Paul's Thursday Reviews CXVII · 10:09pm May 24th, 2018
Sorry folks, no time to talk. I’ve got 50k words to read today and all my usual reading time has been stolen by work-related issues. I’m pretty much going to spend the rest of my day buried in horsewords.
But there is one little thing to bring up: Milestone! Say hello to Of Angels... in Chinese. This is awesome and all credit goes to hehelover for the translation.
Reviews!
Stories for This Week:
The Tale of the Three Alicorn Sisters by Autumn Wind
Just Buck Already by Sidral Mundet
Concerning Growing Up by Sunset-Chan
Lonely Mountains by TadStone
My Wings Will Keep You Safe by Astral Phoenix
The Sun is Hiding by AbsoluteAnonymous
A Dragon's Age by BlazzingInferno
Cold Light by Scramblers and Shadows
Total Word Count: 186,292
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 3
Needs Work: 3
None: 0
The Tale of the Three Alicorn Sisters
1,064 Words
By Autumn Wind
Well, this was… curious. Yes, curious. Let’s go with that.
It’s hard to say what this story is meant to be. Is it an AU where the Mane 6 lived with Celestia and Luna 1,000 years ago? Is it just the original story of the Sisters reinterpreted for a later age? I want to say it’s the latter, but since the story doesn’t follow canon even remotely I’m left suspecting the former. But generally speaking, it tells the old ‘Nightmare Moon’ story, but this time inserts Twilight as a third princess who gets help from the public (i.e. the rest of the Mane 6) to help resolve the ongoing dispute.
The story is okay, I suppose. I’m bothered that the author decided to merely emulate the style of the book Twilight read in the first episode. I don’t know why this bothers me, but I take solace in the understanding of what the author was trying to do. And in their defense, they did it well. I can see ponies a thousand years after the events of the show reading this to their foals. I can also see Princess Twilight being offended that it doesn’t reflect reality, and maybe that’s what bugs me (I’ve been told I have a lot of Twilight-esque tendencies).
The over-simplistic style doesn’t suit my tastes, but I’ve decided not to hold that against it. It’s a decent and somewhat creative re-imagining, and that should be recognized and rewarded. And while the attempt at emulation doesn’t sit well with me, I also must acknowledge that getting it to sound just right – and it does – had to take a decent amount of effort even for a mere thousand words. In these things, at least, I am impressed.
Not a bad job, Autumn. Not a bad job at all.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Just Buck Already
3,773 Words
By Sidral Mundet
I have questions regarding the decisions the author made here.
The premise of this story is plainly obvious: Rainbow thinks AJ and Rarity are in love, and tries to get them to admit it. It’s classic, it’s obvious, but if you’re into RariJack even remotely (and if you’re not then what’s wrong with you?) then it’s worth taking a look. I mean, really, the concept practically writes itself and is nothing less than Feature bait. And yet so many of the choices made for this story’s delivery leave me scratching my head.
First of all, why is this humanized? The entire story could be written with ponies and not lose a thing. Now, I’m not saying I have anything against humanized pony stories. Far from it, I’ve read some great ones in my time (The Laughing Shadow comes to mind). But the decision to humanize should come with a purpose, an appropriate reasoning behind the decision. Even if that reason is merely to create a new AU for the fun of it, or rewrite the rules of MLP, because at least that’s interesting. But this story? There’s no reason to do it that I can see.
I suppose that doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. The story would be the same regardless, after all, and I imagine a lot of people wouldn’t care one way or the other. But it bugs me, especially considering the author couldn’t be bothered to find appropriately humanized cover art, or even EqG (and there’s plenty of appropriate art for the subject, even screencaps). Which made things confusing at the start, because even though there are warnings that this is humanized, the art put ponies in my head, and that’s exactly what I was seeing right up until the narrative mentioned Rarity normally wears clothes in the first place. Then I had to backtrack.
Then there’s how straight-laced the whole thing is. The story could have been funny, but Sidral Mundet made no overt attempt for it to be so. No comical reactions, no witty descriptions, just three girls (four when Fluttershy shows up) discussing an obvious topic. Even when Rainbow kisses Fluttershy just to prove a point – a moment that easily could have descended into comic gold – it just sort of… happens. About the only humorous moments in the whole thing is when Rainbow’s side hobby gets revealed and when Rarity ends the story with a choice word.
Okay, so maybe the author wasn’t going for comedy (despite the tag saying so). Perhaps they’re going for romance?
Well, it doesn’t seem like it. Nothing about the ongoing argument even hints at romance. And when Rarity finally decides to properly confront the issue with Applejack, there’s nothing to it. “I have a crush on you.” Kiss. “Alright, we’re dating now.” Story over.
Excuse me while I yawn. There’s no attempt at atmosphere whatsoever. And since I think romance is actually what Sidral Mundet was going for, it needs to be said: atmosphere is everything in romance.
So, a few suggestions. First, while the argument with Rainbow has the potential to be comedic gold, it takes up way too much space in the story if what you’re going for is romance. The final scene with Rarity and Applejack could have been the core of this and was ripe for some solid romantic interaction, and you more or less blew right past it. A lot of this has to do with the telly style of the narrative.
The single best example of this is the moment Applejack opens the door and sees Rarity there. It’s night, she’s already had two ciders in her, and the girl she’s crushing on just showed up with something important to say. This is the moment where you start building the atmosphere. What does Rarity look like to Applejack? How does her sudden appearance make her feel? What are the two of them doing, other than just standing there? Don’t whip past this in a mere two sentences, paint us a picture and show us the tension!
“But Paul, there was no tension.”
That’s part of the problem. Romantic tension is what keeps the hopeless romantic audience going. It’s the entire reason they’re here. Give them the atmosphere and they’ll be eating out of your palm.
So, all in all, less “this happened then that happened,” don’t lean too heavily on dialogue to move your story forward, and give us some more atmosphere. It’s not a bad first try considering the grammar is pretty solid and the plot is more or less what we’re looking for, but it certainly needs some tweaks.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Short Mane Fluttershy — Worth It
Concerning Growing Up
2,058 Words
By Sunset-Chan
I don’t think I’ll ever understand this fascination some people have with so-called “padded ponies”. Or “padded” anything that isn’t an actual baby, really. It’s somewhat disturbing. But at least Sunset-Chan acknowledges that the whole idea is weird. Plus, they gave us the surprisingly awesome My Baby Sister, so I’m willing to give things like this a try.
In this one, a series of coincidences and agreements has put Sweetie Belle in a peculiar position. Namely, she’s a grown filly in footie pajamas, a diaper, sleeping in a crip and sucking on a pacifier. And the only thing on her mind is “why?” As she considers the situation and recalls her day, she soon realizes that she might have made one too many bad decisions recently.
One part playing with Sweetie’s character – and keeping her decently in-character the entire time, I might add – and one part done just for the comedic ending, I found this surprisingly non-offensive in its manner. If anything, it does a great job stringing the reader along as Sweetie seeks to solve the mystery of her current predicament. The logic behind everything works fairly well, with the notable exception that I just can’t see Rarity doing the things she did in this story. It’s just not a Rarity thing to do.
But I digress. This is a story mostly aimed at the joke ending, and while that’s not a format I generally approve of, I feel Sunset-Chan worked it decently enough to be worthwhile. It’s a series of unfortunate coincidences, and if that kind of thing amuses you, maybe you’ll get something out of this.
For me? Eh, it’s so-so. But it’s so-so involving a padded pony, so it’s certainly better than its competition.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
My Baby Sister — WHYTRY?
Lonely Mountains
21,461 Words
By TadStone
This is actually a sequel to TadStone’s Guardians of Many Hues, although I failed to add to my schedule as such for some reason. I came looking to see if maybe TadStone had improved as an author in a general sense, seeing as the prior story was lacking in a great many ways.
Basics first. Rainbow, right after adopting Scootaloo, ends up getting killed while on a solo mission in the frozen north (but not the Crystal Empire, I note). The story largely focuses on Scootaloo’s grief and how her friends try to help her through it. We are also given a number of flashbacks showing how Rainbow died.
This might have been a worthwhile sadfic. It has all the right elements, at least at first. The problem, which is apparent within very short order, is that TadStone once again has decided to flood the story with unnecessary amounts of melodrama. Practically every sentence is seeped in excessive details in an effort to ram down our throats the mood of the scene. It’s great to want to produce atmosphere, it’s another to drown us in it.
Character behavior is also still way excessive to reality, taking what could be worthwhile feels and making them seem like silly caricatures of emotion. The perfect example of this is Twilight blasting a door off its hinges because… uh… because she couldn’t spare the half a second that would be required to open it? I guess? Or another pony violently crashing through a window, wrecking a poor psychiatrist’s office in the process, because… um… because it made the scene more dramatic? Maybe? I find myself wondering if TadStone reacts to things with similar violence and extremism, and if so who is paying for all the damage he must do to his surroundings on a regular basis.
Then there’s the issue of Yggdrasil. Really? The whole world is connected by the World Tree? The Everfree is part of that tree, the only sign of its presence in Equestria, which is somehow magically spared its influence? And this all plays a critical element on the overarching plot? That. That right there. That’s significant and interesting and could actually make for some awesome worldbuilding if it could be worked right. So why are we only finding out about all of this in a few brief chapters of exposition long after it’s actually important? Why wasn’t this vital information brought up in the last story, so it doesn’t seem to come completely out of left field?
Okay, I’ll admit that last one might be a little unfair. I can’t really blame someone for not thinking of such a big idea until after the original story was written. But the point stands. When we first encounter the characters of the north and hear them talking about the World Tree and all that, we just assume it’s their local religion. I mean, at this point we’ve had over 50,000 words of this collective universe with no mention of this whatsoever, so the immediate conclusion is that’s it’s a bunch of local superstition. Abruptly telling us that it is not only true, but that everyone in the world knew it all along, is a problem. I’m willing to let it slide in the first story because, again, the author probably hadn’t even considered it at that point, but for this story it should have been clarified from the very beginning. Without that, the twist ends up seeming more like contrived wish fulfillment and just a little trolly.
And of course, there are the author’s notes, which shine a spotlight on the author’s amateurish skills at out-of-story foreshadowing. No, author, I am not shocked and horrified and your notes are not tricking me. They just make me wish you’d be quiet and let me figuring things out by myself.
Couple all of this with subpar writing that is repetitive, overly wordy, littered with LUS, and leans on extrapolation like a crutch.
I hate that this sounds so negative. I feel for the author, who clearly enjoys what they do if they are willing to write this much material. But TadStone needs to go through a lot more hurdles and climb a few more literary hills before their material can be recommendable.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Guardians of Many Hues — Needs Work
Immortal Dreams — Needs Work
My Wings Will Keep You Safe
9,698 Words
By Astral Phoenix
Requested by Astral Phoenix
Alternative title: Changelings! Changelings Everywhere!
I’m handling this one a little differently. Given the nature of the story and that it was requested by the author, I feel the most desirable thing here is to be as helpful as I can. Pardon me whilst I go into tutor mode.
The premise of this story is simple: Apple Bloom gets stuck at Twilight’s library for a night thanks to a wild storm that’s hit Ponyville. Nothing special about that, but I suppose it grants a nice opportunity for these two to interact and grow a bond. It’s not a common pair to write about, and that alone makes it worth taking a look.
Alas, problems abound. For starters, why do we spend two somewhat lengthy scenes explaining how the Crusaders ended up at the Golden Oaks Library? The story could have started with them already there and the plot wouldn’t have lost a thing. Worse, the story starts with the perspective (somewhat - narrative voice is constantly sketchy) of Scootaloo, providing the unfortunate illusion that she’s the main character.
My first suggestion, Phoenix: know what does and doesn’t advance the story. It’s all well and good to let the readers know why the events are taking place, but if the scenes giving us that information aren’t directly related to the point of the story then they can be superfluous. With all the words used up in those scenes you run the risk of losing potential readers who aren’t seeing what the story description said they’d be seeing. On the positive side, it’s good that you tried to avoid exposition. A faster, simpler way to do it would be to let the information come out naturally in conversation between Apple Bloom and Twilight, assuming the story starts from when Twilight finds her asleep upstairs.
A second and major problem is the extreme case of tell in this story. Here are a few choice examples plucked out randomly:
“Hungry?” remarked Scootaloo. “More like starving.” She held her stomach as it growled hungrily again.
Two errors here. Scootaloo just said that she was hungry, so why are we using “hungrily” to describe her stomach pangs? If the character just told us something, the narrative doesn’t need to tell it to us again. This is an error you perform frequently, and I’m sorry to say it’s an eyesore from beginning to end.
The second error comes from the obvious and the assumption of reader intelligence. When most people hear that a stomach is growling, they will immediately conclude that the character is hungry, because everyone has experience with this. If something should be obvious, we don’t need to be told about it. So, once again, saying that her stomach growled “hungrily” isn’t adding anything to the conversation. At worst, it’s insulting the reader’s intelligence.
Taking all of this in only brought Twilight’s worries for the filly even further.
This is a prime example of a poor use of tell. Give us more detail than this. What defines “brought Twilight’s worries for the filly even further”? This is an important aspect of Twilight’s character for this story and a catalyst for her behavior from this point onwards, and you’re blowing right by it. Put a little more work into describing how Twilight feels and her reaction to that.
“Ow!” Apple Bloom yelped.
This is highly redundant. An “ow” could be considered a yelp in the first place. You could have just wrote “Ow!” and, given the context, we’d probably know it was Apple Bloom making the sound. Or if you’re really determined to avoid that confusion, you could just say “Apple Bloom yelped” and achieve the exact same effect.
Which leads me to the next issue: simplicity and an overuse of unrealistic dialogue. This goes back to the second quote in a way, because it is showcased there as well. The narrative avoids giving any detail that might show us a character’s mood or generate a sense of atmosphere. It is, essentially, “this happened, then this happened, then this happened,” etcetera. And when you do show us something regarding character action, it tends to be highly repetitive. Apple Bloom’s shaking from the thunder, for example, got pretty old pretty quick (to say nothing for the constant harping on about Scootaloo being hungry).
Mix it up. Describe the setting in a little more detail, show us how the character see things.
Peering through the glass, she could see just how heavy the downpour outside was, and how strong and fierce the wind was as it rocked some of the houses and trees on the street. It also looked as though some of the houses were boarded up to prevent any damage.
This? This is nothing. You could have simply said “there was a storm outside” and achieved the same results.
How well could Twilight see through the glass? What was the rain like? Does the wind remind her of anything? What images are conjured up by the houses through the gloom? Don’t just tell us the facts, paint us a picture and show us, through Twilight’s direct experience, how this makes her feel. It doesn’t even need to be any longer than what you have, it just needs to give us a stronger sense of atmosphere and intensity.
Next, there’s the characters. This is the source of my alternate title suggestion. Apple Bloom has never in the show shown a propensity for this kind of behavior. Quite the opposite; she’s a strongwilled firebrand willing to prove herself even when she’s legitimately frightened. The character portraying her in this story isn’t behaving anything like her. I can only assume she’s a changeling.
But what about Twilight? At no point in the show has she shown motherly instincts as demonstrated here. Except perhaps towards Spike, and that’s debatable. To see her have such a strong reaction to being inadvertently called ‘mother’ by a sleeping Apple Bloom defies all canon knowledge of her character. Perhaps she’s a changeling too.
To the point: you can’t have two long established characters behave however you want just because the story calls for it. Apple Bloom and Twilight never had anything remotely like this kind of relationship, and you can’t reasonably expect me to believe that they developed one in a single night of bonding. Relationships and emotions don’t work that way. Look at what you are doing and ask yourself if it’s realistic. In this case, it’s not, and so the emotion feels nothing but forced.
I’m not going to bother going into why it’s so unrealistic for Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo to just abandon Apple Bloom at the end of the day without saying anything.
Last but not least, watch your word choice, especially in regards to repetition.
It struck the ground, narrowly missing the little filly, as she had been lifted from the ground, her whole body enveloped in a purple aura. Apple Bloom found herself being carried into the Golden Oaks Library as Twilight levitated the filly towards her. Twilight immediately wrapped her arms around the scared little filly as she closed the door behind her.The little filly lay shaken against the Alicorn, tears streaming from her eyes.
That’s three instances of “little filly” and four of “filly” alone in as many sentences. If you use the same term more than once per two or three pages (1000 - 1500 words roundabouts), you’re doing it too often, and many would argue even that limit’s way too generous. Find ways to mix up your word choice, but avoid Lavender Unicorn Syndrome (LUS) too. It’s a balancing act, and it takes practice, but you’ll get there.
Ultimately, I have to rank this one low on my bookshelves. The idea has some value, but it’s delivered too quickly with too many common mistakes to be recommendable. Even so, I must credit you with writing something so long as your first one shot. If you can keep up that level of dedication and learn from your mistakes, you’re bound to get better as time progresses and you get more words under your belt.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The Sun is Hiding
8,052 Words
By AbsoluteAnonymous
Requested by SleepIsforTheWeak
Great. Another ‘origin of the Sisters’ story. These things are a penny a crate. How fortunate that AbsoluteAnonymous has a talent for making things interesting.
Based (very) loosely on the Japanese story of the sun god Amaterasu, The Sun is Hiding reimagines the origins of Celestia and Luna by having them first appear to ponykind in the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters, although they both claim to have been wandering the Everfree for long before that first encounter. At this point they are still merely innocent fillies, despite having already defeated Discord. Set right after the founding of Equestria, the sisters are essentially raised by the heroes of the Founding: Clover, Smart Cookie, Pansy, Hurricane, Platinum, and Puddinghead.
The revision is certainly interesting, and it maintains a constant ‘fairy tale’ atmosphere that may have been designed for children. I greatly enjoyed this simple approach, which justifies the basic style of the storytelling while also giving the story an inoffensive, lighthearted nature. It doesn’t capture the witty style that many stories of this variety have shown, nor does it offer an especially creative flare, but it is nonetheless a decent attempt at the genre.
The only problem is that the fundamental issue of the story – Celestia’s initial reaction to Luna’s banishment and how she was convinced to end her solitary mourning – takes forever to get to. It’s good to set up the scene and all, but it shouldn’t take nearly half of the story to do so.
And yet I can’t help but think that trying to explain all this information, which is certainly vital to the ending, via exposition or even through creative narrative and dialogue reveals would have been appropriate. Frankly, I can’t think of any better way to do this than how AbsoluteAnonymous did. Which is worrying, because it still doesn’t feel right. I suppose I cannot fault the author for taking this route, especially since I can think of nothing better. But I wish I could think of one.
At any rate, this was a slightly more unusual variant of the Sisters Origin Story. Maybe not the most creative, and it resembles its supposed origin in only a bare bones fashion, but still worth my time.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Home Grown — WHYRTY?
Pinkie Watches Paint Dry — WHYRTY?
A Million Things to Do — Pretty Good
Where You Can't Follow — Pretty Good
Sweet Nothings — Worth It
A Dragon's Age
17,026 Words
By BlazzingInferno
Recommended by Pascoite
BlazzingInferno strikes again, and as is so often the case, he does not disappoint. This time, BI is tackling one of the more common ideas out there: Spike’s origins.
Set shortly after Twilight’s ascension, Spike is surprised when Celestia pays him a visit. She finally tells the truth of how she came by his egg: she found it centuries ago near the Equestrian border. Now a dragon is waking from its centuries-long slumber, and there’s a chance this dragon is one of Spike’s parents. She’s telling him so that he can have an opportunity to go there and learn the truth before the dragon fully awakens and flies away, likely never to return. The catch? He has to go alone.
“Where did Spike come from?” is one of those concepts that was old the instant Spike was introduced as a character, in that anyone can think of it as long as they have two brain cells to knock together. I’m known for my disdain of the obvious concept, but I’m willing to admit that obvious concepts do not automatically make a story ‘bad’. BlazzingInferno, whose works tend to skew on the more creative side of the concept spectrum, proves that he can make even bland, tired ideas worthwhile.
Much of the story focuses less on Spike learning about his past and more on him getting to his destination. This is noticeably without great danger. Indeed, the biggest threat he faces in the whole journey is a noxious river, which he surpasses with surprising ease. Instead of relying on death-defying feats and adventure, the story uses Spike’s inner turmoil and fears to drive the plot. This works reasonably well, and serves some great buildup to his meeting with the dragon and his final conversation with Celestia.
That being said, I can see some people complaining that it takes too long to get to the finale. Nor is the problem lacking in merit: it takes over 10k words (more than 60% of the story) to finally get to the dragon. That’s a whole lot of walking, thinking, and dealing with annoyingly loyal blue pegasi. The “get to the point!” crowd may not be willing to wait that long. Personally, I never got tired of Spike’s journey, something which I feel is a testament to this author’s capacity to make even the mundane seem interesting. But that’s just me. Your mileage may vary.
And it was all worth it for a conclusion that felt more rounded and appropriate than any Spike origin story I’ve read in the past. That’s not to say those weren’t good, but this one felt far more… emotional. And that’s the best gauge of a story’s value in my opinion.
BlazzingInferno hits another high note. I expect no less by this now.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Cleave — Pretty Good
‘Til Sunday Do Us Part — Pretty Good
Water Pony — Pretty Good
Apple Boom — Worth It
This Night — Worth It
Cold Light
123,158 Words
By Scramblers and Shadows
Completed Story
Okay, trying to summarize this sucker is tricky. Let’s see if I can be concise about it.
At some nebulous point in the show’s near-future, a rift in space and time either randomly opened up or was discovered in the neutral lands between Equestria and Aquileona (AKA griffon lands). This opening leads to the alternate world of Amaranth, a desert landscape filled with the ruins of ancient civilizations. Three years later, Scootaloo disappeared in this wild frontier of salvagers, artifacts, and pirates. Sweetie Belle can’t abide by that, not when she’s desperately in love. And so she enters Amaranth, seeking out Scootaloo in every ship and port she can find.
This was a fantastic adventure. It’s got varied and interesting characters, action scenes, airship battles, giant monsters, megalomaniacle villains, epic magic duels, and so much more. S&S (can I call them that?) has crafted something exciting and dramatic, and didn’t have to spread it out over 350,000 words to make it work. Consider me very impressed.
I feel as though I should be offering something more detailed, but it’s hard to focus on any one thing without immediately attaching it to something else. A few of the highlights include a memorable villain whose name defies every trope of the mandatory villainous name ever conceived, the first appearance of the Aelewyrm, and the consistent worldbuilding. The pacing almost never slows down, even when there’s not much going on, and S&S utilizes cliffhangers with great skill (not so much the author’s notes, I’m afraid).
Sweetie meets a wide cast of characters, many of whom defy stereotypes by doing things unexpected – high-ranking offers not dismissing non-military advice offhand, just for example. Despite this, she and Scootaloo never fail to take center stage, sometimes on purpose. Her steady stream of highly resourceful solutions in the midst of conflict make Sweetie ever-fun to watch as you always wonder what her next last-minute trick will be.
I could go on, but I think I’ve gushed enough. There are a handful of problems I see in the story. For one, Sweetie somehow grows steadily stronger with her magic as the story progresses. This is odd, especially since we’ve been told from the very beginning that using her special brand of Amaranthian magic will drive her crazy with repeated and frequent use, and she’s also seen being seriously physically impaired if she uses too much at a time. So why is it that by the end of the story she seems largely unaffected in both ways after using a crap-ton of this stuff, and is even getting stronger?
It’s hinted that a certain villain of the show – who makes a couple cameos as the supposed “big bad” – somehow got extreme powers from Amaranth long before it was discovered. How? When? Is this individual responsible for everyone knowing about Amaranth in the first place? There’s a big fat question mark here, and it’s one I wish could have been explored a bit more. It’s certainly not a story killer, but it does leave me disappointed.
The grammar in this thing is frustrating. I don’t no how many time I see a word used incorrect of in a way that made me has to stop and re-read go back the sentence again because it is worded do strange weird. No, you won’t find a single sentence with all those errors at once, but you will find all those errors and ones I’m probably forgetting scattered around the entire story from beginning to end. It kills the immersion every time, and that’s the last thing you want to have when a fleet of airships are getting reamed by a single supership in a desperate bid to protect the city while a giant monster is threatening to rip all involved apart. Get yourself an editor, S&S, ‘cause you need one.
With those niggling issues out of the way, I can safely say that this story survives them. It’s epic, well-paced, adventurous fun at the highest level, and I want more. I’m even willing to forgive the hideous writing problems, because the plot is about as good as one can hope for. I won’t be too forgiving – the writing is perhaps the only thing keeping me from putting this on my top shelf – but I am still highly recommending this. If you want a dramatic adventure in the same vein as Fallout: Equestria but without the excessive length, definitely give this a go.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Stories for Next Week:
Ascension by BlazzingInferno
Consequences by ArguingPizza
The Tree on Top of the Hill by Pearple Prose
Daring Do and the Wings of Light by TodayIWriteFanfics
Who We Are in the Dark by NaiadSagaIotaOar
Two Cups of Tea by AbsoluteAnonymous
Language by Taialin
Sunset & Sunrise Vs. Evil by King of Beggars
Carry Me Home by PropMaster
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Language by Taialin
Now there's a review I'm looking forward to. Though that's partly because I don't think I've read any of the others you have lined up for next week. :P
Thanks for the review!
...have you been increasing the stories per review set recently?
4868767
Oh, well.
Yeah, well I made the mistake of reading Taialin's stories out of order.
4868863
You are very welcome!
4868950
Well. Someone hasn't been reading my introductions, I see.
Thanks for the review. I completely agree on some of the points you brought up. I do plan to re-edit or re-do "My Wings Will Keep You Safe" at some point but presently I'm busy focusing on my main story I'm working on, "Rise of the Apple Princess" I hope you check that one out once I have more chapters posted up in the foreseeable future.
thanks again for the review. 
4869156
Introductions? What are introductions?? I don’t know of no introductions...
4869278
On that I think we can agree.
Bit late to this, but thanks for the review!
Sorry for the late reply, I haven't really been on the site for the longest of times. Anyway, thank you for spending time on Concerning Growing Up and yes, the whole story is built on contrivances, the plot works to make itself work. I knew that when I wrote the story, but excused myself by saying it's just for jokes anyway.
It's still good to see I could widen your horizons on this front, but never expected you to dive deeper into my body of work. It's quite the honor really, so thank you again.