Paul's Thursday Reviews CCLXXI · 8:45pm Nov 4th, 2021
Happy Turkey Month, folks. Coming to you from my parents’ place, housesitting the dogs. And cat. And chickens.
Good news! The artist and I have finished the preliminary sketches of the cover art for the next BPH ‘short’. It may be another two or three weeks before it’s done, but it’s good to know we’re finally getting there. Be patient, folks: Gunslinger Rarity’s on her way.
No big story this time. The Halloween review for Prey was originally set for today and I never felt the need to refill the slot. Have a bunch of short/medium stories instead.
Reviews!
Stories for This Week:
Wonka Vs. Applejack by MrPeaches
Story of the Blanks by Aoshi Stark
Don't Open the Door by Grimm
Sprinkles by Corejo
The Art of the Blade by Monochromatic
Sunscarred by Masterweaver
Total Word Count: 69,611
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 3
Worth It: 1
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
Wonka Vs. Applejack
14,202 Words
By MrPeaches
It’s the height of Zap Apple Season, and the Apple Family got a boom crop this year. Everything’s looking great… until a strange, gangly creature calling itself Willie Wonka shows up at their window inquiring about the delicious fragrances. Wonka – chocolatier, businessman and interdimensional journeyman – wants some Zap Apples for his factory. Applejack ain’t quite convinced he’s not Discord in disguise.
It is a testament to his everlasting depiction of the character that I was unable to read Wonka’s dialogue without Gene Wilder’s voice and mannerisms in my head. That made this, dare I say, magical.
The title is a little clickbaity, in that this has nothing to do whatsoever with Wonka and Applejack being at odds with one another. The story starts off with Wonka trying to convince the Apples and Applejack in particular to do business with him, but eventually evolves into a proper adventure in which Pinkie Pie and Twilight join them to go hunting for legendary flora in the Great Glass Elevator. If you have any love of the classic Wonka story, that’ll sound like a lot of fun. Alas, I cannot vouch for the depiction's accuracy in relation to the book, which I have not read.
I have no complaints. Wonka is appropriately wonky. I have to admit, his reaction to meeting a real-live dragon in the flesh cracked me up. Top that with delightfully in-character depictions of our beloved ponies, some endearing narrative, and a fun adventure and you’ve got a golden apple on your hands.
This one’s been sitting on my waiting list ever since it was released, and now I wish I’d gotten to it sooner. A shame that this is the only thing written by this author before they disappeared from the site. At least we have this.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Story of the Blanks
15,415 Words
By Aoshi Stark
After a little badgering, Apple Bloom convinces Twilight Sparkle to let her come along on a visit to Zecora’s. Which is perfectly normal for the filly, really. What isn’t normal is the strange apparition she spots among the poison joak, or the trees that somehow collapsed across a path that was clear not ten minutes ago. Twilight will be busy with that for a while, so Apple Bloom decides to investigate this ghostly thingamadoodle as it leads her deeper into the woods…
This marks the third time I’ve read this story. I didn’t realize I’d not reviewed it until a few months ago when I was trying to do some research for a little side project of mine, and of course I had to correct such a mistake. For those of you unaware, Story of the Blanks is one of the oldest creepypastas of the MLP:FiM community. While it lacks the infamy of Cupcakes or reputation of Silent Ponyville, it has nonetheless endured as a staple of the horror genre to the point that there are plenty of spinoffs and expansions by eager fans. As I recall, the idea started not as a FIMFiction story but as a fan-made video game, which I have indeed played. Heck, I even wrote a chapter of No Heroes to serve as an homage to it.
It’s unclear who Aoshi Stark really is. They could be the creator of the game themselves attempting a novelization. It could be the alt-account of some other user. The only thing we know for certain is that Aoshi Stark is a nonentity, this story and a single unrelated blog serving as their entire FIMFiction career. Way to be mysterious, author.
Anyhow, in case you’re somehow not in the know, Story of the Blanks has Apple Bloom come upon what is essentially a ghost town deep in the Everfree Forest. There she works to uncover the mystery of the town, which presumably was founded before Cutie Marks became ingrained as a normal part of pony physiology. Without spoiling too much, it ends up a tale of curses and misdirected fear.
The very first thing I noticed this time around is how… simple the writing style is. It’s direct. Heck, it’s downright Telly. The author does a generally poor job with atmosphere, immersion, and getting us into Apple Bloom’s head. Which is too bad; directly properly, this could have been a gold mine.
I also can’t help but notice how… “gamey” the events are. Apple Bloom talks to one pony. She whines about not being able to talk to a stallion. So Apple Bloom talks to the stallion. He whines that he lost a gift for the mare and can’t talk to her without it. Later, Apple Bloom finds the gift and gives it to him. Side-quest complete! Oh, look, he moved out of the way of that door.
Yeah, the Video Game is strong with this one.
So the writing is grammatically fine, but stylistically dull. The way things advance isn’t all that riveting. This doesn’t change that the underlying story has some curious elements. Apparently, these ponies existed before Cutie Marks were a thing. And when Cutie Marks started to show up, they reacted… poorly, especially after a nearby town got reduced to ashes while facing a severe outbreak of Cutie Pox. This by itself leads to lots of questions regarding how Cutie Marks evolved or, perhaps, were created. Then there’s the strong insinuation that the Everfree Forest itself is responsible for placing the curse on the town as a punishment, which of course implies that the Everffree is a sentient entity. There’s even the suggestion that the cursed ponies have it in themselves to be freed if they could just figure out their mistake, suggesting that the zomponies are also sentient despite suggestions otherwise.
Point is, there’s a lot of potential in this story for expansion, for exploration, for evolution. It’s no wonder there are a lot of stories written by other writers out there, this thing is just begging for that kind of treatment. Whether that’s a good thing or not may depend upon your view of storytelling – the “Need to Know” sort may be miffed. Someone like me, who loves to see opportunities for such growth, will think of it as a great asset.
I come away from this read-through with mixed feelings. On the one hand, the writing style can’t capture the kind of tension I feel such a concept deserves. In a way, it’s underwhelming when you consider the hype. At the same time, I like the story in general for what it is trying to do, even if it fails. Part of me wants to give it a middle-ground rating, but I suspect that has less to do with the story’s quality and more to do with the nostalgia factor. Looking at everything, I think I know where the story belongs on my bookshelves, although I kind of wish it didn’t.
Even so, I’m sure it’s legacy will endure.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Don't Open the Door
13,654 Words
By Grimm
Applejack and Rainbow Dash were out hunting Timberwolves, hoping to put an end to them tormenting the farm. It started out so simple, and they were both so confident. Now Applejack’s leg is broken in a way that makes even Rainbow squeamish, and the night is coming. They discover an ancient, abandoned house to take shelter in. Doing so may have been their greatest mistake.
Whew. This was a wicked one. Applejack and Rainbow find themselves trapped inside as something outside their cabin stalks about and tries to get through the door. It’s not just some Everfree creature banging against the walls, either; this thing knows their names. It knows their friends’ names. It can imitate their voices. And, worst of all, it can make you… forget. Our two heroines must conquer themselves and work together just to remember that no matter who they hear calling, they must never open that door.
For a while I thought I knew what would break them. I caught the names, noticed an omission, and thought “That one. That’ll be the one to do it.” I was dead wrong, the (possibly unintentional) hint nothing but a red herring. Grimm’s choice was far more appropriate anyway. Those last few thousand words of struggle and heartbreak and oh shit were intense.
This is a good one, folks, and the open ending makes it all the better. This is the kind of horror I like to see.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
There's a Monster Under the Stairs — Pretty Good
Twilight Sparkle wants to learn how to bake, and there’s nopony better to help her bake than Applejack Pinkie Pie!
This one’s a little deceptive. It’s supposed to be about Pinkie teaching a pre-alicornication Twilight how to bake cupcakes. Instead, it’s Twilight reading instructions from a book – which, as she’s Twilight, she has to obey to the letter – and Pinkie trying to make the whole episode into something fun for the both of them. They claim at the end that it was indeed fun, but I’d argue that’s only because Pinkie’s definition of “fun” is so adaptable.
The story is apparently meant to be a lesson on not having to do everything “by the book”, and I suppose it works somewhat for that purpose. Twilight and Pinkie are both decently characterized, but the end felt too… easy. Especially when we watch Twilight Lives-Breaths-&-Eats-Books Sparkle literally throw a book out a closed window and act like it’s no big deal. What happened to that decent characterization the whole story had going for it?
If I had to pin the whole thing down in a single word, it would be clumsy. There are a lot of quirky and off things happening here that I’m not sure Corejo thought all the way through. For example, at no point does anyone notice that this isn’t a baking lesson. It’s not a lesson at all. It’s Twilight baking and Pinkie being in her vicinity. But since this is supposed to be a lesson, shouldn’t the fact that it’s not be upsetting someone? Shouldn’t Pinkie be annoyed that Twilight’s lecturing the pony with a lifetime of baking experience? Shouldn’t Twilight wonder if something’s wrong when Pinkie seems to abandon the session entirely near the end?
Shouldn’t there be something wrong?
I suppose that if you’re willing to roll with it and not think about it too much, then you may get something out of this. It’s got Twilight obsessing over a book and trying to be perfect and Pinkie being… Well, Pinkie. Naturally, these two things tend to be amusing. If that’s all you’re after, by all means indulge.
But I felt like Corejo failed to effectively combine these two things, especially within the context of the setting, and so I can’t give this more than a moderate rating.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
For the Benefit of Mr. Kite — Pretty Good
Big Trouble — Worth It
The Art of the Blade
12,152 Words
By Monochromatic
Sequel to Sleeping Arrangements
In an effort to repair relations between Saddle Arabia and… uh… her nation, Princess Twilight Sparkle hosts Duke Sands for a few days. On the very last day, the Duke makes a most unwelcome offer: to trade bodyguards for a few hours, mostly so he can wine and dine Twilight’s. This might have been okay if Twilight’s bodyguard wasn’t Rarity and she wasn’t madly in love with the mare. Alas, Rarity is quite keen on the idea…
At this point I question if it is even possible for Mono to write something I don’t thoroughly enjoy.
Here we find a surprising reversal of the AU this is supposed to be part of, namely that it’s Rarity who is the bodyguard and Twilight who is the princess. You might see this and question exactly what makes this part of the Bodyguard AU. Then the epilogue comes along and you’re all like “Oooooooooh, this whole thing makes a lot more sense now.”
What we end up with is a fun story in which Princess Twilight drives herself crazy trying to figure out why her beloved bodyguard would risk her unbridled jealousy to go on a date with a damn Saddle Arabian duke. Twilight’s ease at being flustered is one of the highlights of the story. Along the way is a “Lady” Pinkie Pie (I’d love to know her exact position amongst the nobility), Pinkie’s ever-loyal and concerned bodyguard Rainbow Dash, and a bevy of clues and suggestions regarding what’s really going on.
And then there is, of course, Rarity being awesome. Because of course she is. Is it a little exaggerated? Maybe, but that’s kinda the point and I loved it anyway. I’ll grant this is definitely due to my biased faith regarding Rarity as a truly capable individual in whatever she sets her mind towards given enough time, preparation, and incentive. Those who have an incorrect opinion of her overarching abilities may not enjoy it as much as I did. And even I have already acknowledged that it’s definitely a bit much, so…
But hey, I had fun. Lots of fun. As I’m sure Princess Rarity did. This is one case where I’ll call that “Good enough for me.”
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Enchanted Library — WHYRTY?
Injuring Eternity — WHYRTY?
The Princess's Gift — Pretty Good
The Masquerade — Pretty Good
T-plus Seven Hundred and Sixty-Nine Days — Pretty Good
Sunscarred
11,153 Words
By Masterweaver
Sequel to Sunshipped
Sunset Shimmer and Starlight Glimmer decided to do a magic experiment. Now there are seven Sunset Shimmers running around the human world and her friends have no idea what to do about it. Running low on ideas, Starlight decides to contact the original Sunset Shimmer: Sunburst.
First thing’s first: this is set in that AU of Masterweaver’s in which Sunburst used an untested spell to create Sunset Shimmer as a clone of himself, mostly because he was lonely and pathetic and desperate for some company. The last three stories were all centered around this idea at least in some way.
When this one starts, it feels largely chaotic. There are seven Sunset’s running around, each being a major aspect of her personality and all doing their own things. Two are fighting a battle to the death (not the two you’d think), one went out dancing, another just wants ice cream, and so on. The rest of the Humane 7 are out trying to wrangle them all into one location while Sci-Twi and Sunburst try to figure out how to fix them. It’s a little crazy and frequently entertaining.
Then the Sirens get involved. Reluctantly. Extremely reluctantly.
Much of this is a bunch of silly fun for its own sake, but Masterweaver does make an effort at the end to turn it all into a lesson about self-identity. How well that works will be up to interpretation, but I feel it did decently enough under the circumstances. I imagine most people will want to read it purely to see Sunset Shimmer being weird, which I am cool with.
Also, Sonata gets legit pissed at her fellow sirens. I was all, like, “Whoa.” I think this is the first time I’ve seen her characterized in such a… serious way. For a certain definition of ‘serious’.
An unorthodox way to end this series, but “unorthodox” seems to be Masterweaver’s thing. Nothing wrong with that, but it may come off as quirky to some. Regardless, I had a lot of fun.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Psychadelic — WHYRTY?
Cadance's Educational Video — Pretty Good
Sunsplit — Pretty Good
Sunspawned — Pretty Good
Sunshipped — Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
Unfinished by redsquirrel456
Rules of Engagement by I-A-M
Breaking the Ice by Krickis
Recall Memories of Midnight by Tangerine Blast
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Heads up for next week, Rules of Engagement is amazing.
Wonka vs. Applejack was fucking amazing, it's such a shame that author never did anything else.
Have to agree with you on the next two, as well. And I had the exact same difficulties trying to figure out Aoshi Stark's deal, too.
I read Corejo's story long ago. It was part of a cooperative group effort to mutually provide feedback, and several of my older stories came from that. I do remember having a plot concern with it, but I don't remember exactly what it was.
This story is ancient. Was this seriously nine years ago? Stop, please. You're making me feel so goddamn old.
On the story itself, though, it's agreeably not one of my better ones, but I am still fond of the "furiously reading" line, for how stupid it is.
Don't Open the Door is legitimately one of my favorite things I've ever read. Not just in terms of fanfics, in terms of works of literature period. And I keep forgetting to directly comment on it. >_> Guess I ought to reread it again.
A little saddened you didn't have more to say about it but I suppose that's inevitable given that it's not an especially long story and saying too much would spoil the experience. x) I'm personally of the opinion that the situation of the story is largely an allegory for the acceptance of death.
Also I recently went through the first two Enchanted trilogy stories so I guess I'm going to have to look at more of Monochromatic's content while I wait for The Enchanted Carousel to be complete and this Bodyguard series seems like a good place to start.
5604781
I'm shallow enough that I don't tend to detect things like allegories unless they're thrown in my face, so... Don't Open the Door was an all-around good story, but I absolutely did not want to spoil it. It strikes me as the kind of story best entered blindly.
A warning on the bodyguard stories: they are not in chronological order. Still, they're great RariTwi fluff pieces, and that's all I wanted/needed them to be. Alas, the final story in the series, which also looked like it was going to be the major story of the series, never got further than two chapters. A disappointment, that.