• Member Since 11th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen 13 hours ago

Sidral Mundet


Just a 20-something-odd guy from Iowa

E
Source

Fluttershy, known for her long flowing mane, decides to get it cut. Her friends react to this new change.

Edited by: Alovelylittlecomplex

Inspired by this post: EQD: Fluttershy with a Short Mane

Artwork Source: http://lovetomorrowlove.tumblr.com/post/10178952793/you-know-what-i-always-wanted-to-see-a

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 103 )

I liked the cover picture, but loved the story. :rainbowkiss:
In in all honesty, however, I was kind of thinking Rainbow Dash would have been diagnosed with diabetes due how cute 'Shy looked. Either way, great story.:twilightsmile:
Also, what's the password?

Well this contiue?pls?

4684505 wtf (seriously, that's the password) It's currently being reviewed for submission so hopefully it should be out soon.

Why did I click on the scene. Oh y'know why, BECAUSE I'M TO CELESTIA *squee* CURIOUS!! GAHAHAH Good story otherwise.:rainbowkiss:

Not bad at all. Only a few points to make.

First, your sentence structure is a little awkward and stilted, and as such, the characters and actions sound and feel a little robotic. Go over it a few times, maybe with an editor, that'll even it out nicely.

No real spelling or grammar issues that I could see, so not bad at all.

Third (and this is the important one):
I have never seen anything ruin more could-be-great stories more completely than 4th wall Pinkie. Seriously. Not only is it awkward and forced, it completely ruins the tone of a story. That shit's just not funny.

All in all, just work it over with an editor and a pipe wrench and you'll have a pretty damn good little slice of life.

Years later, John Carpenter's original The Thing is still the scariest movie I have ever seen.

According to google:
venerandum cor impetum cultro = The heart of adorable knife attack
Google is weird.

4685143 I don't even remember what I put into Google:applejackunsure: But it was suppose to be something like "adorable induced heart attack". I now prefer Google's answer.

Half way through, I was thinking, "Rainbow Dash can handle her friend changing races, but she can't handle a simple haircut?"

4685047 NO.

We do NOT talk about that.

Ever.

Well, add this story to the ever growing list of why I love Fluttershy and why she is best pony.

I also listened to this the entire time.
[youtube=www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0kGAz6HYM8]

It added drama.

It was wonderful.


4684797 Thanks for the critique.:twilightsmile: As for the first point: I think that's just my writing style, Engineer undergrad here so I tend to go very straight forward and with low frills in my writing. English was never my subject anyways. As for the third I think that can be a matter of personal taste, but your reasoning is sound if a little passionate. I think one joke wouldn't break it but I can see multiple ones hampering a story, unless that's the point of the story.

4685713 Yeah she's my favorite too. Also I just realized all but one of my stories feature her as the main character or necessary secondary character.

4685047 :The movie that used to scare me the most was Pink Floyd: The Wall. Seriously, watching that when your five will mess you up, (especially the meat grinder).

4684512 Probably not, sorry. I've got nowhere else I want to take this.

4685798 I can fully understand that (Some of my drinking buddies are engineers, I know the mindset). Again, just work it over with someone and smooth it out a bit, it'll flow much better.

As for Pinkie jokes, here's the thing. Most people hate them. HATE them. It's the sort of thing that rips someone right out of the story and annoys them immediately.

Here, let me tell you a little story about a fic I read one time. I’m not going to go into a lot of specifics, because I really don’t want to call anyone out, but I’m going to tell you enough. This fic was an exploration into the life of a background pony. It did its job amazingly well. It was a story about how they had a powerful secret, and how they had to hide it every day of their life. It told of their struggles, their heartache and their hard, hard work to keep their life and family in order and safe while still doing their duty. It was fantastically written and amazingly empathetic.

And then Pinkie Pie happened.

The author proceeded to kick the story square in the proverbial gonads, absolutely ruining any investment and making everything she had struggled so hard to achieve absolutely meaningless. There was suddenly no point to any of it, because of lol teh meemees and teh fourth wall and hahaha Pinkie knows about the intramanets and it’s all so fucking funny.

I know that’s not *quite* what you’re doing here, but it’s a slippery slope. Fourth wall jokes are NOT funny. People who use them tend to abuse Pinkie’s character in absolutely infuriating ways, and it can completely ruin an entire fic.

“So you’re telling me it is possible to die from something being too cute?” Twilight asked.  The doctor nodded. “Then why weren’t the rest of us affected?”
“It’s a beauty in the eye of the beholder sort of case.  Rainbow Dash saw something that she interpreted as cute ,which led to her condition.  This could happened with any image, so long as the pony afflicted thought it was cute.  I even heard about a case caused by a spider.”

reminds me of the end of this:

“Actually I think we should tone down the parties for now,” Pinkie Pie said to a shocked audience. “See, the third rule of parting is everything in moderation.  And with all the parties being held around here, they’re starting to lose their meaning and become mundane, which is something a party should never ever be.  And on top of all that, some folks were complaining about us having a party or some kind celebration every other episode.”
“Episode?” Fluttershy asked.
“WEEK! Every other week.” Pinkie said, looking around nervously.

SAFE! That said, if she said that they were on TV, they would probably shrug and say "Pinkie Pie. Don't question it."

The cover picture brought me here.

It's honestly pretty rare that writing makes me even snicker, but this made me chuckle a bit.

Fluttershy is cute no matter what form she takes or haircut she has.

Dan

That's Joseco's work.

4686145 Do you happen to have a web address I could use?

I love this story! It's great! When Pinkie's like "WEEK! Every other week." I laughed so much! :rainbowlaugh:
Keep up the great work :pinkiehappy:

I'm favoriting because Fluttershy is cute and Rainbow Dash had a heart attack.

Dan

4686193
http://lovetomorrowlove.tumblr.com/post/10178952793/you-know-what-i-always-wanted-to-see-a

Google might be untrustworthy twats when it comes to privacy, but search by image is invaluable.

Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.

4685798 i see well its a good oneshot :twilightsmile:

4687829
It was for the Kenneighdy assassination highlighted region.

4687825 It's not long enough for a one shot

4685798

:The movie that used to scare me the most was Pink Floyd: The Wall. Seriously, watching that when your five will mess you up, (especially the meat grinder).

I wouldn't know, I actively avoid scary movies. :moustache:

This is much better than the short-mane-Fluttershy idea I had. :yay:

Well...that was a thing. I'd argue that the ending was kinda weird...but considering how many times I've nearly slipped into a cuteness induced coma I'll let it slide. May want to change the genre tags though. This feels more like Slice-Of-Life and Random than Comedy.

unless you’re afraid barbers

"Unless you're afraid of barbers."

and I just meet all of you,

I'm pretty sure this should be "and I had just met all of you"

Cute, but the ending was kind of abrupt, and for a comedy tagged fic there were really zero laughs involved.. 6/10. :twilightsheepish:

4689278 Unless you know what "The Thing" is, and trust me, it is a movie you don't want to watch, it may be old, but it still can scare the living daylights out of people.

I feel the ending was abrupt. Everything before that was good... until the heart attack... If you add the random tag, I'll give a like, because the heart attack falls more into line of random than comedy.

4690033 I watched a few seconds, was sickened and scared-something-close-to-out-of-my-mind and then just left. :ajbemused:

....

.....

I NEVER WANNA SEE THAT AGAIN! :raritycry: :raritycry:

This was such a nice little read. Only the cover art hinted at more of a reaction than was given, in my opinion... :pinkiesad2:

Nonetheless, it was a fairly nice read. :twilightsmile:

And here I was, thinking cuteness overload wasn't a real thing:ajsmug::derpytongue2::yay::trollestia:

4690061 I know it, even played the game. Just didn't even get a chuckle out of me though. :unsuresweetie:

4687679 IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!

This could've been a fun story if not for the internal promotion of another story, 4th wall Pinkie, the Google Translate fail, and the heart attack thing. Oh, and it was kind of a dry read too.

Too much fourth wall breaking from Pinkie. Also, the ending could need to some work - it doesn't wrap up properly, so it feels like there's a last scene missing.

Otherwise, it's okay.

Comment posted by SuperGiantRobot deleted Jul 14th, 2014

This happens to me on a daily basis.

Eh, I thought you'd use the scene with the dogs.

The real question here is do ya’ll like it?

That makes no sense. Who is AJ talking to?

All she needs is a bow tie and she'd be the 11th doctor!

So now we have both a Latin term for, and a medical description of, "so moe I'm gonna die". That alone was worth the price of admission in my book. :eeyup:

4691876
She's talking to Fluttershy, but her accent's being needlessly exaggerated which makes it confusing.

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