Paul's Thursday Reviews CXXII · 9:33pm Jul 5th, 2018
A belated happy 4th to my fellow ‘Muricans out there.
This has been a good week. I produced a new one shot that I hope to release mid-July (just waiting for a response from the cover artist, as usual) and pulled off 2.5k words a day for a week straight. That streak will end tomorrow when I go to visit my parents, but hey, I’ve got my momentum back, so who’s complaining? If I keep this up I may have another Life of Pie chapter out in a few days.
Speaking of No Heroes stories, I went back through all of my stories and created anthologies lists. So now if you visit, say, Reddux the Tyrant you’ll find a list of all the stories in its timeline in order of in-world chronology, all linked. This was inspired by Novel-Idea’s similar methodology in his Wavelengths Timeline series (which you should read, by the way). I now have these anthology lists created for every story in the No Heroes, Trixie vs. Equestria, and Fleur-Verse timelines, as well as the Them series. Some of those are part of multiple timelines and so get multiple lists.
On a not-so-related note, I learned the other day that now you can prevent commentary and ratings on stories. My only thought here is: why? Why in Luna’s name would you want to deny yourself criticism? If your constitution is so feeble that you can’t take the heat… well, that’s a problem that goes far beyond writing. I can’t think of any situation where I’d want to prevent people from commenting or rating one of my stories.
Meh, strangeness aside: reviews!
Stories for This Week:
Exes by Donraj
The Equestria Games: Flight of the Pegasi by Cerulean Voice
Gravity by Avox
Telos by Foehn
Civil Distinction by SpitFlame
Double by Jack of a Few Trades
Listen by Taialin
Blur by Fire Gazer the Alchemist
Forget me Not by Lupine Infernis
Psychadelic by Masterweaver
Total Word Count: 245,991
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 1
Worth It: 6
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
I’m not sure what I expected, but this wasn’t it. When the description says “Twilight and Rarity talk about their dating history.”, it means exactly that. There’s nothing else there. No introduction. No ending. No purpose. The barest glimpse of a setting. This story is literally just Twilight and Rarity segueing from some unknown conversation into exes and stopping when that part of the conversation ends.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a story handled quite like this one. I’m not sure if the blatant ignoring of common storytelling practice (y’know, all that rising action and climax and character development, yadda yadda) is a good thing or not. Clearly, people like it or it wouldn’t have such a high rating. Is that just because the content is amusing (if unrealistic)? Probably. I doubt it comes from people praising the unusual manner of the delivery.
Still, you might be entertained if you want to hear Twilight talking about dating Trixie or Rarity about dating Applejack – both somehow before the events of the show. I liked what I read, I was just confused by how the story worked.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Perks — Needs Work
The Equestria Games: Flight of the Pegasi
13,564 Words
By Cerulean Voice
Alternate Title: Cerulean Voice Has No Idea How Athletic Competition Works
Cerulean Voice wrote this story before the airing of Equestria Games, making it into his vision of what the big event could/ should have been. I recall him being distinctly disappointed in the show’s version. Well, I’m sorry to say I’m more disappointed in this one.
Obviously, this story is about the Equestria Games. Not so obvious: apparently the pegasus relay race is the only event in Cerulean’s version. He never outright says this, but I can think of no other explanation for how things went. Celestia, Luna, and Philomena all got into the act, casting unique spells to guarantee a big show. Am I expected to believe that they do this for every event at the Equestria Games? Because given their reasons for doing the acts, one would think they would provide the same level of challenge to every single event. But that would make the Games go on for ages as they worked on each event, one at a time, while dealing with scheduling conflicts and the fact they have to, y’know, actually rule a country. So no, this must be the only event of the Equestria Games. Which is pretty lame, considering it wouldn’t be called the Equestria Games if not every race in Equestria could participate. It also wouldn’t be called Games since there’s only one game.
And to make matters worse, apparently the entire concept of an athletic competition is lost to CV. The idea is to win the race and beat the competition. So when Luna puts in an obstacle in the second round designed to force the competitors to work together in the spirit of camaraderie and bravery and harmony, thereby practically guaranteeing they’ll all win the round at the same time, it screams ignorance. Why are we putting obstacles into the game that, by their very nature, stand against the entire point of athletic competition? Worse still, anyone who doesn’t cooperate can literally ignore the obstacle and get a gigantic lead, and thus would be rewarded for defying the point of the obstacle/. And somehow this was supposed to be a good idea?
Let’s just ignore the fact the first part of the second round – Fluttershy’s – was literally designed to give the competitors heart attacks and threatens their very lives by forcing them to work past the limits of pony endurance.
Lastly, why is all of this viewed as a surprise? Apparently the Equestria Games are a regular thing, so how is it that these extreme, dangerous, totally-missing-the-point occurrences are unexpected? You can’t tell me the princesses decided to do all of this just for this one event, that would be dumb and probably unethical.
In Cerulean’s defence, the story is decently written and includes a mystery that, while obvious and possibly a little racist, keeps things interesting plot-wise. But the sheer absurdity of everything happening in regards to the Games kept me in a state of incredulity from beginning to end. Cerulean warned me that I might not care for this story, and I’m sorry to say he was right.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
"Mah Barn Door Don't Swing That Way!" — Pretty Good
Burning Day Brethren — Pretty Good
Essenza di Amore — Pretty Good
Diamond Eyes — Worth It
These Flowers Never Bloom — Worth It
Written in a time when Amending Fences was little more than a storyteller’s fantasy never expected to be, Gravity reveals to us that Twilight is bored and needs something new to do. Her unimaginative solution leads her to Canterlot, where she bumps into somepony entirely unexpected: Moon Dancer.
This is brief and did a great job of showing that even the Princess of Friendship has a lot to learn about friendship. It’s a nice little showing of Twilight’s insecurities, but not anything overdramatic or deep. At the same time, it made me wonder if the original problem of the story had even been addressed – namely, Twilight’s boredom. Okay, so she got an old friend back. When she’s back in Ponyville, how exactly will this solve the initial problem of boredom?
In a way, it’s also a bit disappointing. I mean, Twilight spends all her time reading, eating, and sleeping? Has she forgotten she has five friends (and probably more besides) who would be happy to have her around to do something else for a little while? It’s almost like she’s forgotten that one of the benefits of having friends is spending time with them.
Which is… strange. But meh, people go through moods, and I shouldn’t be surprised if Twilight briefly falls back into her old ways.
The story didn’t wow me, but it was a nice little read with no significant drawbacks.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Into a Goodbye Sky — Pretty Good
Sinners in the Hooves of an Angry Goddess — Worth It
What on Equestria did I just read?
I’m more than a little confused. We’ve got a couple having a discussion about one of their relatives. We’ve got a doddering, senile old guard bumping into ponies. We’ve got two regular guards getting ambushed in a cargo car. We’ve got a thief who really knows what he’s doing. And then we’ve got… a… uh… omniscient ghost mare in a box asking crazy questions for no definable reason?
I think I’d have to read through this one two or two dozen times before I really get what happened at the end and why, assuming there is a “why” to find. It’s stories like this that make me feel like a shallow author and reader. It’s wonderfully written with a delightfully witty narrative voice, but that doesn’t help my ultimate confusion.
A fascinating read, but also a thoroughly strange one. Make sure to go into it with your entire brain ready for the exercise, because you’re going to need it. As for me, I’m willing to put it on the middle ground rather than throwing it into my “not for me” bookshelf. The story is ultimately interesting, buoyed by a narrative that refuses to quit, and by Celestia, I may actually be inclined to read this one a few more times in an (likely vain) effort to understand it. I think that’s worth keeping on my bookshelves.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A Tale Told — WHYRTY?
Grey — Pretty Good
Civil Distinction
181,166 Words
By SpitFlame
Requested by SpitFlame
Sequel to Elements of Honor
I did not want to read this. No, mark that: I really did not want to read this. The prior story made little sense at all, and that’s only a part of the reason its ending thoroughly pissed me off. But SpitFlame made the request, and despite my supreme distaste for the idea I felt a horrid little curiosity to know where he planned on taking it from there.
In this Dishonored crossover, we find that King Sombra has returned thanks to Corvo Attano’s last arrival in Equestria (something to do with his brand of magic reacting to Sombra’s dark magic). Corvo, known as the Wandering Stranger in his home city of Dunwall (think Batman with magic), receives a letter he believes is from Celestia. Which is impossible, because he killed Celestia in the last story. So he promptly returns to land of talking neon horses to figure out what the heck’s going on. The next thing he knows, he’s caught up in a fight to protect Equestria from Sombra.
That’s a grossly oversimplified summary, but it’ll do.
Before touching on any other topic, I should note this first: SpitFlame made a tragic mistake. Specifically, he declared that everything from the previous story was a lie. None of it matters, and that ending that so thoroughly pissed you off (as it should) is void. Celestia and Luna are still alive, Corvo’s not a psychopath, and the Outsider’s not omniscient. I would like to inform every author out there: never do this. It cheapens everything that’s ever happened and tells the readers from this point onwards not to take anything that happens in the story seriously because the author will probably retcon it at the first opportunity. If you really want a redo, make it a new story.
Moving on. Reading this story and looking at my views of the last one, I think I can safely say that this one is better in terms of how it is delivered. The author doesn’t bother to create a massive web of overcomplicated nonsense just to get to an ending that could have been achieved in one chapter. No, this time the adventure (mostly) makes sense, and that alone is a huge improvement.
There’s still the issue of the archaic writing style. At this point I think I’m okay with it, but I would argue it only works for short stories/ one shots, not for overlong adventures such as this. It gets very tiring and very difficult to follow very quickly, not to mention how dense it all is.
Let me give you a simple, unrelated example. Let’s say you’re on an island and you have to find pages of either blue or red scattered on it. That’s enough. Reader gets the point, if not the context. Here is how SpitFlame would probably describe the same scenario:
“Somewhere in that vast repository of the world’s sodium-enriched water lies an island peculiar in its unpeculiarity, within which stands alone in his isolation an intrepid soul, lost with no knowledge or awareness of how he arrived, that is, an orphan in the hands of that fickle mistress Fate. This orphan must hurriedly, but with great lax in his countenance and urgency, locate papers of two distinct and opposing colors - mortal enemies, as it were - of that oh-so-ominous crimson and delicate yet viscerally melancholic cerulean, which are hidden throughout the island’s many mysterious and plain facilities, which include thus: a library, a planetarium, a log cabin, a clock tower, a dock beside a sunken sailing vessel, a life-sized model spaceship, an underground bunker, and a set of somewhat whimsically spaced sunken gears.”
Now imagine an entire story written like this, complete with the direct contradictions and needless reiterations. If this style turns you off, don’t expect to get past the first few paragraphs.
That being said, I am thoroughly impressed that SpitFlame was able to keep up this writing style for two straight stories totalling over 260k words combined. Maybe it got easier with practice, but regardless I wouldn’t want to subject myself to that.
It does come with a few caveats. The first is that, continuing from the last story, most of the characters sound nothing at all like their in-show counterparts. Even that might be okay if SpitFlame stuck with it from beginning to end, but he doesn’t. Certain characters - Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie, just to name a few - still sound like they do in-show. Why is this? I can’t help but note that the more intellectual types - the Princesses, Twilight, and Rarity, for example - speak in a manner that largely maintains the style of the dialogue. So… are we to believe that only the intellectuals and the elite speak like this? That smacks dangerously of class prejudice. It also messes with the flow of the story, which is already on thin ice given the convoluted writing style.
Speaking of flow, that’s one of the issues with the story. Because of the dense, verbose writing style, it can sometimes be difficult to understand exactly what a character or the narration is trying to say. This is at its worst when a character like Corvo is trying to make a point - perhaps teach a lesson or argue one side of a debate. The argument runs so long, is filled with so many tangents and side points and observations, that by the end of it one is forced to either re-read the whole thing or simply move on with the assumption it doesn’t have any effect on the plot anyway. Both are disastrous, one for ruining the flow of the story and the other for potentially ruining or losing a critical idea that may make a later scene more meaningful. You have to be willing to read carefully and absorb what is being said. If you’re not the kind of reader who wants to do that and think about every few words being given to you, you probably won’t take much away from this. You might even quit the story in frustration.
On the plus side, SpitFlame has greatly improved. While the general problems still exists, that’s more to do with the writing style than the author’s logic, which in the previous story was difficult to grasp under any circumstance. At least this time the story and its shifting moods are easy to follow. The issues mentioned above only really pop up when the narrator or the characters decide to wax on about certain topics for longer than they need to - and even that doesn’t happen near as much as it did in the prior story.
There are also a few preposterous, nonsensical concepts, such as Princess Cadance not recognizing a fake Crystal Heart. Or that Corvo intentionally brought about an end to Sombra simply by showing up and talking to him. Or that Celestia, originally depicted as a chessmaster and genius schemer (and having this idea enforced in the beginning of this story) is totally ignorant of everything going on around her and barely able to react to it. And so on.
Then there’s the ending. I think SpitFlame just likes pissing readers off with his endings by making them as nonsensical as possible. Granted, I wasn’t upset with this one, but that’s because after the ridiculousness of the first story’s conclusion I halfway expected something like this. Like before, this ending serves no purpose to the overarching tale – the perpetrator of these events even acknowledges: this makes no sense. And yet it still happens, and I’m left scratching my head and wondering just what SpitFlame’s game is. I read the chapter analysis and I’m not buying any of it.
So… yeah. I guess accepting some of these things is going to be dependent upon the individual reader’s perspective and willingness to just accept that things sometimes happen ‘because’.
Oh, but I did like the narrator’s occasional self criticisms. I was particularly amused when Corvo admits that he’s been told “sometimes his explanations explain nothing at all”, which I’m halfway convinced comes directly from the same complaint I made in my review of the last story. Got a chuckle out of that.
So… final analysis. Civil Distinction is a clear improvement from its predecessor. The author has found a way to maintain the story’s style while toning down the needlessly convoluted nature of the events. While the writing style is still dense and will likely scare away anyone who doesn’t want to think while they’re reading, it is also a unique achievement that it was maintained so thoroughly for such a long story. The author still makes a lot of strange decisions and leaps of logic, some of which defy common sense, and I’m still not sure what makes them think they need to write shocker endings of no real value. But all in all, this isn’t a bad story by any means. Not amazing, and still having room for improvement, but not bad.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Elements of Honor — Worth It
Consoles vs. PC (Princess Edition) — None
Double
5,311 Words
By Jack of a Few Trades
Requested by Jack of a Few Trades
This morning delivers to Applejack a lot of surprises. Like Sugar Belle coming for a surprise visit. And then her and Cheerilee leaving in a huff. And… her brother cheating on both of them? Yes, somehow that’s a thing, and she doesn’t appreciate it much.
“Big Mac Gets All The Mares” has always been a favorite concept of mine, sort of a guilty pleasure meme. It just amuses the heck out of me, especially when he’s depicted in-character. But this story addresses that topic’s more realistic, negative side. Big Mac got caught between the affections of two mares and just didn’t know what to do.
It’s funny, I know someone in the family who faced the same problem in almost identical circumstances. It worked out okay for her in the end, but I imagine that’s not common. Regardless, I look at Big Mac’s situation and honestly don’t feel like he deserves to be beat up too much. It’s a terrible place to be in, and while he does hold the the responsibility for how things went, I can understand why he hesitated until it was too late.
The story does a good job of reviewing the problem, with Applejack providing the appropriate way to deal with the matter for now. The characters are well-depicted, the story well-written, the pacing good. Indeed, I liked everything I saw with this story. There’s just one problem: there’s no ending. The entire story is, essentially: here’s a problem, here’s why the problem exists, story over. What were we meant to learn from this other than the obvious-as-daylight “cheating is bad”? I suppose an argument can be made for a lesson of “you can’t solve something like this in a few minutes”.
Still, it doesn’t seem as though the story goes anywhere. Perhaps Jack intended for Big Mac’s immediate emotional response to be the problem in need of resolving. Maybe? I can’t tell.
A well-written story, to be sure, but a head-scratcher in terms of purpose. There’s nothing wrong with what’s there, but with an ending so unsatisfying I’m left only with questions.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Hindsight — Pretty Good
Listen
4,186 Words
By Taialin
Recommended by Steel Resolve
I have no idea what led me to read Language before Listen. The good news is that I’m not sure it matters.
Anyway, in this story Rarity decides to visit Fluttershy for the sake of relaxing and perhaps venting her frustrations regarding Opal’s erratic behavior lately. But upon arriving, she finds her friend in a state of meditation. At Fluttershy’s behest, she joins in, and soon learns that there’s a lot one can learn from the world if they just stop to listen to it.
This serves well as an introduction to the series. It introduces the core concept and little more, opening the door for Rarity to learn what Fluttershy has always known. As a one off story, it’s uneventful. I would even hazard to call it ‘unmemorable.’ Rarity learns something incredibly meaningful, but it doesn’t feel quite so for me as a reader.
None of this is to say that the story is bad. Far from it. I only mean to imply that the story functions best when accompanied by its sequel. Still, in the overall scheme of things, not a bad showing. I enjoyed Language far more, but that’s probably just the shipper in me.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Eternity — Pretty Good
Language — Pretty Good
Nothing to Fear — Pretty Good
Blur
3,852 Words
By Fire Gazer the Alchemist
Recommended by Pascoite
This is everything you expect. When Rainbow notices that Pinkie somehow managed to keep up with her while speed flying, she realizes that the party pony may be able to move faster than she can. Unwilling to accept this possibility, she challenges Pinkie to a race…
There’s no need to discuss the story, as its entirely predictable. Its value comes in the depiction of the characters, which is as good as you can hope for. Pinkie’s innocent dismissal of her speed, Rainbow’s frustration at not being the best, and Applejack’s entertainment with the whole shebang are all worked wonderfully. This author shows he really knows how to depict the characters in show-accurate forms, to such a degree that this might have been part of the show were it not directly addressing matters of Pinkie Pie.
An amusing, fun romp. There’s really no reason not to read this one. If you feel like having a moment of silliness at Rainbow’s expense, by all means give it a go.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
I'd Do Her — WHYRTY?
I'd Kiss Her — Pretty Good
I Want a Throne — Worth It
Forget me Not
12,286 Words
By Lupine Infernis
Completed Story
This story tricked me. When it first came out, I was curious as to what it would be focused on, so I threw it on my Incompletes bookshelf for tracking. I was mildly annoyed when five days later the next chapter popped up and… it’s complete? Already? Eh, whatever.
The story’s start is deceptively simple. Ponies begin forgetting little things, and that’s all. It seems like no biggie. That is, until Fluttershy forgets how to walk. As the wave of forgetfulness spreads and grows stronger, the Mane 6 and Discord struggle to find a solution to the problem. Turns out the answer will come from some ponies none of them expected.
Now this was a fun story. At the beginning, when everyone was making light of the problem, I had a sinking feeling in my gut. As the mystery unravels and the true threat is revealed, I found I was thoroughly enjoying myself. Lupine Infernis managed to create a story that never fails to hold the reader’s interest with a pace that gradually accelerates from the beginning to the hurdling, exciting conclusion.
True, the villain does come out of left field. And also, the explanation of what they are – and why – comes quick and with a minimum explanation, making it a bit hard to grasp the full picture, or how Rarity pieced it all together so quickly.
But these are minor complaints. On the whole I thoroughly enjoyed this, and it definitely needs some more attention. By all means, read it!
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Psychadelic
14,834 Words
By Masterweaver
Sequel to Floral Embrace
In Masterweavers’ version of events, Tree Hugger is almost completely blind. However, she is capable of seeing the latent magic in ponies, which she refers to as ‘auras’ and ‘chakras’, and which give her a strong grasp of the emotions of others. So when she looks at Discord, she sees something very different, something beautiful, and decides she needs to know more. So she invites him to visit her pedal garden (that’s not a typo). This leads to some… interesting conversations.
I did not expect this to be so good. I read Floral Embrace because I’d never seen a story focusing on Tree Hugger before. A romantic relationship between the two sounded like something… silly. I didn’t expect it to be taken seriously, or for the author to handle it so well.
But handle it well Masterweaver did. Impressively so. Watching these two characters learn more about one another and come to understand their individual natures was a treat. That author develops Tree Hugger into something far more interesting than her traditional druggie hippie manner most people (and the show) associate with her. Indeed, it’s the gradual unravelling of who Tree Hugger is that makes this story so interesting.
I’m diggin it. The story is at times fun, features some nice character and relationship growth, and is the first I’ve seen to really take Tree Hugger seriously. It’s about a lot more than romance, and that’s what makes it so good.
Definitely give it a go.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Floral Embrace — Pretty Good
Stories for Next Week:
Rarity's Diary by paleowriter
A Door Jam by xjuggernaughtx
Wake up and Smell the Ashes by Flint-Lock
P3 Project Episode 1: The Emergency by Bookish Delight
The Destiny Trap by AndrewRogue
The Railway Ponies: Highball by The Descendant
A Study In Rainbows by Thanqol
An Orphan's Curiosity by Vertigo-01
Home Sweet Home: A Candy-Mare Tale by Knackerman
Beauty Will Tear Us Apart by Meta Four
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Let's see, I've read a couple of these. "Gravity" was a pretty good low-key story. I probably would have put it in my recommendations for you, except that it already had ample views.
"Blur" is pretty much in the same category. A fun, short, low-stakes thing. I do remember it having some editing issues, being on the telly side, and having a very jumpy perspective.
About SpitFlame's story... you bring up a piece of good advice, but one that's possible to subvert. There are a few of my stories that are basically personal challenges to see if I could avoid pitfalls I'd spent years chastising others for falling into for certain genres. I took on the letter-based story, the "Lyra likes humans" story, the heavy-on-jargon story, and a few others. They've all worked out pretty well. However, I also did take on the type you mentioned, where it's revealed near the end that a significant portion of the story didn't actually happen.
There are many degrees of this. Of course, you can make a dream sequence that's obviously a dream sequence, and the reader knows in real time that it's not actually happening. There are also cases where you find out "it was all a dream" (or whatever the mechanic is) halfway through, toward the end, or in a sequel.
I tried the one where you find out near the end, and I entered it in a write-off probably 5 years ago. I still have never fixed it up and published it, but it's one of the next few I intend to get to. But it brings up a special type of this story that I think manages to avoid the pitfall of basically raising a middle finger to the reader and telling him he wasted his time. It did fairly well in the write-off, though one person did mention it can be a tricky business to invalidate parts of the story. But here's the condition I think can make something like this work: The fact that all this false stuff happened does have an effect on the story.
And it sounds like SpitFlame actually did that. All of these things that didn't happen go toward setting up Corvo's mindset in the sequel. He wouldn't have acted the way he did if he didn't sincerely believe in the original story's events.
I find it interesting to see where people draw the line along that spectrum. The original story is an awful lot to read just to set up the one situation (caveat: I haven't read it, so I'm relying on your summaries) that could have also been set up with a single chapter. So there still is an issue of weighing the reader's time against the importance of the false information's lasting importance. It kind of comes down to whether the story had to happen that way.
I don't want to spoil my story (not that it will, given I haven't said anything about it to where anyone could identify it), but it's a similar situation to this: say a character had a very vivid dream, and only after the story is it revealed to be a dream. But in the second story, the character uses information from that dream, having interpreted it as an omen, to try preventing something from happening IRL. Then it matters that the dream happened, somebody is still using information from it, and the details of the dream matter as well, not just the fact that the dream existed. I think that's where this kind of story can succeed. In my case, one character's decision can only come from having the nullified information, and more to the point, how the story played out to produce that information, so the what and the why are both crucial. And then that character may or may not retain the memory of that nullified information after making her decision, though the end could have only turned out that way because the false narrative had occurred.
So, yeah, I think the "it was a dream" type can work if 1) the dream has an important effect on real-world happenings and 2) the full narrative of the dream is important to understand why that is, so that it wouldn't do to replace everything up to that point with a one-paragraph summary of what the dream had been about.
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Maybe I misstyped when I said the events of the previous story "didn't really happen." They most definitely did, and those events did lead up to Sombra's return. But that's a broad brush; the fact that the main character came to Equestria at all allowed Sombra's return to happen, not the actual things the character did. The 'character' of the main character was completely altered, and the ending was retconned too. Namely, the main character's not-at-all-realistic assassination of Celestia and Luna. Considering this was the big, pivotal point of the entirety of the first story, I simply can't agree that retconning it was the right thing to do. I feel authors should take responsibility for their decisions, not come up with half-baked excuses to rearrange the playing field and get themselves out of the corner they've made for themselves.
I agree that the 'it was all a dream' type can work, but this does not strike me as one of those cases.
Thanks for the review, Paul! That was the biggest complaint I heard regarding Double. Lots of readers wanted a follow-up, and now in hindsight, I wish I'd given it to them. But alas, I was running up against the deadline for the contest it was written for, and real life was forcibly removing just about all time I could consider devoting to writing at about that time. I think I was pushing for it to be a story primarily about the consequences of him not making an important decision, but it didn't quite capture the scope of that.
Ah well, at least I didn't booger up the parts of the story that I actually did write. I can sleep a little better on that front.
I wrote Exes in like under an hour off a prompt and decided it was just long enough to post. I honestly have no idea why so many people seemed to like it, but I think it somehow hit the featured box.
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Hey, cheers for the review! Telos was the first story I'd ever written over a thousand words, and the original write-off draft was such a mess that it broke the record for lowest scoring finalist. It's a little finicky, and the execution isn't great, but it's lovely when someone enjoys it - it was a blast to write.
OH GOD HOW DID I MISS THIS THE SUN COULD HAVE EXPLODED AND I WOULD HAVE MISSED THAT TOO
I really appreciate you reviewing my story! . . . and a fair handful of my previous stories, especially from an apparently dead author. (Still mostly dead, actually.) I don't have much to say about the specific comments you left since I do agree with all of them, and I heard most of them more than once. Listen, in particular, was written on a bus ride for no other reason than I needed something to do on a four-hour bus ride. It wasn't meant to be this big, but what do you know, now it's my most highly-rated story (despite the fact that, as you point out, not much happens in it).
But once again, thank you for leaving your thoughts on my stories!
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You are more than welcome! A shame you're dead and all, but that won't stop me from reading more of your library. I'm looking forward to it.