Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXLV · 9:43pm Nov 30th, 2023
So now we’re in the second lull between holidays. The eternal struggle of trying to lose some of that Thanksgiving weight before Christmas and New Years comes around to destroy my scales again. Then comes 2024, where we’ll spend all year trying to undo the damage just for it to start over again next November.
Don’t you just love this time of year?
Good news: I’m definitely completing NaNoWriMo this year, given that I’ve only got to write some 1,300 words today to finish. (Pre-Post Edit: Correction, It is done.) 50,000 words on the Guppy Love originalfication, and closing in on finishing the draft. I’d forgotten how nice productivity feels. Imagine if I could pull it off every month, which I used to be able to do. I could release so much stuff.
I don’t think it’s feasible for next month though. I didn’t realize how frugal I’d been this year with my vacation time and now I’ve got to use three full weeks of it or lose it. Two of those weeks will almost certainly be spent at my parents’ place, one of which will have my sister and niece visiting. I have zero expectations towards writing in that period, so yeah, I ain’t netting 50k in December unless I go overboard in the first couple weeks.
Even so, this latest success gives me hope that I can finally hit some projects I’ve had on the sidelines for a long while. In the meantime, I plan to start December by releasing a small anthology. I had originally planned to do it in November, but then realized that doing so would mean working on something other than Guppy Love. I decided I’d rather devote every moment of my literary work for the month on the one story, in keeping with the spirit of things.
It was frustrating maintaining that rule. I got a lot of interesting pairings on my daily desktop roulette this month that I really wanted to write drabbles for. Tomorrow I won’t have that limitation anymore, so the anthology can come out.
Enough of my ramblings. Let us get to the reviews!
Stories for This Week:
Sunny Skies All Day Long by PhantomFox
Sunset Shimmer's Very Respectable Class Reunion by Sporktacles
The Wool we Weave by Lambs Prey
The Stars Have Eyes by Exterminatus
We're Trapped in Stone, and We Must Scream by King of Madness
Something About Midnights by evelili
Pinkie Anonymous by Daemon McRae
For want of a book by Hoopy McGee
To Walk Unseen by NaiadSagaIotaOar
Entry #649 by KitsuneRisu
Total Word Count: 280,197
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 4
Worth It: 4
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
Sunny Skies All Day Long
8,536 Words
By PhantomFox
After the events with Philomena and Fluttershy in Ponyville, Celestia returns to Canterlot in a state of pure frustration. All she wanted was a day to relax, and everypony in town treated her as if she’d banish them for burning a biscuit! Seeing her annoyance, Luna proposes a solution: go back to Ponyville not as Celestia.
This story was written way back in 2012, and may be the origin for the commonly used “Sunny Skies” alter ego I often see Celestia have throughout the fandom when she’s trying to go incognito (although I couldn’t say that with any confidence). It is everything you might expect from something like this: Celestia takes on a pegasus guise, visits Ponyville, and meets each of the unwitting Mane Six one at a time. It’s not an original idea by any means, but given its age I think I’ll let that slide.
It should come as no surprise that Pinkie Pie caught on more or less instantly, because Pinkie Pie.
Although well written, there wasn’t anything in the story to make it unusual or exciting. There are no lessons learned, no grand themes, no overarching goals. It’s just Celestia having a day out on the town without any royal duties to worry about while trying to maintain her anonymity. Which might be all it needed to be, especially for fans of Celestia or someone who just wants to read some slice of life. One thing it certainly has going for it: it has aged phenomenally, with nothing whatsoever in the story serving as a potential break from canon even now. Nor can I find anything technically wrong with it.
Nothing amazing, but not bad by any means. Give it a go if you feel like seeing Celestia meet the Mane Six outside the confines of royal formalities.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Sunset Shimmer's Very Respectable Class Reunion
2,733 Words
By Sporktacles
Sequel to Bad Decisions Make Better Stories
“Trixie to make Neigh Orleans Great and Powerful again” might be the single best article headline ever. Just sayin’.
In the previous story, we learned about how Sunset threw the single greatest party in the history of history in the Royal Canterlot Gardens. Which is why she went to the human world: getting the hell out of Dodge before Celestia got back. In this story she heads back to the same place for a class reunion, now with Princess Twilight Sparkle as her marefriend. Except everyone in the world remembers what happened when Sunset was previously in town, and none of them plan to miss it this time!
This one isn’t as good as its predecessor in my opinion, owing partially to its altered formatting and lack of impending doom via celestial fury. Yet it still has plenty of humor to go around, including the discovery that Sunset Shimmer may technically be indirectly responsible for every bad thing that has happened to Equestria in the last ten years. The only one I would say isn’t really her fault is the whole thing with Cerberus: Twilight, considering Sunset Shimmer became Celestia’s protege before you were even born, you’re suggesting that Cerberus has been missing from Tartarus for over a decade at least and nopony even noticed, so is Sunset really the one to blame there?
The politics-related ending is the icing on the cake. I strongly suggest you actually read what we can see of the newspaper articles, they’re great.
Short and silly, which is all it needed to be. I’m looking forward to the next one.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Sunset Shimmer Lends Pinkie Pie the Wrong Thumb Drive — Pretty Good
Bad Decisions Make Better Stories — Pretty Good
The Wool we Weave
62,622 Words (at time of review)
By Lambs Prey
Side Story of Prey and a Lamb
Everypony knows that Equestria is a land of peace and harmony. Well, not everypony. There are those who know better…
The Wool we Weave is an anthology of stories set in the universe of Prey and a Lamb. To call them “short stories” would be dubious given that the shortest one is more than 11k words long, but hey, by my standards it qualifies! At the time of this review there are only three stories. The first involves a reformed changeling trying to be a therapist to some pony survivors of the first changeling invasion. The second has a young, female griffon trying to keep her new Canterlot job and, more importantly, not offend her scary-as-fuck boss. The third has Big McIntosh “enjoying” a typical Nightmare Night, unaware of the deeper events surrounding him.
No, none of them have anything to do with one another. All of them are set after the events of Prey and a Lamb, and they are in none-chronological order. Several characters from the main story make appearances, including Lemon Pink, Lilly Blossom, Randy Pickaxe, Scenic Paint and Carton Juice. Plus what was almost certainly an uncredited cameo from one Crimson and maybe from the little lamb himself, though the latter is uncertain at best.
Three things caught my attention. The first is that while this is set in the Prey and a Lamb universe, it is not necessary to know everything about that story to get the events of this one. Each story is told from the limited perspective of that story’s protagonist, and (so far) those protagonists know nothing whatsoever of past events. Each story has to exist outside, or at least peripheral to, those events. Lambs Prey does well to craft stories that might reference events but never leans on them.
Which is a long-winded way of saying: if you haven’t read Prey and a Lamb, you can still get something out of this.
The second thing of note is that these stories are, like the original, heavily character-focused. There are no big adventures here, no epic events. Only personal lives and how events impact them. Which is not to say nothing big happens at all. One of the stories actually showcases this AU’s version of the original changeling invasion, for example. But said invasion isn’t the point of the story. It is merely another major moment in the character’s development.
The third thing is how at least two of the stories seem heavily oriented around non-Equestrian cultures. The changeling one spends a lot of time explaining the nature of changelings in the AU, which is very different from what we know of the show even as it borrows from it in several ways. The griffon story gets a similar treatment. Worldbuilders will delight in both. Big Mac’s story lacked this particular element, which only proves that Lambs Prey never intended to go into this project with a single purpose/theme in mind.
It must be recalled that this is not a bright world. It can seem that way at times, but there is always the reminder that this AU can be ominous. There’s the blatant racism ponies display in the first two chapters. There’s Big McIntosh walking down a dark path, both aware and unaware that another figure is walking right next to him the entire time (it’s not important). There’s the scene of a protagonist cowering on the bed because something unnatural is in her apartment. This is a story that takes the blinders off, and while things never get as dreadfully dark as they did in Prey and a Lamb, there are still plenty of shadows being cast about.
All in all, this was a welcome return to the world of Prey and a Lamb. I hope that Lambs Prey will do more with it someday. I normally don’t rate incompletes, but seeing as this is an anthology that could be ended at any time – even before this blog is released – without any negative results, I think it’s fine. I’ll have to make that a new rule going forward.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Prey and a Lamb — WHYRTY?
The Stars Have Eyes
160,751 Words
By Exterminatus
Requested by ChaseIsOnTheCase
Alternative Title: Ah! My Goddess, Eat Your Heart Out
Joe Mulligan is a loser. His intellect, physical skill, and general talents are so terrible that his government file literally has him listed as unemployable. Which isn’t too bad when you consider that 99.99% of all citizens of the Third British Empire are also not employed. Lonely and desperate, he signs up for a service that promises to grant him his wish for a girlfriend. Next thing he knows, he’s tied butt naked down to an altar with a bunch of weirdos in black robes preparing to stick a wicked looking blade in him.
Bad news: The ritual goes through.
Good news: The ritual goes through.
To greatly simplify the summary: Joe Mulligan, as the last surviving participant in the ritual to summon the 3rd Class extradimensional psionic entity Magh’rathlak the Observer, gets to form a pact with it. But all the entity wants is to “observe” and understand our universe, including the human condition. Clueless Joe’s typically British response: “So you want to be mates?”
Magh’rathlak, completely unaware of the multiple meanings of the word “mate”, forms a particular conclusion and… well. “The pact is sealed.” And so does the not-quite-supremely powerful eldritch god from beyond space and time transform itself into an adorasexy girl to serve as its (physically pleasing) vessel in this human world. Yeah, it’s one of those stories.
Fortunately, Exterminatus knew how to keep things interesting. We follow Joe and Mags (anyone calling her Maggie aside from Joe does so at their own peril) as they explore the life and culture of the distant future of humanity, particularly in the interstellar nation known as the 3rd British Empire. There are no universal villains, no insurmountable challenges, just two “people” learning more about one another and the universe at large together.
The story and narrative are quite tongue-in-cheek with their manner. For example, the 3rd British Empire is ruled by God-Queen Mechalizabeth II, and her rival is the President of M.U.R.I.C.A., an artificial intelligence possessing the combined minds of those past presidents depicted on Mount Rushmore. If that doesn’t tell you all you need to know, I’m not sure what will. It’s a lot of fun, and while the story is certainly more a romance than a comedy the humor never quite goes away.
Exploring this universe (or at least Joe Mulligan’s homeworld) is a big part of the story. From examining the utterly below average home life for the average Joe (not to put too fine a point on it) to VR gaming competitions to the jocular theater that is legal trials, Exterminatus devotes a lot to this general subject. That makes perfect sense considering Mags’s entire existence centers around learning and exploring. In a sense, we’re discovering the future state of humanity through her (many (somewhat metaphorical)) eyes. Exterminatus makes the most of this aspect, allowing us to experience all sorts of things for the first time with Mags’s characteristic and relentless enthusiasm.
Whenever Mags speaks I can’t help but imagine her as having the voice of Rei Ayanami. Or perhaps Maud Pie. I’m not sure that was Exterminatus’s intention, it’s just what I got.
Aside from exploring the world, our characters also grow both as individuals and as a couple. Joe Mulligan, despite constantly leaning on Mags for everything, gradually grows beyond his original loser status and improves himself. Often this is directly because he wants to be better for Mags. The Joe Mulligan at the end of the story is a profoundly different individual from the clueless, borderline useless one at the start. So, too, does Magh’rathlak the Observer evolve, gaining more and more human mannerisms through her interactions with Joe and others. Indeed, watching Mags develop her sense of humanity is a highlight of the story, and she too feels like a very different monstrosity-within-a-human-body by the end.
They aren’t the only characters worth looking at, even if they were the most interesting. There’s Agent Johanson, a psionic soldier of the Supernatural Eviction Agency who has been tasked with keeping an eye on and learning from the Class 3 entity (read: be Joe’s and Mags’ house-mate). There’s Officer Malony, a policeman who tries to figure out who (or what) Mags is after she does some decidedly superhuman things. More minor characters include Joe’s friends with whom he plays video games and occasionally goes out to the pub with. And let us not forget Mags’ “sibling”, Kelogh’theryl the Devourer (“Kelly” to her toys), who plays the Urd to Mags’ Belldandy (so yeah, also an eldritch abomination in a hot chick’s body).
Some of these characters don’t really get their due attention. Officer Malony, for example, all but disappears at a certain point in the story aside from a mention or two, and Kelly’s two-chapter arc of existence is pretty much all we get of her outside a cameo in the final chapter.
I enjoyed this quite a bit. More so than I expected considering its common “loser gets a girlfriend out of thin air” premise. This is due entirely to the excellent character work and humorous elements that pervade nearly every aspect of the world Exterminatus has created. Pair that with a long-running plot theme of exploring said world and the gradual, continuous character/relationship growth of the two main characters and you’ve got something worth reading. My thanks to ChaseIsOnTheCase, because I never would have known this had existed without the request.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
We're Trapped in Stone, and We Must Scream
3,061 Words
By King of Madness
Requested by LH45
Alternative Title Newquestria is Fucked
At least when Discord got petrified they put him in a nice garden where he could be visited. Chrysalis, Tirak, and Cozy Glow don’t get even that luxury.
This story declares that the unified statue of our favorite (?) villains got left right where they were defeated, to be forgotten and ignored for thousands of years. They can still hear and see (except Tirek, who closed his eyes), but they cannot feel, or taste, or smell. Nor can they communicate in any way with one another.
The story tells the perspective of each villain, one per chapter, as the years roll by. Chrysalis incubates her utter hatred. Tirek descends into emotional numbness. Cozy Glow just wants to scream.
This was alright. It’s clear that King of Madness was going for an intense atmosphere that is different for each character. I get that. But it didn’t impact me much, perhaps because I was too busy thinking about how odd (or stupid) it is that their statue just got left there and not a single sentient creature ever bothered to visit. I mean, one of the gravest threats to Equestria is right there, easily accessible. Wouldn’t that be, like, a major tourist attraction of something? I grant that Celestia and Luna have this terrible track record of keeping threats to Equestria secret so that said threats can build their strength and strike again, but it’s not like nopony knows where this statue is. Hundreds of ponies witnessed the final conflict!
At the very least, where’s Flim and Flam? You can’t tell me they don’t see the moneymaking potential in a “see the vanquished villains” attraction. And it’s not like somepony couldn’t move the statue; if they could do it with Discord they can do it for these three.
Point is, I was so busy thinking about the strange implied elements of this story that I completely failed to be moved by its underlying mood. I don’t know if that’s more my fault or the author’s.
Still, I’m curious to know where it’s going with that sequel.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Something About Midnights
5,536 Words
By evelili
Requested by evelili
Sunset Shimmer has a new roommate, named Twilight Sparkle. And Twilight is… weird. Starting with the fact that she never seems to sleep. No, not in an exaggerated, “man, that girl keeps weird hours” kind of way. Literally. She does not sleep. And that’s just the start of Twilight’s quirkiness. It’s really starting to creep Sunset out…
It was right there in front of me all along and I didn’t catch it. I thought I understood what was happening. I believed I had all the answers and evilili was going for not so much a mystery as a mysterious atmosphere. Then the twist comes, I am floored, and it dawns upon me that all the clues to a mystery I never realized existed were staring me in the face from the very beginning.
And I can’t stop grinning.
The atmosphere straddles the line between creepy and mysterious. I thought I knew what was going on when I didn’t. I have so many questions. And it’s all a good thing. I was curious going in, invested once the odd bits started coming, and had full-on approval once the twist came. I dare not spoil things by going into detail, but I greatly enjoyed evilili’s manner of going about this.
The one and only thing that gave me pause was the flashback in the first scene. Not because there was a flashback, but because of the formatting for said flashback. The whole thing is encased in parentheses. 255 words. In parenthesis. Like the tangential statement of a sentence made itself into whole paragraphs of data. It was odd. I won’t go so far as to call it bad, it’s just not something I’ve ever seen before and I’m not sure what to think of it. Perhaps that’s just part of the whole “experimental narrative” bit evilili was going for. Which might mean criticism of it is something evilili wants. But really, I’m having trouble deciding whether it’s good, bad, or just another way to do it. I do feel like more grammar-oriented readers might take exception to it, but quirkiness aside I can’t say it negatively impacted my reading any.
Overall, I loved this. It works wonderfully in all the ways it needed to. I think my only regret is I’d like to see what happens next.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
To Thaw a Frozen Heart — Pretty Good
Pinkie Anonymous
9,516 Words
By Daemon McRae
Pinkie Press just wanted to be part of an interview. If only it could have ended there, but no. Now the One True Pie is aware of her existence. With the game effectively over, she decides to introduce Pinkie Pie to Pinkie Anonymous.
In other words: this is almost certainly exactly what you’re expecting. A whole host of Pinkie clones have been living in Manehattan, and have created Pinkie Anonymous to organize their activities and minimize the chance they’ll be discovered. The good news is that these Pinkies are all a great deal smarter than their counterparts taken out via a failure to watch paint dry, each having developed their own personalities, interests, and lives completely separate from the original and one another.
Getting found out by Pinkie Pie throws all that for a loop. As you might imagine.
I won’t be spoiling things, but I will say that the humor is right where I like it to be. It lasts just long enough to clarify everything, including the consequences of the group being outed, but not so long as to overstay its welcome. It’s nice that we also get to meet a few of the Pinkies in greater detail, like the organized Pinkie, the private detective Pinkie, the sexy Pinkie… and yes, even Pinkamena, because why not?
I am entertained, and that’s more than enough for me. Definitely recommended to anyone who either A) likes Pinkie Pie or B) would like to see that Pinkie Clone cameo in The Saddle Row Review amount to something.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Corner of (Our) Eyes — WHYRTY?
Pity the Rain — Pretty Good
Schadenfreude — Pretty Good
Schadenfreude 2: Schadenfreude Harder — Pretty Good
The Adventures of Schadenfreude — Pretty Good
For want of a book
5,872 Words
By Hoopy McGee
Young Twilight Sparkle, studious student of Princess Celestia, voices her opinion that fiction holds no value. Celestia, ever the mischievous and cryptic teacher, responds by asking Twilight a favor: go to the Royal Library and retrieve a book with no title. This proves harder than Twilight imagined.
This is apparently a crossover with Terry Pratchet’s Discworld universe, and written shortly after the author’s death. Having not read anything by Pratchet, the nature of the crossover is lost on me aside from the fact that one character shows up, a character that will come completely out of nowhere if you don’t get the context. Really, the fact that the character shows up may be the primary point of the whole story.
WTF-ery aside, the story is fine. Twilight’s situation once she gets deep enough into the library is nicely written, coming off serious but not too much so, and the arrival of… ahem, the character is more than a little surprising if you’re not in the know. But it all reads well, with no technical issues to speak of, so I’m fine with being out of the loop.
What you’ll get out of this when you don’t know anything about Discworld, I couldn’t say. But I suspect fans will enjoy it quite a lot, so I’m willing to put it on the middle ground.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Cutie Mark Allocation Agency — WHYRTY?
The Keepers of Discord — WHYRTY?
Interview With a Princess — Pretty Good
To Walk Unseen
11,719 Words
By NaiadSagaIotaOar
Wallflower Blush finally has friendship, but there’s still one thing missing in her life: belonging. All her friends have magic. She does not, not since she lost the Memory Stone. But there’s someone out there who can change that. Willingly. Happily. Wallflower only needs to play along…
You know, you would think I’d be bothered by vampires. I’ve got this thing about blood draining. It makes giving blood a struggle, be it for tests or for donating, and ticks are the one bug I can’t tolerate. But vampires? Yeah, never scared me. Not even remotely. Which, again, is kind of odd, but also makes me roll my eyes when I see horror movies about vampires. Any time I find out the big, bad, scary monster of a story is a vampire I expect to be underwhelmed.
Leave it to NaiadSagaIotaOar to find a way to make a vampire frightening for me.
Here we discover that human-world Chrysalis is a vampire, and she’s decided to make Wallflower Blush one as well. You might immediately wonder why. It takes a while to get to the reason, but when you learn what the reason is you also realize there’s a reason it took so long for Chrysalis to admit it. In the end, it’s not that Chrysalis is a vampire that makes her so scary, it’s what she does as a vampire.
This is a story about manipulation, brainwashing, and a creeping accustomization to being a tool. We watch as Chrysalis steadily steers Wallflower into accepting worse and worse decisions via a combination of subtle mind control and grooming. Actually, I’d say that’s the dominant point of the story: grooming. Wallflower is groomed into evil in that nefarious way such that she fails to grasp what she is becoming.
And it. Is. Disturbing.
I do have a few observations. The first is the odd transitioning. At the start of the story there are scene breaks that have no breaks in the first place. You read one sentence, then read another and suddenly you’re in a whole new place, setting, and situation. I had all sorts of questions. Naiad generally has good formatting, so what’s going on here? But then the second half of the story comes up and all the transitions have line breaks as normal. Did Naiad simply not put the line breaks before by accident?
Or are the lack of line breaks in the previous scenes intentional identifiers? It could be that Chrysalis had to use more powerful mind control on Wallflower at the start to get her to obey, and the sudden scene shifts are indicative of Wallflower’s own skipping awareness of what she’s doing and when.
I’m not 100% confident about this, and it’s not the only thing. There’s one early scene where Chrysalis starts off sitting on top of her own desk, legs crossed and talking to Wallflower, but then, without warning or explanation, she’s sitting properly in her chair and leaning on the desk. I noticed immediately and thought Naiad had made some mistake. But what if it’s not a mistake? We’re seeing things from Wallflower’s perspective. Did she lose time and not even notice?
And all of this leads up to the Big One, at least in my eyes. There’s a scene where Wallflower is talking to Fluttershy. It cuts off, and then Wallflower is with Chrysalis, explaining how the conversation went. Apparently, it went badly. Except we weren’t allowed to see the full conversation. My alarm bells were ringing, especially when Wallflower meets her friends again and expects them to be judging and mean and… they… aren’t.
I’ve read enough NaiadSagaIotaOar works to know that they aren’t new to this game. Maybe some of these things are genuine mistakes, but I don’t think they are. I think Naiad used the narrative style and the missing material to say just as much as the narrative does… or doesn’t, I suppose. And if that’s the case then I wholeheartedly approve.
Damn, I wish I’d read this for Halloween.
Assuming I’m right about all this, I’d call To Walk Unseen excellent on a technical level, and the story’s no slouch either. It gets extra kudos for being one of the few times I’ve seen a story about a vampire that genuinely disturbed me, although I must again note that it’s not the ‘vampire’ part in and of itself that did so. It’s a slow build towards a dark and frightening conclusion, made all the worse by the ambiguous ending.
If you’re into dark fics, it would be a crime to miss this.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Lost in Paradise — WHYRTY?
Who We Are in the Dark — WHYRTY?
Requiem — Pretty Good
For Eelsies — Pretty Good
Accidental Matchmaking — Pretty Good
Entry #649
9,849 Words
By KitsuneRisu
Princess Twilight arrives at the home of a much older Rarity, now living as an isolated writer in some coastal town. Twilight is on the hunt for something mysterious, something impossible to describe, and she has an object to show her the way. Rarity doesn’t understand any of it, but she’s willing to accommodate her old friend. That proves a grave mistake…
A Weird Tale with strong Lovecraftian impressions, this story is told in the form of Rarity’s private journal as she becomes tangled in the mess Twilight has uncovered. The story takes the whole “unanswered questions” bit to its furthest extremes, making it impossible to understand anything whatsoever about what our dear Rarity is facing.
It gets the atmosphere right, but honestly? This is a little too indirect for my tastes. I like Weird Tales more than most people, and yet this one leaves us grasping at straws more than most. It doesn’t help that all the images KitsuneRisu attempted to use in the story are broken, thus removing potential context in what are undoubtedly critical moments.
There is a sequel, however, and I intend to read said sequel. With any luck it will provide more context clues as to what is really going on here.
This might work for someone seeking the spooky or Lovecraftian stuff, but when it comes to general audiences I’m not so sure. I’ll put it on the middle ground, with the heavy caveat that the Need to Know crowd should steer clear.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Incandescent Brilliance — WHYRTY?
Two Tiny Talks — WHYRTY?
Tarnish — Pretty Good
Bonus Review: Star Overhead Volume 3
189 Pages
By Zachary Nieves (AKA KorenCZ11)
Teenager Amethyst Treasure has a problem. Her father and little sister live in the capital city of Virtuoso. Her mother lives in the tiny backwater of Downbeat. Her father is doting and generous, but struggling. Her mother is never home, but gives her everything money can buy. But Amethyst doesn’t want everything money can buy. She just wants to know why her family – and her life – fell apart all those years ago.
For those of you who haven’t read my previous review on this series, Star Overhead is KorenCZ11’s ongoing attempt to originalficate his particularly good MLPxFLCL crossover of the same name. But it’s not just a straight one-to-one alteration; it’s a complete rewrite, making the story longer and changing things up a bit to allow more worldbuilding, more character growth, more everything. Each book centers around a character, the first being about Dawn (Not-Twilight) and the second about Rebecca (Not-Rainbow Dash). The third, as you can no doubt guess by the cover, is about Amethyst, AKA Not-Rarity. All the stories are interlaced around the interventions of a giantess named Solei (Not-Celestia) and her manipulations.
For the purposes of this book, we center on Amethyst and her drive to find out why her parents divorced. It’s also about Amethyst herself, as these things tend to be, and the anger steadily growing within her. While that’s going on we’ve got subplots mostly involving Solei, who spends the story offering what might be deemed motherly advice to a girl who tends to lack that nowadays. But Solei is unpredictable and dangerous, even for those who might be deemed her allies. Getting involved with the woman may be more than Amethyst can handle.
That’s the funny thing about this story. Solei always has a prominent role, and it’s hard to tell if she’s meant to be a protagonist or an antagonist. It’s obvious she has some ulterior motive, and she’s hinting at it more and more here. Having read the FIMFiction version, I’m pretty sure I know what she’s really up to, but I still appreciate the way Zachary is going about it.
This story has more of many things compared to its predecessor. More worldbuilding. More exploration of our characters through their relationships. More peeks behind certain curtains some characters would rather nobody peek behind. The last story focused a lot on exploring how magic works in this world; this one sets that aside in favor of looking at things like geography and who our future major characters are.
Given that this is essentially Rarity and Zachary’s character work is one of their strengths, I love her characterization. I especially enjoyed her interactions with Jacklyn (Not-Applejack), which is… I guess tsundere would be a good term? There’s a running gag where Jacklyn keeps questioning why they’re such good friends. There’s also some hints in there about the problems said friends are facing, such as how Jacklyn regularly pricks Amethyst over how she at least still has parents to fret over, or Poppie (Not-Pinkie) and her unwillingness to participate in group activities (to simplify the matter), or Shyanne’s (Not-Fluttershy) secret hentai artist alter ego. All foreshadowing for what’s to come, I’m sure.
I think my only concern at this point is age. Amethyst states her age at one point. Thirteen? Fourteen? I can’t recall exactly which. That’s not the age I’d give the girl we’re seeing in that cover art, nor to any of the girls as presented in-story. I would have thought sixteen or seventeen. Everyone seems a bit too mature for their stated ages. I suppose that’s easy to overlook if you don’t think about it too much. The fact that this story is, in some ways, metaphorical for the trials of puberty (as I interpret it) does support the stated ages and the events as presented. As does the way the girls all seem more confused about the world around them than anything else, struggling to comprehend the behavior of the adults in the room and trying to take on responsibilities they aren’t quite prepared for.
Even so, this story continues to fascinate me, despite having a good idea of where it’s all going thanks to my awareness of its influences. I’ve already ordered Volume 4, so you can expect a further review on that later. The character work and worldbuilding are great, the writing effective, the plot curious. I’m definitely looking forward to the next step, not least since I expect the stakes to start growing.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Stories for Next Time:
Making Do by Lurks-no-More
Travelers Tales: The Apple Of My Eye by Slippin_Sweetie
The Bounce Test by Estee
Morningstar by Reviewfilly
Grounded by KorenCZ11
Level with Me by Sage of the Leaf
The Fallacy Of Epiphany by RazgrizS57
Railroad Seven-Three by Defoloce
Frame of Reference by Minds Eye
Fallout: Equestria by Kkat
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I'm just going to put that idea in my back pocket if you don't mind.
I had a very similar "welp, gotta use up my annual leave" scare too, not least because policy changed recently and we can no longer carry it over. I managed to wrangle carrying over two, due to the work I have to do, but the end result is, I'm using like 12 days in the month, and between weekends and national holidays, will only work seven days in December. Freaky.
I do intend to use some of that for writing, though chances are it will mostly be for my Jinglemas story this year, as well as some editing work. A bit on my own fics too, but it's not as high on the priority list, alas.
With We're Trapped in Stone, and We Must Scream, I didn't have as big a hang-up on the trio being left alone – in fact, I didn't get the impression they were alone in the literal "no one goes into that field way", just that the passes of time made it feel that way. I'm still a hard sell with these kind of "Legion of Doom's time in the statue fics", so this one doing a decent amount different and well got it to Decent, but no further.
Sunny Skies All Day Long is, for sure, a victim of its own success: being the fandom codifier for "Celestia turns into a non-alicorn to have fun incognito", obviously all the successors that properly dig into that concept, or mine better comedy out of it, do kind of make the original mostly a curio these days. It's a readable curio for sure, unlike a lot of other fanon trend-setters (though Present Perfect would for sure disagree, hating the fic with an undying passion), so Worth It feels about right. If I reread it, it's be a Decent or Passable. Not that there's a need, with its 108K views – it even outstrips Scribbler's reading of it, and not by a small margin either. How often does that happen?!?
Also, the fic may be dated to April 2012, but I'm pretty sure it predates that wherever it was originally published (even if, unlike most fics it doesn't state so in the long description). That the author showed up here, published three fics the next day, and never published another story again, does rather support this.
Yeah, I've thought about that aspect since I wrote the story and you're absolutely right. It would have made much more sense to have them be placed in the garden or such; and have their discovery be from Sunny and Izzy exploring the ruins of Canterlot. I've considered editing it, but would require quite a bit rewriting and at this point in time, it doesn't seem worth it.
Regardless, thanks for the review.
Should you review any of my other stories, I hope they'll be a bit more satisfying. 
wowza, thank u so much for the review! im glad u seemed to enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it :) perhaps the “evil-lili” typos are a bit on the nose for leaving u with such an ending, but ill take it :P
to address ur one point of pause, the parentheses are probably a bit of programmer brain leaking through lol—it’s something that’s in pretty much all of my writing, not just this fic. i like using them to refer to little asides more than full section breaks, even if it’s breaking some unwritten grammatical rule, since to me it reads differently and feels more connected. definitely more experimental tho, as u said ^^
also, congrats on reaching the 50k goal for the month w guppy love! ive been resisting the urge to reread so i can make sure to approach the original version with fresh eyes, whenever that ends up happening. super excited for it!
THE ETERNAL STRUGGLE IS REAL!!!!
but at least my progress has been trending in the right direction
Hoboy...Sunny Skies. Now that's a blast from the past.
Yeah, but considering I'm currently a little over a third of the way through Prey and a Lamb right now, I feel I'd be cheating myself anyways if I jumped into it at the moment. Definitely going to be going to it next once that's over because I'm enjoying this.
Something About Midnights has my attention just from the cover art. Into the shelf it goes.
...Huh. Apparently I already read through Entry #649 a few years ago and left a whole bunch of comments but I have no memory of ever doing so. That's...kinda awkward.
Looking forward to the FoE review next week.
We are gathered here today to pay advance respects to Paul Asaran, who on the 14th of December was trampled to death by a horde of angry FoE readers for not having done anything which Bethesda didn't already do...
Hoo boy.
Oh man, Something About Midnights sounds like a treat! 👀
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What did Bethesda do this time?
"Something about Midnights" is real good.
"Sunny Skies" is one of those trailblazer fics that became rightfully beloved for giving our wide-eyed S1-2 selves a little more time in precious Equestria and setting the ground for fics to come, but if it came out today the reviews and attention would be limited. Imagine a modern one-shot story earning eight-HUNDRED comments and nine-THOUSAND likes, it boggles the mind and is very much a relic from 2012. Like many such trailblazers, it is worth appreciating for what it revealed more than the story itself. Not that an 8k slice-of-life trip back to Equestria is a bad use of time in any case, most of all for being one of the first to humanize and tackle Celestia's character.
Like Mike implied, Sunny Skies was an immigrant held over from the Google Docs times, making it even more dated. Was originally written only a few days after A Bird in the Hoof first aired.
With it being pre- even season 1 wrapping up, I think its popularity is a bit more understandable: its concept wasn't just novel at the time, pony fic in general was new and novel and wacky. I have to say, though, its milestone nature is really the only memorable thing about it.
And maybe that it aged pretty well, like you said. I wouldn't say it aged perfectly, as I remember Luna feeling distinctly un-Luna, especially in speech. But the premiere was all they had to go off in those days. True sign of a relic.
I suppose there's charm in capturing an innocent halcyon days season 1 type vibe as well, before we all started experimenting with apocalypses and gore and shipping galore. And I'd never go back, but it's good to remember where we came from.
So, about "The Stars Have Eyes."
Normally, when you review a non-MLP/non-EqG story, you put it last and explicitly say that's what it is. The fact that you didn't here leads me to believe it actually is a pony story. But there's nothing in your description of it to make me think it is, and it being posted on a general fiction site adds another wrinkle (and to be fair, there are plenty of MLP fics on general fiction sites). So I have to ask: is this a pony story? If so, how does that play into the plot?
Somewhat fittingly, To Walk Unseen is a story I just don't find myself thinking about very often at all. The characters featured in it aren't ones I'm normally so interested in, it's always felt like a really out-there premise to me, and there just weren't that many people who read it. It certainly doesn't come to mind as one of my particularly good ones, which makes it especially nice when someone else really likes it. The concept of getting my story reviewed positively isn't nearly as exciting to me as it used to be, but this one actually did make me very happy, so thanks for sharing it.
well, you know, death of the author, differing interpretations, subjective or whatever but I find this perspective entirely preposterous
That was unexpected. Glad to see you got to it though, since Volume 6 should have its rough draft done this month. Which reminds me that I need to pay for cover art soon. My broke Japanese elementary school teacher ass will never financially recover from this.
What's funny about this is that, now that I do spend about 8 hours a week around 11/12 year olds (Japanese elementary goes up to 6th grade and I have 8 classes a week) I feel like my depiction of the girls here is a lot more accurate now than I initially did. What you don't realize when you don't spend time around them is how kids that age really act. I find that in most kids, the maturity level is incredibly different from 5th to 6th grade and it's hard to believe that this set of kids is only a year younger than the other.
The general age in Star Overhead is 13 with Dawn being the oldest of the cast. I had a particularly awful experience where I was helping a group with an english contest, and one literally started crying because her friend told her she sucked, to her face, while we were practicing. But then there was also the more studious girl who asked me for an audio recording of the speech I wrote for her to practice with. Because it's all modeled after anime, I think I really did manage to capture the 'middle school girl' well, even though I also had my doubts about this while writing the story. Jacklyn being the exception, but that's explained in Volume 5. Though, given the nature of the book, they're all probably a bit more introspective than most girls their age. What can ya do.
I feel this, so much. I get a lot of work done here at the school after classes are over, and when I get home, focusing is just impossible. Too many easy distractions. Only managed to get half way to the NaNoWriMo goal this month, and I don't know that a few weeks off in December can get me to catch up, especially if I finish Volume 6 during or before that.
I actually own a physical copy of this that I've still not read, so this should be fun.
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The company policy is changing for us this year too, and we had to get our vacation times scheduled early because the higher ups suspected not doing so would make the system screw up our times. Company policy for us was to take sick leave and vacation and roll them into one bucket. In other words, they gave us extra vacation days and said "save some of them for when you're sick".
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I never recommend editing an existing story to fix things like this. My preference to keep our mistakes around so we can remember and learn from them.
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Hah! I didn't even notice those until you spoke up. I could go back and fix them, but they amuse me. Plus then you'd have a comment pointing to errors that no longer exist, and I'd hate to rob it of meaning like that.
And thank you for the compliment! I've got a couple chapters left of the rough draft, and then I'll need to go through the whole thing for some plot review (I'm confident I created some plot holes thanks to how long it took to get this far) and minor touch-ups. Not sure how long that bit will take, but the (arguably) hard part is almost over.
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I definitely wouldn't read The Wool we Weave until after finishing the original story. People going in blind might not catch some things, but all the stories are set after the original and so you'll be spoiled on things by context alone. Prey and a Lamb is not a story to be spoiled.
You just described probably 3/4ths of my read library, so imagine how I feel.
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This will be my second time reviewing it, so I guess this means they're getting a second chance at it.
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I certainly thought so!
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I suppose we can chalk that up as an oversight on my part, because no, The Stars Have Eyes is completely unrelated to pony. I considered declining the request on those grounds, but then realized I'd already accepted review requests for original fiction in the past so I had no reason to do so.
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I know exactly how that feels. Sometimes I'll go browsing my published stories and find a few where I'm like "Oh, right, I wrote that." Some of them used to be among my favorites.
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Huh. Well, I suppose I'll find out in a few years, given that some of my nieces and nephews will be getting there eventually (or far too quickly, depending on who you ask). I enjoyed the story regardless, so there is that.
I would like to own a physical copy someday, especially now with this re-read (which I'm still going through as of this comment). I had forgotten so much!
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I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I look forward to your comments on Volume 4. It's about 30K longer than Volume 3 and there is a whole lot in there.
Hope for a good roll because there are all kinds. I picked out a few who remind me of the girls in my books a lot which helps make them more real in my head, but that also means that the worse traits are true too. So yeah, good luck.
It's only nice if you're just reading and not trying to reference something. I have physical copies of all my Star Overhead volumes, but word search is so, so very nice to have. I used to keep the books next to my PC while I was working, but alt + tab, ctrl + f is just so much faster.
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Probably also kinda awkward, I imagine.
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My thoughts exactly. One thing to polish a story; another to totally revise it.