- Member Since 2nd Mar, 2012
- offline last seen 6 days ago
Merc the Jerk
Merc's fic guide: by Bookplayer: Is there kicking and/or punching? [Yes/No] Have you considered adding kicking and/or punching? [Yes/No] Have you considered adding more kicking and/or punching?
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Merc the Jerk · 153k words · 60 11 · 931 views
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If anyone has an idea on who the artist is on my cover, I'd be much obliged if you could let me know. I just happend on the pic via google, and would love to link to the guy's other stuff. Other than that, thanks for reading!
1332768
Looks like John Joseco's art.
One of the much better and more immersive humanized titles I've read. You've caught my attention, good sir! Now let's see if you can keep it ;) Watching, liked and favorited.
Hmm... Not bad, I guess. I'm not gonna like or fav it, but I'm unconvinced that it deserves three dislikes.
This is really awsome. Keep it up.
I liked this story, it's a well done humanized story so far.
I'll check back later for some more, not sure what you did wrong to deserve those dislikes though
1336906
A little bit of everything, I'm guessing.
1336559
Edit: and i looked through all 16 pages of that guys DA page, and didn't see it. Not that I minded looking through his work--I didn't realize he did like, half the pics I have saved to my computer, haha. But a few of them did seem to match his style, so I'm going to assume it's him and do a link to his DA page. Thank you so much for that, mate!
DUNDUNDUN
The plot thickens!
Honestly, when it came to the scene with the guy at the window, I had this playing in my head:
Disikes? I'll assume that's for humanization, even though this is well done.
Oh well. I know this story is worth something, and you know it, so just consider those a minor setback on your way to the top.
I think this chapter could have done without the moustache-twirling at the end. The evil laughter is so over-the-top, random, cartoonish, and sudden that it makes me take this villain as less of a threat and more of a clown. He should just chuckle at himself, excited that his plan is taking form.
I'm also kind of surprised AJ didn't object to Twi's use of the phrase "more refined minds." Being implied that you're dumb for being a Southerner is not something a Southerner takes sitting down. One of the things I really love about AJ is that she's a total fireball like most country women are. We saw her spicy attitude when talking to Dash, yet she lets Twilight unintentionally insult her without so much as a "Gee, thanks fer makin' me feel special, Twi." I don't buy that for some reason.
Also, stop referring to characters occasionally as "the woman". I keep thinking it's some random, unnamed character who just walks into the scene. It's too vague a description. Just refer to characters either by name or by more general defining aspects (such as "the Southerner" or "the classy lady").
Other than that, this is turning out to be a pretty solid fic. Great writing style that gets to the point and sticks to the point without relying too much on gaudy phrasing. Which is to say, the fat has been trimmed and every word counts.
Which of course means, only a few pageviews. Hey, don't frown, it's a side effect of brilliance: nobrony understands your genius. They're not dumb, they're just impatient and hate having to work out the plot.
Either that or human-counter-ponies stories aren't all that popular here on FIMfiction.
1337715
Thank you very much for the in-depth critique. It made my day seeing this and you offering me advice on how to improve. I'm humbled that you took the time to write all that out, man.
And, in retrospect, I'm quick to agree on your view regarding the end scene. I think I'm going to go back and mute it just a bit, haha.
Thanks again, mate.
1338153
You wanna thank me, then continue writing until the story is done!
awesome chapter.
and I think that evil guy at the end is either Nightmare Moon or
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lx33g316o91qfqdz7.jpg
This is fucking awesome. More prease
Oh man this is what I've been waiting for, a good humanized story that isn't just a way to do wish fullfillment. I love this, and I can't wait to see more!
This is my favorite type of humanized story. Not random human comes to Ponyville, not Same As Equestria But With Humans, but ones that create a fully immersive, realized world for the humanized ponies to live in. And you did a nice bit of world-building. I'm a little confused though. Are they on Earth or in a fantasy world? Since you have fantasy elements, yet modern day Earth references like Black Sabbath. The writing is really well-done and the pacing is excellent. Almost feels like a professional novel. I hope you don't let the lack of views get you down. This is excellent work.
1352520
It's a fantasy world--a sort of parallel to our Earth around the 18th century, save for a few advancements in science and technology that the Soul Folk were responsible for. Due to it being a parallel, and due to this advancement from magic, quite a bit of our current culture and history bled into their Earth. (I.E, Sabbath like you mentioned, the bible that was lightly touched on, and Twilight being from Camelot)
I'm hoping to touch a bit more on the subject in later chapters, but hopefully that cleared it up for you. Thank you kindly for the comment--I really do appreciate it!
I very well done humanized story, one of the rare few I'll actually fave and continue reading... and that's not because you're my friend!
The characters feel like the mane six we know and love, but with that touch of differentiation that comes from a complete racial switch. They're new yet not, which I love
The world is quite interesting so far, and a lot more thought has obviously been put into it then what I've seen in the other humanized stories I've read.
And then there's the actual story, which is intriguing. "What if Applejack was the new pony in town?" That idea in itself amuses me, and you taking advantage of the default alternate universe setting by making it humanized is simply a cherry on top.
In short, can't wait for the next one.
That one has to be my favorite.
This chapter just... travels, doesn't it? After the last scene from the last chapter, I was kind of hoping for the plot to kick in, but this just seems a tad fluffy unless I'm not reading into the scenes enough. Like, is the Englishman one of the badguys? Is the soiree being held by the Big Bad?
1373125
It is a bit fluffy I admit. I wanted to establish Jack's character a little more solidly, and do a little more world building before I dove into the main course. My stories start off pretty slow and then escalate--I'm kind of a sucker for longer fics, haha.
And to answer your question regarding the soiree, yeah. It's going to play a role up ahead.
Thanks for the comment!
1373125
It's a bridging chapter. The story is still in its infancy, so character and relationship development is still nifty. Plus, as Merc already said, it's going to be a long one, so the build up is allowed to be a little slower. Think Fantasy novel, that's the best way to treat Merc's style.
Well I like this.
1374832
I was hoping you'd turn around, haha.
That was an awesome read, Merc! A nice little bit of world building here, some characterization there, slow and steady build up. Magnificent. There were a few instances of mistyped letters or similar words that were incorrect, like I think in the second chapter you meant Taut instead of Taunt, I don't remember what it was, but I remember thinking Taunt wasn't the right word.
Still, gonna be watching this one! I'll probably read your other one on the weekend when I can keep reading the whole thing in one sitting.
I didn't realize this was on Fimfiction, which is my preferred place to read MLP-fics. I'm faving it on here, but if you're wondering I'm the crazy person who decided I was going to review every single chapter of this on Fanfiction.net because it was awesomely written but lacking in popularity. I'm glad to see you've got far more comments and likes here. Keep up the good work, continue writing and I look forward to more.
1414521
I--I think I love you.
Seriously though, thanks for the support on .Net. I honestly appreciate it, haha.
1414626
You're very welcome! I'll probably comment on here when it updates, but any real long comments or actual critique will be on fanfiction.net.
Great chapter keep it up.
Yay! New chapter!
So is this going to be a Rarijack story? Seeing it has a Romance tag with only the AJ and Rarity character tags....
Lots of good stuff, still keeping the same momentum you've had going. Keep it up.
1419532
Eyup. It's a RariJack.
Very good so far; Humanized pony stories are hard to pull off well, but you've more than managed to. It's a bit early in the game for me to give any in-depth critique, but I do like how you're developing the Rarijac, and I have a feeling the baddie from that one scene is Discord. Keep up the good work!
Well played, Diane.
Gotta say I'm a sucker for Rarijack. And this fits the ticket. Well written with some nice ideas and a lot of content. Plus you aren't trying to rush the ship which is a big flaw most fics have. That my friend is a huge accomplishment.
Loving this Merc. Glad you asked me to read it because dangit I'm enjoying it. The names confuse me for a few seconds the first time I read them in every chapter though, but i've gotten used to it.
Should be "refused to budge." Unless there's something else about that bag you aren't telling us...
And... is this REALLY a RariJack shipfic? I'm only asking because my headcanon demands SoarinJack. This story is still going well in either case.
1481910
You've got, like, eagle eyes, man. Or maybe I'm just a terrible editor. Actually, it's both.
Though Lunapple is the one ship to rule them all.
1482928
What do you mean by "both"? Like, both a RariJack AND a SoarinJack shipfic, or...?
1483024
No, I meant both as in you caught an error I hadn't seen, and I'm a bad editor. Just making a joke, mate.
1421394 Confirmation to what I've suspected from the start: love between my two favorite ponies. Bravo mon bonhomme. Bravo.
Alright, so yeah. I'm quite enjoying this story. I was a bit cynical at first, but I've come to like it.
Of the characters so far I find Dash and Applejack the most likable. You've done a good job making AJ a bit different, but still herself and interesting for it. Plus AJ's casual heroics in saving Rarity and reassuring her was pretty great. I like Dash as the Dude/bro type. I find the banter between the two of them amusing. But then I suppose they were my favorite characters from the show.
One thing I've been surprised by is how much the plot actually interests me.
To be honest I only started reading this story because I promised to give all humanised a fair chance after writing my own, and in this case I was pleasantly surprised. Cool story bro. Keep up the good work.
Oh, and I like the way your approaching this Rarijack, with Rarity mistakenly thinking Applejack has interest in her. I'm guessing that getting saved like that will endear Jack to Rares a fair bit. It'll be interesting to see how you handle this.
I like that you've actually made Rainbow Dash likable to me (she's my least favorite pony of all) without changing her too much, and I especially like what you did with Iron Will in this chapter; unfortunately, way too many people seem to think he was a villain after PYHD.
1479633 Very much so
1485309 And this, too.
only humanized fic ive ever liked, and i really do like it! cant wait to see more.
How is this not popular? Like seriously, this is a really good fic
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I'm guessing either because it's humanized, or because I didn't write a 2nd person clop scene by chapter two.
1493802
It's a pity though, there are a small handful of humanized fics that are pretty good
Anyways, keep up the good work :D
(Is that an appropriate complement >.>?)
Phew. Finally caught up... but... what else is there to say besides...
I love this story! Please write MOAR!
Please! I'm begging you!
I won't survive without MOAR CHAPTERS!
I love you
1533795
Love you too, guy.