Paul's Thursday Reviews CCII · 8:52pm Apr 16th, 2020
Hello all you isolated people, and not-so-isolated for the ones with families. I’m currently under official quarantine because I had the audacity to visit my parents, which has had a total of no impact at all on my life since I’ve been working from home for the last few weeks and all sit-in restaurants are closed. Y’know, I think that’s the only thing that bothers me right now, at least in terms of immediate impacts on my personal life. I do love my weekly restaurant visits. If only DoorDash didn’t cost a firstborn son...
Speaking more in the long term, my biggest problem is money. Don’t get me wrong, I’m fine. I’m not going to have any issues with paying my bills or buying groceries or anything like that. But this year I got a big surprise when I was invited to be a guest at Everfree Northwest. It’s very flattering and I would like nothing more than to spend a few days meeting more of you folks in the flesh. But with 20% less income than normal, I’m not saving any funds. I can’t. In fact, I suspect my overall savings are going down during this panic. At this rate I’ll have no choice but to pay for the trip with a credit card, and I only just got out of debt with that thing a few months ago. On top of that, I was set and focused on making 2020 the year I buy my own house, and I think that’s a more important thing than a vacation. And this all assumes my company doesn’t eventually break from the pressure of these draconian restrictions and lays me off.
Point is, my confidence level with this idea is low. I really want to go to EFNW, but I have to have my priorities. Priority #1 is not getting back into credit card debt, and Priority #2 is finally being a homeowner. If things don’t improve within the next month, I’ll have to decline the invitation. Even if it does get better, I might have to decline anyway. This is just a bad year for that kind of thing.
I’m sure all of this is similar to a lot of other people out there, and I don’t want it to look like I’m whining when, financially speaking, I’m in far better straights than a lot of people. So let’s just move on, get through this thing, and hope it’s over soon. In the meantime?
Reviews.
Oh, almost forgot: no reviews next week, folks. I’m on break.
Stories for This Week:
Origin Story by Kkat
There is Another Sky by Noble Thought
Of manes, wings and princesses by Midday Shine
A Night On Deck by Bad_Seed_72
The World's Executioner by kalash93
The Chicken Goddess by Mr101
Pros and Cons by Sharp Spark
Space, Intentionally Left Blank by GroaningGreyAgony
Rarity Dreams of Non-Electric Sheep by Kris Overstreet
I Feel Beautiful by LightningSword
Total Word Count: 72,224
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 6
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
Origin Story
24,563 Words
By Kkat
Everyone knows Kkat for having written the epic Fallout: Equestria that started its own unique FiM subculture. How many of you were aware that Kkat wrote another FiM fanfiction? Only one. Origin Story tells of both the first and last expedition of the great Daring Do. It is also set in the FO:E universe, although Kkat made sure to note that its canonicity to FO:E is up to reader interpretation. No knowledge of FO:E is required to understand the story and, indeed, very little of Origin Story directly relates to anything in it. This was written to be its own standalone piece, and it works wonderfully for that.
Every chapter is told in three parts. First, we get the older Daring Do, who has come back from retirement at the behest of Rainbow Dash, Ministry Mare of the Ministry of Awesome, to investigate the zebra legion’s work in supposedly freeing an ancient sun spirit from Tartarus. The second part is that same older Daring Do discussing some of the things she’s learned in her years of adventure, which inevitably relates to the ongoing events of both past and present stories. The third part is the ‘prologue’ the elder Daring Do is writing, essentially the story of her very first adventure which, coincidentally, is directly related to her last one.
Kkat plays the three parts against one another with great effectiveness, each section having its own definitive style to differentiate it from the others. Along the way we learn who A.K. Yearling really is, the nature of Zebrican spirits, the origin of Ahuizotl, the fine differences between Zebra and Pony cultures, and of course go on an epic quest or two stopping bad guys from doing bad things. We might even have the origins of Caballeron while we’re at it, although this isn’t expressly stated and, once again, up to reader interpretation. It starts off a little slow, but once the energy has been built it gets hard to look away.
The story doesn’t forget its relationship with FO:E, either. There are a lot of subtextual elements that hint at where things are going and, maybe, a few hints of why. Alas, I’ve not read the original FO:E in a veritable eternity (in pony years, at least), so I’m not sure if there are references throughout this story that I’m missing.
All in all, I’d say Kkat did an exemplary job, even if Daring Do’s final fate is both nebulous and a little depressing. But this is an FO:E prequel, so a realist’s conclusion is par for the course. My only regret is that there are no more Kkat fics on FIMFiction to read. I’d love to see the events of this story play into something in the wider world of FO:E.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Fallout: Equestria — WHYRTY?
There is Another Sky
13,147 Words
By Noble Thought
Answer Jim survived the End, when the horizon was covered in mushroom clouds and the air first became choked with ash. A decade later, the world is a universal grey and he continues to survive alone in his shelter, his only neighbor a villainous bandit named Sour Marley. And then Jim comes upon… a box. A box with a filly inside it. A filly named Celestia.
This was an entry in Equestria Daily’s Most Most Dangerous Game Contest, which was themed around My Little Dashie. It largely involves old Jim living together with Celestia in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. I would classify it as Weird Fiction lite, as it is more grounded in reality than most Weird stories but still holds onto that rule of unsolved mysteries. Why is Celestia here? What is her purpose? We’ll never know.
Even so, the story is certainly touching. It is told in two parts. First, we have the perspective of Jim in a constant alternation of scenes in the present and past, the past being how he found Celestia and his life with her and the present being him suffering some sort of injury while Celestia cares for him. Eventually, the story shifts to Celestia’s perspective as she tries to save him and resorts to contacting people on the outside. Both have their pleasant moments, their sad bits, their curiosities.
Then we have the final mystery which, like so much else in this story, goes unexplained. The need-to-know crowd will go bonkers over that conclusion, I’m sure.
I enjoyed this. It’s intensely atmospheric and uses subtlety and visuals to demonstrate emotion. Not much Tell to tell of here, folks. With a quietly compelling narrative and strict avoidance of some of the most common post-apocalypse tropes, Noble Thought keeps this interesting from beginning to end. My only regret is that I have no idea about… well, anything Celestia-related in this story. But I suppose that’s something Noble Thought expects us to live with. Contextually speaking, I don’t think I can fault him for that.
Read this if you’re a fan of Celestia and/or post-apocalypse stories with a strong, touching overarching theme. Run away if you’re a reader who demands answers.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Ghost of a Rose — Pretty Good
The Secret Lives of Doors, A Locked Up Story — Pretty Good
Mother of the Moon — Needs Work
Of manes, wings and princesses
1,318 Words
By Midday Shine
Every morning, Celestia captures filly Twilight and personally grooms her mane. By mouth. With zero regard for who might be watching.
There’s not much to this. Celestia grooms Twilight every morning, it’s embarrassing, Cadance acknowledges her agony, story over. It has the advantage of filly Twilight – which is an advantage just by existing – and Momlestia, and exists purely for a thousand words of fluffy giggles at Twilight’s expense. As a story, it’s a throwaway piece.
Filly Twilight fans won’t care, and I don’t blame them. So read this if you want your Filly Twilight kick for the day.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
A Night On Deck
9,161 Words
By Bad_Seed_72
Alternate Title: Noteworthy is a Bloody Stupid Git
Prince Blueblood takes a cruise ship headed to the Griffon Kingdom, as he is now ambassador for those lands. While waiting for his dinner in the banquet hall, lone saxophonist Noteworthy plays a piece that takes his breath away. Blueblood wants him on the castle staff. Noteworthy won’t have anything to do with that.
The description says this story was inspired by Bob Seger’s Turn the Page. The song is unquestionably a classic, a beloved piece deserving of all the attention it gets. At the same time, it always struck me as a hollow, selfish piece, whining about problems your average person only wishes they could have instead of real-world issues like food and shelter and a daily wage.
Which is why it so perfectly fits A Night On Deck. Noteworthy had everything. He was well on his way to being one of the greatest saxophonists of his age. He would have had everything your common pony struggles to get on a daily basis: food, shelter, and a daily wage. Fuck, he even had Octavia Melody as his life partner, with all indications that they would have been together the rest of their lives. Octavia Melody. His life was perfect. And he abandons all of it because he feels like he needs to be a wandering, lonely bum in order to be happy.
And the kicker is that we can readily tell by the story’s description that he’s not.
So, yeah. Noteworthy’s an idiot. I mean, I could understand if he tried it for a year, realized it wasn’t working out and went running back to Octavia. But no, he’s been at it for almost a decade, still isn’t happy, and refuses to acknowledge the fact. I hope Bad Seed isn’t expecting me to feel sympathy for the guy, because frankly, all his problems are entirely of his own creation.
But still, this is a story inspired by a song, and the two work shockingly well together. I feel the author captured the mood and the idea of the song perfectly. The fact it’s about a pony with more talent than sense doesn’t take away from such a perfect homage.
And that’s why I’m rating this highly. I get the feeling Bad Seed achieved everything she was aiming for, and how can I offer that anything but praise?
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Between The Lines — Pretty Good
Elegy Of Emptiness — Pretty Good
Just Like Her — Pretty Good
The Order — Pretty Good
The World's Executioner
1,143 Words
By kalash93
Celestia mistakes stupidity for wisdom, and in so doing destroys her world.
The story centers around Celestia learning that the combined armies of Chrysalis and Sombra are overrunning Equestria. In this version of the world, Celestia is a god in a literal sense, and could very easily turn the combined armies and their leaders into so much ash with a glance. It would make perfect sense to do so, but Celestia is an intellectual, which means the right way is the wrong way for no other reason than she deems it to be so, so she’d rather risk the deaths of all her ponies to assuage her sense of ‘good’. How? By unleashing a plague.
I get that kalash93 was trying to generate some sort of depressing, highly emotional ‘end times’ atmosphere in this story. In their defense, the writing is solid. They clearly know what they’re doing in terms of translating a character’s mood to literature.
But Celestia’s reasoning is so preposterous, especially for an apparently immortal being, that it ruins everything this story has going for it. She acts as though if she kills even a single enemy with her divine power, billions across the universe will die. Which is beyond nonsense. Celestia, you’re immortal, and you clearly have the power to determine the ongoing societal development of the world. So what if you teach the ponies living today that you can win through sheer power alone? In a thousand years – practically a blink for you – not a soul will remember. This is a setback at worst.
Let’s not even go down the road of how someone as powerful as Celestia, with Luna at her side no less, allowed this to happen in the first place. Or how she made this decision without, y’know, consulting her co-ruler about it. Might makes right, indeed.
Good writing can’t mask the sheer idiocy on display here. I can only explore more of kalash93’s works and hope the characters within them show more intelligence than this apparent Celestial.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The Chicken Goddess
4,482 Words
By Mr101
Being insufferably bored, Scootaloo agrees to help Fluttershy tend to her animals for the day. This would be pleasant enough if the chickens weren’t… staring… at her…
I doubt I need to say this, but this story is nonsense for nonsense’s sake. If that’s what you’re looking for, you’ll probably enjoy this. It largely involves fluttershy’s chickens trying to ‘rescue’ their ‘goddess’ from her captors (i.e., her parents and the other CMC). It’s all ridiculous, but somehow isn’t ‘over the top’ ridiculous, which makes me like it even more. It’s overarching style reminds me of the show’s, and in a good way.
The only thing that bugs me is that we never find out why the chickens think Scootaloo is their ‘goddess’. I mean, yes, we know the whole thing is a play on a long-running gag. But if all these chickens see Scootaloo and immediately jump to this deity conclusion, there has to be some sort of background reason, right? The potential for added silliness there is impossible to overstate, but Mr101 doesn’t bother to even try at it. Talk about an opportunity lost.
Still, for what it is, I had fun. Give it a read if you want to watch Scootaloo being regularly mobbed by poultry.
...and now I want to see a Smash Bros. Ultimate mod where all the chickens are replaced by Scootaloos. Or at least a Legend of Zelda one.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Pros and Cons
7,459 Words
By Sharp Spark
Spike finally convinces Twilight to bring him to Linecon the Manehattan Comic-Con, with Rainbow in attendance. He soon manages to slip off on his own, and thus embarks on a journey of discovery! Or, rather, he would. But Spike’s never been to a convention before, and is woefully unprepared.
Those of us who have been to a convention have a general idea of what’s coming. Poor Spike’s giddy delight is soon stifled by vastly overpriced food, an eternity of lines, the best items going out of stock, and certain icons of his favorite comics not being what he imagined. This is all balanced out by Spike discovering that, while the convention isn’t quite what he’d been expecting, there are absolutely some good parts.
I enjoyed this. It’s a great lesson for Spike. It might also bring back fond (well, hopefully) memories for those of us who have been to a con or two, and for those who’ve never been it grants a pretty accurate view of what it’s like. We all know that if you want something at a convention, you better plan ahead (pauses to admire his Rarity plushie).
A solid story that ‘gets’ conventions, both the good and the bad. I can think of no reason not to recommend it.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Do Changelings Dream of Twinkling Stars? — WHYRTY?
80 Days: Under the Waves — Pretty Good
The Good, the Bad, and the Ponies — Pretty Good
Bonafide — Worth It
Space, Intentionally Left Blank
3,144 Words
By GroaningGreyAgony
I have no idea.
This is a curious story. Vibrant in its descriptions, show in all that it portrays, with not a word of dialogue to offer us but a whole world – well, half a world – to put on display. It involves Princess Luna flying to some unknown destination for reasons unknown and performing acts for reasons even more unknown. It’s colorful, it’s a little wild, and it’s a lot playful.
Then you get to that ending and… and I don’t know. Is this meant to be a metaphor? Is GroaningGreyAgony introducing us to an entirely new concept of Equestria and its princesses? Is it a literal translation of the Equestrian banner into real life? There’s no way to know.
If you’re looking for a great demonstration of being vivid through descriptions without any trace of Tell, this story will provide. But if you’re looking for something that easily makes sense and from which you know exactly what’s happening, pass this up. I’m not sure GroaningGreyAgony intended this to be anything but scenery porn. I won’t begrudge them that. Sometimes an author just feels like letting loose.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Riverdream at Sunset: a Manuscript — WHYRTY?
“Cumin,” Sighed Rainbow Dash — Needs Work
Rarity Dreams of Non-Electric Sheep
1,120 Words
By Kris Overstreet
Requested by Super Trampoline
Rarity had a supposedly terrible nightmare. She decides to tell her friends about it. In song form.
I’m not sure how I rated this one for the feghoot festival, but I hope it was high. Upon my second read of this story, I find myself enjoying it far more. It’s a stream of decent-to-strong jokes that range from everything between Rainbow’s ego, Pinkie’s Pinkie-ness, and Rarity’s expertise in melodrama (honestly, one of my favorite attributes of hers). It all concludes with what may be the best ponified lyrics of any song I’ve ever read, something I’m usually indifferent or disdainful towards.
And of course, it’s a feghoot. The pun at the end may get mixed reactions. The setup for it is as good as could be hoped, but I don’t consider myself the greatest judge in punnery.
Regardless, I really liked this, far more than I normally would for a story of this nature.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
I Feel Beautiful
6,687 Words
By LightningSword
Sequel to Can Ya Fix Her?
A week ago, Thunderlane chickened out because of the arrival of Big Mac. Now he stands outside the Carousel Boutique, waiting for the other customers to leave. All he wants is that pink dress, but he can’t let anyone else know it. The hardest part, aside from working up the courage, is what to say to Rarity when he buys it.
Or, to summarize in the fewest words: Thunderlane crossdresses. The story centers on Rarity finding out about this – really, it’s not hard – and helping Thunderlane feel like this doesn’t make him a freak. All in all, it’s a very Rarity thing to do.
To me, the most important aspect of a story like this is not the topic itself but how the author approached it. It would be so very easy to turn this into a soap box where the author rails against the establishment and preaches social justice. Which, from a story standpoint, would be the absolute worst thing to do. Oh, yes, the Social Justice Warriors might eat it up, but everyone else will just roll their eyes and move on, completely dismissing the topic.
Fortunately, LightningSword seems to understand that true inclusion is about normalcy, which is exactly what Rarity offers Thunderlane. He of course feels insecure and embarrassed, even shamed, of his interest. Which is perfectly understandable. And Rarity, rather than railing against discrimination and the social injustices of the world, merely provides him the ability to feel comfortable with his desires and an ear to talk in whenever he needs it. Which is all that was required of her.
What we end up with is a story that makes a point without rubbing our faces in it, which focuses on Thunderlane’s personal journey of self-acceptance with the help of an understanding friend. And that, accompanied with an all-around decent writing style, makes this story a strong one. It’s nice to see authors tackle complex, potentially controversial topics while maintaining the feel of a proper story and keeping the characters true-to-canon, and this one certainly achieves that. Well done, LightningSword.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Can Ya Fix Her? — Pretty Good
Stories for Next Week:
Antipode of Light by wYvern
Asking a Favor by Tinybit92
Solace by ViThePony
A Little Push by LuminoZero
A Walk by the Hills by Spider8ite
Eeyup by Scootaloo96
Counting Crows by VashTheStampede
The Sword Coast by AdrianVesper
Into the Twily-verse by Raugos
Fixing Up Miss Smartypants by Arkensaw Pinkerton
Recent Review Map:
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXCVII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXCVIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXCIX
Paul's Thursday Reviews CC
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCI
You Are Here
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCIV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCVI
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCVII
Actually, Kkat just finished a new fic, Prey.
It's not set in the Fallout Equestria universe, but has still been an enjoyable read so far.
I'm honored! Thank you.
I'm sorry to hear about your financial troubles. I am in a similar boat and can very much empathize.
Oh, side note: I just finished my third fanfic on this site a few days ago. Something a bit different. I hope you enjoy it!
I promise I don't read these every week secretly hoping one of my stories will pop up. :appleliar:
5243895
Yeah, what's the old rule? Add 20%? 25%? Again to the price? Something like that.
Ahh... Time constraints and word limits. I did edit it a bit after the contest was over, but I didn't add anything especially game-changing. Just cleaned up a few bits, but left the mystery in there. It's not like I had any idea why she was there either. It was oddly easier to write without knowing, and I like to know why the heck things are happening in my stories. Then again, maybe that's why I haven't published anything in almost two years.
Anyway... for a little oneshot for a contest... I didn't really have room to put reasons in without distracting from the atmosphere and the story out there. Time-wise or word-wise. Maybe given more time, I could've worked it out, but eh. I like it enough as is and I don't feel a particular need to know the answers either.
Thanks kindly for the thoughts, Paul, and good luck with the house and money woes... especially in this crazy atmosphere.
5243821
5243834
I saw Prey making the rounds but didn't realize who the author was. I'll certainly have to give it a look later! *glances at RiL* Uh... Much later.
5243891
Heh, yeeeeeah... I've got a list of authors I want to read again. You're on it. But there are exactly 175 other authors on that list ahead of your name.
Might I suggest a request? It's about the only way I'll get to one of yours faster than waiting, say, years. Unless I break my own rules in a show of favoritism, that is.
5243895
5243921
Some, if not all, of this is known to me, and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't scary. I'm trying to tread very carefully, and this economic downturn isn't making it easy. I'll just have to hope things turn around soon.
5244023
The bane of writers everywhere. I do think the story works well as-is, and I don't thin you need to explain things in it, but it will definitely be a turn off for a lot of people. Sometimes we have to chose what hits we're willing to take.
5244154
The economic downtown could work in your favor. The housing market has been overinflated for decades now. It's possible it could finally pop, and while lots of rich investors would lose their shirts, houses that were 4x the actual price could come down and be affordable for normal people.
5244153
I'm not vain enough to recommend a story for you to review, but I can at least recommend some stories of mine for you to read. Sadly, you've only reviewed two of my weakest fics (one I even removed from Fimfiction and placed offsite because it was so iffy), so unless you read a lot of stories that you don't review, you probably haven't had a good sample of what I can do.
I guess the best I can do is to recommend a few minifics I've written which you could read in just a few minutes, if only so you can get to know me a little better. Whatever seems interesting to you, feel free to take a peek. You don't need to review them, but feel free to let me know if you liked anything. Each of these is under 1,200 words, and I think worth reading:
Dead and Loving It is a dark comedy trio, each around a thousand words. (The middle one is particularly fun.) Shoot for the Moon is a rather personal character piece about diversity and education, and Smoothing the Knots is a recent Celestia/Luna character piece.
For a slightly longer fic in the 3k range, Motherly is my RCL feature for a reason. It's a good example of my style of bittersweet: stories where love and empathy lead to bad places that still retain a silver lining.
In the 5k range: Self-Control, Familiar, and The Element of Surprise are three good Twi-dramas.
The only one of these suggestions that hasn't been reviewed before is Smoothing the Knots. The most well-liked story I've written that hasn't been reviewed yet is The Phoenix Festival, but that's close to 10k so I won't bother linking to it here. My most acclaimed and award-winning story is The Price of a Smile at 15k, and I'm proud of Broken Symmetry as well, but that's a novella at 60k and only for the geekiest of readers (it's super science-heavy).
All that said, many of my favorite stories (e.g. The Clarity of Darkness or Recycled) are less popular than the ones I've plugged here, but as long as I can put a feel in your heart at some point in the future I'll be thrilled.
5246093
You want me to read something without reviewing it? Oh, you silly, silly person. *pats on head* That's like asking Godzilla to kindly not stomp on those buildings while rampaging through Tokyo; them high-rises are gonna be pancakes.
It just so happens that my steel trap of a mind (a very rusty steel trap that's never been set, but still a steel trap) recalls past methods and my solutions to their produced problems. One of the things I did many years ago was have a "Recommendations" list. Eventually I decided it was clogging up the works, so I got rid of it. Or at least, I got rid of the evidence of its existence. I simply started listing recommendations in the Requests list, treating them as one and the same.
Which means you just requested 11 stories. No escape from the reviews, my friend, you are now in my sights. Granted, it'll still be months before you see the results of this conversation and you may even forget entirely that it happened by the time the reviews roll around, but still, in my sights.
shrink-laureate.com/paulasaran/2020/0416/Rarity.png
Oh, yeah, and 11, not 12, because it turns out I've already reviewed Dead and Loving it. You can find it here. It's an extremely short one.
5246156
5246156
(Also, apparently The Deluxe Big Master Review List is out of date, because it didn't list that review. No idea who maintains it, though.)
5246215
That would be Singularity Dream, if I recall correctly.
I don't frequent this site nearly as much as I used to. I figured it was easier to give up writing on this site than it was to please people. So I don't get many reviews these days, much less positive ones. So when I get a good one, it means a lot to me.
And from you, I got two. Maybe I'm not such a hack after all.
Thanks.