Paul's Thursday Reviews CCXXXII · 3:37pm Dec 17th, 2020
As of today, I am officially on a three-week vacation. Coincidentally, I'm also on a regularly scheduled break, so no reviews next week.
For the past month, I've been thinking about writing a short story, just for the sake of giving you folks something to read. But every time I thought of something, I realized it was too big a project and scrapped it. The most promising of my ideas include a funeral service for Trixie that isn't a sadfic and a collection of shorts in which Rainbow Dash is the bodyguard of Sweetie Belle (no, it wouldn't be a romance). The Trixie one is interesting, but I'm not sure how to handle it. The bodyguard one is extremely interesting, but the idea bloomed into a series and I don't want to waste time on one of those. The frustration is great, especially knowing that devoting any time at all to either of them is just delaying BPH.
But I've got three weeks of vacation with minimal reading to do (thanks in no small part to my overloaded schedule of the past few weeks). Even if I am at my parents' place, perhaps I can get some real writing done now.
Alright, I'm off. The next time you guys see one of these review blogs will be New Years Eve, but I may do a non-review blog before then. There's a meme that's been going around I'm interested in participating in. But just in case you don't hear from me between now and then: a Merry Christmas to all of you!
Reviews.
Stories for This Week:
Homecoming by Rose Quill
Rock Hard~! by RoMS
A Special Rainbow by Mathew_The_Raridash_Fan
Leaf and Sap, Blood and Fire by Drakkith
Your Fangs Are Showing by Bucking Nonsense
A Study in Violet by MaxKodan
Expert Amateur by TheBandBrony
Recycled by Trick Question
Friendship Is Magic - Extended Cut by AdmiralSakai
August Fifteenth by Nicknack
Total Word Count: 179,570
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 5
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 2
None: 0
Homecoming
25,625 Words
By Rose Quill
Out of nowhere, Sunset Shimmer receives word that her mother is dead. Now she must go back to Equestria to settle things with her sisters. SciTwi decides to tag along, because whether Sunset knows it or not, she’ll need a friend.
There’s not much to say about this story that the summary didn’t already make clear. Sunset and SciTwi go to Equestria, Sunset settles matters with her remaining family, Sunset and SciTwi get shipped, the end. It’s a very… simple story.
Too simple. The two problems stem from a lack of proof-reading and, far larger, a lack of any hooks. There’s no rising action, no drama, no climax, no conflict. This is a story in which things happen and then we’re done, and I’m like, “Okay, so what was the point of all this?” It’s not like Sunset has any familial conflicts to speak of, her relationship with Celestia is repaired without any effort, and the SciTwi shipping is predictable at best. There’s not much here to maintain the reader’s interest.
Rose Quill does have some interesting ideas that might have been worth exploring. There’s the suggestion that Sunset’s empathic powers can function without her geode provided her own emotions are in tune with another’s, particularly Twilight’s since they are already theoretically connected through their magic. There’s also a scene where Princess Luna connects the dreams of two different people who are sleeping at completely different times due to the way time is warped in the dreamscape, which is a fascinating concept I never thought of before.
Alas, a couple interesting ideas are not enough to save the overarching story. Rose Quill just doesn’t do anything with it. It might work for those seeking a slice-of-life with no bells and whistles, but I can’t help but think that this needs more.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Rock Hard~!
2,121 Words
By RoMS
I couldn’t resist. The instant I saw the cover art, I was obligated to read this. I’d never seen a story set in Siden’s Ultimare universe, and I adore these redesigns of AJ and Rarity. For those of you unaware (which is probably most of you), in this rendition the Rainboom never happened, so Applejack grew up to become a Manehattan businessmare and socialite while Rarity became a rough and rugged gem miner. This story settles around them enjoying a day in bed together.
It’s also about how Sparkling absolutely loves having a girlfriend who is tall and as hard as granite.
Aside from the interesting setting and redesigns, this story has two things in particular going for it. The first is the vividly descriptive style of the narrative, which paints an endearing image of two anthropomorphic mares enjoying one another’s company on a lazy day. Wordsmiths interested in complex prose will love this aspect of it.
Complementing this is the nature of the relationship, or at least of the current scene. It’s playful and endearing, yet a bit unconventional. Sparkling and Ivory are not sucking face. Rather, Ivory is showing off how much stronger she is than her girlfriend and Sparkling is firing Rarity-esque verbal shots in retaliation. One physically imposing herself, the other trying to resist, but all of it is being done in good fun – because Ivory knows Sparkling loves being marehandled, and Sparkling knows Ivory loves to hear her faux-objections. It’s cute, it’s entertaining, and it’s unusual.
I thoroughly enjoyed this one. I really hope I can find more stories someday about these two, because they’re fun to watch. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go rediscover the artwork for this universe.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
A Special Rainbow
1,846 Words
By Mathew_The_Raridash_Fan
After daydreaming in class one time too many, Rainbow Dash is sent to see Principal Celestia again. She knows what’s coming. She's been expecting it for a while now.
I came to this story because I was hoping for a personal drama about Rainbow’s struggle with academics. What I got instead was dry and highly impersonal. This isn’t a story, it’s a declaration: Rainbow Dash has ADHD and dyslexia, the end. There’s no drama, no emotions, and certainly no character growth. I’m wondering why this exists.
No, seriously. What was your goal, author? Was it to tell the unaware what happens when kids have to enter Special Ed? I suppose this works in that vein, but it doesn’t make for a great story on its own. I imagined Rainbow would need some emotional support, maybe fight the diagnosis even realizing that her dreams are at stake. But aside from a few moments of anger/frustration, it’s like she has no emotional response to the proceedings at all. Just as bad, the faculty of Canterlot High are downright robotic, and you’d swear her father doesn’t care about any of this.
The author admits to having been in Special Ed as a child. Maybe this is supposed to be reflective of their own experience. Maybe these things just aren’t as emotional as one might think. And that’s fine. But as a story, this needs a lot more in order for the situation to be relatable and interesting to the average reader.
On an unrelated note, I found it odd that Rainbow Dash is being called to be part of Special Ed now, when she’s in high school. I can’t help but think that symptoms as severe as Rainbow’s would be showing up much earlier and this discussion would have come when she was first learning how to read. Unless our education system has degraded that much since I was a kid, which would be frightening. I knew it was getting bad, but…
Anyway, this is a piece that needs a lot more before I can call it a decent story, much less recommend it. I didn’t see anything wrong with the technical aspect of the writing, but there’s nothing in this that could possibly keep me engaged.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Leaf and Sap, Blood and Fire
5,431 Words
By Drakkith
An alpha Timberwolf returns from a tribute hunt only to find his pack being attacked by a young dragon.
Eschewing the usual tales of ponies comes this story of the ever-dreaded timberwolves. This might even qualify as a worldbuilding piece, as it delves into what one might call timberwolf culture. Far from being the ruthless brutes of the show, this depicts them as being intelligent beings capable of forming alliances with other packs and even other species.
I especially liked how this pack was shown as being allied with the Ursa Major and how much they value that friendship, yet also treat her as one might a rival nation. It’s made abundantly clear that while the Alpha and the Ursa are old friends, there are also assertions that making one wrong move around her could get you killed, ally or no. It indicates a more complicated world that could be fun to explore from a storytelling perspective. That is to say, beyond what we’re given. It would be interesting to see a story where a pony attempts to study Timberwolf society as it is depicted here.
So, Drakkith, got a sequel where the CMC do just that? Nice cameo, by the way.
This was a fascinating piece, and certainly deserves its positive ratings. If you feel like taking a look at a world outside equine civilization, this will certainly do it for you.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Apple on His Flank — WHYRTY?
How to Preen Your Chicken — Needs Work
Your Fangs Are Showing
6,603 Words
By Bucking Nonsense
Fluttershy is in the Crystal Empire with Twilight when she is suddenly pulled aside by a random pony who warns her that her fangs are showing. It only takes a few minutes for her to realize what’s going on. The question now is: what to do about it?
This story runs on the idea that Fluttershy’s fangs from when she was Flutterbat keep coming back, despite Twilight’s ardent efforts to fix the problem, and this causes a changeling to think she is one, too. Seeing this, you’d think Fluttershy is the main character. On the contrary, it’s actually Mole Cricket, the changeling, who stars. Mole, as it turns out, is a rogue standing apart from the hive until Chrysalis can be removed from power. The story ends up being about how he reacts to being outed, to say nothing for how others react to him.
There’s nothing new with this one; “that one changeling who doesn’t like Chrysalis” is a pretty common trope, especially at the time this story was released. I might have been willing to give that a pass if the story were believable, but alas, it’s got quite a few issues. For example, Mole insists he isn’t going back to the hive because if Chrysalis knows about the Crystal Heart she could become unstoppable. Why everypony (and buggy) present thinks she doesn’t already know about an entire city appearing out of nowhere to great fanfare is never explained.
There’s also the issue with Fluttershy. Given the opening scene and the final one, you’d think Fluttershy would be important to the overarching story. She’s not. Really, aside from those two scenes, the second of which barely qualifying as such, she has nothing more than a background presence. The end result is a sense of disjointedness. Fluttershy is clearly meant to be important, but she’s not treated that way in most of the story.
Then there’s that romance tag. What romance? Two ponies finding one another cute and doing absolutely nothing else does not a romance make.
The good news is that the story is, generally, well written. I have no complaints regarding Bucking Nonsense’s style. I only feel like the plot itself could use some polishing. This story might catch the attention of people with an interest in changelings, but it has nothing in it to distinguish it from the pack of similar stories.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Moon, The Flower, And The Door — Pretty Good!
Who Is This Lord Tirek You Speak Of? — Pretty Good
A Study in Violet
8,903 Words
By MaxKodan
Rarity as a teenage super-sleuth solving murders? Yes and Please!
Sunset Shimmer was originally supposed to be driving her girlfriend to some backwater county town to check out a car Rarity wants to buy. Instead they find a dead body at a gas station. For Sunset, this is a shock. Not as big a shock as when Rarity instantly goes into detective mode to solve the murder! Turns out she’s got a history for this kind of thing.
This story is set in an AU where Rarity has a reputation for running into mysterious murder cases and solving them, which comes as news to her girlfriend. The story is told from Sunset’s perspective and largely involves her playing Watson to Rarity’s Holmes, i.e. following along and struggling to keep up. I was highly entertained from start to finish.
This isn’t an overly complicated story or mystery. If you’ve seen enough of them, you’ll know who the villain is pretty quickly even if you don’t recognize the clues (and I admit I missed a few). But I don’t mind that as long as it lets me watch Rarity do her Shadow Spade thing. The only downside is that Sunset doesn’t get to have much fun here; when I say she’s only along for the ride, I mean it. Her only standout moment was when she threatened a cop in defense of her girlfriend. Otherwise she’s little more than the reader’s eyes.
Regardless, I had fun with this one. It’s well-written, easy to follow, and has quite a few endearing moments. Don’t let the fact it’s a “sequel” to Dappled Shores bother you, there’s really nothing from that story affecting this one. So dive in and enjoy!
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Dappled Shores — Pretty Good!
One Thousand Years — Pretty Good!
Expert Amateur
1,242 Words
By TheBandBrony
Every six months or so, Rainbow Dash and Rarity get together to do things the other enjoys, both in an effort to bond and expand one another’s horizons. Today it’s Rarity’s turn to pick the activities, which leads to Rainbow staring at pictures in an art museum. Both bored and unimpressed, she casually jokes that she could recreate the painting they’re currently observing. To her surprise, Rarity takes that bet.
I think this is the first story by this author where I grasp most of what’s going on with the first reading. It demonstrates TheBandBrony’s singular talent for saying a lot without saying much at all. Under normal circumstances, their methods are so subtle that the intention can be missed entirely by the unprepared reader. This one certainly dances on that line; it can, at first, seem to be about absolutely nothing.
In truth, we get to see Rainbow expanding her horizons – as her visit with Rarity is meant to do in the first place. Without ever openly acknowledging what is happening, the story Shows us how she quickly comes to grasp certain aspects of art. Whether she fully appreciates it now is another thing entirely. Still, I am pleased. Rarity and Rainbow are both strongly characterized, the dialogue is solid throughout, and Rainbow may have discovered a talent she never knew she had.
Well done all around, author.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Waters of March — Worth It
Save the Records — Missed Audience
Recycled
4,431 Words
By Trick Question
Requested by Trick Question
Twilight Sparkle achieved apotheosis overnight.
At least, as far as everypony else can tell.
I must admit that I didn’t “get” what this story was doing after I finished reading it, and thus had to scan the comments in order to fully grasp its intentions. This is, as it turns out, an Immortality Sucks story. Or perhaps it would be more appropriate to say immortality sucks specifically for the Princess of Friendship. It involves Twilight performing some pretty bad things under the noses of literally everyone around her, fellow princesses included, for entirely selfish reasons.
On the one hand, I really like that this story approaches a tired topic from a fresh angle. On the other hand, the underlying methodology Twilight uses in this story isn’t as effectively shown to the readers as it is in, say, Broken Symmetry. Point being, I was confused as to what was going on. I’m not sure whether this was due to my own failure in reading comprehension or a failure in Trick Question’s writing of it. Probably a little of both. Either way, if I got lost, surely others will too.
Even so, once I grasped what was really going on I came to truly appreciate this story. It’s another demonstration of Trick Questions’ ability to think outside the box and approach old concepts in new ways.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Price of a Smile — WHYRTY?
Broken Symmetry — WHYRTY?
Winter Heat — WHYRTY?
Familiar — WHYRTY?
Shoot for the Moon — Pretty Good
Friendship Is Magic - Extended Cut
112,294 Words
By AdmiralSakai
Many an author has made a pass at recreating The Elements of Harmony, to varying degrees of success. Some are whacky. Some are serious. Some are atrocious. At this point there are so many that seeing one more tends to earn little more than an eye roll from me. I’ll be honest, if AdmiralSakai hadn’t approached me to read this, I probably wouldn’t have. It’s just too common.
What AdmiralSakai had wanted was a short pre-read and review. Alas, I didn’t have any time for pre-reading then and adding it as a request would have made it wait years. Thus he backed off on the offer. But I kept track of the story, and when it finished added it on my own, just to see how he did.
What we end up with may be the single best retelling of the first two episodes ever, at least for me. This is strictly because the author strove to give it a much more realistic, intelligent slant, one that requires the characters to behave in ways that aren’t limited by a children’s show and gives legitimate reasons for events other than “just because.”
I need look no further to exemplify this than AdmiralSakai’s interpretation of Spike, which I loved. Gone is the childish drake who follows Twilight around taking orders and being a witless sidekick. This Spike was raised by and acted as an assistant to Twilight Sparkle, one of the greatest minds in Equestria, and he had to become a great mind himself just to keep up. Here we see him reading ancient script, poking holes in Twilight’s theories, formulating his own hypotheses, actively helping form plans, acting on his own when time and trials necessitate it, and generally being an awesome, self-sufficient, and capable guy. This isn’t a Spike you leave behind because he’s only a child and you can’t think of anything else to do with him, but someone you send on his own quest as the backup plan in case yours fails. I love how respectful this version of the character was, one whose entire existence makes far more sense given the nature of his upbringing.
Now apply that level of attention to everything else in The Elements of Harmony. Why did Celestia send Twilight on her own to Ponyville? Why did nopony remember Nightmare Moon? Why didn’t the Royal Guard come to Ponyville’s aid? Expand that to the nature of the adventure in the Everfree Forest, where the events are heavily altered to be more dangerous and consequential, ranging from awoken Lunar Guards on the prowl, deadly illusions, magical artillery, and so much more. Not only does it make the overarching tale more interesting, it makes the acts of the Mane 6 to earn their Elements vastly more appropriate.
This was an ambitious project, one designed to treat the return of Nightmare Moon as a heroic adventure with tons of worldbuilding and history revision. It succeeded wonderfully. I thoroughly enjoyed it and hope to see more by this author in the future.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
August Fifteenth
11,426 Words
Nicknack failed to provide cover art.
Sequel to Evening Flames
It’s been two years since the events of Evening Flames. Time to check in on the town of Farrington.
This is a collection of short stories, most focusing on the now-familiar residents of Farrington. In a way, it’s like a final hurrah, letting us see how everyone in the story has moved on and/or healed from the chaos life had thrown at them. Be it healed relationships or moving on from past failures, the stories provided a warm confirmation that, finally, everything is going to be alright.
I really enjoyed this. While it’s not all played out in one note – there’s a story about a raid on criminals and another that doesn’t relate to Farrington’s citizens at all – it was really nice to see how much the characters and relationships have healed. I’d equate it, perhaps improperly, to that final scene of Harry Potter, where we get to witness all our beloved characters leading fulfilling, happy lives. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, but it does feel like things have gotten better for all involved.
There are only two issues with all of this. The first is the scene with the two griffon lovers. Which, y’know, there was nothing wrong with the scene in and of itself. It was quite good, in fact. And it certainly maintains the same mood as the others. But when literally every other story in this relates to a character who appeared and played some role in the main Farrington story and lives in the town, it’s odd to have one for two characters who have absolutely no relation to any of that. The only way to know who these two are is by reading a largely unrelated side story that you won’t know exists if all you’ve been doing is reading Gilda’s storyline – which is precisely what most readers following that storyline will have done. Again, nothing against the story in general, it just feels… out of place.
The second issue is the most obvious: if you haven’t read the central story-in-three-parts, you won’t have a clue who these characters are, much less the importance of their relationships. It heavily relies on that interconnectivity of the various characters, so anyone who hasn’t followed along will likely be lost.
But for those who do know the story in its entirety, this will be a nice epilogue. I can see no reason not to recommend it – indeed, the entire series. Well done, author.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Dusk-Lit Waltz — WHYRTY?
Taking Care of Animals — WHYRTY?
Heart of Gold, Feathers of Steel — Pretty Good!
Evening Flames — Pretty Good
Summer Days — Pretty Good
Stories for Next Week:
An Apple Sleep Experiment by Magpiepony
Dichromatic by Prane
Dead-Eye Darling by totallynotabrony
Conquering is Easy, Being Conquered is Hard by ChibiRenamon
The Elements of Randomness by Razor Blade the Unicron
Cake Story by Blueshift
Daughter of the Woods by Robolestia
Lateral Movement by Alzrius
A Brush With Fate by RadBunny
A Foreign Education by GaPJaxie
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Hot damn! Now that I've gotten over my initial "senpai noticed me" reaction... wow. I knew this review was going to be at least partially positive because I saw you put the 'fic in the "Why aren't you reading this yet?" list, but... wow. I wasn't expecting "single best retelling of the first two episodes ever". I am flattered and amazed.
There's really not anything else I even feel like I want to say here, other than that I will likely be starting to commit actual words to the outline of Feeling Pinkie Keen EC probably before the end of this week.
The past few months, or, well, entire year have really all been a quick blur to me where I'm still surprised every week that its Thursday already by these reviews, so perhaps it hasn't really been as frequent a recurrence as I'd think - but my image of Paul is still someone calmly walking into a discussion they aren't a part of just yet and going, "Okay, but guys, have you read Broken Symmetry though?"
Either way, I guess it's time to go read that again. Again.
Only one I've read is "Your Fangs are Showing," and I agree with your assessment of it as a story. I also had issues with the mechanical side of things, where there was a lot of telling and repetition, plus the perspective could never settle on what it was doing. One minute it's limited yet hopping between characters, and the next it's some kind of omniscient narrator who's aware of the reader.
Thank you very much for the very kind review
!
That is a very strong sell on that penultimate story, there. <.< Don't let me down.
5417042
I'll be looking forward to it. Your story hit all the right buttons for me, from its heavy detail to its realistic slant.
5417245
Normally I'd remind you that these reviews are strictly my opinion, but... yeah,I'd be preaching to the choir. Let's just hope my treasure isn't your trash.
5417047
To be fair, I'm pretty sure I'm mostly doing it with TQ's stories, and I see no reason not to compare a TQ story to a TQ story. Recycled is particularly appropriate for such a comparison.
5417048
I vaguely recall some issues in the writing. Which makes me question my own statement regarding it being generally well written. But knowing me, that was probably based on the author's stylistic choice than the technical aspect.
5417088
And thank you for giving me a story about two characters I've never seen on FIMfiction before now!
5417565
To be fair, people can mean different things when they say something is generally well written. Some mean the proofreading was good, some mean the sentence flow, word choice, etc. are good, and some mean both.
"Pretty Good"
I'm now glad I didn't include the gritty crimelord overtake vignette (I didn't like it then; you wouldn't like it now). Thank you for the review!