Paul's Thursday Reviews LXVII · 11:11pm Mar 9th, 2017
Alrighty, got a couple announcements this time around. First and foremost, it's time for my regular light reading week, so there'll be no reviews next week. This is not just because of my typically scheduled break, though; I need to spread things out.
The two of you who actually bother to check my review schedule may have noticed that it hasn't been updating continuously like it normally does. This is because waaaaay back in December, as part of my New Years resolution to relax my workload, I decided to start adding in vacation weeks to my schedule. These sparsely scheduled periods would be weeks where I would do no reading whatsoever. Seemed like a good way to force myself to relax a bit and maybe get ahead of my writing.
There was just one problem: I'd already scheduled all of Fallout: Equestria – Project Horizons, and I didn't want to go rearranging that months-long schedule. My solution was to keep reading right up to the end and schedule a particularly big break once FOE:PH was finished. That time is now upon us. Next week I will finally finish that mammoth of a story and be ready to review it, and as soon as I do I'm going on a three week "not reading a damn thing" vacation (assuming I can resist the urge that long, that is). I intend to use that time period to play some games and, far more importantly, get some serious writing done.
But that doesn't mean the reviews stop, oh, no. I'm ahead enough in my reviews that I'll be able to do two blogs during the vacation, and maybe a third one if things go the way I think they will. So no worries, folks: I might not be reading your epic novels, but you'll still get your review injections. Promise.
Alrighty, time for some reviews.
Stories for This Week:
The Sunset Room by Foxy E
Please Open The Door by naturalbornderpy
Music for the Mare in the Moon by dragonjek
This Night by BlazzingInferno
The Corner of (Our) Eyes by Daemon McRay
Total Word Count: 75,852
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 0
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
The Sunset Room
7,807 Words
By Foxy E
Well, this wasn’t what I expected. I’m reminded, in a good way, of a Luigi Ugolini story from 1917, which I won’t be naming because that would be spoilers.
In The Sunset Room we find that Big Mac has taken ill. Equestria’s doctors can’t help, as the problem in magical in aspect, and Twilight has been unable to determine the exact problem. Since there are risks involved with new illnesses, Twilight has Mac confined to his room and places a magical ward on it. She travels to Zebrahara to do more research, leaving behind a golden rule for the remaining Apples: “No matter what happens, do not open that door.”
I suppose the big question is: did this scare me? The only part that did was the section of building anticipation right before the reveal, which was fairly well done for the most part. The opening, however, focused far more on explaining the situation than building any sort of suspense and the climax suffered from the chosen protagonist: Applejack.
The problem with Applejack is that she’s a very steady, sturdy character, both physically and mentally. I felt she was faithfully recreated for the story, which is always a plus, but that comes with the downside that AJ’s a levelheaded mare. Even when she’s scared and on the run, she’s thinking in the very practical terms of “What do I do next?” This has the effect of deadening the atmosphere and potential for horror, because fear is not defined by logical thought processes. So while I applaud the solid interpretation of her character, I must point out that she was absolutely not the best choice for perspectives.
If it hadn’t been for that one poor decision, this story might have been a great addition to the horror bookshelves out there. The concept is good; even as a rehash of common ideas, the result was very different from what I expected and thus worthwhile. I do have to wonder why AJ couldn’t have waited a day or two for Twilight to get back, or read the latest letter from her that would have almost certainly been important since it was mentioned at all. I also suspect that Twilight knew exactly what had happened to Big Mac and withheld the information ‘for the family’s sake’ rather than take the obviously smarter route of telling them the danger. But these things are common to horror stories and, honestly, not all that unrealistic in this instance.
The Sunset Room isn’t a great horror story, but it does make a good story in general, and is a solid effort on the part of the author. I aim to read more of this author’s works, should there be any. Something tells me that we’ll be seeing some good stuff from Foxy E with a little polish and practice.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Please Open The Door
27,972 Words
By naturalbornderpy
And my quest for quality horror stories continues. From reading the description, Please Open The Door has all the necessary seeds for an awesome horror. What I got… Eh…
The first mistake naturalbornderpy made was making the enemies of the tale changelings. The second mistake was taking those changelings and making them into something completely different from what we all know they are, starting with getting rid of their need to feed on love and continuing with their newfound desire to quite literally rip apart any pony who comes within range.
Gone is all the logic and purpose behind their existence, replaced instead with bloodthirsty demons that outnumber Applejack and Apple Bloom ten thousand to two. And, for reasons unknowable, this massive army can’t break down a door. Heck, all they have to do is start a fire and boom, Apple cobbler. But instead they spend hours, perhaps days, trying to sneak their way in by pretending to be ponies.
Now, it’s well established that changelings scare me, and I will grant that naturalbornderpy has some solid ideas in regards to that. Watching as AJ slowly loses her grip on sanity while trying to vet any ponies who dare visit her door is some solid horror material. Her growing paranoia is palpable. But by making the threat something that makes no sense to anything we know, the horror is downright ruined.
Also, if you are going to read this, definitely read the ‘original version’. The alternate ending isn’t really an alternate ending, it’s just the main one with an extra scene taken out. Taking out that extra scene makes the ending 100x better. The original is emotional and filled with pain. The extra scene makes it confusing to the point that it’s almost impossible to understand what the heck just happened… and it sure as heck doesn’t feel creative. So yeah, read the original. At best, it's a shoehorned attempt to give the "happy ending or die!" crowd some closure.
Let me just make one thing clear about this, however. This story really only has one major flaw: changelings. Had the author done something else, something unknown to the show, and made all the same decisions? This would have fallen into my ‘Pretty Good’ category easily. Barring some ‘meh’ atmosphere, it has everything it needs to be a strong horror.
But the author chose changelings, so…
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Music for the Mare in the Moon
9,419 Words
By dragonjek
Recommended by Pascoite
Perhaps the single most frustrating thing for an author is to see their hard work disappear under a mass of junk.
In Music for the Mare in the Moon, we learn about the nature of dreams. Night Whisper works in the dreamscape, known here as Reverie, and it is her job to deliver dreams to sleeping ponies. One night while one a routine delivery, however, she comes across a Servant of the Night Goddess Nyx, who has chosen her for a special task: deliver a dream hoof-woven by Celestia to her sister, still banished on the Moon.
This story is nothing short of delightful. It gives dreams an entirely new perspective and then uses that perspective to its full potential. Vivid imagery, imaginative scenes, interesting mechanics, this story does everything it can to make Reverie as fascinating as can be. The artist proves no slouch in terms of description, making the dreamscape a fantasy land for the senses. From the blessings of dreams to the nature of nightmares right down to the awe of the Nightmare, we are given everything we could hope for.
This is a story that greatly deserves more attention. It is well written, the pacing and length are more or less perfect, and the creativity of the world it conjures is refreshing. It is a sin that this story has gone for so long with so few views. Aside from an occasional typo and questionable accuracy of the lyrics from a certain song, and I can think nothing I don’t like about it.
Pascoite, thank you for this recommendation.
Dragonjek, expect me to come searching for more from you before long.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
This Night
5,215 Words
By BlazzingInferno
Requested by BlazzingInferno
When a story shows up with only the Romance tag, there are certain things one expects. BlazzingInferno apparently decided to say “screw that” and instead came up with something entirely different. Alas, the result is that I cannot give any sort of summary beyond what the description already offers: there’s a Royal guard under Luna’s balcony, and she has no idea why. If I say more than that, I spoil… well, pretty much everything.
I normally really like BlazzingInferno’s work, and this one is no exception. However, it seems like the author made a mistake early on that affected the entire story. Some might call it a minor issue, but for me it had a big effect.
We end up with a story that goes for a long while with a specific image in mind. We all see and know the same thing, and while it reeks a little too strongly of the typical ‘Lonely Luna’ vibe, it is unorthodox enough in manner to keep things interesting. Truly, I’ve not seen this particular approach for a romance regarding Princess Luna. That part, at least, I thoroughly enjoyed, and it plays well with BlazzingInferno’s trademark ability to think outside the box.
The mistake, despite happening within the first few paragraphs, isn’t recognizable until the twist comes along. Again, I won’t give it away, but I will state that the story plays a trick on the reader. By itself, the trick isn’t bad at all. The catch is that BlazzingInferno puts information in from the get-go that directly defies this hidden reality, thereby crashing the entire system on which the story is built.
On the positive side, I think most people would miss the bad info (I’m mildly surprised I caught it, if I’m honest), and so wouldn’t be bothered at all. And I imagine a lot of readers who do catch it simply shrug their shoulders and move on without care.
But it mattered to me.
Now, none of this is to say that This Night is a bad story. It may not be BlazzingInferno’s best, but it’s definitely a worthwhile read in the overall. The premise is great, the writing is strong throughout, and the emotions – while sometimes confusing due to hidden truths – are effective. Were it not for that one slip-up, this would land easily in my ‘good’ category. And I note that it wouldn’t be hard to fix the problem at all.
But my rating reflects what the story was when I read it, not what it could be with a tweak or two, so…
Bookshelf: Worth It
The Corner of (Our) Eyes
22,733 Words
By Daemon McRae
Completed Story
I waited a long time for this one. It’s one of those rare instances where the potential in a story really has my attention. My expectations involved something along the lines of China Miéville’s 2002 short story Details. I ended up with something similar, but with hints of Francis Stevens’ 1919 short story Unseen–Unfeared and a smattering of Silent Hill.
I’m into it.
In this story, Roseluck gets caught up in things when Princess Twilight somehow manages to see something beyond comprehension. Whatever it is, it seems Ditzy Do is the one who showed it to her, albeit unintentionally. And then Ditzy decides to explain the situation to Roseluck. Now there’s something after Rose. Something beyond awareness and reality. And if she doesn’t tread carefully, it will kill her.
This was delightful, albeit in only the way dark, somewhat Lovecraftian horrors can be. This isn’t the first time I’ve encountered the ideas presented in this story (reference the above), but they are brought together in a way that is compatible, creative and just a bit creepy. Now, at no point was I really all that scared – this isn’t the kind of thing that can get to me – but that wasn’t the point for me here: the sheer concept alone was worth the investigation, and Daemon McRae delivered fantastically.
As much as stories like these don’t affect me much in terms of being frightening, I tend to love them for their creativity and overall strangeness. This is the kind of story I’ve come to call the “Weird” style – based on a collection by the same name – and the author hits it in all the right ways. Creepy premise, more questions than answers, a constant edge of danger, and a distinct otherworldliness that saturates every facet of the story. This is more my kind of dark tale.
I think the only thing I didn’t care for in the whole story is how certain characters popped up and were important despite having no presence in said story up to that moment. They get a severe lack of introduction and are promptly thrust into events as if they’d been around from the beginning. From Rose’s perspective, perhaps that’s true, but it still felt awkward.
Beyond that, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. If you’re into dark, creepy or just plain odd stories, give this a go.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You read These Yet?
Liked these reviews? Check out some others:
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Paul's Fashionably Late Reviews
Paul's Thursday Reviews LIX
Paul's Thursday Reviews LX
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXI
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXII
aul's Thursday Reviews LXIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXIV
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXV
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXVI
Want me to review your story? Send me a request! Check my profile page for rules.
It's been so long since I read dragonjek's story that I barely remember it beyond the basic concept, but it was one I definitely found imaginative.
I don't know if you had the same problem with "This Night" that I did, but it sounds similar, like there was one thread that just unraveled the entire story for me. I left a comment explaining all that, so I won't rehash it here, but there's an earlier comment where horizon had pretty much the same issue. And it turned the whole nice story into something that didn't work, unless Luna has terrible short-term memory or just has a need to constantly complain.
4449743
I don't intend to specify it, either, but it sounds to me like the three of us are on the same page when it comes to This Night. It really is a small thing that just slips in there, but once I saw it it couldn't be unseen.
4449745 Yeah, I know you're not going to mention it here, but my comment is like the second most recent one, so if you have them ordered newest first, it's right up top.
4449749
In that case, yes, we are thinking in the same terms.
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I wish I'd gotten a chance to touch up what you and 4449743 are talking about prior to now. Way too much to do, alas. Funny that the three of you (counting Horizon) hit that same thing that seemed to have passed most readers by.
I see your point on The Sunset Room, the original writeoff version was closer to actual horror, but I still love this version more as a pocket-sized thriller with horror themes. I don't think the author has been online since the new tags we added.