• Member Since 11th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Nov 19th, 2020

naturalbornderpy


Just a nice, polite Canadian.

T

Following a Changeling attack that scatters every resident in Ponyville, Applejack holes up in her family home with only Apple Bloom for support. The doors and windows have been boarded shut. A thick fog covers everything in sight. Soon the first visitor comes to her door.

Now the only question is whether they're actually who they say they are.

Edited by spigo.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 154 )

I rather like it, and more because overwhelming despair does please me a little. It's the kind of horror I can appreciate.

This is great. It has this overwhelming feeling of dread surrounding the whole thing that I just love. I also enjoy how you're having us play the guessing game alongside Applejack, and how this anxiety and paranoia will slowly grow on her.

I gave this story a like and a follow, and eagerly await what comes next. Keep up the good work!

Goddamn it...but applejacks right can't really trust no pony...or no one

Got to be the worst feeling, not knowing who to trust. Hell not knowing if your friends are even alive! Would the Changelings kill the Pony's? Thats the question. If this is a raid I can see them going for quick kills on powerful Pony's while kidnapping the rest. If its a terror raid, there going for kills. The main question is how long till help comes?

OH GOD... its DayZ all over again...

Theres something wrong with the changelings in this story. Why would they be killing ponies if they grant them power? Surely they would imprison them to be able to defeat Celestia and Luna right?

And what about the changeling not being able to teleport in? Changelings can use magic right? Why doesn't the changeling just bash in the door? Why doesn't it take some reinforcements and swarm Applejack like they did in the Town Hall?

I think theres something very wrong with changelings and Chrysalis in this fic and I think its beyond revenge. The way they are acting in self destructing madness and not bashing doors or swarming the remainder...

And not using magic like teleportation or telekinesis.

Something is very very wrong with them.

5660896 Because TERROR!! :pinkiecrazy:

Calling it: Apple Bloom is a changeling. :moustache:

5661139 Naah. I think there's something fishy going on.

5659760 Thank you! Despair is totally awesome from time to time,

5659784 Thank you for saying so. We'll see what happens in the coming chapters.

5660743 Haven't played. Any good?

5661156 Actually, Changeling is an Apple Bloom. :applejackconfused:

5661580 OMG you dont know what DayZ is? ovcourse its good! best game ever in my books!
i had an encounter with a bandit, when i had ran out of ammo, but i was in my base and had a lockeble door, so i ran inside and locked it, he stood out side the door for about 2 hours IRL kept saying he was gonna share ammo, and food, and such, i had no other option but to open the door cuz all i had was a gun with no ammo, a bag of crisps, and a knife, so i trusted him and opend the door...
0/10 IGN - would not open door again.

to get a better idea of what this game is like
watch this

Oooooh an MLP version of "The Mist"!, insta-faved :raritystarry:

TGM

This is why I follow you.

You're a severely under-appreciated author.

Really looking forward to more.

5663426 Thank you for the kind words. It's honestly comments like these that make me want to keep writing. :pinkiehappy:

This is well-written. Here's a spot of trouble:

For a moment longer, Twilight tried to read her friend’s face. Coming away with nothing, all expression left her as she neared the small crack between the boards. Emotionless, she told her,...”

Confusing, as it isn't Twilight, and Applejack isn't her friend. You can't say that when it's written from inside the changeling's point-of-view.

Pretty good. I love finding fics with out of the box concepts. This is definitely one of them.

....WOAH! WOAH! WOAH!...hold on hoooold on. This is the shit!...my blood is boiling holy shit i think i'm gonna die this...

It would be a few minutes more until she noticed her hammer missing from the kitchen.

Oh... sh*t.
I just love how we, the readers, are left to decide whether each of the visitors is real or not. In the first chapter, it was clearly established that the first visitor was a changeling. In the second chapter, it was highly likely that the second visitor was an actual pony. But for these visitors, it's not made clear if they're real or not. There's plenty of evidence to suggest that they are who they say they are, yet also enough evidence to suggest they may not be. I have the feeling that each chapter will make it harder and harder, for both the readers and Applejack, to distinguish the real ponies from the fake changelings. And that tension will be oh so great.
I await behind barricaded doors for the next chapter.

5694773 Thank you for saying so!

5695648 Please hold on. For one more chapter, at least.

5695709 It's an interesting concept. One that I trying my best not to run into the ground. Thanks for reading!

Applejack notices the missing hammer... Quix feels a cold chill run up his spine.:rainbowderp:
Very well done my good sir! Very well done!

Ouch... that last scene :raritydespair:

im confused, the changelings clearly had an advantage yet decided to follow that path to succeed?

5738325

I've got to agree, it makes no sense at all.

TGM

Oh my god, this...

agh...

my heart... my feels...

I love this story author but... damn you... :applecry:

Wow. :rainbowderp: This is creepy, I really shouldn't be reading this but... something is tempting me to look... GAH I WAS SO EXCITED WHEN I THOUGHT SWEETIE BELLE WAS GOOD! NOOOOOOOO NOT SWEETIE BELLE!

OK one of three things happened either Applebloom has been dead from the start and its been a changeling the entire time, she was killed when she let her "friends" in or the dead body is a changeling pretending to be a dead Applebloom so AJ kills her own sister and gives up in despair.

This is a very sad universe...One of many universe that have fallen to evil or disaster

5738325 Finally someone gets it. There's something awfully wrong with the changelings here. Awfully wrong I am SURE of it.

I... i don't even...
WHY ISN'T THIS STORY MORE WELL-KNOWN? THIS IT TOP NOTCH PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR, RIGHT HERE!

5738325
5740285
Earlier, it was mentioned the changelings gave up on feeding on love, and turned to eating hearts directly. For one thing, it is clearly much less sustainable. But, perhaps the other problem with that approach is that only one changeling can eat the heart?

That could explain why the changelings are competing, rather than cooperating, in the moment where it counts. Though they were cooperating plenty during the invasion, maybe they are competing now that the food is scarcer?

On the other hand, if AB is a changeling, she actively killed another changeling. Which didn't stop Sweetie Belle from exposing herself despite certain death, when she had already succeeded in fooling AJ and AB.

It doesn't appear to make sense.

5740681

cause alot of people do not like ponies and horror at the same time. i think the people that are reading this might be the odd balls! :pinkiecrazy:

5744705 Still the why they did this is strange.

Pretty obvious nopony can be trusted. If I was Applejack I would kill them all. My paranoia would be off the charts. :pinkiecrazy:

I like the way this is written. It's creepy and puts you on edge. But I have a sneaking suspicion about where it's going. That would be messed up. :raritydespair:

TGM

I had a feeling that the dead apple bloom in the closet was too obvious.

My thoughts were 'No way, that's too obvious. I have a feeling that the knife will get twisted in the wound first.'

But this... excellent story. ten outta ten. All of my hats go off to you, though my feels hate you.

Urrrrggghhhh.

Are we going to see the other endings?

I agree with TGM, I too would like to see the other endings.

To be fair, I think we all knew that this was the only way it could have ended.

Marvelous story. You took the Applejack we all know and love, and gradually broke her down into a hollow, exhausted shell that is in the deepest possible stages of denial. Her friends, family, maybe even her Princesses, all dead and gone. But to Applejack, nothing is wrong, her friends are fine, Celestia's here to help.

I once again applaud you for writing this story, the suspense never went away, and the guessing game of "who's real?" constantly had me on edge. I can compare it to John Carpenter's The Thing since, like the movie, we never find out who the imposter is until it is far too late.

Great job, and I am eager to see what you plan to do next. Stay awesome, and keep on writing!

Nice story, though I feel a bit robbed that we never found out why Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle acted so detrimentally to achieving their own goal. That part is still pretty weird.

I kinda want to see the others endings!

I kinda saw the ending coming but that didn't make it any easier to read. Muh feels have definitely been damaged. I really did like this story though. It had some good twists and turns. And the Changelings were used to a potential that clearly couldn't have been done in the show.

Well done :ajsmug:

And now this universe is dead the harmony that was once in to is gone this universe has been consumed. This universe is gone, gone to darkness. I'm sorry for what this universes Applejack has gone through but other universes are in need of my help....sadly I could not help this one.

I am confused. Please elaborate.

5776969 Thank you for saying so. I'd been debating keeping in the last part, or making it a epilogue. I ended up keeping it as it was because it helped explain a few things, but it's not perfect. It's also very weird.

5776775 I'm a fan of horror and gore, so the changelings were the perfect fit for my type of story, even if they needed to be changed a bit for maximum feels. :applecry: Thanks for reading!

5775860 I know... :fluttershbad: The same guy that wrote those goofy Sombra stories also wrote something blacker than tar. I'll blame it on the fact I'm Canadian and our winters are too long. It does bad things to the mind. :applejackconfused:

5775531 Thank you for saying so! "The Thing" is one of my favorite films and now that you mention it, might have had an impact on this. I'm not sure. It'll be hard to top this one in terms of dark, but then again, I never thought I could top "Dinner with the King." Anything's possible.

5774691 Thanks for reading all the way through, even if your heart might have died a bit. It was one of the more interesting writing experiments I've done, and I'll explain what I mean, as well as the other possible endings, if one should be interested.

When I wrote and published the first two chapters, someone commented that Apple Bloom was a changeling. That was actually the original ending. Over the course of several "visitors", Apple Bloom would have been giving off more and more signals that she wasn't who she was. Not eating, not remembering personal memories, not acting the same, ect. In the very end, Applejack would have tied her up and tried to bring out the changeling. Apple Bloom would've kept up the appearance and Applejack wouldn't have been able to finish the job because she still looks and sounds like her sister. Then the changeling would've said something along the lines that Apple Bloom is already dead, and pickaxe through the head. A march through fog to find her sister would have followed. But, of course, someone already guessed that.

So do I keep the same ending? Nope. Every time I went back to the comments, I tried to swerve the story in a different direction. Did it work? No. Most readers guessed the final ending, but I still think it was the better of the two. That whole Apple Bloom in a closet part actually came from my editor, when he tried guessing the ending around Visitor Three. He mentioned it as a possibility, and I thought that was just messed up enough to work. So that's what happened.

The last thing to change at the last minute was the final scene between Chrysi and the Banished. I thought of omitting it completely, but kept it in to help explain a bit. Most of what happened is still a mystery, but I'll ruin it in detail in another comment. Needless to say, this was one of the most comment driven stories I've done, and I think for the better. So thanks for all the guesses.

Endings: 1. Apple Bloom is a changeling. Dies. Applejack leaves the house. 2. Apple Bloom may be a changeling. Applejack can't finish it off. Leaves her tied to a chair and goes outside. 3. The ending you read. 4. Applejack is a changeling. (Wouldn't have worked, but I thought about it. As if a changeling convinced itself so much that they were another pony, and loved their sister more than life itself.) 5. The closet was empty all along. Applejack lost her mind long ago. 6. An actual happy ending. :rainbowlaugh: (Yeah, right.) 7. Umm. I guess I didn't have seven. Applejack is so disgusted by her actions, she changes her name to Orangejack. Suicide follows.

Enough words? Good.

5777460 Spoiler town!

A short time ago, Chrysalis banished a bunch of her changelings from their home due to their horrific and disturbing behavior. They'd rather toy with their victims and even devour them, sometimes with a competitive spirit. When Chrysalis realizes one last attack will be it on the pony populace, she goes all out, and even some of her "good" changelings, start performing more horrific acts, either because of the banished one's influence, or out of sheer desperation.

After the initial assault on Ponyville, the banished changelings discover Applejack inside her home and make a game out of her. They don't want it to be too easy, so they try to enter with only words. If I were to guess, the one impersonating as Twilight at the beginning, then climbed in through the window and hid in the closet as the dead Apple Bloom, setting up future events.

After discovering Apple Bloom's body (and after having hints that her sister isn't her sister anymore), Applejack murders her and soon finds it was the real one. Her mind shuts down and the banished changeling in the closet reappears as Apple Bloom, ready to play as her sister and soak up all her love for as long as she can. Applejack now believes each little lie given to her and follows Celestia (Chrysalis) and her sister to "safety." The banished changeling makes an offer to Chrysi, saying Applejack can be hers if they're allowed back in the hive. She, begrudgingly, agrees, even if her race seems to have become much more vile than before.

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