Paul's Thursday Reviews CXCIII · 10:24pm Feb 6th, 2020
Next week beings that horror of horrors, the source of my nightmares: a Vacation Week. A whole week with no required reading whatsoever. The very thought gives me chills. What will I do with myself without my daily dose of horsewords? I could suffer withdrawal!
But in all seriousness, reading for reviews has become so ingrained in my daily life that when I don’t have to do it I find myself growing bored. It’s because of things like that I wonder if I’ll ever stop writing these blogs. It's also why I fully expect to someday start doing them for original fiction. That’s still a long ways away, as it depends largely on getting my RiL down to manageable levels. But I’m doing great in that regard! When I first started paying attention and limiting how much I add for later reading, I had close to 700 stories in my combined lists. Today that number is just over 300. Who knows, maybe by this time next year I’ll finally be ready to start that original fiction blog.
But that won’t happen unless I produce more reviews. Dumb vacation week. Dumb me, needing it so I don’t burn out. But I’ve experienced burnout before, that’s why I started these things.
Enough whining. Reviews!
Stories for This Week:
Raising of the Twilight by Bakmah Genesis
The Yo Mama Mandate by FrontSevens
A Fact for Twilight by bookplayer
Seven Year Twitch by Scarheart
Twilight's first fan by Neff
Happily Ever After by Nicknack
For Eelsies by NaiadSagaIotaOar
A Nightmare Before The Night [CYOA] by Selbi
Science Fare by totallynotabrony
The Queen's Secret Crush by Monochromatic
Total Word Count: 52,397
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 7
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
Raising of the Twilight
3,657 Words
By Bakmah Genesis
Whoa. I, uh, wasn’t expecting this to be trigger bait.
Princess Twilight Sparkle decides to visit the Crystal Library to do research on the Empire’s history. You know, the kind of thing normal ponies do when on vacation. But then she discovers a small book with a picture of Cadance’s grandmother… and it’s Twilight herself. This calls for answers, and only Celestia and Luna have them.
Okay, let’s get it out of the way: this is a story about Twilight Sparkle being the incestuous lovechild of Celestia and Luna. This is why I call it trigger bait, and I’m honestly surprised this doesn’t have more downvotes than it does just because of that. Getting into this story at all will require readers to get over this little hurdle.
Had this controversial subject been handled with competence and an awareness of the underlying issues, I’d have been impressed. There are two problems. The first is the fact that this is nothing but a “here’s an idea, story over” type. Celestia reveals the truth to Twilight, complete with some ancient history relating to Sombra’s return, and that’s the end of things. Seeing as it makes no effort whatsoever to address the consequences (or the elephant in the room), I am disappointed.
The second issue is the author’s lack of literary chops. I thought that title was meant to be some kind of creative meaning or special way of looking at things, but no; Bakmah Genesis is just that bad at words. Sentences are overly long and complicated, made all the worse be regularly skipping words and/or writing the wrong words. There’s not much in the way of grammar here. It has just enough coherence that you usually know what the author meant to say, but I often had to stop and reread the same sentence two or three times before I figured out what it was supposed to mean.
This author tried to tackle a complicated and hard-to-sell concept, and I can appreciate that. They just didn’t have the literary ability to pull it off. That this is Bakmah Genesis’s 36th story in four years isn’t encouraging; these are issues that should have been resolved long ago. Maybe if the author had a better grasp of grammar (or a proofreader) and this story was more than just “here’s an idea, story over”, this could have been great. As it is?
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The Yo Mama Mandate
2,050 Words
By FrontSevens
Alternative Title: Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie Seal Equestria’s Doom
When Twilight learns that Pinkie Pie intends to ask Celestia to repeal the “Yo Mama Mandate”, she promptly drops everything to try and convince her friend to abandon the issue. After all, Yo Mama jokes have been banned since before Luna’s exile, and they’re so mean! But Pinkie is determined, so Twilight goes with her in the hopes of mitigating the coming catastrophe.
This is every bit as silly as you’d expect, and comes with a surprise ending you absolutely won’t see coming. My favorite bit is how it’s written as if being told in an official historical record, complete with source references. Like so:
Experts still debate to this day whether it was Twilight who sat opposite Pinkie or Pinkie who sat opposite Twilight. Until more evidence is brought forward, the reader is encouraged to decide for themselves for the sake of imagining the discussion.
I love this. It’s quirky and different and fun, and also speaks loads about what happened to Equestria on the whole after the events of the story come to pass.
I don’t usually go in for stories of this nature, but FrontSevens hit all the right marks for me. By all means, read it if you’re interested in having a little Pinkie-based entertainment.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
A Fact for Twilight
5,103 Words
By bookplayer
Applejack comes by the Golden Oaks library to ask, in the most direct way possible, if Twilight will go on a date with her. The only logical reaction to this? Twilighting. Twilighting hard.
This is a sweet little story that comes in two parts. First, Twilight twilighting and then trying to ‘study’ the concept of dating. As Twilight does. Then, actually deciding to give the idea a go and have a trial date with AJ. It’s simple in its method and realistic in its manner, which is kinda the point.
The only thing in the story that surprised me was Rarity’s reaction to Twilight asking her about dating Applejack. There were many possible directions bookplayer could have taken that scene, but the one they chose threw me off guard. But again, this story seems more interested in realism than anything, and the route they chose does make sense, so it’s not a bad thing at all.
I enjoyed myself. Shippers in general will like this, methinks, and it does a good job of justifying the relationship’s potential. Even if you’re not into romances much, I’d recommend giving it a try as it doesn’t go over the top with its methods and narrative. It’s a straight-up, honest story, and that’s all it needed to be. Well done once again, author.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The AppleDash Project — WHYRTY?
Dubious Enchantment — Pretty Good
In the Service of The Princess of Friendship — Worth It
Sleepless in St. Maretinique — Needs Work
Seven Year Twitch
5,658 Words
By Scarheart
Time and time again, Hasbro has insulted Princess Celestia. She’s been depowered and beaten and generally made to look incompetent in everything except giving sound advice. And she’s put up with it for six long years with the self-assurance that someday she’d get her due. So when Hasbro sends the official list of upcoming Season Seven Episodes, she just knows one of them will finally star her.
But no. Her hopes have been crushed. Again. It’s time to go Solar Flare on some Hasbro execs. Or it would be if Celestia had even an ounce of villainy in her giant body.
This was a treat. We get to watch Celestia have a meltdown over the simple fact that Hasbro still refused to give her an episode. The resulting attempts to persuade certain Hasbro employees to change this are… amusing.
This was great fun at The Mare’s expense. My only regret is that we’re not seeing a sequel to get her reaction to the Season 8 list. If you want to have some good ol’ “pony interacts with real world” entertainment, you can’t go wrong here.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Twilight's first fan
7,973 Words
By Neff
The Castle of Friendship is having it’s first open house, allowing families and fans to tour it and meet the Element Bearers. One nameless, excitable little filly has been dreaming of this opportunity for a long time.
I was wary of this one at first, largely because of the improperly capitalized title. That kind of stuff leaves a pretty bad impression. But as I dove in, I found the whole thing to be quite charming. It’s almost entirely about the little filly as she coincidentally meets each of the Mane 6 one at a time, getting more and more excited with each one. On a related note, the mental image of a filly hanging from Fluttershy’s mane like an accessory just makes me grin.
100% fluffy slice-of-life, this will do well for readers who just want a feel-good story about a filly meeting her heroes. It’s made all the better by strong characterization. While I wouldn’t call it “show-like”, which was the author’s intention, it’s still a pleasant read for brightening your day.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Happily Ever After
2,048 Words
By Nicknack
In this curious, sad story, we watch as Pinkie cleans up after her 1,000th party. It starts off with her being the Pinkie we all know and (presumably) love, but as her cleanup work continues things gradually become more and more sombre. We soon learn Nicknack’s version of why Pinkie left the rock farm and how, deep down, she’s not really as happy as she wants ponies to think.
I’m not sure how to feel about this one. It’s familiar ground, so familiar that I’m tempted to cut it down for the obvious premise of “Pinkie is secretly miserable”. At the same time, Nicknack does a pretty good job of presenting the concept, with a writing style that is appropriately atmospheric and descriptive. The gradual descent of Pinkie’s mood from what we know to the reality is very well done, the entire tone of the story shifting with just as much slow smoothness as Pinkie’s thoughts.
It could have done without the fourth wall breaks, though. It would be different if they served some sort of purpose for the overarching story, but in this case all they did was distract from the mood.
I think I’ll put this on the middle ground. Wall breaks aside, it’s got a great narrative skill but is hindered by having an obvious premise and not bringing anything new to the idea.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Dusk-Lit Waltz — WHYRTY?
Taking Care of Animals — WHYRTY?
Heart of Gold, Feathers of Steel — Pretty Good
Summer Days — Pretty Good
For Eelsies
2,255 Words
By NaiadSagaIotaOar
I am partially responsible for this. As such, I had no choice but to read it.
Rarity is called to the Dazzlings’ home, where Aria informs her of the grim circumstances: Adagio has somehow been turned into an eel and disappeared into the ocean. Rarity, totally for friendship and not for selfish, fashion-related purposes at all, decides to head out there and get to the bottom of this situation.
I can’t stop smiling. This is a pun-filled romp of nonsense involving eldritch artifacts, a distinct lack of shock, tons of narrative wit, and more eels than you can shake a fashionable stick at, all culminating in a feghoot-ish ending. I love how Rarity goes through all of this with a sort of blasé “nothing surprises me anymore” attitude and solves the problem – well, in a sense – without so much as smearing her makeup. I am highly entertained.
This is a bit of silly that I am proud to say I helped inspire. Dive in for some nonsensical fun, if you dare.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Lost in Paradise — WHYRTY?
Who We Are in the Dark — WHYRTY?
Requiem — Pretty Good
A Nightmare Before The Night [CYOA]
15,529 Words
By Selbi
Twilight Sparkle is always prepared. So when she’s tasked with creating the fireworks for the coming Nightmare Night celebration, she of course had them made weeks in advance. She also put them in a safe so magically secure and foolproof even she couldn’t get into it without the key. So of course, when Mayor Mare asks for the fireworks early, said key is missing.
No, that CYOA does not stand for “Cover Your Own Ass”. It’s for “Choose Your Own Adventure”, which is exactly what this is. I’m usually wary of these kinds of stories for review purposes as scheduling them is borderline impossible, but this one was short enough to let me devote a day to it. And I was very willing to do so; having always wanted to write one myself, but knowing my ambitions for such a thing are far too high, I’m always interested in seeing how others do with it.
And Selbi did well. The story is slice-of-life in nature and revolves entirely around the reader making Twilight’s decisions in seeking out the key that will open the safe. Along the way we meet a lot of ponies acting out of character, from loan shark fillies to revenge-driven nut-sellers and even including serious consequences for disobedience. It’s a fun ride with a roundabout solution. By the time I finally got to the good ending I’d gone through all but 10 of the story’s chapters and had a lot of fun in the process.
This is not to be taken seriously at all, and I’m fine with that. Having a hand in what torments Twilight will undergo before the story is over makes the weird behavior and even weirder results well worth it. By all means, give this a try and see if you can’t turn Twilight into a blubbering madpony.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Twilight has Writer’s Block — Pretty Good
You Cannot Give Up Again — Pretty Good
Science Fare
5,338 Words
By totallynotabrony
Requested by Shrink Laureate
Octavia is asked by a pre-School of Friendship Cozy Glow to assist her with the upcoming science fair at Cheerilee’s school. Berry Punch is asked by her sister Cheerilee, who she’s freeloading off of, to help with the same science fair. This would all be fine if Octavia and Berry didn’t have… history. But as it turns out, Berry may be in exactly the right place at exactly the right time. As usual.
This story offers an interesting idea for Berry’s special talent; specifically, that she’s very lucky in life. That makes more sense in context. Anyway, the story ends up being largely about Berry Punch’s unique talent for unintentionally having fate work exactly in the right way for the best possible solution. In this case, that means seeing a reason to ensure Cozy goes to Twilight’s School when it opens later. What, you think that sounds bad? Well, it might seem that way, but look at the end result.
The only real catch to the story is that, as an entry in a Bingo Contest, it has to put a bunch of disparate things together that don’t really need to be. Some of them work well, such as how Scootaloo’s science project led to an unexpected but interesting conclusion. Octavia is the problem for me; she seems to have a big role in the story, but in the end it felt like she was just there to be there, rather than having any sort of significant purpose for the story itself. I can’t help but think the story would have been improved if it had stuck strictly to Berry’s perspective instead of making Octavia seem so important without providing anything for all that buildup in relation to her.
Still, for what totallynotabrony had to work with, this is very well done. Interesting characters, good use of all the required elements, an uncommon idea behind Berry Punch. I can see why it did so well in the contest.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The Queen's Secret Crush
2,786 Words
By Monochromatic
Prequel (?) to The Princess's Choice
When Queen Rarity rejects yet another suitor, Princess Sweetie Belle takes it upon herself to learn exactly who it is the queen has a crush on. Maybe Rarity’s personal bodyguard, Twilight Sparkle, can help with that.
Why is The Princess’s Choice listed as a sequel to The Queen’s Secret Crush when they happen chronologically in the opposite order that suggests? I guess because Mono wrote this one first. That doesn’t make much sense to me, but whatever rocks Mono’s cute little boat, I suppose.
Anyway, this story is 100% fluff, centered almost entirely around Sweetie trying to guess who Rarity is crushing on even as Rarity and Twilight do their absolute best to make it obvious via constant teasing of one another’s quirks. If that sounds up your ally (and if it’s not, what’s wrong with you?), then have at it. But do keep in mind that this is an AU in which Equestria is divided into many smaller nations and Rarity is the queen of Unicornia. Not that big an issue, really. Although I’d love to see a story in this AU where we get to watch Rarity and Twilight do some royal duties or even go on an adventure, if only for the worldbuilding. I mean, why make a new universe and not explore it?
A pleasant piece of cute just for the sake of the cute. A little narrow in focus, but the target audience won’t mind at all. I sure don’t.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Enchanted Library — WHYRTY?
The Princess's Choice — Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
Anno Domini by chrumsum
I Love Ya to the Core by DisneyFanatic23
Dense as Diamonds by River Road
Forever is Forever by Fon Shaolin
The King and the Changeling by Impossible Numbers
Sentient by ExoDemonG
Destiny Calls or Filthy Rich Slips into the Stream of Consciousness by MisterNick
A Long Time Coming by DivinePanzer
In and Out of Phase by Grand_Moff_Pony
Seven Scrolls For Discord by Lise
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Paul's Thursday Reviews CXCVIII
A vacation week? Just in time for LTUE and the launch of A Dragon and Her Girl?
Good timing ...
Seriously though, take the vacation week. Don't run faster than you have strength, to paraphrase an old bit of wisdom. Keep the mind healthy and hearty. And enjoy that break!
The last and most substantial Fire Emblem: Three Houses DLC pack comes out next week. That's what I'm gonna be doing, at least.
I'm a little surprised Lost Time isn't among the bookplayer ones you've read, I'd definitely recommend that one
Eels!
Read a book? I dunno. Or you could watch an anime. I have recommendations for a few short ones.
Thanks for the review, glad you liked it! I'd been thinking of doing a story based on the artwork before posting about it on Fimfiction, but my ideas had put themselves in a box of "AU where sirens are eels." Which is an adorable but firmly plot-deprived image, so you suggesting that they turn into an eel instead put me on a much more definite track. And more importantly, made me think of the "waifu eeler" line.
Gotta say, of all the things I didn't expect today, getting a review to a story I wrote over 6 years ago is definitely up there. If I may ask, how did you even find it? It's not particularly popular.
In any case, woo, a trilogy of Pretty Goods! They don't call me the man of mediocrity for nothing.
In retrospect, the split perspective of Science Fare was more due to my preference for Octavia over Berry. I'd written Octavia before, but never Berry. I guess by the time Berry had evolved as a character to the point that she was the most interesting part of the story, I didn't want to do Octavia the disservice of cutting her out. Well, and rewriting. Thanks for the review.
Oh shit, Anno Domini and Forever Is Forever? Weighty stories next time!
Truly, you are history's greatest monster. :V
There are actually:
Seven stories so far, I think, in Mono's Bodyguard AU, several of which have some lovely adventuresome bits. They're all great fun.
Mike
Only one I've read is "Seven Year Twitch," and i just didn't care for it. The humor is heavily weighted toward referential, and the jokes simply didn't land with me, though humor is of course a very subjective thing. Obviously some of he references have broken (Celestia actually getting a focus episode, for one), but some were even broken as of the time this was written, iirc.
Is there a sauce for picture?derp wolf am stupid
5198505
Enjoy it? How am I supposed to enjoy it? I have no horsewords!
Actually, I'll be fine. These things are regularly scheduled for a reason. The real benefit to them, what makes them so relaxing, is that I can read what I want to read instead of what I'm scheduled to read.
5198507
If I have any sense at all, I'll use the week as an opportunity to get back ahead on my writing.
...but yeah, I'll probably play video games.
5198523
I'm pretty sure I won't be reading another bookplayer story for a very long time. It's not a matter of want, either. I've got ~370 authors in a list of who's libraries I want to go through more of, and bookplayer, by virtue of just having been reviewed, is practically at the bottom of that list.
So unless I break my own rules or someone specifically requests a review of one of their stories...
5198524
"Read a book", he says. As if I've not been constantly reading every day for the past nine weeks.
Eh, I'll probably play video games. Luna knows I've got a significant enough backlog of them.
5198526
That was a good line. I was very tempted to mention it, but figured that would spoil the fun.
5198535
As a rule of thumb, whenever I read a story by any given author, I put that author on a list so that I can come back to them and read another of their stories. Your turn came up, so here we are.
5198556
As a devoted fan of Best Background Pony, I can understand your unwillingness to cut her from the story.
5198559
Huh. I've never been called a monster before. "Freak", "Geek" and "Weirdo" come to mind, but not monster.
I rather like it.
5198583
And since sequels are always shortlisted, I'll eventually read them all!
5198587
I enjoyed it for what it was at the time is was created. I imagine newer readers wouldn't get as much out of it, though. As for you... well, as you said, humor is subjective.
Or, to be more accurate, humor is objective and some people just have no taste.
5198660
Explore the sauce, for verily it opens the way to that wonderful artists many wonderful works!
5198800
I meant normal, non-mlp books, things you don’t have to read for your blog.
5198831
Wait, hold on. N... Nu... Non-MLP? What is this mysterious concept you speak of? Next thing I know, you're going to be telling me there are physical objects made from the carcasses of dead trees on which people put words using ancient, arcane technologies of a long-forgotten age full of mythological idiocies like telegraphs and steam engines!
5198535
Oh, and also: "Pretty Good" is actually my second highest bookshelf. "Worth It" is the bookshelf of mediocrity.
Maybe I really should change that one. I've been thinking about it for a long time.
Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked it