• Member Since 7th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Astral Phoenix


Both an MLP and WWE fanatic, interesting combo.

E
Source

After having fallen asleep Apple Bloom finds herself at the Golden Oaks Library during a thunderous storm. As the storm grows worse Apple Bloom begins to get more terrified by the minute. Twilight does her best to comfort the poor filly but with the storm carrying on all the way till the morning can the Alicorn princess help the little filly overcome her fears and get her through this long dreadful night?


Cover Art designed by: Cayfie

Proofread/Edited by: PoisonClaw & Level Dasher
Pre-read by: NavelColt


Note: This story takes place during Season 4.


Featured: 26/07/2017 - 02/02/2018

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 52 )

I believe there were one or two things I missed, but nothing overly glaring, as far as I can tell. This was definitely an interesting piece to work on. Sometimes it's difficult to retain the integrity of an author's style as I edit, but that just makes it more of a challenge. For your first one-shot, this was pretty good! :twilightsmile:

Beautiful story! Twilight makes a really good mother. (Techically, she already is with Spike) I find, thunder is most scary/annoying in the middle of the night when you try to sleep. I'm normally not afraid of it, but I had a few times where it was really loud that I flinched.

Great job. It brought tears to my eyes from all the feels.:twilightsmile:

Real shame you couldn't find an image for a cover. But the picture you paint in the story fills that hole for me. Overall, pretty nice. I hope it's one people don't overlook.

8325251 I did had a cover but It got removed before I could add it. I do plan on getting another one made so expect it very soon. :raritywink:

THAT WAS SO CUTE!!! I cried SO much.:raritycry::heart:You really outdone yourself with this story. it was perfect.:raritywink:

This story is very heartwarming! You earned a like and favorite my friend! :twilightsmile:

Very cute, one complaint, though-

 “Y'all were kind enough to let me sleep in yer guest bed while I was real tired. This weren’t yer fault at all.”

Here, and a few other times throughout the story, Applebloom refers to a single pony as "y'all." In colloquial speech, "y'all" is a contraction of "you all" and is used to refer to an entire group. "Were" is also used for the plural, no matter how much of a country accent you have. :)

8327188
While I agree with the first half, 'were' is the past tense of 'are'. 'You were' and 'You all were' are both grammatically correct. You might be confusing it with we're, which is plural.

In this story I like to think that Apple Bloom lost her parents during a thunderstorm and that's why she is so terrified of them

8327188
8327697
I normally would have suggested changing all the 'y'all's to 'ya,' but author's stylistic choice of the accent won out. :ajsmug:

8327697
Ah, yes, I suppose I am. I kinda got caught up in the grammar-correction and admittedly did confuse it a bit with "we're". Apologies!

Simply the best Twilight and Apple Bloom Mother/Daughter story I've ever read. :heart:

It's kinda funny for me, because I did Apple Bloom in an old story of mine by frostbite, and put her in mortal danger again in the last chapter of my story :eeyup:


>>>>NOTIFICATION<<<<
This story has been reviewed by Spike's First Glance Review Circle.

4. My Wing Will Keep You Safe by Brony250

1st Glance of this story
Reviewed by Chrysalis
Written by Blankscape

The review is in the cycle thread.


that whole part of the weather messenger coming to inform twilight about the weather was super weird. and why would twilight ask a stranger to escort apple bloom when she her self just tried to do that and couldn't? thats the only section of the story i didn't care for.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/3/23/855730__safe_solo_cute_apple+bloom_pixiv_grin_apple_adorabloom_buy+some+apples_artist-colon-soren.png
the rest was pretty gud.

I kept expecting Vienna Teng's "Lullaby for a Stormy Night." Great story.

Woohoo, this was an absolutely splendid addition to our contest, thanks so much for putting it together! Twilight and Apple Bloom is certainly a cute pair of friends to focus on, and I thought you very much captured how younger children can be during particularly rough and scary storms at times.

As for the song (since you asked for feedback), while the lyrics were perfectly lovely, I would say that the trick with a song in any type of literature is whether or not the audience can envision or imagine a tune accompanying it. Even if it's not an actual song that exists in our reality, if we can so much as imagine a tune accompanying the song, that makes it easier to flow smoothly with the rest of the narrative. I wasn't quite sure I could do this here, but I would also say you should feel free to keep practicing with it in your fics, since it still made for a lovely moment with Twilight and Apple Bloom. Thank you again for the great fic, and have a nice evening! :twilightsmile:

8389911Thanks so much. :twilightsmile: At first I didn't originally plan to submit my story into any contest. But when I stumbled upon this contest and read through the premise, I figured, why not give it a shot and see how I do. Now just have to wait for the result. :pinkiehappy: I don't mind if I win or lose the point is I gave it a try and that's all that counts.

8391436
If you ever need a song, PM me, I'm a savant, and I come up with them instantly. It's as easy as breathing, so I'll do it for free, as long as I'm credited as the lyricist.

For example: This is what I'd do here:

"When you are surrounded by gloom and fear,

Don't worry, sweet child, I will always be near,

As I surround you with my heavenly plumage,

Please just bear in mind that there is nothing more precious,

You, my child, are my precious progeny,

I'll keep you safe from harm, so now, go....to...sleep."

That's off the top of my head...Takes a few minutes for something better.:twilightblush:

I should have thought of this from the start, she thought to herself. There’s not a better cure for anything than reading a good book.

Except for maybe laughter, but that's beside the point.

Very glad you like the cover, as I've expressed before haha.
A lovely cover for a lovely story ^^

Oh, wow. This really warmed my heart. I've often thought about how Twilight and Apple Bloom don't interact as much anymore since Season 1, and this was just perfect. Amazing job, and that cover is great, too. :twilightsmile:

i love this story.
i would love a Sequel.
Twilight is best pony.

Meeester
Moderator

Do not post nonstory chapters. Use story-tagged blogs if you want to give updates.

I honestly don't know know how to feel about this fic I both love it and dislike it

Oh my God.... Beautiful, just beautiful. If I had pick anypony out of Mane 6 to be a phenomenal replacement mother for just Applebloom, then this story has convinced me that Twilight is the perfect one for her. Astral my friend, I got nothing else to say expect again, just beautiful :heart:

And then she became a princess!

But in all seriousness, this was a good story. And from the episode "Flurry of Emotions" I kind of feel as though Twilight may actually want to be a mother, or something to that effect.

8327188
8327697
On the subject of "y'all", there are moments in the actual show where one of the southerners use it to a single person.
01x08 Look Before You Sleep, 05x17 Brotherhooves Social (6:24), 05x20 Hearthbreakers
And because Apple Bloom is a young kid, who is to say she doesn't get her grammar mixed a little?

Great story! Not sure why AB and Twilight work so well together in these sorts of stories but they do! But whatever the reason I loved it - very sweet.

It does kind of crack me up when people gripe about "y'all". You're arguing proper grammar in relation to regional dialect. And there isn't a single Southern dialect that's the "right" one, and this is one of the places it varies. In my area it's VERY common usage. Just as "you" is both singular and plural in "proper" English, "y'all" has taken on the same role in many regions. It's become less of a contraction and more of a unique word in and of itself.

I love this so much. Such a beautiful and touching story. I actually teared up a little at the end when Twilight and Apple Bloom were saying their goodbyes. I feel like Twilight would make such an amazing mother. Excellent job all around with writing this. /)

That being said, I do have one question though. I know it breaks the story, but why didn't Twilight just teleport herself and Apple Bloom to Sweet Apple Acres?

8759405 The thought never really came to mind at the time, however, given on how Apple Bloom was in a rush to get home Twilight would have thought about it but never gotten the chance. Glad you enjoy the story, hope you look forward to my next one soon. :twilightsmile:

This story is, in one word, magnificent! I love the interactions between Twilight and Apple Bloom: so cute and sentimental. :twilightsmile:

My god. This whole story is Apple Bloom's cutest moment, since she was dressed up like a bunny.

Thanks for submitting your story in the Reviewer's Cafe! It was a pleasure reading and reviewing your fic, and honest I did truly enjoy it! You can find the review here! Really good job with the fic and I hope to see you submit your stuff in the cafe more often!

-Milo

the story was great and the song beutiful I must say really well done

This was really good. Well done!!!

You asked so I provided, here's another review on Reviewer's Cafe.

This story is well made and extremely cute

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