Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXLI · 8:23pm Oct 5th, 2023
Huh. Is this what it feels like to have a flop? It’s a rather curious experience.
Not that I’m remotely surprised. I haven’t updated the No Heroes AU in years. And even if the latest addition To My Uncle is only 12.5k words long, I imagine most people will just walk away (or perhaps run) when they realize it’s at the tail end of a *does the math* 900k series. Even if I say “you don’t need to read it to get it”, that’s intimidating.
But I’m alright with this. I wasn’t expecting a huge turnout in the first place. Certainly, I expected more than what I got, but it is what it is. What little attention it has earned thus far has been positive, and I chose to be happy with that.
In other news, jury duty begins tomorrow. I’ve been reading ahead on my schedule just to ensure I’d have no reading requirements the day of, although I may be able to read while waiting in the jury selection process. My only real worry is that if I get picked, how much time will I have every day for reading next week? And then there’s the writing, which is already behind this month.
Actually, I’m considering not worrying about my wordcounts this month. I’ve got the jury duty, but I’m also guaranteed to lose three days while visiting my cousins for our Halloween shindig. Just how much time am I going to lose? I’ve never been on jury duty before, I don’t know how long it goes on for daily (though I can’t imagine it goes past the regular 9-5; judges have a life too, y’know). But with all the uncertainty I’m thinking there’s no use being bothered if I don’t hit my wordcount goals for the month.
Ah, that reminds me! My Lovecraft-inspired story is in the hands of a pre-reader. I’m hoping to release it before Halloween (before because the site will be loaded with new material the day of). I’m also working on a short story based on a silly idea I’ve had for years but only just decided to write. It’s experimental and will probably overstay its welcome, but it’s good to finally give it a go.
Last but not least: I’ve decided to follow Pascoite's suggestion and only rate stories when it’s time for these blogs to release. To that end, I’ll be putting stories into a collective “Reviewed” bookshelf from now on, letting the authors know the story is reviewed but said review hasn't been posted yet. Hopefully this will prevent authors whose stories got poorly rated from taking their stories down before the review comes out (which happened last time and a few other times prior to that as well).
That’s all the news I’ve got at the moment. Why don’t we head to the reviews?
Stories for This Week:
Sonata Dusk, Professional Bureaucrat (Changeling Welfare Office) by Mockingbirb
My Little Investigations: The Gemstone Godfather by Metool Bard
Salting Snails by bats
Ravaged by KingdaKa
Please don't do this by Kodeake
The Thrill Of The Hunt by Jessi
A Study in Chartreuse by Serketry
The Pink Side of the Mind by Level Dasher
Children of a Lesser Dragon God Boy Whelp Thingy Guy by The Descendant
Hell on Wheels by SaddlesoapOpera
Total Word Count: 165,972
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 5
Worth It: 5
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
Sonata has a desk job that she absolutely loves! Her clients are quite pleased with the results too.
This silly story takes the natural features of unreformed changelings and sirens and works them together in a way I am honestly shocked I’ve not witnessed before, because it makes so much sense. The story is set after Thorax takes over the hive but operates under the idea that not all changelings reformed (see Pharynx). So Sonata goes to the hive, feeds on these unreformed changelings’ extremely negative emotions to get all powered up, then uses her musical siren magic to ease their suffering and make them happy again. The exact details of how this works (are the changelings producing their own love to feed on as a result of this?) are never explained, but that’s okay, it’s still an interesting idea.
The story takes a few rapid leaps, such as handwaving that the sirens naturally regrew their gemstones. That may give some readers pause. But this is alleviated by the amusement of having Chrysalis as one of Sonata’s clients, Sonata’s idea of paperwork (many crayons are involved), and the implication that Sonata is better at this whole “real world living” stuff than either of her siblings(?).
Short, sweet, and a little goofy. Give it a go if you like watching Sonata be Sonata in a positive way.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
My Little Investigations: The Gemstone Godfather
92,291 Words
By Metool Bard
Sequel to My Little Investigations: The Silent Dirge
Amethyst Star’s day is ruined when she finds the jewelry store she’s apprenticing at violently destroyed. Someone seems to believe she’s loaded with gems and is demanding she hand them over as part of an extortion racket. Together with her little sister, mother, and the Mysterious Mare-Do-Well, she’ll have to find the culprit and stop this madness before it gets any worse.
And we’re back to Metool Bard’s attempt at making a mystery. The stories in this series always involve some crime in need of solving, the main investigator is a pony with no background in investigating things, they are always assisted by Mare-Do-Well, and for some reason some mythical creature from an extra-Equestrian culture has to get involved. In this case, we’ve got an attempted extortionist, the prime suspects are diamond dogs and dragons, and our mythological creatures are the ancient symbols/gods of Chinese astronomy: Suzaku, Byakko, Seiryu, and Genbu, and their eastern dragon master Khoryu.
I’m getting Fushigi Yûgi flashbacks. I’m not sure that’s a good thing.
On the one hand, I dare say that Metool Bard is getting a little better at the whole mystery thing. While I didn’t guess who the villain was, said villain was at least on my radar for once, although it’s notable that the villain was only found with circumstantial evidence. The main character and her helpers are also all still bad at their jobs in a manner that makes me continue to question if Metool Bard really understands how “evidence” works:
Amethyst: “I think you used this tool to commit the crime!”
Suspect: “Impossible. I don’t own that tool.”
Amethyst: “Oh. Well, I guess you’re innocent, then.”
Me: 
Amethyst: “I think you were the one who did this thing!”
Suspect: “Impossible. I was on the other side of the region.”
Amethyst: “Dang. Guess that’s a bust.”
Me: 
How stupid do you have to be to just take the suspect's word every time like this? Some of these things never get confirmed or investigated, it’s just assumed that the suspect is telling the truth for the rest of the story. One piece of “evidence” conjured in this way is even used as “proof” against the real culprit in the end, and nobody thinks to ask “did you actually verify that?”
Point is, a lot of idiot balls are dropped by everybody involved, enough so that’s there’s zero chance this case would hold up in a legitimate court of law. Well, unless you had a really dumb, gullible, biased, and/or bribeable jury.
And then there’s this whole spiel about Amethyst being adopted. Which is like… uh, duh? It’s pretty obvious from the start, but the story treats it as if it’s some important secret and the reveal is a big deal. Which it isn’t. Not even remotely. And I’m really not sure the flashback of how Amethyst came to meet Derpy, Dinky, and Golden Harvest was necessary. Yes, some small details it brought up were important to the mystery in the end, but there are ways to bring that up other than a long tangent that seems to exist for no reason save failing to tug at my heartstrings.
Also, Metool Bard still doesn’t understand that a comma is not an ellipse. I’ve brought that up in past stories and the author is aware of the problem. I only note it now so that potential readers can be aware that it does still exist as of this story.
This next one isn’t a criticism, just an observation: Marble and Limestone Pie appear in this story, but they don’t behave anything whatsoever like Marble and Limestone do in the show. Completely different characters. However, this story was written in 2013/14, and these two weren’t properly introduced to us as characters until the Hearthbreakers episode in 2015. I don’t know if there was evidence of their names prior to the episode’s release, Metool Bard went back and changed their names after the fact, or Metool Bard has future sight. Regardless, I don’t blame them for getting the personalities wrong given the timing (well, maybe except for the future sight option). It just warrants mentioning because I can see some people being miffed by it.
Come to think of it, Metool Bard having future sight would explain a lot, particularly their odd concept of what constitutes hard evidence.
Despite all the issues, I still liked this more than the previous stories. All the suspects are available to us early on, and while it’s never possible for the reader to identify the culprit on their own there are at least some hints. Dinky was great, even if I found it impossible to peg her age, Derpy going into momma bear mode was fun, and the Mysterious Mare-Do-Well had a little something to contribute to the story this time (although I’m not sure why she insists on keeping her only weakness on her person at all times). I also liked how, on the few times she appeared, Princess Twilight clearly had everything under control. It felt awkward at first, but then the ending comes and it suddenly makes sense why she was taking all of this so calmly and patiently. It’s a good look for her.
Really, despite the “mystery” tag these tend to feel more like slice-of-life adventures. But if you’re willing to accept that and roll with it, you might enjoy yourself.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Truth Hurts — Pretty Good
My Little Investigations: Wonderbolts Under Fire — Pretty Good
My Little Investigations: The Silent Dirge — Worth It
Salting Snails
6,925 Words
By bats
Sequel to Twilight Holmes: Sabotage After Sunset
Does this mean there’s a cult of Apple Bloom somewhere?
Apple Bloom is off in Manehattan visiting Babs Seed. That means poor Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are bored. They’re so used to crusading for their cutie marks, but it doesn’t seem fair to do that without their fearless leader. Looking for anything at all to pass the time, they notice Snails and realize they have no idea what his cutie mark is for. Time to be detectives!
Let me just note that I love that bats went with a Rescue Rangers theme for this story, complete with costumes (sorry, disguises) for Sweetie and Scoots. The intro runs a bit long before we get to the point, which is Scootaloo and Sweetie trying to covertly sprinkle salt on Snails to see what might happen.
Well, that’s the surface subject, anyway. In reality it’s just an excuse to get the girls in a number of unusual situations that force them to be intimately aware of… uh, each other. That’s right, it’s a ScootaBelle ship. It’s a little silly (or a lot, I suppose), but hey, the romantics will eat it up, and ScootaBelle isn’t a bad ship by any means.
You might be wondering how this is related to bats’ Twilight Holmes series. It’s… kinda not? It’s in the same continuity, and there’s a hint or two in regards to that, but this is generally a standalone piece that requires no knowledge of what came before. And since every entry is silly in the first place, it’s not like you’re really losing anything. The one thing that unites all three stories is that there’s a “mystery” involved, albeit under a very loose definition of the term.
None of this is bad. In fact, I found this one quite entertaining, even if the forced romantic bits (in that the situations the girls get into are forced, not what they get out of it) are a little silly. I don’t know if the general audience will enjoy it as much as the shippers, but hey, bats clearly knew who they were writing for.
My favorite in the series so far. I’m rather looking forward to the sequel.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Spellbound Fireflies — WHYRTY?
The Thinkin' Spot — Pretty Good
It's Elementary, My Dear Rainbow — Worth It
Twilight Holmes: Sabotage After Sunset — Worth It
Ravaged
1,510 Words
By KingdaKa
Sequel to Living Happily with the Love of Your Life
Cadance’s world is darkness and pain and fatigue. At least her wife is there to keep her steady.
At the end of Living Happily with the Love of Your Life, it is revealed that Cadance has breast cancer. In this short, we get to see a typical day in her route to recovery, after the mastectomy and during the chemo treatment. It largely involves her being sick and tired of being sick and tired, to the point of critical depression, while her wife Sci-Twi tries to help her through it in whatever way she can.
This one is heavy on the moody atmosphere, and was apparently written as something of a vent by the author. Which, hey, no shame in that. It’s not much in terms of being a story – Cadance is miserable, the end – but it does at least shed a certain light on the plight of the afflicted, and I appreciate that element of it. Plus I know it gets better, because I’ve read a story set after this (why KingdaKa didn’t use the sequel feature to indicate chronology, I couldn’t say).
If I had any one criticism, it would be the same one I’ve been saying about this particular series: the whole battle with cancer should have been its own story, as opposed to something started at the tail end of the previous one and, apparently, continued here. But I get that KingdaKa probably wasn’t in the appropriate mindset for such a thing, and this is at least a window into that period.
Nothing amazing, but meaningful in its own way.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Lady No Longer — Pretty Good
I'm Sorry — Pretty Good
Living Happily with the Love of Your Life — Worth It
Please don't do this
1,000 words
By Kodeake
Requested by LH45
Kodeake is a murderer. Try not to let it bother you. After all…
There’s a good chance you are too.
In this brief story, Princess Twilight Sparkle creates a spell that will let her see all that is and understand the truth of her universe. Upon casting it, she is horrified to learn that she is naught but words on a screen, and in less than 1,000 words she won’t exist anymore. Coupled with the sudden memories of a billion billion Twilight Sparkles in a billion billion different stories, she is woefully unprepared to deal with this.
I love that the story creates a fascinating moral quandary: what happens to the characters when the story ends? Do they simply cease to exist? And what if they are aware of this quandary? If the act of reading the story creates the world and the characters in it, does that mean that you’ve effectively killed the characters once you’ve finished reading? To be sure, this isn’t the first time I’ve seen something akin to this idea, and I’ve had it myself multiple times. But this was perhaps the most direct I’ve ever seen it broached, with a panicking Twilight actively counting down the words to her end and begging you, the reader, to stop reading.
Not a new concept by any means, but definitely one of the more effective uses of it I’ve seen, utilizing the short wordcount to great effect. This is easily the best story I’ve yet to read by this author.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Just a Joke — Worth It
Tomorrow — Worth It
Nightmares — Worth It
She Said No — Needs Work
The Thrill Of The Hunt
17,195 Words
By Jessi
Requested by Jessi
Fall has come to the Everfree Forest. It is time once more for the changelings to hunt. This is Chrysalis’s favorite time of year, when she can lead her youngest children in their first ever journey for food and teach them what to do. This year a lone stallion has made his way into the forest, perfect prey for demonstration purposes. He isn’t exactly what Chrysalis expects, however.
This story comes in two parts. The first is Chrysalis, while being watched by her stealthy children, ‘hunting’ the stallion in question. This is not done through overt force but rather by spending a day with him, learning about his interests, and pretending to be a new friend. Curiously, she does this in her natural form instead of a disguise, but it works regardless because, again, this isn’t your typical close-minded pony. For the second half of the story, she’s endeared herself to him enough to convince him to visit the hive, where things descend into pornographic entertainment.
The second half might have made it easy to dismiss this as a pointless sex story. This is alleviated by the first half, which explores how changelings view the world. The whole thing is loaded with all kinds of tidbits regarding how changelings exist as a people, making them out to be the keepers of the Everfree Forest and, in turn, making the forest itself out as a living, arguably sentient entity that reacts to and acts on changes within its environment.
The writing is flowery, albeit never descending into the pointlessly lush depths of purple prose. This was clearly intended to be wordsmithed, and in many ways Jessi succeeded in that regard. The caveat is that it might come off as plodding for the ‘get to the point’ crowd (if you’re only here for the sex, that will definitely include you). I noted a few issues, most not enough to be worth calling out specifically, with the exception of my pet peeve: repetition. Sometimes in his effort to be flowery Jessi ends up saying the same thing twice in rapid succession, either in the form of specific words or contextual meaning. That’s a surefire method to catch my attention in the wrong way. Luckily, it doesn’t happen too often.
I also find the entire premise of the story to be… questionable. Chrysalis constantly demonstrates that her comprehension of pony culture is negligible. She doesn’t know what art is. The stallion has to explain to her the concept of drawing, and beds, and so on. And yet it is stated, clearly, that the changelings get much of their sustenance from a nearby pony town. How is it possible for them to be the apex predators surviving for thousands of years by infiltrating pony settlements to seduce stallions – something Chrysalis claims to be a master at – when the lump sum of their comprehension of the species is “food”? I’m having a hard time buying that Chrysalis is this experienced at manipulating and seducing ponies without her also having developed some comprehension of their culture. Don’t get me wrong, watching Chrysalis discover and come to appreciate certain pony concepts is an interesting and fun idea that Jessi works well. It just doesn’t make any sense in the overarching context of this story.
Ultimately, I am uncertain about where I stand with this. The first half is intriguing in its depiction of changeling culture and Chrysalis in general, with a flowery prose that can be pleasant provided you are patient enough for it. The second half maintains that flowery prose, but is focused almost entirely on the sex scene. It’s a nicely written sex scene, but still just a sex scene. Not really what I’m interested in reviewing.
Also, just a little disappointed that it didn’t end with Chrysalis cocooning the guy because the whole encounter was just how she hunts. “There you go, kids, you’ve seen how I do it. Now go try it out yourselves.” I seriously thought it was going to end that way as a sort of reconfirmation of the title. I think that would have been a much more interesting conclusion than the saccharine “I guess I have a consort now” one we got.
An interesting story regardless, and one I suspect the author worked quite hard on. If you’re looking to explore the nature of changelings, read the first chapter. If you’re just in it for the sex, skip that and read the second one. If you can find value in both elements, then you are no doubt the ideal audience Jessi was going for.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The D.H Postal Company — Worth It
A Study in Chartreuse
4,444 Words
By Serketry
Requested by Serketry
In a quiet art gallery newly opened rests a painting that has a more violent history than most, having been stolen and smuggled and made a trophy of war many times over its six-hundred-year life. Chrysalis wants it. For once, this desire has no nefarious reasons. No, this one is… personal.
This one is set in AdmiralSakai’s Extended Cut universe, of which Serketry acted as co-author, but is intended to stand alone from it. It establishes a bit of Chrysalis’s backstory in this universe, including the changelings’ relationship with ponies in general and the reasoning behind Chrysalis’s personal loathing of Celestia. But more than anything, it cements the queen’s love for her children – some more than others.
To be clear, this is a prep piece: it’s setting the stage for certain inevitable events in the Extended Cut AU, including the kidnapping of Cadance and the Canterlot Invasion. I found it peculiar that the story is set at the same time as Sweet and Elite. This one hasn’t received the Extended Cut treatment yet, and it may not get it at all – this could serve as a replacement, at least in terms of timing. It would be a nice way to not have to write a 69,999-word story around the episode and move on to things the authors care more about.
Also interesting is that Rarity is specified as still singing Becoming Popular. I don’t recall there having been any singing in this AU before. Am I forgetting something? Do ponies in the Extended Cut AU still do song and dance routines and we just haven’t been privy to them? I am very curious to know if Serketry and AdmiralSakai actually intend to do this in more detail later on.
Point is, while this story is centered entirely around Chrysalis and is meant to be its own separate story within the AU, the consequences it has for the AU as a whole are many and fascinating. I strongly suspect that, should the AU ever get to the Canterlot Invasion, the information mentioned in this AU will be skimmed at best since avid readers of both authors’ works will already know everything they need to about Chrysalis and her motivations by that time. That might prove an issue for the unawares readers though.
I really liked this, from its depiction of Chrysalis and changelings in general (which is less evil but still decidedly predatory) to its overarching implications for the AU. Even if unaware of the Extended Cut AU, Chrysalis fans owe it to themselves to give it a read. Who doesn’t want to see more of Best Bug Mom?
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Friendship Is Magic - Extended Cut — WHYRTY? (Co-Author)
Boast Busters - Extended Cut — WHYRTY? (Co-Author)
Feeling Pinkie Keen - Extended Cut — Pretty Good (Co-Author)
Stare Master - Extended Cut — Pretty Good (Co-Author)
Griffon The Brush-Off - Extended Cut — Pretty Good (Co-Author)
The Pink Side of the Mind
4,073 Words
By Level Dasher
Princess Luna, freshly reformed from her stint as Nightmare Moon, is just beginning to get her dreamwalking powers back. She decides to use these powers to explore the minds of Twilight’s friends in hopes of finding pertinent gifts for them this coming Hearth’s Warming. First stop: Pinkie Pie.
Alright, I admit, the first thing I expected was for Pinkie’s dreams to be so wild and silly that an overwhelmed Luna had to be ‘rescued’ by Gummy. Which… does happen, in a sense. But honestly, nothing that happens in Pinkie’s dreams felt especially odd to me, and I don’t see why Luna – the Mistress of Dreams – would be particularly puzzled by them. I mean, weird shit happens in dreams. Oh well, I guess we can sweep all this under the rug of ‘She’s Out of Practice’.
Another curiosity is Gummy, or rather the lack of inquiry into him. I mean, when it’s first discovered Gummy can access Pinkie’s dreams and communicate via telepathy it is quite the shock for our beloved princess. But after that, it’s all Pinkie Pie. Pinkie, Pinkie, Pinkie. I mean, shouldn’t Luna be asking how an alligator can do what Gummy does? Oddly, it’s never brought up after the initial reveal.
None of this is to say the story’s bad. On the contrary, it’s quite entertaining. It’s got Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie, a newly reformed Luna reacting to said Pinkie being Pinkie, and Gummy being… well, Gummy, I suppose. What’s not to enjoy? I recommend going in and not thinking about it too hard. That might just ruin the experience.
I was really hoping it would end with Luna visiting, say, Rarity next and discovering that Opalescence can do the same thing Gummy can. Or Applejack and Winona, or Fluttershy and Angel, you get the idea. This didn’t happen, but that’s okay; the story is amusing enough on its own.
A fun and silly story about Gummy being more than he seems and Pinkie being Pinkie. Jump in and be entertained.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Silly Stories of the Student Six — Worth It
Some time ago, Spike left a copy of his dragon code at the Royal Canterlot Archives. Now a friendly dragon named Kenbroath has discovered and decided to share it with the rest of his kind. What nobody expected was for the dragons to view the Code as holy scripture and its author as a god. Now dozens of dragons have descended upon Ponyville, eager to learn from the Holy One Himself. Nopony in Ponyville is pleased with this.
This wildly silly story follows Spike as he tries to educate the dragons on how to become better people, with (initially) unpredictable results. How unpredictable? Well, we’ve got mountains of flowing noodles, windmills unintentionally made slightly more efficient, bridges that squeak, threats of inevitable plungatory, Rarity swimming in gems, Twilight covered in duck feathers, and a certain prismatic pegasus noping the hell out of dodge. Just to name a few that come to mind.
The humor is divine, if you’ll pardon the pun. The Descendant’s special brand of wit makes it hard not to keep smiling as the story moves along.
Not that there isn’t some important underlying elements. Poor Spike is brought to his wit’s end as he struggles to get the dragons to understand even the bare basics of his philosophy, hindered in no small part by how generally stupid most of the dragons are. But then there’s this final scene, the one that puts it all together, and… It’s actually quite touching. Good show, Spike. Good show, indeed.
I have only two things to point out as negatives, and they’re subjective in nature. The first is that this was written way back in 2013, so the characters’ personalities will still be early-season in nature. This is fine so long as you’re willing to acknowledge and accept the fact. The other potential issue is that the story feels like it goes a little longer than it needs to. I enjoyed every chapter, but halfway through the story I started to question where The Descendant was going with it, if they were going anywhere at all.
It warrants saying that I never felt like this story was trying to intentionally insult the religious. Yes, the dragons approach it in stupid or extreme ways, but at no point did I get the feeling The Descendant was specifically mocking religion in and of itself, especially with that conclusion. A nice touch, IMO.
Overall, this was a fun and silly story that I strongly recommend for its humor alone. It’s always nice to come back to a Descendant story, and this was a great way to revisit the author’s library.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Tangled Up in Blues — WHYRTY?
The Father of My Children — WHYRTY?
The Railway Ponies: Highball — WHYRTY?
Dear Idiot — Pretty Good
Certain Advantages — Pretty Good
Hell on Wheels
5,092 Words
By SaddlesoapOpera
The CMC are visiting Zecora when Scootaloo comes across a certain infamous amulet hidden amongst the zebra’s stuff. For a flightless pegasus filly desperate to escape the ground, its alluring promises are far too good to resist. Now she is tearing across the skies and leaving mayhem and chaos in her wake.
This answers a simple question: what would happen if Scootaloo got her hooves on the Alicorn Amulet? The answer: nothing good. Aside from being a short adventure story, this is largely about Scootaloo’s sense of insecurity and self-defeatism over her inability to fly. The ultimate solution for getting her to take the amulet off is obvious, but I’m perfectly okay with that this time because it is, frankly, the best that the author could have arrived at. And they did a decent job of it too.
Just about the only thing that might be considered a criticism is how the story dives right into the subject without any dallying about with scene setting, transitioning, or basic introductions. We literally start the second after Scootaloo has already put the thing on, and already the race is on. That might be too jarring and uninformative for some readers. Personally I think it’s fine, but I figure it warrants mentioning.
The story is centered around the most common Scootasad topic there is outside of Scootaorphan, but if you like Scootaloo (and if you don’t, what is your magnificent mental malfunction?) in general and want a fast-paced story, you could do far worse than this. Definitely give it a go. Best filly needs it.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
History Repeats — Pretty Good
The Sun Also Sets — Worth It
Stories for Next Time:
The Leap by LoreLove
Déjà Vu by Charles Spratt
The Path by Mortomis Reaper
Heavenly Turmoil by TheManWithTwoNames
I Don't Want to Be a Tree Anymore by Kris Overstreet
Ouija by Knackerman
Pneuma by Flashgen
In Birdsong by themoontonite
Room by AstralMouse
Background Pony by shortskirtsandexplosions
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Well dang! I was super nervous posting my first standalone fic, and I'm still amazed at its reception.
One aspect that I've brought to Extended Cut is the music. This is the first time a pony's sang something from the show itself, but various characters have sang before. In Boast Busters EC, Trixie sings a snippet of Dreamscape's "All the Way to Reino," and you might've spotted Gilda singing "The Chemical Worker's Song" in A Rainbow in Autumn. It's not much, and it does sort of get lost in the 65k+ main fics, but it's been there since FiM EC.
And again, good luck during the selection process tomorrow.
I mean, I tried to like To My Uncle, but it just kinda fell flat for me. I didn't read the No Heroes saga for slice of life fluff with some random filly, I read it to watch Fine Crime be badass and develop his cold heart into a warm one as he interacts with others.
Still alive, still busy with other projects, still planning to return to Extended Cut at some point.
There was a lot of back-and-forth behind the scenes on this story, as Serketry was adding a lot of elements that, at the time, I wasn't comfortable with having in the EC universe. However, seeing you not freak out about them goes a long way to convincing me he was probably right to include them.
Particularly with respect to Becoming Popular, I sort of always imagined it as something Rarity was, here, just idly doing as she walked around, not the full Bollywood-tier musical number it is in the show. Those, I am indeed not a fan of (although Luna's Future was badass).
Most of the others, sadly, I don't think I can get into detail about due to them being heavily tied into much later events.
Just in general, though, we have big plans for the changelings in the EC universe. In fact, it was later-season changeling-focused episodes that I first thought of rewriting, and that kickstarted this whole project.
Perfectly even balance of ratings this week! If certainly a soft average overall. Least nothing was below a 'Worth It'.
And that's twice this week's Serketry's New Blood story has been covered by a reviewer. I'm gonna have to hold my stockpiled review of it back further to avoid a pileup…
That story of The Descendant is one I don't remember much beyond largely nailing having stupid humour without being insulting, and being rather wandering and aimless in a way that sagged the momentum, as you note. It was also only his 7th last story (yeah, he really did hang up his pen in August 2014, if you can believe it…
).
Also, it speaks to our differing personalities that you feel the need to warn a reader "Oh yeah, this was written in an early year, so the characters are like they were at that point in the show". Obviously I have the publication year by the pic, but I think I came along late enough as to be so used to reading old fics like that such that it never was a barrier to entry, and I rarely see the need to bring it up. The reader will know if it is.
The Pink Side of the Mind is one I liked a good bit more than you (most of Level Dasher's other fics I covered that tribute week I found to be undistinguished fluff pieces). It's kinda coming across like you didn't react great to it not being your expectations. Perhaps that's not it at all, but it really was a winner of that Jinglemas.
Finally, that cover of Please Don't Do This really puts me in mind of Blink and its sub-genre of fics, and I can't imagine that wasn't intentional.
Some months, it just doesn't happen. And that's okay.
Oddly enough, this month, I've actually got a lot going on story wise. A horror short story based on Garfield of all things, more Star Overhead V6 and the Bionic titan rewrite/expansion.
While I've never actually done this myself, I do tend to remove stories I'm not happy with that don't place when I enter contests. I can't really imagine why the verdict alone would have someone remove a story, but not everyone handles criticism well.
I'd like to take the time to recommend the anime Re:Creators to anyone who has never seen it in the event they like this idea. The whole anime is basically set up on this premise, and though there's a lot of exposition that bogs the show down, I think it does a great job at making you consider your own work more carefully.
Hm, what happens to the characters in our stories. Yeah I've written that a couple of times.
Re: The Descendant potentially being critical of religion. I seriously doubt he'd do that, as his own blog entries paint him as religious himself, to the point that he'd still find a church to attend when he was at early BronyCons.
I do like the idea that the sirens' gems can potentially regrow and have used that in multiple stories as well.
It's actually fortunate that you're pointing this stuff out, since I'm currently going over my MLI series (mostly out of nostalgia), and I'm interested to see some specific examples of the critiques you brought up so I can improve going forward.
Some stories catch fire and soar into the stratosphere, some just sit there and fizzle on the launch pad. That's how it goes. I thought my Flim-Flam romance was going to do far better than it did, and the little ten chapter seapony romance thing I did went sky-high faster than I imagined.
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The singing was the only thing that raised my eyebrows, at least with this one. And then it didn't bother me much at all. Struck me as a light-hearted extra touch more than anything.
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So what you're saying is "there's no badassery going on" and "Fine's already warmed his heart here so it's not as interesting anymore"? I suppose I can buy that. Although I think it's fair to say that's he's always had a soft spot when it comes to kids, especially fillies. That might come off creepy for anyone who doesn't know him.
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I prefer not to expect the reader to know, largely due to my own habits. There are plenty of occasions where I see a story's next on my reading schedule and dive right in without checking anything; not the tags, not the dates, sometimes not even the short description. I already picked it to be reviewed months ago, obviously I thought it worth taking a look at. But doing things fast like that also tends to lead me to miss important context elements – like, you know, dates and tags. And I figure that if I'm doing something like this, someone else out there is too, so better to provide the warning. Your system does alleviate some of that due to the formatting though.
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I also think I might want to take a break because of burnout. I have been pulling off my monthly wordcounts like clockwork three months in a row, with the target wordcount being higher every month. I figure it's time for a minor lax period before we hit the NaNoWriMo grind that is my primary goal this year. And it's not like I won't be releasing anything this month.
ORLY? I might want to take a look at this.
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I was unaware of this, as I am guilty of not checking out an author's profile page as much as anyone. And I wouldn't expect other readers to know it going in either, so...
I dunno, I never particularly liked it. It seems too easy. I always preferred the idea of the sirens having to face the world anew with unexpected challenges due to suddenly not having the gift of their gems to help them all the time. Letting them gem heal "just because" feels like robbing them of huge character potential.
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It's always the ones you don't expect, right?
In this case, I wasn't expecting a huge reaction, but I also didn't expect it to be dead on arrival. That hasn't happened to me since... yeesh, probably since I first started writing horsewords.
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Fortunately I read the story recently enough that I can probably point out a thing or two. Anything in particular you're interested in?
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Gigguk did a good video about it not too long ago, but the TLDR is, Characters from various properties are transported to the real world and their creators have to deal with facing their own creations. It sticks with you.
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I wouldn't have their gems instantly regrow. It's always been a gradual thing, like years long. And in each case, the siren in question has learned some hard lessons in the interim, to the point they wouldn't go back to their old ways. I then find it's interesting to see what they might do with their powers in their new mindset.
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Actually, rereading over your review now, yeah, I see exactly what you mean. For most of the instances, it's easy to say that Amethyst was very intimidated by the people she had to interrogate. I might've gotten so caught up in being in the character's head (something I tend to do when writing in first person) that I wasn't fully paying attention to seeing if it made sense to the reader. I've often said that I'm a bit of a method actor when I'm writing stories like this. Not gonna lie; the chapter where Amethyst reveals her backstory did make me pretty emotional while I was writing it.
And I will fully admit. In hindsight, the final clue was a bit of an asspull. Again, I blame getting so engrossed in writing Amethyst's mindset, and I wanted my headcanon about how she fits in Derpy's family to have some relevance.
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Not gonna lie, a solid 50% of the reason why I included Becoming Popular was because I rewatched Sweet and Elite several times in rapid succession, for fact-finding, and now that song is still stuck in my head.
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I remember it being a song that really sticks with you. I find this a perfectly acceptable excuse.
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Ah, well, that saves me having to go through looking for specific examples then!
If you do pull off a full rewrite, perhaps I'll come back to these someday.
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I didn't remember it at all until Serketry included it here. That... probably says something in and of itself.