applejack had her entire Apple family, which made sense because, y’know, FIMFic version. In the “original” version, Anna (as AJ is now named) only has a younger sister, a decision I made because the elder brother doesn’t really figure into the story at all and thus isn’t necessary. But he’s still referenced in the early chapters, so I’ve got to find those references and remove him.
I’m also trying to be more concrete about things in this run-through. For example, in the first draft I just made up a location for the island the story is set on. Now that the story is finished, I can go in and give the island a specific location; the island will still be fictional, but I’m planting the necessary information such that an interested reader could point to its general location on a real-world map. The reason I didn’t do this from the start was because I didn’t want to have to go back to a notes file or previous chapter to recall certain specifics hidden in a single line somewhere every time it came up. My only disappointment in this regard is that I don’t have the money to afford a road trip to the general area, which I would love to do just to get the ‘scene’ right.
In the meantime, I’ve decided to work something else on the side. My original plan was to resume work on Absentia, but absence has led me to analyze the story and question if it is all it needs to be. I sat down and made an outline of the entire story and… I dunno, I feel like it’s not that great. I might want to rethink my entire approach to it. With this in mind, I’ve set it aside (again) and will work on something much shorter. I’ve already picked the story in question from a long list of potentials, one that will involve two characters I’ve never written for, at least not as MCs. Hopefully I can have that done before month’s end, because I don’t expect it to be that long.
That’s enough of my rambling. Let’s get to the reviews!
Stories for This Week:
Page One. by Miro MM
A Swap They'll Never Forget by ItsVelvet
The End of the Beginning by Kris Overstreet
Ghosting by KorenCZ11
Nothing Beside Remains by kissfromarose2
The Twilight Effect by evelili
In Amber Clad by Lucky Seven
Seashell by Winston
Six To Eight Weeks Dungeon by ocalhoun
The End of a Quest by wYvern
Total Word Count: 194,667
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 3
Worth It: 4
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
Timber Spruce tries to ignore the book.
This was a great idea. It has lots of potential to be creepy as hell, and to some readers it might still be so. The problem is that Miro MM has no idea how sentences work. I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt at first, because playing a bit with sentence structure and formatting could go a long way to enhance a concept such as this. Indeed, I’d say getting that right would be key to pulling it off.
But no. The issues are such that I just can’t believe they’re on purpose, and several of them only serve to pull the reader out of the scene. It’s clear that Miro MM tried for something deep without a general literary discipline, to say nothing of the requisite writing skills for the task. Thus are we faced with typos, nonsensical capitalization, run-on sentences, and more.
But again, I really like the idea. It’s seeped in The Weird, which is among my favorite genres, and has this sort of artsy conceptualization that can work really well. I’ll grant it’s a niche thing, so its reach would likely be limited even if it were written flawlessly, but Miro MM still gets my full approval for the underlying story. If they can just get a handle on this whole ‘grammar’ thing then they might produce some proper gems in the future.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
A Swap They'll Never Forget
5,174 Words
ItsVelvet failed to provide cover art.
Pre-Cutie Marked Apple Bloom and Granny Smith swap bodies for a day. Why? How? Shut up.
This one comes in three parts. First, a typical and extremely simplified description of a day in the life of Apple Bloom, which is mostly in search of a cutie mark with her friends. Then we get a day where Apple Bloom is inexplicably body-swapped with Granny Smith, and she gets to experience what that’s like. The third is them back in their normal bodies and Apple Bloom dealing with the consequences.
It was… strange. There’s no reason ever given for the whole body swap thing, it simply happens and we’re apparently expected to run with it. We never get to see anything from Granny’s perspective, and Apple Bloom barely even tries to figure out what is going on. She just… sort of… runs with it? The middle part does provide some good commentary about how Apple Bloom is learning to appreciate her grandmother’s life and problems, and a decent conclusion of her demonstrating what she’s learned from the experience.
I just can’t get over the feeling that this story felt awkward. Like, it’s a good (if common) concept and ItsVelvet has some good ideas, but I felt as though the overarching story could have been… constructed better. I think a lot of this has to do with how direct Apple Bloom is in all things. It’s suggested that she thinks about what is going on and it is affecting her, but we’re never made privy to such things. The events just happen and we’re expected to take them at face value. I’ve seen stories where that can work wonderfully, but this one just couldn’t get there for me.
Still, it’s not a bad story by any means. If you’re interested in something akin to Apple Bloom and Granny Smith friendshipping without hardly any actual interaction between them, you might like this.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The End of the Beginning
1,000 Words
By Kris Overstreet
Sequel to Changeling Space Program
Princess Twilight Sparkle is now officially the sole ruler of Equestria. Before she can get tied to her new responsibilities however, she decides to take a little trip with all her friends, just to remind them of what’s important.
Set five years after the events of Changeling Space Program, this little story has Twilight bring all the Mane 6 (plus one) to the moon, as one last little interstellar adventure before life takes them on their individual journeys. There’s not much going on here. Just the leading mares plus Celestia having a little Friendship Talk on the surface of the moon. A little witty, a little sweet, and over after it’s barely begun.
My only question is why Starlight claims she was stuck on the moon for a year and a half. That really came out of nowhere.
Just a little side trip while I await an opportunity to read The Maretian. Interesting to anyone familiar with the AU, but I’m not sure it’ll do much for those who lack the appropriate context.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Chrysalis Saves Hearth's Warming — WHYRTY?
Changeling Space Program — WHYRTY?
Rarity Dreams of Non-Electric Sheep — Pretty Good
I Don't Want to Be a Tree Anymore — Worth It
Twelve years ago, Rainbow Dash made the greatest mistake in a long litany of major mistakes. Her husband, Soarin, has watched her inner turmoil ever since. It seemed like they had a handle on things, but now their youngest son Haze is starting to break under the pressure. To protect his family, Soarin will have to put his own problems to an end and face the greatest danger any husband has to face: an uncooperative wife.
Grounded was a story telling about how Rainbow, in her desperation to maintain her high-flying, high-speed lifestyle, resists moving back to terra firma despite just having an earth pony son. It culminates in a near-disaster, lives lost, and dreams crushed. In Ghosting, we face the aftermath of those events. Rainbow, still traumatized, has become an overprotective parent for her youngest son Haze, terrified that something disastrous will happen to him if he’s out of her sight for more than a few minutes. Haze, now twelve, is finally fed up with it.
The story follows Soarin, who has his own mommy issues to deal with. He’s terrified that his own experience will be repeated. Together with his elder son Prism, he decides to seek out his own estranged mother in hopes that doing so will help him discover a means of rectifying the growing rift in his family.
Where this story shines is in its multifaceted nature. One part is dealing with Soarin’s own issues with his mother, who abandoned him when he was still a child. It centers on her own personal struggles that can best be defined as “a road to hell paved by good intentions”. Another part, which underpins everything, is Rainbow Dash’s trauma and what it takes to make her face it (no small feat considering running away from her problems is one of Rainbow’s signature character traits). The story is heavily character-focused – as all the best stories are – with great attention paid to who Rainbow Dash is as an individual.
There are a handful of issues. The first is the sheer number of characters. Koren apparently decided this would be a good time to introduce the extended families of most of the characters from the show, so we’ve got Fluttershy and Discord’s many draconequus children, Pinkie’s kids, the many new members of the Apple Family, it just keeps piling on. And then the names will get thrown around with the full expectation that you’ll remember them, which you won’t unless you were actively taking notes (or have an eidetic memory, I guess). I understand that Koren may have been going for an “all hooves on deck” approach with the problem as a showcase of how much the ongoing crisis matters to so many ponies, but this felt like the wrong approach.
Koren, you’re making the DCU mistake. If you want us to know, remember, and care about who all these distinct characters are, you can’t shove them all into a single story like this. You introduce them a few at a time over the course of many stories so that they each have their time to endear themselves to the audience, then you make that big crossover event.
Then there’s the other problem, which I suppose will come down to personal taste. There’s a story to be told. Soarin refuses to tell Haze what the story is, because he thinks Rainbow Dash should be the one to do that. So for the entire story, we’re building up to it. The moment, the scene, the big reveal that we’re all desperately waiting for with bated breath, because you know when they finally get Dash to open up it will be a spectacular moment of melodrama! And when we finally get there, just on the edge of our seats—
The end.
And the world was consumed in the hellfire produced by thousands of voices shrieking out in disappointment and rage and ferocious gnashing of teeth.
You know, I get it? The entire story is built around this, but the Big Story is one we already know, because we read it in the previous one. The story itself isn’t the point, the point is finally breaking through to Dash that it needs to be told. It’s one of those “it’s the journey, not the destination” things people spout out when trying to defend disappointing endings, and it does have merit. But whether it was the right move here is unclear. I’m leaning towards “not” at the moment.
Despite those two issues, this was still an excellent story overall. Great character comprehension and growth, relationship development, and pathos. I loved the interplay of the different characters and their quirks, such as Haze’s ability to spout quotes from famous plays on a dime, Prism’s utter inability to follow along, or the golden moment when Soarin uses Haze’s own methods against him to make a point. There’s the late scene where Rainbow Dash and her sons are arguing about the assorted worths of multiple Gundam Roboknight anime series. Or the copious hints regarding Soarin’s mother and her real intentions well before said intentions are laid out in the open. Koren excels at giving us these short but delightful character moments.
I feel like Koren is evolving their storytelling in recent years, trying out new ideas taken from fresh inspirations. Inevitably, that comes with some kinks. But I feel like this is a step in a positive direction, and this one is definitely worth the read. It’s important to note that this is set in Koren’s Bright Future AU of rapid technological development for Equestria coupled with copious familial melodramas. In relation to that, my note on introducing too many characters at once may be moot, as there are at least three stories in said AU I’ve not touched yet, and the only one I have read had nothing to do with any of the characters shown here. It’s entirely possible that many of these characters have been introduced and explored in those other stories and I just didn’t know it.
Great story on the whole. Compelling, engrossing, and hard to look away from at times. It’s certainly one of the most interesting Soarin-centric stories I’ve yet to read.
I do have to wonder why Soarin – you know, this guy:
— is depicted in that sickly green/yellow color. What’s up with that, Koren?
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Star Overhead — WHYRTY?
Like Mother, Like Daughter — WHYRTY?
The Story of a Forgotten Prince — Pretty Good
Sometimes They Call Me Super — Pretty Good
Honesty is a Virtue — Needs Work
Nothing Beside Remains
3,021 Words
By kissfromarose2
Requested by GBThundaII
Not-You traverses an ancient, withered, frozen world, following the path of she who came before.
Told in Second Person, this story follows Celestia as “you” as she explores the world of Equestria after the rule of Nightmare Moon. kissfromarose2 never explicitly says “you” are Celestia, and are sure to keep the name out of the tags, but it’s pretty obvious from the start who the perspective character is. The story provides some hints that lead me to believe it is set 1,000 years after Nightmare took over, which suggests that Celestia’s back from a millennium trapped on the moon.
The actual result of Nightmare Moon’s rule is obvious. I mean, she forced the world into eternal night. There’s only one direction things could go. The meat of this story is not the what, but rather the emotions of the impact. Celestia is exploring a dead world, and kissfromarose2 is trying to instill in us Celestia’s turmoil.
The story is vivid with its descriptions. Indeed, that’s all it is: scenery porn. A continuous, heavy layer of detailed scene descriptions. Adding to it is the deception of Celestia’s memories as she has flashbacks of what these sights used to look like and reminders of the sisterly bond long lost. It can be confusing at times, which in turn does a great job showing Celestia’s inner turmoil.
There is one other special element: the mystery. Celestia is tracking the path of Nightmare Moon. There are clear signs that she’s been in the areas Celestia is visiting, and recently. It leads us to wonder if Nightmare is aware that she’s returned and is intentionally showing Celestia things while also trying to avoid a direct confrontation. Then you get that ending, and… well. Another mystery. This one is left for the reader to interpret.
While this one didn’t have the impact on me that the author was probably going for, I can’t deny that it’s a well-made piece. It strives to tell the story of a kingdom’s downfall using nothing more than scenery clues and does that quite well. I’ll even acknowledge that my least favorite form of narrative – second person – was effectively utilized as a means of getting into Celestia’s head despite her nearly complete lack of emotional output and dialogue.
If you’re looking for an example of vivid description as a tool for telling a story, look no further.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
And now I’m gonna leave this here, because for reasons I can’t explain this story reminds me strongly of this song, which was playing in my head the entire time I read it:
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The Twilight Effect
112,295 Words
By evelili
Requested by evelili
Magic isn’t real. It belongs purely in the realm of fairy tales and children’s stories. This is a fact that has been drilled into Twilight Sparkle by her dear Aunt Celestia all her life. So when Canterlot High’s new girl shows her something that can only be described as magical, she has a lot of questions. She’ll have to figure things out quickly though, because a one-hundred moon prophecy involving her, Aunt Celestia, and an unknown someone is about to bring magic to the forefront of her entire existence.
Confession time: I wanted to read this from the moment it came out. That is at least half due to the cover art, and that is at least 3/4’s due to the interaction between Sci-Twi and Sunset. Good cover art, folks; shallow though it may be, it can be a game changer.
Anyway, this is one of those “The Elements of Harmony with a twist” stories. The most obvious twist here is that it’s set in the Equestria Girls universe (well, EqG adjacent; you’ll note the skin tones). Yet that’s not the only twist. This isn’t just The Elements of Harmony with humans. Everything is changed; character backgrounds, motivations, goals, heck, even the Elements themselves are different.
The end result easily ranks among the best renditions of this concept I’ve yet to see, right up there with Friendship Is Magic - Extended Cut. We’ve got a Twilight Sparkle with severe social anxiety and a traumatic past, and the characters all have genuine history prior to the events of the story, a history that puts many of them at odds with one another. The ‘trials’ each Element Bearer has to face is firmly grounded in these issues, making every challenge more pivotal (and personal) to their development as friends than they ever were in the show.
The characters are all reimagined in ways that make them feel new without sacrificing their cores. The issues are complex, yet relatable and realistic even amidst all the magic involved. I could find no blatant issues with the writing, every scene gifted with vivid descriptions and every emotion competently put on display. Last but most certainly not least, the romantic tension between Sci-Twi and Sunset was…
Yet there are one or two little issues. For starters, when the final confrontation with the Nightmare happens… Well. We all know how it ends in general. But in this case, I watched it happen and I was just confused. I mean, how? What just happened? Why did it happen? It is utterly inexplicable. Heck, there are things that we don’t even know happened until, say, fifteen thousand words after the fact. The problem is alleviated a little bit by how Twilight herself doesn’t seem certain of how she did it (even giving a little speech just prior about how she has no clue what she’s doing and “that’s okay”). But for those who really want to know? They might be disappointed.
Then there’s the epilogue. Don’t get me wrong, every single thing that happened within it was good. But the epilogue by itself was longer than any other three chapters of the story combined. No joke, by the numbers it takes up 30% of the entire story by itself. It felt less like an epilogue and more like a “Part Three”. I can’t help but feel it should have been divided up into chapters of its own.
But those are minor issues, especially against the overwhelming amount of “yes” I have for this story. I even approve of the images sprinkled throughout, because they are all custom works by the author that fit the given moments wonderfully.
If you like first episode remakes, SciSet shipping, adventure stories, world overhauls, drama, and solid characterizations, all with minimal writing issues? Definitely give this one a go.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Something About Midnights — WHYRTY?
To Thaw a Frozen Heart — Pretty Good
In Amber Clad
1,125 Words
By Lucky Seven
It’s been two months since the divorce, and Roseluck is still hiding in her home and staring at the bottom of a bottle. Discord decides that if nopony else is going to intervene, he might as well.
This was apparently written to serve as a bit of self-reflection in regards to Lucky Seven’s own divorce. Not sure what made them decide that Discord was the right character for this role, but hey, it works. Kind of. I suppose if a little pep talk doesn’t work Discord could always just teleport her to the nearest park and force Roseluck to interact with the world again. How fortunate (if perhaps unrealistic) that Roseluck decides to make a go at it herself after only a two-minute conversation.
This moves way too quickly for me to buy what it is selling, but I suppose it’ll work just fine for most people, especially those who can relate to Roseluck’s situation. Or if they just want to see Discord being a genuine help to others for no other reason than he can be, which is pretty impressive progress for the draconequus.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Freak Like Me — Worth It
Chaos Theory — Needs Work
Guard pegasus Sunburst is a loner by nature, so much so that she’s nothing but ecstatic about being assigned to the loneliest, most isolated post available amongst the guard. But Sunburst is also observant. So when she spends a year after as a royal guard at Princess Twilight’s castle, she can’t help but notice… something going on between the princess and her captain of the guard, Rainbow Dash.
I first reviewed this way back in August 2016. It’s not as long as I remember, but that’s about the only thing that isn’t the same. And really, the fact that it’s shorter than recollection only speaks in its favor.
Set some two decades after the events of the show, the story centers around Sunburst. It opens on a six-month stationing at the Seawall, an ancient fortification on Equestria’s west coast that is as isolated, lonely, and uneventful as imaginable. For most guards, this is either a punishment for some past wrong or an opportunity to prove oneself; either way, it isn’t desirable. But Sunburst is the kind of solitary individual who thrives in such an environment.
Using this as the launch point, we are then taken on a subdued journey in which Sunburst, now stationed as a guard in Twilight’s palace, gradually observes her surroundings. And part of that is her captain, Rainbow Dash, and her princess. Who are in love, but who also adamantly refuse to act on those feelings, because of station, public expectations, and personal fears.
The story is slow, and yet somehow never feels slow. It’s little more than Sunburst writing in her journal what it is she sees and her thoughts on it. There’s no action, no big dramatic reveals, no shocking twists. And yet, somehow, Winston manages to create a story that is evocative and filled with more pathos than one might anticipate. Be it observing Rainbow and Twilight having a working lunch together, or answering Twilight’s tiny and prodigious student’s embarrassing questions, or listening to a horrible story of wartime atrocities, the story never stops being interesting. Not only does everything feel vivid, but you get the impression that there’s a bigger, complex, lived-in world out there.
Which is kinda true. It’s never stated anywhere, but this is part of a larger AU, one focused heavily on post-war Equestria. But there’s no need to be aware of that, because this story easily stands on its own two legs (or four, as the case may be).
I originally decided to re-read this because I’d not read anything by Winston in a long time – somehow he got excluded on my (now extensive) list of authors to read again. Not only that, but Winston recently announced a plan to re-examine Seashell and update it in preparation for a physical release, and I wanted to re-read it to refresh my memory and see if I wanted a copy.
I do. I very much do.
Although I hope Winston includes more than just Seashell in said book. 22,000 words does not a big book make, and I’m sure anyone who loves Seashell would like to see more material by this author. Perhaps they could release Seashell and Ghost Lights as a single book?
This was a delightful little frolic to the past, and a strong reminder that despite its age Seashell very much deserves to be seen as a classic of the fandom. I see no reason whatsoever to change my rating. If you’re one of the relatively newer members of the fandom who missed this, definitely give it a go.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Ghost Lights — WHYRTY?
Strategic — Pretty Good
Born in Equestria — Worth It
First — Worth It
Scent of Roses — Needs Work
Six To Eight Weeks Dungeon
1,788 Words
By ocalhoun
Fluttershy has become the target of the single greatest evil known to any world and all time: bureaucracy. Twilight decides to intervene.
Written with a focus on witty humor more than anything, the story follows Princess Twilight as she is woken indecently early to deal with an obsessively by-the-book bureaucrat with Maud-esque mannerisms trying to evict Fluttershy for violating local Ponyville law in regards to how many pets she has. While bureaucracy is impervious to logic, common sense, and decency, it may not be impervious to one fed-up princess prepared to abuse her royal prerogative.
A silly short and nothing more. If Twilight abusing her powerful position to keep her friends above the law interests you, have at it. (To be fair, the bureaucrat’s total inability to acknowledge even the concept of ‘special circumstances’ is pretty damning.)
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A Mother's Love Never Dies — Pretty Good
A Rose for Luna — Pretty Good
One In A Million — Pretty Good
Fuck! — Worth It
The Unfortunate Stabbing of Nurse Redheart — Worth It
The End of a Quest
5,318 Words
By wYvern
Old Thunder has literally been a ship’s stallion all his life, to such a degree that he doesn’t know where he was born. But now he’s living up to his name: old. He’s ready to settle down, but how does a pony who has never had any home but the sea know home when he’s found it? Luckily for him, he’s about to cross paths with a certain party pony who, despite her youth, has a good idea of what makes a home.
This is set prior to the events of the show, during that period after Pinkie Pie left the rock farm but before she arrived in Ponyville to start work at Sugarcube Corner. I guess trains weren’t a thing back then? Or perhaps she thought walking would be more fun.
The story is told from the perspective of Old Thunder, who has just arrived in some nameless port town after a two-year voyage. He’s trying to appear happy alongside his shipmates as they celebrate at the local tavern, but his desire to settle down is holding him back. Then a Wild Pinkie Pie appears, fresh off the road and lured in by the cheer of a good party.
Short and sweet, this stays just long enough not to wear out its welcome. It’s little more than Pinkie Pie helping an old stallion solve his problems simply by being herself. Filled with seamen’s culture, good atmosphere and Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie, I’ve nothing to complain about. If a little slice-of-life story is what you’re looking for, this will probably do it for you.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Another Day — Pretty Good
Of Flies and Spiders — Pretty Good
Antipode of Light — Worth It
Bonus Review: The Bad Beginning (A Series of Unfortunate Events #1)
162 Pages
By Daniel Handler (AKA Lemony Snicket)
Violet, Klaus, and Sunny were very happy children once. But then a terrible fire took away their parents. I assure you, it was most distressing (a word that, in this case, means “upsetting”). But not nearly as distressing (a word that, in this case, means “horrid beyond all reasonable doubt”) as when the Baudelaire children found themselves in the custody of one Count Olaf. Count Olaf is unpleasant, uncaring, and undignified, and he’ll do anything to get his long, greedy fingers on the Baudelaire childrens’ significant inheritance.
I admit, I had little intention of reading this story on my own. I’d seen the movie (but not the Netflix series), and while I genuinely enjoyed Jim Carry being Jim Carry I found the overarching tale to be sort of ‘meh’. But then over the holidays my mother surprised me by presenting the book to me. Apparently we’d had it in our collection, forgotten and collecting dust, for quite some time. Mom thought it was mine. I thought it was my sister’s. My sister thought it was mine, and so was I outvoted in terms of ownership.
Well, if it’s going into my library anyway, I see no reason not to partake.
The book tells a rather simple story of the three wealthy Baudelaire children who, after their parents tragic background deaths, are placed under the care of their closest (geographically speaking) living relative, Count Olaf, who schemes to find a perfectly legal way to claim the Baudelaire children’s sizeable family fortune for his own. The story’s charm comes in its narration and its characters. In the former case, there’s a ceaseless whimsy with tongue-in-cheek conversations directly at the reader, along with a regular penchant for defining words, sometimes using the textbook definitions but often using strictly contextual ones. In the latter case, we’ve got Violet the clever inventor, Klaus the bookish, and Sunny who likes biting things. Let us not forget the Count himself, a failed actor who is mercurial and shifts from grim to friendly as the situation demands.
Despite these charming elements, the story still failed to really stick for me. I appreciate the narrative style greatly but, at its core, the story is about three children trying to escape a greedy man. I mean, that’s it. It’s not what one might call “complex”. Which, you know, it is aimed at children, so I can’t really hold that against it.
Like the movie, this really didn’t too much for me. I don’t think that has anything to do with the story and the author, I think it’s simply me. Even so, far be it for me to discount the story on the whole; it clearly has a significant following and I don’t blame a single one of those people for enjoying its whimsical tone imposed over a bleak world. Sometimes, stories just don’t ‘click’ for some people, and that’s fine.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Stories for Next Time:
Watch in Awe by flying_whimsy
Atomic Number by WritingSpirit
Ladybugs Awake by Uz Naimat
The Witless by Reviewfilly
Hinterlands by Rambling Writer
Angel Bunny Plots Murder by TGM
Recursive Affection Disorder by HapHazred
Vice Principal Luna and the Curious Case of Female-Presenting Nipples by Fuzzyfurvert
Sunset Shimmer's Guide to Pissing Off Your In-Laws by Dubs Rewatcher
Loved, but Not Remembered by Ponky
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wowza, tysm for reading, and for such a thoughtful review! im so glad you enjoyed the read, and also very apologetic for the 30k "epilogue" haha
i could pretend i had a reason for not breaking it up such as "well where would i split it" or "it's technically split into scenes" but... nah, the real reason is that i only prepared one chapter art for it :P it wasn't supposed to turn out so long, idk what happened! hopefully the fact it let me squeeze in more sciset content can be considered as some sort of apology 
also, super excited to hear uve finished the first draft of guppy love! while i havent read many "serials-filed" fanfic-to-fiction stories, i think the most interesting part to me is seeing what authors change about the characters, the setting, relationships, etc. often there will b decisions that just make for a better and more polished story (eg removing the "big mac" character), and im really interested in seeing where u take things.
And only one of those is a legitimate reason for Twilight and Rainbow to not do anything. Everything else is drama for drama's sake and blatant ignoring of the show.
Huh...funny coincidence that I was just randomly thinking about Series of Unfortunate Events last evening.
The cover art alone on Twilight Effect is selling it to me. Time to add it to the list.
100% agree. The Twilight Effect is absolutely top notch stuff.
Yet another acclaim for The Twilight Effect. What feels like everyone in Aragon's server has raved about it, and I don't doubt it deserves that. But that EqG barrier, man… and now I learn it's also yet another reimagining of the series' opener?
Not a small uphill battle. And while I am open to eventually getting such a fic on my list, first place in that small genre will go to the Extended Cut take on the genre, naturally.
Still, even if it may be a long while, if ever, before I read it myself, I have the utmost respect for any fic that properly reimagines and re-contextualises the characters, their motivations and the world that much to make the story click. Too many people whose opinion I respect have acclaimed this fic for me to not trust that it is that good.
And I will also throw my praise for your continued progress on Guppy Love. It certainly sounds like you're learning a lot as you change it, and that's always a worthwhile experience. On top of the end result itself, of course.
For my generation, A Series of Unfortunate Events was read nearly as much as kids as Harry Potter was. We were obviously less inclined to notice the stock scheming plots of the first few, but we adored them for how bleak and not-talking-down-to-kids they were (most of the best children's fiction is often dark, scary, and not nice – look at Roald Dahl, who famously hated children).
As an adult, the first few books can seem formulaic before the plots really start shaking up, but they still go down fine, and while I don't doubt your muted reception to this first one (the first half of the thirteen books are more novellas then novels, being honest) will preclude you from reading further – and I understand that if that is indeed true – it really wins people over further the more of it they read.
Ye, Twilight Effect is real good. I can see why the epilogue was what it was - with the actual finale past, it would have seemed odd to divide it into many chapters. The feel is different from the rest of the story, as epilogues often are, with this one assuming the substantial task of showing Twilight build (and rebuild) connections with ten other characters. For me, though, it was a delight: after the trauma and tragedy inflicted on the characters, seeing them moving on and having fun in little slice-of-life events was a supreme treat.
I also like how TE dodged the 'yell at Celestia' trope we see too often from these fics, as Celestia's intentions, methods and motivations make noble sense.
Some parts of it did lose me: I never fully grasped what happened in Rarity's trial, that Twilight once attempted suicide went right over my head, and I had a similar experience to Paul in the ending fight. But the passion and worldbuilding was so strong, the nonlinear storytelling was very clever, and the ending landed things perfectly.
Thank you very much for the review, and your thoughts on the story! This was definitely far from my best work, but honestly just being able to get my thoughts on my divorce at the time out there was so cathartic it's hard to describe. I've been meaning to come back to this site and write more, and honestly seeing this review has given me the onus to do so, and prove I can be better. Hopefully one day you'll review The Place I Feel Safest, but until that day I look forward to reading more of your reviews!
- Andrew
I never read the Unfortunate Events books, but I did watch the movie and the Netflix series. My reaction to the movie was pretty close to yours; meh. The series was a different matter; I enjoyed it a lot, particularly as it really got rolling. Just surreal enough to be weirdly fun, and nearly all the actors were pitch-perfect.
5767336
Dude, if you read The Twilight Effect and rave about it, that will get me to put it on my list. But categorically, given my tastes, all the bullet points are in the negative column on that one.
I wonder if KorenCZ is colorblind. 🤔 That could account for the odd description?
And oh boy does The Twilight Effect sound really, really good! 🙄 Why do the good ones always have to be so long though?
Starlight Glimmer is one of the main characters of The Maretian. It isn't the moon she's stranded on for eighteen months...
So, I wrote like, two little shorts about the Discoshy family before this and never published them. I had well defined characters, but Ghosting is the only published story that uses them. There's a whole timeline and map for modern Ponyville and everything that I have saved on my harddrive. Pinkie's family is mentioned in nearly every story in this AU, but I don't actually have a story in mind for them. I drew references for all the kids and everything, just no story.
The Apple family shows up in pretty much every other story in the AU as:
- MLP: FiM
- Romance
- Dark
- Drama
Applejack has had a rough year. As much as she wishes it wouldn't, things are only bound to get a lot worse.Is chronologically first in the series
- MLP: FiM
- Slice of Life
April showers bring...Is a little short set well after the previous one, but the first thing I published for this AU though it was written after Like Mother Like Daughter
- MLP: FiM
- Drama
- Slice of Life
Big Macintosh has built himself a life. He has his own farm, A wife, two kids, everything he's ever wanted. After his wife comes home from the supermarket one day, he finds out that he's got more than he ever wanted.And this one is more specific to Mac and his family.
I drew references and all that for the characters, but never got around to writing the stories I had in mind. I wanted to do Pinkie next, but that story was just sad and based on bad memories and I couldn't get into it. But still, maybe I'll do something in the future with them. I tend to write these when I get an idea and need somewhere to put it more than anything. The next one, which should be out in a few days, is very much that.
You should read the rest of them as, if nothing else, the two bigger stories provide a lot of context for Applejack and Mac in this series.
5767357
This is partly true, I have what's called Irlen's syndrome, which messes with the wavelengths I can actually see. I've worn colored lenses over my eyes since I was in middle school.
Why the yellow, however, comes down to digital drawing on a PC. Soarin is nearly pure white which leaves no room for color gradation, and if you take a look at his eyes and outline, they're pure white and a green yellow color. Taking those colors, I played with the values to get a dark, neutral, and bright shade and went from there. Him, Prism, and Downy are all that color just because it was easier to work with than pure white which makes up shine and the ghost outfits Downy and Dash are wearing.
In story or IRL?
5767328
Nah, the epilogue was great all-around. The fact that it was one big chapter was the only awkward bit for me.
Ah-ha, haha, polished, yeah. That's what it will be. For sure! Hehe.
In all seriousness, I don't know with 100% confidence that what I've done is an overall improvement. My pre-readers told me my first pass (which was largely just name changes and minor tweaks) read too much like a fanfiction, which is the primary reason I decided to do the total rewrite. The new version is longer and includes some things I meant to have in the FIMFic version but skipped due to fears of it being "too long", and those fears are not alleviated.
5767330
I'm not sure what you mean by "blatant ignoring of the show".
5767331
I know, right?!
5767336
Come to the EqG Side, Mike. Search your feelings, you know you want to!
Don't blame you for wanting to do Extended Cut first. It deserves it.
As to A Series of Unfortunate Events, yeah, I've got no interest in continuing. I didn't have an interest in reading the first one, to be honest, but it had somehow gotten into my collection and I figured there's no point in having it if I'm not going to read it, so...
5767337
I am surprised. I thought evelili did an excellent job on the subject.
It did, didn't it? Everything about the epilogue made me happy. I think I was just miffed that I had to read 30k on a particularly busy day.
5767352
That sounds like a request. Is that a request? I'mma treat it like a request.
5767354
Hmm. Well, if I ever decide to give Netflix a go (still don't like the idea of giving them money), I might just give it a try.
5767357
You know, I've wondered about this quite often. A lot of the stories I consider my favorites – maybe the majority – are long-form like that. I don't think it's that I prefer long-form stories either, although that may play at least some part to it.
5767360
So wait, you mean The Maretian takes place before The End of the Beginning? Then why does the sequel order put it behind Changeling Space Program?
5767379
I see, I see. So you do have a lot of stories, just not all of them "exist" as far as FIMFiction is concerned. Eh, I suppose I can buy that. Heaven knows I've got a lot of stories in mind for my other properties (is that the right term here?) that will likely never see the light of day.
Huh, I learned something new today.
5767390
Both, although these days we also have a lot at the opposite end of the spectrum, i.e, everything is a special circumstance and thus nobody needs to follow the rules. I think the "there are no special circumstances" types probably still outnumber them though.
5767402
novel-length format no doubt gives authors more room to develop ideas in, but then again I know you've read more than one author's first fic that's a 100k+ monstrosity that didn't need to be that long and also improves as it goes along :P
5767404
Sometimes, its a surprise to go back to those outlines and see just how much I wrote for them. There were supposed to be stories that connect A growing shadow, Candy Apples, and It's Always Such a Pleasure to this timeline too that never made it to production either. The timeline and the events are there, just no written story. I have a pile of drafts sitting away and to be honest, I doubt I'll ever get to any of them. Still, the Princess of Taxes was one such old draft, so maybe there's hope for these stories yet.
5767395
Twilight and Rainbow are ignoring the fact that Cadance and Shining used to be in the same situation they are, and they got married anyway, and nopony said a thing about it.
They're also multiple-time saviors of Equestria. I seriously doubt the public would be wholly against them being together. Their own fears are the only thing that feels right.
5767418
Hmm. This is an issue of context. Seashell is part of the Born in Equestria continuity (which most readers wouldn't know because Winston doesn't link to it at all). The first story in this continuity was released on FIMFiction in 2012, but it was actually written in 2011 (as evidenced by it featuring on Equestra Daily that year), before Cadance and Shining Armor existed as characters. It therefor makes sense that their scenario wouldn't feature at all in the continuity. We'd have to ask Winston if they were ever added in after the fact, but given everything I've seen I don't believe that to be the case, especially with so many things already diverging from canon (such as Moondancer dying in a war prior to the continuity's start).
In short, Cadance and Shining Armor are not really factors at all to be considered. However I can understand why you wouldn't know that, because again, Winston failed to point out anywhere in Seashell that it is part of that continuity. You have to infer it via the references the story throws around, and even then you wouldn't know it if you hadn't read those stories. So regardless, we can still pin this on him.
Don't be so sure. After all, it's canon that in Manehattan nopony gave a damn that Princess Twilight and her fellow heroes were in town. For every Once Upon a Zeppelin that depicts ponies celebrating Twilight, there is an episode that shows the public not treating them as anything particularly special or even being somewhat antagonistic (a la Fame and Misfortune). And even those are outside the bounds of the Born in Equestria continuity due to how old it is in comparison. When a story predates practically all canon, I think we can give the author some leeway to interpret how the world behaves.
5767397
Now Paul, you know better than that. If those feeble
Jedimind tricks don't work on anyone living past the weak-minded, what makes you think they'd work on a non-corporeal entity? 👻Look, no amount of well-written fics or well-handled redemption arcs (relative to others in the show) changes that it's humanising ponies, taking out much of the fantasy I come to MLP for, and replacing it with high school anime-esque characterisation and tropes (even if filtered through a Hasbro TV-Y context that strips out the sexualisation – of the official media, anyway). And also retrofitting an art style designed for ponies into humans I don't find visually appealing even slightly, though I don't hold that against fanfic. And to be fair, it got visually smoother in marginal ways as it went on.
I'm not tone-deaf. I totally get why EqG won people over after the rocky start with the first film, and why it's quite popular as a side avenue to FiM in both fanfic and fanart – those anime tropes and high school setting suck many people up and play them like a fiddle. But it's always gonna be an uphill battle for me wholly dependant on the given fic's quality being sublime, more so the longer it is. That ain't gonna change, any more than me being relatively indifferent to Sunset (good indifferent, to be fair) even as an overwhelming subset of people rave about her like she's the GOAT.
It is, in a sense, not that much different to any given ship needing to be proper quality to win me over, and not getting judged more softly because on the pairing. Just applied more strongly, and to the likelihood of me reading the thing in the first place, not just how I perceive it.
5767431
All that and the only thing I can think of right now is this bit of cringe:
5767403 Because most of the characters in End of the Beginning don't even appear as cameos in Maretian. The story happens after Maretian, but the tone and ideas of the snippet are more closely connected to CSP.
5767503
I'm the sort of person who prefers chronology to be the deciding factor in these sorts of things, but I can see where you're coming from. I guess it's my own fault for not paying close enough attention to the cover page's content.
Thanks for the retrospective review of Seashell!
I'm working on the print version right now. I was, as your review mentions, wondering if it would be long enough, but with some rewrites and some changes from the original and some expanded material it's up to about 70 pages so far and I think I'm looking at about 85-100 all told, which should be long enough to stand alone as its own book.
I was wondering, would it be alright if I used a brief quote out of your review as a cover blurb for the book? I was thinking either "Not only does everything feel vivid, but you get the impression that there’s a bigger, complex, lived-in world out there." or "Seashell very much deserves to be seen as a classic of the fandom." My preference is for the second one right now. Fair disclosure before you answer, though: there's been substantial rewrites in the upcoming print version to bring the story mostly out of the Born in Equestria continuity / AU and make it stand a lot better on its own, and fix some of the (frankly, with over a decade of retrospection and huge personal improvement as an author since then) cringe parts of the original writing. That said, I've been trying really hard to keep the same sense of vivid, lived-in, personal observation driven narrative, and keep the same emotional depth and motivations of the characters. Overall, I think I've done a good job of preserving all the spirit of the original and IMO the changes have made the print version a lot better, but still, with big changes made to that version, if you'd rather not be quoted because it's technically not the version you've been able to read yet that's totally fine. Just let me know.
5769803
80-100 pages? Sounds like a perfection story to go on my bookshelf, then!
I have mixed feelings on the quote. On the one hand, what I said is certainly true and I have enough faith in you as a writer to believe it will remain so with the rewrite. On the other, is it intellectually honest to use a quote for the older version in the book?
...
Ah, what the heck. Go ahead and use it. I'm sure I'll be reading the revised version eventually, which I'll probably review, and I'll probably end up saying the same thing.