Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXXX · 8:28pm Apr 20th, 2023
According to my niece, having any facial hair at all automatically makes you a daddy. Not necessarily her daddy, just “a” daddy.
She got along far better with the wilder side of the family than I anticipated. It helped that there were four responsible adults around to monitor all the kids, as my brother and his “wife” (in quotes because he calls her that even though they aren’t married) brought along her mother and I also happened to be in attendance. Evy didn’t care much for crawfish, but that’s hardly a surprise given her age, how she responded to the things when they were alive (nooooo touchie!), and she’s never been exposed to them before. Oh, well, maybe when she’s older.
In other news, I finally finished the rough draft of my next story and am putting it through its first self-editing paces, which should be done today. It’s going to be a while before the release, mostly because I still need to commission cover art. I was going to do it, but then taxes hit me hard so I decided not to spend any money on “me” things until next month. The good news about this? Plenty of time for review and corrections. So if anyone wants to do a pre/proofread on the next Bulletproof Heart story, let me know!
I think I’ll focus on that horror story next. Given that I’d like it ready by Halloween and have no idea how long it will be, best to start before it’s too late.
Enough of that, time for reviews!
Stories for This Week:
Goats of Summer by SparklingTwilight
Know Why the Nightingale Sings by MoscowNights
Living Happily with the Love of Your Life by KingdaKa
Girlfriend Friend 2: Royally Screwed by Tangerine Blast
Oneirology by Taialin
Into the Storm: The Flight of Firefly by Firesight
Souls and Silicon by Syke Jr
Only, Only, Only You by Corejo
Even A Princess Needs A Break by Mooncalf
The Dragon and the Photograph by Scramblers and Shadows
Total Word Count: 550,665
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 3
Pretty Good: 4
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
Goats of Summer
11,478 Words
By SparklingTwilight
It’s Fiddlesticks’ last year as a counselor at Summer Friendship Camp, a role that she loves for her nurturing nature. There are only two problems. First: Bulk Biceps, who she once had a fling with and then cruelly ditched, is now her senior counselor. Second and even worse: Lightning Dust is joining the councilors. This is going to be a summer to remember.
This was a delightful story. Told from Fiddlesticks’ perspective, it depicts her last summer as a camp counselor. If you’re wondering about the goat theming, it’s because the land for the camp belongs to a herd of goats, and one important part of the counselor's job is making sure nobody gets said herd upset. But the story is mostly about Fiddlesticks’ complicated and tormentous relationship with the immature Manehattan wrecking ball that is Lightning Dust.
SparklingTwilight does a lot of things well here. They create interesting characters with a lot of backstory and complicated relationships that grow and evolve in realistic ways as the story presses on. They blatantly toy around with the writing style and grammar rules, but do so in a way that accentuates the scenes and the characters (an extremely rare and valuable skill for any writer). They Tell when they need to, Show when they can. They often word things in ways that require the reader to figure things out on their own. When they do explain things it’s done in a way that ties what we’ve already gathered together.
Which is all a really long winded way of me saying I really liked SpraklingTwilight’s approach to this. Sometimes it’s amusing, especially as Fiddlesticks and Lightning find fresh new ways to annoy one another. At other times, however, it gets dreadfully serious, from Fiddlesticks’ ever-present anxiety around an understandably displeased Bulk Biceps to Lightning’s carefully hidden past traumas. The two moods are combined with great finesse.
I think my only critique would be the copious amount of links thrown around in the story. Some of them I’m okay with, like the ones that shared music for a scene. I don’t really agree with trying to accentuate a story with music in this way, but I understand it’s a matter of preference. No, what bugged me was the ones that linked to definitions. Readers should be able to grasp the meaning of a narrative’s words through inference, and SparklingTwilight is good enough a writer to pull that off. Even if they weren’t, if a reader really was confused by a given word they can always look it up for themselves. I am thoroughly opposed to this hand-holding, especially considering that this is a complex story where a lot of the important underlying plot elements are more insinuated than directly shared. Why should we expect a reader to grasp that but not to be able to figure out a few words on their own?
But I digress. This is ultimately a great story that deserves far more attention than it currently has. I shall be looking forward to reading more from this author’s library.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
That odd feeling when an author calls out one of your own stories in their Author’s Notes. Most flattering, Sparkling.
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Know Why the Nightingale Sings
1,004 Words
By MoscowNights
Fluttershy, terrified and alone, wanders through the Everfree. She doesn’t know why she came out here. She’s not even sure if it was her decision. All she knows is that the nightingale is singing, and she must find out why.
I have no idea. Fluttershy is walking through the forest and there are lights observing her and presumed metaphors about caterpillars and then she’s at a castle but it’s not that castle I think there are crowns and animals and the moon and there’s this conversation between two nameless individuals on the side about unbirth still being birth and oh my Luna I’ve gone crosseyed.
So yeah, I don’t know what’s going on here. I like stories that offer more questions than answers, but this one was too much even for me. I thought at first that maybe Fluttershy was getting possessed by the Nightmare, but certain elements of the story dissuaded me of that notion. MoscowNights is taking great pains to generate atmosphere and mood but is foiled regularly by awkward non-sentences, words that aren’t actually words, and the occasional grammatical slip. Actually, I’m not convinced some of those ‘errors’ weren’t done on purpose as a means of dropping hints to what is actually going on, but I don’t know this author and thus can’t make the claim with any confidence.
This was interesting, to be sure, but the blatant lack of comprehension afforded for the readers in terms of the grand scheme hurt it quite a bit.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Living Happily with the Love of Your Life
67,731 Words
By KingdaKa
Sequel to Lady No Longer
Five years ago, Cadance made the biggest mistake of her life. Three years ago, Twilight Sparkle gave her a second chance. Now they are longstanding live-in girlfriends, and neither could be happier. There’s just one tiny little problem: they haven’t bothered to inform Twilight Velvet.
Lady No Longer saw Cadance undergo something of a midlife crisis, during which time she ended up dating Twilight and revealed some horrid personality traits. By the end of it Twilight had left her and Cadance had come to realize that she was in desperate need of a course correction, one that took a few years to achieve. Now she’s the more familiar version of the character, sweet and kind and gracious.
I still say that the overarching story would have been better served showing us that struggle to be a better person.
Regardless, this story picks up with Cadance and Twilight happily living together, the first few chapters devoted to catching us up on them and most of their friends – although I can’t help but notice that both Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are completely ignored. Makes one wonder what the story is there. Pinkie Pie and Sunset are together – can’t recall if they were married or just dating – poor Applejack lives alone on the farm, and Rarity is dating Adagio. That last one raised some eyebrows, because in the previous story Adagio made an appearance as a S&M-themed prostitute – twice – but in this story when she and Cadance meet Cadance doesn’t recognize her at all. I’m not sure if this is a case of “I didn’t recognize you without the whip and thigh-highs” or KingdaKa actually forgot.
Those are minor things. Well, Adagio isn’t, but she takes up so little of the story that I won’t harp on it. The point of the story is Cadance’s relationship with Twilight, which is about as loving and passionate as any couple could hope for. But it wouldn’t be an interesting story if it was just these two being lovey-dovey. Complicating the picture are a Thanksgiving get-together with the Sparkles that goes disastrously wrong, ex-principal Cinch being petty in the extreme, and unpleasant hospital visits.
Honestly? The hospital part felt overdone to me. We already have an intense conflict with Twilight Velvet who, perfectly understandably, has not even considered the possibility of forgiving Cadance for the last story’s crime. That alone could have made the entire story on its own. Adding Principal Cinch bringing Cadance before the school board was an excellent way to lead into a climax on the same topic. Combine these two things together and you have everything you need. They’re lucky they have a school board that actually cares about its students’ wellbeing, which in this day and age is not a guarantee. Of interest is that Principal Cinch declared that she could prove Cadance committed the crimes levied against her, but she doesn’t get the chance to offer up said proof; I’d have liked to have seen what she’d have tried.
Then it’s all over and for some reason KingdaKa just had to add one more wrench into Cadance’s and Twilight’s happiness. It felt unnecessary. Worse, KingdaKa blows by a lot of it such that, similar to Cadance’s redemption in the prior story, it felt like the entire subject should have been held back to serve as its own story, rather than a ten-month timeskip to its conclusion.
All that said, the story is quite the interesting read up until after the school board meeting. It sort of lost its steam after that, but everything prior? I didn’t want to stop reading. There was a ceaseless need to see what Twilight Velvet or Abacus Cinch would do next to try and break the happy couple up.
Bear in mind that there’s still some pornographically descriptive sex scenes in this, though they aren’t near as common as they were in the prior story. I largely skimmed them, and everything else about the story is tame in comparison.
I enjoyed this for the most part, but I feel like the last couple chapters really killed my enthusiasm. I’m still interested in checking the next story, although which one I pick is uncertain since KingdaKa went and named four different ones as direct sequels to this. Guess I’ll just have to pick one.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Lady No Longer — Pretty Good
Girlfriend Friend 2: Royally Screwed
2,727 Words
By Tangerine Blast
Sequel to Girlfriend Friend
Rarity was of the firm belief that she was dating Princess Celestia, at least at long distance. Then Celestia appears at her doorstep. She’s not alone for long.
I was afraid this story would be more of the same as its predecessor. Delightfully, it is not, instead twisting Rarity’s dilemma into something different, if similar. In this case we discover that at least two members of royalty are in lurv with Rarity, one in the romantic sense and the other in the lust sense, a third has been caught in the crossfire, and a fourth is enjoying the unfolding disaster. I’ll let you guess which is which.
This is far more of a crackfic than the previous story. Girlfriend Friend was a bunch of nonsense, but was so in a way that made sense given the individual characters’ personalities and the manner of the show’s earliest seasons. The character behavior here, while still arguably fitting with each character’s supposed mannerisms, just feels absurd.
That’s not a complaint or criticism, just an observation. I don’t think it will negatively impact most readers’ view on the subject at all. If anything, it’ll feel like an escalation.
Amusing and silly, which is all it needed to be. I look forward to the next one.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Spark Visions of Twilight — Pretty Good
Girlfriend Friend — Pretty Good
Recall Memories of Midnight — Worth It
Oneirology
21,647 Words
By Taialin
Sequel to Obsolete
When Rarity goes on a date with Fluttershy, the one major hiccup of their relationship puts a stopper on the pleasure. That night, they each dream…
Oneirology - Noun: The study of dreams and their interpretation.
The second of what was meant to be a trilogy, this story both serves as a chronological sequel to Obsolete and a thematic sequel to Lust. In the former, Rarity and Fluttershy finally inform Spike that they are dating, which leads to a hard and emotionally charged discussion about Rarity’s treatment of him all these years. In the latter, Rarity and Fluttershy attempted their first… *ahem* “bedtime encounter”, which was made difficult by the fact that as much as Rarity loves Fluttershy she is inescapably not gay.
Oneirology reveals the consequences of both. Rarity has, in a sense, been treating Fluttershy similarly to how she’d been treating Spike, and Fluttershy has some intense fears in relation to that. Rarity is forced to face her love’s fears and, somehow, reassure Fluttershy that her own heterosexuality is not going to lead to an inevitable breakup.
As usual with Taialin’s works, this was a lovely story, if a bit emotionally heavy. Flirty Rarity is Best Rarity, but when the ponies she flirts with are of an entirely different make from her marefriend… Well, you can imagine the kind of insecurities that could create. The story can seem long, but the pacing is actually pretty good so long as you’re willing to accept some descriptive flare and the fact that these problems can’t be resolved with a quick reassurance. I for one enjoyed it, but I can see some readers thinking it takes too long to get to the point.
I also appreciate that the story didn’t let us forget that this relationship has had an effect on Spike too. It’s not a big part of the story, but it was a nice reminder. That Twilight cameo was fun too.
A pleasant read, doing everything it needed to and working atmosphere with skill. About the only real disappointment is that the third “O” isn’t coming, although that’s not too bad a problem; this is a good place to end it.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Tradecraft — WHYRTY?
Language — Pretty Good
Lust — Pretty Good
Nothing to Fear — Pretty Good
Listen — Worth It
Into the Storm: The Flight of Firefly
420,591 Words
By Firesight
Sequel to Before the Storm: The Rise of Firefly
It’s three hundred years since the exile of Princess Luna, and a changeling has just slipped into Outpost Epsilon on the Equestrian/Gryphon border. She gave her life to bring dire news: the Gryphon Empire plans to attack! It’s far too late to prepare, for hot on her heels comes a massive army ready to crush Equestria into dust. Commander Firefly must do everything in her power to hold them off, but she and everypony under her command know full well that doing so is to commit suicide.
At last I return to this series. The previous story told the pre-war background of Firefly and her companions, building them up and establishing their bona fides. This story in turn kicks off the actual war so strongly hinted at during all that time. It is told in the form of a laboriously produced collaborative memoir written by the mare herself, as well as others who witnessed parts of the war she did not. Such characters include, in no particular order, her adopted gryphon son, her fellow officers, witnesses in other campaigns such as members of the Royal Navy, major figures of both the Gryphon Empire and an Equestria-allied changeling hive, witnesses from both sides of a divided thestral nation, survivors from distant battles such as at Cloudsdale, and even entries by Celestia herself.
Sound like a lot? That’s because it is. It really is. This story is over 400,000 words long, and yet the whole of it covers less than a week of the war. It’s that dense. Given the war is supposed to take three years at least, it makes me wonder how in Luna’s name Firesight intends to cover the whole thing if this is the pace they will maintain.
Not that there’s anything wrong with the pacing plot-wise. Things are perpetually interesting, even when there are no actual battles going on. In this Firesight has things down pat and I have zero complaints. But considering it took them six years just to get this far, I can’t help but voice my uncertainty at whether this story will ever actually end in a way that isn’t, y’know, hanging the entire reader base out to dry.
I’m a little confused as to how this story is being written in-universe. I was under the impression Firefly and her companions were writing a book to be published, and there are multiple suggestions (most notably in the final chapter) that support this idea. And yet, mysteriously, Firefly and the other ‘authors’ keep apologizing to their “readers” about taking a long time to get material out and providing in-universe excuses. This makes it sound less like a book is being written and more like each chapter is being published individually in a magazine or something. Is it both? Are the ‘reader’ specified actually the other writers? Did Firesight simply never lock that part down and thus mixing things up? Or is Firesight making the risky move of using the story itself to apologize to real-world readers for taking so long? I have no idea.
Regardless, this story has a lot going for it. The fighting is ever-ongoing and desperate, from Epsilon’s last stand to the struggle to hold Harmony Hill to the slaughter of the Cloudsdale Weather Factory, there’s always something happening. When it’s not a big battle, it’s the social and personal struggles of the survivors, sometimes for the simple fact that they are survivors.
Although I must scowl and shake my head at the repeated use of the word “decimate”. Firesight clearly loves this word, but also clearly has no idea what it means. With its every use I was sorely tempted to comment in-story about how much it frustrated me. It was a struggle, but somehow I resisted.
Moving to a more specific topic, I loved the naval action in Thestralsovakia (which I should note is a pinnacle example of ponification). While I generally didn’t read the Author’s Notes and thus don’t know if it was ever confirmed, I got the distinct and clear impression that it was based heavily on real-world submarine scenarios. It struck me as both a clever way to introduce such a scenario into Equestria and very effective as a tense setting.
There’s also the regular use of well-created and managed battle maps that show the ongoing conflict as it is being described. I usually don’t care for images in stories, but this was a great example of how they can clarify activity in a large setting with multiple ongoing events. I especially like how the map was used to elude to and hint at a coming twist during the first battle of Harmony Hill. Then there’s how the changelings refused to provide any such maps for their own battles due to their secretive nature, which was a great way to prop up the idea that we’re reading entries from very different people from very different cultures. Very nicely done all-around, author.
I was less enthused by Firesight’s insistence on continuously adding music to the stories. The good news is that most of these were limited to links rather than videos, although Firesight did feel the pointless desire to interrupt an ongoing scene by making those links massive eyesores so you know exactly where they are, what the songs are and where they come from. I tried a couple of them, but each time I found they more interfered with my experience than anything.
The worst case was in the final chapter, when Firesight felt obliged to post the actual video (first cringe) for a song that is apparently meant to be inspiring and powerful. Which it was not (second cringe). I found it more grating than anything, and certainly not reflective of the mood clearly intended in the written scene – which, I note, you couldn’t possibly read fast enough to get through the intended pacing created by the song (third cringe). Oh, I’m sure Firesight finds the chosen song to be inspiring and moving, but that’s exactly the problem; just because they do doesn’t mean the audience will too.
But I suppose on this topic I’m preaching to deaf ears. It’s clear that these things are a staple of the series, and I wouldn’t blame Firesight for refusing to do away with them on that fact alone. If it’s what people have come to expect, perhaps it’s better not to rock the boat, even if removing them would allow the author’s capable and effective writing to take center stage as it should.
Also, just once I’d like to see one of the introduced heroes not be totally selfless. Every single character who pens an entry has to write this spiel about how they aren’t writing “for themselves and fame and fortune but to honor fallen comrades and” blah blah blah, we get it. Come on, author, you really expect me to believe that literally every major player in the war is like this? Let’s see some variety! Give me a self-confident blowhard, or a narcissist, or a coward, or something. The characters do indeed have some variety and character to them, but at their core they’re all remarkably singular in manner. As one Mortal Coil has taught us, there’s nothing wrong with having a Trixie-esque protagonist.
I digress. The positives far outweigh the negatives. The characters are genuinely interesting despite their unified “not a hero” complexes. The conflicts felt exciting and harrowing but, most importantly, realistic. Battles are clearly and impressively designed and recited. There’s a laudable devotion to demonstrating the effects of the ongoing events on the characters as individuals. The constant addition of politics into the events is a great touch, particularly on the gryphon and thestral sides (proving once more that politicians and bureaucracies are the cause of all problems). The parts told “in the present” by the ‘authors’ writing the story in-universe are no less interesting and do a great job hinting at things to come and showcasing how their lives were impacted by the war even three decades after it is over, which gives a certain credibility to the ‘reality’ of what we’re reading.
This seems less like a fanfiction and more like a genuine retelling of a bloody and hard-fought war, and deserves all its accolades as a result. It’s a pity that there’s nothing more to read of this as of this writing, but I don’t blame Firesight for that. After six years of development, I’d want to do something else for a little while too!
If you’re into war stories that take on as realistic a slant as an Equestrian setting can allow, then absolutely give this series a go.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Before the Storm: The Rise of Firefly — WHYRTY?
Five Star Service - A Gentleman for Mares Tale — WHYRTY?
Souls and Silicon
10,830 Word
By Syke Jr
Requested by LH45
Princess Luna just woke up in a prison of silicon and wires. That’s the bad news. The good news is that she put herself in it.
Set thousands of years beyond the events of FiM, this story is a science fiction in which Luna devised a means of transferring the souls of the dying into computers to live forever as “aspects”, a process she eventually chose for herself so as to better control all the magitechnology being developed. But somehow the Nightmare has returned, this time as a computer virus. Princess Luna thus reawakens to find that her soul has been reclaimed by a hidden fleet of ponies whose sole purpose was her rescue from the Nightmare.
The story seems to have two purposes. The first is worldbuilding as Syke Jr works to explain the nature of this new Equestria and, more specifically, the hidden fleet. This is not an in-depth exploration; much of the society is left for us to imagine on our own. The second purpose, much more significant, is Luna discovering that classical magic as practiced in the days of Twilight Sparkle is thought a myth by these future ponies.
This is a more important topic than it would appear on the surface. Luna created the systems by which she is now living. She helped pioneer the technology that ponies now deem normal and everyday. The fact that ponies now view oldschool magic as myth and legend should be well known to her. Even granting that she’s got plenty of lost memories due to her sleep under the Nightmare’s influence, is it not odd that when she learns of this modern element she is wholeheartedly surprised, perhaps even horrified?
Which begs the question: is this really Princess Luna, or is she a mere copy? An artificial intelligence made in her image and only possessing a portion of her memories? This question is barely brought up, to say nothing of explored. And I like that. It’s kept as a background element for the most part, and even when Luna brings the topic up she largely dismisses it. On the one hand, it may be missed entirely by the average reader who thinks this is only about Princess Luna rediscovering the means of using oldschool Friendship Magic. But for those who catch it, it may create some pleasant extra spice for their reading experience.
The only thing that bothers me is how the whole “friendship” thing played out. Supposedly, the lynchpin of the plot is Luna remembering that Friendship is literally Magic. Yet the only real sign we get of this is when she has the epiphany and befriends one pony. One. Then all of a sudden we’re on to the climax and Luna is acting in defense of her 40,000+ friends in the hidden fleet. I felt as though there was a scene missing in between, something that could have truly cemented Luna’s relationship with all these ponies rather than the mre conclusion that it is so.
I suppose it could have been a case of Luna pulling a Celestia and simply feeling entirely for herself that all her subjects are, by default, her friends and family. Seems a bit of a stretch though.
Regardless, this was a nice story in which Best Princess rediscovers what it means to be a ruler of ponies and defends them against the ever-encroaching Nightmare. It could have been more, but it’s not bad for what we got. Give it a go if you want some more Luna material or have a thing for pony sci-fi.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Only, Only, Only You
1,515 Words
By Corejo
Requested by NumberFifth
At long last, the Nightmare has returned! Its first step? Finding the one it holds dear.
Imagine for a moment that the Nightmare is a separate entity from Luna (which, depending upon your headcanon, may not be so difficult). Now imagine that it doesn’t see Luna as a means to an end but as a beloved friend, perhaps even as a romantic partner. Enter Only, Only, Only You, a poem in which the Nightmare manages to be reborn sometime after Luna’s return to Equestria and immediately seeks her out hoping to resume where they left off.
I loved the end result. Although the Nightmare still has villainous intentions, at least towards Celestia, the love it feels for Luna is depicted as very real. Which makes its reaction to Luna’s answer surprisingly painful and relatable. This isn’t some tale of a vengeful spirit out to destroy all that offends it, but that of a long-lost love coming back to discover that its dreams have withered and died.
As I reiterate every time I end up reading something done in poetic form, I can offer no criticisms whatsoever regarding the technical elements of the poetry. Don’t look to me to judge rhyming schemes and word choices here. All I can tell you is that, as an idea and as a story, I greatly enjoyed this. It does a wonderful job of painting the Nightmare as something more than a one-dimensional villain.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
For the Benefit of Mr. Kite — Pretty Good
Big Trouble — Worth It
Sprinkles — Worth It
Even A Princess Needs A Break
1,706 Words
By Mooncalf
Every once in a while, being a princess sucks. Every once in a while, Princess Twilight needs a night to herself. Every once in a while, Trixie is there to lift her spirits.
Looking at that cover art, I’m sure most people would expect this to be a romance. And yet, oddity of oddities, there’s not a romance tag to be found. And as I read the story, I find that makes a strange sort of sense. The relationship between Trixie and Twilight felt less romantic and more… I suppose close friends is a good term, but it still doesn’t feel “right”.
Trixie’s manner here is caring, but it felt more like a mother’s caring than anything. I suppose perhaps sisterly would also do. It’s a very different interpretation of their relationship, where Twilight can come to Trixie at any time and Trixie is willing to abandon all her bombast and third person-ry, drop everything and give Twilight whatever she needs to relax and just be a pony for a while. In this case, that means a massage, a (platonically) warm bed, and pancakes in the morning.
It’s sweet. It’s unusual. I rather liked it.
Give this a go if you’d like to see a different, positive idea for Twilight’s and Trixie’s relationship. I’ll rate it well just for being something I’ve not seen before with these two.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A Solution to Shipping — Pretty Good
Make a Plan, Take a Chance — Pretty Good
The Best Job in Equestria — Pretty Good
To Romance a Magician — Pretty Good
The Dragon and the Photograph
11,436 Words
By Scramblers and Shadows
The Dragon has lived a comfortable life with his hoard, a life of solitude in a cave very far away from anything that might be referred to as “civilization”. But one day while adding to his hoard, the mound shifts, unveiling a treasure he’d long forgotten. It is a photograph of a dragon whelp and a pony, and it brings with it so many uncomfortable memories.
Ouch! Those are my feels, dagnabbit!
In this hard-hitting story we watch as an adult Spike, now living in the traditional dragon way, is confronted by the memories of his life in Equestria decades or maybe even centuries ago. Scramblers and Shadows constantly switch the setting between Spike’s present and his past, and all of it relates directly to his relationship with and unrequited love for Rarity. And the more Spike remembers, the more he recalls what it is like to think like something other than a dragon.
I must note that I was tickled that the first flashback opens with Twilight trying to find an organized and scheduled method for the highly technical task that is “attending a fair”. It was a pitch-perfect Twilight moment.
But what really caught my eye was when Spike’s hoard comes under threat from an older, bigger dragon. Spike reacts aggressively, starting a fight immediately. But you notice he goes out of his way to avoid causing any lethal damage and even responds negatively to the taste of blood. Bear in mind, this is when Spike is entirely in “real dragon” mode, a savage brute devoted only to, quote, “feeding, fighting, and fornicating”. The narrative never calls direct attention to why he takes such an approach, and that only accentuates how much I appreciated the moment and the many different connotations it had. Then you get that epilogue (or something like an epilogue) that confirms everything I thought that moment was saying – again, without being direct about it.
I loved that. As a writer and as a storyteller.
But the whole point of the story is Spike’s relationship with Rarity. And even though I’ve seen this topic broached time and time again over countless stories, I still teared up in the last scene to feature the Pony Everypony Should Know. It was a truly touching moment that brought together the entire story.
This was a great read, and easily the best thing I’ve seen from this author so far. I can’t recommend it enough.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Cold Light — Pretty Good
Conversations with Dead Ponies — Pretty Good
Stories for Next Time:
Pinkie’s Pies by Uz Naimat
Gems x Apples by Jack Daniels
High Noon: Applejack by Ninjadeadbeard
The Dangers of Personal Growth by Silent Whisper
Fallout: Equestria - Jacknife Days by Cascadejackal
The Courtship Catastrophe by Dianwei32
Trixie Lulamoon - Consulting Detective by DEI Caboose
Where We Belong by BlazzingInferno
Roses Are Red, Dummy! by Summer Dancer
Sparkle's No. 1 Assistant by Wanderer D
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Alright, some more for the RiL shelf!
That firefly review is pretty funny, it feels like a summary of every good war fic on here "characters are good, but in one weird way all the same, pace is amazing but it's 400k words over the course of a week, music is either amazing (like that one ace combat fic) or super cringe" etc etc
You should absolutely check out From Front to Front. it's the best I've read. Besides a few chapters being duds it's near perfect.
No real commentary on your Japanese niece this time, though glad to hear she vibed well with the wild side of the family. And yeah, I'd probably react that way to crawfish were that my first encounter with it too.
As for the fics, less than three months to get Girlfriend Friend 2 on here after the first, quick turnaround! I get the logic, of course, and I'm sure you've had shorter gaps between a fic and its sequel before. I broadly agree that its to its benefit the fic wasn't more of the same while also finding the drop to more crackfic territory did mean it didn't work as well, so it also dropped a rating for me. But given the original nabbed a Really Good for me, this still worked fine, eeyup.
Very surprising that two of the three WHYRTY here were for short fics; I've grown very used to fics, more often than not, needing to be long enough to last and have a lot of meat to them to nab that rating for you. That, or you're really inclined towards a cracking longform fic, and unlike most of us, make the time to read plenty of them. But I'll give Goats of Summer a look, sound comically random in a way I'd vibe with. Even A Princess Needs A Break has my attention too, because I tire very easily of Starlight/Trixie shenanigans and much prefer interpretations working from her earlier incarnation, especially when they don't just play the villain revenge or romance card with Twilight. Count me intrigued!
For all its strengths, that long, long war story really accentuates why I don't bother with such tales normally, irrespective of length: they get rather drunk of their own importance and only get some of the way towards making up for it, and at that length, odd tendencies and choices began to irk more and more when they're a regular thing. But, to each his own.
I shall bear in mind the two top-rated fics that aren't incredibly long, but weirdly the one I most want to look at is Know Why the Nightingale Sings despite its "Needs Work" rating. I'm somehow intrigued by it, and at that length it's not going to be a disaster if I end up disliking it.
Sidenote: not a single fic this week or in next week's batch that I've actually read! Okay, you read far more longfics than I do, but even so. I guess it just goes to show how big the pool to dip in on this site actually is.
fuck yeah, Goats of Summer! :D I also was a big fan of Only, Only, Only You, and I am here to judge rhyming schemes and word choices, so you needn't fret :B
Also, Scramblers and Shadows! Now that's a name I've not heard in a long time. >obiwan.jpg
Can relate. I remember being six and seeing my dad clean-shaven for the first time. Had a very strong moment of a dissociation and an awkward interaction of who the heck are you you're not daddy I don't trust you noooo.
I do so love these stories about you and your niece. They are pure and delightful and I'm very happy for you.
Cromch
I haven't even read the previous stuff yet, mang. I'll get to it one day, I swear. I swear!
I guess it's just as well. The next two months of my life are about to be very busy and I wouldn't be able to give it the time it deserves anyway.
I would have loved to help on the horror story instead, but I am probably one of the worst people to ask when it comes to the genre. It's just never done anything for me. I don't think I could offer much feedback when I am incapable of telling the gold from the crud. Maybe it's cause horror is meant to tap into a very different primal kind of emotion than most other fiction? I dunno.
Seeing the sudden rise of Fiddledust stuff in the past year has been really cool. It's an explosion of creativity in the most random direction that hearkens back to the early days.
I'm definitely intrigued by that last one, but kinda wanna hold off cause it feels like most of the Sparity I've read is sad and non-happy-ending stuff. I just want to see those two fulfill each other meaningfully and beat the odds, damn it.
That's fair. I'm no poet myself, but I found this one highly digestible (not to mention delectable) and figured you might agree. Plus, I get antsy if I go too long without making a review request. Speaking of, I'd like to float a couple more by you sometime soon.
5723935
Whaaaaaaaaat that's not true. Sure, the stuff on Paul's top shelf might have an average wordcount (61,187) more than twice as much as any of his other shelves (in descending order: 30,109 - 22,962 - 22,271, not including his Crackfics or Missed Audience shelves, any stories rated as 'none' or 'incomplete', any stories deleted from FimFic, or any stories hosted on another site entirely, data precise as of 20/04/23), but there are still plenty of shorter stories with high marks. Why, only 87 stories (roughly 23%) in WHYRTY are categorized as 'long' by Paul's standards (meaning <70k words), while 122 (32%) are 'short' stories (>10k)
But yeah, the longer a story is, the higher chance it has of being rated well. Generally speaking. So you might be right.
Forgive me, I like data.
Thanks again for reviews, and see you next week, Paul. After that my stopping by may be inconsistent cause I dunno how accessible wifi will be on top of a mountain, but I'll still do my best to check in when I can. I do so enjoy the way you write. And review.
5723954
Rated up for statistics.
It was a good relevant story!
You were on the mind since Goats of Summer was written as a tweak based on an exchange we had in your blog. (Link here to my blog teasing that, click on the "controversial" hyperlink for your blog--or click here--comment 39 and work backwards. Apologies if you already knew that. I was not sure if the story landed on your list because of that or because of some other reason or via Present Perfect's pulchritudinous piece on it. 
I often link related relevant stories in my author's notes to promote attention, but I do not do it as extensively as I did before. I am not sure it is widely appreciated, it takes a bit of time (especially if a clever lead-in is authored) and I know some people very much do not like it.
Contrariwise: I noted an uptick in "read" numbers on some linked stories clustered around the time of my postings; however, so I may have happily directed a bit of traffic to past pieces. 
Now,
or a story aggressively using color...
and instead for it to be a story completely comprised of hyperlinks. 
But... we will see. 
SparklingTrixieWeI am tempted for my next experimental story for a hypothetical 1000 words contest to not be an ARG (alternate reality game)Thank you! Given your comment about links, you may want me to steer you clear of a few otherwise great pieces.
Feel free to ask via private message. 
Hey, that treatment of Nightmare Moon in Corejo's story reminds me of something I did with her once. Great minds think alike! Corejo's a great guy, even when he's drunk.
That just poses further questions your niece may know the answer to: Is the length of one's facial hair indicative of how many kids they have? What about a lack of hair atop one's head? Surely that means something! What does a man-bun signify?
I feel like there could be quite the entertaining field guide there.
5723921
It seems war readers and writers know what they like.
Eh, I'll put From Front to Front on my incompletes list. I'm not about to start something that isn't finished yet.
5723935
Yeah, I didn't want the blog part to go on for too long and I had more to talk about than just Evy, so I compromised. I can tell you that she's not near as wary of crabs. She's also a little speed demon; I took her and all the other kids on a ride using my uncle's four-wheeler and 6-seater trailer. When the little kids got off so the two big boys could go faster, she insisted on sticking around and thoroughly enjoyed herself. Also, Mom and Dad bought a trampoline for all the kids. I tried to show Evy how to bounce on it while sitting down (one of the few tricks my middle-aged self can still do), and she simultaneously found it hilarious and impossible to replicate. I also learned that weekend that my sister's solution to "monsters in the closet" is to use anti-monster spray (read: Febreze). Apparently monsters can't stand smelling like flowers.
Alas, I'm not going to be headed there this weekend, so I won't have any new stories to share next blog. I've neglected my own house too long and it needs a thorough spring cleaning before my dear sister arrives. Since dear sis will show up next weekend, I need to do the job now.
One of the rules I've always had was that if I read a story that has a sequel and I liked it, the sequel automatically goes into my lists. Since my lists are much shorter now due to my years of diligence and RiL restraint, I can get to those sequels far faster. Unless they're long stories, in which case I'm doomed.
I greatly favor ambition in writers, and we practitioners of the art know that writing a story of any length other than "knocked it out in a week" is quite ambitious. So yes, while the numbers (generously provided by 5723954) demonstrate that I do give the rating to shorter stories, I think the only reason those numbers don't heavily favor larger ones is simply how long it takes to read them. If I read 100 short stories in the time it takes to read 10 long ones, naturally the short stories will have a larger share of top picks.
5723950
A, good. I encourage this. It's the kind of story where I can't say with any certainty that others won't get more out of it than I did.
Yeah, it's huge. I'm not surprised I'm hitting things you haven't. Even with the greatly reduced number of submitted stories these days, it's impossible to keep up.
5723954
Sounds like me and poetry. Still, it's a pity.
On the other hand, while it will definitely have horror elements, I'm hoping to make this one into something better than "just" horror. Less Nightmare on Elm Street and more It. Don't know if I can pull that off, especially considering all the things I want to happen and the fact I might make this the introductory story of a new AU. I'm honestly not sure how it'll be received. Either I'll get praised for a fresh spin or burned in effigy for ruining a classic.
I'm not jealous. Who said anything about being jealous?
5723973
I can't recall why I put Goats of Summer on my lists. I tend to forget what I said yesterday, so nine months is little more than dust in the wind. That said, I wouldn't be the least surprised if it got on my lists because of our conversation.
This mystifies me. I mean, why wouldn't you want positive attention called to your story by another author? But then I know from eye-rolling experience that there are some people out there who can't be convinced that any attention at all is "positive".
Meh, they're not a deal-breaker. Annoying for their pointlessness, to be certain, but if that alone kept me from enjoying a story then I think I'd have to hang up my reviewer's cloak.
5723951
IKR? I was kind of surprised I haven't read more by them.
5723977
Given how imaginative she is, I bet she'd have some good silly responses!
5723976
No u.
Glad you liked OOOY, Paul. It was an interesting one to put together, but I do really like how it turned out. It's still strange to think that it came from a Write-Off prompt.
This was a nice surprise. Thanks for the review! And a belated thanks for the previous review, too (I think I missed that one when it came out).
TD&TP has kind of a sentimental place for me. If it hadn't turned out as well as it did -- and that was more luck than skill -- I don't think I would have got into writing. In some ways, I owe a huge chunk of my life for the past decade to that little fic.